Jane The Killer is a gender-bent spinoff of Jeff The Killer.
Her name is Jane Richardson. Along with being a Jeff gender-bent spinoff, Jane has a horribly contrived, convoluted backstory that makes her a huge Mary Sue.
Those stories are not as well known as the meme which will be dealt with on this page, in which Jane is the title character. She is also a main character in an extended story development of this meme. There is also a typo-ridden version which takes the story in a completely different direction. All of them mangled below.
🤓♨️Dorkpool March 21, 2015 User blog:Dorkpool
The story "The True Jeff the Killer Story??" started with this lovely line: "Many great stories about outlaw Jeff the killer." Yep. Many GREAT stories about ol' Jeffy. That line will probably be used quite a bit in my Riffs. Anyway, let's take a look at one of those "great stories", and Riff this wench!
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Hahahaha! Time to settle in for a good laugh.
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: The True Jeff the Killer Story??
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Since nothing about Jeff can actually be true since he doesn't actually exist...
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: Many great stories about outlaw Jeff the killer.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: None of them are great, though at least this one ends well.
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: As Jeff committed suicide, a small baby boy awoke.
🤓♨️Dorkpool: Wait, Jeff’s killing himself? I like this story already.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Hahahahahaha! Heck yeah! It's about time there was a story about Jeff doing himself in! Or about some non-creepy pasta character killing him.
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: He noticed that the door was not closed and was open a small creak. He usually kept it closed so got up and shut it once more. However, what he was unaware of as he went back to sleep was falling down the Jane in his bedroom.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Bursts out laughing* Oh, the mental image of Jane as a bed post or something!
🤓♨️Dorkpool: Ugh, I hate it when things fall down the Jane in my bedroom. It’s rather annoying.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Lololol!
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: It all ocured when Jeff saw the figure.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oy. It's 'occurred'.
🤓♨️Dorkpool: : (Jeff): Oh, an action figure! Awesome!
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Not only that, but a Jane action figure that just fell down the Jane. Hahahaha!
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: Jeff had just killed another victim and was feeling rather happy with the results he had tarn after the skull of the victam and stabbed the brain rather grosomely.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Glare* What happened to Jeff committing suicide? Other than that, I think it's the spelling that's really messed up here.
🤓♨️Dorkpool: That brutal murderer, grosomely killing his victams! Monster!
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: However, as he ran through the forest near the house to make his escape, he got a weird feeling,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: There it is again, it's his murder withdrawal.
🤓♨️Dorkpool: (Narrator):…indigestion.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Lol! I'd make it a migraine.
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: but not like the ones he got wen he first started his psychiopathic tendancies and murdered Randy, his parents, and Liu. It was more of a feeling of being stalked and watched.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Muahahahahahahaha! Yeah, watched and stalked...By an Ocean Elf... And Liu isn't dead.
🤓♨️Dorkpool: Slender Man, stay out of this story. You’re better than this.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: No, he isn't better than anything. And I already ended that piece of garbage. But good on you for yelling at him anyway, I've never seen anyone else do that! *Applauds*
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: He quickly turned around to see a girl staring at him however as he got closer the girl took off in to the night and he gave chase he ran but he did not catch up he tripped.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Jane went from a bed post to an action figure, and back into a girl/woman? Well, apparently she's supposedly able to shapeshift after all.
🤓♨️Dorkpool: : Jeff the Killer, everyone! Homicidal maniac who randomly trips!
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: He scowled and exclaimed, "Crap, I lost her." Jeff then got up, brushed off himeself, and continued walking in the forest.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: And the - uh - plot - stalled.
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: A few weeks passed. Jeff was murdering left and right and left and right
🤓♨️Dorkpool: (Narrator): …and up and down and side to side.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Lolol Oh stop!
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: finally he came to the house that would change his life.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Not that he actually has one or anything...
🤥Meme: On a hot summer night around 4:33 in the morning, as Jeff the Killer took another victim-- this time, a young wife, and also leaving her husband with a massive skull fracture as a result of blunt-force trauma, the only one to survive was the couple’s 4-month-old baby that police have discovered crying in its crib.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Scowl* This Jeffrey sure has a thing for brutalizing parents and turning kids into orphans. And this was a baby boy.
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: At first he simply stalked the house and waited for the perfet moment to sneak in. He snuck in was family (two parents and one baby) was upstairs. He simply quietly opened the unlocked door and sunck basement.
🤓♨️Dorkpool: What’s a sunck basement? What does that even mean?
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Lol redundancy is pretty common in this kind of stuff. Now if it had been an "upstairs basement" that would really stand out! I'm still trying to figure out what a 'perfet moment' is, though pretty sure it's not a perfect moment.
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: Finally, at night, Jeff was about to crawl out of the basement when he heard a muted scream from upstairs he thought he was found he was not.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Why would Jeff think he was found downstairs when the muted scream was upstairs and nobody knew he was down there the whole time?
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: He went upstairs about half hour later just in case the police were there and the scream had alerted the neighbors. Jeff not stupid.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Jeff is even worse than stupid.
🤓♨️Dorkpool: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: He crept though the halls until he reached the parents room. A chill runs up his spine for a reason he could not place until he entered.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: So just how am I supposed to react? Be scared for him? Not a chance!
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: As he entered, he saw the parents completely gutted. Blood is everywhere. It was sloppy done.
🤓♨️Dorkpool: (Jeff): Hamgod damn it! I was going to kill these people!
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: "But Jane beat me to it again. Boo-hoo-hoo waaaaaaah, waaaaaaaaaah, boo-hoo-hoo! I'm gonna kill myself now!"
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: "Who did this" he muttered. He then left that room and walked down to the baby's room as he entered he noticed something odd.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah, the phone in the crib and a note from Jane, also, the place is filled with body glitter and the smell of cheap perfume.
🤓♨️Dorkpool: Proper spelling and grammar?
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Lol
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: The baby was fin not a scrathc on him. As he looked in disbelief he saw a note written next to him. It read,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: I knew it.
But I don't buy for a second that Jane can't/won't kill infants. If she's capable of torturing and gutting adults, she's capable of doing that to any human being of any age. She just had to get the heck out of there to avoid being caught.
🤥Meme: Along side the child, police have found a letter which was written on the back of a paper grocery bag in a black sharpie marker, and a Motorola Droid, faintly illuminated under the baby’s blanket.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: what's with these chain bullies and their love of sharpies? Really? One of Carmen Winsteads bullies used one too.
And who's phone? Why on earth would the parents leave a phone in the baby's crib? If not theirs, don't tell me the killer left it there. Lol!
🤥Meme: The babysitter who was locked in the closet during the time claimed she smelled the lingering odor of women’s cheap perfume and found body glitter on the baby’s crib.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Why would the sitter, (let's call her Veronica), BTW, even remember perfume if she witnessed the murders which had to be overloading her senses with other things? Like the smell of sweat and blood, and maybe vomit and - who knows what else?
And the parents get killed but Veronica's locked in the closet - um, how did that happen? The only way that makes any sense is if the killer had rampaged in, fought with Veronica, locked her in a closet, then killed the parents when they returned home.
Body glitter? Well, there's no accounting for taste. Maybe Jeff or Jane just wanted to sparkle like Ed Cullen and this was the quick and easy way to try it.
🤥Meme: But who was it from?
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Jeffrey's into wearing women's perfume now? Maybe he was just trying to mask his BO. Oh, right, it was Jane this time. In which case, why wasn't the odor of stale cigarette smoke reported? Jane smokes Virginia Slims, a lot of them.
🤥Meme: Police were able to decipher the writing on the grocery bag
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: It was so bad that it took some effort to decipher it? hah, no kidding, chain creeps are notorious for their sloppy writing.
🤥Meme: and here’s what it said:
😈Meme, Jane's note: Jeff,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: I'm not Jeff, you stinky Mary Sue!
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: If you are reading this new that no matter many
😈Meme, Jane's note: if you are reading this, know that no matter how many innocent victims you claim or how much innocent blood you shed,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Scowl* As if you really care about innocent victims, you raving hypocrite!
😈Meme, Jane's note: I’m still coming for you in the end.
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: en
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: You and Jeffrey both better watch your backs. Because someone's coming for you! You just never know when it'll happen.
😈Meme, Jane's note: All of the men and women you so viciously slaughtered and disemboweled,
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: disembowelleded,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: As if you didn't. As if you actually cared! *Sneer*
😈Meme, Jane's note: I beat you to it.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Huh? you killed the very same people Jeffrey did, and he killed them again later? Janey, you aren't making any sense except for telling on yourself as just as disgusting, depraved, sadistic piece of filth as Jeffrey is! *Scowl*
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: I beat you to I killed them
😈Meme, Jane's note: I killed them not because I hate them,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Right, you didn't feel anything about them except longing to see their blood flow and see them terrorized!
You're as evil as Jeff, Randy, Keith, Jess,
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer:not itse I hate them;
😈Meme, Jane's note: I imagined those victims were you as I took their lives.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Glower* So, you are such a hopelessly unhinged creep that's so stuck on Jeffrey that you go around slaughtering other people. It works like this for you: "I'm so ego-punted by Jeff's ignoring me that I thought I'd get my sweet revenge by killing tons of other innocent people" Guess what, Janey? I hate YOU! And I won't take that out on other people.
Janey -
I - hate - YOU!
*YOU!*
😈Meme, Jane's note: It was the mere vision of you that made me kill them.
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: tt was mere vision of you that made kill them.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: No, Janey, it was your own incredibly bloodthirsty nature and your own stupidity! All combining to make you a worthless pile of evil stinking sludge, just like Randy, Keith, Jess, Nina, Jana, Jeffrey, Laughing Jack, Salt, and Slender Man!
😈Meme, Jane's note: I never did like you,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Now really, Jane, stop lying! You have the hots for him. You got it real bad. You want to be his cougar... But why in the world would Jeffrey even care how you felt about him? Oh, but that's just the point. Besides your being old enough to be his mom, Jane, Jeff is incapable of caring about anyone. He's fallen in lust with his own stupid image and is much too taken up with his knife, and you got tossed aside - again! Poor, poor Janey! *Sneer* You and he are two of a kind. You both think way too highly of yourselves and to heck with everyone else.
😈Meme, Jane's note: you greasy-headed, grinning, smug, ignorant son of a wench.
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: greasy-headeded,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Watch your language, you foul-mouthed, cigarette-smoking, cheap perfume-smelling, body glittered, sick, twisted, sadistic, self-pitying, smug, whiny, raving, emotionally, socially and mentally underdeveloped, hypocritical, air-headed windbag of a Jeffrey Mary Sue!
You're obviously some stupid overgrown Jeffrey fangirl who goes after him instead of the dead murderer of your parents, and at the same time, you feel too hurt because he never cared about or even noticed you. Psycho Mary Sue wench either way. And yes, I replaced the b-word in your ravings above with "wench" too, in case anybody wonders.
😈Meme, Jane's note: My black eyes may look like I’m void of vision,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: It's 'devoid' not just 'void' and You are. You're also devoid of anything else worth while too. So you have black eyes. No really. They used to be ice blue until you had your blood replaced with liquid hate. Doesn't much matter in the grand scheme of things. So cry about it. Nobody else cares, Janey Sue!
😈Meme, Jane's note: but I’m not stupid.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *contemptuous scoff* you *ARE* stupid! You're the worst kind of stupid! Anybody who kills a bunch of people because she pretends they are someone she hcan't get over and then blames that on seeing visions of the one she hates, is stone cold STUPID, Janey!
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: My blawck eyes look like I'm void of vision but I'm not.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oooh, I like that. Blawck eyes for a blockhead! Hahahahaha!
😈Meme, Jane's note: Just remember, the night that you creep into a poor girl’s bedroom,
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: bedroomyoure
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Hey stupid! Cut the 'poor girl' stuff! You kill innocent people, who are just as poor and innocent as the ones Jeffrey killed! What an idiot! With your own bloodlust and narcissism as bad as his, you have no right to be screaming so indignantly about his crimes.
😈Meme, Jane's note: you’re gonna fall head over heels down the flaring stairs with your guts caught on the broken glass of the window that I smashed you into.
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: I smash smashed you into
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Glowering, slaps Jane hard across the face* I said watch the language! And just how are you gonna smash him through a window by throwing him down the stairs? No logic.
Any smashing that's going to be done, will be by me, not you!
And you are both going down!
😈Meme, Jane's note: Tonight, when I reach you, evil will battle evil,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: And all that comes of that is more evil unless by some wonderful turn of events, you two actually manage to bump each other off…
Nah, I wouldn't let either of you have that satisfaction. The chances of you both dying at the exact same moment, and I wouldn't want either one of you enjoying a fraction of a second's worth of knowing you had killed the other.
😈Meme, Jane's note: winner kills all,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: A killing contest! Oh my bloody freaking hex! It's "loser" not "winner" Janey. The more people you kill, the bigger loser you are.
😈Meme, Jane's note: and the only one who will not get out alive is you.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Wrong-o, Janey girl, you're going down with the others! You are all nothing but sadism and boundless selfishness.
😈Meme, Jane's note: I’m coming.
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: coing for you.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: I'll be waiting - for you!
😈Meme, Jane's note: Sleep well.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Sneer*
😈Meme, Jane's note: Signed,
Jane the Killer
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Scowl*
🤥Meme: On the Droid phone, one of the officers found text in all caps, in red, with Jane’s picture… Below is her face which she captured on the phone:
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: It's at the Knowyourmeme site.
🤓♨️Dorkpool: If you ever wondered how “Jane’s Letter” could be worse, now you know.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Whoever got the bright idea to make this badly-typed version?
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: As Jeff scoffed at the letter the police siren started wailing Jeff fled though window. The police discovered the scene and dismissed as the work of another killer who had recently slaughtered a family several milles away.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: which was actually Jeff's crime too...
there is a story that expanded on this whole appalling situation, it was included as a scene in a story called "Jeff The Killer VS. Jane The Killer", not to be confused with another of the same title concerning Jane Arkensaw. It leads up to this meme, and seems to include it, except that the stats on who got killed don't match.
So, Jane's note was left at two different attacks, one in which, Jeff was the attacker, and this one in which it was Jane.
This means more vileness from Jeff and Jane and more wrath from yours truly coming right up.
The actual JVSJ story will be dealt with separately.
🙃NARRATOR: As dawn was approaching, JEFF made his way to a sleepy little house in a richer part of town. The neighbors were still sleeping, those who were getting ready to go to work at this time of the morning barely noticed JEFF, nor did they pay any attention to him. They thought he was just a regular visitor or random neighbor.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: That had to irk him, nobody noticed or got scared of his stupid hacked out face.
🙃NARRATOR: JEFF hopped the fence of the house he had been laying eyes on, and made his way into the basement from outside.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Just another routine intrusion on someone else's property for him. *Rolling eyes* So he just - snuck in.
Why?
Oh, right, because everybody was trusting.
Well, there's trusting, and then there's careless or stupid. I'm giving these poor people slack and assuming it's carelessness.
It's one thing to leave upper bedroom windows open over night in summer, but the basement or any room on the main level where a thief could just crawl in?
🙃NARRATOR: In this neighborhood, you could expect a very low crime rate, and everyone who lived there were honest and trusted everyone.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: But robbers and killers don't care about that, except for the fact they can use that to their own advantage.
🙃NARRATOR: But from JEFF's point of view, this was the perfect chance to satisfy the feeling.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes* of course. Self-gratification is all Jeffrey cares about. And there it is again, that same loving feeling Jeff is always getting. *sneer* If he just whacked himself, that would be the end of it, no more hunger for murder, no more Jeff, and everybody would be a lot better off.
🙃NARRATOR: 322 Wilshire Boulevard
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh! That is so close to a certain other address Jane and Jeff regret coming to, all in good time.
🙃NARRATOR: The owners of the house, a young couple, were looking for a babysitter at the last moment to watch their 4-month-old baby.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Yep, this all fits with the meme above.
At first, there might seem to be a discrepancy with the time. The meme said it was 4:33, which is a bit too early for the morning rush or even for dawn. The word "night" shows the meme indicating that it was still dark.
However, what the meme described was only the aftermath. This means what this story is describing is a nightmare over nearly a 24 hour period.
🙃NARRATOR: Luckily enough, they did find someone at such short notice. The babysitter was a sweet, 14-year-old girl, VICTORIA. Cheerful, friendly, and kind. The baby boy was sleeping like a rock, after a bath, fresh diaper change, and changed into his baby clothes. The infant's head hit the pillow immediately thereafter. Several minutes later, VICTORIA receives a call on the house phone. Wearily, she answers.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: So, this was all happening early in the morning? I'm confused, it sounds like the baby was just put to bed. Yet it's early morning.
🙃NARRATOR: SOUND: phone ringing. Receiver pick up
👧VICTORIA: (Sleepily) Hello? huh?... Hey, when are you guys coming home?
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Wait, this is when? It sounds more like late night, now. Do you mean Jeff snuck in the morning before the parents got Victoria to babysit, and no one went down to the basement during that time or while Victoria was awake and babysitting? So nobody discovered Jeff hanging out down there?
He usually hangs out in the sewers during the day anyway. So anyone going to the basement surely would've noticed something stinky had gotten down there since the day before.
👩🏾MOTHER: We'll be back around 10:00 tomorrow morning. I hope our son wasn't too much trouble
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Why would a four-month old give Victoria any trouble unless he was sick? In which case, the parents wouldn't leave him in the hands of a young babysitter. Why would they even say something like that? It's not like they just dropped him at Victoria's house and said "Here, take care of our kid for a week, sorry we can't pay you." I mean, looking after the baby is Victoria's job, they are not imposing on her. So something like "We hope he wasn't too much trouble for you" is such an needless thing to say, especially about their own kid.
And what is the dang time?
👧VICTORIA: No trouble at all. You never told me she was such an angel. (Yawning)
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Wait - WHAT!? Mix-up here, she just called their son a she. What - just what is going on here?
👩🏾MOTHER: Told ya. Honey, you sound tired, why don't you take a nap?
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Overtired more like it.
👧VICTORIA: That's a good idea. I could really use one about now.
👩🏾MOTHER: If you need us, we'll be at the Econo Lodge. You have our number.
👧VICTORIA: Thanks.
👩🏾MOTHER: Have a good night's rest, sweetheart.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, gag!
👧VICTORIA: Night
🙃NARRATOR: VICTORIA casually beeps the phone to end the call and tosses it onto the floor.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, that's brilliant. If the phone ends up broken, you know who to blame.
🙃NARRATOR: She rests her body on the nicely cushioned, leather couch that is set in the baby's room and falls asleep.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: A baby's room that has room for a whole couch? Why not just crash on the couch in the living room and use a baby monitor?
🙃NARRATOR: Several hours into her peaceful slumber, VICTORIA is awaken by noise below in the basement.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, so then we're at the time of the attack, and Jeff has been hiding down there for a whole day? Yeah, sounds likely. Not.
🙃NARRATOR: Thinking it was just an animal, possibly the couple's dog, she falls back asleep.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: SAY - WHAT!?
Okay, now this REALLY doesn't add up.
There is - *no way* Jeff could sneak into the house, let alone hang out in the basement for a day, unnoticed by the family dog! Having grown up with dogs in the house, I know this for a fact. Dogs alert you when something isn't right, by barking, acting strange, or both.
🙃NARRATOR: But the noise becomes louder...
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, this is Jeff trying to create dysphoria again.
🙃NARRATOR: VICTORIA gets slightly more unnerved.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: And I get a lot more annoyed. *Rolling eyes*
🙃NARRATOR: She pulls her tired body from the couch and poke her head out of the doorway. Silence. She returned to the couch and laid slowly back down. Listening intently, she calmed herself down.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: So Jeff eaves-drops to listen for silence, then he starts up with his banging again...
🙃NARRATOR: SOUND: CRASH
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Irritated sigh and scowl*
🙃NARRATOR: VICTORIA retrieved the phone from the floor and dials 911.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: So the phone didn't break? Good.
😈JANE: 911 Emergencies.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Scowl* WTH? Jane is not a 911 operator, so how the ruddy hex did she con her way in to take over their line?
The only way I can see this working is if Jane somehow got hold of Victoria's phone earlier and programmed it to dial her phone instead of emergency.
That doesn't make sense either. Not that Jane wouldn't do something like that if given half a chance. But she would 1. have to know Victoria. 2. Know where and when Victoria was babysitting. 3. Know Jeff was planning to strike that house when Victoria would be there.
👧VICTORIA: Yes hello? I think- ... I think someone is in the house!
😈JANE: Ma'am, you're going to have to calm down, I can't understand you.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Bull.
👧VICTORIA: Someone is in the house... Someone broke in! (Whisper)
😈JANE: Where are you at, sweetheart?
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: You know demn well, you trashy phoney!
👧VICTORIA: I'm at 322 Wilshire Boulevard... I'm babysitting tonight... I just... I don’t know.
😈JANE: We're sending police up there immediately.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: BULLCRAP!
😈JANE: Now here's what I want you to do. Are you listening?
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Your attempt at passing yourself off as a 911 operator sucks out loud, Janey! A real operator wouldn't be so cold and condescending.
👧VICTORIA: Uh-huh...
🙃NARRATOR: Tears silently falling down her face.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Facepalm* GAH!
😈JANE: Go and find a place in the house, like the closet or pantry. Grab yourself something to protect and defend yourself with.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Wrong advice, Janey. You should've told her to pick up the baby before doing anything else, you idiot!
🙃NARRATOR: VICTORIA, trembling in fear, crept from the baby's room. And down the stairs of the house. So far there was no one that she could see, but the noise had come from the basement hadn't it? She made her way into the kitchen and pulled the largest knife should could find form the drawer.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: In the mean time, the baby is left unprotected.
🙃NARRATOR: SOUND: door getting kicked in.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Scowl*
🙃NARRATOR: VICTORIA, in a panic ran to the pantry and closed the door behind her as swiftly as possible she huddled in the farthest corner that she could physically get to.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: And the baby is still unprotected.
👧VICTORIA: God I heard him. He came out of the basement! I heard the good! Help me please. Hamgod, I'm so scared...I've got a meat cleaver... I'm in the pantry...
😈JANE: Don't be scared, dear, I will stay with you on the line until police arrive, in the meantime, you just hide. Who’s all there with you?
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: You will stay with her, oh, right, the heck you will, just to make sure she's terrorized and everyone else but her and the baby are killed. *Scowl*
👧VICTORIA: The baby... Oh god I forgot (on the verge of crying now)
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Well, I won't fault you for that, you're a scared young kid, and you only listened to the instruction of incompetent Janey. This is all on her.
😈JANE: Did you lock the baby's room, honey?
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Cut the "honey" stuff.
It wouldn't do to lock the baby's room without a key to let oneself back in and no one said anything about there even being a lock and key to the baby's room before now. Heck, if Janey and Jeff could hide out in the basement so not even the dog noticed something hinky, well. Why try to make any sense of this?
🙃NARRATOR: She could sense the fear and suffering in VICTORIA's voice as she was being the only source of comfort the girl needed as far as this home invasion was concerned. This would probably be the last thing the poor babysitter would hear...
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: And Jane was absolutely revelling in it. Getting to victimize someone while pulling a hero act on them all at the same time, man what else could Janey want other than lord it over Jeffrey, of course. And that's what it's really all about.
👧VICTORIA: Y-Y-Yes...
🆔SOUND: footsteps.
😈JANE: The baby will be alright. You just stay on the line with me, police will be arriving shortly.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Bull!
👧VICTORIA: Oh God... I see him...
😈JANE: Give me the description of the assailant, dear.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Sighs and rolling eyes* Oh, brother. Now we get treated to yet another description of Jeffrey's stupid supposedly long black hair and stupid SMILE OF DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
👧VICTORIA: I can't talk any louder... He'll hear me... I hope he doesn't hurt the baby...
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: So stop listening to that fraud and go get the baby! Sheesh!
😈JANE: You'll be fine. What is the description of the assailant? (More urgent)
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, for the love!
👧VICTORIA: I'm too scared! I can't! I can't!
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: It's just as well.
😈JANE: Is that where he went!? Tell me! What does he look like!?
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: You know ruddy well, Janey. You and he both set this up. *Scowl*
👧VICTORIA: He's wearing... black... pants... and a... white jacket or something... I don't know! Just please help me!
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes* Of course, that won't be enough for Jane, and she'll keep at Victoria until the girl finally tells her all about DA SMILE OF DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
🙃NARRATOR: SOUND: creaking door. Change music to music box.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh please. There wasn't even any music on in the house.
🙃NARRATOR: JEFF entered the baby's room... Toys littered the floor of the darkened room. A single beam of light crept through the slit between the curtains, cutting the room into two, separating JEFF between the infant. JEFF continued into the darkness and peered into the crib. JEFF eyed the child, silently. Despite have a smile permanently carved into his cheeks he seemed to be frowning. The infant began to cry at the horrific sight of the killer looming over him. JEFF placed the flat of his knife against the baby's face and watched as the reflection of his own grotesque features mockingly smiled back.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah I'm sure Jeff is really getting his kicks here, murderer and molester that he is. *Glower*
💩JEFF: Go to Sleep for now kid. When you see a bit more of the world, I'll be back to save you from it.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Bull! The only thing you ever save, Jeffrey, is your own worthless skin!
🙃NARRATOR: JEFF picked up a stuffed bear from the floor around the crib to pacify the baby. The baby's hands gripped at the soft fabric as JEFF turned his back and walked out of the room.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Huh - I guess there are some ideas/details that even some pasta writers won't do. It makes no sense that Jeff would spare the baby, none at all. He does kill little kids. So repulsive as the idea is, logical as it is to conclude Jeff would kill the baby, the writer couldn't go through with it here.
🙃NARRATOR: At the Drury Inn in town, the married couple sat back to each other both breathless and exhausted.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Wait I thought they said they would be at the Econo Lodge.
🙃NARRATOR: They had been fighting since the moment that the poor child's MOTHER had put down the phone.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Um. Depressing.
🙃NARRATOR: The in town vacation was supposed to help. It didn't.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Um well. None of my concern.
👩🏾MOTHER: Maybe we should just go home then?
FATHER: At this hour? ... We still have the room for the rest of the night.
👩🏾MOTHER: I want to see my baby, Marco.... Or would you prefer to just sleep in the car?
🙃NARRATOR: The FATHER stood. He'd heard all that he cared to. He gruffly grabbed his keys off the night stand, and opened the door to the small hotel room to wait for his wife. She stepped through the opening and out to the car without a word.
It was 5:15 when they left. And they were rushing home as quickly as they could.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: But the attack was all done and discovered at 4:33. So what's up with that?
🙃NARRATOR: In the house, JEFF saw an approaching police light beacon and thought that it was all over.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Thought what was all over? Oh, he was probably kicking himself for not slaughtering an innocent.
🙃NARRATOR: He stepped behind the curtain of the open front window and waited for the police OFFICER to make his move...
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Typical coward, hiding behind a curtain while trying to spy on what goes on out there.
🙃NARRATOR: A knock at the door.
OFFICER 1: Police. Can you open the door please?
🙃NARRATOR: JEFF inched through the shadows. Closer and closer to the door. Another knock at the door.
OFFICER 1: Hello? Is anyone home? If I do not get a response I will have to break the door down. Hello!?
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Well, both the J morons have manipulated it so the police won't get an answer at the door...
🙃NARRATOR: JEFF's fingers went back to the sharpened edge of his knife.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh but of course. *Rolling eyes contemptuously* He's just gotta have that freaking fix...
🙃NARRATOR: Finally. It'd been far too long since he'd been able to take a life.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Withering glare*
🙃NARRATOR: Far too long since he was able to taste blood.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Sneer* If Jeff wants to taste blood, he can darn well taste his own.
🙃NARRATOR: A creak from the closet door upstairs as the babysitter watched the scene unfold in front of her. Her trembling body drew cold as the realization that she would not be saved from this by police like she so hoped.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: That was Jane's doing.
👧VICTORIA: (To the phone) Oh Hamgod. The police are here. I think they're going to be killed.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: How would she come up with this when Jeff is in the living room and she's in the pantry/closet? Which one is it anyway?
🙃NARRATOR: SOUND: telephone click to busy signal
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Jane struck again... *Scowl*
👧VICTORIA: Hello? Are you still there!?... God no....
OFFICER 1: This is your last warning!
🆔SOUND: pause
👧VICTORIA: Help me I'm in here!
🆔SOUND: door crash
🙃NARRATOR: JEFF heard the scream but the blood of the police OFFICERs was calling him.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: And Jeffrey knew he was in for a double rush, getting to kill one person and terrorize another. Just how he likes it! *Burning glare, spits*
🙃NARRATOR: He had to satisfy the feeling.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: No. He wanted to...
🙃NARRATOR: The first OFFICER's weapon entered through the door to sweep the room. A bullet to the head or a tackle to the ground, a short drive to prison and the gas chamber, but JEFF had been doing this for years since he carved his mark into his family. JEFF slid his knife into the wrist of the first OFFICER and used the tool to pull him into the house.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Gah that's stupid. Anyone with a gun could put Jeffrey and his precious little security blank--I mean knife, down on the ground.
🙃NARRATOR: The OFFICER's hands twitched and spasmed forcing the gun to fire off two shots. The noises waking the baby upstairs and turning the babysitter's hysterical cries into screams of pure terror.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Which really got Jeffrey's happy joy feelings pumping. *Scowl*
🙃NARRATOR: JEFF stepped into the doorway, withdrawing his blade from the OFFICER's wrists and pushing it into his neck.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Continues glaring* Just wait until Jeffrey gets it in the neck.
🙃NARRATOR: His partner's wild, panicked eyes could only see the black rings around JEFF's and the gurgling, choking of dying friend.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Jeff is really in deep trouble, the kind his stupid knife won't save him from. *Menacing look*
🙃NARRATOR: The OFFICER, horrified by the sight, and now with blurred vision fired his gun directly in front of him.
*Rolling eyes* Let me guess, hitting his friend instead of the one who should be shot - Jeffrey...
🙃NARRATOR: Missing their mark, the rounds only succeeded in putting his partner out of his pain.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Gets gold star off shelf and puts it with others in collection*
🙃NARRATOR: JEFF dropped the dead body and with a quick motion of his left hand,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Because only he can be quick in the presence of anybody else except for maybe Jane or Randy, because if you're evil as all get-out, you're quick and can do anything, but if you're decent and innocent, you're slow, weak, and terrified. Bollox!
🙃NARRATOR: grabbed the side of the OFFICER's pistol pushing off aim. The OFFICER still pulled the trigger as many times as he was able. It didn't matter the burns from the discharge against JEFF's hand only fueled his crazed frenzy.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Of course, but sheesh, if you want to stop some out of his skull adrenalin-addicted fiend, you don't shoot him in the hand, you shoot him in the head, heart, or somewhere that's sure to down him...
🙃NARRATOR: The knife found its mark in the middle of this OFFICER's chest and sliced its way up to his chin.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Glowers at Jeff*
💩JEFF: (Deep breath) Ah. Too long.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Shut up, vermin!
🙃NARRATOR: SOUND: screams from the VICTORIA. Baby crying faded back.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Continues glaring at Jeff*
💩JEFF: That’s right.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: I said shut your worthless mouth!
🙃NARRATOR: SOUND: the sound of the closet door opening and the screams grow louder
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes*
👧VICTORIA: Please don't hurt me! Please! I won't tell anyone! Just take the money or baby and not me!
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: What the ruddy hex!? *Scowl* She actually said "Take the baby" OMFG So much for being kind!
💩JEFF: Shh
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: No, you shut up, stinkface!
🙃NARRATOR: JEFF pulled The VICTORIA to her feet by her hair. The poor girl’s cries grew louder as JEFF put the point of the knife between her eyes... and pressed in... Slowly.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Glowers at Jeff*
💩JEFF: Just go to sleep...
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: You, just drop dead!
🙃NARRATOR: SOUND: squirts of blood and crushing of bone until with one final crunch her screams stop. The Baby cries.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Burning glower*
Wait I thought the sitter survived. That's what the meme said anyway.
💩JEFF: (Getting further away)
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: And Jeffrey can get further away and further away until he's stranded on Neptune.
💩JEFF: Quiet down little guy..... Or am I going to have to make you quiet?
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Glowers at Jeff* Now that you think nobody's coming for you, you suddenly get the *cough* to kill a baby. Oh, have I got plans for you...
🙃NARRATOR: Outside the house, the car pulls to a stop. The MOTHER and FATHER rush from the vehicle to the door. Frenzied, the couple has forgotten any issues that may have arisen over the past few days between them and all they can see now are the red and blue flashing lights and hear the cry of their baby. They rushed their way up the steps and into the baby's room. Immediately, out of maternal instinct, the MOTHER picked the child up to comfort it and to assure herself that he was OK. However, despite her efforts the baby continued to cry. The family collapsed to the floor together in an embrace.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: What the - how ridiculous is this?
The parents come back home, see police car with lights flashing - wouldn't the battery be dead at this point? They hear the baby crying from outside the house and then go in and take the baby and collapse with him on the floor in a big embrace, not noticing the two officers' bodies plus victoria's all over the house, not to mention they don't even notice Jeff there, licking his big carved out chops as he's about to kill the baby? and Jeff just stands there, watching all of this with an extra wave of euphoria because now he's got the couple scared and sad too.
No sense...
🙃NARRATOR: SOUND: Sirens fade up to full volume. Cut off by recorder click.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: What? They don't fade out, they fade up? There's definitely something wrong with the physics here...
👮Agent East: Hmm? Oh this? No no. I'm just keeping an audio log miss.....
👩🏾MOTHER: Oh. You mean so you can turn that one in or is it like notes?
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Huh? How did Agent East get into this and why are he and the mother talking so casually? How is it that the sitter got killed but the couple, and probably the baby survived, when the meme says that Jane, not Jeff killed them? Yet here it says Jeff killed the sitter and two officers?
👮Agent East: Yes, yes. It's kind of way that I take notes so that I can type up my report later....
👩🏾MOTHER: Oh. That's just a bit... odd all the other police OFFICERs just had a pen and pad.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Why is this even important? They've just apparently rescued their child from Jeffrey, and she's going on about how an agent takes notes.
👮Agent East: (Laugh) yeah I'm a bit too lazy for the pen and pad. And besides miss I'm not the police. Agent Marcus East, FBI remember?
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: I remember... Wish I could say I didn't.
👩🏾MOTHER: Yes, so much more well-mannered than the police too.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Huh? They got knifed, how does that make them not well-mannered? Were they supposed to just say "please" and "thank you" to that? It's not like you were even there to see them get killed.
Gah, is everybody so whacked out stupid?
And have we changed the scene to a precinct or something? Or did this agent just suddenly appear in the house like Waldo?
👮Agent East: Well thank you, miss. I appreciate that. But I'm afraid we need to be getting to the darker part of this conversation.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Uh, yeah...
👩🏾MOTHER: Of course.
👮Agent East: I'll try to make this quick but for my recording and to confirm with you, I'm just going to go over the police reports here.
🆔SOUND: papers flipping
👮Agent East: Break in at322 Wilshire Boulevard, but it seems that all valuables are accounted for? No missing electronics, jewelry...was that right?
👩🏾MOTHER: That's right but... there was a small amount of cash taken from the drawer in our bedrooms. $80 I think.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: You call that a small amount to be stashed in a drawer?
👮Agent East: Right. And of course. I'm sorry to bring this up again but I have to confirm. We have 3 victims. Homicide. 2 are OFFICERs from the local police department responding to the 911 call that was placed by the third victim VICTORIA Brant who was babysitting for you on that night.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Because Jane must've called them, pretending to be Victoria, after she got her info and hung up. Victoria thought she was calling the police, but she got Jane instead.
👩🏾MOTHER: Y-yes. She would baby sit for us when we would go out of town on weekends or to our sessions... (Beginning to sob)
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Sighs, irritated expression* Jeffrey and Jane are really gonna get it in the neck.
👮Agent East: Thank you miss. I'm so sorry we'll move on. Your son thankfully completely unharmed thank god. Was that right?
👩🏾MOTHER: Yes... yes he's fine.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Only because you somehow got in there and apparently scared Jeffrey off.
👮Agent East: And the only thing they found was a note with Miss Brant.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: So - Miss Brant is Victoria?
🤥Meme: Jane's note: JEFF, if you are reading this, 🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Delete rest of meme note which was mangled way above.*
👮Agent East: Miss do you know a JEFF? Is that a friend? Someone you've seen around the neighborhood? A name from somewhere in this town? Miss Brant's boyfriend perhaps?
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: You kook, do you not see that the note is signed by Jane? Can't you figure out that it's your own pet project and she's working in competition with Jeff The Killer now?
👩🏾MOTHER: Not at all... I don't know a JANE either...
👮Agent East: Of course of course. But I'm sure that the previous OFFICERs got any information about JANE.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: They were killed, you twit!
👮Agent East: Have you seen anyone that might have been JEFF leaving the house? Heard from a neighbor where the man might be headed?
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: How could she, they just got back. If they had noticed Jeff skulking around in the basement for an entire day before leaving on vacation, surely they would've reported the trespass.
👩🏾MOTHER: No... AGENT EAST shouldn't you be more concerned with who wrote the note than who it was for?
👮Agent East: (Small laugh) Right you are. Right. You see we've been tracking a son of a wench named JEFF.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: And to you, Jane is totally no concern, not after 25 people died just to make her what she is, and then another five got killed directly by her, and she's been killing ever since. Nah, I can totally see why there's no cause for alarm to you. *Rolling eyes* Idiot!
👮Agent East: Almost had him too but like an idiot I thought to let him wander a bit too far.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah, you are an idiot.
👮Agent East: And then something like this happens. If there wasn't anything else miss, maybe I should b-
👩🏾MOTHER: AGENT EAST please! You have to find these people. This person! This murderer! 3 people died in my home and god knows what he did to my baby!
🆔SOUND: baby crying
👮Agent East: Ma'am please. I assure you. I've been following JEFF for a while now. I'm going to find the son of a wench.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: That's the second time you've used that term, and it's totally unprofessional of you.
👩🏾MOTHER: I'm sorry. He's been crying so often since.... last night.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, so then this is the morning after - the day after it all happened?
Because she didn't arrive until late the night/morning of the murders, so wouldn't have known if the baby had cried while still in Victoria's care.
If you had said this was a witness statement a day after or something like that, it would make more sense.
👮Agent East: May I? (Singing) Hush little baby don't say a word. Mama's going to buy you a mocking-bird. (Voice drifts back and forth between JANE and AGENT EAST) and if that mockingbird wont sing, Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring (humming)
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: I'm going to be sick. Wait when did Janey get in here?
👩🏾MOTHER: What... how did?
🆔SOUND: the baby quiets down
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes* So Agent East and Jane are both Sues!
👮Agent East: That should be everything I need Miss. and don't go to sleep.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Gah, that agent must've had his brain rewired by she-devil Mary Sue Janey...
😈JANE: You might not wake up.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Shut up, Janey!
🙃NARRATOR: SOUND: tape player clicks to a stop.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Well, okay, the meme says the parents were killed by Janey. The extended story says the sitter and too officers were killed by Jeffrey.
And Agent East is still in deep denial or ignorance about Jane's true nature.
The only question I'm left with now is how did everyone come back alive again?
The meme says it was the sitter who gave the statement about what happened. The extended version had her getting killed and the mother giving the witness statement.
So, this was Jeff and Jane working in a perverse tandem to kill people.
Considering how dense Agent East is when it comes to Jane, this allowed her to have another crack at the couple since she figured Jeff was likely to try again.
So, the first attack - that was Jeff, with Jane pretending to play 911 operator.
Babysitter Victoria was killed.
Next attack was Jane, striking when the parents had got a different sitter, probably Veronica from the Killer Clown Statue chain letter.
The reason Jane killed the parents? 1. She had a hankering just like Jeff. 2. She was afraid if the parents stayed alive for too long, they and the agent and remaining police might put it al together and consider Jane the threat right along with Jeff.
Janey couldn't have that, it would completely torpedo her glorious hero image in the eyes of the authorities. And it was her own stupid fault for taunting Jeff and signing her name to the note in the first place.
So, the parents had to go.
So the 4:33 in the morning attack was Jane, and the only reason she didn't kill Veronica and the baby was because when she'd shut up Veronica in the closet, the girl called emergency when she could get the chance to without Jane knowing. That's why the girl could only phone in the emergency during Jane attacking and killing the parents. If she had tried to phone earlier, before the parents were home, she might've gotten her phone taken away and her guts spilled. Her best bet for survival was to try and stay out of the way.
Only now, she's still a witness, and Jane stupidly left the same note at the scene, unable to stop herself from taunting Jeffrey that not only did he miss killing the couple and their child again, but that he wouldn't get the chance because she beat him to it.
*Scowl* This duo is going down, hard!
This is no longer part of the meme story, but a continuation of the typo writer's story that had included it. This is what comes after the notorious letter scenario.
--
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: Anotehr week passed Jeff grow anxious. He began to see the girl behind him even more and never once caught a glimpse of face he wanted to meet her he wanted to kill her but at same tim he did'nt he still wants to learn more about her her life her haterd of him it amused him to think about it.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: What the heck is this gibberish?
🤓♨️Dorkpool: The writer of “Half-Life, Full Life Consequences” is probably reading this and thinking, “Dude, learn to spell!”
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: That same day Jeff finally met his fate. He used the same tactic as he did with the house he found Jane's letter in to break into another family's house (two parents, a sister, and a young baby boy) he waited until night yet again. At night, he crawled out and murdered the sister and the two parents he then started walking towarded the boy's room when someone tackled him. "Who are you!?" Jeff yelled but quietly.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Uh, what? You don't yell quietly. Not even if you're stupid Jeff The Killer. That's the point of a yell, it is not quiet... Gah.
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: "Who do you think, Jeffery?" the girl teased.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: So Jeff and Jane wanna both go down at once, after all. I might be able to arrange that, but will not allow either of them the satisfaction of killing each other.
🤓♨️Dorkpool: (Jane): I’m your ex-wife! I’ve come to get alimony!
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Lol I just don't see either of them ever being married, though.
🤓♨️Dorkpool: (Jeff): Never!
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: He suddenly realied it was Jan.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, wait, it is not Jane, it is not Jana, but Jan! I'm getting dizzy.
🤓♨️Dorkpool: Ah, yes, the scary and well-known Jan the Killer.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Hahahaha!
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: Jeff eventully escaped and ran in to the boy's room but Jane was hot on his heel she ran in too. Jeff backed in to cornor he knew that he could probably fight Jane back but what if Jane had a few trick he didnt know.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh come on, the only "tricks" these losers have is knives hidden in every crack and crevice of their clothing/on their persons...
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: Something then came over Jeff. He realisded all the pain he caused had cause all the misrey he had caused his brother he had killed his parents everyone he bagan to feel emotion.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh FCOL, that's what he thrived on. He didn't give a flying hot dart about his brother, whom he did not kill anyway. Liu helped him elude the police and cover up more murders.
Jeffrey's not suddenly going to get something he never possessed - a conscience, and certainly not from equally conscienceless Jane...
🤓♨️Dorkpool: (Narrator): Jeff was becoming a real boy!
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Nope, no laugh here.
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: After all of the killing, he realised his legacy must end at some point. Jeff dropped his knife.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh please, he's just bummed that Jane beat him to the crime again.
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: "G-go ahead. Finish it."
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Nope, not going down that way.
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: Jane frowned.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Of course she wouldn't want to do that at his request/demand/order. Jane is exactly like Jeff, so she only kills people who don't want to die.
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: "I can;t kill you like this that would be too easy it would be letting you win!" she said.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Bingo! How does it feel, being mentally dissected, Janey?
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: Jeff suddenly smirked to himself.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Of course he did, because Janey just gave him a reason to want to kill her instead of himself. He doesn't want her to win either. In that respect, they will both get what they want, at the same time, they will get exactly what they don't want. Because neither of them will get the satisfaction of winning anything.
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: "W-Whats funny?" Jane questioned.
🤓♨️Dorkpool: (Jeff): How badly written this story is.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Nice try. If the baby survived, get him to say that instead, and that'll be worth a laugh.
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: Jeff suddenly punched Jane and grabbed the knife aiming it right at his throat.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Because he'd rather kill himself than let her have the chance to do it...
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: "I-it's time for me to... go to sleep."
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Actually Jeff you should've "gone to sleep" ages ago...
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: Jeff slit his own throat.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Hurrah! *Applauds* Now if Jane would follow suit...
🤓♨️Dorkpool: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: A small boy then awoke, his vision blurry.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Squirms uncomfortably and sighs* Must we get some little kid involved in this?
Okay then, he decided to write this story, which explains why all the typos and spelling errors...
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: As this happened Jane ducked into the closet of the small boy's closet door woke the small boy the door had been creaked open when Jeff had entered to kill the baby boy, but Jane was there somehow she hid the closet.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Jane hid the closet? Sh goes from a bed post to an action figure to a girl in the woods to a knife-wielding killer to - what? A wall?
And don't give me this "She saved the little boy" crap, because she's just as capable of killing him as Jeff is. If she saves any children at all, she only does it for her own *cough* glory, to try getting herself out of as much trouble as Jeff is in, trouble they both deserve, and will get in full measure.
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: The boy suddenly saw a dead body it was Jeff's body. He screamed. Jane suddenly realized what she must do.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah, kill the boy. Or kill herself. I hope it's the latter.
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: Jane plunged the knife into herself.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Hurrah! *Applauding loudly* Woo-hoo! Bravo! Jeff and Jane actually bite the dust in this one!
*Checks self and looks at the little boy sympathetically* Sad for you to witness, kid, but both of these pieces of trash would've killed you were it not for being so busy with each other. For better or worse, you just got saved by their exit. *Holds and comforts little kid while calling to report the deaths*
🤓♨️Dorkpool: Logic!
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: Her dead body fell out of the closet. The boy fainted from the shock.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Continues holding the little kid while waiting for the ambulance and police*
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: The police found both bodies after a couple days.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf:Huh? Bother these time-warps.
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: A neighbor wanted to check up on them and called the police after two days an officer investigated. He found the bodies and claimed that the imfamous Jeff The Killer was dead.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: And the equally infamous Jane The Killer was also dead, don't forget about Jane.
🤓♨️Dorkpool: (Narrator): Parades were held, and the song, “Ding, Dong, the Crappypasta Character Is Dead” was played.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Followed by the song "Celebrate Good Times"!
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: A legend had fallen.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Actually it was two vile stinking pieces of garbage.
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: The body was put in a coffin.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: There were two bodies, you're forgetting about Jane. And I wouldn't give either of them a coffin or anything that goes with paying them any honor in death.
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: A legend had finally given in.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: I told you. It was two pieces of trash. Okay, I'll try to make it a little clearer.
Two bloody cowards went out in a display of carnage and ignoble self-pity.
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: The body was buried.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: The bodies were buried in a dumpster.
🤓♨️Dorkpool: (Narrator): A legend had exploded.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Lol!
(Narrator): A body was spit on.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah!
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: A legend had left a legacy of hate but had tried to redeem himself in the eyes of the word.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Two rival sadistic cowards had left a legacy of hate, but tried to redeem themselves in the eyes of... The word? What word? Since when do words have eyes unless you're talking about the letter 'i'?
🤓♨️Dorkpool: The word? What, did Jeff pi$$ of a bird?
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: According to one of the re-writes of the most infamous pasta about him, he did more than that to birds, killing songbirds was a hobby of his.
👦🏻🖥Typo Writer: Jeff was dead.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: So was Jane. And Ocean elf was finally satisfied.
🤓♨️Dorkpool: Well, at least this story has a happy ending.
END RIFF
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Hahahaha!
🤓♨️Dorkpool: This story is bad, but enjoyable. Sure it has terrible spelling and grammar, the character motivation makes no sense (seriously, why did Jeff and Jane randomly kill themselves), and it's incredibly stupid, but it's funny as he|| to read. Also, Jeff the Killer dies in this story, so that's a good thing. Honestly, this is probably the Creepypasta equivalent of a "so bad, it's good" movie. It does almost everything wrong, but it's still funny as he|| to read.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: It does everything wrong that the majority of JTK pastas do, but the one thing it finally does right is kill off both Jeff and Jane, and that makes it worth while. Although I'd rather someone else had offed them, and not each other. But I'll settle for them committing suicide too.
We get why Jeff kills himself, but Jane's motive is less clear. So let me dissect her mind again and guess why she offed herself.
She had already killed a bunch of people. she knew it was only a matter of time before she was caught, especially with Jeff being dead. She didn't want to leave the boy alive. That meant he might someday try to get revenge on her for destroying the rest of his family. She didn't want to be known as a child killer either, so she just killed herself. also, Jeff cheated her out of the chance at doing him in, so she was bummed out enough about that to lose the will to live.
🤓♨️Dorkpool: So, what do you guys think? Was the story good? Was the Riff good? Do you wish I would randomly kill myself? Leave your thoughts in the comments below!
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: I like how the story ended. I loved most of your commentary running through it. I don't want you to kill yourself, at all.
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