The Holiday Guide from Orlando Weekly became a chain letter, and you know what that means.
a mangle coming right up.
Holiday Guide
Orlando Weekly's Guide to the Holidays
By OW Staff
PUBLISHED: NOVEMBER 24, 2011
👩💻👨💼👩🎓👨🎨👩💼👨💻👩🎨👨🎓OW Staff: It’s a miracle!
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: You know, I really dislike people tossing that word around like it's nothing, and completely trivializing the miraculous. That is how some TV commercials get a quick rush for the remote to be turned off or have the channel switched. You don't perform miracles merely by selling stuff.
👩💻👨💼👩🎓👨🎨👩💼👨💻👩🎨👨🎓OW Staff: We’ve coughed up this holiday guide chock-full of wish lists and gift ideas and decorative filigree just for you.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: There are a couple of things about it that don't exactly make me grateful. First, it's this 'miracle' business. Lose it.
👩💻👨💼👩🎓👨🎨👩💼👨💻👩🎨👨🎓OW Staff: Now you don’t even have to visit your grandparents this year to experience awkward neediness!
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Besides the fact that I can't visit my grand-parents who have passed on years ago, why would I want to experience awkward neediness?
👩💻👨💼👩🎓👨🎨👩💼👨💻👩🎨👨🎓OW Staff: Inside, we have laid bare our souls in an effort to stimulate your crass consumerism and, well, maybe score a little something for ourselves, too.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: of course you have, especially with the latter ("Pass it on!") being the bottom line and the direct result of the former, (people re-sharing it all over,) yeah, I'm on to you.
👩💻👨💼👩🎓👨🎨👩💼👨💻👩🎨👨🎓OW Staff: But, like most miracles, this one comes with a catch.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Huh? what lackwit said so? Miracles do not come with catches!
👩💻👨💼👩🎓👨🎨👩💼👨💻👩🎨👨🎓OW Staff: By accepting this miracle,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: I do not accept this as a miracle!
👩💻👨💼👩🎓👨🎨👩💼👨💻👩🎨👨🎓OW Staff: you have tacitly agreed to purchase at least 10 items for our needy staff.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Lol Don't count on it.
👩💻👨💼👩🎓👨🎨👩💼👨💻👩🎨👨🎓OW Staff: It’s kind of like a chain letter. Just forward this to 10 of your friends, make them forward it to 10 of their friends – and so on – until everybody is happy. We all win at Christmas!
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: And now we come to the second big problem with your scheme. It is not 'like' a chain letter, it *IS* one, and I wouldn't forward it to anyone if you bought me 10 items from your collection.
👩💻👨💼👩🎓👨🎨👩💼👨💻👩🎨👨🎓OW Staff: If you choose not to participate in this particular Christmas miracle (jerk!),
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Headdesk* It is NOT a Christmas miracle! NOT - A - MIRACLE!
👩💻👨💼👩🎓👨🎨👩💼👨💻👩🎨👨🎓OW Staff: just go ahead and flip through the following pages where you’ll find a plastic snowstorm of diversions to keep your nuts cracking and your dreidel spinning all season long. The lazy ones among us might want to check back in a month for our last-ditch effort to get you to press your credit card’s longest yard with our last-minute gift guide.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh I'll bet you'd like that. Meh. You haven't given me any incentive.
👩💻👨💼👩🎓👨🎨👩💼👨💻👩🎨👨🎓OW Staff: For now, though, we’ll be wanly staring into our empty mailboxes awaiting your finely wrapped parcels, choking on swill and avoiding our grandparents’ phone calls.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Well, that's sure not nice of you, avoiding your grandparents calls, and bragging about it no less. The naughty list for you!
Okay, you do your thing, swill and all. But I'm not forwarding this swill on to anyone.
One last thing - miracles VS Memes:
Miracles are amazing wonders.
Memes are annoying blunders.
Miracles are not achieved by just anybody.
any moron can start a meme.
Miracles do not have a catch.
Memes do.
Ha ha! Mangled!
Over and out.
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