by BP and Ocean Elf
James Ronald believed in chain letters. he thought they would improve his life. He was mistaken.
Once upon a time, there was this silly kid with no life. His name was james Ronald, and he was desperate for attention and a girl he liked.
Jill could not stand James Ronald. And it was Jill James was after.
James Ronald tried everything from sneaking her love notes during class, to slipping rubber mice in her lunch box, and the more he tried, the more she was determined to ignore him.
Jill was best friends with Kim, and one of their favorite hobbies was emailing and texting stupid chain letter messages to each other and to everyone else as much as possible.
James Ronald found out about this because of all the forwards he was getting from friends, with Kim and and/or Jill's name and email being somewhere in the headers.
So, James decided to write a chain letter of his own and see if it would take off.. He did Facebook more than regular email, so, tailored his chain message for Facebook quiz applications. It read:
* * *
"my name is james ronald
now you have read my name, means you cant get out! i just died of a chain message , my eyes are burnt and my face is bloody, and i want you to know how it feels like. but the bright side is you must post this to 7 other quizzes, let people read them and know about my death. dont believe me ... then i suggest you get a copy of a newspaper in malaysia.
i have killed 4 people so far, YOU the one who is reading this, could be next!
i will enter the window closest to you with a butcher knife.
so you better send this to 7 other quizzes."
* * *
His Facebook friends thought it was the most hilarious joke, so they spread the spam to even more quiz applications. His chain made it to at least one animal rights page on Facebook, going beyond the quiz applications.
Although James was happy with his chain spreading like an epidemic, it didn't cure his lovelife woes.
Jill was complaining to Kim one day about James Ronald and how he wouldn't leave her alone.
"You can always send him a crush chain letter. The longer he waits for his crush to contact him," said Kim, "the longer he won't bother you."
"That's ingenius, Kim! I'll do it! Which one should I send, though? I know we sent around the Anne Wichert World Record chain last week.
"Well, you could always try some I have on my Facebook.
Kim got into trouble for texting in class, but she and Jill, small-minded as they were, thought sending chain letters was important enough to put their education on hold.
The result was James acting like a total dork for the next few days as he tried and retried the steps in the chain letters Jill had sent him.
* * *
"PLEASE DONT READ THIS."
That was reverse psychology, a trick chain letters sometimes use to get people actually reading them. James read it, of course, and followed the instructions.
* * *
"YOU WILL BE KISSED ON THE NEAREST POSSIBLE FRIDAY BY THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE.TOMMOROW WILL BE THE BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE."
"Huh? I don't get it," James thought. It was only Tuesday, and if tomorrow was going to be the best day of his life, it was only Wednesday. Wasn't he supposed to get kissed on Friday, which would then be the best day of his life?
But then, it suddenly dawned on him! The chain letter didn't say 'tomorrow' would be the best day of his life, but "TOMMOROW" with a double 'M, and all in caplock, so maybe that was the chain letter special term for the best day of your life. In which case, that made the phrase a bit redundant.
Well, what did that matter, as long as James got a kiss from Jill on Friday, but how was he going to survive the next couple of days?
The chain letter went on.
"NOW YOU'VE STARTED READING THIS. DON'T STOP. THIS IS SO FREAKY.
1. say your name 10 times"
"James," the teacher said, "You don't seem to be paying attention, do you care to explain what you're finding so fascinating?"
James responded, by following the chain letter's instructions and not the teacher's. "James Ronald. James Ronald. James Ronald." he repeated ten times.
The whole class laughed, including Kim and Jill, who were laughing the hardest, being the instigators of the trick.
"That's enough, James." the teacher said.
The chain letter instructed:
"2. say your mom's name 5 times"
"Linda, Linda, Linda, Linda, Linda." said James.
The teacher gave him a very strange look. "You are headed for trouble, Mr. Ronald." she said.
The chain letter went on:
"3. say your crushes name 3 times"
"Jill, jill, jill!" James shouted.
There were guffaws and hoots from the class, and Jill turned as red as a beet.
James's fingers flew on his notebook, because the chain letter said:
"4. paste this to 4 other quizzes. if you do this, your crush will kiss you on the nearest Friday. but if you read this and do not paste this, then you will have very bad luck. SEND THIS TO 5 QUIZZES IN 143 MINUTES. WHEN YOU'RE DONE PRESS F6 AND YOUR CRUSH'S NAME WILL APPEAR IN BIG LETTERS ON THE SCREEN. THIS IS SO FREAKY BECAUSE IT ACTUALLY WORK"
* * *
"You've held up the class long enough, James, I'm writing you up for disruption.
"What a dweeb!" Jill said, giving James a dirty look when school was out.
"See you on the best day of my life!" he called.
When he got home, he checked his email to find Kim had sent him a chain letter this time. It read:
* * *
"THIS REALLY WORKS!!"
"I sure hope so." James thought, and read a little further.
"FIRST put both hands on your chest"
James did this, just as the phone rang.
"Shut up you stupid phone, I'm trying to get Jill to notice me!"
The phone continued to ring, and James continued to ignore it. Later, he would regret his decision not to answer that call, big time.
The chain letter went on:
"SECOND think of something you want"
"Jill Jill Jill Jill!" James mouthed, and thought so hard that he gave himself a headache.
"THIRD tomorrow you will get a surprise with the thing your wished for."
"Oh! Oh! It'll happen tomorrow and not on Friday!?" James jumped up and started spinning around his room like a wound-up top.
"FOURTH heres the catch write this to five quizes TRY THIS its weird"
* * *
James got on Facebook, found more quiz applications and spammed them with both chain letters for good measure.
The next day, he overheard David Marsden and Kelly Sedey talking about the fabulous concert they'd been to the night before.
"Why didn't anybody tell me? I really wanted to go!" James said.
"I called you since you're their biggest fan," said Kelly Sedey, "I had an extra ticket, but you weren't there, so I gave the ticket to him."
"The next biggest fan," David Marsden kidded.
"When did you call me?" James asked.
"After school, somewhere between 4 and 5 I guess."
James's heart sank. That was the phone call he missed, thanks to his foolish decision to follow a chain letter.
Nothing happened the next day, and James did not get kissed on Friday. Instead, he heard the bad news from Katie Robbenson. She saw Jill kiss Richard S. Willis.
By this time, James thought his life royally sucked. He was sure he had done something wrong with the chain letters, and this was the cause of his rotten luck. He never once assumed the chain letters themselves were the culprits. He was desperate to get another chance with Jill. So he, of course, sought out more chain letters. Little did he know he was about to get involved in something much messier than he anticipated.
Later that day, as James was feeling rather sorry for himself, he checked through his e-mail in hopes of finding another "Good Luck" e-mail. What he found wasn't what he had expected.
It was an e-mail about a girl named Amanda, a girl whose dying wish had been to have a chain letter started about her and passed around.
Upon noticing that he got to make a wish, James instantly took the bait. "Please let Jill like me!" He whispered to himself. He sent the e-mail on to 17 people he'd managed to get the e-mail adresses from.
He waited patiently for the "something good in the next few minutes" the e-mail promised if he faithfully sent it on to 16+ people. What happened next was, again, not what he expected.
Someone appeared in his room. She was very pale, and somewhat pretty.
"Jamesy!" She cooed.
James gaped.
"Oh, thank yous so much for sending on my letter! Oh, I've been terribly lonely-no one else fell for my letter as much as you did! And you've been so supportive of my living friends!" She drifted toward him, smiling. "We're going to stick together forever now! No more floating in lonely boredom for me!"
James continued to gape.
"Oh how rude of me! I'm Amanda, of course. See, I used to be like you-one day, I don't know exactly why-but I must have done something wrong with a chain letter-I just up and had a heart-attack!"
"Wait, your letter says you died of cancer!"
"Oh, I'm afraid things get lost in translation when you possess computers." She sighed contentedly. "But none of that matters now, Jamesy, because you gave the last little bit of gullibility my letter needed to bring my ghost-self almost, sorta back to not-quite-life! Lemme give you a hug!"
Amanda floated toward James, attempting to hug him. She drifted through him, leaving small wisps of white ghost-body floating around and on him.
"Aaack! What the-?!" James stood and left his room, intent on fleeing the ghost.
"But Jamesy, wait! Don't you want to be with me forevers? Come back here! Oh, are we playing tag? I'll get you, Jamesy!"
Amanda trailed after James for the remainder of the day, cooing at him, calling after him, and attempting to hug him. The worst part of it was the fact that James seemed to be the only one who could see or hear her.
He was moping around the park when Amanda accosted him.
"Hey, sweety! You tryin' to hide from little old me?"
"You're starting to freak me out!"
"ME? Why on Earth would I want to scare my little Jamesy?"
"I don't know-but you are! And stop calling me Jamesy!"
"Does it bother you?"
"Yes."
"Sowy, Jamesy. I hug you, make it all better!"
"Gaaaah! Amanda-" It was at that moment that James noticed Jill and Kim were watching him.
"He's completely flipped." Jill whispered to Kim."
Kim snickered.
"I wouldn't laugh too hard just yet, girls." came a whisper from behind them.
"Whaaaaaa!" Both girls screamed, stumbling forward, crashing right into James, knocking him down.
"Aaaaa! Watch it you wenches!" James shouted.
It took a few moments for the clumsy trio to untangle themselves and stand up.
"Oh, no," Amanda wailed, "Not you!"
"Hey, I go wherever I end up whenever I cross that bridge." the new arrival said. "Hello everyone," she went and touched James, then Kim and Jill, and when she did, they could see her.
She was a very pale woman with very long black hair, and she was wearing what appeared to be a nightgown. Her eyes were clouded over. She stood, smiling at the group, and it was the sort of smile that made them feel uneasy.
"What the heck!?" Kim gaped, "She's got no hands!"
"I do so," the new ghost woman retorted, "Don't you put your hands in your sleeves when they're freezing?"
"When my sleeves are freezing?" Amanda kidded.
The other ghost shook her head.
"At least she's prettier than you, Amanda," James said.
"You think I'm pretty?" the new ghost asked.
"No!" Amanda snapped.
"Shut up, I wasn't asking you!"
"You got some nerve horning in on my boyfwend Jamesey!" Amanda stormed.
"I'm not your boyfriend!" James shouted back.
"And I'm not your girlfriend!" Jill snapped at him.
"Now that we have that straight," said the new ghost, "I'd like to introduce myself."
"I'd like if you didn't." said Amanda.
"Too bad, I'm going to anyway. I'm Lisa. Some people think I am Cherokee Chief John Ross's wife, Madam Firecrochet,"
"Madam Firecrochet?" Amanda laughed.
"Yes," Lisa grinned. "But there are a couple of things wrong with that."
"Like what, other than the obviously funny contrived name," Kim asked.
"Chief John Ross's first wife's name was Quatie Brown Henley. She lived from 1790 to 1839. Chief Ross's second wife was Mary Brian Stapler, and she lived from 1826 to 1865. So, there was never such person as Madam Firecrochet married to Cherokee chief John ross."
"So what about you?" James asked. "Are you married?"
Amanda scowled at him.
The new ghost woman answered, "I'm not married and never was."
"So your name is Lisa Firecrochet?" James asked.
"Of course not. It's Lisa Marie Gonzalez."
"You look more like a Firecrochet to me." said Amanda. "You're the ugliest girl I've ever seen!"
"And you don't look all there." Lisa shouted back, she was just about to shove Amanda, when the other ghost got the same idea.
"Why you - " Amanda howled as both she and Lisa shoved at each other.
Soon, the two ghosts were hitting, kicking and making nasty faces at each other as they tumbled and roled about in a fierce brawl.
"Aack! Watch it!" James shouted, as the two ghosts rolled into him, covering him in wisps of ghost.
"You stupid wench!" Amanda shouted, pulling on Lisa's hair. "Jamesy is MINE! MINE! MIIIIIIIINNNNNEEEE!"
Lisa punched Amanda on the nose. "You ugly little she-beast!"
"Take that back!"
"Never!"
"I'll kill you for that!"
"I'm already dead, stupid!"
"YOOOOOUUUUUU IIIIIDDDDIIIIIIOOOOTTT!" Amanda grabbed a handful of Lisa's hair in both hands and pulled hard.
Lisa shouted in pain, grabbing a handful of Amanda's hair and giving it a firm tug. The ghosts continued pulling each other's hair as they drifted about, floating through trees, rocks, even people.
"James, get your stupid girlfriend to leave us alone!" Jill spat, attempting to dodge the fighting ghosts.
"For the last time, she's not my girlfriend!"
Amanda abruptly stopped fighting with Lisa. "What? Jamesy, did I upset you?"
"Upset me?! You're having a Battle Royal with another ghost in a public park! Not to mention you've been stalking me!"
"Oh, my Jamesy! You need a hug! Let me make it all better, Jamesy!" Amanda floated towards James, arms outstretched.
"Leave me alone!" He howled, running the other direction as quickly as possible. In his panic, he didn't see where he was going, and ran promptly into a tree. He dropped to the ground, thoroughly conked out.
Amanda gaped at him for a moment before turning back to Lisa, pure fury on her face. "THIS IS YOUR FAULT!" She screeched.
"Wha-?! What did I do?"
"DDDDIIIIIEEEE!" Amanda shrieked like a banshee, flying at Lisa. The pair were once again punching, kicking, pulling hair, etc, like their lives depended on it.
Jill and Kim attempted to quietly leave the scene.
"Oh no you don't!" Amanda shrieked. "This is your fault too!"
"Get off of me, you stupid wench!" Lisa attempted to punch Amanda in the stomach.
"You stupid-hey, I said don't go anywhere! DON'T GO ANYWHERE! DON'T-AAAAAARRRRRGGGHHH! YOU STUPID GIRLS!" Amanda left Lisa where she floated and rushed at Jill and Kim.
The pair was saved a possibly nasty fate by the fact that James had just regained consciousness, and was mumbling incoherently.
"Jamesy!" Amanda squealed, floating to his side. "Do you feel okay? Let me make it all better!"
"Urg...I...don't...like...ghosts..." James muttered.
"Well, you better learn to, since you're well on the way to being one," said Lisa, straightening up.
"What!? I'm not a ghost!"
"According to the chain letter you created, you are."
"What chain letter is that?" Kim asked eagerly. "You didn't tell me you started one!"
"Just a prank I wanted to pull on my Facebook friends." James said. "I was going to send Jill the first copy."
"And then the Facebook worm hit, and the chain spread like wild fire." said Lisa.
"What did it say?" said Kim, "I'd like to forward it to all my friends!"
"Hey, where did that come from?" Amanda interupted. She pointed to a bridge in the distance that no one noticed until now.
"Oh, that's my bridge!" said Lisa excitedly.
"YOUR bridge?" Amanda said incredulously.
"Well, not technically, I didn't build, sell or buy it. But every time I see it, I cross over it into a new adventure. Who knows? Maybe it'll take me back to Georgia, or even the Sundarbans again! That's in around India and Bangladesh. Beautiful country around there." With that, Lisa began walking away, and toward the bridge.
"New adventure?" Kim asked curiously, starting to follow Lisa.
"Kim what're you doing!?" James asked.
"I didn't know that bridge was here, but I've seen it before, somewhere else, just trying to think - hey, where did she go!?"
Lisa got to the middle of the bridge, and then just disappeared.
Kim stepped onto the bridge and began walking across.
"Kim, wait!" Jill said, and she took after Kim, followed by James, then Amanda.
"I can't believe it, we're following a ghost." James muttered.
"No we're not, she's gone." said Amanda from behind him.
James sighed.
"Kim!" Jill exclaimed, seeing her friend disappear before her eyes.
"What the...!?" James began, and then as Jill and he reached the middle of the bridge, Jill disappeared, and then James found himself in a different scene as he walked over the rest of the bridge.
"Look at the cute doggies!" Amanda squealed just behind him.
James groaned. He'd lost his two friends, and even the other ghost, but he couldn't seem to lose this one.
James couldn't make any sense of how they'd gone from a wooded park area to a beach, but sure enough, Amanda was right, there were a couple of dogs wading in water near enough to be heard.
One dog was a dachsund, up to his chin in water, and the other opened its mouth and actually was heard saying, "Dude, stand up, it's only, like, three inches deep." 
"Wha!?" James shook his head.
Amanda giggled.
James tried to ignore her as he stepped off the bridge. He turned around to see the bridge was no longer there.
A little further along, they came upon a man and a bear cub fishing. The man was heard saying to the cub, "Partner ship. You give me half the fish, and I'll tell my mom to let you live." 
"Excuse me, but could you tell me where we are?" James asked.
"Yes," said the man with a slight frown, "You're in the wrong place, I'm trying to catch fish, not young boys."
Amanda laughed.
James huffed and went on his way, with Amanda still following, much to his chagrin.
Jill and Kim were somewhere up ahead with Lisa. The beach had given way to a town, and all over the town there were signs saying "Happy Buddies Day!" and "Happy Online Buddies Day!
The first thing to greet them at the entrance was a cute brown and white monkey that smiled and waved at them. 
As they went along, they saw cute animals and pretty flowers in abundance.
One porch had a rabbit, a kitten, a puppy and a pet rodent all sitting together, apparently celebrating Buddies Day. 
"Oh, how cute!" exclaimed Jill.
"Is that a chinchilla?" asked Kim, looking at the rodent.
"No, it's a hamster!" Or, maybe it's a Guinea pig." said Jill.
"I think it's a chinchilla."
"No, it's a hamster."
The girls would've continued arguing if Lisa hadn't cut in. "Hamsters have very short stubs for tails, and are closer to mice and gerbils in size, so they can fit easily into your hand. Guinea pigs and chinchillas are larger, about the size of a baby or Netherland dwarf rabbit.They are related, but chinchillas have long bushy tails, and Guinea pigs don't have tails at all, or so it appears. Chinchillas have large bare Mickey Mouse ears, and bunny faces.
"Oh!" Kim and Jill said. They had no idea a ghost could tell them so much about things that were so decidedly cute and non-frightening.
"You could get into trouble for arguing today, that's not allowed here on Buddies Day." Lisa continued.
They passed more houses.
On one porch railing perched a bald eagle. The girls heard a small voice saying "Uh, Ted. I wouldn't..." But all the girls could see on the porch besides the eagle were two cats. Apparently, the one called Ted was thinking of attempting to tackle the eagle. 
"Neither would I, pussums," the eagle said back at them, "Besides the fact you both together are no match for me, it's against the rule on Buddies Day."
"Hello Eagle!" Kim called.
"Hello there, person," the eagle replied back. It wasn't easy to read its expression, but the voice sounded cheery enough.
They continued on.
At one house, a white fluffy dog had its head stuck in a small dog door. "The cat made it look easy." it whimpered. 
"I'll be right back." said Lisa. She turned and floated over to the small door, and somehow got the dog's head out. The dog barked and licked her hand, or at least tried to.
They came to the next house, and found two cats up a tree. One was heard saying to the other, "I hope that fireman asks her out soon. This is getting old." 
"Hmmmm, well," said Lisa, "They should be able to get down by themselves, whoever owns these cats sure has a lame ambition and an even lamer way of trying to realize it."
"The next house had a beautiful fluffy white cat sitting just inside, looking through the screen door. The bird outside was heard calling, "George, call the exterminator. We seem to have zombies in the backyard again!" 
"I'm not a zombie." Lisa said indignantly.
"Yeah, well you could have fooled me!" The bird quipped. "GEORGE! Exterminator!"
Amanda snickered. "Hear that, Lisa? You're still a zombie."
"You shut up."
"Make me!"
Not wanting the ghosts to get in another fight, James intervened. "Will you two just pretend to get along, for FIVE seconds? Is it SO hard for you two?"
"If it makes my Jamesy happy." Amanda cooed, attempting to hug James.
"Aack! Stop it!"
"Am I upsetting you, Jamesy?"
Kim and Jill had begun to giggle at the sight.
"How many times do I have to tell you!? Yes!"
Amanda pouted. "But Jamesy-"
"Stop it!"
Amanda finally subsided into moody silence. Lisa snickered at her.
"Hey, George! You called that exterminator yet?"
"Yeah, I got him."
This caught everyone's interest.
"What!?" Kim and Jill exclaimed.
"Wait, the exterminator is just going after Lisa, right?" James asked.
"Nooooo. You're all trespassing, you're all zombies, so obviously, he's going to get you too."
Amanda started to laugh. She pointed accusingly at Lisa. "This is all your fault, see, everyone? I was right not to like you! First you try to steal my Jamesy-Wamesy, then you get all of us-"
Amanda was cut off by the exterminator. Literally. Her head reattached itself, several wisps of ghost body floating to the ground.
The exterminator gaped at her.
"Well, what are YOU looking at? Think you can just decapitate a ghost, do you? Well, I'll show you!" Amanda began to grow in size. Soon, she was over ten feet tall. Her eyes turned red, and her face took on a rather skull-like appearance. She bent over and looked the exterminator in the eyes.
Kim and Jill shrieked.
"DOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!" Amanda bellowed.
The exterminator squeaked fearfully and ran in the opposite direction as quickly as possible.
Amanda giggled and returned to her normal appearance. "Oh Jamesy, that was so much fun!" She attempted to hug James again.
Lisa began to laugh at her. "You're such a weird ghost!"
"Am not!"
"Are too."
"Are not!
"Too."
"Not."
"Too."
Jill and Kim let out their breath, which they had apparently been holding after the shriek.
"Aaaaaaaaarrrrgggghhh!" Amanda ran at Lisa, tackling her.
"You know, Lisa's right, you ARE a weird ghost!" James shouted.
"I am not, she's just stupid!" Amanda shouted.
"Oh, not again!" Kim moaned.
"Before you two ghosts start fighting again," Jill spoke up, "Tell me something. Why have we seen nothing but animals in this town?"
"Because it's Farm Town." Lisa replied. "And on Buddies Day, any human inhabitant is restricted to indoors while the animals come out to play."
"That sucks." said James.
"Not for me, I'd have you all to myself if it wasn't for all these other girls!" Amanda replied, shooting nasty glances at Lisa, then Jill and Kim.
"Oh, shut up." James muttered.
Lisa cleared her throat. "This means we have to cut through here quickly. Farmville is the next town, well, actually, it's the next country, but Farm Town is right on the boarder. Once you're past the cemetery and walking on farmland, you know you're out of Farm Town."
"How are we going to get out of here?" Jill asked.
"Just keep walking. Maybe with any luck, my bridge will appear at some point and we can get out that way." said Lisa.
But the bridge didn't appear.
The group went past more houses with animals and humans inside them, but strangely no more animals were seen outside, and the weather was starting to get colder.
"There's something up ahead," James said presently, pointing to a somewhat darkened place that looked like the end of the road.
"That's the cemetery, and the end of Farm Town."
"Do we have to go through that?" Kim asked.
"If you don't want to get caught outside in this town, yes. They'll put you up for sale as human pets if you're caught up here. They may even put you into giant eggs if they really don't like you." said Lisa.
"That I'd like to see," said Amanda, "You, stuck inside a giant egg."
"Sto it Amanda." Lisa rolled her ghostly eyes at her nemesis.
"Ugh, ghosts." Kim muttered.
"Ack! Behind you! A vampire!" Amanda shrieked.
Sure enough, footsteps were heard coming up behind the group.
Jill and Kim huddled together, and Amanda stuck to James.
Lisa turned around and put her finger to her lips.
The thing approached. Kim always said afterword that it looked more like Napoleon than Dracula. But right now, she was inexplicably afraid of it.
It was a zombie. 
A strange, glistening white film seemed to envelop everyone, and Lisa turned to look at the thing.
"That's strange." the thing said. "I was sure I saw several humans out here." Its voice had a hollow sound that would've been quite comical if everyone hadn't been so scared of being caught and put into giant eggs and up for sale.
"No one here, Mr. Zombie, just me."
"All right, Ghost, go on your way."
"Thank you." Lisa turned and lead the others away, and the zombie turned to walk in the opposite direction.
Once they were at the edge of the cemetery, the white glisten vanished.
There, everyone stood.
"Show-off." Amanda sulked. "Always playing the hero."
Lisa sighed. "Now, we cut through here."
She lead the way, and oddly enough, it was here in the cemetery the humans could see Lisa more clearly than they thought they had before.
They continued on silently for what seemed a very long time. Even James was starting to feel disconcerted.
Eventually, it grew lighter again, and the smell of flowers and moist earth gave way to an altogether different odor.
"Phew!" Jill complained.
"Yes, well, this is Farmville after all," Lisa quipped, grinning.
They made their way out of the cemetery and into a pasture or field of some sort.
The first things they met were a cow and a pig, nosing each other, apparently arguing or teasing, Kim could never figure out which.
"Mad cow?" said the pig.
"Swine flu?" The cow retorted.
"Okay, this is weird." said James Ronald.
"Yes, but I'm afraid you'll have to get used to it." Lisa replied.
"Phew." Kim said again.
"Watch out for that - " Lisa didn't get a chance to finish her sentence.
Right along side the group was the offending source of the bad smell, a fresh cow pie.
A black and white cat sat a few feet away from it, staring at one of its paws. "Cow poop. Yes, I have definitely stepped in cow poop. I hate nature." it complained loudly. 
Jill and Kim tried to smother their laughter, but Amanda and James both laughed out loud, and long.
The cat sat up straighter, bearing its claws, fur puffing out. Its tail began to swish angrily. It uttered a low growl that crescendoed into a screech that finally died away in a most perturbed hiss.
skittish of cats at the best of times, Jill lost her nerve and broke ranks from the group. She began to run aimlessly.
Kim took after her. "Jill! Wait up!"
James was next to take off running. Amanda was on his heels. "Jamesy!"
"Well, kitty," said Lisa, looking back at the cat, "Try to be a little more careful. As if you don't put out similar gucky nature yourself."
"Why you!" The cat began, but Lisa was gliding away after the others, much too quickly.
James was running with nothing but ground and sky in front of him one second, and suddenly, he found himself charging into a cow that wasn't there a nanosecond ago. He wuffed as he impacted.
"Oh crap - no - don't take that literally, cow!" he remembered to add.
"Moooooo!" it said. "Welcome to Farmville!"
"Stupid cow!" Amanda splotched into it as well.
"Stupid ghosts." it said back, and went on grazing.
"Jill and Kim are gone." Lisa announced, coming over to them.
"No kidding!" said Amanda sarcastically.
"Gone out of this land, for some people who need a little more clarification." Lisa added.
"What? Where!?" James asked, looking around.
"I don't know. The bridge appeared and they both ran over it. If they're lucky, they'll have ended up back home. If not, they could be anywhere.
"Where is it?" James started looking and running idiotically around. "I've got to save Jill!"
"Oh, shut up about her already!" Amanda ranted.
"You can't. The bridge appears and disappears, I have no control over when and where it does." said Lisa.
"So that means we're stuck here, Jamesy!" Amanda cooed.
"Make way! Make way!" a voice came from somewhere ahead of them.
It was followed by a frightening loud rumbling, similar to an earthquake or cave-in.
"What's going on!?" Lisa shouted back.
"Out of the WAAAAAAY!" the man hollered back, "Runaway egg! Runaway egg!"
"Runaway egg!?" Lisa shrilled, unable to believe what she was hearing. "What do you - oh no! Run for it, guys!"
The rumbling was becoming deafening now, and everyone could see a huge egg the size of a bull elephant rolling toward them. 
"Jamesy!" Amanda screeched, and clutched him tightly to her.
For once, he was too scared to mind.
The group all darted out of the way, narrowly avoiding getting mowed down.
The egg rolled until it plowed into a fence.
"Oh, darn it!" the man yelled, running after it. "I hate when that happens!"
Soon, the egg started cracking noisily, and within twenty seconds, it had exploded, revealing a dragon.
"Well, that's better than a bus anyway." said the man.
The dragon scuttled along the field and started nibbling on the delicious fruit and vegetables, and frightening the other animals.
"Hey you! Come back here!" the farmer took after it.
Even Lisa had to laugh at the scene.
"What next?" James spluttered.
He didn't have to wait long. The scene kept changing bizarrely before his eyes as he, Amanda and Lisa walked along.
-Two men in expensive suits pushed a pair of large eggs along.
"Think we can still make that other job after this?"
"Oh yeah, and we'll level up a ton for getting these eggs for the boss!"
"Wha-? I'm so-this place is weird." James exclaimed.
"How on Earth did those guys get out of Mafia Wars?" Lisa mused.
"Wait a minute, those are Mafia guys!?" James shrilled, terrified.
"Oh, don't worry my Jamesy-Wamesy, I'll protect you!" Amanda lunged at him, wrapping him in a ghostly hug.
"Aaaack! Get off me you-oh crud, look out!" Several more Mafia members had arrived at the scene, each pushing a large egg.
"Hey, I thought we told you twerps to keep off our terf!" One in a blue suit jeered.
"Yeah, well this is no-man's-land, as far as terf goes, so get yer useless cans outta here." One in a brown suit sniped back.
"Guys, lets show those punks who they're messin' with." Blue-Suit hissed to his companions.
"Oh, not this..." Muttered Lisa.
"What? What're they going to do?" James asked.
"Nothing good, trust me." Each Mafia member began to rub his egg enthusiastically, encouraging it to hatch. Blue-Suit's exploded, revealing a Buffalo. His companions' burst a few seconds later, revealing a moose, a hawk, a puppy, and an elephant. Brown-Suit's egg exploded after this. It contained a giraffe. His companions' eggs contained a mouse, a python, a unicorn, and something that looked like a gelatinous blob.
"Egg creatures: attack!" Brown-Suit bellowed, just as Blue-Suit called
"Attack, my egg creatures!" The opposing hatchlings lunged after each other, James, Amanda, and Lisa caught between them.
"Aack! This-is-horrible!" James exclaimed, trying to escape the fighting creatures.
"I think it's romantic!" Amanda cooed, hugging James again.
"What the heck is romantic about almost getting squashed?"
"That we'll be squashed together forever..." Amanda sighed.
"You are such a weirdo." Lisa said, shaking her head.
"Ooooh! I leveled up!" Brown-Suit declared. "The Boss'll be real proud of me!"
"Yeah, well I just leveled up TWICE!" Blue-Suit jeered. After this, the fighting increased in ferocity, though, oddly enough, nothing seemed to be getting injured. Brown-Suit's team of animals was about to defeat Blue-Suits when an enormous plant dropped from the sky, entangling everyone but James, Lisa, and Amanda.
"RUN!!" James squawked, bolting away from the enraged Mafia members. Amanda wisped after him, attempting to hug him as they fled. Lisa floated along behind, making faces at Amanda.
It was not easy trying to navigate through Yoville, and all the Dragon/Mafia Wars scenes and people, and the Pirates, Speed-racing, Vampires etc. 
In addition, they had to dodge many flying cyber gifts as people on Myspace and Facebook were sending them to one another. 
After a while of running, James stopped and looked back nervously. "What on Earth can this place come up with next?" He asked hopelessly.
"Ow!" Amanda shouted as she was hit in the head with a flying heart. 
Lisa was nailed in the chest by another one. "Ouch - dang blast it!" 
Aw crap!" James shouted as a box of candy heart mowed him down on its way to its destination. 
Drat!" Lisa fumed, "I'll never catch one of those things and I've been trying for ages!"
A cherry heart landed right on Amanda's head. "Yuck! Enough with the hearts already!" she shouted. 
James cussed as he tripped headlong into some huggles. 
"Yikes! Watch out for the flying drinks!" Lisa yelled as a green beer and a chocolate martini collided, passing through her on their way. 
Strangely enough, the drinks didn't spill as they zipped by.
James had just untangled himself from the huggles, narrowly managing to miss getting whooshed along with them to their recipient. But then, a purse, or handbag, if you will, came flying toward him. 
It settled momentarily right in the position where it should be, making it appear as if he was carrying a purse.
Amanda laughed. "Jamesy, you look so funny!"
"Oh, shut up!"
"Oh, did I upset you again Jamesy? Let me hug it all better - "
"NO! Get away! I've had more than enough huggles for one day!"
SPLOTCH! Something called a "Squishee" landed on both James and Amanda's shoulders as the ghost approached her potential but very reluctant boyfriend. 
Lisa was ahead of them by now, trying to fend off a pair of flip-flops, 
a popsicle, 
and a laptop. 
All the while, she kept trying and failing to catch boxes of candy, cake slices, and cupcakes. 
ARGH!" she screamed, frustrated, and batted away a "squeaky" as it went sailing by. 
Just then, a box of chocolates shuttled into view, right in front of her. She made a desperate snatch and got it! "YES!" 
Suddenly, everything came to a standstill.
"Hey, what's going on?" Lisa asked.
A booming voice from nowhere was heard
"ERROR! SERVER DOWN FOR MAINTENANCE. PLEASE TRY AGAIN LATER."
Lisa groaned. "Figured that was too easy. I hope I can hang onto this when things start moving again."
Gimme that!" Amanda made a grab for the box. "I want to give it to my Jamesy!"
"I don't want any, and stop calling me Jamesy!" came the angry reply. "Jamesy, you're really starting to hurt my feelings!" Amanda sniffled.
"Grab your own if you can when things start forwarding again," said Lisa, "I'm starving to death, and this is mine! Well, the first few anyway, I thought we could just share the whole thing and stop fighting for once, Amanda."
"So who's fighting?" Amanda retorted.
"Hooh, boy, you have to ask?" James snickered. "Okay, let's share it."
I thought you said you didn't want - "
"Amanda, sto it already." James cut her off.
Both ghosts tore into the box of chocolates like a couple of desperately starving hyenas. James just looked on, not quite believing what he was seeing.
"Ahhhhhh..." Lisa sighed contentedly after eating a few chocolates. Amanda just kept horking them down.
It was some time before the mad rush of flying forwarded objects started, but by that time, the chocolates were eaten, and everyone felt considerably better.
James suggested they all duck into a mall to try getting out of the torrent of cyber-gifts whizzing around, so that was what they did.
Things may have been slightly less hectic without all the zipping gifts, but they were no less weird.
On the front of the store they were entering was written in bold, uppercase lettering: "WALMART SHOPPERS"
Inside the store, milling around in every department, were the oddest assortment of shadows of clashing colors and people that vanished as soon as you looked right at them, so no one saw them clearly. Each shadow seemed to have a dog, dressed up to the nines, looking absolutely ridiculous. But the dogs were solid figures and did not vanish. It was they who were making all the snied comments about their owners.
"Are those ankle weights, half-socks or sweatbands? Does she think that if things are kind of the same color they can go together? Are see-through shorts only appropriate with shiny blue hats?" 
"Early cloning method failures." 
"I don't think your hamburger helper is the only thing you need!" 
"Somebody come here and pick up my jaw, I can't seem to find it now that my eyes popped out of my head." 
"How did this guy find my Osh Kosh B'gosh overalls from when I was 4?" 
"HE's BACK! When you start to accent the undies with a flannel vest . . how could you not be legendary?" 
"Waldo is so much easier to find when he's out of the closet." 
"I challenge you to find pants to match fuzzy pink flip flops and green nail polish, then have someone take your picture and send it to us." 
"You have no idea what this guy had to go through in the frozen food section to get that ice cream. All I'm saying is that Titan may or may not have hit him with a tennis ball from the air cannon." 
"Work it, Nana." 
"It's simple: We, uh, killed Batman." 
"If you asked a 7 year old to dress himself, he would probably come out looking something like this…probably better actually." 
"We get it. You were in a Paula Abdul video 20 years ago, awesome! Now please change." 
"Well, lets all be thankful that at least half is covered." 
"Save the money, I highly doubt that its going to help you anyway." 
"Talk about a bad hair day!" 
"Where is the cereal aisle?" 
"Oh, you want to take my son for a ride in your van? Ya sure, I don't see a problem with that." 
"I think she has already signed up for season 4 of Rock of Love." 
"It literally looks as if there is a large rat laying on his head." 
"It's like those shorts are managing to cover nothing and everything at the same time." 
"I would bet that Granny is packin' heat." 
"Well, that last dog looks halfway decent," said Lisa, "Talk about the worst of Photoshop!"
"Oh, now I remember where I've seen this before, Kim sent me a chain letter about Walmart shoppers that looked like this." said James. "I don't remember all those dogs, though. Just these weirdly dressed people - and I don't see them here."
"That's because the dogs come from another forward." Lisa informed him. "But things have a way of mixing and mingling when you enter and become a citizen of the land of fictional chain letter people."
Then, where are all those Walmart people?" asked James. "All I saw was dogs making wisecracks, about people dressed weird, but I couldn't see the people they're talking about.
So they really aren't from Walmart?" Amanda asked. "I wondered why I didn't see a big Walmart sign when we came in here."
"The dogs may not be, but the people are." Lisa replied with a frown. "That's why you don't see these people here. They are real and do not live here. Their pictures were taken in your world by people who skulk around Walmarts everywhere, spying and taking pictures of real people without their permission, all for the PeopleOfWalmart.com site. They are the ones behind those ignorant forwards which are then circulated by and for people who love to make fun of Walmart to make themselves feel better than anyone else they think is beneath them for shopping there." said Lisa, whose expression was disgusted by now.
"That's the last time I shop at Walmart, even for school stuff. I don't want anybody snapping my picture and putting it up there." James said.
They were almost past that contingent of well-dressed dogs, when the last dog wearing nothing but her black birthday suit, took a second look at James, and her eyes went wide. "Did you see my ad!?" she asked him.
"What ad?"
"The one in the paper about me! Black young svelt girl looking for male companion! You're the cutest guy and my name is Daisy SBF! I would love to go on camping, fishing and hunting trips with you, take long walks, sit by the fire and cozy up with you!"
"Oh, dear, it looks like you have competition at last, Amanda," Lisa said with a bemused grin.
Daisy SBF ambled right up to James and took his hand in her mouth to give it a long, loud, big doggy slurp.
"ACK!" James yelled. "I don't date dogs!"
Yeah, so back off, bitch!" Amanda glared at the dog. "He's mine!"
"I don't date ghosts either!" James shouted.
Before he could get in another word, Daisy the Dog suddenly stood up on her hind legs, eyes gleaming as she looked right at amanda. "Thank you!" she exulted.
Huh?" Amanda stared at her.
It's sarcasm." Lisa gave Amanda an annoyed glance. "Not much upstairs with that ghost." she added under her ghost breath.
Not at all, my friends!" Daisy continued. "This young lady just paid me the highest compliment! She called me a bitch! Do you know what that means?" the dog said with the conviction of a politician trying to win an election.
Yeah, which is why we don't consider it a compliment." Lisa said.
Oh, but it is!" Daisy carried on, the way only an excited dog can. "You see, when I stand up for myself, they call me a bitch!" And here, she began reciting from memory the Bitchology chain letter.
"This is a nightmare! LEMME OUTA HERE!" James Ronald shrilled, and began pushing and shoving his way through the crowded store to get to an exit as fast as he could. The others were not far behind.
Thankfully, Daisy didn't follow them, and only continued droning on. She was apparently too wrapped up in her speech and promoting her self-image to notice she had lost her audience and her date.
On the way out of the shop, James let out a howl as a flaming heart landed in his face. 
Yeeeouch." said Lisa sympathetically. "But you said in your chain letter that your eyes were burned and your face was bloody.
"I didn't mean it, I just wanted to freak everybody out to get them passing it on!" James protested. Some aloe vera zapped into view, and Amanda caught it. "Here, Jamesy, let me make it all better!" 
Do you even know how to apply this stuff?" James asked doubtfully."
Well I'm not stupid!" Amanda retorted.
As if on cue, what should land directly on both James and Amanda but two more gifts, just as another outage was announced. These gifts both had the words "I'm with stupid." 
Lisa doubled over laughing.
When things started up again, A mirror and some cotton candy settled on James's shoulder. 
"Oh, Jamesy, that's so romantic, I wish I had thought of getting you cotton candy." Amanda cooed.
"I don't think it's meant for me," said James, "Server crash, remember?"
Sure enough, there was another hault and things were once again suspended in mid air where they were the moment the server crashed.
Could it be because too many people are overloading the net with forwarding all this stuff?" Amanda mused.
"Now you're catching on." Lisa smiled.
"Shut up, I was talking to Jamesy!" Amanda shot a dirty glare back at Lisa.
"Well excuse me!" Lisa rolled her ghostly eyes in turn.
"Ghosts." James muttered, and looked in the mirror to see how badly he was burned by that flaming heart.
Amanda fell to chowing down the cotton candy.
The servers started up again, and this time, Lisa urgently yanked her companions out of the way of a rocketing campfire and sparklers. 
"Whew, that was close." James said. "Thanks Lisa."
"You're welcome"
"What, you're not gonna thank me for anything, Jamesy?" Amanda whined.
I'll thank you to go away." James said. Just then, the mirror vibrated in his hand, causing him to startle and take a closer look.
In the mirror was a horrible reflection of himself, but only for a moment. His face looked burned and bloody, but it soon disappeared. Replacing it was writing. His own chain letter, and comments ripping it to shreds.
"So, you think your name has some sort of magical power, think again, James Ronald. Because nothing will happen to me for not forwarding your stupid chain letter. I can get out of it, but you can't get out of my way."
"What the!? Who's writing this stuff!" James exclaimed.
The writing continued. "Oh, brother, as if some spammy chain letter written in plain text on some Facebook quiz can actually burn you to death. James, were you never told not to kiss a hot stove?"
Hey! Stop it! this mirror is making me look like an idiot!"
"So you claim you want people to know what it feels like to have their face burned off, how humanitarian and noble of you! Stupid sicko. I'd show you a few things about pain if I could get my hands on you who originated this thing, whoever you are."
"What? How is this mirror - look, it's threatening me!" James started panicking.
Lemme see!" Amanda said, trying to grab and pull the mirror closer to herself to get a better look. "Whoa, you're right! Who is this?"
"So James, you claimed to have killed four people, who might they be? The rest of your dealive pals Jane and Jenna, Summer and Richard and all the other noseless, earless mutants who say they'll kill you in your sleep? Not that it matters. It's a confession and I'll have you locked up for life, or *snicker* the rest of your de-life if you will."
"What is going on!?" James stammered.
"And as if you can make anything good or bad happen based on who reposts your badly-written bulltosh chain letter. James Ronald, you have really screwed yourself over. You are an annoyance, a pathetic joke, and you get to be laughed at publically. I'll make sure of that."
Lisa glanced in the mirror and saw something else that James and Amanda apparently couldn't. A computer keyboard and monitor, and a shadowy figure typing something. Lisa seemed to recognize the danger, and she grabbed James's arm. "I'd ditch that mirror if I was you," she said urgently.
"What - I don't understand? What's wrong with it?"
It doesn't like you." said Amanda.
"It's not just the mirror. You have a debunker after you." said Lisa quietly. "And this one is particularly savage. She is a mangler and she would completely destroy us all and stop all re-sharing if she could, and now she has found you."
But I just wanted to freak everyone out and make them pass on my post! I just wanted to control and laugh at all the fools on the net!" James protested.
"That's why she doesn't like you." said Lisa.
"And this entity wants me destroyed!?" James squeaked.
"I won't let her, Jamesy! Just wait until she sees me!" said Amanda, bearing her teeth.
No, Amanda, there's nothing you can do against her. There's nothing any of us can do. She's real, we're all fictional ghosts or as she calls us, 'dealive'.
I'm a ghost?" No way!" James protested.
You are," Lisa said. Your chain letter says so."
But it isn't real!" James protested.
Neither are you, neither are we." said Lisa.
"But my love for you is real!" said Amanda.
In full panic now, James threw the mirror and ran, continuing to muddle his way through social networks, running away from the debunker, and from the ghost who loved him. He would never regret anything quite so much as perpetuating or at the very least, inspiring some low-life to start a chain letter about himself.
Back at Jill's house, three in the morning, Jill and Kim were in the middle of their slumber party.
Yuck! That's the last time I pass on a forward, at least for a while." said Jill. "That James Ronald sure turned out to be some freak."
"Yeah, thank goodness he and those weird ghosts don't really exist. Ugh." Kim replied, making a face.
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