Aaaaaagh! Another Facebook viral - another one being about "What one gender should do for the other" blog entry, this one from a Tara He'dman, psychologist who specializes in women's issues, (Femanism?) so this post isn't so much about how parents in general, should treat their kids in general, but how daddies should treat their little girls who are apparently so weak by default that their very attitudes and personalities are so utterly moulded by everything their daddies say and do. Gah! This reminds me so much of the Kimberly Hall "For Your Information" post that told girls not to dress slutty and tempt the little boys, the faux Brad Pitt love-slave viral, and the "I'm Beautiful",, oh heck, the whinging 257 Things A Girl Wished A Guy Knew chain letters, because according to all this psycho-babble and horrid stereotypes continually being promoted - boys are naturally sex-addicts and girls don't have personalities until they are moulded by men. *Scowl* Regardless of the various comments of praise this post got by various people who were hurt by their daddies in some way, this is just full of it. The statements which are generally correct should apply to parents and children of both genders, not just daddies and daughters. Other points are just wrong because they are sweeping statements which do not apply to every girl in the world, and are wrong because they fail to address that both fathers and mothers can do a bang-up terrible job at raising kids, and that it sure as heck doesn't just revolve around saying "I'm beautiful/you're beautiful" not enough times in any given day - and those kids can end up with serious emotional issues whether they are females or males.
Also, sorry about the shouty title. That is how it was actually presented.
🙎WHAT LITTLE GIRLS WISH DADDIES KNEW
December 14, 2013 by taralee73
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: When I was a little girl, there was nothing I wished my dad (I never did go in for this 'daddy' thing) knew. I never had some great big wish that any one of my family members should know about me, because I love them all equally and always have!
🙎Tara Hedman: Four men in flannel (I missed the flannel memo) and I sit around smelling tires and inhaling exhaust fumes while an enchanting little fairy is in constant motion around her daddy.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Am I supposed to be under the impression this "fairy" is actually some little toddler/pre-schooler, or do you actually believe in preppy fairies that go around yelling "Daddy!"? I actually didn't try to be a fairy until adulthood on Halloween. So you're not moving me with this annoying image you're trying to plant perhaps semi-subliminally into my head.
🙎Tara Hedman: She climbs on him, giggles, turns around, and then she’s back to twirling on the tile.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Yep, sounds like any small child just being a small child to me.
🙎Tara Hedman: She’s bouncing and spinning around in her pink frilly skirt. Her black cable knit tights are sagging around her tiny knees, and her puffy coat makes her arms stand out further than is natural. To top off the ensemble is a shiny crystal tiara. It’s been tacked down to her head with what appears to be about 60 haphazard bobby pins.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: So is this like Halloween or does this kid go around wearing a tiara daily?
You know, when I was a kid, I hated getting dressed up. I didn't care about looking pretty I was too busy playing and being a kid. You couldn't get away with just anything in dress clothes, and you especially had to watch it when you were in a skirt or dress. Dressing up with for special occasions, not for everyday living, and that was a good thing.And I never liked having things on my head unless I had to walk to school in 20 below weather. There are obviously other little kids who don't mind, and actually love that kind of stuff. But whatever.
🙎Tara Hedman: She’s probably four years old. So little, so vulnerable. She doesn’t seem concerned about it as she sings about teapots and ladybugs in her black Mary Janes.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah, so? Why should she be concerned? She's just a kid, being a kid. There are lots of them out there.
🙎Tara Hedman: I feel myself tear up as I watch her.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Unless you're experiencing a super sentimental moment remembering your own happy childhood, please, dry up. It's not something to go to pieces over, for goodness sake.
🙎Tara Hedman: I tear up as I watch him watch her. She could not possibly know at four what impact this man, his character, or his words will have on her for years to come.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Pssh* I got news for you. At four, little kids of both genders have no idea what environmental good and bad experiences are coming and how they'll be effected by them, and this includes especially what good or mean things their peers, their teachers, and the media tells them, with all those voices including both genders! And yes, it is largely the media's fault for telling boys to "man up" and girls to "be beautiful". And that doesn't happen with little kids, that message shows up later on in various roles, and especially prevailing liberal propaganda saturating the mainstream media from slanted news to bad comedy.
🙎Tara Hedman: And, maybe he doesn’t know either.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Of course he doesn't. No one does. No one can really see into the future, and IMO that's a good thing.
🙎Tara Hedman: So, to all the daddies with little girls who aren’t old enough yet to ask for what they need from you,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: No, don't just apply that to daddies and daughters, but to all parents and all children, because mothers and sons count for just as much!
🙎Tara Hedman: here is what we wish you knew:
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: No, little girls wish for things like ponies and puppies and dolls that look cute or do cool stuff, and movies and books.
This isn't the wishes of a little girl. This is advice that needs to be applied to all parents and children, not just 50% of them based on gender!
🙎Tara Hedman: 1. How you love me is how I will love myself.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: You know, that doesn't just mean daddies and daughters. It means every little kid and every other person and media message they are subjected to when growing up. All kinds of things influence the way little kids learn to think of themselves. And - there are some kids who actually never learn to give a dang what the world thinks of them. Sometimes that's a very good thing, sometimes it isn't. It all depends on the kind of person s/he becomes when growing up.
🙎Tara Hedman: 2. Ask how I am feeling and listen to my answer, I need to know you value me before I can understand my true value.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Again, applies right across the board, not just daddies and little girls… These first two are actually valid, but the problem is when somebody turns them into a big gender issue to tell men only to worry about this kind of stuff concerning their little girls only…
🙎Tara Hedman: 3. I learn how I should be treated by how you treat my mom, whether you are married to her or not.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: No, WRONG WRONG WRONG!
Please, little kids are definitely influenced by the relationships among all family members, but for goodness sakes, a little girl isn't going to grow up totally as a carbon copy of either parent. she's not going to expect to be catered to like a queen just because her daddy did that to her mom, she's not going to be fine with spousal abuse because her daddy hit her mommy or the other way around. Some will, but definitely not all! Same goes for little boys. That's why you can get loving homes where one kid still does nothing but get in trouble when s/he grows up and seems to live for sticking it to their parents at every turn. and, you can get homes with bad stuff going on but still have a kid grow up to be a very nice person to others around them…
🙎Tara Hedman: 4. If you are angry with me, I feel it even if I don’t understand it, so talk to me.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Hel-lo!? Works the same way with dads and sons, mothers and daughters, and mothers and sons too!
🙎Tara Hedman: 5. Every time you show grace to me or someone else, I learn to trust God a little more.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Again, applies to kids and parents of both genders equally!
🙎Tara Hedman: 6. I need to experience your nurturing physical strength, so I learn to trust the physicality of men.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Hardly! Some people are touchy-feely, others are not. Goes for both genders. It's not important that you feel physical love from somebody just because you're a girl and he's a man. It simply matters that little kids are loved by somebody…
🙎Tara Hedman: 7. Please don’t talk about sex like a teenage boy, or I think it’s something dirty.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Bleck, sex should always be talked about when educating kids, from both genders, in an intelligent, classy way. And there are just as many girls out there who love dirty jokes as much as some men. But that has nothing to do with their daddies necessarily. Maybe they are just part of a family that likes bathroom humour…
🙎Tara Hedman: 8. When your tone is gentle, I understand what you are saying much better.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Uh hello? applies to parents and kids of both genders right across the board.
🙎Tara Hedman: 9. How you talk about female bodies when you’re ‘just joking’ is what I believe about my own.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Bull crap! Thank goodness my dad doesn't do this because that wouldn't change my opinion about myself. It would only make me lose respect for him…
🙎Tara Hedman: 10. How you handle my heart, is how I will allow it to be handled by others.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Doesn't just apply to daddies and daughters. It's about living in a world with fellow human beings. You can get your heart broken by some backstabber who isn't your parent and that can make you become guarded. And you don't have to be a girl or have your heart broken by a guy. it can be the other way around.
🙎Tara Hedman: 11. If you encourage me to find what brings joy, I will always seek it.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Applies to what all parents should encourage in every child regardless of freaking gender.
🙎Tara Hedman: 12. If you teach me what safe feels like when I’m with you, I will know better how to guard myself from men who are not.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Again, all parents should help all children with that. Bad men don't just attack little girls, and not all bad and violent unsafe people are men, either! Remember Susan Smith? You might want to look up Theresa Knorr, too. And who could forget Mary Tudor and Queen Elizabeth I?
🙎Tara Hedman: 13. Teach me a love of art, science, and nature, and I will learn that intellect matters more than dress size.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Same for both genders. everybody needs to learn not to be shallow and appearance-obsessed.
🙎Tara Hedman: 14. Let me say exactly what I want even if it’s wrong or silly, because I need to know having a strong voice is acceptable to you.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: All kids need to learn that having a strong voice is good. But they also need to learn when it's appropriate to use it, and how to use it wisely and not abuse it…
🙎Tara Hedman: 15. When I get older, if you seem afraid of my changing body, I will believe something is wrong with it.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: WRONG! Look this isn't being afraid. It's called showing a proper respect and keeping one's distance. A daddy can change a baby girl's diaper, even give her a bath when she's a little older, but soon that goes out the window as it should, ditto for mommies and sons. Nothing at all the matter with keeping a respectable distance when children of the opposite gender get older. that's why there's mens and women's restrooms and why generally children of the opposite gender stop going into the same public washroom with their opposite-gendered parent at school age.
🙎Tara Hedman: 16. If you understand contentment for yourself, so will I.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Unless the kid has some kind of disorder that makes them anxious or prone to fly off the handle at everything - but really, this advice also applies to all parents and all kids of both genders…
🙎Tara Hedman: 17. When I ask you to let go, please remain available; I will always come back and need you if you do.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Not necessarily. True, this works for normal kids and normal parents of both genders, but what if you end up with a kid who literally hates you just because s/he thinks it's a cool thing to do and is in some constant power struggle with the whole world, parents included? If that kid turns out to be nothing but a user and social vampire who just chews you up and spits you out every time, then it's a good idea to let go and not be there when s/he comes running back to use you all over again. and you don't have to be a bad parent to end up with a parasitic kid like that. some people just are that way no matter what good others try doing in their lives.
🙎Tara Hedman: 18. If you demonstrate tenderness, I learn to embrace my own vulnerability rather than fear it.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: again, this applies so much to parents and children of both genders! Not just daddies and daughters.
🙎Tara Hedman: 19. When you let me help fix the car and paint the house, I will believe I can do anything a boy can do.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, for gosh sake, dry up! Nobody ever said you couldn't do any of those things because you're a girl! Maybe, just maybe it's because you were a child, not old enough, with enough of what it actually takes to fix a car or paint the house, that you weren't allowed to help out. Think about it. Little Davie, same age as you wouldn't be allowed to help out with those things either. So scrap the "Waaaaah, you won't lemme 'cuz I'm a girl!" "Waaaah! I guess I can't do dat 'cuz Daddy wouldn't lemme cuz I'm a girl!" whinge!
🙎Tara Hedman: 20. When you protect my femininity, I learn everything about me is worthy of protecting.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Aaaaaagh! Look, just because we're girls does NOT mean we need to be "protected" especially always by men from men! So let's leave it at parents should protect their kids when needed, but not overdo it, and certainly not base any of it on gender. Gah I'm so fed up with this "Women need protection" kruft! as if we're all these little flowers of femininity which somehow translates to little fragile can-do-nothings that can't manage anything on our own!
🙎Tara Hedman: 21. How you treat our dog when you think I’m not watching tells me more about you than does just about anything else.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Well, that pretty much applies to any of our stuff. You mishandle my property in a contemptible way, you can be sure I'll be pretty mad at you. And yes this goes across the board again. Don't mishandle the next person's stuff, pets, toys, you name it. And BTW, my dad is not a pet lover. I'm fine with that. It's how he is. But he also knows I am. He's just not one for pets in the house, but he seems to enjoy wildlife, and likes to show it to me when there's an opportunity.
🙎Tara Hedman: 22. Don’t let money be everything, or I learn not to respect it or you.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Goes for both genders.
🙎Tara Hedman: 23. Hug, hold, and kiss me in all the ways a daddy does that are right and good and pure. I need it so much to understand healthy touch.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: I never needed much touching and my Dad is not a really touchy huggy person. I'm fine with that. a hug goodnight or goodbye once in a while is fine. Sure I used to sit on the laps of my parents and huggle them when I was a small child, but I've long since outgrown that.
🙎Tara Hedman: 24. Please don’t lie, because I believe what you say.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Good advice for both parents concerning all their children regardless of gender.
🙎Tara Hedman: 25. Don’t avoid hard conversations, because it makes me believe I’m not worth fighting for.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: What's one got to do with the other? There have been many hard conversations between me and parents about homework when I was in school, but my parents weren't "fighting for me" they were fighting with me. And believe it or not, girls don't need to be "fought for" and at least some of us don't want to be… Support is definitely a good thing regardless of gender again, there are times when it's right to step in on behalf of someone who can't fight back when some bully is on the warpath against them. But what i'm saying is that hard conversations and a show of support "fighting for" doesn't and shouldn't just revolve around little girls, but any child…
🙎Tara Hedman: It’s pretty simple, really.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah. if you have kids, be the best parents you can… Simple to say. hard to do.
🙎Tara Hedman: Little girls
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: And little boys, in fact, all little children…
🙎Tara Hedman: just love their daddies.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: and mommies - when those parents love them and the kids aren't naturally somehow evil…
This whole little girls and daddies thing is so gender-focused that it misses 75% of the family makeup when there are two parents and siblings to consider…
And, there are single moms and single dads too. what of that single dad with a son, or a single mom with a daughter? This whole thing completely forgets about them.
🙎Tara Hedman: They each think their daddy hung the moon.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: No, they don't. I never thought either of my parents created sun, moon, or sky. I learned early on that was God's doing.
🙎Tara Hedman: Once in a while when you look at your little gal twirling in her frilly skirt,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes* Just remind her that skirt isn't play clothes and to be careful not to jump in mud puddles wearing it…
🙎Tara Hedman: remember she’ll be grown one day.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: no duh!
🙎Tara Hedman: What do you want her to know about men, life, herself, love?
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: the same things I'd want any kid of mine knowing, if I had any kids… And again, regardless of gender…
🙎Tara Hedman: What you do and say now matters for a lifetime.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: No crap, duh!
🙎Tara Hedman: Daddies,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: and mommies
🙎Tara Hedman: never underestimate the impact of your words or deeds on your daughters,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: and sons. Never underestimate your influence on your kids, gender notwithstanding!
🙎Tara Hedman: no matter their age.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: and no matter what their blasted gender!
Over and out!
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