I'm not usually sad after a meme-mangle, but there's always a first time. I got through the tips all right, it was the extras that did me in.
Want to see just how badly it can go when you replicate horrid attempts at humor?
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From: a forwarder
Subject: Ten Great Tips of 20xx…Plus some extra's..ENJOY! LAUGH!
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: And next year, and the next and the next, and on and on and on…
This meme is already archived on the fwditon site here and here.
🗣Meme: TenGreat Tips For 20xx
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Well, let's see how great they really are.
🗣Meme: Plus some extra's
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Extras as in, urges to pass it on?
🗣Meme: 1. Stay out of trouble.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: I try to, but trouble always finds me when it comes in the form of annoyance at memes!
🗣Meme: 2. Aim for greater heights.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: There's nothing wrong with my height and I'm not gonna start growing now.
🗣Meme: 3. Stay focused on your job.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Like the one right before me, mangling this thing to pieces? Sure, no problem! Oh, and I don't need chain letters telling me to stay focused on my real job either.
🗣Meme: 4. Exercise to maintain good health.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: I'll exercise when I feel like it and am in good health, so don't need some meme telling me to.
🗣Meme: 5. Practice team work.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Where am I gonna get a team? Besides, that only works offline. Online is a whole different story, IMO.
🗣Meme: 6. Rely on your trusted partner to watch your back..Take your timetrusting others.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: What partner? Uh, I don't need chain letters of all things, telling me about trust!
🗣Meme: 7. Save for rainy days.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Save what? Why? I'll save my energy for sunny days and mellow out on rainy days.
🗣Meme: 8. Rest and relax.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: I will, once I'm done with this mangle.
🗣Meme: 9. Always take time to smile.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: How much time does it take to smile? I never actually thought smiling required time, like, you see, it just sorta like happens, yknow! DUH!
🗣Meme: AND
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes*
🗣Meme: 10. Realize that nothing is impossible.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Actually, there are some things that are impossible. For instance, you attempting to somehow impress me into re-sharing this chain via email or social network.
🗣Meme: Thisshould make you smile:
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: It doesn't.
🗣Meme: SERENITY
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Which I'll have back once I've done mangling this meme.
🗣Meme: Justbefore the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderlywidow and asked, 'Howold was your husband?'
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: And this is supposed to make me smile?
🗣Meme: '98,'she replied, 'Two years older than me' 'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Is there supposed to be a plot in here somewhere?
🗣Meme: She responded , 'Hardly worth going home, isit?
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Well that's a bit of a downer, I'm still not smiling.
🗣Meme: Reporterinterviewing a 104-year-old woman:
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Which reporter? Which station or paper? Which woman? Oh that's right, it's probably not a real account.
🗣Meme: 'Andwhat do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporterasked. She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Bzzzzzt!* What a cheery thought...Not! Still no smile.
🗣Meme: Thenice thing about being senile is You can hide your own Eastereggs.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Frowning sternly* I'm not finding this funny at all!
🗣Meme: I'vesure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hipreplacement, New knees, fought prostate cancer anddiabetes I'm half blind, Can't hear anything quieter thana jet engine, Take 40 different medications that Make medizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia.. Have poor circulation; Hardly feel my hands and feetanymore. Can't remember if I'm 89 or 98.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Gritting teeth and trying to come up with something* No, you're 98, you're the dead guy and your wife is 96.And you think wangsting about all your ills is gonna make me smile? Dude, you are one sorry...
🗣Meme: Have lost all myfriends.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Uh, I can't possibly imagine why! Oh, wait, you meant the big LOST, not the kind of lost that chain letters cause, oh... *Rolls eyes* This isn't going well.
🗣Meme: But, thank God, I still have my driver'slicense.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: So you're blind and deaf and you can't move and you're dead but you still - oh, wait a minute, just because you've got a driver's license doesn't really mean you can actually drive! You didn't say you 'renewed' your license, so you probably have an old one that expired long ago.
🗣Meme: Ifeel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Clenching jaw* Cry me a river...
🗣Meme: SoI got my doctor's permission to Join a fitness club and startexercising.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: And I should give a darn because?
🗣Meme: I decided to take an aerobics class forseniors.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: But you can't move, yeah, makes total sense...
🗣Meme: I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, andperspired for an hour. But,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: But you didn't really move.
🗣Meme: By the time I got my leotards on, Theclass was over.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Just what I said, basically. Still no hint of a smile. *Lips tightening*
🗣Meme: Mymemory's not as sharp as it used to be.. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Starting to lose it* And you are getting on my nerves. Oh, and you are GETTING ON MY NERVES!
🗣Meme: Knowhow to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fillout.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: No how to cheer me up? Didn't think so.!
🗣Meme: It'sscary when you start making the same noises As your coffeemaker..
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: It's called snoring, doofus!
🗣Meme: Thesedays about half the stuff In my shopping cart says, ' Forfast relief.'
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *biting bottom lip* So give me some fast relief and shut up!
🗣Meme: THESENILITY PRAYER : Grantme the senility to forget the people I never likedanyway,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Gah! Not with the mock prayers again! ARGHHH! How about appreciating a sound mind instead? And I know of somebody who actually said someone was lucky after their stroke because the only thing it effected was their brain. What the blasted - GAH, that is sick! Sick, sick, sick!
🗣Meme: The good fortune to run into the ones I do,and The eyesight to tell the difference.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Dude, there are other ways of telling one person from another besides seeing them. Anyway, you're already blind and deaf and dead so it's too late.
🗣Meme: Now,I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others. Oh heck,give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who theyare!
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *regains composure somewhat* I was right about that being one of the "extras" Well, one thing I'm sure of, you are not my friend, and I'm not spamming 5 or 6 or 10 or a bunch of my friends with this depressing excuse for humor!
🗣Meme: AlwaysRemember This: Youdon't stop laughing because you grow old,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: No, you stop laughing when things aren't funny. (HINT)
🗣Meme: Yougrow old because you stop laughing!!!
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Wrong! You grow old because you grow old. And this dreadfully written chain letter sure as heck didn't make me laugh! Gee, thanks for making me depressed! I'm off to have a good cry now! *Tear-roll* Usually I feel better after a good mangle, but this one really shot my nerves. It isn't funny! It just isn't! *Sniffles and tears falling on keyboard* Well, that's trouble... thanks for putting me in a serious funk… Over and out.
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