Hey there, everyone, Ocean Elf here.
So, who, besides maybe the Grinch, Ebenezer Scrooge before seeing the error of his ways, and otherwise unhappy people, dislike Christmas songs?
Interesting subject, really. Because you can even like a song, but not care for a certain arrangement of it.
But are there Christmas or holiday songs that people, even elves like me, really dislike, no matter what the arrangement?
Yes, there are.
Q: "What? You're an elf and you dislike Christmas music?"
A: Yes, and some... - If it can actually be called Christmas music, that is...
So... Curious yet?
Well then, let's get into it!
There are a lot I agree with on this site, and there is at least one more song which really irritates me the site did not mention. A song I put at the head of the stench pile.
But for now, let's go through some songs and see which I agree or disagree with the site on how they stack up for horrible.
Starting with the ones they dislike that I like.
Cliff Richard's "Millennium Prayer"
Hey! I utterly disagree with this site on Cliff Richard's "Millennium Prayer". Sure, it gets a bit overdone toward the end. But it's the Lord's Prayer set to Auld Lang Syne. IMO, brilliant. So the prayer doesn't rhyme. Who cares? It does fit the tune. I listened. As a musician, I think I can judge that for myself. I think it fits just fine. He managed it somehow.
I like "It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas". Always have.
Hmm, I like "At This Time Of Year" by Craig Phillips. But then, it was not overplayed around me. I'm not even sure I ever heard of it before checking out this site. There is no mockery nor guilt-tripping/depressing attempts going on in this one. And that's more than can be said for the so-called *cough* "Christmas" songs I don't like.
As for Santa Claus Is Coming To Town: I do love the tune. But my sentiments agree with those expressed about the lyrics from this site:
"This is creepy. Seriously. The Santa in this record isn't the jolly old elf who's a friend to boys and girls everywhere - he's dark, sinister and omnipresent, he's watching your every move and HE WILL PUNISH YOU IF YOU MISBEHAVE."
Yes, this song played a big part in my belief in Santa as a child, especially when anyone would sing it when I wasn't getting along with them. Argh, how I hated when people threw that at me when they wanted me to keep quiet or stop what I was doing. It only happened once or twice, but that was enough...
However, as an adult elf, I'm free from such things suggested in the lyrics and if I want to cry or blow my top, I will. Don't like it? Too bad.
I can hardly help myself just humming or singing the song when it plays. The tune is just that catchy. So, I like it. Can't help myself, okay?
But - there is a certain way some arrangements of it go that just drive me right around the bend now, because I've heard them way too much. Specifically the rock style version that swings it and repeats "Saaaaaaaan-ta Claus is coming to town!" over and over. Enough! I was cool with it the first time hearing it, but man it got annoying fast as it became one of the most common ways to do this song year after year.
The site goes on to say:
"And just in case we were still in any doubt, here's the Justin Bieber version. Oh, go on, you know you want to"
Eww, no thanks! I've heard more than I ever care to of Justin Bieber butchering Christmas songs and singing other supposed "Christmas" songs that are almost mockeries of Christmas with Mariah Carey.
They also mentioned a couple of classics "Jingle Bells" and "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" While they aren't my favourite Christmas songs, I still like them. Just not as much as I love songs like "What Child Is This" or "In The Bleak Midwinter" or "Here Comes Santa Claus" for example. Yes, I know, "Jingle Bells" "Frosty The Snow Man", "Let It Snow", "Sleigh Ride" and "Winter Wonderland" (the last four weren't mentioned( are not specifically Christmas songs. Who cares? They're still cool and fun to sing at Christmas.
Mr. Blobby's "Christmas In Blobbyland" I listened past the narration/dialog, what there was of it at the start, but had to click out of it when the musak style singing got going. I feel a strange sort of pity for Mr. Blobby. But I couldn't put this one on my playlist.
"Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time" - Paul McCartney
*Shudder* Ugh! *Cringe* No. Just, please, no. That music. His voice. It just doesn't sound Christmasy, at all. Picture this normally bold elf now shuddering and trembling. That's what the mere thought of this song does to me. Ooooooh.... Scary! *Shiver*
Slade's "Merry Christmas Everybody" makes me cringe. It's the nails on a chalkboard effect. I tried to listen to it. Ugh. The lyrics. The grating voice. I just couldn't...
Madonna doing "Santa Baby" Ugh... Just no. She sounds like a washed up and totally sozzled New York showgirl who still thinks she's being cute. I mean seriously, that way overdone backstreet New York accent, oh Madonna... Really?
And those are the light-weights of the offenders.
These are overplayed, underwhelming and basically use Christmas as a backdrop for some pretty mundane stuff. Think romcom trying to steal Christmas's thunder, in song form. And when you don't like rom coms in the first place, well...
"Last Christmas" - Wham
Okay, let's do a little number on this one, shall we?
Song: "Last Christmas, I gave you my heart. But the very next day, you gave it away."
Ocean Elf: Oh, boo-hoo... Well, Wham... I don't care about what happened with some romance gone wrong last Christmas. That's ancient history and nothing to do with me or Christmas, really. And what kind of jerk is craphead enough to stand there and let you pour out your heart for him/her on Christmas Day, only to turn right around on Boxing Day and give you the heave-ho? Just seems a bit too contrived.
Song continues with something I can't remember so Yadda yada something else yada yada and then: "Saving it for someone special."
Ocean Elf: Right, he/she's so special you didn't even name him/her. What you did, though, was clearly point out that whoever ditched you last Christmas was not special, and the implication is that he/she probably never really was. Wow, such Christmas spirit! Not. The catchy tune can't save this one, nor does it even sound Christmasy. This song should've been written for Valentine's Day, where romance is front and centre stage.
So, bully for you, Wham Song, I'll leave you to it and carry on with my Christmas.
Final note, I mentioned the tune being catchy. It is so catchy that one of the classes I worked with consisted of little kids around 8/11 years old or so. When they were dismissed, they left, merrily singing this song. And I never even played it. Oh, if they saw my review. I couldn't help laughing.
"I Don't Want A Lot For Christmas" - Justin Bieber and Mariah Carey
Ugh ugh ugh!
To start with, nothing sucks the holiday sound out of a song quicker than their - uh - singing...! I'm not a fan of theirs normally, so really don't want more of them at Christmas.
With their squalling voices and annoying throbbing blaring backing track, their song is nothing but a big whine about how all they want for Christmas is their crush/lover/whatever. It dismisses a bunch of Christmas things and ideas which it rattles off. It's clear this song doesn't actually care about or want Christmas itself. They should've made it a Valentine's song instead and had the list being of candy hearts, cheesy rom coms and other things associated with V Day, since romance or unrequited love is actually centre stage here instead of Christmas.
The song ends off with "All I want for Christmas is you."
And when you put that line right next to the opener "I don't want a lot for Christmas" Wow. Way to go, song, you just told your crush/lover that he/she doesn't amount to a lot... Good going. So, you don't want all the Christmasy things, fine, go hide away in your boring little hut or box or whatever and moan about your crush, just stop assaulting my eardrums with it. I don't care about your little soap opera.
"Mud's "Lonely For Christmas" - definitely doesn't sound like it would be a song I'd want to hear. But I'll quote the site's description of it here:
"Les Gray does an Elvis. Unfortunately Les Gray is not Elvis, so this just sounds cloying and stupid. Not to mention miserable."
ROFLOL! "cloying and stupid" I had a pretty rotten day and night, so coming across this description gave me a much-needed laughing fit! Oh, sometimes reading sites like that can be so therapeutic. If I hear that song, any tears I shed are probably going to be from laughter. I just can't keep a straight face every time I think of this now!
And just to add, Elvis's "Blue Christmas" also drives me up the wall.
"So This Is Christmas (War is Over)" AKA "Happy Christmas" - John Lennon
"So this is Christmas and what have you done?" Since that's the first line of the song, and my intro to it was a depressing "Feed the hungry children" TV commercial, I don't take nicely to guilt-tripping at any time of the year, and that goes double for Christmas time. Besides, that Lennonesque motif that ends off so many phrases sounds like Imagine stuck into 6/8 timing, and I hate that song too.
They should've stuck to writing mediocre pop songs.
"Christmas Shoes" - Newsong
Ugh! They took a depressing glurge chain letter plot and turned it into a song and called it Christmas music...
Here's the site's description:
"You remember that old urban legend doing the rounds a few years ago? The one about the grumpy shopper who pays for the shoes so the poor children can give their terminally ill mother one last Christmas present before she dies? Well, they made a song about it. More to the point they made a whole film about it, starring Rob Lowe, of all people. It is, predictably, quite dreadful. Even if you're comfortable with the fact that these kids are out shopping while their mother lies on her death bed, the song is a disaster from overly poignant beginning to saccharine-drenched finish. And it has a cute kid singing the final chorus. Burn it. Burn it now."
All about a boy and his dying mother. Seriously? I don't even like tear-jerking songs when it isn't a holiday, and there's more than enough to feel sad about any time of the year, so whoever came up with this idea seems rather bent on ruining someone else's Christmas. Not cool. I agree, burn it...!
"Do They Know It's Christmas?" - Band Aid
ugh. Another typically patronizing 'for charity' thing. Yes they know it's Christmas even in Africa if they are Christian... Christmas is celebrated all over the world by those of us who believe in it, as well as by some who don't and just want an excuse for a holiday.
Here is the site's description:
"Patronising, pompous and stupid. Rich white men tug at the heart strings by singing about Ethiopian famine, declaring that "There won't be snow in Africa this Christmas time" (yes there will, there's loads on the Atlas Mountains) before enquiring "Do they know it's Christmas time at all?" (probably, seeing as most of them are Christian or Muslim). Yes, it's for a good cause. But do we have to? Really? Can't we just give the money instead?"
No kidding! Nobody wants guilt-trips for Christmas.
I prefer to give to charities anonymously anyway, rather than give large sums and connect my identity to them. Otherwise, they never leave you alone. Also, you have to be sure the charities are on the level, and how does one make sure?
Other songs in the vein of trying to give you a flood of tears for Christmas are songs like Nat King Kole's "The Little Boy That Santa Claus Forgot" and John Denver's "Please Daddy Don't Get Drunk This Christmas" no thanks! Even masters of an art form sometimes churn out monstrocities. If I want that kind of depressing, (and I never do), I'll watch a non-Christmas related show/movie dealing with depressing or troubling subjects.
There's plot/conflict that serve as entertainment value plus help people to process human emotions, and even historical documentaries that are interesting, though sometimes disturbing, but make a person glad to be living today. But then there's this glurge set to music masquerading as Christmas music. The former is fine. The latter is not.
What could be just as bad as, and worse than guilt-tripping/depressing?
All out mockeries.
deliberately snarky/irreverent toward Christmas and its meaning.
At the top of this list is:
I Believe In Father Christmas - Emerson, Lake and Palmer
The lyrics speak for themselves, and when you actually hear it sung, it's - well, I think a kind way of putting it is abomination.
There was some other dumb song on a TV music station years ago, I don't remember anything about it other than this lady singing something about "Forget the Jesus part." Uh, no! So very much no! That song, whatever it is, has a permanent place in the song section of Stenchville too.
Now, we come to songs that you might think would make my yuck list, but they don't.:
"I'll Have A Blue Christmas" misses the yuck song list because it is included in a beloved Christmas special I grew up with. 'Santa Claus Is Coming To Town' so I'll let that one go, though I normally dislike 'Christmas' songs that go on about how lonely someone is without their significant other. That could be the case for Blue Christmas, but not when it comes to the kiddy TV special. It's a little kid who has learned Santa is unable to make it that Christmas, and writes him a letter, that being the song. It was cute.
"My Grownup Christmas List" It's only the kind of thing I'm constantly wishing for anyway, though I still don't much appreciate any sort of big heart-yank being pulled in any Christmas song. At least MGCL has just enough going for it that doesn't land it in the yuck pile with the soppies above such as "The Christmas Shoes" or "Do They Know It's Christmas". It doesn't try to make your mood take a big nose-dive during the holidays, even if it is on the sad side. It yearns for more Christmas spirit, it does not try to take that spirit away from others. It expresses a longing so many of us have for something we can't make happen on our own. It's a song that understands the compassion in the human spirit.
If you're reading this around the Christmas season, Merry Christmas! If you're reading it at any other time of the year, may your next Christmas be merry. :)