elan gale Twitter activity
elan gale Verified account
@theyearofelan
producer of ABC's The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, and Bachelor Pad. director of Looking for Lenny. very indoorsy.
los angeles · thebachelor.tv
19,529
TWEETS
Jenny Mollen @jennyandteets 2h
Lets be honest, December is sort of the best time of year to cut ties with anyone who'd normally expect a gift.
Retweeted by elan gale
elan gale @theyearofelan 13h
Watching "The Hunger Games" and it's super unrealistic. Jennifer Lawrence would never be that young in the future
elan gale @theyearofelan 14h
I love nodding my head and pretending to understand when cool people are talking about music
elan gale @theyearofelan 16h
Ok guys. Seems like most of the psychopaths are gone. What do you say we get back to just having fun like the old days?
elan gale @theyearofelan 16h
There's no power in my home. Which one of you did this?
elan gale @theyearofelan 20h
I agree with everyone out there who keep saying how remarkable it is that I'm single
elan gale @theyearofelan 20h
This is the worst Monday ever
elan gale @theyearofelan 21h
In the past, when your trusted news sources were wrong, they issued retractions. Now, they write cute editorials with a lot of spice!
elan gale @theyearofelan 3 Dec
This is another tweet. I recommend not turning it into "news"
Dan Ewen @VaguelyFunnyDan 3 Dec
Sing like no one is listening. Dance like no one is watching. Tweet like there's a complete asshole in 7A.
Retweeted by elan gale
elan gale @theyearofelan 2 Dec
Don't forget to tip your bloggers!
elan gale @theyearofelan 2 Dec
Please forward all future complaints to anyone who told you Diane had cancer
Kal Penn @kalpenn 2 Dec
@theyearofelan haha even funnier to know it was just brilliant writing & execution, feeding inner-monologues of all the Dianes
Retweeted by elan gale
Adam Wilson ★★☆☆☆ @theleanover 2 Dec
Dear Internet PLEASE SHOW ME ONLY TRUE THINGS.
Retweeted by elan gale
Eli Braden @EliBraden 2 Dec
I sent the lady a glass of wine and a note pic.twitter.com/dJQ9QIhlUt
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Eli Braden @EliBraden 2 Dec
Our flight is delayed. A woman on here is very upset because of the Elan Gale hoax. She is the only one obviously. Praying for her
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Beet Saladbar @peterjscalettar 2 Dec
Sometimes it is hard to read the tone of your satire, @theyearofelan.
Retweeted by elan gale
andy lassner @andylassner 2 Dec
While the world continues to dominate us in all areas, we here in America are very, very busy still discussing Diane.
Retweeted by elan gale
Jason Biggs @JasonBiggs 2 Dec
Saving a seat for Diane at next Passover dinner.
Retweeted by elan gale
elan gale @theyearofelan 2 Dec
I conclude by saying hopefully a few people got a few laughs over a slow Thanksgiving weekend
elan gale @theyearofelan 2 Dec
Whoops. Meant Diane. Great time for a typo
elan gale @theyearofelan 2 Dec
Here is Diana sitting in a chair pic.twitter.com/OE5q7j8dhr
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elan gale @theyearofelan 2 Dec
So many questions unanswered about Diane. In 15 minutes I will post the photo and hopefully we can resolve all this
elan gale @theyearofelan 2 Dec
A nice note from my old therapist pic.twitter.com/vwDNYbDPVH
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elan gale @theyearofelan 2 Dec
Okay back to joking around and having a good time because that's what I like to do here
elan gale @theyearofelan 2 Dec
1. Write article about a human, giving their first and last name
2. Call them bully
3. Post their photo
4. Eat lunch
5. Pat self on back
elan gale @theyearofelan 2 Dec
A fun humorless publication asked me no questions but spent 2,000 words explaining that my biggest sin was not giving Diane's perspective
elan gale @theyearofelan 2 Dec
It's very postmodern to be "publicly shamed" by online mags for allegedly "publicly shaming" a person who is yet to be publicly identified
elan gale @theyearofelan 1 Dec
Amazon is stealing jobs from thousands of birds
elan gale @theyearofelan 1 Dec
An LAPD officer just asked me to move my car because I was in a "loading zone." He was right and very pleasant about it. I apologized
elan gale @theyearofelan 1 Dec
A beautiful evening in Santa Monica pic.twitter.com/XF81A7XV3F
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elan gale @theyearofelan 1 Dec
Please make sure to include the new Diane was a unicorn evidence in all future media. Seems viable. Someone said it
elan gale @theyearofelan 1 Dec
Just read somewhere that Diane was the last remaining unicorn and was just trying to get back to repopulate her home planet
elan gale @theyearofelan 1 Dec
My pledge: if you end up sitting next to me on a plane for the next year, and you are nice, I promise that I will offer to buy you a drink
elan gale @theyearofelan 1 Dec
Today is a very busy travel day for a lot of people. Let's all be cool and help each other with overhead space and whatnot
elan gale @theyearofelan 1 Dec
There isn't enough coffee in the world to give me enough energy to respond to absolute silly silly nonsense
elan gale @theyearofelan 1 Dec
Be The Change You Wish To See On The Plane
elan gale @theyearofelan 1 Dec
December 1 is the biggest day in the plumbing business as millions of ill-prepared men shave their mustaches over a sink
elan gale @theyearofelan 1 Dec
Everyone feels one way! I AM SMART AND MUST FEEL ANOTHER WAY IMMEDIATELY!
elan gale @theyearofelan 1 Dec
I have poorly thought out opinions about things I skimmed through on the internet! I demand answers! I demand justice!
elan gale @theyearofelan 1 Dec
Oh, I saw someone write an article about a thing my dog's wife's friend saw on a message board and I AM ENRAGED
elan gale @theyearofelan 1 Dec
So last night I met the dude who saw the guy who knew a man who wrote the stuff on the message board and then I WROTE AN ARTICLE ABOUT IT
elan gale @theyearofelan 1 Dec
My wife's dog's friend knows a guy who saw a guy who knew Diane and he also knows the guy who anonymously posted stuff about her health
elan gale @theyearofelan 30 Nov
Can't decide what to eat for dinner tonight
elan gale @theyearofelan 30 Nov
It's sad that we don't have the technology to predict what haters will do
elan gale @theyearofelan 30 Nov
...as soon as I finish bowling on this beautiful Saturday afternoon
elan gale @theyearofelan 30 Nov
I will be responding to all the baseless accusations shortly
elan gale @theyearofelan 30 Nov
Give 1,000 monkeys 1,000 typewriters and they will believe 1,000 comments on 1,000 message boards and let you know what they think about it
elan gale @theyearofelan 30 Nov
This is by far the most hard-hitting op-ed piece I have seen yet! pic.twitter.com/AJC0lnqJR5
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elan gale @theyearofelan 30 Nov
Update: getting a lot of hate mail from holograms now
elan gale @theyearofelan 30 Nov
Hey guys did you hear from that totally unverifiable anonymous source that Elan is actually just a hologram? Gonna write an article about it
elan gale @theyearofelan 30 Nov
Ugh the farmer's market is completely out of buzzwords :(
elan gale @theyearofelan 30 Nov
Does anybody know where I can buy a "Jump To Conclusions Mat?" It seems like all the stores are sold out
elan gale @theyearofelan 29 Nov
Like many things in life, it's not what words you use, it's where you put them
ABFoundation @ABFalecbaldwin 29 Nov
I want everyone to follow @theyearofelan bc he is so f#%*ing funny.
Retweeted by elan gale
elan gale @theyearofelan 29 Nov
I hope everyone is having a super fun night being cool with each other and just generally being polite
elan gale @theyearofelan 29 Nov
#blessed
elan gale @theyearofelan 29 Nov
I will gladly accept criticism from anyone who has more information about yesterday than me. Otherwise, well, ya know...
elan gale @theyearofelan 29 Nov
Regretting not putting this all on Google +
elan gale @theyearofelan 29 Nov
I am very embarrassed by my terrible handwriting
elan gale @theyearofelan 29 Nov
Nothing of interest is happening to me at this time
elan gale @theyearofelan 29 Nov
Local news stations could just play footage of people trampling each other from last year and nobody would know the difference
elan gale @theyearofelan 29 Nov
Well it has been an interesting day. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Well, almost everyone
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
Diane - My final thoughts on Diane and my flight today… http://tmblr.co/ZhGbGw-kPQQk
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elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
I'm putting together my thoughts right now recapping the day. Stand by for my final words on #7A #TeamElan
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
Wow. Thanks to everyone who supports my fight against Diane. For those of you who think I was wrong, I have some snacks to recommend to you!
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
Friends. This is super overwhelming. Thank you so much for your comments. I promise I'm reading all of them and will try to respond soon
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
We are all @theyearofelan
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elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
Oh, one more thing. Diane, if you're reading this, my mother has a message for you #TeamElan pic.twitter.com/BNFv7T3Gdo
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elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
Finally landed in LA. Gonna go hang out with my mom and be a good son. Love y'all. #SuckItDiane Happy Thanksgiving pic.twitter.com/P6oJiiuarc
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elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
And for the record, #DianeCanEatMyD for life. #TeamElan
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
Let me just say this: What started off as an annoyance became a pleasure because of you people. Seriously. More than anything. I love you
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
#TeamElan #7A #DianeCanEatMyD #HappyThanksgiving
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
"Look me up online. Read every tweet. Read every response. And maybe next time you'll be nice to people who are just trying to help"
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
"Diane, allow me to introduce myself. I am TheYearOfElan..."
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
The note said...
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
And I said "No. It's okay. I understand. But I do have a note for her." And I handed it to her and I walked away
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
I laughed. And then the gate agent said "Are you sure you don't want to talk to the police? You can if you want to"
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
He said "no"
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
She turned to the gate agent and said "Am I going to make my flight to Sacramento?"
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
I said no
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
The gate agent for the next flight actually grabbed her and held her back. He asked me if I wanted to have the airport police come over
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
She walked right up to me and slapped me immediately in the face
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
When I got off the plane I waited for her at the gate. I was holding another note in my hand and I was going to give it to her
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
Okay guys I'm up in the air. Here's how it all played out...
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
I'm on my connecting flight to LAX now. I will update you guys as soon as I have wifi. Thanks for the support #TeamElan
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
#TeamElan
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
Well, "Diane" just slapped me
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
I have landed in Phoenix. No sight of authorities yet
Andrew Hirsh @andrewhirsh 28 Nov
We are all @theyearofelan.
Retweeted by elan gale
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
My final (I think) note to Diane in 7A pic.twitter.com/SLrOug9U4d
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
Landing in 15 minutes!
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
Diane has received yet another note from me. She does not look pleased #7A #TeamElan #DianeCanEatMyD
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
I am working on my response at the moment
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
Diane has responded #TeamElan #7A #DianeCanEatMyD pic.twitter.com/vYFyGtGMZl
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elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
I have received a response from 7A
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
#TeamElan #7A #DianeCanEatMyD
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
I can hear her breathing
Lauren Reeves @laurenreeves 28 Nov
Sorry I was late to Thanksgiving, I had to see what @theyearofelan said in his response note.
Retweeted by elan gale
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
My response to "Diane" in 7A pic.twitter.com/cRN2togLdq
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elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
I have delivered the note
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
I just walked by her and said "I'll be back shortly." Then I stopped and took this picture and smiled at her pic.twitter.com/dNWMMXE2cc
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elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
I'm considering balling it up and putting it in my mouth and spitting it into her tray table as I walk by but I haven't decided yet
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
I'm writing a note as we speak
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
I cannot believe there are "Diane" apologists in this world. You're with me or you're against me!
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
Diane is in her late 40s or early 50s. She is wearing mom jeans and a studded belt and she is wearing a medical mask over her idiot face
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
Well I don't know what I'm going to so next but I've got two hours left on this flight and I'm going to retaliate
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
This means war
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
From 7A pic.twitter.com/OEaCWw5mz3
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elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
The male flight attendant just handed me a note from 7A
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
I don't really know what to do now I'm afraid to get out of my seat. This is like being on a roller coaster I'm scared and super excited
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
I'm not going to lie I am shaking this is so terrifying she is so angry at me it's kind of incredible
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
She just stared at me like REALLY hard. She was breathing through her teeth and I think she just couldn't believe I was doing that
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
Oh my God I did it I walked as if I was going to the bathroom and I leaned over and put them on her tray table and walked away Oh my God
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
I'm going to do it
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
He gave me two little bottles of vodka but he won't hand them to her. He says I have to do it myself
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
The male flight attendant is giving me the "let's just pretend this never happened" face. Shaking his head a lot
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
She's pushing her call button a lot
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
I sent the lady a glass of wine and a note pic.twitter.com/GttnmQI25P
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
She had to sit down because we took off. She has been muttering "about DAMN time" and I can hear her breathing from 5 rows back
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
"Today is Thanksgiving! I'm supposed to be with my family. NOT with you people I barely know!"
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
She has a connecting flight. Why doesn't anyone understand she has a connecting flight? Why do people not understand her needs?
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
Her family is very important to her, she says. Her family has a special recipe for stuffing. She needs to be there to help. It is crucial
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
The male flight attendant said "I understand ma'am. I'm looking forward to seeing my family too." She responded "This isn't about you"
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
She's telling the flight attendants that it is Thanksgiving. She wants them to know she wants to have dinner with her family
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
Our flight is delayed. A woman on here is very upset because she has Thanksgiving plans. She is the only one obviously. Praying for her
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
Gonna be in the air for the next 5 hours so if you're bored on thanksgiving or hate your family let's interact on the internet!
Meghan McCain @MeghanMcCain 28 Nov
Happy Thanksgiving! Special thanks today to the men and women deployed who can't celebrate with their families at home - and all serving!
Retweeted by elan gale
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
My Thanksgiving gift to you: a video of me in Hong Kong last week eating a whole truffle like an absolute idiot. http://vimeo.com/m/80522619
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
The airport is super crowded today! pic.twitter.com/W6ez919utx
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
Will Elan get a new flight? Will he make it home on time for Thanksgiving? Does anyone love him? All this and more coming up today!
elan gale @theyearofelan 28 Nov
I missed my flight home because I am a very smart man
elan gale @theyearofelan 27 Nov
I can't wait to be someone's ex-husband
elan gale @theyearofelan 27 Nov
It's really cute when exes want to "be friends" instead of "be murdered"
elan gale @theyearofelan 27 Nov
Here is a picture of me and a bald white guy that some of you care about pic.twitter.com/wRz6GWR9T0
elan gale @theyearofelan 27 Nov
This year I am thankful for all the incredible things I have done for others and how wonderful I am at being good at life
elan gale @theyearofelan 27 Nov
Guys I am super not thankful
elan gale @theyearofelan 27 Nov
I've made a lot of mistakes in my life and I want to take this opportunity to apologize for none of them
elan gale @theyearofelan 26 Nov
I don't want to be judged for my looks. Unless you think I'm super hot. If you think I'm super hot you can judge me
elan gale @theyearofelan 26 Nov
So wait are you sorry or are you not sorry? Oh my God this is all so confusing
elan gale @theyearofelan 25 Nov
The cab driver asked me what kind of job I can have with "all that hair" and I said I mostly just rob cab drivers
elan gale @theyearofelan 25 Nov
Hey New York friends. I'm here for a few days. We can maybe have a drink. Call me
elan gale @theyearofelan 25 Nov
I didn't have wifi for six minutes on this plane. It was actually pretty cool. It was like being in a huge time machine going to the past!
elan gale @theyearofelan 25 Nov
No one will pay me to tell you exactly what I think of you. I will do it for free
elan gale @theyearofelan 25 Nov
I love the new laws because I don't have to pretend to turn my phone off on airplanes anymore
elan gale @theyearofelan 25 Nov
Say "if you know what I mean" at the end of every sentence to be sure no one knows what you mean and you can't be held accountable
elan gale @theyearofelan 25 Nov
Every mother has a PhD in asking annoying questions
elan gale @theyearofelan 25 Nov
All I want to do in life right now is fill out an OKCupid profile because it would be hilarious
elan gale @theyearofelan 25 Nov
How much glitter should I wear to attract the right woman?
elan gale @theyearofelan 25 Nov
How you feel actually is the truth and anyone that tells you otherwise needs your approval. Don't give it to them
elan gale @theyearofelan 25 Nov
In a way, it's weird not to "like" your own Instagram photos
elan gale @theyearofelan 25 Nov
Most people who seek to inspire are hiding the fact that they are deeply unhappy and want you to live in a world of delusion with them :)
elan gale @theyearofelan 25 Nov
What's ur fav word to abbrev? Mine's probs totes
elan gale @theyearofelan 25 Nov
It's totally amazeballs that any adult would use that word
elan gale @theyearofelan 25 Nov
This is going to sound crazy but I have a terrible fear of flying. I always have. At one point, I didn't fly at all for 4 years
elan gale @theyearofelan 25 Nov
I'm on a plane again for the next 4 hours so expect a lot of tweeting and anxiety. I'm sorry to do this to you
elan gale @theyearofelan 25 Nov
I haven't made a good life decision in so long I don't even know how to recognize them anymore
elan gale @theyearofelan 25 Nov
Literally almost everything is a complete waste of time
elan gale @theyearofelan 25 Nov
Follow your heart. Follow it into your chest. Burrow in. Try hard to stop the bleeding. Die trying
elan gale @theyearofelan 25 Nov
What am I doing with my life?
Trevor S @trevso_electric 24 Nov
If you can't handle me at my childish ultimatums then you don't deserve me at my found inspirational quotes.
Retweeted by elan gale
elan gale @theyearofelan 24 Nov
Don't forget to mention that it's your "official Instagram account" or someone else may try to pretend they have your terrible life
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elan gale @theyearofelan 24 Nov
It's always exciting when two shitty people fall in love because that way only two people will end up unhappy instead of four
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elan gale @theyearofelan 24 Nov
Hey thin people in fast food commercials. Why are you lying?
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elan gale @theyearofelan 24 Nov
The great thing about making the same mistakes over and over again is that eventually you'll become good at something
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elan gale @theyearofelan 24 Nov
I'm watching Downton Abbey. No spoilers about how World War I ends please
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elan gale @theyearofelan 24 Nov
My hobbies include working out, staying fit, eating healthy, and lying
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elan gale @theyearofelan 24 Nov
I haven't been traveling enough so I'm coming to New York tomorrow to freeze my face off
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elan gale @theyearofelan 24 Nov
If I give you my email when I meet you it means I am terrified by the idea of you having my phone number
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elan gale @theyearofelan 24 Nov
1. Don't kill people. 2. Don't take out your nose ring in public. 3. Everything else is ok
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elan gale @theyearofelan 24 Nov
3 days. 14,000 miles. Happy to be home
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elan gale @theyearofelan 24 Nov
Ticket emergency averted. On a plane heading back to America. Can't wait to see you all again and kiss your beautiful faces and necks
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Michael @MichaelColtonP 24 Nov
@theyearofelan
An old hairy beard..
Into beauty, such a sight
Cut, cut, snip, snip, yeah?
Retweeted by elan gale
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Scrad @ColorMeScradd 23 Nov
Zihuatanejo is now just a five star resort full of drunk white kids on vacation. Andy Dufresne was beaten to death during spring break.
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elan gale @theyearofelan 23 Nov
I just found a hair growing on my shoulder. I have six months to get married before it's totally hopeless
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elan gale @theyearofelan 23 Nov
Just landed in Japan. My flight home is wrong. Everything is on the right track, as usual
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elan gale @theyearofelan 23 Nov
Oh yeah looking like I just fell out of a tree takes no effort at all pic.twitter.com/cqWYbz5Bbe
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elan gale @theyearofelan 23 Nov
I am a rebel pic.twitter.com/SZY4JSBDvh
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elan gale @theyearofelan 23 Nov
This should be easy to find pic.twitter.com/xWAkDA8KKM
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Rob Fee @robfee 21 Nov
Missions in the new Modern Mario game:
Help Princess promote her new blog
Teach Toad how to use Spotify
Buy Luigi only gluten-free mushrooms
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elan gale @theyearofelan 23 Nov
Travel tip: don't fly to Asia for one day. It is a really bad idea
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elan gale @theyearofelan 23 Nov
#36HoursInHongKong is coming to an end. Bedtime and up early to fly home tomorrow. Here's the skyline from Kowloon pic.twitter.com/ExYaW8wDgy
elan gale @theyearofelan 22 Nov
"Please don't go looking for French food in the third world. There's a life lesson from Peter." - @petermerelis #36HoursInHongKong
elan gale @theyearofelan 22 Nov
I would describe my lifestyle as "ironic nightmare"
elan gale @theyearofelan 22 Nov
Ate 4,000 dumplings. Now it's time for pretentious Ice Drip coffee at The Coffee Academïcs #36HoursInHongKong #pretentious #snob #blessed
elan gale @theyearofelan 22 Nov
Everything is going wrong. Cab driver got lost. Missed our morning train. Broken Octopus Cars. At least I found this pic.twitter.com/fn55DBiVsi
elan gale @theyearofelan 22 Nov
It's 8:30am on Saturday in Hong Kong. 25 hours before I head back to America. Time to go make something happen #36HoursInHongKong
elan gale @theyearofelan 22 Nov
Why can't I lose weight AND constantly eat and drink and lay around on the floor doing nothing? Life is so unfair
elan gale @theyearofelan 22 Nov
I left my iPad on the plane. If found please return it to hahaha nope I will never see it again #36HoursInHongKong
elan gale @theyearofelan 22 Nov
#36HoursInHongKong off to a great start. In the back of a cab, completely lost pic.twitter.com/y0V2aNER6C
elan gale @theyearofelan 22 Nov
22 hours later, this is a pleasant sight pic.twitter.com/TP0NhtuG0Q
elan gale @theyearofelan 22 Nov
Because of the exact time of day I have been experiencing sunset nonstop for the last six hours. It looks like this pic.twitter.com/963p39vl0f
elan gale @theyearofelan 21 Nov
I don't want to sound racist but all snowflakes look the same
elan gale @theyearofelan 21 Nov
Currently feeling very relaxed in this airplane bathroom pic.twitter.com/ErvKbaLsfq
elan gale @theyearofelan 21 Nov
Tinder: Find people around you by ignoring the people around you
elan gale @theyearofelan 21 Nov
Live each day as if it is your last because you never know when you could be viciously murdered by a roaming gang of cliches
elan gale @theyearofelan 21 Nov
I just re-installed snapchat and saw all the things strangers have been sending me and wow life is garbage
elan gale @theyearofelan 21 Nov
5 hours into this trip and I'm wishing somebody had told me that flying 8,000 miles for dinner was a stupid idea #36HoursInHongKong
elan gale @theyearofelan 21 Nov
The problem with me drinking on airplanes is I buy a lot of porcelain eagles from SkyMall
elan gale @theyearofelan 21 Nov
How I'm spending my time on the plane pic.twitter.com/e0y9j0vp90
elan gale @theyearofelan 21 Nov
I can't get Instagram to work on this plane as I fly over the Pacific Ocean and I plan on making a huge deal about it
elan gale @theyearofelan 21 Nov
"I'M VERY UPSET ABOUT EVERYTHING!" - crying baby on plane
elan gale @theyearofelan 21 Nov
In case anyone is wondering, I'm on a plane next to a screaming baby. The plane has wifi. I'm going to be a real jerk for the next 10 hours
elan gale @theyearofelan 21 Nov
A screaming baby walks into a bar. The bartender says shut up. The baby continues to cry because it doesn't know what is happening
elan gale @theyearofelan 21 Nov
If someone offers you a mint, just take it. You need it. Believe
elan gale @theyearofelan 21 Nov
When I land I will be doing #36HoursInHongKong and I hope you join me as I destroy my life/liver
elan gale @theyearofelan 21 Nov
People. I'm gonna be on an airplane for the next 17 hours or so. I will miss all of you for the majority of that time. Well, most of you
elan gale @theyearofelan 21 Nov
FaceTime is great because I can stare at myself while pretending to be interested in what others are saying
elan gale @theyearofelan 21 Nov
I'm about to go to Hong Kong for absolutely no reason. I have some real issues to work out, I think
elan gale @theyearofelan 21 Nov
I got so drunk last night I had an intentional conversation with a yoga instructor
dance blessed @dance_blessed 21 Nov
Haters can't afford my moisturizer.
Retweeted by elan gale
elan gale @theyearofelan 20 Nov
I have a skin condition. All of my skin is unbelievably sexy
elan gale @theyearofelan 20 Nov
On my way to San Francisco. Secret project. Shhhhh
elan gale @theyearofelan 20 Nov
People boarding planes all look like newborn cows, horribly confused, trying to see the little numbers and find their place in the world
elan gale @theyearofelan 20 Nov
Don't hate the hater. Hate the hate. Stumble around in confusion
elan gale @theyearofelan 20 Nov
It's important to know that sometimes men fake orgasms
elan gale @theyearofelan 20 Nov
It's weird how ideas work. One second you think of something you couldn't think of a second before but nothing external has changed. Weird
elan gale @theyearofelan 20 Nov
An excellent pickup line pic.twitter.com/51UsuIO59y
elan gale @theyearofelan 20 Nov
Love is like the ocean: I am in it with endangered whales
Jamie Woodham @jwoodham 19 Nov
Dance like no one is watching. Run like no one is watching. Eat like no one is watching. Welcome to being a human. No one cares about you.
Retweeted by elan gale
elan gale @theyearofelan 19 Nov
If I interrupt you it's probably in everyone's best interest
elan gale @theyearofelan 19 Nov
Facts and Opinions - How to Argue http://tmblr.co/ZhGbGw_vphWB
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elan gale @theyearofelan 19 Nov
Things are about to get handsome “@BachelorABC: #TheBachelor premieres Monday, January 6 at 8|7c on ABC! pic.twitter.com/0NQkBTd4Gw”
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elan gale @theyearofelan 19 Nov
Pretty cool that everything happens for a reason and that the whole world revolves around you!
elan gale @theyearofelan 19 Nov
Just ran into my high school girlfriend on the street. She exclaimed "I can't believe I recognized you. You look like garbage!"
elan gale @theyearofelan 19 Nov
If I was a celebrity I would call a press conference right now to confirm that I am officially out of almond milk
elan gale @theyearofelan 19 Nov
What's a good emoji to use to ask for a divorce?
elan gale @theyearofelan 19 Nov
If you're friends with everybody, you're friends with nobody
elan gale @theyearofelan 18 Nov
A better name for "extended family" is "people who expect things from you because their blood is similar"
elan gale @theyearofelan 18 Nov
If you haven't had a chance to read my brief description of what "unfollowing" means, you can do so here: http://theyearofelan.tumblr.com/post/67274297526/the-unfollow-dilemma …
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elan gale @theyearofelan 18 Nov
Never lowers your standards. Lower your expectations of ever reaching your standards
elan gale @theyearofelan 18 Nov
Fashion Tip: you can wear the same great outfit every day as long as you kill all the people you've seen at the end of each day
elan gale @theyearofelan 17 Nov
Of course I'm watching my weight! I'm watching it spiral wildly out of control!
elan gale @theyearofelan 17 Nov
The Unfollow Dilemma - What unfollowing really means … http://tmblr.co/ZhGbGw_ft52s
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elan gale @theyearofelan 17 Nov
A happy birthday to my good friend @SeanLowe09 - I waited til the last minute to pull this one out. Not a joke. Pulled out at last minute
elan gale @theyearofelan 16 Nov
The movie "Jobs" is actually just one of the parallel universes in "The Butterfly Effect"
elan gale @theyearofelan 16 Nov
When I get married I'm going to change my last name to something way cooler, like a picture of a wolf
elan gale @theyearofelan 16 Nov
Everything seems like such a good idea until you have to actually do it
elan gale @theyearofelan 15 Nov
Put a picture of your significant other on your Instagram to activate the breakup countdown clock
elan gale @theyearofelan 15 Nov
Tell me more about your hustle. Explain to me your grind
elan gale @theyearofelan 15 Nov
The best part about being single is that there is an entire world out there just waiting for an opportunity to disappoint and reject you
elan gale @theyearofelan 15 Nov
There are plenty of fish in the sea. None of them want to date you either
elan gale @theyearofelan 14 Nov
Mayor Rob Ford's wife is standing by him because there is literally no place on earth you can stand and not be by him
elan gale @theyearofelan 14 Nov
Hi, Adam Levine here for Proactiv. As a teenager my face was pimply and red. Some would say it was Maroon. 5 years later, I found Proactiv
elan gale @theyearofelan 14 Nov
Hi I'm Adam Levine here for Proactiv. If you use this product you will also make a billion dollars and have sex with many people
elan gale @theyearofelan 14 Nov
How terrible is it that people don't immediately disappear after you're done talking to them?
elan gale @theyearofelan 14 Nov
Attention Surplus Disorder -… http://tmblr.co/ZhGbGw_Q3XK0
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elan gale @theyearofelan 14 Nov
My Glorious Death Kayak - How I want to go out when the time comes... http://tmblr.co/ZhGbGw_PkNLC
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elan gale @theyearofelan 14 Nov
I bet you think all of my tweets are about you. Well, this one is. Congratulations on finally being right about something
elan gale @theyearofelan 14 Nov
It's important to remember that famous people are not always celebrities. Celebrities are famous people who are worthy of being celebrated
elan gale @theyearofelan 14 Nov
When you're in a relationship, you should never go to bed angry. You should just sit up and argue until you grow old and one of you dies
Brandon Gutermuth @UNTRESOR 14 Nov
A more realistic serving size would be "until you hate yourself."
Retweeted by elan gale
elan gale @theyearofelan 13 Nov
I promise I'll stop looking at my phone the second you start being interesting
elan gale @theyearofelan 13 Nov
Our healthcare laws are longer than the Bible and most people who scream and shout about these things haven't actually read either
elan gale @theyearofelan 13 Nov
No one will take you seriously as an artist unless you have "passion" tattooed on your body
elan gale @theyearofelan 13 Nov
Show me one more YouTube video you like so I can murder you legally
elan gale @theyearofelan 13 Nov
To the person who wrote "Wash Me" on my car, you didn't leave any contact info. How am I supposed to find you? Also, why are you so dirty?
elan gale @theyearofelan 13 Nov
July - A story about a girl I dated a long time ago… http://tmblr.co/ZhGbGw_JZZ0a
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elan gale @theyearofelan 13 Nov
Please don't get any of your swag on me
elan gale @theyearofelan 13 Nov
Pinterest is a great way to make sure your lover knows how expensive and inflexible your tastes are
elan gale @theyearofelan 13 Nov
The scars on your heart are your relationship souvenirs
elan gale @theyearofelan 12 Nov
Mumford and Sons is the sequel to Les Miserables
elan gale @theyearofelan 12 Nov
I would break up with myself if I could
elan gale @theyearofelan 12 Nov
America needs to go to war with Hashtagistan
elan gale @theyearofelan 12 Nov
I'm sorry I'm tweeting so much. I'm just on a downward madness spiral. I'm sure it will be fine
elan gale @theyearofelan 12 Nov
I don't know if people are inherently good or bad but I know they're terrible at driving
elan gale @theyearofelan 12 Nov
"Stop acting coy" he said. She just turned her head in disgust and swam away, turned off by his poor spelling
elan gale @theyearofelan 12 Nov
A restaurant is sexist unless it also offers a womenu
elan gale @theyearofelan 12 Nov
Every picture is a throwback unless you have a time machine camera
elan gale @theyearofelan 12 Nov
If you were really a hipster you'd be reading this on a vintage mahogany rotary phone
elan gale @theyearofelan 12 Nov
The internet has made everything accessible and also managed to make everything irrelevant
elan gale @theyearofelan 12 Nov
If you have a good mood that lasts more than 4 hours, see a doctor immediately to discuss a return to reality
elan gale @theyearofelan 12 Nov
I hate when people judge me for my terrible looks instead of my shitty personality
jomny sun @jonnysun 12 Nov
a more acurate way to spell "cyclops" is "cyiclops" because it has one i
Retweeted by elan gale
elan gale @theyearofelan 12 Nov
I've had 87 cups of coffee hours of sleep
elan gale @theyearofelan 11 Nov
A lot of women fall in love with me for about a week or two and then they wake up and can't believe what a nightmare I am
elan gale @theyearofelan 11 Nov
I always get up early on Mondays so I can have ten seconds of peace before everyone starts complaining about Monday
Trevor S @trevso_electric 10 Nov
If you take the 't' out of "Britney Spears" you have a really cute name for a pickle company.
Retweeted by elan gale
Rex Huppke @RexHuppke 10 Nov
Top Whole Foods Cashier Names:
1) Moss
2) Quinoa
3) Doug (Son of Gandalf)
4) Goddessfireflylifechanger
5) 🌈
6) Zerp
7) Bon Iver
Retweeted by elan gale
elan gale @theyearofelan 10 Nov
Get your ugly sweaters ready for a whole season of terrible parties with quirky folk!
elan gale @theyearofelan 10 Nov
I don't actually remember meeting my parents so who knows if this whole thing is a lie
elan gale @theyearofelan 10 Nov
One thing everyone has in common is that they think they're unique
elan gale @theyearofelan 10 Nov
There is actually nothing worse to be around than a person with no real opinions
elan gale @theyearofelan 10 Nov
Febreze is strong enough to cover up the stench of a terrible relationship
elan gale @theyearofelan 10 Nov
I didn't have time to write out 'thank you' so I just wrote 'thx.' That's how much I wanted you to know I appreciate you
elan gale @theyearofelan 10 Nov
I'm totally emotionally unprepared for Christmas music
elan gale @theyearofelan 9 Nov
If you're rich or important your dog should never touch the ground. Disgusting
elan gale @theyearofelan 9 Nov
The hip new thing in Hollywood is to have your tiny dog surgically attached to your arm
elan gale @theyearofelan 9 Nov
My bologna has a first name. It has become sentient. It is threatening my family. This is my worst nightmare
elan gale @theyearofelan 8 Nov
How does Cee Lo hug?
elan gale @theyearofelan 8 Nov
Men are okay but guys are awful
elan gale @theyearofelan 8 Nov
Women are beautiful and sculpted perfectly by nature and men are just giant accidental meat heaps covered in hair
elan gale @theyearofelan 8 Nov
Actually, your tattoo says "regret" in Chinese
elan gale @theyearofelan 7 Nov
"I'm hungry" - Gandhi
elan gale @theyearofelan 7 Nov
Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, do you even remember me? I was very popular in my time
elan gale @theyearofelan 7 Nov
I'm sorry I lied to everyone. It is time to announce my true identity pic.twitter.com/g7hBTqksjG
elan gale @theyearofelan 7 Nov
If someone says "Let me be completely honest with you," the next thing out of their mouth is going to destroy you
elan gale @theyearofelan 7 Nov
I don't really like your photo. I just clicked so you know I saw it
elan gale @theyearofelan 7 Nov
Exclusive: You need a mint
elan gale @theyearofelan 7 Nov
What kind of face disease is that is a bad pickup line
elan gale @theyearofelan 7 Nov
End the fights about leaving the toilet seat up by removing the toilet seat and all people of the opposite gender from your life
elan gale @theyearofelan 7 Nov
90% of talent managers are actually opossums who have somehow printed business cards
Fred Delicious @Fred_Delicious 7 Nov
Robin Thicke lay dormant at the bottom of the ocean covered in coral for 9,000 years before being awoken in 1926 by a scuba diving satanist
Retweeted by elan gale
elan gale @theyearofelan 7 Nov
Life is a prison and all the people are bars
elan gale @theyearofelan 7 Nov
4 out of 5 dentists agree that teeth are annoying little pieces of shit that require too much upkeep
elan gale @theyearofelan 6 Nov
The most commonly unasked question is "What happened to your eyebrows?"
elan gale @theyearofelan 6 Nov
If you have any criticisms for me I'm happy to know them as long as you place your head up your ass and scream loud enough for me to hear
elan gale @theyearofelan 6 Nov
Award show ratings are up 14,000% since people started making fun of awards shows on the internet
elan gale @theyearofelan 6 Nov
I am happy to announce the launch of Elancare. It's not a healthcare thing but if you want I'll hug you and tell you you're good
elan gale @theyearofelan 6 Nov
I enjoy watching sports but no matter how hard I try I simply cannot actually care about them
elan gale @theyearofelan 6 Nov
This is the most depressed I've been since Blockbuster Music fell
elan gale @theyearofelan 6 Nov
The carpet is red because it is embarrassed about what's going on with these Hollywood types
elan gale @theyearofelan 6 Nov
The real news is that there is an adult who goes by the name "Richie"
elan gale @theyearofelan 5 Nov
I've been doing no shave November for 156 months straight. Don't even look at me, newbies
elan gale @theyearofelan 5 Nov
Is it the look in your eyes, or is it the dancing Jews? Oy baby, I think I wanna marry you
elan gale @theyearofelan 5 Nov
It's pretty obvious the egg came first. I mean, that's where chickens come from. What a stupid question
elan gale @theyearofelan 5 Nov
James Franco's best acting role has been being John Mayer this whole time
elan gale @theyearofelan 5 Nov
"Ugh my pumpkin spice latte is taking forever" - The Unbearable Whiteness of Being
elan gale @theyearofelan 5 Nov
If you want to make someone angry tell them to cheer up
elan gale @theyearofelan 4 Nov
Retweeting a compliment is like sending yourself a 'thank you' note after sex
Melissa Stetten @MelissaStetten 4 Nov
"But I'm nothing like those typical LA guys." -every guy in LA
Retweeted by elan gale