Elan Gale Tweets

elan gale Twitter activity

elan gale Verified account

@theyearofelan

producer of ABC's The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, and Bachelor Pad. director of Looking for Lenny. very indoorsy.

los angeles · thebachelor.tv

19,529

TWEETS

Jenny Mollen ‏@jennyandteets 2h

Lets be honest, December is sort of the best time of year to cut ties with anyone who'd normally expect a gift.

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elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 13h

Watching "The Hunger Games" and it's super unrealistic. Jennifer Lawrence would never be that young in the future

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 14h

I love nodding my head and pretending to understand when cool people are talking about music

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 16h

Ok guys. Seems like most of the psychopaths are gone. What do you say we get back to just having fun like the old days?

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 16h

There's no power in my home. Which one of you did this?

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 20h

I agree with everyone out there who keep saying how remarkable it is that I'm single

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 20h

This is the worst Monday ever

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 21h

In the past, when your trusted news sources were wrong, they issued retractions. Now, they write cute editorials with a lot of spice!

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 3 Dec

This is another tweet. I recommend not turning it into "news"

Dan Ewen ‏@VaguelyFunnyDan 3 Dec

Sing like no one is listening. Dance like no one is watching. Tweet like there's a complete asshole in 7A.

Retweeted by elan gale

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 2 Dec

Don't forget to tip your bloggers!

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 2 Dec

Please forward all future complaints to anyone who told you Diane had cancer

Kal Penn ‏@kalpenn 2 Dec

@theyearofelan haha even funnier to know it was just brilliant writing & execution, feeding inner-monologues of all the Dianes

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Adam Wilson ★★☆☆☆ ‏@theleanover 2 Dec

Dear Internet PLEASE SHOW ME ONLY TRUE THINGS.

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Eli Braden ‏@EliBraden 2 Dec

I sent the lady a glass of wine and a note pic.twitter.com/dJQ9QIhlUt

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Eli Braden ‏@EliBraden 2 Dec

Our flight is delayed. A woman on here is very upset because of the Elan Gale hoax. She is the only one obviously. Praying for her

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Beet Saladbar ‏@peterjscalettar 2 Dec

Sometimes it is hard to read the tone of your satire, @theyearofelan.

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andy lassner ‏@andylassner 2 Dec

While the world continues to dominate us in all areas, we here in America are very, very busy still discussing Diane.

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Jason Biggs ‏@JasonBiggs 2 Dec

Saving a seat for Diane at next Passover dinner.

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elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 2 Dec

I conclude by saying hopefully a few people got a few laughs over a slow Thanksgiving weekend

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 2 Dec

Whoops. Meant Diane. Great time for a typo

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 2 Dec

Here is Diana sitting in a chair pic.twitter.com/OE5q7j8dhr

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elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 2 Dec

So many questions unanswered about Diane. In 15 minutes I will post the photo and hopefully we can resolve all this

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 2 Dec

A nice note from my old therapist pic.twitter.com/vwDNYbDPVH

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elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 2 Dec

Okay back to joking around and having a good time because that's what I like to do here

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 2 Dec

1. Write article about a human, giving their first and last name

2. Call them bully

3. Post their photo

4. Eat lunch

5. Pat self on back

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 2 Dec

A fun humorless publication asked me no questions but spent 2,000 words explaining that my biggest sin was not giving Diane's perspective

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 2 Dec

It's very postmodern to be "publicly shamed" by online mags for allegedly "publicly shaming" a person who is yet to be publicly identified

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 1 Dec

Amazon is stealing jobs from thousands of birds

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 1 Dec

An LAPD officer just asked me to move my car because I was in a "loading zone." He was right and very pleasant about it. I apologized

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 1 Dec

A beautiful evening in Santa Monica pic.twitter.com/XF81A7XV3F

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elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 1 Dec

Please make sure to include the new Diane was a unicorn evidence in all future media. Seems viable. Someone said it

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 1 Dec

Just read somewhere that Diane was the last remaining unicorn and was just trying to get back to repopulate her home planet

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 1 Dec

My pledge: if you end up sitting next to me on a plane for the next year, and you are nice, I promise that I will offer to buy you a drink

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 1 Dec

Today is a very busy travel day for a lot of people. Let's all be cool and help each other with overhead space and whatnot

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 1 Dec

There isn't enough coffee in the world to give me enough energy to respond to absolute silly silly nonsense

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 1 Dec

Be The Change You Wish To See On The Plane

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 1 Dec

December 1 is the biggest day in the plumbing business as millions of ill-prepared men shave their mustaches over a sink

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 1 Dec

Everyone feels one way! I AM SMART AND MUST FEEL ANOTHER WAY IMMEDIATELY!

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 1 Dec

I have poorly thought out opinions about things I skimmed through on the internet! I demand answers! I demand justice!

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 1 Dec

Oh, I saw someone write an article about a thing my dog's wife's friend saw on a message board and I AM ENRAGED

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 1 Dec

So last night I met the dude who saw the guy who knew a man who wrote the stuff on the message board and then I WROTE AN ARTICLE ABOUT IT

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 1 Dec

My wife's dog's friend knows a guy who saw a guy who knew Diane and he also knows the guy who anonymously posted stuff about her health

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 30 Nov

Can't decide what to eat for dinner tonight

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 30 Nov

It's sad that we don't have the technology to predict what haters will do

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 30 Nov

...as soon as I finish bowling on this beautiful Saturday afternoon

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 30 Nov

I will be responding to all the baseless accusations shortly

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 30 Nov

Give 1,000 monkeys 1,000 typewriters and they will believe 1,000 comments on 1,000 message boards and let you know what they think about it

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 30 Nov

This is by far the most hard-hitting op-ed piece I have seen yet! pic.twitter.com/AJC0lnqJR5

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elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 30 Nov

Update: getting a lot of hate mail from holograms now

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 30 Nov

Hey guys did you hear from that totally unverifiable anonymous source that Elan is actually just a hologram? Gonna write an article about it

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 30 Nov

Ugh the farmer's market is completely out of buzzwords :(

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 30 Nov

Does anybody know where I can buy a "Jump To Conclusions Mat?" It seems like all the stores are sold out

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 29 Nov

Like many things in life, it's not what words you use, it's where you put them

ABFoundation ‏@ABFalecbaldwin 29 Nov

I want everyone to follow @theyearofelan bc he is so f#%*ing funny.

Retweeted by elan gale

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 29 Nov

I hope everyone is having a super fun night being cool with each other and just generally being polite

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 29 Nov

#blessed

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 29 Nov

I will gladly accept criticism from anyone who has more information about yesterday than me. Otherwise, well, ya know...

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 29 Nov

Regretting not putting this all on Google +

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 29 Nov

I am very embarrassed by my terrible handwriting

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 29 Nov

Nothing of interest is happening to me at this time

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 29 Nov

Local news stations could just play footage of people trampling each other from last year and nobody would know the difference

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 29 Nov

Well it has been an interesting day. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Well, almost everyone

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

Diane - My final thoughts on Diane and my flight today… http://tmblr.co/ZhGbGw-kPQQk

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elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

I'm putting together my thoughts right now recapping the day. Stand by for my final words on #7A #TeamElan

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

Wow. Thanks to everyone who supports my fight against Diane. For those of you who think I was wrong, I have some snacks to recommend to you!

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

Friends. This is super overwhelming. Thank you so much for your comments. I promise I'm reading all of them and will try to respond soon

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

We are all @theyearofelan

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elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

Oh, one more thing. Diane, if you're reading this, my mother has a message for you #TeamElan pic.twitter.com/BNFv7T3Gdo

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elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

Finally landed in LA. Gonna go hang out with my mom and be a good son. Love y'all. #SuckItDiane Happy Thanksgiving pic.twitter.com/P6oJiiuarc

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elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

And for the record, #DianeCanEatMyD for life. #TeamElan

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

Let me just say this: What started off as an annoyance became a pleasure because of you people. Seriously. More than anything. I love you

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

#TeamElan #7A #DianeCanEatMyD #HappyThanksgiving

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

"Look me up online. Read every tweet. Read every response. And maybe next time you'll be nice to people who are just trying to help"

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

"Diane, allow me to introduce myself. I am TheYearOfElan..."

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

The note said...

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

And I said "No. It's okay. I understand. But I do have a note for her." And I handed it to her and I walked away

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

I laughed. And then the gate agent said "Are you sure you don't want to talk to the police? You can if you want to"

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

He said "no"

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

She turned to the gate agent and said "Am I going to make my flight to Sacramento?"

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

I said no

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

The gate agent for the next flight actually grabbed her and held her back. He asked me if I wanted to have the airport police come over

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

She walked right up to me and slapped me immediately in the face

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

When I got off the plane I waited for her at the gate. I was holding another note in my hand and I was going to give it to her

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

Okay guys I'm up in the air. Here's how it all played out...

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

I'm on my connecting flight to LAX now. I will update you guys as soon as I have wifi. Thanks for the support #TeamElan

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

#TeamElan

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

Well, "Diane" just slapped me

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

I have landed in Phoenix. No sight of authorities yet

Andrew Hirsh ‏@andrewhirsh 28 Nov

We are all @theyearofelan.

Retweeted by elan gale

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

My final (I think) note to Diane in 7A pic.twitter.com/SLrOug9U4d

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

Landing in 15 minutes!

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

Diane has received yet another note from me. She does not look pleased #7A #TeamElan #DianeCanEatMyD

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

I am working on my response at the moment

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

Diane has responded #TeamElan #7A #DianeCanEatMyD pic.twitter.com/vYFyGtGMZl

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elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

I have received a response from 7A

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

#TeamElan #7A #DianeCanEatMyD

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

I can hear her breathing

Lauren Reeves ‏@laurenreeves 28 Nov

Sorry I was late to Thanksgiving, I had to see what @theyearofelan said in his response note.

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elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

My response to "Diane" in 7A pic.twitter.com/cRN2togLdq

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elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

I have delivered the note

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

I just walked by her and said "I'll be back shortly." Then I stopped and took this picture and smiled at her pic.twitter.com/dNWMMXE2cc

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elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

I'm considering balling it up and putting it in my mouth and spitting it into her tray table as I walk by but I haven't decided yet

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

I'm writing a note as we speak

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

I cannot believe there are "Diane" apologists in this world. You're with me or you're against me!

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

Diane is in her late 40s or early 50s. She is wearing mom jeans and a studded belt and she is wearing a medical mask over her idiot face

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

Well I don't know what I'm going to so next but I've got two hours left on this flight and I'm going to retaliate

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

This means war

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

From 7A pic.twitter.com/OEaCWw5mz3

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elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

The male flight attendant just handed me a note from 7A

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

I don't really know what to do now I'm afraid to get out of my seat. This is like being on a roller coaster I'm scared and super excited

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

I'm not going to lie I am shaking this is so terrifying she is so angry at me it's kind of incredible

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

She just stared at me like REALLY hard. She was breathing through her teeth and I think she just couldn't believe I was doing that

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

Oh my God I did it I walked as if I was going to the bathroom and I leaned over and put them on her tray table and walked away Oh my God

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

I'm going to do it

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

He gave me two little bottles of vodka but he won't hand them to her. He says I have to do it myself

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

The male flight attendant is giving me the "let's just pretend this never happened" face. Shaking his head a lot

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

She's pushing her call button a lot

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

I sent the lady a glass of wine and a note pic.twitter.com/GttnmQI25P

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

She had to sit down because we took off. She has been muttering "about DAMN time" and I can hear her breathing from 5 rows back

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

"Today is Thanksgiving! I'm supposed to be with my family. NOT with you people I barely know!"

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

She has a connecting flight. Why doesn't anyone understand she has a connecting flight? Why do people not understand her needs?

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

Her family is very important to her, she says. Her family has a special recipe for stuffing. She needs to be there to help. It is crucial

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

The male flight attendant said "I understand ma'am. I'm looking forward to seeing my family too." She responded "This isn't about you"

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

She's telling the flight attendants that it is Thanksgiving. She wants them to know she wants to have dinner with her family

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

Our flight is delayed. A woman on here is very upset because she has Thanksgiving plans. She is the only one obviously. Praying for her

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

Gonna be in the air for the next 5 hours so if you're bored on thanksgiving or hate your family let's interact on the internet!

Meghan McCain ‏@MeghanMcCain 28 Nov

Happy Thanksgiving! Special thanks today to the men and women deployed who can't celebrate with their families at home - and all serving!

Retweeted by elan gale

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

My Thanksgiving gift to you: a video of me in Hong Kong last week eating a whole truffle like an absolute idiot. http://vimeo.com/m/80522619

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

The airport is super crowded today! pic.twitter.com/W6ez919utx

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

Will Elan get a new flight? Will he make it home on time for Thanksgiving? Does anyone love him? All this and more coming up today!

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 28 Nov

I missed my flight home because I am a very smart man

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 27 Nov

I can't wait to be someone's ex-husband

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 27 Nov

It's really cute when exes want to "be friends" instead of "be murdered"

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 27 Nov

Here is a picture of me and a bald white guy that some of you care about pic.twitter.com/wRz6GWR9T0

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 27 Nov

This year I am thankful for all the incredible things I have done for others and how wonderful I am at being good at life

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 27 Nov

Guys I am super not thankful

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 27 Nov

I've made a lot of mistakes in my life and I want to take this opportunity to apologize for none of them

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 26 Nov

I don't want to be judged for my looks. Unless you think I'm super hot. If you think I'm super hot you can judge me

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 26 Nov

So wait are you sorry or are you not sorry? Oh my God this is all so confusing

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 25 Nov

The cab driver asked me what kind of job I can have with "all that hair" and I said I mostly just rob cab drivers

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 25 Nov

Hey New York friends. I'm here for a few days. We can maybe have a drink. Call me

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 25 Nov

I didn't have wifi for six minutes on this plane. It was actually pretty cool. It was like being in a huge time machine going to the past!

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 25 Nov

No one will pay me to tell you exactly what I think of you. I will do it for free

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 25 Nov

I love the new laws because I don't have to pretend to turn my phone off on airplanes anymore

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 25 Nov

Say "if you know what I mean" at the end of every sentence to be sure no one knows what you mean and you can't be held accountable

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 25 Nov

Every mother has a PhD in asking annoying questions

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 25 Nov

All I want to do in life right now is fill out an OKCupid profile because it would be hilarious

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 25 Nov

How much glitter should I wear to attract the right woman?

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 25 Nov

How you feel actually is the truth and anyone that tells you otherwise needs your approval. Don't give it to them

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 25 Nov

In a way, it's weird not to "like" your own Instagram photos

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 25 Nov

Most people who seek to inspire are hiding the fact that they are deeply unhappy and want you to live in a world of delusion with them :)

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 25 Nov

What's ur fav word to abbrev? Mine's probs totes

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 25 Nov

It's totally amazeballs that any adult would use that word

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 25 Nov

This is going to sound crazy but I have a terrible fear of flying. I always have. At one point, I didn't fly at all for 4 years

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 25 Nov

I'm on a plane again for the next 4 hours so expect a lot of tweeting and anxiety. I'm sorry to do this to you

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 25 Nov

I haven't made a good life decision in so long I don't even know how to recognize them anymore

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 25 Nov

Literally almost everything is a complete waste of time

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 25 Nov

Follow your heart. Follow it into your chest. Burrow in. Try hard to stop the bleeding. Die trying

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 25 Nov

What am I doing with my life?

Trevor S ‏@trevso_electric 24 Nov

If you can't handle me at my childish ultimatums then you don't deserve me at my found inspirational quotes.

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elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 24 Nov

Don't forget to mention that it's your "official Instagram account" or someone else may try to pretend they have your terrible life

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elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 24 Nov

It's always exciting when two shitty people fall in love because that way only two people will end up unhappy instead of four

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elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 24 Nov

Hey thin people in fast food commercials. Why are you lying?

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elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 24 Nov

The great thing about making the same mistakes over and over again is that eventually you'll become good at something

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elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 24 Nov

I'm watching Downton Abbey. No spoilers about how World War I ends please

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elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 24 Nov

My hobbies include working out, staying fit, eating healthy, and lying

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elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 24 Nov

I haven't been traveling enough so I'm coming to New York tomorrow to freeze my face off

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elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 24 Nov

If I give you my email when I meet you it means I am terrified by the idea of you having my phone number

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elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 24 Nov

1. Don't kill people. 2. Don't take out your nose ring in public. 3. Everything else is ok

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elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 24 Nov

3 days. 14,000 miles. Happy to be home

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elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 24 Nov

Ticket emergency averted. On a plane heading back to America. Can't wait to see you all again and kiss your beautiful faces and necks

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Michael ‏@MichaelColtonP 24 Nov

@theyearofelan

An old hairy beard..

Into beauty, such a sight

Cut, cut, snip, snip, yeah?

Retweeted by elan gale

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Scrad ‏@ColorMeScradd 23 Nov

Zihuatanejo is now just a five star resort full of drunk white kids on vacation. Andy Dufresne was beaten to death during spring break.

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elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 23 Nov

I just found a hair growing on my shoulder. I have six months to get married before it's totally hopeless

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elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 23 Nov

Just landed in Japan. My flight home is wrong. Everything is on the right track, as usual

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elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 23 Nov

Oh yeah looking like I just fell out of a tree takes no effort at all pic.twitter.com/cqWYbz5Bbe

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elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 23 Nov

I am a rebel pic.twitter.com/SZY4JSBDvh

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elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 23 Nov

This should be easy to find pic.twitter.com/xWAkDA8KKM

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Rob Fee ‏@robfee 21 Nov

Missions in the new Modern Mario game:

Help Princess promote her new blog

Teach Toad how to use Spotify

Buy Luigi only gluten-free mushrooms

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elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 23 Nov

Travel tip: don't fly to Asia for one day. It is a really bad idea

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elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 23 Nov

#36HoursInHongKong is coming to an end. Bedtime and up early to fly home tomorrow. Here's the skyline from Kowloon pic.twitter.com/ExYaW8wDgy

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 22 Nov

"Please don't go looking for French food in the third world. There's a life lesson from Peter." - @petermerelis #36HoursInHongKong

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 22 Nov

I would describe my lifestyle as "ironic nightmare"

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 22 Nov

Ate 4,000 dumplings. Now it's time for pretentious Ice Drip coffee at The Coffee Academïcs #36HoursInHongKong #pretentious #snob #blessed

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 22 Nov

Everything is going wrong. Cab driver got lost. Missed our morning train. Broken Octopus Cars. At least I found this pic.twitter.com/fn55DBiVsi

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 22 Nov

It's 8:30am on Saturday in Hong Kong. 25 hours before I head back to America. Time to go make something happen #36HoursInHongKong

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 22 Nov

Why can't I lose weight AND constantly eat and drink and lay around on the floor doing nothing? Life is so unfair

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 22 Nov

I left my iPad on the plane. If found please return it to hahaha nope I will never see it again #36HoursInHongKong

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 22 Nov

#36HoursInHongKong off to a great start. In the back of a cab, completely lost pic.twitter.com/y0V2aNER6C

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 22 Nov

22 hours later, this is a pleasant sight pic.twitter.com/TP0NhtuG0Q

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 22 Nov

Because of the exact time of day I have been experiencing sunset nonstop for the last six hours. It looks like this pic.twitter.com/963p39vl0f

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 21 Nov

I don't want to sound racist but all snowflakes look the same

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 21 Nov

Currently feeling very relaxed in this airplane bathroom pic.twitter.com/ErvKbaLsfq

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 21 Nov

Tinder: Find people around you by ignoring the people around you

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 21 Nov

Live each day as if it is your last because you never know when you could be viciously murdered by a roaming gang of cliches

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 21 Nov

I just re-installed snapchat and saw all the things strangers have been sending me and wow life is garbage

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 21 Nov

5 hours into this trip and I'm wishing somebody had told me that flying 8,000 miles for dinner was a stupid idea #36HoursInHongKong

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 21 Nov

The problem with me drinking on airplanes is I buy a lot of porcelain eagles from SkyMall

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 21 Nov

How I'm spending my time on the plane pic.twitter.com/e0y9j0vp90

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 21 Nov

I can't get Instagram to work on this plane as I fly over the Pacific Ocean and I plan on making a huge deal about it

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 21 Nov

"I'M VERY UPSET ABOUT EVERYTHING!" - crying baby on plane

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 21 Nov

In case anyone is wondering, I'm on a plane next to a screaming baby. The plane has wifi. I'm going to be a real jerk for the next 10 hours

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 21 Nov

A screaming baby walks into a bar. The bartender says shut up. The baby continues to cry because it doesn't know what is happening

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 21 Nov

If someone offers you a mint, just take it. You need it. Believe

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 21 Nov

When I land I will be doing #36HoursInHongKong and I hope you join me as I destroy my life/liver

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 21 Nov

People. I'm gonna be on an airplane for the next 17 hours or so. I will miss all of you for the majority of that time. Well, most of you

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 21 Nov

FaceTime is great because I can stare at myself while pretending to be interested in what others are saying

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 21 Nov

I'm about to go to Hong Kong for absolutely no reason. I have some real issues to work out, I think

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 21 Nov

I got so drunk last night I had an intentional conversation with a yoga instructor

dance blessed ‏@dance_blessed 21 Nov

Haters can't afford my moisturizer.

Retweeted by elan gale

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 20 Nov

I have a skin condition. All of my skin is unbelievably sexy

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 20 Nov

On my way to San Francisco. Secret project. Shhhhh

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 20 Nov

People boarding planes all look like newborn cows, horribly confused, trying to see the little numbers and find their place in the world

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 20 Nov

Don't hate the hater. Hate the hate. Stumble around in confusion

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 20 Nov

It's important to know that sometimes men fake orgasms

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 20 Nov

It's weird how ideas work. One second you think of something you couldn't think of a second before but nothing external has changed. Weird

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 20 Nov

An excellent pickup line pic.twitter.com/51UsuIO59y

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 20 Nov

Love is like the ocean: I am in it with endangered whales

Jamie Woodham ‏@jwoodham 19 Nov

Dance like no one is watching. Run like no one is watching. Eat like no one is watching. Welcome to being a human. No one cares about you.

Retweeted by elan gale

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 19 Nov

If I interrupt you it's probably in everyone's best interest

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 19 Nov

Facts and Opinions - How to Argue http://tmblr.co/ZhGbGw_vphWB

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elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 19 Nov

Things are about to get handsome “@BachelorABC: #TheBachelor premieres Monday, January 6 at 8|7c on ABC! pic.twitter.com/0NQkBTd4Gw”

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elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 19 Nov

Pretty cool that everything happens for a reason and that the whole world revolves around you!

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 19 Nov

Just ran into my high school girlfriend on the street. She exclaimed "I can't believe I recognized you. You look like garbage!"

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 19 Nov

If I was a celebrity I would call a press conference right now to confirm that I am officially out of almond milk

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 19 Nov

What's a good emoji to use to ask for a divorce?

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 19 Nov

If you're friends with everybody, you're friends with nobody

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 18 Nov

A better name for "extended family" is "people who expect things from you because their blood is similar"

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 18 Nov

If you haven't had a chance to read my brief description of what "unfollowing" means, you can do so here: http://theyearofelan.tumblr.com/post/67274297526/the-unfollow-dilemma …

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elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 18 Nov

Never lowers your standards. Lower your expectations of ever reaching your standards

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 18 Nov

Fashion Tip: you can wear the same great outfit every day as long as you kill all the people you've seen at the end of each day

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 17 Nov

Of course I'm watching my weight! I'm watching it spiral wildly out of control!

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 17 Nov

The Unfollow Dilemma - What unfollowing really means … http://tmblr.co/ZhGbGw_ft52s

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elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 17 Nov

A happy birthday to my good friend @SeanLowe09 - I waited til the last minute to pull this one out. Not a joke. Pulled out at last minute

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 16 Nov

The movie "Jobs" is actually just one of the parallel universes in "The Butterfly Effect"

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 16 Nov

When I get married I'm going to change my last name to something way cooler, like a picture of a wolf

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 16 Nov

Everything seems like such a good idea until you have to actually do it

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 15 Nov

Put a picture of your significant other on your Instagram to activate the breakup countdown clock

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 15 Nov

Tell me more about your hustle. Explain to me your grind

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 15 Nov

The best part about being single is that there is an entire world out there just waiting for an opportunity to disappoint and reject you

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 15 Nov

There are plenty of fish in the sea. None of them want to date you either

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 14 Nov

Mayor Rob Ford's wife is standing by him because there is literally no place on earth you can stand and not be by him

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 14 Nov

Hi, Adam Levine here for Proactiv. As a teenager my face was pimply and red. Some would say it was Maroon. 5 years later, I found Proactiv

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 14 Nov

Hi I'm Adam Levine here for Proactiv. If you use this product you will also make a billion dollars and have sex with many people

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 14 Nov

How terrible is it that people don't immediately disappear after you're done talking to them?

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 14 Nov

Attention Surplus Disorder -… http://tmblr.co/ZhGbGw_Q3XK0

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elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 14 Nov

My Glorious Death Kayak - How I want to go out when the time comes... http://tmblr.co/ZhGbGw_PkNLC

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elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 14 Nov

I bet you think all of my tweets are about you. Well, this one is. Congratulations on finally being right about something

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 14 Nov

It's important to remember that famous people are not always celebrities. Celebrities are famous people who are worthy of being celebrated

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 14 Nov

When you're in a relationship, you should never go to bed angry. You should just sit up and argue until you grow old and one of you dies

Brandon Gutermuth ‏@UNTRESOR 14 Nov

A more realistic serving size would be "until you hate yourself."

Retweeted by elan gale

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 13 Nov

I promise I'll stop looking at my phone the second you start being interesting

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 13 Nov

Our healthcare laws are longer than the Bible and most people who scream and shout about these things haven't actually read either

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 13 Nov

No one will take you seriously as an artist unless you have "passion" tattooed on your body

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 13 Nov

Show me one more YouTube video you like so I can murder you legally

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 13 Nov

To the person who wrote "Wash Me" on my car, you didn't leave any contact info. How am I supposed to find you? Also, why are you so dirty?

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 13 Nov

July - A story about a girl I dated a long time ago… http://tmblr.co/ZhGbGw_JZZ0a

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elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 13 Nov

Please don't get any of your swag on me

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 13 Nov

Pinterest is a great way to make sure your lover knows how expensive and inflexible your tastes are

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 13 Nov

The scars on your heart are your relationship souvenirs

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 12 Nov

Mumford and Sons is the sequel to Les Miserables

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 12 Nov

I would break up with myself if I could

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 12 Nov

America needs to go to war with Hashtagistan

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 12 Nov

I'm sorry I'm tweeting so much. I'm just on a downward madness spiral. I'm sure it will be fine

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 12 Nov

I don't know if people are inherently good or bad but I know they're terrible at driving

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 12 Nov

"Stop acting coy" he said. She just turned her head in disgust and swam away, turned off by his poor spelling

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 12 Nov

A restaurant is sexist unless it also offers a womenu

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 12 Nov

Every picture is a throwback unless you have a time machine camera

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 12 Nov

If you were really a hipster you'd be reading this on a vintage mahogany rotary phone

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 12 Nov

The internet has made everything accessible and also managed to make everything irrelevant

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 12 Nov

If you have a good mood that lasts more than 4 hours, see a doctor immediately to discuss a return to reality

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 12 Nov

I hate when people judge me for my terrible looks instead of my shitty personality

jomny sun ‏@jonnysun 12 Nov

a more acurate way to spell "cyclops" is "cyiclops" because it has one i

Retweeted by elan gale

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 12 Nov

I've had 87 cups of coffee hours of sleep

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 11 Nov

A lot of women fall in love with me for about a week or two and then they wake up and can't believe what a nightmare I am

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 11 Nov

I always get up early on Mondays so I can have ten seconds of peace before everyone starts complaining about Monday

Trevor S ‏@trevso_electric 10 Nov

If you take the 't' out of "Britney Spears" you have a really cute name for a pickle company.

Retweeted by elan gale

Rex Huppke ‏@RexHuppke 10 Nov

Top Whole Foods Cashier Names:

1) Moss

2) Quinoa

3) Doug (Son of Gandalf)

4) Goddessfireflylifechanger

5) 🌈

6) Zerp

7) Bon Iver

Retweeted by elan gale

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 10 Nov

Get your ugly sweaters ready for a whole season of terrible parties with quirky folk!

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 10 Nov

I don't actually remember meeting my parents so who knows if this whole thing is a lie

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 10 Nov

One thing everyone has in common is that they think they're unique

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 10 Nov

There is actually nothing worse to be around than a person with no real opinions

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 10 Nov

Febreze is strong enough to cover up the stench of a terrible relationship

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 10 Nov

I didn't have time to write out 'thank you' so I just wrote 'thx.' That's how much I wanted you to know I appreciate you

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 10 Nov

I'm totally emotionally unprepared for Christmas music

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 9 Nov

If you're rich or important your dog should never touch the ground. Disgusting

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 9 Nov

The hip new thing in Hollywood is to have your tiny dog surgically attached to your arm

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 9 Nov

My bologna has a first name. It has become sentient. It is threatening my family. This is my worst nightmare

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 8 Nov

How does Cee Lo hug?

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 8 Nov

Men are okay but guys are awful

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 8 Nov

Women are beautiful and sculpted perfectly by nature and men are just giant accidental meat heaps covered in hair

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 8 Nov

Actually, your tattoo says "regret" in Chinese

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 7 Nov

"I'm hungry" - Gandhi

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 7 Nov

Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, do you even remember me? I was very popular in my time

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 7 Nov

I'm sorry I lied to everyone. It is time to announce my true identity pic.twitter.com/g7hBTqksjG

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 7 Nov

If someone says "Let me be completely honest with you," the next thing out of their mouth is going to destroy you

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 7 Nov

I don't really like your photo. I just clicked so you know I saw it

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 7 Nov

Exclusive: You need a mint

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 7 Nov

What kind of face disease is that is a bad pickup line

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 7 Nov

End the fights about leaving the toilet seat up by removing the toilet seat and all people of the opposite gender from your life

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 7 Nov

90% of talent managers are actually opossums who have somehow printed business cards

Fred Delicious ‏@Fred_Delicious 7 Nov

Robin Thicke lay dormant at the bottom of the ocean covered in coral for 9,000 years before being awoken in 1926 by a scuba diving satanist

Retweeted by elan gale

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 7 Nov

Life is a prison and all the people are bars

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 7 Nov

4 out of 5 dentists agree that teeth are annoying little pieces of shit that require too much upkeep

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 6 Nov

The most commonly unasked question is "What happened to your eyebrows?"

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 6 Nov

If you have any criticisms for me I'm happy to know them as long as you place your head up your ass and scream loud enough for me to hear

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 6 Nov

Award show ratings are up 14,000% since people started making fun of awards shows on the internet

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 6 Nov

I am happy to announce the launch of Elancare. It's not a healthcare thing but if you want I'll hug you and tell you you're good

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 6 Nov

I enjoy watching sports but no matter how hard I try I simply cannot actually care about them

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 6 Nov

This is the most depressed I've been since Blockbuster Music fell

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 6 Nov

The carpet is red because it is embarrassed about what's going on with these Hollywood types

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 6 Nov

The real news is that there is an adult who goes by the name "Richie"

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 5 Nov

I've been doing no shave November for 156 months straight. Don't even look at me, newbies

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 5 Nov

Is it the look in your eyes, or is it the dancing Jews? Oy baby, I think I wanna marry you

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 5 Nov

It's pretty obvious the egg came first. I mean, that's where chickens come from. What a stupid question

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 5 Nov

James Franco's best acting role has been being John Mayer this whole time

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 5 Nov

"Ugh my pumpkin spice latte is taking forever" - The Unbearable Whiteness of Being

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 5 Nov

If you want to make someone angry tell them to cheer up

elan gale ‏@theyearofelan 4 Nov

Retweeting a compliment is like sending yourself a 'thank you' note after sex

Melissa Stetten ‏@MelissaStetten 4 Nov

"But I'm nothing like those typical LA guys." -every guy in LA

Retweeted by elan gale