By Lee Fox
🗣No one wants to be considered a boring or unpopular Facebook poster. Here are seven generic statuses you should avoid posting to keep from getting defriended and unsubscribed to.
7. How you are “forever alone”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Ugh! People on a constant pity-party.
🗣Lee Fox: If you’re feeling insecure about your dating life, it can be therapeutic to post about it to your friends and family. But lay off the hyperbolic statement of how you’ll “NEVER find someone.” Reality is, we all go through rough patches when it comes to love. Some of us even seem to be permanently stuck in the rough patches. But at the end of the day, saying you’ll ALWAYS be single is just unrealistic and will make your friends and family feel bad for you. It will even annoy some friends so much they’ll remove you from their page.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: And - for some of us, being single really doesn't suck.
🗣Lee Fox: 6. What you are eating and where you are eating it
When it comes to Facebook, one of the most annoying things you can see on your home page is people writing about the food they’re eating. Reality is, no matter how interesting you may be, no one cares what you ordered at The Olive Garden. Nothing about you eating is unique. Everyone does it, and it’s not exciting to read about.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Unless it's some home cooking you just feel like raving about. And this is by far not the most annoying type of status update, not by a long shot.
🗣Lee Fox: 5. The amount of days to Halloween
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Ugh! Yeah, that is annoying.
🗣Lee Fox: Okay, we get it – you hate all holidays most people enjoy like Christmas and Valentine’s Day, so to show your disdain and how “alternative” you are, you post the amount of days until your “favorite” holiday, Halloween. Problem is, countless horror movie lovers, goths, and vampire fans have beaten you to the punch on this status. It’s gotten boring, and you’re not cool for posting it. Avoid this status to keep from seeing your friends list go down.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Hahaha! No kidding.
🗣Lee Fox: 4. Directly quoting friends
Did your friend tell an inside joke that you and your friends thought was hilarious? Congratulations and good for you guys, but don’t clog up my news feed with posts I won’t understand. Posting a friend’s quote from earlier in the night is almost a desperate way of saying, “Look, I have friends!” Don’t be so insecure that you need to indirectly plug your social life.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Ditto for the insufferable "Friendiversary" meme statuses! Worst Facebook trend ever!
🗣Lee Fox: 3. How Republicans are backwards and evil
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, that will definitely get you a cold shoulder from me.
🗣Lee Fox: So you’ve figured out that Republicans don’t share the same views as progressive college students — bravo. I personally don’t like the Republican party, but what I hate even more is when I see my Facebook friends spewing out generic liberal propaganda about how corrupt the right wing is. Facebook should not be a place for politics — especially when you’re spitting out garbage that any 18 year old with half a brain could come up with.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: ditto for those on the right/center reposting virals that oppose liberalism. I don't like the democrat party, but I - well, you get the idea. Just don't oppose the left with memes.
🗣Lee Fox: 2. Quotes from The Dark Knight or The Dark Knight Rises, or Song Lyrics from The Script
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Ugh! In two words, enough already!
🗣Lee Fox: Seriously guys, learn how to be original. Super hero movies are cool, but I don’t need to relive every notable quote from them 300 times. And a note to teenage girls — songs on the radio that attempt to be more club dance tunes almost always suck. The Script is the perfect example. There’s nothing “deep” about lyrics like “when a heart breaks no it don’t break even.”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Argh! Yes, please, no more movie/cartoon character/TV show quotes! *Facepalm* I - don't get it, don't want it, have seen too many requotes already, I'm not going to bite and ask what that was all about, nor have I EVER gone and watched some movie or song anyone tried to promote with a quote. If I want movie/song/whatever quotes, I'll just listen to the song, watch the show/movie, you get the idea. So, please, please, just stop with the random quotes, whether from movies, or from your friends, heck any status that just seems to come out of nowhere with no explanation just seems like a huge attention-seek to me.
🗣Lee Fox: 1. How you’re deactivating your account
Planning on leaving Facebook for a while or permanently? You’ll be back. Everyone always is. So PLEASE, spare us the theatrics of your back-and-forth decision. Almost no one likes Facebook drama, but I can guarantee that NO ONE cares about Facebook drama that YOU create.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: No kidding! Sheesh, that sort of thing went on back on email lists, and it got to the point where it was like "Whatever, I'm not going to get on my cyber-knees and grovel for you to stick around only for you to stick around and contribute nothing, only to put on another big whinge when nobody pays attention to you. This passive-aggressive stuff irritates the living tar out of me! More than anyone knows!
But there is a facebook meme that really is making me leave Facebook, just short of actually closing down my account. The only reason that account is there is because I have no other way of maintaining contact with everyone on my FB friend list.
The worst thing FB has ever done is the friendiversary! It started out as a video status meme. Then it mutated to include other forms of status post. I had to stop checking out people's videos because of this stupid meme. Now I have to avoid checking people's statuses as well. Facebook just isn't fun any more.
With that, and all the re-shared "memories" Facebook has become a giant chain letter mill, that's even worse now than it was back in the annoying Zynga game heyday.
Comment options: