Elf on a Shelf 1

Creepy mom and revolting kid.

Edited for language.

* * *

CP: It's Christmas time,

Ocean Elf: Well, considering the time this was posted was December 10, 2014, that was pretty much the case. But even in the off season, any Christmas elf who goes rogue and does something really stupid wouldn't want to meet me in a dark alley at night.

CP: and my mom wanted to start a new tradition.

Ocean Elf: Sometimes new traditions end up being pretty cool. And sometimes not. It all depends.

CP: Of course she had to make it “Elf on a Shelf”.

Ocean Elf: Which you weren't impressed with. I can already tell that much.

CP: I wasn't too enthusiastic about the idea,

Ocean Elf: No kidding.

CP: but she knew that I wouldn't go for just a hidden elf.

Ocean Elf: Uh, that's because Easter is the time to hide things, eggs, candy, etc. Christmas, not so much.

CP: So my mom made it a murdering elf.

Ocean Elf: Huh? What...The heck? Why? Just - why? With all due respect, but you are either lying or you've got a seriously weird mom. "Here's this cute little elf, and BTW, I think it would be kinda cool if he was a killer." ... - The heck!?

CP: Why the flare not, right?

Ocean Elf: Because it's deranged, that's why not. And if you got an elf that's willing to go along with this because he/she is just that deranged, and yes, elves run the same gamut of emotions, traits and character flaws as anyone...So, put it this way, your mom is looking for trouble.

CP: It's already creepy enough looking already.

Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes* First, clowns are creepy, then furbies, now elves. What next, puppies and kittens? Sea otters? Ducklings?

I'm out of patience with you "Everything is creepy!" wusses.

CP: But that's not it.

Ocean Elf: I'd think it's actually the idea that one of you thought it would be cool to make as if this is a murderer Christmas elf.

CP: She put post-it notes on the elf and they were clues to find the “victims” of the elf.

Ocean Elf: Pity any elf who would get stuck with that job. Pun intended. Seriously though, this is messed up. It's clear somebody's forgotten completely what Christmas is really about.

I can see this working if it was a goblin and you people were making believe various little action figure dolls were stashed around the house - heck, it could even be made into a Halloween night Easter Egg hunt, only instead of Easter Candy, naturally, every kid would get to find an action figure, with the goblin maybe getting to be a decoration in a window along with a Jack O'Lantern.

But Christmas? No. The idea doesn't fit unless you want to re-enact Herod and the slaughter of the innocents, and that's just sick.

CP: She knew I was horrible at finding things, so this was for her amusement.

Ocean Elf: *Grimace* What kind of nut is this lady? She's the sort I wouldn't even leave a pet gerbil with let alone a child.

CP: I was completely against it.

Ocean Elf: So am I. It's not a new tradition, it's insanity.

CP: I hated the idea,

Ocean Elf: Yeah, generally if you hate something, you're against it. Redundancy..

CP: but she insisted that I do it.

Ocean Elf: That's stupid.

CP: Well, insisting turned into forcing.

Ocean Elf: Stupid and abusive. *Scowl*

CP: I'm happy now though…

Ocean Elf: Well yeah, Christmas 2014 has been over with for quite some time.

CP: This elf is my best friend.

Ocean Elf: I hope that's because your mom stopped with the stupidity and just let you and this elf be, with your own, hopefully better make-believe ideas.

CP: You probably think I'm crazy right now, right?

Ocean Elf: You haven't shown enough of your personality for me to make that kind of judgment...yet...

CP: Just… just hear me out.

Ocean Elf: Then out with it.

CP: I… I am holding my mother's heart, and her lifeless body lying at my feet.

Ocean Elf: Okay, I was right to withhold judgement. I don't think you're crazy. I think you're DESPICABLE!

CP: I was ecstatic.

Ocean Elf: *Scowl* Which just goes to show your reluctance at this whole idea in the beginning makes no sense. With your disgusting personality, you should've been thrilled at the idea of a murdering Christmas elf.

CP: No more mother,

Ocean Elf: And no more you, eventually..........

CP: and someone, or someTHING that felt the same about her.

Ocean Elf: No, that's all you... Unless your elf friend is a Laughing Jack wanna-be.

CP: I hope we have the same takes on people;

Ocean Elf: We don't. I hope you get locked up.

CP: There are a lot of people I don't like at school.

Ocean Elf: Tough. School is one of those things everybody had to put up with.Get used to it. Yes, they do have school in juvie, too. And your elf pal is going to really get it one of these days.


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