The Alan Attack From Jeff the Killer vs. Jane the Killer 1


💩Jeff: Killing is too easy.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Scowl* Only for a conscienceless heap of trash like you...!

💩Jeff: Especially for me with a face that stuns people with its beauty.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Wrong! *Scowl* You and Randy just happened to be in among a bunch of inexplicably slow people, including Jane A., even before you did your stupid face-hack thing.

1. Beauty is merely in the eye of the beholder.

2. Beauty is way over-rated.

3. you are not even beautiful - at all...!

4. You are vain.

5. You are conceited.

6. You are arrogant.

7. You are selfish.

8. You are an unattractive, spoiled brat.

9. You are a sadist!

10. You are scum.

💩Jeff: I open the window, jump inside, and the civilians just stop in their tracks when they see me.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: But you haven't met anybody outside of Slo-mo Town yet.When you do, you will get a vastly different perspective. One from the bottom of a ditch.

💩Jeff: I always mutter my “Go to Sleep” in an attack.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: I already know that, Jeffrey... *Scowl*

💩Jeff: Killing is a lot easier when the person is asleep.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Look, Jeffrey, anything that involves inflicting pain or death is easy *for you* on the choice-making end of it. I don't care about the technical part of it. You are scum.

💩Jeff: Why do i kill?

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Because you're a sadistic, depraved, "beauty"-obsessed scumbag... I'm not going to accept any excuses from you. The short answer is that you kill because you love killing... Period.

💩Jeff: Simple. I want everyone to be as beautiful as me.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: That's just an excuse, and you are "beauty"-obsessed. The only so-called "beauty" you actually care about is your own, which doesn't exist. You killed your parents because they were frightened by your stupid ugly DIY hacked out face.

💩Jeff: Everyone in modern society is ugly and unattractive compared to me,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Wrong. Anyone except your fellow pasta creeps slender man, Laughing Jack, Jess The Killer etc. fair better than you on the appearance scale, and everybody who is not sadistic, surpasses you in beauty in every sense of the word, to an infinite degree.

💩Jeff: and i feel bad for them,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: "I feel so bad for you that I have to kill you." Yeah, I always knew you were hopelessly stupid, Jeffrey. Why don't you just admit you're deranged and you're addicted to terrorizing and having power over people, and killing? and you can drop the stupid "beauty" thing already. You only care about yourself, how "beautiful" you think you are and you want everyone else to think, and what thrill you can get at others' expense.

💩Jeff: so i give them a piece of my beauty.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: "Beauty" nothing. You don't give anybody anything, you just take take take... Life being the ultimate take of them all. those you either chickened out of killing to avoid getting caught, or you were just taunting for the sick thrill of it, you took peace of mind, happiness,and loved ones. All worth everything, especially when measured against your worthless version of "beauty".

💩Jeff: However, beauty comes with a price.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: No actually, it doesn't. I'm not going to go on about real priceless beauty and how and where it can be found, because you're far too twisted and dense to get it.

But you will be very sorry you ever mentioned the word 'price'.

💩Jeff: The only way to make people beautiful without causing them pain is to kill them.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Wrong, absolutely wrong. You don't kill people painlessly, you use terror, knives, and sometimes fire.

and I'm not going to indulge you in any more talk about "beauty" because you have no idea of the first thing about it, and no more prattling from you on it is going to justify or excuse anything from you...

💩Jeff: Killing was too easy around that time.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Because being your disgusting sadistic self, you got bored and wanted to get people in positions of panic.. as some sort of power-tripping entertainment for you. *Glare*

💩Jeff: I needed more of a challenge.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Gets gold star off shelf and puts it with rest of mondo collection, rolling eyes at Jeff* Oh, you are SOOOOOOO predictable...!

But you know what? You haven't been really challenged yet, other than mentally, that is. And challenge is something else you will regret wanting. It goes hand in hand with that price thing you will also regret.

💩Jeff: So, one night i decided to end one last easy target then head for the most challenging foe of mine. Jane.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: No. You faked out Jane first, then went for your "easy target" then you planned to seek out Jane again and try to kill her.

But you do not know your strongest foe. You don't even know how many foes are out there. *Baleful stare*

💩Jeff: I sat in the sewers during the day and watched the people pass by, completely oblivious to my presence below the sewer grate.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Well, that's lovely, not only are you DIY ugly, but you're truly stinky too.

💩Jeff: I always lurk down there.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Nice to know, Jeffrey.

💩Jeff: It’s dark, cold, and damp.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: The perfect place for you. It would serve you right to get lost down there.

💩Jeff: Plus, it gives me the perfect window to set my eyes on my target.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Scowl* What you don't realize is some of us have been keeping our eyes on you, who have become a target yourself.

💩Jeff: Then, i found her.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: You will find one "her"in time, who will make you wonder why you ever thought being Jeff The Killer was such a good idea. And that "her" won't be Jane.

💩Jeff: Mary J. Allan.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Whom you know from where exactly?

💩Jeff: She was beautiful.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Glare* You and your ruddy freaking "beautiful". Shut it, you disgusting peeper! You should've left her alone.

💩Jeff: Perfect skin,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Irritated scowl* Skin is skin. As long as it's healthy, who cares? You're the last person who should... You are not a dermatologist...

💩Jeff: dark red hair,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: You are not a hair stylist, you're a serial killer. So you have no right to speak of admiration of anything to me...

However, you have just given me more ammo against you.

💩Jeff: and dressed in a black gown with black heels.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Nice stat. More ammo.

💩Jeff: Later that night, I followed her home.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Like the disgusting stalker and killer you are. *Scowl*

💩Jeff: She lived deep in the woods,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: How unlikely. What on earth would someone coming from the woods, put on a gown and heels to go into the city, and for what purpose? Only to go back into the woods later that night? Your story doesn't make sense.

But it does give me even more ammo.

💩Jeff: so, thinking she was protected from robbers, she left her door unlocked.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: So you just - opened the door and barged in as if you thought you owned the place, I know. *Scowl* You actually have no idea what she thought or why she left her door unlocked. You just assumed, so you could try getting out of responsibility for what you did by saying it was her own fault for leaving the door unlocked.

Won't work with me, Jeffrey. *Piercing stare*

💩Jeff: At around midnight,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh of course, that's supposed to make everything so much more sinister somehow. Any time you do something, it's wrong, Jeffrey...

💩Jeff: i snuck in the house,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Like the slinking slimy coward you are... You are not invited in anywhere, because you are not welcome. So you resort to this.

💩Jeff: creeped to the back room,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Because that's what you are, a creep.

💩Jeff: and choked Mary until she passed out.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Glare of disgust at Jeff* Because you thought she'd be more "beautiful strangling and struggling until she couldn't breathe, I suppose. *Spits at Jeff*

💩Jeff: One thing that caught my attention was her eyes.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Glare* Of course. Because you think the look of terror in somebody's eyes is "beautiful". *Spits at Jeff again*

💩Jeff: When she turned around before i grabbed her neck, her eyes widened with fear.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Continues glaring* Which you thought was beautiful, a turn-on, whatever. You disgusting piece of filth! *Spits at Jeff again*

💩Jeff: Her pupils grew large and her iris dimmed.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Look, stupid, I do have some idea what fearful eyes look like. *Glares at Jeff*

💩Jeff: Not long after, her husband arrived home.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Continues baleful glare at Jeff* And you really thought it was party time, because you get off on torturing/killing people especially when their loved ones get to see without being able to save them! I *HATE* YOU! *Spits at Jeff again*

💩Jeff: I took my knife in hand

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Ah yes, your precious little security knife, you just can't go anywhere without that knife. *Sneer*

💩Jeff: and hid behind the door entering the bedroom.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Because you're a coward who wanted to surprise him with something horrible. *Glares and spits at Jeff again*

💩Jeff: As soon as he walked into the doorway, i slammed the door into his face with enough force to knock him out.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: You can't knock somebody out with a door, you tool.

💩Jeff: A few hours later,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: I know, you had killed them...

💩Jeff: they both woke up.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: So then you terrorized and killed them... *Glares* If they were out that long, they shouldn't have been able to awaken. and you must've been just itching/aching/salivating for a terror fix real bad to be hanging around, hoping they were just unconscious and not dead.

Your intent is disgusting and your story doesn't add up.

💩Jeff: “Who are you? Why are doing this to us? We have no money and nothing worth stealing.” said Mary.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Huh? I wouldn't have asked you who you were. I would've said much at all. I would've picked up some weapon of opportunity and beat the living daylights right out of you, then with any luck, you'd be knocked too silly to defend yourself, then I'd have you confined somehow, then would report you for attempted criminal activity. But Mary is apparently far too nice to you, as is everyone else, even though no one wants you around.

💩Jeff: “I’m not doing this for money.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Spoken like the self-important loser you are. Of course you're not doing it for money, you're doing it for the thrill, to get your sick kicks, but you'll try to excuse that with "I'm doing it for beauty" again. *Rolling eyes*

💩Jeff: I’m doing this for beauty.” I said.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: BINGO! Yeah, I nailed it right on the head again. Your head, Jeffrey. *Gets another gold star off shelf and puts it with ridiculously massive collection*

that excuse still doesn't fly, Jeffrey. You think yourself so beautiful. You care only about yourself. So it would actually make sense if you didn't want anyone else supposedly rivalling you in your so-called "beauty"... Which would actually give you an actual vanity-oriented motive to kill, along with it just being a sick hobby of yours... Your claim is a farce.

and while you're strutting your stuff and blowing hot air over "beauty" these people should be springing into action. They should be tackling you to the ground and not giving you a chance to finish your stupid speech, let alone use your stupid knife.

💩Jeff: “What? What kind of reason is that?” asked the husband.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Facepalm* It's like I keep saying, everybody's in slo-mo and unthinking. They're in mortal danger and still they're taking the time to try to reason with this creep. It makes no sense.

💩Jeff: I put the knife to his neck, and he jumped with sudden fear.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Headdesk* Why? Just - why wasn't this fear his initial reaction? Why didn't it put him in immediate fight mode?

💩Jeff: His eyes. They did just what Mary’s did. They widened, the pupils grew larger, and the iris dimmed.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Look, stupid, I'm not interested in your enthralled descriptions of people suddenly in fear of you. I'm not frightened by your reaction to seeing it. I'm disgusted with you. So shut up!

💩Jeff: “A good reason.” i said, chuckling.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Wrong. It's not even a good excuse, let alone a reason.

And next chuckle out of your mouth will cost you dearly...Eventually. You don't know when, how, or whom will administer what you have coming to you... *Menacing glare*

💩Jeff: “Now, let’s give you a smile.”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Wrong again, Jeffrey. Not a smile. You only know how to give one thing - suffering. No smiles...

💩Jeff: I stabbed the man in his left cheek and carved into him all the way to his mouth.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Baleful glare* of course you did. *Spits at Jeff* But that's not a smile, you bloody fool, it's a hack-out job, one he didn't even ask for! You are vile!

And why the heck he and his wife just stood around and let you go crazy with your stupid knife I'll never understand.

💩Jeff: His screams of pain only brought joy to my ears.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Glower* And eventually your own downfall, which will not be joy to you... *Spits at Jeff again*

💩Jeff: I carved the other cheek and stood in front of Mary.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Who you somehow managed to stun into submission as well.

It will not be so with those who bring you down...

💩Jeff: “Your turn.” i said, stabbing her right cheek, and dragging the knife all the way to her other cheek.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: You will not want "Your turn" being said to you, Jeffrey, but it will be... and then you will lose your stupid little security knife, and your ugly DIY face-hack, among other things... *Glare*

💩Jeff: “There, step one of your make-over is complete.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Not a makeover, Jeffrey, it's called mutilation! Idiot!

💩Jeff: Now for your skin.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Glare* Forget that. It's time you got seriously worried about your own worthless skin!

💩Jeff: But first, let’s call the police, shall we?” I said, picking up the phone and dialing 9-1-1. I reported the crime and hung up.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Glare* Because you wanted to taunt the police as part of your stupid challenge/thrill-seeking and because you thought they were too slow and too stupid to catch you... It's all a bunch of entertainment for you and people are in pain and losing their lives because of your exceedingly selfish lusts for sick entertainment and vanity. Oh, and of course, power and control. *Spits at Jeff again* Jeffrey, you are utterly hated.

💩Jeff: I then took a bottle of bleach from their bathroom and poured the entire bottle onto them.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Of course you did, because you are exactly like Keith.. and Randy.

But bleach won't whiten their skin permanently. New skin will grow back when they heal up after the monstrous stuff you did - if they survive.

which is more than you can hope for when your downfall comes.

💩Jeff: I then lit a match,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Of course you did, because you are a carbon copy of Keith and you already tried that sick trick with Jane Arkensaw...

💩Jeff: but decided not to light them on fire.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Because you just wanted to make them think you would, so they'd plead for their lives or for death to be more merciful than being burned... Don't think for a moment, Jeffrey, that I haven't already figured *that* out too! *Withering glare and spits at Jeff*

💩Jeff: Why?

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Because see freaking above!

You claimed early on that you thought the way to make people beautiful without pain was to put them to sleep.

You failed!

You haven't made anyone beautiful, and all you've caused is pain!

💩Jeff: Because i’m going to need this place for my battle with Jane, of course.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: You will never see Jane again... You already pranked her to a different house. The real reason you have to leg it out of here is because the police are on their way if you actually did call 911 as a taunt. So in that respect, you got one over on Jane twice in one night.

But you will not get anything over on those who will bring you down.

💩Jeff: To replace burning them, i decided to cut out their hearts, instead.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: of course you did, because you already did that with Jane's parents and your own, because you are that vile. Only you didn't just cut out their hearts, you completely gutted them... *Burning glare* Disgusting!

💩Jeff: I started with Mary

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: of course you did. And then you finished with her husband, whose first name we still don't know...

And the police should be breaking in right about now.

💩Jeff: and plunged my knife deep into her chest.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Well duh, Jeff, no, really? You mean you didn't stab her in the heart by shooting her in the leg with a water gun? sheesh, talk about pointing out the obvious! *Sneer*

💩Jeff: I used all of my might to cut a hole in her

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf:Well I didn't think you did that with only your baby finger. Look, stupid, I'm not impressed or scared...!

💩Jeff: and rip out her heart.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: No, really? and here I thought you were panning for gold! *Sneer* Give it up, Jeffrey, you will never move me to anything but contempt...! *Withering glare*

💩Jeff: Blood was all over the floor

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: No crap, Captain Obvious! *Facepalm* Shut your putrescent hole already!

💩Jeff: and Mary was dead,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: That's what generally happens when somebody's heart stops functioning, stupid!

💩Jeff: but the man

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Who should've taken action and beat your trash arse as soon as he laid eyes on you...! Still should after what you did to Mary...!

💩Jeff: was still living.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: I know that, stupid! But you're going to tell me all about how you killed him in agony, and I'll continue to hate you!

💩Jeff: His screams and cries only motivated me to kill him more painfully than his wife.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: !!!!!!!!!!!!! *Stuff goes flying* Oh, you are so bloody freaking predictable! *Burning glower*

💩Jeff: “Stop, please, i’ll do anything you want me to. Just please, don’t kill me.” he said.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Looks fit to kill, unable to come up with anything coherent, fuming!*

💩Jeff: “There’s nothing you can do now.” i said as i plunged my knife into his chest,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: If he and Mary hadn't been caught up in slow-mo, they could've overpowered and beat you to a pulp! And you would've deserved it! *Acid glare*

💩Jeff: but slower than Mary

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Blahblahblahblahblahblah - SHUT - UP!!

💩Jeff: and i made sure that i twisted the blade as it went.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Yadda yadda yadda! I - said - SHUT - UP, Stupid! *Glowers and spits at Jeff again*

💩Jeff: Before i could begin cutting the hole,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Hey craphead! You already cut a hole, stupid! You just said you did already!

💩Jeff: the body went limp.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Thank goodness for heart attacks I guess...

💩Jeff: “Well that’s no fun.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Glare* If you want "fun" you will get it! No guarantees you will like it!

💩Jeff: You can’t just die before i’m done killing you.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Look, stenchface! He can die whenever he's ready to die! So shut up and stop your freaking idiotic whining, Jeffrey!

💩Jeff: Oh well,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh well nothing! Shut up!

💩Jeff: it only gives me more time to prepare for my battle with Jane.” i said.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: No. You are not battling Jane. You will never see Arkensaw again...

💩Jeff: I cleaned the blood off of my blade

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Cleaning your stupid knife doesn't get rid of the crime scene or all the evidence, coward...!

💩Jeff: and got myself mentally prepared for the battle,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Which isn't saying much since you are unarmed in the whit department. You will not battle Jane Arkensaw.

💩Jeff: for i knew that Jane would be listening to the police radios.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: which you somehow tapped into illegally, first throwing her and them off the trail to your dummy crime scene, but then you called in the real one, which the police should've arrived at long ago.

💩Jeff: About 3 minutes later,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: As if you actually kept time... Right...

💩Jeff: I heard the front door of the house burst open. ‘This is it.’ i thought. I equipped my knife and caught Jane’s attention by tapping faintly on the window.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: No. You did that at your fake-out scene. You tried the same trick here, but it wasn't Jane at the door...

💩Jeff: A few seconds later, the doorknob turned,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Wrong. They don't burst in, with the door knob only turning a few seconds afterwords. You stupid brat!

💩Jeff: and the door opened.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: And you bolted out the back.

Well, you got away from the police - again, and you got away from Arkensaw, and from Richardson.

But you will not get away from those who will bring you down...!

*Menacing glare*

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