On March 24, 2013, Camille the killer was created and posted on the crappypasta site by an admin of creepypasta, who goes by the handle of derpbutt. crappypasta . com /camille-the-killer/
Camille Story: This is a shirt story,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Splutters* A 'shirt' story? Well, that's bound to get interesting in a hurry.
👧🏻Camille Story: behind jeff the killer way behind.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Urgh. Another Jeffrey Sue! as if Jane wasn't already bad enough.
👧🏻Camille Story: Jeff never knew that he had a long lost cousin she was in good health
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: So, Camille's Sue-ness has just been firmly established. Long lost relative of some famous, or in the case of the pastas, notorious character. Check.
👧🏻Camille: I am Camille the killer
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Scowl* Don't expect any fear or friendliness from me. And you can just refer to me as Ocean Elf.
👧🏻Camille: it all started when jeff became a killer.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Actually it started when Jeff was spawned.
👧🏻Camille: I was heartbroken knowing that my lover didnt love me he was only a silhouette of my true love knowing that he had cheated on me and spat me out made me feel glum and blue and feel like crap.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Huh? You weren't heartbroken because Jeffrey turned evil nuts and killed his parents and went rampaging to kill others as well. It's all there. All you did was moan on about some silly unrequited love.
👧🏻Camille: So I went down to the creek to sob
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes* If you had not introduced yourself as "Camille The Killer" I might've felt some sympathy for you... But - ...
👧🏻Camille: I went down and I saw a strange gas like form of creature it looked at me. “I screamed but it had already got me I was stiff and controlled he absorbed all my blood leaving only a little left and the blood that he took made my eyes black and soulless.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, wow, another soulless-eyed sue. I'm starting to think those weird eyes are a family trait that only some in Jeffrey's family get, and these would be the people who are already bad seeds from the get-go, like you and Jeffrey. This whole eye thing doesn't effect the normal humans who have the misfortune to be related to the likes of you. But the thing is, Jeffrey went through all kinds of weird trauma to get his black and ringed eyes. All you had to do was get a broken heart over some boy and that experience was so utterly profound that it gave you black soulless eyes. Oh, come on. And if this was a gas attack, why did you give it a gender?
👧🏻Camille: I got away and ran as fast as I could the.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Way to end a sentence. So you outran some gas. Was that before or after you discovered your eyes were black soulless voids?
👧🏻Camille: Suddenly I fainted
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: How would you know? By all accounts I've heard, when people faint, they aren't aware of it until someone else tells them about it after they come to.
👧🏻Camille: when I woke up I found myself in bed. But I had noticed there was black liquids over my pillow and bed sheet it was to cold to be mud and it was black like night.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Um Camille? Mud can be pretty cold. Near ice cold in early spring. So, whatever this weird gross black stuff is, I'll put in my 2 cents here and say it was too cold and black for blood, which is what I was expecting you to say. My guess is that you were doused with liquid hate. That's the stuff that disreputable science outfit pumped into Jane The Killer, that made her Jane The Killer. Black soulless eyes and all.
👧🏻Camille: Then my window flung open and then I saw Jeff. “Your the killer!!! Get away from me! ” I cried.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Eh? But I thought you wanted to be a killer yourself. That's what the title says anyway.
👧🏻Camille: And in a mad voice he said to me,”you have realised you are immortal right”he said.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: So whatever happened to "Go to slip?" And as if Jeffrey could even determine or decide such thing let alone make it happen, oh please. Jeffrey's hobby is killing, and last I checked, that doesn't amount to making people immortal. I'm not talking afterlife, I mean immortal as in literally living forever in the current, unaltered form here on earth.
As for this "mad voice" thing, are you talking mad as in angry, or mad as in cray cray? there is a voice for one, not the other. Crazy is not a mood or a tone of voice.
👧🏻Camille: “That’s impossible” I said.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Well you are right about one thing, congrats.
👧🏻Camille: ” that liquid is tears, soul tears only pure immortals cry that, from confusion and sadness
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Balderdash. That liquid is too cold for tears too, and everybody who cries and is not just turning on the tears without actually meaning it, is crying soul tears. Immortal has nothing to do with it. If you're overcome with emotion and you cry, you are crying soul tears.
👧🏻Camille: plus if you want to make love” he said.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Grimace&disgusted scowl* Ewwwww! Not that you'd care or anything, Jeffrey, but she's your cousin for crying out loud! Is that how you treated everyone else after killing them too? *Glower* Violating them after death - I wouldn't put it past you! *Looks fit to kill something* You're really gonna get it in the neck!
And this is one of those times that would surely make JTK's actual creator very uncomfortable.
👧🏻Camille: “IM NOT IMMORTAL B—H!” I screamed.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Neither of you are.
👧🏻Camille: “We’ll let’s test that out” he said as he grabbed his knife and stabbed me in the heart.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: So you're not immortal, you're dealive.
👧🏻Camille: It didnt even hurt!
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: So, you aren't capable of feeling physical pain either, are you also related to Toby Aaron Rogers? He has that same condition.
Even though you claim not to have felt it, Jeffrey is still going to get it in the neck.
👧🏻Camille: “What, OMG!!!” I screamed, “i am… Immortal that’s awesome”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: You are whacked.
👧🏻Camille: “You now are higher than me, smile dog and the rest except the slender family they rule!!” He said
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: There is no Slender family, there is Slender the slaver and his collection of slaves. That includes the sick Slender Mary Sue characters and fangirls. And I had Slender Man destroyed. But then, Jeffrey, you never understood or appreciated what family is, if you can kill your own parents… As for being higher than you, real people will always be higher than pasta creeps, period.
👧🏻Camille: “Now come with me we have to train you to become a nightmare Camille”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes* So now Jeffrey has fangirls and a dealive cousin following him around like puppy dogs. *Scorn*
As for that boy who didn't notice or just rejected Camille, I suppose she'd be itching to get revenge on him. That's what wounded-hearted dealive girls do.
👧🏻Camille: And that’s it i am still
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: no, Camille, that's what you had.
👧🏻Camille: well follow me on instagram @camillethekiller
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Why would I do that? I don't even have an instagram and see no need for it.
👧🏻Camille: Don’t go to sleep, you won’t wake up
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Bull. I go to sleep and wake up from it all the time. No little fictitious crumb like you can change that.
👧🏻Camille: Unless I kill you first…
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Which you can't do, because you're a fictitious dealive little freak, and if someone real killed me, I wouldn't wake up.
But - you just made a death threat. That is a very quick way to get on my craplist, Camille...And that isn't a nice place to be.
* * *
The best comment this cruddypasta got as of this reading was the following. (Edited for language.)
November 7, 2013 at 10:49 pm
CRAPPYPASTA BREAKDOWN TIME! ‘
This is a shirt story’ – A story about shirts? f--- yes. I like shirts. You ever wonder ‘well then, operator, why do you wear a suit?’ The answer is company policy.
‘I am Camille the killer’ – THIS ISN’T A SHIRT STORY! THIS ISN’T WHAT I DIDN’T PAY FOR!
‘I was heartbroken knowing that my lover didnt love me’ Wow, cliched female character that’s in love with Jeff the Killer? WHAT AN INNOVATIVE TWIST!
‘”you have realised you are immortal right”he said’ So, a dangerous serial killer drops by your door, just to tell you that you’re immortal? How nice of him, taking time out of his busy murder schedule to do that.
‘“What, OMG!!!” I screamed, “i am… Immortal that’s awesome”’ So, you just got shanked through the stomach by a serial killer, and you’re just going ‘oh that’s awesome omg’? If it was me, I would have FLIPPED THE f--- OUT right about now.
‘“You now are higher than me, smile dog and the rest except the slender family they rule!!”’ UNNECESSARY PASTA NAMEDROPPING. STRAIGHT TO KETER DUTY.
‘“Now come with me we have to train you to become a nightmare Camille”’ – And that’s it? You just go with him? You’ve just been stabbed, found out you’re immortal, fainted and had 90% of your blood leeched out and you’re just happy to go with him and become a serial killer?
What the flare is wrong with you?
This was, without a doubt, one of the worst self-insert Slendertwilights yet.
ONE OUT OF TEN.
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