🧝‍♀️ 🐨


Jeff The Killer, CPWikia 2015 Rewrite As Jeff Flare

🐨Bloody Mary: *Sigh* Well, apparently good things just don't last. Jeff was banned from the CP wiki for a year, and then someone rewrote it, and it was accepted.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: WTH!? Aaaaaaaagh! *Scowl*

🐨Mary: Mangling coming up.

Edited for language.


📖CPWikia: Jeff Flare

Written by K. Banning Kellum

Published December 6th, 2015

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: As in, just when you think he's been not only mangled all to heck, and banned from the wiki, there is another flare-up. I can't help thinking that was probably due to pressure from the fandom.


📖CPWikia: The day Jeffrey Woods and his family arrived at their new home,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes* Oh, they're going with this 'Woods' bit again.

Thing is, I think that Woods idea came from Nina Woods The Killer, a uber Jeff Mary sue story, and since Slender Man lives in the woods, two reasons right there why this last name people keep tacking on, sucks.

Jeff's family name is not Woods. It's Hotek.

📖CPWikia: the sky was overcast and the weather was muggy. The gray skies seemed to punctuate his mood. Jeff was not thrilled to be here. Their new home was beautiful though, a true example of his father’s new found success, but still, it wasn’t the home he’d known.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Too bad for him. But I'm pretty sure the sky doesn't feel any sympathy for him.

🐨Mary: So, this story goes with this whole "Jeff Woods" idea. *Rolling eyes* I don't care much if he's down about moving, considering what he inflicts on other people later.

📖CPWikia: A week after they’d settled in,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: So what was the point of talking about the muggy day and moody sky if we're jumping to a week later?

📖CPWikia: Jeff and Liu woke up early. The sky was a crisp and gorgeous blue, and although the Louisiana heat was playing its usual cruel tricks, the brothers decided that a morning bike ride to explore the area would be just the right ticket to combat the slight pangs of homesickness that they’d both been experiencing over the last week.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah, but you know they're gonna get into trouble.

🐨Mary: So, Louisiana, that's where he's settled? I've seen other locations mentioned. But well, okay, let's go with that for now.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Won't work any more, Jeff, I know where you're really from, NJ.

📖CPWikia: “I miss home,” Liu blurted out, as Jeff was smearing salsa on the microwaved burrito that would serve as his breakfast.

🐨Mary: Bleh. Of all the unusual things I'll eat for breakfast, this wouldn't be one of them.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Bleckh. So, Jeff likes burritos and salsa. I don't. For breakfast or at any time.

📖CPWikia: “Me too Liu, but I guess this is home now, so we just sort of have to make the most of it."

🐨Mary: I just can't picture him being this level-headed. It just doesn't work.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: He's not so heart-broken as Liu, nor is he really this calm. It's all an act to try getting himself ingratiated with the readers so they'll form some sort of attachment to him.


This is still Jeffrey.

📖CPWikia: “I know, but all of our friends and stuff are back in New Orleans. Remember that building we’d always sneak up on top of and watch the city lights come on, I miss that,” Liu responded, sounding down.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf:Oh poor you. Boo-hoo. I don't care.

🐨Mary: Never was curious about New Orleans. So now which city/town did they move to?

📖CPWikia: “Yeah, and ZM Video, the owner knew us and would always let us rent R-Rated movies without our parents, and he’d always hook us up with a free video game rental if we got a few movies… yeah, I miss that too, but Liu, we have to…”

🐨Mary: Oh sure. Come on. Liu should be the more rational one here.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Jeff's act isn't fooling me. He's just found another way to steal the show and try to look somehow better than anyone else.

R-rated movies, well, that doesn't surprise me. considering this is Jeff, no doubt, the more gory, the better.

📖CPWikia: Liu interrupted,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: That doesn't fit. Jeff should be the more impulsive one.

📖CPWikia: “I know, we have to make the most out of this, but still, this place just seems so fake, and mom and dad still treat us like we aren’t even here.”

🐨Mary: *Twitch* Sorry, but this really isn't working. "Jeff" and "Liu" should trade places during this convo at any rate.

📖CPWikia: “Yep, they do. I was sort of hoping the new house would improve their mood, but what can we do?”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh come on. Jeff hates authority, so, should be glad his parents act as if he isn't even there.

📖CPWikia: Liu had no answer.

🐨Mary: Just as well. This isn't working.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: No crap.

📖CPWikia: Jeff finished his breakfast and the two boys left the house to mount their bikes and explore around a bit more. As it turned out, the subdivision they moved into was rather close to a cluster of stores in a small shopping center.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Here's where they can potentially get into some trouble.

📖CPWikia: Village Shopping Center was the name of the short row of businesses. Within these were a Pizza Hut, a Chinese restaurant, a tobacco store, a Sprint store, and, what Jeff and Liu were most excited about, a video store.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: of course, a video store.

🐨Mary: A tobacco store? What, really? *SMH* Do they even have those any more? With smoking pretty much on the way out?

📖CPWikia: “We’ll have to get mom or dad to come down here and open up an account so we can rent movies,” Liu mentioned as Jeff flipped a box over to read the description of a horror movie.

🐨Mary: Well yeah I figured it would be a horror movie.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes* Nothing against people watching horror movies, but for goodness sake. Come on. A creepy pasta, and it's like only the supposedly cool, edgy people watch horror movies, while other ridiculously dumbed down characters we're supposed to think of as not so cool, watch anything but.

📖CPWikia: “Crap, (edit) you’re right,” Jeff snapped, feeling a bit of frustration at this thought.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: There, that's more like it. Seems he's already losing his fake cool.

📖CPWikia: He knew getting his parents to actually come down here and set up a membership would take forever, since their usual after work routine was to go off into separate rooms until they got hungry enough to come out and speak.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: WTH kind of household is this? Something's horribly wrong with the parents in this re-write. - Again.

🐨Mary: Huh? Weird. Anyway, this is more like Jeff.

📖CPWikia: Jeff glanced over at the girl working behind the counter, “Maybe I can go over there and sweet talk her into giving us accounts,” he joked.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Grimace* Manipulative little brat, probably hormonal as well.

🐨Mary: Definitely more like him. Manipulative piece of crap.

📖CPWikia: “Yeah right Jeff, one look at you and she’ll probably ban us,” Liu remarked back, a smile broad on his face.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: I would.

🐨Mary: What I don't understand is why Jeff wasn't banned from the CP wiki after all. As far as I'm concerned, not even a rewrite should've been allowed back in.

📖CPWikia: “You doubt me little man?”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes*

🐨Mary: Shut it.

📖CPWikia: “Doubt you? The guy who’s kissed two girls and almost touched a boob, never,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Scowl* Doesn't surprise me. Disgusting...!

📖CPWikia: please go on over and lay on all the charm.”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Charm? *cough* NOT! *Cough, cough*

🐨Mary: Eww! *Scowl* Yeah, rewrite or no rewrite, Jeff is still a trampy little weasel.

📖CPWikia: “Whatever, I totally could have banged that girl, but her parents came home and….”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Disgusted scowl* Typical Jeffrey. *Spits*

🐨Mary: *Scowl intensifying with disgust* You'd go after anything in a skirt, you sex-addicted maggot.

📖CPWikia: “Last time you told me that story, you said her parents were out of town and her sister came home…”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: So Jeffrey can't keep his crap straight. Probably tells it bigger and not so much better every time. *Rolling eyes*

🐨Mary: So, let's ad liar to Jeff's list of rotten personality traits.

📖CPWikia: Jeff became flustered and while in the process of trying to make yet another come back, the girl behind the register removed all doubt by speaking to the boys herself.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: All doubt about what?

🐨Mary: Okay, I will probably end up cringing, or applauding, depending on what the girl says or does.

📖CPWikia: “Hey, aren’t those your bikes?” the young woman asked, pointing towards the glass window.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: What of it?

📖CPWikia: Jeff and Liu looked over and saw three boys outside, two of which were riding around in circles on the Woods brother’s bikes. They would spin them around and then jump off, letting the bikes crash onto the pavement, just to stand them up and ride them again. The two boys riding the bikes were both slim in build, while a heavier boy stood on the sidewalk, drinking a Red Bull and watching.

🐨Mary: Oh, well, not exactly applauding. Enter Randy, Keith, and Troy.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: And now the bullies enter the scene.

📖CPWikia: Jeff and his brother made their way towards the doors of the video store, when the fat kid saw them coming. Jeff couldn’t hear what he said to his two friends, but he made some sort of gesture while shouting, and the other two boys dumped the bikes where the lay, and walked towards the sidewalk, directly towards the two brothers.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Trying to steal bikes makes more sense at least, than flying skateboards, but these are still freaks.

🐨Mary: Ding ding! Round 1!

📖CPWikia: “Those your bikes?” one of the boys asked as the Jeff and Liu entered the summer heat.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Ask a stupid question...

🐨Mary: Ugh. No, moron, aliens left those bikes there!

and that sentence is awkward. Should be grounds right there for any new Jeff rewrite to be given the boot.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: If they were going to remove and not accept any more JTK, they should've stuck to that.

📖CPWikia: “Yeah, why are you riding them?” Liu asked sharply.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Because they are Randy, Troy, and Keith.

🐨Mary: Short answer? Because they're your cliche bullying idiots who get a "lulz" out of stealing and abusing other people's stuff.

📖CPWikia: “We just saw them there man, relax, figured someone just left them out for us,” the same boy responded, as his two friends joined him on either side.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah right. Stupid excuse not accepted.

🐨Mary: Okay, boys, here's a viper. Somebody just left it lying around out here for you. Somebody dares you to go pick it up and play with it.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Lol!

🐨Mary: No really, do you always just go around picking up everything you see that isn't nailed into the ground?

📖CPWikia: Jeff, determined to make a good start here, tried to change the course of this confrontation.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Uh, no. Not buying it.

🐨Mary: Oh, FCOL. That should be Liu's job. Jeff is the one who ended up being the killer, so Liu should be the more rational of the two, right from the start.

📖CPWikia: “Well, they’re ours. We just moved here about a week ago, we live over on Fairmont Avenue, a few blocks from here. We were just checking out the neighborhood.” Jeff hoped that a civil tone could turn things around, but he could tell by the insolent look on the kid’s face that this was a difficult gamble.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Jeff isn't that mature. Faking isn't going to make me change my mind about him.

🐨Mary: Besides giving out way too much information to these rejects, being so rational really doesn't work with this character.

📖CPWikia: “Good for you, you moved somewhere,” the fat kid remarked.

🐨Mary: Well aren't you the smart parrot, Troy.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: So maybe it's time for you to move off, Troy Boy.

📖CPWikia: “Oh yeah Troy,” the first boy spoke, “they moved into that piece of crap (edit) house with the gravel driveway. I was wondering who would move into that place.”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Stupid snobs.

🐨Mary: So a house becomes a piece of crap to you just for having a gravel driveway? Imbecile.

📖CPWikia: “Well Randy, now we know,” the big kid, apparently named Troy, replied.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: And you're going to do what, boys? *Unfriendly scowl*

🐨Mary: No crap. So that means you'll probably go over there, uninvited.

📖CPWikia: Jeff, still trying to salvage the conversation, tried peaceful banter one more time. “Okay, so you’re Troy and you’re Randy, well I’m Jeff and this is my brother Liu, we just moved here from New Orleans.”

🐨Mary: *Sigh* Once again, that should be Liu.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf:So Jeff is trying to make nice with these cretins so they'll let him into their stupid little clique.

📖CPWikia: “You ain’t in New Orleans now,” the third boy, who’d just now decided to speak, remarked.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Want a cookie for that obvious statement, Keith?

🐨Mary: Wow! I can just tell these kids are a bunch of geniuses. :p

📖CPWikia: “Yeah, and who the flare said you could call us by our names?” Randy asked, that insolent, privileged smile never leaving his face.

Ocean Elf&🐨Mary: Okay then, I'll just call you

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Brat.

🐨Mary: Craphead.

📖CPWikia: Jeff smiled and responded to Randy, “Well, I guess I could have called you a flaring arsehole but I figured I would give you the benefit of the doubt.”

🐨Mary: *Rolling eyes*

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Pfft*

📖CPWikia: In that moment, a flare of rage replaced the smirk that had rested on Randy’s face throughout this entire exchange. The other two boys, Troy and the still unknown third member of his band, seemed to be momentarily struck silent. Perhaps they weren’t used to being stood up to.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Well, when Randy has to do all the thinking for himself and his cronies...

🐨Mary: That and they were so submissive to their master that they didn't dare make a single move without him telling them to.

📖CPWikia: “Oh I’m sorry, was that language too adult for you?” Jeff asked.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes* Nothing coming from you is adult, Jeffrey.

📖CPWikia: “And you, quiet boy, we know this isn’t New Orleans,” Jeff stated to the slim kid that had reminded him of his geographical locations, “because if this was New Orleans you three would already have gotten your arses kicked for touching someone else’s crap.”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: and I should care because?

🐨Mary: *Rolling eyes* Whatever.

📖CPWikia: The slim kid looked back and forth at his two friends, however, Randy, clearly the leader, seemed to know what to say. “Keith, you gonna let this little wench talk to you like that?”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, getting a little hot under the collar, boys? *Rolling eyes*

📖CPWikia: Jeff knew this part. And while he wanted quite badly to sock Randy and his pals around, a real concern suddenly invaded his mind. If he and Liu got into a fight on their first week in this new neighborhood, their parents would freak. He could practically hear it now. And while things had been far from perfect in their home, even after the move, there was a peace that had fallen over the family, and Jeff, fighting his urges, decided to do his best to keep it.

🐨Mary: Yeah, no, the only thing that makes any sense for Jeff is fighting to control his violent urges. The rest of that concern should be Liu's.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Spare us the supposed wanting to keep the peace thing. Jeff's only concerned about getting his sorry butt in trouble.

📖CPWikia: Jeff looked over the three, very well dressed, very privileged looking suburban kids before them, and dismissed them. “You guys are boring, come on Liu, let them continue their play dates without us.”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Don't forget your bikes. *Sneer*

🐨Mary: So, even in this rewrite, Jeff is still a big limelight hog. Liu was far too downplayed here.

📖CPWikia: Liu laughed at that and followed behind his brother towards the bikes. However, Randy and his little gang of would-be toughs would have none of that. They moved to block Jeff and his brother once again.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Aww, did the big bad newcomers bruise your egos, bully boys? *Sneer*

🐨Mary: And poor Liu gets as much action here as Keith.

📖CPWikia: “Where you going whimp?” Randy asked, shoving Jeff. Jeff could tell that shove had no real conviction. Randy was trying to figure him out, seeing where his buttons were. He’d push harder eventually, but Jeff swallowed the slowly building anger within him once more.

🐨Mary: Because he's rational like that. No. Not really.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh please. A shove is a shove. Jeff thinks he can be so smart/intellectual and read all kinds of things into it that aren't really there.

Bullies push. bullies push again, harder. that's what bullies do until they're stopped. That's as predictable as the force of gravity.

But it has nothing to do with the bloodthirsty feeling Jeff gets, especially when he starts getting just a little bit angry.

📖CPWikia: Liu took a bit more exception to the shove.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Liu is human, and not trying too hard to convince others he's more mature than he actually is.

📖CPWikia: “We’re going to your mom’s house, me and my brother saved up a couple dollars from doing chores and we hear she doesn’t charge much.”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Shut up, Jeff! *Scowl*

🐨Mary: *Scowl* Oh this is really mucked up! That shouldn't have been put in here at all, but since it was, Jeff should've been the one to say it.

📖CPWikia: As the words left Liu’s mouth,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: No, that should've been Jeff. He's the one always thinking about sex.

📖CPWikia: Randy appeared to only register a small portion of it all.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: What portion, that Jeff (I refuse to accept this was Liu,) called his mom a prostitute?

📖CPWikia: Randy Hayden had grown up in Mandeville. His father was a partner at a local firm that made a lot of money, something else that Jeff would soon come to learn.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: And that's important because? I already guessed that Randy and his little band of rejects were stereotypical spoiled rich kids.

But what is important is we have a full name, and a location. Randy Hayden, from Mandeville Louisiana.

📖CPWikia: Randy and his friends, while the same age as Jeff, had grown up in very different circumstances. They were used to being listened to; they were used to being feared.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: As I figured, spoiled little rich kids.

🐨Mary: But considering what Jeff said about New Orleans and people getting their butts kicked there, it seems to me he and Liu would be used to living in a tough neighbourhood, and used to getting their own way, too, probably at the expense of someone else's face or at least pride.

📖CPWikia: In fact, Randy, the target of the insult, just stood there.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Being the typical bully, you'd think Randy would catch on to that kind of stupid trash talking right away. Oh well. Randy is dense, and Jeffrey is filthy.

📖CPWikia: It was actually Troy, the fat kid who stepped forward, fist balled, eyes squinted in anger.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Can't exactly blame him after that trashy comment. Yeah, Jeff, you were actually the one who said it, not Liu.

🐨Mary: Troy isn't the only one disgusted by that remark.

📖CPWikia: “Who you talking to?” Troy shouted, and took a wild swing at Liu.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Get jeffrey too while you're at it.

📖CPWikia: Liu, who was both in better shape and had sparred with Jeff a time or two during his time spent boxing, was able to avoid the punch, but just barely. Had that been all, it may have once again ended there. Troy was clearly taken by surprise at Liu’s speed, and actually didn’t attempt another punch. However, these were bullies, kids that ran in a pack for a reason. The skinny one, Keith, stepped around and threw a punch that connected with the left side of Liu’s face.

🐨Mary: Blah. Another fight with stupid bullies.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Zzzzzzz.

📖CPWikia: Jeff had seen enough. He’d been shocked at how quickly this evolved into blows, even though he’d expected it from almost the start.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh please. He was itching for a fight. It is Jeffrey, after all.

📖CPWikia: When he’d first met Randy and his friends, he’d been curious. From there he’d developed an annoyance with them, and slowly that annoyance had evolved into anger.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah right. He's not all that calm and collected. and no one would be merely curious about strange brats just coming along and messing with their stuff.

📖CPWikia: However, upon seeing Liu punched, seeing the small trickle of blood form on his brother’s lower lip, upon seeing the smug look of satisfaction on Keith’s face, that anger that Jeff felt, suddenly exploded into a rage that he’d never felt before in his life.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Then he's apparently been incapable of much in the way of feeling. Yeah right. considering he kills songbirds for fun in his childhood, I'm not buying that.

🐨Mary: *Frown* Sorry, but this really doesn't work. The two are so reversed from what they should be. Liu needs to be the one incensed over Jef getting hit, but Jeff still needs to be the one to go rage-oholic.

📖CPWikia: Jeff Woods did not hesitate. He stepped forward, his feet automatically falling into the correct stance that he’d learned from the boxing classes his father once enrolled him into, and delivered a powerful right hand to Keith’s face. The skinny boy had no time to register shock or pain. The punch caught him by surprise, and his knees buckled. Keith went down to the ground in a heap of confusion and dawning fear.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Bor-ring.

🐨Mary: Blah.

📖CPWikia: Randy, the so called leader here, was almost too shocked to move. He’d had quite a lot of experience starting fights, but no real time logged in losing them. He’d never felt control of a situation slip. He was used to being in charge. So now, seeing one of his friends go down so quickly and easily, left him in a state of shock that he had no idea how to address.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: So... Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuper Jeff! Yeah right.

🐨Mary: I could get behind this if it was someone other than Jeff.

📖CPWikia: Troy on the other hand seemed to have a plan, throw another punch. He moved towards Jeff deceptively faster than his weight would seem to allow, and threw two equally fast punches. Jeff however had no problem side stepping both attempts. Troy, seeming lost for actions, actually dropped his arms, as if to say, ‘gee, what do I do now?’

🐨Mary: Excuse me for not cheering.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Throws bag of trash at them*

📖CPWikia: Jeff had the answer. He moved in, throwing three hooks to Troy’s stomach. The hefty kid’s eyes went as wide as pie pans, a fitting analogy, Jeff thought. He staggered back, clutching his throbbing stomach. Jeff wasted no time, and stepped in once more, fetching a sharp punch to the big kid’s jaw, causing Troy to promptly fall on his butt. (edit) Jeff was reminded of King Hippo from the Punch Out game he used to play. He couldn’t help but smile.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Booooooo!

🐨Mary: *Scorn at Jeff*

📖CPWikia: Jeff now turned his focus on Randy. He advanced on the boy, feeling something new forming inside of him. He still felt the anger, the rage actually, at the antics of these three arseholes. They had the nerve to mess with their bikes; the nerve to insult two kids they’d never met before, and of course, the ultimate offense, touching his brother. However, mixed in with this rage was also a sweet, enjoyable pleasure. Not only was he kicking their arses, but he was loving every second of it. It was as though the joy of showing them up was perfectly blending with the rage he felt towards them. Together, it formed into a sadistic, controlled sense of power.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Exactly.

Finally a little truth enters the picture, even if it's mired in such painful-to-read purple prose.

Jeffrey is a sadistic, power-hungry, control-freak.

🐨Mary: Now we're finally getting somewhere. Let's tear that goody 2shoes mantle off this sleazy kid and show him for the sadistic Randy type he really is.

📖CPWikia: That was, until Liu stepped in front of him. “Jeff, stop, that’s enough!”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: that's more like Liu should be.

🐨Mary: FINALLY - Liu gets to do something Liu!

📖CPWikia: “Why stop now Liu, they wanted this,” Jeff replied in a flat voice that Liu had never heard come from his brother’s mouth.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah right, everybody was just in denial about Jeffrey until this point.

🐨Mary: Because Jeff was a monster all along. Nobody knew it until this point.

📖CPWikia: “She’s calling the cops, look!” Liu shouted again, and this time, Jeff came back to reality long enough to listen. He glanced over at the video store clerk, and saw her on the phone, talking frantically and pointing towards the parking lot.

🐨Mary: Haha! Take that, Killer Jess and Jane Arkensaw. Neither of you get to be heroes here.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Something finally goes right. and better still, it's not because of any of the Jeff Mary Sues!

📖CPWikia: Suddenly, Jeff’s strange sadistic haze collapsed, and he regained his former self.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: No, his true sadistic self is always there, just lurking beneath the human facade.

🐨Mary: But the sadistic haze was his true self.

📖CPWikia: “Flare, let’s go!” he stated quickly, and he and Liu mounted their bikes and rode towards the parking lot exit.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Pouty and mad, as usual.

🐨Mary: Still a ticked off brat.

📖CPWikia: “Yeah, you better flaring run!” Randy called behind them. Jeff and Liu paid no mind and peddled away.

🐨Mary: Round 1 over. *Yawn* Thank goodness.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Gah. Boring.

📖CPWikia: A few blocks down the street they dismounted their bikes and began to walk them together. At first, neither brother spoke, then Liu broke the silence.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh great, another snore-fest.

📖CPWikia: “Jeff, thank you for standing up for me back there, thank you.”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Bleah. Now we get treated to "lookee how bonded in brotherhood these two are..."

📖CPWikia: “Yeah, those guys were pieces of crap, they had it coming,” Jeff replied, looking down at the street as they walked.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: As do you.

🐨Mary: I'm getting tired.

📖CPWikia: “What... what happened? I’ve never seen you like that before?"

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: You just never noticed or didn't want to.

📖CPWikia: “Just defending myself Liu, what was I supposed to do, let them beat you up?”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: snarky as usual.

🐨Mary: Liu knows you're - well, how can I put this? Special, Jeffrey.

📖CPWikia: “I bet they go to our school, I bet we’ll see them there, and they won’t forget this."

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Bullies always hold grudges.

🐨Mary: If they hadn't started it in the first place, they wouldn't have anything to remember.

📖CPWikia: “Who cares? We didn’t ask to move here, we didn’t ask for any of this. Mom and dad just wanted a bigger house in a nicer neighborhood, and we were along for the ride whether we liked it or not. Think I give a crap what these rich arsehole kids think of us?” Jeff stated, and went back to looking at his feet.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Poor baby. Cry about it.

🐨Mary: Good, that's more like Jeffrey, the pouty, whiny brat we know and hate.

📖CPWikia: “Think we’ll get in trouble?” Liu asked.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: of course. because adults are stupid and bully kids always get their way in this story, no matter the re-write.

📖CPWikia: “For what, defending ourselves?”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: and just for the heck of it.

📖CPWikia: “Yeah, I guess you’re right, they did start it,” Liu answered, and to the brother’s, the matter was closed.

🐨Mary: Okay. That's one big part slogged through. On to the next.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes*

📖CPWikia: However, things were far from over.

🐨Mary: Unfortunately.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: I know. There's still the big fight between Jeffrey and the bullies again, Jeffrey getting burned, and killing his parents.

📖CPWikia: They found that the trouble they believed they’d escaped was in fact waiting for them at their front door. Jeff and Liu saw the police cars well before they arrived at their driveway. Two cop cars, both parked in front of their house. Both of them felt their stomachs drop, as they well knew why the police were there.

🐨Mary: Because the rich kid tattled...

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: The girl from the video store reported the fight But the spoiled rich bully brats would've told their lying version of events already.

📖CPWikia: The brothers entered the living room, to see their parents sitting on the couch, the two cops standing up, leaning on the wall, writing in their notebooks.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Scowls at everybody* I just know this is going to be full of fail.

📖CPWikia: “What did you two do?” Shelia practically screeched as the two boys entered the house.

🐨Mary: Wait, what? "Shelia"? These two boys got new parents?

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh! I think I'm getting it.

Jeffrey must've been time-shifted, to a new home, with different parents, by Slender Man.

This could have been done to serve a number of purposes.

1. Jeffrey could try to keep away from Jane, who wouldn't be looking for a younger version of him now. He thinks he's killed her, but he doesn't really know for sure, does he?

2. It gives him another long stint at being the best Slender proxy.

3. Only what Jeff wasn't counting on was Slender Man time-shifting Randy and company to that same place and time as well. All the more potential proxies for him.

4. If Jeffrey thinks by letting Slender Man teleport him back in time to make him younger, then forward to a more recent time without aging him will get him off the hook for all his other kills, he's got another thing coming.

5. He killed one set of parents back in 2008. He got to kill another in 2015.

📖CPWikia: Liu, younger and less centered than Jeff, began to fall on the defensive, “Some kids tried to jump us down by that video store, they were messing with our bikes, and when we went outside, they got in our faces!”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: The explanation of what happened is correct, but Liu is definitely not less centered than Jeffrey.

🐨Mary: I always pictured Liu to be the older, definitely more centered one than Jeff... This story just isn't working well by putting the two boys into their opposite roles much of the time.

📖CPWikia: “That’s not the way we heard it!” Matt Woods interjected, his voice firm and ripe with anger and dissatisfaction.

🐨Mary: Okay, so Peter and Margaret have been replaced with Shelia and Matt, probably short for Matthew.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Again with the "Woods" business, and really? These parents are going to take the word of some thieving bully brats over their own sons? *Scowl* I think I know what you're doing here, you're trying to make these parents as well as the cops out to be the biggest jerks on the planet, so the readers will sympathize with Jeffrey.


In the end, Jeffrey still kills them... And he loves it.

🐨Mary:: Jeff must've gotten Slender Man to put him and his brother through a time/space warp after Jeff killed their original parents and so many other people. Though how on earth they located Liu - oh, right, they probably didn't, this is some other kid standing in for him. Probably.

📖CPWikia: “No dad, that’s what happened,” Jeff began to explain. “We were down at Friendly Video, looking around the store, when these three kids started riding around on our bikes. All we did was walk outside, and the kids started talking trash to us, trying to provoke a fight. When we tried to leave, one of them punched Liu.”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: That's not the real Jeff talking, he's still trying to make a good impression. And failing.

🐨Mary: That should've been Liu's explanation.., and replace the name Jeff with the name Liu at the end of that.

📖CPWikia: Finally, one of the two cops spoke. His name tag read Williamson. “Boys, we have some serious complaints about the two of you. From what eye witnesses at the shopping center say, you two started the confrontation with Randy and his friends.”

🐨Mary: Do you nitwit cops always take the spoiled rich brats' word over everyone else's? *Scowl* Maybe Randy has you in his parents' deep pockets, perhaps?

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, but of course, cops are stupid in memes!

📖CPWikia: Jeff took notice at how familiar the cop’s tone was when he said Randy’s name. This was a small town after all, and there was a good chance that this cop coached Randy in little league, or drank beers with his dad. he||, it was even possible that this cop could be an uncle to one of the bullies.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, please! Everyone else in this thing is brainless, and only Jeff Stu gets to have deep thoughts and figure things out. *Rolling eyes* This sucks.

🐨Mary: Actually Liu and the parents should be taking note of all that.

📖CPWikia: “No sir,” Jeff replied, “we didn’t start it, they did. We just wanted our bikes, we just wanted to leave. They blocked us.”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: So not Jeff's real personality here.

🐨Mary: Again, Liu should be saying all that. Jeff is no hero.

📖CPWikia: Williamson continued, as though he’d heard nothing Jeff said, “Several witnesses, including the video store clerk, say that you swung first. They say that the boys were riding your bikes, but let me ask you this, did you chain your bikes to anything, or did you just leave them outside the store?”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Doesn't matter. Those bully brats got caught stealing.

🐨Mary: They didn't chain them anywhere as far as I know, but who cares? That doesn't give Randy and his goons the right to steal them. What a stupid cop.

📖CPWikia: “What’s that matter?” Liu demanded.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: the one time Jeff could've said something and actually sounded for real.

🐨Mary: That should be Jeff.

📖CPWikia: “Well son, if you just left your bikes lying around in the street, you can’t exactly blame Randy and his friends for riding them, now can you? It’d be different had you secured them somehow, but you just left them there.”

🐨Mary: Wrong. Man, I can't believe how stupid you are. You're apparently being paid off by the bullies.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Hey stupid! Yes, I can blame Randy. everybody should. Randy and cronies took something that didn't belong to them. end of story. Now shut up!

📖CPWikia: “Mom, dad, you’re not buying this crap are you? You know me and Liu don’t start fights, when have we ever? These three punks messed with us, and if you can’t tell that these cops are taking their sides, then you need to open your eyes!” Jeff knew he was skating on thin ice, but that rage, it demanded some sort of satisfaction.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Rage? Yes. Talking rationally? No. Liu should've gotten to make the explanations.

🐨Mary: Again, the rage/blood lust of Jeff's makes sense. But this explanation should've been Liu's.

📖CPWikia: “Jeffrey, do not speak about these officers in that tone of voice, and do not speak to us that way either. Now, it’s pretty obvious that you two aren’t happy here, that you miss your old home, but starting fights in the street isn’t going to change anything!” Jeff’s mother snapped back.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Look, the bullies started it this time. Not to say that Jeff didn't or wouldn't start his share, but if you haven't the guts to stick up for your own kids, why - oh, wait, Jeff and Liu were time-travelled, you aren't actually their parents.

🐨Mary: You know, it actually sounds as if Jeff regularly caused fights back at his old home too, and his parents were dreading and are upset that he's doing it again in a new neighbourhood, so soon.

📖CPWikia: “Listen boys, you’re lucky. None of the parents want to press charges.

🐨Mary: Well of course not, what good would it do? The bullies families are already filthy rich, and they couldn't get more than chump change for going after these boys, plus they'd still have to pay legal fees.

So they're not backing off the charges out of the goodness of their hearts, they just don't think it's worth the hassle.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh sure, they're not pressing charges now, but there are other ways the bully families can wreck people's lives.

📖CPWikia: This will be reported as a simple scuffle between teenagers. But be advised, you’re both on notice. This is a quiet town, not like New Orleans. We don’t tolerate this sort of behavior over here. If you see Randy, Keith or Troy, I highly suggest you tell them you’re sorry. We’ll be keeping an eye on both of you, so don’t let this happen again. You don’t want to have an arrest record, do you?”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, shut your big trap!

🐨Mary: Oh, can it, you pompous windbag! It's obvious you got your great nose in the air over this, you think you and your bully boys are so superior because the newcomers are from New Orleans and you and your town are so much better.

Well, newsflash! The only reason your town is "quiet" is because you and your bully boys have it all under your stinking tyrannical thumb and you got everyone else bullied and scared into their "proper" places, and no one dare say or do anything against you!

Apologize when it was these boys who had their bikes stolen by your own bully boys?

You have got to be crapping!

Do the town a favour and sack yourselves!

📖CPWikia: Jeff felt his anger bubble over, and he could not hold his tongue. “Who is he to you Officer Williamson? Is Randy your nephew? Is he a friend’s son? Or maybe you go over and screw his mom while you’re on duty? Which one is it Officer?”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Finally, the real, gutter minded Jeff shows his true colours just a little.

🐨Mary: The first few lines sound more like Liu. The last one about the screwing, that is definitely Jeff.

📖CPWikia: “That’s it, both of you go to your rooms!” Matt Woods apparently found that he wasn’t a mute after all, as he ordered his sons out of the room. Jeff and Liu walked up the stairs, however, they refused to hang their heads in shame or feel any regret.

🐨Mary: I would too.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Liu shouldn't have been punished for Jeff's sleazy trash talking.

📖CPWikia: Neither of their parents spoke to them for the rest of that day. Jeff and Liu stayed upstairs, venting their shared frustration to each other. They’d been screwed over, even at their young ages, they knew that. They took some solace in the fact that they at least hadn’t been arrested or cited, but still, they saw what was really going on here.

🐨Mary: So why don't their parents? These adults still need a wake-up call. Apparently that hasn't changed much from version to version.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Sigh* "Let's make these parents as absolutely crummy as possible, so Jeff gets some sympathy enough so that when he finally kills, you people won't be too hard on him."


This is as unrealistic as the original, and a lot more depressing.

📖CPWikia: “That cop, he was protecting Randy,” Jeff whispered to his younger brother.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Liu should've been saying that to Jeffrey.

🐨Mary: I still can't picture Liu as the younger for some reason.

📖CPWikia: “No crap,” his brother replied.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Sigh* Do we really have to sit through a brotherly love thing between these two? Considering what Jeffrey eventually does...?

📖CPWikia: “We have to watch ourselves; we have to take care of each other. You saw it down there, even our parents didn’t stand up for us."

🐨Mary: This just doesn't suit Jeff. It really doesn't. I'd rather see Liu saying this, and Jeff threatening to take matters into his own hands, worrying Liu, who ends up begging him not to do anything rash.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: And shooting your trashy mouth off with speculations about Randy's mom pimping herself out to the cops is a fine right way of handling it, Jeffrey. *Sneer*

📖CPWikia: “Yeah, what the he|| was up with that?” Liu asked.

🐨Mary: No, that's more a Jeff line.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: That's more Jeffrey than Liu.

📖CPWikia: “Imagine, their flaring image, that’s what’s up with it. All they care about is fitting in here. They want to make sure they blend in with the rest of the Stepford families. No more fighting, if we see Randy or his two flarehead friends again, we just walk away, okay?”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Except for the f-bomb, that still isn't the real Jeffrey. It should be Jeffrey threatening to kill Randy, and Liu pleading with him not to do anything stupid.

🐨Mary: Again, that should be Liu saying it, not Jeff. Minus the f-bombs, of course. Save those for Jeff as well.

📖CPWikia: “But Jeff, you can kick the crap of them, why would we walk away?” Liu asked.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Not Liu at all.

🐨Mary: No. That should be Jeff, "But Liu, why should we walk away when I can kick the crap out of them?"

📖CPWikia: “Because I can’t kick the crap out of the cops Liu, I can’t kick the crap out of mom and dad, and that’s what would get us. flaring Randy and his pals are protected here, you and me, we’re not. So, if we see them, just avoid them, okay, please?”

🐨Mary: Once again, that should be Liu's line.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: "I can't kick the crap out of Mom and Dad" well, no, Jeffrey. We all know your weapon of choice is the knife...

And yes, you did more than kick the crap out of your parents (both sets of them) and a couple of cops, and some children, and young adults, and parents who weren't your own, and a detective, I might add. Your body count is enough to make you a serial killer.

Can't blame this second set of parents on that whole mess, or even your real parents. Gloss it over all you like, your 'concerned' and 'feeling down-trodden' thing fails to move me to sympathy for you.

📖CPWikia: Liu nodded, “I feel like a little wench though, I owe Keith for hitting me.”

🐨Mary: Jeff should be saying that. "Keith owes us for hitting you."

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Keith will get his, but not by Jeffrey's hand.

📖CPWikia: “No you don’t, I paid him back for that, and paid his fat friend too. I hope they just leave us alone now,” Jeff sighed.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Liar. You love fighting too much.

🐨Mary: "I hope they leave us alone now." should be Liu's line.

📖CPWikia: Jeff and Liu didn’t hear from their parents for the rest of that day. They remained in their rooms

🐨Mary: Didn't we already cover this?

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes* Unbelievably bad parenting again. I'm really sick of that.

📖CPWikia: late into the night, and finally came down to eat after they were sure their folks had gone to bed.

🐨Mary: What the hex? What the blinking' hex? Just - what???

Do you mean to tell me these parents were so unfeeling that they not only gave their own kids the silent treatment for the day, but they didn't even bother to fix dinner, or check on the kids to at least make sure they were okay?

What - the - freaking - ? I really don't get this household! *Appalled expression*

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Aaaaagh! *Facepalm* What should've been done here is put this all on Jeffrey. Make him the intolerable problem, not make these parents out to be such total neglectful and stuck-up losers that it somehow is supposed to justify anything Jeffrey says or does.

📖CPWikia: Liu said that he felt relieved about that, but Jeff had a sinking feeling that the worst was yet to come.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, but of course. *Rolling eyes* Because Jeffrey is the one with all the brains and feelings and instinct and all things human in this pile of "Let's totally vilify parents" schlock.

📖CPWikia: Jeff was correct,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: And of course, along with having all the brains and feelings and instinct, Jeff can never be wrong, he's the one who gets to be correct. *Facepalm* This is dreadful!

📖CPWikia: as they next morning, when the two brothers came down stairs together to eat breakfast; their parents were already sitting at the dining room table, staring at the boys, approving of nothing they saw.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, please! Excuse me, I'll be repeatedly facewalling.

🐨Mary: That is not right. So not right...

📖CPWikia: “Sit down,” Matt stated flatly.

🐨Mary: I'd really love to bug out of here now, but I have no choice. I must finish this smash, no matter how awful it, and these poor excuses of parents get. *Grimace*

Having said that, nothing will excuse Jeff for killing them later, or wipe out what he did to his real parents Peter and Margaret back in 2008, or anything else he did previously.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Facewal*

📖CPWikia: “What’s going on?” Liu asked.

🐨Mary: What's going on is your new set of crapheaded parents are still mad at you for something that wasn't even your fault. *Storms*

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: What's going on is you were given a half-baked role and your new parents were given an utterly regrettable role, all to prop up Jeffrey as the hero who finally does the honourable and just thing and stabs your parents to death later on, then cut and runs, leaving you to discover them. *Facepalm*

📖CPWikia: “Sit….down!” Matt stated again, anger dancing on the words.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, shut it! *Headdesk*

🐨Mary: If you can't treat your own kids, even when you're merely assigned to them in a story, better than this, shut up!

📖CPWikia: The boys complied without further question.

Matt Woods began his diatribe, “Whatever that was yesterday, beating up some kids for touching your bikes, mouthing off at the police, disrespecting both me and your mother, that stops today!”

🐨Mary: You're forgetting that the bully boys didn't just "touch" bikes that didn't belong to them, they stole them. The only reason they didn't just up and ride off with the bikes was because they wanted to taunt whoever the owners were, who were likely in one of the shops.

The bullies were the ones who assaulted first.

The police, poor excuses of cops that they are, are the ones who mouthed off, and you just stood there like dipsticks and let that Williamson or Wilkinson or whatevertheheck his name is, talk down to your own kids.

What kind of man does that? What kind of parent does that?

you, sir, are a coward!

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Jeff wasn't innocent of mouthing off with that whole speal about Randy's mom, but as an adult, Matt, you should know better than take the side of some bullying kid over what Liu told you and the stupid cops!

📖CPWikia: “We didn’t beat anyone up for touching our bikes!” Jeff blurted.

“Shut up Jeff, this is a one way conversation!” his father barked.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: No, Matt, *YOU* shut up! You're only allowing yourself to make Jeffrey look like the victim here. You're playing right into his scheme by being such a jerk!

📖CPWikia: “That kid, Randy Hayden, his father is a partner at my firm, did you know that? Did you even think about that when you were assaulting him over your godforsaken bike?”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Stop blaspheming! And no! What kid is going to be giving two rats' derrieres about who's at your business? Kids think about their own lives, what videos they are planning to watch, what they'll do for fun tomorrow, why they had to move from some place they liked, to a new place where everybody seems to be stuck up snobs and bullies and the cops are crooked!

🐨Mary: So that's what this is all about. You'd let your kids (I know, they are only assigned to you for this story) be slain as sacrificial lambs for your firm partner?

You disgusting piece of crap!

*Looks around* Where's a punching bag when you need one?

📖CPWikia: “You just didn’t think, did you Jeff?” Shelia added.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Neither did you when you took this crummy role!

🐨Mary: Says you tools who don't think about your own kids' welfare and well-being in this story...

📖CPWikia: “How could I have known that?”

Mary and 🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah, how could they have known that?

📖CPWikia: Matt continued, “Well, I’ve spent the entire morning talking to his father on the phone. His dad is willing to let it all go, but crap son, I have to deal with that at work now. Do you have any idea how much damage this could have done to me, to our family?”

🐨Mary: It shouldn't. Keep home problems at home, don't take them to work. and I mean that especially toward Randy's parents.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: If you can't keep your crap together any better than that, you're not fit to be a parent or in the work force.

📖CPWikia: Jeff felt that rage coming back, and fought with all his might to keep it stifled.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Don't give me that. I'm not impressed by Jeffrey's supposed struggle for self-control.

🐨Mary: Yeah, I'd rather it was just that sadistic power-hungry feeling for Jeff, and justified outrage for Liu.

📖CPWikia: Instead, he once more tried to appeal to the two adults' parental side, “Mom, look at Liu’s face, they split his lip, can’t you see, it’s still swollen!”

🐨Mary: that should be Liu saying that about any scratches and cuts Jeff got.

And how these poor excuses of parents could not give a flying hot dart about their kids' wounds is beyond me. I will be the one in an uncontrollable rage if these parents show any more callousness!

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Gaaaaaah! This - is - AWFUL!

📖CPWikia: Liu turned his head to better showcase the injury.

🐨Mary: *Holds breath*

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Makes fists*

📖CPWikia: “My god Jeff, so some kid played a little rough with your brother, is that any reason to fight them? I wanted to make friends with some of the other families in this neighborhood but thanks to you... I just don’t know…”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh! Shut - UP! *Fistchair, then stuff goes flying*

🐨Mary: !!!!!!!!!!! Rotten, shallow, unloving - *Roar! Facepalms repeatedly* I can't take this - I just can't take this!

📖CPWikia: No sooner could Jeff or his brother construct a proper defense, than their father began speaking again. “So, your mother and I have talked this through. Since there are only a couple weeks of summer vacation left, we’ve decided that Liu should spend the rest of the season at Aunt Marcy’s place. We’ve already spoken to her, and she is willing to let him come out there and stay.”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: !!!!!!! So your kid gets hurt, and you pack him off to some relative? STUPID! UNCARING! Aaaaaaaagh!

🐨Mary: What - the - blasted - HECK!?

So, your kids get bullied and hurt over a near bike theft they were the victims of, and your solution is to send the most injured one to an aunt's?

- The heck!?

There's just no logic. No understanding you! AT ALL!

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: All to make these "parents" out to be the worst beings on the planet in the hopes that I won't scream at Jeffrey for stabbing them later and that I'll excuse it "He was giving them what they had coming" bit - BULL!

📖CPWikia: Both Jeff and Liu were floored by this decision. Both boys began to protest at the same time, but they saw the look on their parents' faces. The decision was made.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Facepalm*

📖CPWikia: “Why can’t we both just go then?” Jeff asked, a last ditch effort to at least get away from his parents.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Now we get a lame stupid excuse coming right up.

📖CPWikia: “Marcy doesn’t want both of you there, she says you two are too rambunctious, and frankly we agree,” Shelia answered.

🐨Mary: That is the most lame-arsed excuse I've ever heard!

No! You don't just ship one kid off to some relative, especially one who isn't willing to take them both. She would have to take them both if something happened to you two losers!

Though having said that, I'd take Liu over Jeff any day. But then, I'm not related to them.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: They'd be better off sending Jeff.

📖CPWikia: And so it was, Liu was shuttled off to his Aunt’s place in Abita Springs, Louisiana, a place even smaller and duller than Mandeville, if one can believe that.

🐨Mary: Well then it's just as well that Jeff isn't going there. He'd end up killing someone there just to alleviate his boredom. That was saying more about Jeff than the town BTW.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Still a stupid reason and way to get Liu out of the picture so that Jeffrey could get into his next big pile of bother.

📖CPWikia: Jeff watched his brother leave, and then walked back to his bedroom. He felt that rage; however, it began to feel almost... pleasant to him.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah, because Jeffrey is a twisted nut.

📖CPWikia: He couldn’t explain it.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: It's just as well. I wouldn't understand or sympathize anyway.

📖CPWikia: He was furious at this turn of events, his parents had turned their backs on their own children.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Look, I know that bit, you pounded away and pounded away at that more than enough already! I get it, I get it, I get it!

📖CPWikia: However, through it all, these new feelings he was experiencing weren’t all terrible.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Because he's a sick twist who thrives on drama. I thought I mentioned something about that already.

📖CPWikia: This anger for example, he could almost taste it.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Bleckh! So he can taste anger? I never cared for that sort of simile. You don't taste emotions, you feel them.

📖CPWikia: It felt like thick, sweet syrup, stirring around in him.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Bleah! Who wants syrup stirring around inside them? Oh, but this is Jeffrey, and he's not normal by any stretch.

📖CPWikia: Of course, he knew the extra ingredient that would complete the flavor.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Yuck! Feelings don't come in 'flavours'... They don't require "ingredients". *Rolling eyes* This is dopey as all heck.

📖CPWikia: That satisfying joy he’d felt when he had Randy and his friends on the ropes the day prior, that mixed perfectly with the anger,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: "mixed"? Oh please. Ditch the cooking terms, because this is painfully hamfisted.

📖CPWikia: to create some intoxicating product

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes* It's not a "product" it's a feeling. Oh I'm sure Jeffrey gets intoxicated on himself regularly.

🐨Mary: Syrup... Viscus... Product... *Head exploding* I - don't - get - it. I - just - don't - - - ...

📖CPWikia: that Jeff almost craved now.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Almost? Try always. Jeffrey is always craving pain and power over people.

📖CPWikia: He fell asleep lying on his bed thinking about that syrup,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, for the love! This is nauseating! Now his mucked up feelings are a syrup? Good gosh, could this possibly get any more dingbat dorky?

And he doesn't lull himself to sleep by letting his anger and power-lust subside, or even think about what actually makes him tick in the first place. He lies there, thinking he's got anger joy syrup stirring and mixing up inside of him. What a moron!

📖CPWikia: that thick, viscous

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: No. Feelings are not viscous.

📖CPWikia: that seemed to work its way into the very fabric of his soul.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: First he has viscous syrup for emotions and now he has some kind of fabric for a soul. Gosh, this dweeb is a real fruitcake.

📖CPWikia: He wanted it, yet he knew that it was destructive, and that nothing good could come from sampling it again.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Eckh! "sampling" He's not at a freaking farmer's market! But he's his own wonder drug, poison of choice.

🐨Mary: I didn't understand any of that syrupy schlock.

Let's leave it at this - Jeff has his parents and whole new world to himself now. Without Liu there to worry about, Jeff can try anything and maybe even get away with it.

📖CPWikia: Several days passed, and tensions were high between Jeff and his parents. Without Liu around, there was nothing for him to do except sit in his room and play video games. He went outside but didn’t venture far from home. He knew if Randy and his goons showed up again, it would likely result in another fight.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Because he wouldn't be able to contain his viscous syrup and neither would Randy.

🐨Mary: Blah.

📖CPWikia: For a few days, that worked well, and Jeff believed he could get through this. However, his mother changed all of that on an early Saturday morning. Jeff was awoken suddenly by sharp sunlight striking his face. He heard his mother humming, something that she rarely did. Even in his half sleeping state, he knew that humming was forced. She was doing it to wake him up, and figured the added sunlight would get things there even faster. When she noticed Jeff’s eyes cracking open, she sauntered over to his bed, and began speaking in a tone that simply oozed false joviality.

🐨Mary: I'm not surprised.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes*

📖CPWikia: At first Jeff had refused. Could his mother be serious, did she really expect him to go over and make friends with Randy? He was still in bed when his mother stopped her incessant humming long enough to tell him to get up and get dressed. Once he learned why, he’d told her no, no way in he||. However, his mother was a shrewd manipulator, and she’d know exactly what would get the job done. She promised Jeff that if he did this for her, went over and made it work with Randy, that Liu could come home the next day. She’d sandbagged Jeff right into the corner with that one. He’d no choice but to agree.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: What the...? *Facepalm* Why? Just - for the love of all things good... Why!?

🐨Mary: What in flipping crap is wrong with these parents!?

Make friends with Randy?

Oh - please!

Not even Jeff should be expected to do that!

And shoehorning Liu into this. How does that even make sense?

Marcy: "Liu, I'm sorry, but you can't go home tomorrow after all, your brother didn't hit it off with Randy Hayden." or "Liu, you can start packing, because tomorrow you're going home. Jeff and Randy Hayden just made friends."

How the heck would that work?

Parents who love their kids, do NOT force their kids to try making friends with their bullies! For any reason!

📖CPWikia: A short time later, Jeff and his mother were pulling into Randy’s driveway. Randy’s mother answered the door.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, yay.

🐨Mary: *Sigh*

📖CPWikia: “Hi, you must be Jeff,” she greeted.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Well, he sure as heck isn't Luke Skywalker.

🐨Mary: And the awkward factor increases by a thousand fold.

📖CPWikia: Jeff smiled wanly and confirmed that was in fact who he was.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: And there's also the fact that there are only three people visiting the Hayden home, at the most. Two adults if Matt is along, only one, and a woman at that, Shelia,. So the only kid is obviously Jeffrey.

📖CPWikia: “hello, I’m Shelia Woods, nice to finally meet you in person!” Jeff’s mother announced, barging past her son and extending a hand to Randy’s mother.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh good gosh! This Hayden buttkissing has got to stop! These "Woods" parents are pathetic. Worse!

🐨Mary: oh, I'm going to vomit. Anyone got a bucket?

📖CPWikia: “Shelia, so pleased to meet you, I’m Bridgette Hayden. Sorry to hear that our boys had a little mishap the other day. You know how it is though with teenagers, hormones going crazy and all. Randy never gets into fights, but he explained to me that Jeff and his brother are still new to the area, and haven’t quite learned how we do things in Mandeville yet, isn’t that right Jeff?”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Scowl* Brigit, you should've stopped at the apology. Because you just canceled that out with your stupid little snobby lecture. Nobody talks that way to another adult, and Shelia would have every right to take this kid and march out with him. I know my own mom would not stand for your condescending crap, and neither do I!

🐨Mary: Well Brigit Hayden, you started out okay and then you went into this snobby thing about how your angel never gets into fights and how it's the new kids' fault for being new.

You ought to get a record for spewing the most milage of baloney within one paragraph!

📖CPWikia: Jeff couldn’t resist a small jab, “Yeah, sorry about that Miss Hayden. Me and Liu had no idea that it was okay for your son and his friends and mess with our bikes without asking.”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Scowl* This is something Shelia should've been the one to say. But no! Jeffrey Gary Stu knows just the right thing to say - again! Aaaaaaaaaagh!

🐨Mary: I wish it had been Liu who could've said that, but he is conveniently not there, giving Jeff another opportunity to try being the clever one yet again. *Rolling eyes* Brigit asked for that comeback, but ugh, why did it have to be from Jeff?

📖CPWikia: “Bridgette, he gets that mouth from his father, never knows when to shut up. How about you and I go in and have some coffee and you can tell me all the great gossip around Mandeville while our boys get to know each other the right way.”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, you ditz! Not that it matters much since you parents are both losers, but you just gave the Haydens a reason to watch your husband as a potential trouble-maker, and then you were the one who suggested going in for some coffee, when Brigit is the one who should be doing the inviting in. And gossip? Really? You don't even know anyone. Why would you be interested in gossip, even if you did? You know gossiping is generally bad, right? There's the harmless stuff, but it can get pretty ugly, too.

🐨Mary: Wow Shelia, way to go, you just told the wife of your husband's firm partner that your husband can't control his mouth. All after you guys totally denigrated your kids for tarnishing your freaking image to these rich snobs.

And, gossip? You really just said you wanted to take part in that?

I just don't know where to start or where the absurdity ends with you lousy parents. I really don't.

📖CPWikia: “Randy is in his room Jeff, upstairs, second door to your left. I’m sure you’ll hear the sound of his video games or something,” Bridgette stated with very little humor to her voice.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Bleah.

🐨Mary: So, Randy and Jeff have the video games in common. That doesn't mean they'll get along. They'll fight over that, too.

📖CPWikia: “Thank you ma’am,” Jeff answered, and entered the house.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Blah.

📖CPWikia: Jeff knocked and heard Randy answer with, “Come in.”

“Hey, so, I guess you heard, our parents want us to hang out, get to know each other,” Jeff stated with little conviction.

“Yeah, that’s my mom alright, she doesn’t like drama. Honestly I think she worries too much, I mean, I’m cool if you’re cool.”

Ocean Elf&🐨Mary: Yeah right.

🐨Mary: Neither of you are cool as far as I'm concerned. And yeah Randy, your mom probably does worry too much.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Anybody believe this kid? Because I sure don't.

📖CPWikia: Jeff sat down on the floor next to Randy and struck up a conversation. “So, turns out your dad is my dad’s boss, he freaked out about the fight in the parking lot. He was actually worried that he’d get fired or something.”

🐨Mary: Wow, for an opener, that was laughably stupid, Jeff. You just handed Randy a big piece of meat to pounce on.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Way to go, chump. "Here Randy, take my knife, now stab me to death."

📖CPWikia: “My dad is like, everyone’s boss.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes in scorn*

📖CPWikia: I flaring hate it.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, wow, I'm sure you do. *Sarcasm full volume*

📖CPWikia: I think half the kids at my school talk to me because their parents are somehow connected to my dad’s firm.”

🐨Mary: Huh? *Splutters* Suddenly Randy is capable of human feelings?

I don't get it.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: That's a roundabout way of Randy bragging while trying to disguise it as the opposite. I'm not buying it. this is Randy, after all. He can't change what's underneath that suddenly rather nice facade any more than Jeffrey can.

📖CPWikia: “Why do you hate it?” Jeff asked.

🐨Mary: I think he just told you, genius.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Now Randy gets to expand on his lie.

📖CPWikia: “Because it’s fake, this whole demned town is fake.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: You should know, Randy, you're a big part of the fakery going on here.

📖CPWikia: You’ll figure it out as you go, but trust me; everyone who lives here is just trying to pretend they’re something else. My parents make me do all this crap, all the trophies and stuff, just so they can brag, that’s it.”

🐨Mary: *SMH* I don't - what is going on here? Randy suddenly isn't randy any more.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: That might've started out true, but at some point, Randy, you got to love it or you wouldn't have turned bully.

📖CPWikia: Jeff smiled, “I know how you feel. My dad had me in boxing class a year ago, because some co-worker of his had a brother that worked at the place or something. As soon as that guy quit though, I was out of that gym the next week.”

🐨Mary: Yuck. What a world.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Whatever. I'm sure Jeff and Randy feel each other pretty well, actually. Both have this sadistic drive to be head and shoulders above everyone else. They would, even if they had good parents. Because that's just how they are.

They get no slack or love from me.

📖CPWikia: “I wish it was that easy,” Randy responded, “I hate playing baseball, but my dad will sure have me out there again next summer, and the summer afterwards. It’s like, he knows I hate it, but wants to make sure I’m out there with his stupid company name on the back of my jersey.”

🐨Mary: *Puts hand to forehead* This is so not them.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Well Randy, whether you hate baseball or not, doesn't excuse bullying and thieving. *Expression remains hard* I don't trust your motives for telling Jeffrey this sob story.

📖CPWikia: “Randy, why did you and your friends mess with our bikes the other day?”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, this should be good.

🐨Mary: This might get the too characters back into character.

📖CPWikia: “I told you, this town is fake, and boring as crap. There is nothing to do here. We have to find stuff to do. I mean, there are only so many times you can go hang out at the video store, or ride the dirt paths in the woods. All the girls here are stuck up, all the stores close early, there’s no mall and the movie theatre is across town. We were just bored man, so, sorry for that I guess.”

🐨Mary: *Wide eyes, jaw drops* Wow! I'm just - I don't know what to say. *Utterly flabbergasted*

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Remains unconvinced* Wow, Randy, what a tough life. So you just did it because you're bored. The same dumb excuse for any stupidity coming from internet trolls and fandoms. And you're sorry "you guess? That's not terribly convincing to me.

📖CPWikia: “It’s cool,” Jeff replied, “I guess I’m sorry for too. Things went too far.”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Now that all this bull is out of the way...?

📖CPWikia: “You mean the fight?” Randy asked, “That crap was actually cool. Those guys, Keith and Troy, they just leech on because of my dad. It’s like I told you, I’m pretty sure their parents make them hang out with me.”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Spoke too soon.

🐨Mary: That has got to suck.

📖CPWikia: The afternoon went on, and Jeff soon forgot that this was a mandatory arrangement. He actually started to find himself liking Randy, sure, their first encounter was a little sketchy, but he was coming around to the guy, finding that he wasn’t so bad once his idiot friends were removed from the equation.

🐨Mary: *Puts hand to head* I - really wasn't expecting this.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: But add in the other two idiots, take away any adult presence and see what really shakes loose. I'm not buying Randy's heaping bowl of crap.

📖CPWikia: About an hour later, things took a new turn.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: For the worse but more sincere, right?

📖CPWikia: Jeff heard the twin pops of two car doors shutting in near unison, and then heard the engine start up. He dropped the game controller and peered out of Randy’s bedroom window, just in time to see his mother and Randy’s mother backing out of the driveway.

🐨Mary: What? They're just gonna leave their kids there?

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Huh? Don't these adults at least have the decency to pop in on their kids and tell them where they're going?

📖CPWikia: “Our parents are leaving,” Jeff said.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: No kidding, Captain Obvious.

📖CPWikia: “About time, I figured my mom would eventually talk your mom into going shopping, or going to get coffee, or something like that.”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: You figured? You were hoping, right? *Expression becoming more severe*

📖CPWikia: Jeff heard Randy pause the game.

“Hey Jeff, come down stairs, I want to show you some cool stuff,” Randy invited, and Jeff followed.

🐨Mary: Uh-oh, this is where Randy now gets to show his true colours.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: In other words, and to bring out the real intent, what Randy is really up to is this: "Come, Jeff, and I'll teach you good how to belly-crawl now that nobody's around to stop me."

📖CPWikia: Randy led Jeff out to the garage. It was hot in there, with the main door shut. The garage was well kept though, and Jeff observed stacks of magazines underneath a work bench, as well as tools and various other utility items stacked about.

Standing in the small, closed in garage, with the late summer heat lingering about, Jeff began to feel a bit uneasy. Despite the fact that he and Randy had seemed to bond over the last few hours,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: 'seemed to' being the key words here.

📖CPWikia: Jeff couldn’t ignore a sense that things were different now that the adults were gone.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: BINGO!

🐨Mary: could it be that I'll get a gold star for hitting this nail on the head?

📖CPWikia: “What did you want to show me?” Jeff asked.

“Hold on, let me get it,” Randy replied, moving the magazines out to reveal a small, red box.

Jeff watched as Randy removed the box and opened it.

“Check it out, my dad’s flare gun,” Randy announced, and waved the red, tubular gun about.

🐨Mary: This is looking more like it.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: So, Randy just gets his hands on everybody else's stuff, especially when he knows they're not looking. Sneaky little brat.

📖CPWikia: “Woah, be careful with that!” Jeff shouted, more out of shock than real concern.

“It’s fine dude, don’t be a whimp, it’s not even loaded,” Randy said.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Yet. But just you wait. It will be in a hurry.

📖CPWikia: However, Jeff watched as he fished one of the flares out of a back compartment. Randy then continued to fiddle with the flare gun, popping it open and loading a flare. “Now it’s loaded,” he announced. “My dad showed me how to use this last year when we went out boating. Sometimes I take it out back and shoot flares at the trees. But, maybe this time I don’t need a tree.”

🐨Mary: Because you got Jeff instead. I knew you were fake as those you levelled the accusation against. Now, the real Randy comes out to play.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Because shooting Jeffrey was Randy's intention all along. *Scowl* Not that I have anything against shooting Jeffrey, but it shouldn't be Randy, Keith, Troy, or any of the Janes.

📖CPWikia: The change in Randy’s voice and demeanor was impossible to ignore.

🐨Mary: I'm sure.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: no surprise there, unless you're Jeffrey.

📖CPWikia: “Okay, well cool gun. Let’s get back in the house though, it’s hot out here, plus, I’m getting hungry, what do you have to eat?”

🐨Mary: Only hot flares. And you just begged for something to eat at a house you're only a guest in?

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Wow, gauche, Jeffrey.

📖CPWikia: However, as Jeff turned to walk through the small door leading back into the house, his path was suddenly blocked by two more familiar faces.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Suddenly, reverse deus ex machina, the other two freaks appear on scene, blah, just like that!

🐨Mary: Which makes me wonder why Keith and Troy knew Jeff was going to be there, and more precisely, why they waited around to make an ambush? They had no way of knowing ahead of time the parents were going out and leaving the kids alone.

📖CPWikia: “Where you going Jeffey?” the fat kid, Troy, blurted out, as he and Keith stepped forward into the garage.

🐨Mary: *Gets gold star off shelf* My first one! Yay!

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Better question, where'd you come from, Troy Boy?

📖CPWikia: “Took you two arseholes long enough to get here, I’ve had to babysit this maggot (edit) all day,” Randy shouted, a wicked joy was present in his words.

🐨Mary: Spoken like the troll you really are.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: He'd fit right in with the anti-bronies and the rest of the anti-fandom fandom.

📖CPWikia: “Sorry Randy, but Keith here had to mow his front yard before his parents would let him come out,” Troy said, a sheepish tone to his voice.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: What? That even one of those bully boys had parents who actually made them work at anything astounds me.

📖CPWikia: “It’s cool, we’re here now,” Keith said.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: You're here now, and it isn't cool.

🐨Mary: Nothing about you or this is cool.

📖CPWikia: “What the flare is going on?” Jeff asked, staring at Randy. He noticed that Randy still had the flare gun in his hands.

🐨Mary: Randy's the bully he always was. He planned for his friends to be there to pick on you.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: You just got railroaded, Jeffrey, screwed.

📖CPWikia: “I’ll tell you what’s going on Jeff; you owe Keith and Troy an apology for what you did. You sucker punched them, and then ran away. You didn’t even have the guts (edit) to fight them fair, so now, you’re going to pay them what you owe!"

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Actually, you slime moulds, you owe Liu. You didn't have the guts to fight him fair. You just sucker-punched him and gave him a bleeding lip. And then you lied your sorry arses off to the cops, who were stupid enough to believe you. So you are the ones who owe.

🐨Mary: You and your thugs are the ones who owe. But like all cowardly bullies, you think the world owes you. *Scowl*

📖CPWikia: “I’m not going to fight you, okay, I’m done with that crap,” Jeff replied as he glanced about the room for an exit.

“You’re right about that, you’re not going to fight. You’re going to stand there and let my boys get their licks in. Then I get mine, and when that’s done, you get the flare out of my house. I’ll tell my mom that you got sick and walked home, and after that, if you see us again, you better walk the other way.”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Glower* That's not "fighting fair" Randy Candy-arse Boy, that's you and your stupid idiot contingent being the typical cowardly sadistic bullies you are and always will be, because you can't be anything else, ever.

🐨Mary: You know, Randy, I'm the type to stand right in your way and will not hesitate to shove/trip/whatever I have to do to you to get you to move your lousy butt out of my face.

📖CPWikia: “I’m not going to stand here and get hit by you or your friends, so just let me go home, how about that. I’ll tell my mom that we’re cool and everyone wins, okay?” Jeff asked.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, Randy would never be satisfied with that. He's too much like you, Jeffrey. You're only acting this way now because it's three of them against you and you're not the one holding the gun.

📖CPWikia: Randy then raised the flare gun towards Jeff. “No, you stay whimp; you stay and take your licks.”

🐨Mary: You and your stupid "licks" If you knew what happened to Lickman, you might not be so keen on this.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah Randy. You will face me if you come out of this alive.

📖CPWikia: Jeff felt that sensation once more, that sick, rich dark matter that swirled about inside of him.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Dark matter is about the best way you've come up with to describe it, though it's still a feeling, not actual matter.

📖CPWikia: He could taste it now,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes* Oh, please! Not with the hammy prose again.

📖CPWikia: it was heaven. In his mind,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Dark matter feelings are heaven to Jeffrey. Well, he is screwed up.

📖CPWikia: he imagined himself diving into it,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: diving into a feeling. Oh, brother.

📖CPWikia: swimming in it,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Ultimately drowning in sorrow and loving it, perhaps? Bleh.

📖CPWikia: letting it swallow him whole.

🐨Mary: Oh, yucketh!

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Grimace* Jeffrey will eventually get swallowed by something, and he won't like it so much.

📖CPWikia: He looked around and the sensation only grew.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Because the bullies create dark matter. Yeah, you losers walked right into that one.

📖CPWikia: He saw Randy, standing there holding the flare gun. It was limp in his hands though, and the hammer was not cocked back. Jeff knew that Randy had no intention of firing it.

🐨Mary: Oh, really?

Well, come to think of it, considering Randy has his two lackwit lackees there, who seem to do all the dirty work...

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: The only reason Randy is hesitation is probably because he wants to prolong Jeffrey's intimidation, and he might also be afraid of getting to trouble for firing a flare and wrecking stuff in the garage.

📖CPWikia: He looked over at Keith, skinny and pathetic, a kid born to follow. Troy, fat and sweaty, breathing a bit heavy from his walk over, and of course, in the middle of it all, Jeff himself.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Randy, the smug, beady-eyed, nose stuck up in the air, spoiled brat, used to getting his own way.

🐨Mary: Jeff, a dark, brooding kid who matched Randy in personality and build, only he had that special rage syrupy feeling, a secret weapon Randy couldn't see.

📖CPWikia: He felt that pleasure begin to mix with the rage, forming the perfect product.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: There you go with this freaking 'product' again. Look, no one's buying that stuff!

📖CPWikia: He tried to avoid sampling it;

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes* Oh, please! You don't 'sample' feelings, you feel them! Even if they are "dark matter". Jeffrey is not at a buffet or a whine and cheese tasting.

📖CPWikia: he knew that only regret could come from indulging in it.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Bullcrap. Jeffrey is not capable of regret except for getting in trouble.

📖CPWikia: However, when it was placed so close,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: A feeling isn't "placed so close" when it's going on inside of an individual. So please, cut the whacky purple prose already...

📖CPWikia: when the aroma

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *GONG!* So now Jeffrey can smell his own inner sadistic feelings? Gah. This is as bad as the time I was still doing rpgs, and there was a character who could supposedly smell retroactive thoughts of another character in some old house.


Jeffrey is definitely not mature enough or even cultured enough to appreciate the 'aroma' of anything, and what he's probably smelling is his own BO and sweat.

📖CPWikia: and the promise of that sweet savory flavor

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: 'Sweet savoury' my foot. Feelings don't come in savoury. They come from savouring something, but dark matter or whatevertheheck it is Jeffrey's got, sure isn't savoury. This is droll to the point of absurd and beyond, and it really doesn't fit with the context of four boys in a garage, fooling around with a flare gun.

📖CPWikia: was only inches away,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: No. Not inches away. Either he's feeling something or he isn't. Measuring units have nothing to do with that.

📖CPWikia: Jeff found that he could no more to stand against it than a ship in the ocean could stand against a typhoon.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: But Jeffrey is no ship, and this is no ocean.

🐨Mary: Ugh! So much purple prose. Ugh ugh ugh!

📖CPWikia: Jeff began to smile.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Because he's a first class doofus.

🐨Mary: and I began to feel sick.

📖CPWikia: “Why are you smiling at me, you queer for me or something?” Randy asked, a slight nervous tinge in his voice.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Well Randy, it's obvious where your mind nosedives to whenever you can't get your own way. everybody's "queer" to you, troll. *Rolling eyes*

🐨Mary: First you use 'maggot' with an 'f' and now it's 'queer' talk about a one-track mind. Just because you swing that way, Randy, doesn't mean everyone else does. Jeff is straight. Want proof? Here, and here.

📖CPWikia: “Am I smiling Randy? I guess it’s because I’m just having so much fun,” Jeff announced, and suddenly lunged towards the unprepared kid holding the flare gun.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes* Sick twist.

🐨Mary: Yeah, exactly. This is Jeff's idea of fun.

So, ding ding! Round deux!

📖CPWikia: Jeff struck Randy once in the nose. Randy’s arms dropped, yet he kept hold of the flare gun. Jeff, without even needing to look, realized that Troy and Keith had actually taken a step back, instead of advancing as they should have.

🐨Mary: That's because they don't have the personality or the wit to do anything on their own, and are totally lost without their master.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Such strong, loyal friends. *Sneer*

📖CPWikia: Jeff delivered another strong blow to Randy’s jaw, causing the boy to drop to the floor.

🐨Mary: And he's getting high on this.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: And no one cheers.

📖CPWikia: Jeff now turned his attention to Troy and Keith, the two tough kids that had yet to actually make so much as a move in his direction. Troy actually backed up a step and stumbled over the stack of magazines that Randy had moved earlier. Jeff took this opportunity and stepped forward, once again introducing Troy’s round belly to his fist. Troy tried to stay on his feet, but Jeff’s punches, combined with the stumble over the magazines, caused Troy to fall back, landing hard and striking his head on the concrete slab that was the garage’s floor.

🐨Mary: Notice no applause here?

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Booooooooooo! *Hisssssssssss*

📖CPWikia: Keith was actually trying to back away.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: This kid who thought he was such a brave good fighter earlier that he gave Liu a fat lip, now he's faced with that Jeffrey weasel, and he shrinks back in fear. *Scowl*

📖CPWikia: However, Jeff was currently standing between him and the only exit to the garage, since the carport door was closed. Jeff took two quick steps towards the skinny kid, and felt the most intense joy at seeing Keith stagger backwards, knocking his back into the wall.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Of course he did, because he's Jeffrey, no different from the other bully boys that are with him, they all get their jollies intimidating other people. *Contemptuous scowl*

📖CPWikia: That perfect blend of pleasure, control and rage had come together. Jeff felt as though he was floating above the world.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: And for the first time in his life, he felt truly happy, truly content, truly within himself, truly whole, etc. Because he's a sick piece of sadistic crap.

📖CPWikia: Somewhere in his mind, he knew there would be he|| to pay for this,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, right, Jeffrey doesn't fear, anticipate, suspect, or dread the possibility of anything, he just knows everything! *Rolling eyes* Oh please!

📖CPWikia: but at that exact moment in time, he couldn’t care less.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: of course not. He only cares about one thing, "I want what I want, when I want it, yesterday, give it to me on bended knees!"

📖CPWikia: He didn’t care about Liu,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: No crap! Finally a moment of truth!

📖CPWikia: he didn’t care about being arrested,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Because he didn't get arrested the first time, so he knew if he was the perp this time, the police might believe him rather than his victims. It had worked in Randy's favour before.

📖CPWikia: and he didn’t care if his dad got fired.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Because all the better, they could always move back to New Orleans, which is what he wanted anyway.

📖CPWikia: All he cared about, in that fraction of time, was hurting Keith.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Of course. Because it's all about self-gratification with him.

🐨Mary: Jeff never cared about anything but himself and his own gratification. Period.

📖CPWikia: Keith tried to make a run for it, hoping to squeeze through the small gap between Jeff and the door. However, Jeff clipped him a hard right hand to his face, causing Keith to stagger back again. Jeff could see that his knees were buckling, and took full advantage. He moved in, pinning Keith to the wall, and began to deliver blow after blow to the skinny kid’s stomach. Keith’s eyes became as large as saucers. Once satisfied, Jeff stepped back, and watched in demonic glee as Keith slowly slid down the wall, gasping for air.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Disgusted scowl* So Jeffrey, feeling more at home yet?

🐨Mary: *Tosses a dirty sock at Jeff*

📖CPWikia: Randy got back to his feet, but seemed to have no idea what to do.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Disappointed, frustrated expression* I'd love this if it hadn't been Jeffrey to put Randy in his place. But since it was Jeffrey, this so-called victory is utterly hollow.

🐨Mary: It's too bad it had to be Jeff putting him in that state. I can think of a bunch of other people who could and would be cheered on by me.

📖CPWikia: “We done now Randy? We good, or do you and your friends need more?” Jeff mocked.

🐨Mary: No. No more. I want my money back.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: You will be giving a lot more in future, Jeffrey, but not to Randy. And you won't be "savouring" anything.

📖CPWikia: “No more, we’re cool..."

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes*

🐨Mary: Nothing's cool about this or any of you.

📖CPWikia: “How about you arseholes?” Jeff asked.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: How about you shut up or die?

🐨Mary: How about you all take a one-way hike out of here?

📖CPWikia: “It was Randy’s idea…” Keith said weakly.

🐨Mary: NO CRAP!

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Cowards.

📖CPWikia: “Yeah man, we didn’t even want to,” Troy agreed.

🐨Mary: Oh man, you guys just suck up to whoever you think is most intimidating. wow. that's the difference between actual friends, and flunkees like you.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Cowards.

📖CPWikia: The debate may have continued,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Not a debate. A fight.

📖CPWikia: but the sound of a returning car broke the tension.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Huh? That didn't take long. Only time enough for Randy to drag Jeffrey down to the garage, show off the flare gun, the two sidekicks show up right away, a few fighting words, then one fight later, and the moms are back.

🐨Mary: What? The posturing session and the fight went on too long to read through, but put into the context of actual, well, action, it would've flown by. Not much time at all. So the parents had a seriously short trip. Why?

📖CPWikia: “Oh crap, my mom is back!” Randy shouted, his voice cracking in a humorous way.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: The only actually funny part of this whole thing, not because of Jeffrey of course, but thinking of Randy getting heck for touching his dad's stuff.

📖CPWikia: It seemed that the previous tough guy had all but shrunk back to a scared child.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: I'd love to see him catch it from his parents for fooling around with their stuff and causing fights.

🐨Mary: I would be laughing too, if his butt-kicking had been delivered by someone worth while. But it had to be Jeff. *Groan*

📖CPWikia: “So, we’ll just say that we were all hanging out,” Keith replied.

🐨Mary: Oh, you guys are unbelievable! *Rolling eyes*

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Cowards.

📖CPWikia: “No, the flaring flare gun, if she finds out that I messed with it, I’m screwed!”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Haha Randy! See where your bullying got you? Explain that to your parents.

🐨Mary: Well Randy, you really messed up, didn't you? Lol I'd like to see you get in trouble, just not with Jeff.

📖CPWikia: “So put it back,” Jeff suggested. That sensation of rage was fading again, and he felt control returning.

🐨Mary: *Sigh* Blah blah blah.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Bollox. He's too power-hungry to have any real control. I don't care of his anger subsides temporarily, he'll want another violence fix soon.

📖CPWikia: “Yeah, grab the magazines, please,” Randy begged.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Actually, I'd love to see all of these kids get in big trouble for messing around with this stuff.

📖CPWikia: Jeff found that he rather liked that tone, that begging, whipped dog mentality.

🐨Mary: *Scowls at Jeff* And I hate you!

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Withering glare at Jeffrey* I utterly hate you!

📖CPWikia: Jeff was paying no attention to Randy;

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: But I thought he liked his whipped dog tone. Yet he wasn't paying attention - which was it?

📖CPWikia: he was down on the floor calmly gathering the magazines. He didn’t really care if Randy got in trouble or not, however, if his mother returned and found trouble, he feared that Liu may not be able to return home as promised.

Ocean Elf&🐨Mary: Yeah right.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Jeffrey is not capable of that depth of feeling.

🐨Mary: He doesn't want Liu back out of any real love, it's all power with this kid.

📖CPWikia: Everything else happened in a flash, both literally and figuratively.

🐨Mary: *Yawn* If you say so...

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Let me guess, the gun went off.

📖CPWikia: Randy, now in a panic over the trouble he’d be in if he was caught playing with the flare gun, had begun to sweat. As his hands frantically clawed over the gun, his thumbs pushed the hammer back, unintentionally. He didn’t even notice that the gun was cocked. He was turning it over in his hands, trying to quickly disarm it. He then heard the sound of keys in the front door. He knew that he had only seconds now to hide it.

🐨Mary: Yeah, stupid Randy, look what trouble you got yourself into.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Randy's gonna get - it! Ha, ha, ha-ha, ha!

📖CPWikia: Everything else happened in slow motion.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Wait, you said everything happened in a flash. That isn't slow motion.

🐨Mary: Wait, first you said it was a flash, now you say slow motion, which is it?

📖CPWikia: The gun slipped from Randy’s sweaty hands as he’d attempted to rotate it once more. He saw it fall to the floor, seeming to float to the ground, rather than fall.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, yeah, I see how for Randy, that fraction of a second could seem like forever. Ha!

📖CPWikia: Jeff, busy stacking the magazines, had only enough time to register Randy’s shocked gasp. He turned to look in the boy’s direction, just in time to see the bright red flare gun hit the floor. The gun discharged, launching a speeding ball of fire directly into Jeff’s face.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Okay, I knew fire would have to figure into this somewhere. Makes much more sense than the original story's version.

📖CPWikia: Jeff felt the hot flash of heat and pain tear across the left side of his face. After the initial registry of agony, there was no more thinking. Jeff began to scream, clutching the left side of his face and rolling around on the floor.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Pretty natural reaction. Either that or try to run, something you shouldn't do when on fire, but who could think clearly then?

But wait, Jeffrey is probably going to find some sort of ecstasy in this.

🐨Mary: Okay, that is one of very few things that actually makes sense. The way the fire started in this version is a hundred times more convincing than the original.

📖CPWikia: For a while he forgot everything, as he was plunged into that dark, rich syrup once more,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, gag me! Burning in agony is not dark rich syrup! It is hell!

🐨Mary: Oh stop. Please, stop with the syrup. It's making me sick.

📖CPWikia: the rage almost serving to dull the pain.

🐨Mary: Then Jeff is one sick - oh, wait, we already knew that.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Rage can dull some sensations, but I'm pretty sure not the agony of being burned. But then, Jeffrey is a masochist.

📖CPWikia: When he finally did come to a stable level of alertness, he realized he was in a hospital room.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: No crap.

📖CPWikia: Half of his face was bandaged, he knew that much. He wanted to open his eyes and speak, let his family know he was awake, but the drugs still had a firm hold. He was awake, but not quite yet functioning. He could hear several familiar voices though.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: I'm more interested in what kind of heck Randy caught for messing around with the flare gun.

🐨Mary: Yeah...

📖CPWikia: “Is he going to be okay doctor?” Jeff’s mother asked.

🐨Mary: Oh, now that he's been injured this badly, you finally give a crap. Aaaaaagh!

and no, he won't be all right. He never was. But now, he'll get even worse.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, sheesh! It took this long and this much to suddenly get concerned? *Facepalm*

📖CPWikia: “Oh yes ma’am, your son will be fine, however, he will have a lengthy road to recovery, and will need your support. The flare struck his face and caused 3rd degree burns on his left side.”

“How bad is the eye?” Jeff’s father asked.

“Hard to say at this point, he’ll need to see an optometrist for further review, but the damage appears quite severe.”

🐨Mary: Are you sure about that? I think it's the ophthalmologist, not an optometrist he needs to see.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Ophthalmologist.

📖CPWikia: “And his face? What about his face?” Jeff’s mother asked, sounding deeply concerned.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, ruddy hex! I can just see where this is going! If all of the above has failed to make the readers sorry for Jeffrey and totally hate his parents, just make them so utterly shallow that all they care about is his blasted appearance, forget about everything else that could've gone wrong in that blasted flare fire! *Headdesks repeatedly*

📖CPWikia: “Well, we were able to clean and treat the injury in time, so you’ve no concern for infection or anything of that matter. We’ll want him on antibiotics for a while, and he’ll need to have the wound cleaned and dressed on a regular basis, but all in all, your son got very lucky. The damage could have been more severe.”

🐨Mary: That doesn't mean he still can't get infections. He's not healed by any stretch.

📖CPWikia: “Doctor,” his mother began again, “What if there is permanent damage? What do we do about that?”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Permanent is permanent. Deal with it!

🐨Mary: if it's permanent damage, it's permanent. You can't do anything but live with it.

📖CPWikia: “As I said, an optometrist will have to examine the eye…”

Ocean Elf and 🐨Mary: No.

🐨Mary: An ophthalmologist.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: An optometrist is where you go to get glasses.

📖CPWikia: Shelia Woods interrupted the doctor, sounding more agitated then before, “You’re not listening, not the eye, his face! What do we do to correct his face?” she demanded.

🐨Mary: *Facewall, screaming* !!!!!! You don't care so much that he could go blind in one eye, but you only care that he might have a scar on his face? What in the freaking afterburner is wrong with you, lady!?

Excuse me! I'm going to throw a private little tantrum! Break for commercial. Be back shortly!

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Fistwall* Gaaaaaaaaaah! I'm too ticked off to come up with anything coherent!

🐨Mary: *Sig, braces self* Now that I've taken some time to think, I can guess what's going on here.

It's like this: Let's make the parents as totally cold-hearted and shallow as we possibly can so that the reader will have some sympathy for Jeff when he kills them.

Not going to work with me.

The parents are as unbelievable in this version as in the original, and this doesn't get Jeff off the hook for killing his original parents plus all victims since.

📖CPWikia: “Well ma’am, we have treated his face, like I said, there shouldn’t be a risk of infection so long as you….”

She cut him off again, “Not the infection, his…. his appearance? What can we do for that?”

🐨Mary: Shut it!

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Cram it!

📖CPWikia: “Miss Woods, that’s hardly a concern at this point. Once he is healed and back on his feet, you can possibly explore plastic surgery to repair some of the damage, but honestly, right now, we can’t waste concern on how he looks. What is important is that your son is healthy. He can expect to be back home in a few days, maybe sooner.”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Because Jeffrey can heal himself super fast... Right.

🐨Mary: A few days? For third degree burns? I don't think so.

📖CPWikia: Jeff’s dad spoke again, “Okay, thank you doctor. Can we have some time alone please; my wife and I need to speak.”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh yay, now we get treated to a fight "I want him pretty or nobody will like us!" It's more important he's okay!" thing. Oh, brother, this really sucks!

📖CPWikia: “Certainly,” the doctor replied.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Sigh*

📖CPWikia: “Liu, why don’t you go down to the hospital cafeteria and get yourself a snack?” Matt Woods suggested.

“But I want to be here in case Jeff wakes up,” Liu replied.

🐨Mary: There, you finally let Liu be Liu.

📖CPWikia: “Liu, they told us that Jeff is heavily medicated. They don’t expect him to wake up anytime tonight. So, just go, and if he does come around, we’ll have you paged,” Matt replied.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: But the story already said Jeff was awake, just doped up.

📖CPWikia: Jeff heard the door open and close as Liu exited.

His parents both let out a long shaky sigh, but Jeff was starting to believe it was not a sigh of relief, but rather one of stress.

🐨Mary: Well no crap, a person can sigh from both stress and relief all at the same time.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Of course, you'd want me thinking his parents aren't relieved, because I'm supposed to hate them and feel sorry for Jeffrey. Not working. Jeff is still a killer, and the way these parents were written in as such villainous pieces of crap sucks out loud.

📖CPWikia: “We’re going to have to home school him now Matt, that’s just what it’s going to be, we’re going to have to keep him home!” he heard his mother rant, her voice sounding frantic.

🐨Mary: Oh, for gosh sakes!

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Scowl* For the ruddy love! Enough of that already!

📖CPWikia: “What? I mean, he probably won’t be able to start school right on time, but I doubt he’ll miss a whole year!” his father responded, trying to maintain a calmer voice.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: He'll stop going to school after he kills you guys.

📖CPWikia: “I’m not talking about that Matt, I’m not worried about him missing a week or two of school. I mean his face Matt, you heard what the doctor said, his face is going to be…. disfigured!” Shelia argued back.

🐨Mary: Yours will be if you don't shut up! And I don't mean by Jeff, either. *Balls hand into fist*

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Facepalm* Okay, I've had it! Rant coming up shortly!

📖CPWikia: “We don’t even know the full extent of the damage yet Shelia, it could be minor, it could possibly heal, and you heard what he said, plastic surgery could be an option in time.”

🐨Mary: Yeah, fine, can we move on now?

📖CPWikia: “In time? What kind of time? A year, two years, and what about in the meantime? People are going to see him and they’re going to talk, is that what you want? He’s going to be a…. a pariah! You think anyone is going to want to have him around their kids?”

🐨Mary: Oh, FCOL! You're as bad as Randy!

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: If that's all you care about, Shelia, why the heck did you move to a place where you thought everybody else was this shallow? Oh, because that's all you care about - by design. *Pfft* This story sucks as bad as the original.

📖CPWikia: Jeff was hearing all of this,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: But he's not human, so wouldn't be effected the same way as someone with a conscience and who is capable of love.

So this next "Please pity poor Hard Luck Jeffrey!" thing isn't working here.

Instead of wasting pity on Jeffrey, anyone reading this could think of it this way:

Be glad these monstrosities of parents are so thoroughly bad and two-dimensional that they ought to make most anyone glad their own aren't so bad.

Instead of feeling sorry for Jeffrey and thinking of parents as these shallow uncaring snobs whom Jeffrey is somehow justified in brutally terrorizing and killing, how about making the best of things with one's own parents, through good as well as bad times?

📖CPWikia: just letting it soak in, slowly.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: I don't care about Jeffrey's soaked head.

📖CPWikia: As his mind absorbed the words,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: He started planning in earnest something he'd thought about ever since he was with these parents, how he was going to kill them.

📖CPWikia: he felt that rage return.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Of course he did. It's the strongest, most constant motivation for him, a sick rage that makes him addicted to violence.

📖CPWikia: Sick,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Definitely.

📖CPWikia: rich, dark,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Dark, yes. Rich, no.

📖CPWikia: that syrup of raw, primal emotion.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, do stop with the freaking syrup already! Rage isn't a syrup, it's a feeling. Doesn't matter how primal, raw, and in Jeffrey's case, animalistic, it's an emotion, not a syrup.

📖CPWikia: He wanted to scream at his mother, to tell her to shut up, that he was the one lying here, half his face burned, blind in one eye, all thanks to her forcing him to go over to Randy’s house.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: He's wrong. The burns were Randy's fault. Nobody knew that idiot would use a flare gun.

📖CPWikia: He wanted to ask her why she left, why she went off to go shopping or have her nails done or whatever it was that she did.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: She wasn't gone long enough for that.

📖CPWikia: He wanted to know why she’d leave him alone with a kid who just days before tried to jump him and his brother.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: There's no making any sense out of that.

📖CPWikia: He wanted to know how she could care more about his appearance than the fact that he was lying in the hospital.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Again, no sense at all.

🐨Mary: Yeah right. I see what you're doing here, and it's just not working for me.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: It was a super crappy role she was pressed into playing, as a really, really bad plot device, all to prop up this uber Gary Stu.

🐨Mary: What I'd like to know is how in the world these two so-called parents, oh, that's right, they aren't his real parents, they were assigned. Still, how they could be so callous.

Oh, right, that's all done to build up a case of sympathy for Jeff Gary Stu.

*Rolling eyes*

And can we stop with the syrup? Please!?

📖CPWikia: However, there was still so much more that he wanted to know as well.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Yadda yadda yada. "Why move here? Why send Liu away? Why believe Randy? Why can't I have a TV in my room? Why can't I have my own flare gun?" Well I couldn't resist those last two. And most of all, "When will I come home so that I can stab you to death? Everybody will be too sorry for me when they read how bad you were and I'll never get convicted. Hahahaha!"

📖CPWikia: He wanted to know how much more his mother hated him,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: In order to justify his own sick impulses screaming inside him to kill kill kill.

📖CPWikia: how much more she saw him now as a, how did she put it, a pariah.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: All to create a big sob story when people were found brutally murdered later on and he cut and run.

📖CPWikia: He wanted to continue to swim

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, not with the stupid swimming again!

📖CPWikia: in the thick pool of dark hatred that was starting to form from the rage and anger.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Rage and anger? Redundancy, and going from the more intense to the lesser. Anger comes before rage in intensity.

📖CPWikia: That was a new one now.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Right, now he actually had a focus for his blood lust. Before, it had always been him wanting to hurt and kill things when not even being particularly angry. And when he was angry, he killed birds and stuffed them in his dresser drawers. Now he had an excuse to do what he always wanted, to kill human beings.

📖CPWikia: Before it was anger, then it was anger mixed with pleasure.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: The two don't go together. And this boy was obviously just born mad.

📖CPWikia: But now, now it was anger mixed with hatred.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Actually the hatred was probably always there, just without a real focus until both sets of parents messed up badly enough.

📖CPWikia: And while he certainly longed to be free of it,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: It? Or them?

📖CPWikia: while he most certainly preferred the false sense of love and concern he believed he’d heard from her before,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Until he'd done something utterly appalling to frighten her and Matt into moving away, something this story fails to mention, because we're supposed to think of Jeffrey as this poor innocent victim who just wanted to be loved. *Rolling eyes*

📖CPWikia: he also wanted to test it out a bit more.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah. "Let's see how much I hate everybody. Can I really kill them and pull it off?"

📖CPWikia: He also began to wonder, how well would this new recipe blend with pleasure,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Facepalm* Cut the stupid 'recipe' thing! It's not a recipe, it's the sick mind of a killer...!

📖CPWikia: how would it feel?

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: To kill someone? Probably the same rush he gets killing songbirds, only much more intense since it's human prey.

🐨Mary: Ugh! Cut the stupid 'recipe' thing. I don't want what Jeff is cooking, I don't like this half-baked story, it's still rotten.

📖CPWikia: Matt Woods began to speak again, “I just can’t believe he shot himself in the face with a flare gun. I always thought Jeff was more responsible than that.”

🐨Mary: That was Randy, you nitwit, not Jeff.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: So Randyis still up to his lying tricks again...

📖CPWikia: “Don’t even get me started on that,” Shelia replied, “I couldn’t believe it when Randy and his friends explained to the medics and police how it all happened.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah, you shouldn't have believed it, you idiot!

Can we go now?

📖CPWikia: Randy was just trying to show Jeff around his house, and wanted to show him the collection of magazines his dad kept in the garage. You know boys; he was probably hoping that a couple of Playboys would be in there or something. Then he said Jeff found the box containing the flare gun, and just wouldn’t stop playing around with it. You should have heard those other boys Matt, they told me that they practically begged Jeff to just put it down before he got hurt, but he just had to show off. I just don’t know where we went wrong Matt. I thought us moving out here to a nice quiet neighborhood would make everyone happy. Jeff though, he just, he just wants to fight us on everything.”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Jeffrey was always a problem, but believing those bully boys is stupid beyond the pale.

🐨Mary: Where you went wrong.

You wanted your own kids to apologize to the bullies who tried to steal their bikes. You tried forcing them to make friends with these same bullies. You got more upset over Jeff's appearance than anything else about the burns. and now, you actually believe these lying scumbag bully kids' stupid stories! *Stamp* That's where you went wrong!

📖CPWikia: And while all that came together in Jeff’s mind, he continued to swim in

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, give it a rest!

📖CPWikia: that black ichor of hatred and rage.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Please. He always had those two emotions. Only now, he's actually got a reason he can point them to.

📖CPWikia: The morphine drip added a nice touch of euphoria,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Euphoria doesn't get anywhere near hatred and rage. Not even with morphine in the equation.

🐨Mary: Sick sick sick.

📖CPWikia: Jeff could almost see himself,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh come on. All Jeffrey ever really sees, is Jeffrey.

📖CPWikia: plunging into the syrupy waters of hatred,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Headdesk* Quit with the stupid - hey wait, maybe somebody injected Jeffrey with liquid hate at some point. Maybe he got that from Jane after their close encounter and nearly killed each other. That's why he's so stuck on syrup.

📖CPWikia: and emerging changed.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Not really. He's always been bad.

📖CPWikia: Each dip brought him so much twisted pleasure.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Ever since he started killing songbirds, I know. and now he thinks he can get the ultimate rush by killing people too.

📖CPWikia: And that was when he finally understood.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah sure. "Oh, hurray! Now I really have someone I hate so much, someone who treated me so bad that I can kill them and surely get away with it! Hahahaha what a rush!"

📖CPWikia: He could sample the pleasure now.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Cut the 'sampling' crud! He's not at a restaurant, he's in a hospital, plotting some murders...!

📖CPWikia: Not because he was enjoying what was happening,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: But he was feeling hateful pleasure. Yet not enjoying. Pleasure he was not enjoying. Yeah, makes sense. Not. I don't care.

📖CPWikia: but because he knew he could enjoy what was to come.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Because he had a big night of terror planned out. This time it wasn't just songbirds, or the neighbour's pets, or someone's baby getting hurt or killed. This time it would be people who had power over him and made him move somewhere he didn't want to be. Just like it had been in original story.

🐨Mary: *Vomits* There goes that ice cream I just had while I was calming down.

Any more syrup and I'll be the one in need of a hospital. This is killing me.

Jeff will regret what's coming. That's all I can say.

📖CPWikia: Just as the doctor had predicted, Jeff was scheduled to go home a few days later. During his time at the hospital, he never asked to see his face. It wasn’t until the last day that he finally asked for a mirror. The nurse had come in to change his bandages, as was the routine. She was a pleasant woman, she spoke to him, asked him how he was doing. He enjoyed her visits.

🐨Mary: Oh I'm sure he did...

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes* He probably thought he could bang her too.' And now we get treated to the big moment where he gets to see his face. *Sigh* I couldn't care less except for identifying purposes.

📖CPWikia: So, on the final day, when she arrived to clean and dress his face, he asked to see himself.

🐨Mary: *Sigh* Big OMG moment coming up.

📖CPWikia: “Are you sure sweetheart? Would you like me to call in your parents first?” she asked.

🐨Mary: Ugh!

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Gags* Cut the "sweetheart" stuff. Please! since when does a nurse talk to a prepubescent boy that way? Save that for three-year-old girls who want to be princesses.

📖CPWikia: “No thank you,” Jeff replied, “I think I want to see it for myself first, without them standing over me.”

“I understand,” she replied honestly, without a hint of pretension.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Blah blah blah.

🐨Mary: Fine. At least she can do her job.

📖CPWikia: Once the bandages were off, she handed him a small hand mirror.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Blah blah blah.

📖CPWikia: “Would you like me to step out of the room?” she asked.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Sigh* Drag drag drag.

🐨Mary: FCOL just get on with it already. I'm not exactly waiting with baited breath here, I just want this over.

📖CPWikia: Jeff ignored her and looked at himself, taking stock of the damage. Sure enough, his face was a mess. The entire left side at least. The flare struck him traveling upwards, and burned a scar into his left cheek that extended to his eye. At first glance, it almost looked like he was smiling on that side. The scar was still bright red, and burn tissue spread out on either side. Once it arrived at his eye, the news did not get any better. His eye was white, just a lifeless bulb plugged into his face. He closed his right eye, and found that he could see nothing from his left eye at all. The scar continued up the left side of his forehead. The damage was less severe there however. The hair on the left side of his head was burned off, leaving a few strands to stick up here and there.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Notice no shock here?

🐨Mary: I'm surprised he didn't have a lightning bolt shaped scar on his forehead.

📖CPWikia: “Sorry sweetie, but I have to put clean bandages on,” she told him.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Ugh! Any more "sweeties" and I will hurl!

🐨Mary: Oh, knock of the sweeties! Nobody talks to a teenage boy that way without getting some indignant reaction.

📖CPWikia: Jeff smiled, “It’s okay, there will be plenty to time for me to admire myself later.”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes*

🐨Mary: See? He already thinks he's "beautiful".

📖CPWikia: There was no joy from his parents on the ride home, or upon arrival.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Scowl* Look, I get it. they're rotten. I get it I get it I get it! Just end this already!

📖CPWikia: They spoke very little, and there was a tension in the car that simply wouldn’t fade out.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: This story keeps sucking more and more.

📖CPWikia: As for Liu, he was thrilled that his brother was okay, but he didn’t know what to say concerning the damage to his face. So, after asking a few questions about the accident and the recovery, he fell silent as well.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Blah...Blah...Blah...

🐨Mary: Blah.

📖CPWikia: They walked into their home at dusk and Liu asked about dinner. He suggested they let Jeff pick a place, to celebrate his return home.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes* And that'll go over, pardon the reference, swimmingly...

🐨Mary: Oh FCOL now Shelia's gonna have a conniption "We can't take *HIM* out in public! *Scowl*

📖CPWikia: “Just go to sleep, both of you boys, go to sleep,” Shelia remarked. She and her husband both retreated to their bedrooms as well, to argue or feel sorry for themselves, who knew?

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Facepalm, rolling eyes* Oh, for the love!

🐨Mary: FCOL. Now Jeff gets a handy dandy excuse to say "Go to sleep" when he kills. *Scowl* Wow this sucks.

📖CPWikia: Jeff and Liu didn’t speak much that night. Jeff spent most of the evening staring at himself in the mirror.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Because he thinks he's scary and "beautiful" *Scowl*

📖CPWikia: He kept pulling back the bandages and looking at the scars.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Sigh* Bor-ring.

📖CPWikia: Liu wanted to see them too, but felt that it might be imprudent to ask.

🐨Mary: Fine, whatever.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: I don't care.

📖CPWikia: “I’m glad you’re home Jeff, I really missed you and I’m glad you’re okay,” Liu said to Jeff as he stared at himself.

🐨Mary: He said to Jeff as he, Liu, stared at himself? Well, it could be taken that way.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: And how does Jeffrey repay Liu later? By murdering their new assigned parents.

📖CPWikia: “I’m not okay Liu, and neither are you. None of us are really. There is a sickness here. The only difference is, now my sickness shows on the outside as well,” Jeff replied, his voice as flat as that on an answering machine.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, cry me a freaking ocean, Jeffrey. Burns don't show sickness on the outside. You were always sick, and these rotten parents were simply assigned as plot devices to garner you sympathy, which you're not getting from me.

🐨Mary: Yeah, I could say the sickness was passed down, but these parents are only assigned in this story... So, not really related to Jeff and Liu at all.

📖CPWikia: “What are you talking about?” Liu asked.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Don't ask, there's no logical explanation for this load of crap.

📖CPWikia: “One day, you’ll see it too. This is what happens though, this is what happens when it all falls down,” Jeff said, still peeking behind his bandages.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Sigh* this is dragging on way too long.

📖CPWikia: “Jeff, I don’t know what you’re trying to say,” Liu responded.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Don't try to understand this creep, just get out while you can.

🐨Mary: He's making a very veiled threat, that he's actually a killer at heart.

📖CPWikia: Jeff didn’t reply though, and after several moments, Liu left him alone. Liu went down to his parent’s bedroom and knocked on the door.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, good gads, just move on already!

🐨Mary: *Sigh* Oh, forget it, Liu, they're hopeless. By design.

📖CPWikia: “What is it?” the voice of his mother asked.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, nothing important, just go back to sleep... *Rolling eyes*

🐨Mary: *Rolling eyes*

📖CPWikia: “Mom, I think Jeff is acting weird, you may want to come talk to him."

🐨Mary: *Frown* Don't count on her caring.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Forget it, Liu.

Can we move on now?

You've already made the point lastingly clear how cruel and uncaring these poor excuses of parents are.

That still doesn't get Jeffrey off the hook with me, not for anything he's done in this or any other situation...

📖CPWikia: “Go away Liu, leave your mother alone,” his father’s voice answered.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Hey stupid! He was trying to get both your attention! *Fuming* Gah, this sucks!

📖CPWikia: Liu, being young,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Jeffrey is just about as young here...

📖CPWikia: had no other ideas, so he returned to his own bedroom.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Well what else could he or anyone do with these two-dimensional horrible plot device characters? they're written in as utterly hopeless.

📖CPWikia: He didn’t know that those would be the last words he’d ever hear his parents speak to him.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: But I figured as much... *Rolling eyes*

🐨Mary: *Frowns and sighs* I'm out of things to say. This sucks.

📖CPWikia: That night, Shelia and Matt Woods awoke together, both being light sleepers, it took little to bring them out of slumber. The sudden removal of their blanket, as it was snatched from the bed, did the trick just fine.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Try that with me, Jeffrey, and you'll end up clobbered.

📖CPWikia: They awoke to see a small light coming from the half-bath that was situated in their master bedroom. The door was cracked only slightly,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Open.

📖CPWikia: and the light source was weak.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: If it was too strong, it would probably hurt their eyes.

📖CPWikia: They could make out a human shape, standing over their bed though.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: I know. Jeffrey. And he's got his best friend the knife with him.

🐨Mary: Yeah, Jeff is there to kill them. *Scowl*

📖CPWikia: “What, what is going on?” Shelia grumbled.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes* Oh please!

🐨Mary: FCOL.

📖CPWikia: As their vision came into focus, they realized their son was standing before them.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Figured as much. This is the night they die.

📖CPWikia: Matt reached over and flipped on the lamp next to their bed. Jeff was standing there,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Of course. Liu is far too nice to yank their covers off and then stand and gawk at them.

📖CPWikia: his bandages off, his disfigured face

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Still no pity or admiration from me over that...

📖CPWikia: beaming down on them,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Because he's on a real murderous high.

📖CPWikia: with a long kitchen knife clutched in his right hand.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Yep, he's got his best buddy with him too. *Scorn*

🐨Mary: *Scowl* And he kills them.

📖CPWikia: “What are you doing son?” Matt asked, his mind still trying to shake out the cobwebs of sleep.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: You see him with a knife, beaming at you maniacally, you should be reaching for the phone to call 911, not trying to talk him down.

🐨Mary: He's there to kill you.

📖CPWikia: “He’s got a knife!” Shelia screamed, grabbing at her husband’s arm. Matt kept his composure though.

🐨Mary: Why? This isn't the time to stay calm. These people should be in fight or flight mode.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: This is no time to be slow and steady. Call for help, or at least give it a try.

Knowing Jeffrey, he might've cut the phone line.

📖CPWikia: “Shelia, it’s probably the painkillers, he likely got up and got disoriented, relax for cripesake.” (edit)

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes* Oh, ruddy hex! No, it is not the painkillers! Those don't turn someone into a homicidal maniac.

🐨Mary: Bull. Painkillers don't do that. And don't blaspheme.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah, cut the blaspheming. Obviously replaced that with 'cripes' if you wish, but I will never understand why people who don't believe in Christ, feel the need to use his name as some kind of swear or outburst word.

📖CPWikia: Jeff tilted his head to one side, still not speaking. He stared hard at his father, slowly bringing the knife up, ensuring that he saw it well.

🐨Mary: Of course. Jeff totally loves having power over other people. Always did. Especially when it's the kind of power that terrifies.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Glares at Jeffrey* always trying to amplify someone's terror before killing. Yeah Jeffrey, I don't care about your sucky life story, you're still sadistic trash and you get no sympathy, support, or love from me...!

📖CPWikia: “Son, what are you doing?” Matt asked.

🐨Mary: he's there to kill you. I thought I mentioned that already.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Stop asking already!

Oh, this must be that weird slow-mo kicking in again, same stupid thing that overcame everyone else in the original story so that Jeff and all the horrible bullies could run rampant.

📖CPWikia: “Scaring you,” Jeff replied, with no emotion in his voice.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Why would there be any emotion? Jeffrey thinks he's being super cool and super badarse for that.

🐨Mary: No crap. *Rolling eyes*

📖CPWikia: “Matt... do something!” Shelia pleaded.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Look you two, it's two of you against one of him, so yeah, do something other than lie there to let him finish you off! *Fuming* Gah!

🐨Mary: *Sighs* When is this going to be over?

📖CPWikia: “Okay son, I realize you’ve been through a lot, but you need to go back to bed. I’m going to call the doctor in the morning and….”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Ruddy hex! Call 911 now!

📖CPWikia: Jeff moved quickly across to his father’s side of the bed, his head moving about, alternating between a normal looking young man and the deformed ghoul that had been lurking in the shadows.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: He was never normal. He's a ghoul. Always was.

🐨Mary: He's a ghoul, end of story.

📖CPWikia: “Okay son, you’ve scared me, is that what you wanted?” Matt asked, adjusting to the middle of the bed to put distance between himself and his son.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Don't kid yourself. It's never enough for greedy bloodthirsty Jeffrey.

🐨Mary: If you think that's enough for that power-tripping, sadistic monster, you'll find out differently unless you take action and defend yourselves somehow. There could never be enough terror, people cowering, blood and guts spilled, or tears shed for Jeff.

📖CPWikia: “Good, now I can start hurting you,” Jeff spoke again, with no emotion.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: No emotion no emotion blah blah blah. Like I said, Jeffrey thinks he's totally coo stuff.

He isn't.

*Glares and spits at Jeffrey*

🐨Mary: *Scowls at Jeff* You are exactly like Randy...!

📖CPWikia: His father had time to utter a single syllable, most likely to ask another question, to try and reason with his son.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: It should've dawned on him that you can't reason with Jeffrey.

📖CPWikia: Jeff however, gave him time to do no more than that.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: of course he didn't. *Disgusted scowl*

📖CPWikia: He lunged onto the bed, driving the knife into his father’s stomach.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Burning glare at Jeffrey* You will answer for that, too!

📖CPWikia: Matt attempted to fend Jeff off, but the wound to his midsection rendered him into shock,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Shock? Well, yeah, though that comes later with loss of blood. Pain would be what was preventing him from being able to defend himself.

*Glowers at Jeffrey*

📖CPWikia: and his arms fell to the side.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Continues glowering at Jeffrey*

📖CPWikia: Jeff could hear his mother screaming,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes* Generally when you're in the same room as someone who is screaming, you can hear them, unless you are deaf.

📖CPWikia: but paid no mind.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Scowl* Of course not. He was too busy getting high stabbing Matt, but wanted to maximize and prolong Shelia's terror before putting her to the knife of dooooooooooooom!

📖CPWikia: He wanted to finish with his father first.

🐨Mary: That is why I never had any sympathy for this raving sadistic monster, no matter how odious this story made his assigned parents out to be.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Death-stare at Jeffrey* You're really gonna get it, psycho brat!

📖CPWikia: Removing the knife, Jeff stabbed down into his stomach three more times, quickly.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Burning glower* Jeffrey is gonna get it in the bleeding neck! *Fuming*

📖CPWikia: His father gasped and coughed up blood, his body jerked and twitched each time the knife found its mark. After the third time, Matt Woods lay still.

🐨Mary: *Cringing and scowling* I really hate you, Jeff!

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Glowers, too ticked off to say anything*

📖CPWikia: Shelia had backed up against the headboard of the bed. She wanted to climb down, make a run for it, but she’d balled herself up between the headboard and the end table. In her frantic state of terror and confusion, she couldn’t figure out how to do something as simple as dismount a bed.

🐨Mary: Nothing's easy when you're faced with a knife-addicted scumbag.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Meanwhile, Jeffrey is too stupid to realize that knives belong in the kitchen, not stuck into human flesh... *Stormy expression*

📖CPWikia: “Jeff…. Why, why are you doing this to us?” she asked feebly.

🐨Mary: Because he can. And because he's a power-tripping, sadistic, control-freak.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, he'll throw a load of "You done me wrong" stuff that really doesn't matter now that he's gone and stabbed Matt to death.

📖CPWikia: “Randy started it,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Randy didn't stab Matt to death, Jeffrey. *Hard expression*

📖CPWikia: you must have known that, but you ignored it.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: So you thought you'd fix things by knifing people to death. *Expression remains harsh and unsympathetic*

📖CPWikia: Liu had a busted lip, you must have seen that, but you ignored it.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: So you try to solve the problem by stabbing people to death.

📖CPWikia: I was shot in the face with a flare gun, but you believed Randy, why?

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: There was once a time when all of that mattered. But not any more, Jeffrey. You flushed it all away with this stabbing. What you've done makes what they did, pale in comparison. Your story means nothing. You're a cold-blooded killer.

📖CPWikia: So you could fit in?” Jeff asked in a low, almost growling voice.

🐨Mary: No, those reasons all fall flat. Other people go through bad stuff and they don't end up stabbing even strangers let alone their parents.

Jeff, you've run out of claims for sympathy.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: You've gone passed the point of being owed any answers, Jeffrey, but one day when you get answers, you will wish you hadn't, and that you never agreed to inflict your presence on these people or anyone else.

📖CPWikia: “No baby, I believed you, it was, just, your father’s job…. And we’re new here, and…. Oh God Jeff please….” his mother begged.

🐨Mary: If you believed him, you should've said so. No boss is worth throwing your own kids under the buss.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Continues glowering at Jeffrey*

📖CPWikia: “Tell me about home school mom? Tell me all about how you don’t want to send me out in public because of my face. Tell me how none of the other kids will want to be my friend, and how none of their parents will want to be yours. Tell me about that mom, tell me how nice it’s going to be, you home schooling me…..”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Slapcounter* Shut it, Jeffrey!

🐨Mary: I'll tell you one thing. Shut up! You just stabbed your father to death, you pathetic, mewling brat!

📖CPWikia: “Jeff please, I was just stressed, I was worried about you that’s all… please I…. I love you…”

🐨Mary: That's way too late, and as of now, not even warranted. There was probably a time when Jeff actually deserved love, but not any more.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: You get no love from me, Jeffrey...!

📖CPWikia: “Mom, I think you should take your own advice, you know, what you told Liu when we got home tonight. He wanted to do something nice to welcome me home, and do you remember what you told us to do instead?” Jeff asked, as he now crawled over, cornering his mother on the bed.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Contempt, rolling eyes, glaring at Jeffrey* Oh boo-hoo-hoo for you, Jeffrey. Now this is where you get to say that stupid line of yours..........!

🐨Mary: *Rolling eyes*

📖CPWikia: “What did I say?” she asked, the question coming out barely a whisper.

🐨Mary: *Still rolling eyes*

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Don't ask. *Continues glaring at Jeffrey*

📖CPWikia: “Go to sleep!” Jeff snarled, and drove the knife into his mother’s chest. He stabbed her over and over again, and as he did, he finally found that perfect recipe,

🐨Mary: *Ticked off glare* Shut it! I'm *SICK* of your stupid 'recipe'! Your recipe stinks! Your syrup sucks! Get it out of here, now!

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Jeffrey, you can take your *STUPID* "recipe" and shove it down your throat, and choke on it! Nobody wants your freaking disgusting 'recipes! Nobody wants your stinking "syrup"! Go drown yourself!

📖CPWikia: that heavenly blend.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: For Jeffrey, it's "heaven". for somebody else, it's always hell.

🐨Mary: I don't want your hellish 'blend'! Away with it!

📖CPWikia: That rage, hate and pleasure all mixed into one perfect formula, and for a while, Jeff became lost in it all.

🐨Mary: *Scowl* Let's just call a spade a spade. Jeff is simply lost.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Get lost, Jeffrey, but you just try to stay off the radar. You've really mucked up this time. There will come a time when you'll wish you only had Randy to deal with.

📖CPWikia: Jeff opened his brother’s bedroom door, not surprised to find his brother asleep. He had dozed off with headphones in, so he slept through all the shouting.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: I was wondering where Liu was in all this. He must've had his music cranked up full volume.

🐨Mary: That explains well why Liu didn't awaken and get alarmed and go check things out. One of very few things that actually went right in this awful story.

📖CPWikia: That was fine with Jeff. It was easier that Liu not have to hear all of that.

🐨Mary: And easier for Jeff to sneak in and try to kill Liu too.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Since when did Jeff ever really care about Liu? Oh, right, never. Not really. No matter how he tried to wax all loving toward him in this crappy story, I was never convinced. This is Jeffrey - someone who was capable of stabbing people viciously to death and enjoying it. This was someone who loved the sense of having people beg before him like whipped dogs.

📖CPWikia: Jeff sat down on his brother’s bed and nudged him slightly. It took a moment, but Liu finally opened his eyes and looked up. Jeff removed his earphones for him.

🐨Mary: And at some point, Liu should tell that Jeff is covered in blood.

Jeff would have spilled a trail of blood and guts from Matt and Shelia's room to Liu's. he should also smell bad.

📖CPWikia: “You’re free now Liu,” he spoke softly.

🐨Mary: Not.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Bull...Crap...

🐨Mary: No brother of Jeff's could ever be free unless Jeff gets annihilated.

📖CPWikia: “Jeff, what… what are you talking about?” Liu mumbled, still half asleep.

“You’ll see in the morning.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: You bet he will, and he'll hate you from then on, or should. And he'd have every right to.

📖CPWikia: I just wanted to let you know I love you.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Pfft* Empty, meaningless, self-serving words. The only one you actually love, Jeffrey, is yourself. You love Liu? You tried to kill him before, along with your first set of parents. and now, you killed another set. So you have a really warped way of demonstrating love, Jeffrey.

📖CPWikia: You’ve been my best friend, remember that, okay?”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: And now you've gone and screwed that up, forever, well done, Jeffrey! *Sneer*

🐨Mary: Yeah sure. Liu was loving, but it's not as if Jeff really cared, he just pretended he did.

📖CPWikia: “Thanks, I… I love you too. Now, let me go back to sleep,” Liu replied, already dozing off again.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: I'm not sure Jeffrey didn't slip some kind of drug to Liu to make him so dozy.

🐨Mary: *Sigh* I'm going to need more comfort food after this.

📖CPWikia: Jeff smiled and stood up. As he left the room, he looked back at his sleeping brother one last time, before he vanished into the night.

🐨Mary: But Liu eventually found out what Jeff did anyway. So much for Jeff's "love".

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Liu awoke the next morning to blood and bits of human flesh everywhere, and found Matt and Shelia stabbed to death in their room. Jeffrey was gone, and so was the murder weapon.

Liu had to call 911 to report the crime, answer a bunch of questions, wait to be cleared, then was sent to live with his aunt.

🐨Mary: Ugh! That was horrible.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Yes. But that would be just like Jeff.

But as it turns out, the original story took place in New Jersey, not Luisiana or Wisconsin. Liu would end up helping Jeff hide from the cops, so he's not so innocent, either. How Jeff got his appearance, and turned to murder is also very different, but for one thing, the forced pity factor. In the original story, Jeff has an accident and gets shunned for his appearance. *Rolling eyes* Come on. society is supposed to be way past that mentality by now. In the notorious pasta that got deleted from the wikia and replaced with the dud just mangled here, had Jeff going nuts because of bullies, before his face got messed up - by the bullies. Then he really went wild.


Back to Jeff The Killer main page


Comment options: