This is completely different from anything out there concerning Slender Man. Here is where slendy gets met with anything but fear and admiration.


Q. How do you keep Slender Man occupied forever?

A. Make him do the Hokey Pokey.


Advice for Slender Man when he suffers from insomnia, don't count sheep, count your tendrils and tentacles.


Why Slender Man is stupider than a tree: He tries to be a tree, but he doesn't know that trees don't eat children.


A small talk opener for Slender Man" "Eaten any good children lately?"


Q. What's the difference between Slender Man and a politician?

A. One uses a teleprompter, the other uses teleport.


Q. What's the best job for Slender Man?

A. A clothes line.


Afraid of Slender man, what are you kidding? let's see. Pigeons would poop on his head. Squirrels and other birds would use him to make nests. Cats would use him as a scratching post, deer would try to eat him, dogs would mistake him for some kind of giant hydrant. Heh! It would suck to be him.


A few uses for Slender Man's tentacles.

1. Rope swings.

2. Rope fire fighters and rescue crews use.

3. Subway cables if they are particularly thick and stiff.

4. Fuel.

5. Firewood.


Ways to drive Slender Man crazy:

1. Put him in a paddling pool and tell him to tread water.

2. Make him do cartwheels.

3. tell him his helmet is on backward and no one can see his face.

4. Tell him his suit looks really good for one of those way out-of-style outfits and ask him which second-hand clothing store he got it from.

5. Tell him he's got the deepest shade of blue/green/hazel/brown eyes you've ever seen.

6. Tell him his attempt at inflicting memory loss on you must be working because you have forgotten why he's supposed to be scary or crush-worthy.

7. When he tries to scare you with his all-seeing, psych-out thing, glare back at him.

8. When he makes a demand, tell him no.

9. Remind him that he is not God.


Ways to bump Slender Man off:

1. Shove him into a quicksand pit.

2. Since he supposedly sees all without an eye in his head, give him something to see. Dazzle his sight sense, overload it with the brightest light show you can until he kills himself just to get away from it.

3. Throw him in a stormy ocean without a life raft or floating device of any kind. If the storm doesn't kill him, the sharks will.



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