To all those who can relate and to those who will in some day relate. List Of Random Thoughts On Things I've Learned From Adult Truths

Well, that's one way to turn four titles into one.

refinedrants posted the chain letter under the title Random Thoughts on their blog, on November 11, 2010.

David Jones posted the same chain email titled Adult Truths on Newsvine on November 22, 2011.

In May 2013, Jennifer Inglis received another mutation of this chain with some of the questions rearranged and others added in. That version was titled "List of Things I've Learned".

On January 13, 2019, that chain letter popped up in my email on a mailing list, this time under the title "To all those who can relate and to those who will in some day relate."

Let's mangle. These items show up in different places on different mutations, so to indicate this, some will have more than one number before them, "1/7" meaning the item is number one on one variant and 7 down on another.


😏😼Memes: 1/7. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Huh? Why? You know, unless you will your computer to your best friend along with this instruction, it's not even likely anyone else will touch your computer, and if they do, chances are good they'll clear out all of your stuff, to make room for their own, so, anyway - best friends dying - is something I really don't want to be thinking about. I've lost one best friend years ago and hope not to again.

😏😼Memes: 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Lol, um, you call this an "adult truth?" It happens to kids too, and I still remember it sucking pretty badly when I lost arguments growing up. But what sucks about as bad is chain letters, so there.

😏😼Memes: 3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: I don't, much as I love a good nap now and then, especially in the sun, I realize that I'm a bit different now from when I was a little kid who didn't want to take naps, and drove everyone nuts on trips asking for the time every few minutes and "Are we there yet?" Sense of time, and just living experience has taught me that I'm not going to miss out on much just by taking the odd nap. And, there are times of the year when I wish I didn't need to sleep at all. No, that wouldn't be in the winter time.

😏😼Memes: 4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: And just exactly how would that look? Would the letters be typed crooked or straight? Squared off, or loopy? Then you'd have to get a font for every other mood or expression and that would make such a mangled mess of the text that it would be unreadable. And, how would you mix the fonts? Say you're writing in a small, decorative type font, and suddenly you need a passage in sarcasm, but you can't write in big squared off, crooked type and the pretty decorative style at exactly the same time. What next? A happy font? A humor font? An angry font? A sad font? You see how silly this idea is, right? Maybe some of these are so close to real fonts that there's no way to tell which is which. Wow, unnecessary confusion.

And this whole sarcasm font is really getting to be a very stale old joke anyway, so how about dropping it now? Please?

😏Meme1: 5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: The same way you fold any other sheet, genius...

😼Meme2: 5. “Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what was going on when I first saw it.”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah, so what? You survived, didn't you? And sometimes I'll get the deeper meaning and from then on that movie will totally suck. Oh well.

😏😼Memes: 6/8. Was learning cursive really necessary?

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Um, Yes if you have a good pair of eyes and want to look like you got past the third grade in school… You have to at least know how to write your name in cursive.

😼Meme2: 6. “I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: and this idea was so amazing you actually thought it cool to make a chain letter about it? I mean, really? Since when is how people lug their groceries into their house worth spreading around on the net? Oh, hang on, maybe the real meaning of this isn't so much about the groceries. It is merely driving home this point: chain letters are utterly useless internet cloggers!

😏😼Memes: 7/11. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Maybe you do, but others who are - like - new to your neighbourhood, and they sorta like don't know THEIR way around, ever thought of that?

😏😼Memes: 8/12. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Ehhh, look, that's not what obituaries are for, to be "interesting" and some probably do mention how people died. In any case, you have a morbid idea of interesting. Have you ever considered a job as an embedded journalist in a war-torn country? You might want to give it some thought, it might be interesting enough for you.

😏Meme1: 9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Well I guess that's your problem then, because there are lots of times I'm not tired at all, and lots of times when I am. Anyway didn't you already sort of cover that in the complaint about not taking enough naps somewhere above?

😼Meme2: 9. “Whenever someone says ‘I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart’, all I hear is ‘I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart.’”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, for gosh sakes, when has anyone ever even talked that way? Look, there are different kinds of smart, but the real smart is actually getting over the smart thing altogether and just be the best you can be and let others be smart in their own way.

😏😼Memes: 10/13. Bad decisions make good stories.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: No, no, my friend, you got that wrong, it's the bad stories that make good decisions. Should I put that in sarcasm font for you?

😼Meme2: 10. “Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using ‘as in’ examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss’s last name to an attorney and said ‘Yes that’s G as in…(10 second lapse)..ummm…Goonies.’”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: I get it, Sometimes you're an airhead and proud of it. And you thought it cool to make a chain letter about it.. I get it, I just don't want it.

😏😼Memes: 11/15. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: That doesn't happen with me. Not unless I'm feeling off for some reason, which doesn't happen often.

😏😼Memes: 12/16. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after
😏Meme1: Blue Ray?
😼Meme2: DVDs?
😏😼Memes: I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Actually, I've ignored Blue Ray and it's all worked out for me swimmingly so far. I don't have a very big dvd collection.

😏😼Memes: 13/17. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: A change could be as simple as accidentally hitting a key, then having to delete it so your document actually isn't changed but when you exit the program, it takes your fumble-key and delete/backspace as changes! If this terrifies you, you scare very, very easily.

😏Meme1: 14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: How nice of you… Woops, should I have put that in sarcasm font again? Well, I wouldn't give you my number or want to call you anyway.

😼Meme2: 14. “Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from; this shouldn’t be a problem…”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Sigh* It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out this problem is known as SHYNESS! Believe me, chain letters aren't going to help you here.

😏Meme1: 15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Hello? My freezer does have a light. Oh, wait, were you talking about the deep freeze or that little freezer box section of the fridge? It's so small that it doesn't need a light. It's not like things can exactly be out of view in there.

😏Meme1: 16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: You kiss with beer? How do you manage that? I mean, most people begin kisses using their own two lips. And no beer in my house, nor do I even like dancing with someone who's got booze breath, so you wouldn't get a chance to begin any kiss with Miller Light with me, unless you want to end up with one of my fists decking you a good one in the kisser. Got it?

😏😼Memes: 17/1. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: So it would avoid your house? Okay, I guess I'm fine with that.

😏Meme1: 18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Whatever, well, goody for you. I like to eat whether I'm bored or not and if I get bored, I'm more likely to go to sleep if I can't find something to do. But I rarely get bored.

😼Meme2: 18. “I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.”

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: I never use shuffle. I need my stuff in order for music memorization for work. Either way, I like most everything on my iPod but for the few selections that came with the full albums that I need for some reason or other. So here's a fast solution for you, don't use shuffle.

😏Meme1: 19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Depends on you, depends on the situation, so try using other phrases like "Pardon?" "Could you please say that again?" "I'm sorry, I didn't catch that/hear you." You get the idea, right?

😏Meme1: 20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, and maybe this line of cars is actually a line of jerks and the one trying to pass really does need to get somewhere in a hurry…Jerk.

😏Meme1: 21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Explain the mud that splats onto my pants near the bottoms of the legs in slushy conditions. Explain what happens when I sometimes get the odd but very rare spillage of some food or drink? Pants can also get wrinkly so even if they're not actually dirty, washing them will nix that problem. If you wear anything long enough without washing it, it's gonna smell, too.

😏😏😼Memes: 22/1/19. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Yet you're aware of how many times you do this? You're weird.

😏😼Memes: 23/20. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Hah, I doubt it. In fact, I haven't got an alarm clock or a clock radio. If I did, I probably wouldn't get into the habit of using the snooze button. I can't reach something three feet away when lying in bed, and certainly not within a second when being rudely jolted awake.

😏Meme1: 24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Um, TMI, like I seriously needed to know this, why?

😏Meme1: 25. and the first helmet was used in 1974.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: And you're - shall we say, confused, right…………………

😏Meme1: 26. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: What sexist trash! You must be either a feminist or a man who thinks it's cool to be caveman, and feminists who only see men as savage sex-addicted cavemen. You've done nothing to dispel these rotten stereotypes.

Ya know, there still are men who are, again shall we say, confused, in this way. Hmm, no wonder you want your best friend wiping out your computer history when you croak.

Over and out.


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