Once there was this clown who fancied himself an escaped killer and sex offender, and he wanted to get revenge on everybody he hated, with stupid memes.
so he began writing a laughable story in which he killed all his enemies, then escaped from prison, then began dressing up as a clown wielding a chainsaw to scare children.
He nearly got caught once when creeping around with his fake chainsaw, so eventually ditched it for a toy knife with ketchup and food coloring smeared on it. That was smaller, so, easier to conceal when he wanted to do his stalker routine.
Unfortunately for him, his memes were discovered by an elf, who only grew more enraged instead of intimidated or indifferent by them. Instead, he got a bruised ego and feelings of unease when he saw her mangle every one of his memes she found.
The clown decided to lay low for a while, and when his memes slowed, that seemed to work.
But a sadistic trolling meme freak cannot resist the urge to meme for very long, so he tried again.
He sat at a computer one day, having re-spread his memes, and was absolutely giddy with glee at seeing it freak out some netizens. Now, he wanted to come up with more fake scare memes. "Carmen Winstead, Teddy, Bloody Mary, you dweebs have nothing on me! My memes will be the scariest! They'll scare way more people into spamming the net than all of yours put together!" he chortled as another story idea came into his head.
Oh, yeah! This'll work! A poem about myself! A super scary one that'll scare all those poor little stupid kids into crying and passing it on! And best of all, it won't get mangled now that I got that elf off my tail. Nobody can possibly touch me now, not even her! And for good fun, an I'll make an anti-chain to show I'm just clowning around, but actually I'm serious and creepy. But even the elf wouldn't dare mangle a parody, because it looks for all intent and purposes, all in good fun."
Or so he thought...
The clown finished up the poem and loosed it on cyberspace.
Whew! I got away this time! Pooey on you, Ocean Elf;!
But when he was about to start typing some more, he found he suddenly couldn't move.
His computer screen seemed to come closer to his face, and finally, it engulfed him altogether.
His vision swam, then went black.
Then the computer screen lit up with a scene - a children's room. It was even better than Second Life, the 3d effect was simply amazing! It was as if he was standing right in the middle of a kid's room.
The TV was on in another room, and a couple of kids seemed to be arguing over which show to watch. Clearly they were not scared, or just unaware of the stranger who had arrived in their room, frozen in place.
A tiny infant was heard crying from another room.
The brain-dozey sitter was another story, though, she had a smart phone (smarter than herself,) or PDa of some kind in which she was frantically trying to contact someone.
The scene went black for a moment, then shifted to a restaurant where a discussion was taking place at a cozy little table for two.
"For my part, we don't have to come here again." the woman complained.
"So much for that." said the man. "the soup was cold and watery."
"And then we had to wait while they grew the wheat to make the pasta," said his wife.
"And that table over there, coming in a full half hour after us, and they got their meal first. No, we'll never come back here again."
His cell rang.
Then the chain originator, now a frozen clown, heard the conversation going on between baby-sitter and father, just as he had written it.
The scene shifted again.
He was once again facing what looked like a computer screen, with the words of his stupid meme stories, in all their mutations. But there was other writing inserted throughout, and below it as his memes were getting very annoyed, derisive, jeering, outraged and even threatening responses from none other than the Ocean Elf.
A decidedly stern and jeering voice suddenly spoke from just behind him.
"So you thought you got the best of me, did ya, Clownie? And you still wanna be a forwarded clown statue, do you?"
Huh, wha!?" The clown cried out, jumping up from his computer, which, to his astonished relief, released him.
Next thing he knew, he was being turned in his chair to face the one confronting him.He gaped. How did the chair manage that? It was not a swivling chair. Something had gone wrong, and he was starting to realize it.
"What's the matter, you finally out of words?" She sneered.
The clown tried to move, but found he could not.
"It's just as well, because you won't need them." she said slyly. "Especially after that last disgusting poem you wrote, trying to scare little kids. The one that says 'paint your room read' 'spill your guts then your head' And, you're a sex offender!"
Oh, no! The clown began to panic. How did she catch up with him this time? It just couldn't be happening! But there was no doubt. her rising voice indicated he was in for a tearing apart.
"So who's scared now, eh" Ocean said in a quieter but no less menacing tone.
"But - but but but, see, it was all in fun! I was just clowning!" he protested.
"Oh really, an anti-chain? you're even more desperate and stupid than I originally thought."
Sure enough, even the anti-chain was mangled.
He fell back in his chair, shaken, and it was the last thing he could do. As he was a statue by now, there was nothing he could say or do in reaction.
"Well, you got your wish, how do you like being a statue?" Ocean said.
Millions of email addresses and usernames flashed by, but the words at the top of the screen read:
LIST OF STUPID PEOPLE WHO FELL FOR KILLER CLOWN CHAIN
The clown felt himself being pulled this way and that, whirled up, down, and around, being made thoroughly seasick as the computer display went on and on at light speed with the never-ending scroll of stupid forwarders.
"The thick-headed clown who started this ridiculous, stupid meme, is as foolish as all the others." Ocean's derisive voice spoke again.
Then, his computer scrolled through this message.
"No one can track who doesn't forward this junk. It's the forwarders who put out their own emails, user-ids and information, up in lights for all to see how stupid and annoying they are for believing this pile of codswallop."
Much as he'd like to defend himself, the clown statue could not.
"But in order to get forwarded to everyone, you'd have to spread yourself incredibly thin. It's not like there are billions of clowns with chainsaws, sleeping in beds all over the world." the auto-scrolling message continued. "You'd have to turn to dust to reach anyone. Nothing but household dust."
The scrolling stopped. Then came quiet and unsettling chuckling from Ocean.
"No! the clown screamed inside his head. "I just wanted to play with people's heads with this meme! That's all it was, a stupid meme I made up!"
But of course, he couldn't transmit his thoughts into words, spoken or written.
"So...you thought you'd seen the last of me!" said Ocean. "But you got that wrong. It goes like this, Clown. I am the last person you will ever see."
"No! It was just a joke- oh my gosh, what have I gotten myself into!?"
"Look at it this way," Ocean said thoughtfully, "You won't be a statue for much longer.
The chair turned so that the clown was facing the computer screen head-on.
The computer screen filled up with the display of some kind of monstrous machine that seemed to come out of the screen toward the clown.
the computer speaker roared with the sound.
The elf held down a key-stroke to activate the assistant, then said, "Crush that clown!"
Sickening crushing and grinding sounds were heard as the chain clown statue went into the machine, feet first.
It crushed and ground him, and he saw and heard it all, until the machine finally got to his eyes and ears.
Once every bit of his head was crushed and ground to dust, he saw and heard nothing more.
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