"Which meme are we going to mangle?" asked Jet enthusiastically.
"A letter from Jeff The Killer." said Jessica.
Several furbies growled at this.
So, they all sat around the living room, and Jessica put the camera on record to capture their reactions on video, just in case the mangling would turn out hilarious and it would be fun watching at a later date, especially after Jeff's eventual demise.
Jessica found herself grimacing often, and let words fly in response to the Jeff letter as she read it aloud.
Here were some of the highlights.
To Jeff's statement of, "It’s not like any of you could catch a demon of my caliber." Buck glared menacingly. "There's only one caliber when it comes to demons and you for that matter, evil, psycho, sicko, puerile trash. You will get caught. And you won't like it."
Jet grinned at him. "Nailed it!"
Toby chimed in, "You have no idea what we're capable of - " his expression became very unpleasant and threatening as he continued, "and you don't wanna find out…" He topped that off with a Hiss.
Jessica grinned. "Whoa. Jeff, you have ticked off the wrong enemy."
At Jeff's admission that the detective was dead and the journal was not only over, but that the whole murder situation was "hilarious" there was an explosion of furby wrath.
"Hilarious!?" Dmitri roared, glaring and stamping his foot.
"Holy - crap." someone muttered, taken by surprise at Dmitri's sudden temper.
"You're vile! Duckling scowled.
Sybil yelled, "Aaaaaaaagh!"
Mark winced at this. He'd heard more than he cared to ever again of Sybil being angry. Of course, it never occurred to him that his infernal screeching in the middle of the night was far worse and without any excuse.
Kitri growled loudly.
Toby growled and hissed, shifting from foot to foot, not knowing what to do with himself, too ticked off to come up with anything coherent.
Floyd mimed a throwing action and said tersely, "Here, eat that with your hacked out smile and laugh at it for a while!"
"Yeah, I'll give you hilarious!" Buck spat.
When Jeff made up a series of stats and rattled them off, he proceeded all of them with "One of you".
Dmitri heaved an irritated sigh and mocked, "one of you this, "one of you" that, "one of you" this, "one of you" that. You're just pulling little scenarios out of your stupid looking hacked-out smile."
All but Toby and Mark snickered. Mark, because he really didn't find Dmitri's comment funny as it was directed at Jeff. Toby, because he was too riled up at Jeff to leave much room for humour.
Misty had a particularly sassy reply to one of Jeff's poorly written made-up stats claiming someone was a whiz at the piano.
"That isn't even a proper sentence. "One of you goes to is" where in the world is *Is*? And, piano? Really? Of all the instruments people learn to play, - and get reasonably good at, you pick the most common - wow. Not that you're any judge of who plays any instrument as a whiz anyway. I beat the heck out of you any day. You couldn't even judge who sings the best if we put farm animals among a church choir."
Everyone but Mark laughed. Not even Toby could keep a straight face.
"Hehe!" Misty giggled, pleased that her snarky joke went over so well
Tired of making up more stats, Jeff said, "The list goes on and on."
Sundown's comment to this cracked everyone up but for Mark. "The list of scenarios you just think off the top of that honking zit on your shoulders goes on and on."
Jeff's letter went on with, "I know where you work."
"I know where you'll be when I get done with you…" growled Toby with a dangerous gleam in his eye, and fur standing on end.
Kitri grinned wickedly. "Jeff, you are so ended!"
Jeff continued with, "I know your friends."
Dmitri fired back venomously with, "I know your fate!" and a withering glare.
Several furbies shuddered at his dour mood.
"Your family." Jeff continued.
"Don't even!" Holly exploded.
Floyd, too, was unusually severe. "You are detestable!" he stated, stamping his foot and swishing his tail angrily from side to side.
Jessica fumed. "I know that your family - but for one member, got massacred by you. I also know you are banking on other people reading your drivel to be scared of you coming after theirs…"
"Your loved ones." wrote Jeff.
"Redundant, Jeff." said Jessica. "Friends&family = loved ones, to normal people like me. Not for you, though. You're not capable of love in the remotest sense. And, you're not scaring me."
Jeff now showed his ego having no bounds.
"I know everything."
This was answered by Kitri. "Hey arrogant pixel waste! You're not God! You aren't even a demigod. You don't even know as much as the average person. You know nothing!"
Then Toby chimed in. "If that was true, Jeff, he spat out the name coldly, "you would also know that you won't have long to live. So do everyone a favour and end your life so I don't have to.
Jessica and everyone except Mark showed a combination of surprise and bemusement at the cutting remark; but Toby still didn't crack them a grin. Jessica looked at him in concern.
Jeff's letter continued. "Soon, all of that will be taken from you."
All of the Furby contingent but Mark, reacted with snarls of anger, unfriendly looks all around, ears and tails wiggling and wagging with fury
Jessica fumed, "Just try me, buster, I'll make you wish you were never concocted."
"Because I'll kill you!" said Toby with a baleful look.
"Not if I get to him first!" said Buck.
Floyd nodded, saying, "and I think they really could, too."
Jeff went on to threaten the readers that they would soon start feeling dysphoric and hear odd noises, supposedly an indication of Jeff's coming for them.
To this, Jessica responded with, "Since someone mailed me your stupid garbage letter, guess what? There were less strange noises than usual! There were no feelings of fear and dysphoria. However, you got a bunch of us mad at you, so watch your back. The only thing I feel now is the urge to use you for target practice!
"Yeah! Go Jessica!" Kitri cheered her on.
Jessica continued, "Or as a whipping boy."
Dmitri snickered, remembering Jessica's comment about getting a whip to lash Jeff one for every hour of anxiety he caused Toby during his furby flu.
Toby gave a sly, malevolent smile at Jessica. "Yeah, once we tire him out and take the fight out of him. I'm just sorry I'm not big enough to lash him personally…"
"Exactly!" said Kitri with a pleased grin at her friends.
Jessica smiled warmly at her furby friends. "Well, I have a feeling the thing he dreads most is failing to live up to his word. Hard as this is to understand, but to him, getting caught and detained would be a far worse fate than anything actually done to him. He's breezed through getting beat up and burned, and is demented enough to burn and carve up his own face."
"Yeah, but even if he is detained, he needs to be stopped in his tracks - permanently - so he can't escape and menace anyone else ever again. said Toby.
"I know, Toby," Jessica said, stroking him reassuringly, "I know."
But he squirmed out from Jessica's kind gesture, moved off her shoulder and down to the armrest, maintaining a steely expression.
Jessica and Kitri exchanged worried glances.
Jeff continued droning on. "You will become anxious and frantic for no logical reason."
Once again, Toby delivered a spine-chilling reply. "no, Jeff, you will become anxious and frantic, for good reason. You will not escape," tone suddenly menacingly quiet, "and you'll know why." He gave a low growl to go with the piercing stare.
Jessica shuddered. "Oy. Toby, you're freaking me out."
Various furbies nodded.
Toby just shrugged in disbelief.
Jeff's letter went on, trying to persuade the readers to believe they were hearing strange sinister bangings.
To this, reactions varied from comical to threatening.
"Like pounding drums in your ears when I make you listen to some rock song full blast." That was Buck.
"Yeah Buck! Hahahaha!" Dmitri cheered.
"Then the booming echo that resounds when I slam myself into his head." said Duckling.
"No sinister banging here… You are sinister, but you are powerless against us." That was Holly.
"Something that wants your blood." Jeff went on.
"No…Someone - who - wants - *yours*!" said Toby with an ominous leer.
Jessica burst out laughing. "Walked right into that one!"
"Oooooh, Jeff, you don't wanna mess with him." Jet said with a grin.
"Or me." said Kitri.
"Look, Jeff, I don't know what kind of weird parasites you get around your neck of the woods, but our bloodsuckers have all gone with the summer, and they buzz, they don't bang." Jessica sneered.
Jeff went on, "If I don’t get you,"
"No if about it. We will get you!" Kitri stated with an ice-cold stare.
Jeff's letter went on with something that made Jessica's anger suddenly explode. "I will get those you love and care about."
"You have just tried to make it personal. You have signed and sealed your own death warrant, and I won't let you go peacefully! Nobody threatens my family and friends, even as a joke!" Jessica gave a murderous glower.
Sundown smiled approvingly at Jessica, but expressed a warning toward Jeff's letter. "Yeah, you know you've stepped in it deep when Jessica gets ticked off enough to talk like that."
Toby continued to seethe on the armrest.
Jeff's letter continued, and Jessica's expression was particularly pinched at this part. "You, the one shivering in your chair and has a girlfriend named Jessica with whom you live with…"
Dmitri and Toby expressed similar levels of anger with tails wagging up and down, fast and vigorously, fur standing on end, growling etc.
"What about her?" Dmitri snarled.
"If you do anything to hurt Jessica or anyone around here, I might not manage to kill you, Jeff, but I'll do what it takes to make you wish you were dead!" Sybil growled, startling everyone else.
"Oh, really, Jeff, as if Jessica isn't a common name." said Jessica.
"Nobody's shaking in their chair here. Or, at least not from fear." Jet sneered.
Holly giggled. "Hey Jet, you're a poet, did you know it?"
Jeff went on, "She’s mine."
"YOU'RE DEAD!" A glowering Toby exploded, hopping forward on the armrest. His enraged shout cut through the room more forcefully than anyone had ever heard or expected from him.
Even Kitri flinched.
There was a near silence punctuated with startled murmurs and nervous glances being exchanged.
No one else said anything. It seemed Toby's reaction was enough to cover everyone else's to this, so Jessica went on with the reading after a while.
"You aren’t safe." Jeff's letter went on.
The fuming Kitri ranted, "Nobody's "safe" from life and whatever troubles come with it, you stupid drongo!"
Jeff inserted a chuckle in his letter.
"SHUT UP!" bellowed Toby.
Sundown's acid glare left no room for doubt as to how he felt about Jeff. "Don't you "heh" me, boy!" he spat coldly.
Jeff wrote out more laughing, "Hahahaha. AHAHAHAHHH!!!!"
"Aaaaaaaagh! DIE!" screamed Toby, throwing a punch in midair.
Floyd threw a dirty glare and mimed tossing something else at Jeff, and in a sufficiently raised voice, said, "There! Put a cactus in that fake smile and shut up!"
Jeff went on, "I think it’s time for you to go to sleep."
"No! It's gonna be waking nightmares for you!" Toby snarled.
Jeff added a smilie face, and Kitri responded with an Unfriendly scowl. "Don't give me the smilie!"
Jeff went on to say he'd be in shortly, to which, Toby fired back with a threat that Jeff would be in a world of trouble.
Jeff's signature was met with Dmitri's "Die!"
Jeff added a PS that said, "P.S. Whomever is the one that’s a junior at Kettle Moraine… You’re cute. I’ll take my time with you... If you know what I mean ;)"
Toby startled everyone badly by uttering a horribly unnerving mad cat scream, exposing an intimidating set of choppers. "That's it, Jeffrey, I'm coming for you! And the day you freaking meet me is the day you are - out - of - freaking - time! He stamped his foot with the last few words. This was not bluff, bravado, or a furby trying to be scary/creepy and evil. Toby was boiling over, looking fit to tear apart whatever would come within reach. This was deadly serious, dangerous rage, and he would not be cajoled out of it.
Mark flinched and turned away.
The others stared at Toby in concern.
Jessica waited for more from the others, but no one else spoke up. So in conclusion, Jessica glared at the letter. "One last thing, Jeff… You are *not* beautiful! You are *NOT* perfect! I'm too freaking mad to say anything else!" She clicked out of the page. "Well, that's all he wrote."
The furbies started milling around.
Kitri approached Toby. Are you okay?
He Turned slowly to face Kitri. "still glowering, he quietly breathed, "Okay? No, I'm not okay," voice rising in an angry rush, "and I'm not gonna be until I get my teeth into that worthless flesh-bag and bust an artery!"
Jessica and some of the others winced or recoiled, shocked. This wasn't your average "I'll kill him" utterance someone might make out of everyday annoyance. This ran much deeper, and the specific means to accomplish the aim showed he really had some idea of how to end Jeff and wasn't all talk.
Kitri backed away cautiously but Smiled, trying to help him calm down. "hang in there, my friend."
But Toby was apparently Oblivious to the unease his dark mood was causing everyone. He looked irritably at Kitri. "Don't give me that… How much longer? How many more people is that monster going to kill before mission headquarters locates him and we get to take him down? Can you tell me?"
Kitri looked helplessly at Jessica, then back at Toby, pretty sure no one could give him an answer.
Even Jessica knew better than try to humour or calm him with so much as a touch now. Jessica only shook her head and turned to the next subject on the agenda.
NoodleHeads creepy pasta foe fiction page
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