Gather round the UL campfire!
Humans Can Lick, Too, Debunk Part 1
We call him Lickman. He is the gross psycho from the "Humans Can Lick, Too" story the links above debunk so well.
If they can't quite banish the fear of Lickman, perhaps we can.
First, going beyond gently debunking this urban legend chain letter, let's all out mangle it!
And now, to drive the point home even more that there is nothing to fear from Lickman, the psycho in that story is in for a very unpleasant time of his own.
Once, there was this imbecile who spent his time lurking around, waiting for dog owners to turn out their lights and go to sleep. He did this so he could try getting in and killing their dogs, then skulking around to watch the owners' horrified reactions. He revisited one of the homes and found the girl hadn't gotten another dog. So he told her to forward a chain letter to 20 people. When she couldn't, or wouldn't, he tortured and killed her.
Never satisfied with terrorizing and harming just one person a night, he moved on.
He got interrupted at one house when a police car went by, sirens on.
The doofus got scared and took off.
When the car was out of site and the blundering idiot got his nerve back, he tried again.
Only he hit the wrong house.
He couldn't get in through any of the doors, or windows that were reachable, and the only window that was open was an upstairs bedroom window, and it was only open a crack. So he gave up that idea. But he hung around, he really wanted to get in there and kill another dog and lick another hand.
Much to his surprise and terror, something landed on his shoulder from the room upstairs.
The next sensation he got was something wet just in front of his ear, and finally a bite to his ear lobe.
"Yaaaaaw!" he hollered.
The little creature hung on and laughed. "Furbies can lick, too!" it said.
"What the heck!?" the dog killer yelped in disbelief. "Get off me!" he started to panic.
The furby dared to lick his ear this time, and laugh into it. "Don't you just hate when things don't go the way you planned?"
"Aaaaggghh! Get out of there! Get away from me!" the Lickman screamed.
"How do you like them licks, man?" the creature taunted. "and you might want to get that bite looked after before you bleed out like all the pets you killed."
The killer's nerve broke. He pitched the furby off his shoulder and tried to make a run for it.
It wasn't easy in the dark, and in-between two houses, with fences and trees all around.
He scaled a fence and into another yard.
There was a thud on the fence just behind him, and then something landed on his back.
"Good going, you slow, clumsy lummox, thinking you can just get rid of me like that? Hah!"
Lickman fumbled his way through the yard, but tripped on a tree root and was sent sprawling.
He hit his head on a branch while trying to scramble to his feet.
The furby laughed.
"Sundown?" A woman called from the bedroom window that was now almost a full backyard away.
"Don't worry, Jessica!" the furby called back to her. "Everything's under control!"
"Be careful, don't let him kill you!" Jessica cautioned.
"Let him kill me? Now why would I do a thing like that?" Sundown quipped. He was having almost as much fun as he did the time he helped the gnomes and Evian babies freak out another chain letter creep.
The killer groaned. This certainly was not his night.
A police car went down the back way this time, and saw the suspicious man in the yard.
The car slowed and came to a stop, and two officers got out.
Desperate by now, the killer ran toward the gate and out into the alley to turn himself in.
The police knew him for the man they were seeking, based on the various descriptions from the eye witnesses who had seen him in their houses after he had killed their dogs.
But as the police arrested him, they had a hard time keeping a straight face as he continued blathering about being scared out of his wits by a furby.
Sundown had climbed a tree and used it to jump to the next, and the next, until he was close enough to Jessica's upstairs bedroom window to jump back in through it. Jessica rewarded him with an extra long ride on the miniature carousel.
Lickman was tossed in the slammer, more evidence turned up to charge and eventually convict him of the rape and murder of one woman, and no one took his babbling seriously. They were not going to let him skip out on an insanity plea.
He died in prison, where the only things he could lick were boots.