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Stranded With Vampires

by Ocean Elf

Some friends were on the way home from a short trip out of town when the car stalled just on the outskirts of a small town.

"Oh, no, not now, please, not now." Ameh moaned, slapping the steering wheel in frustration.

"What's wrong?" asked Melanie from the passenger's seat next to her.

"Not sure," said Ameh, flustered, "the gas tank's full."

Melanie only shook her head.

Ameh took out a cell phone to call in the problem.

Eventually, she got off the phone. "It could be more than an hour."

"Oh, great." muttered Capri from the back.

The occupants of the vehicle decided to get out for some fresh air and time out of their cramped conditions.

As they did, another vehicle, a Volvo came up just behind them. It ground to a halt and a man got out.

At first, Ameh and Melanie didn't notice this, until the two other passengers exited the back of their car.

Pippi stared for a moment as the man's face and other exposed skin started sparkling. She quickly turned away to avoid not only the glaring brightness, but to hide the fact she noticed at all. She covered her mouth and tried to stifle a sneeze.

"Bless you - " Ameh said, turning back to glance at her friend, but then she noticed Edward Cullen's glitter, "What is that doing in the middle of nowhere?" apparently she thought it was some sort of statue until it moved. "Holy...crap...It's alive!"

Edward's wife Bella stumbled out next.

Out the back of the Volvo came a dark-complexioned man, that would be Jacob, and a cute little girl who scrambled off his lap, that would be Renesmee.

"Can I have some blood now?" Renesmee demanded

Jacob shushed her. "Nessie, shhhh!"

"We're out," said Bella, "but maybe we can get some up ahead."

Capri was the last to get out of Ameh's vehicle.

Jacob eyed first Melanie, whose hair style and color seemed a lot like Bella's, then Capri with her dark complexion.

Renesmee, apparently feeling deprived and impatient, was on the verge of getting angry. "Don't look at them, look at me and give me some blood."

Jacob looked back at her tenderly. "Sorry, honey, your mommy and daddy would be better at helping you get that."

Pippi heard, but couldn't believe what they were saying.

Bella and Edward met in front of the Volvo, promptly forgetting about it and everything around them. They were about to engage in their favorite passtime, getting lost in each other.

Edward started crooning, "Oh Bella, *Sniff nibble* you smell so good. *Smooch sniff smooch*"

He was answered by Bella, "And I love you, you are so perfectly beautiful!" *Smooch.*

Edward and Bella really went to town on each other in a shameless public display of affection, a Smackersmooch-fest.

This disgusted and irritated Capri greatly. she turned away from them, rolling her eyes and muttering, "Break it up already."

"Ameh," Melanie whispered, "that guy's shining."

Ameh nodded back.

Renesmee quickly studied the group, Deciding she liked the look of Ameh, blonde and very short for an adult. This made her look like a child from a distance. Renesmee ran over to the fairy, shouting, "Hi! I'm Renesmee!"

Renesmee?" Pippi muttered. "Oh, no."

Capri grimaced. "This can't be."

Ameh gave Renesmee a Surprised smile. "Well, hi there!"

Pippi looked concerned at Ameh, and shook her head. Ameh might not have heard what Renesmee said about wanting blood, but Pippi had, and she did not like that or the look of Edward Cullen.

"Wanna play?" Renesmee asked.

Ameh was still surprised by Renesmee's boldness and she also noticed Pippi's apparent unease. Quickly, she tried to refuse Renesmee without hurting her feelings. "Uh, I'm sorry, I've forgotten how."

Renesmee wasn't discouraged at all by this. "Leach is easy." she suggested excitedly, "You just pretend you're wading in a lake, and I'm the leach, so I come up to you and drink your blood!"

Ameh made a face and tried to retreat from Renesmee. "Ugh, no thanks."

"Nessie!" Jacob scolded.

Bella and Edward still seemed unaware of the mischief their child was about to get into, they continued staring into each other's eyes, and said in unison, "You are so beautiful, you are so perfect." They continued their Smooch-fest.

Melanie couldn't help gaping. "Unbelievable!"

Pippi, concern mounting, approached Renesmee. "We don't play games like that."

Renesmee still wasn't taking the hint. "I do!" she Giggled.

Before anyone could react, the vampire child grabbed hold of Ameh and sunk her fangs into her.

"AAAAAAAA! Help! Get her off me!" Ameh's shrieks pierced the air and she thrashed wildly about, trying to get Renesmee off and away from her, but to no avail. Renesmee was easily the stronger of the two, and she only kept hold of her victim and continued draining her.

All of this took only a moment but it seemed like ages, and Pippi wasted no time coming to the aid of her friend.

She Took a very firm hold of Renesmee and pried her off Ameh. "Let her go!" She tossed Renesmee aside.

"Hey!" Renesmee protested, looking about to throw a tantrum.

Capri approached Pippi and Ameh to see what could be done.

"OMG." Ameh continued moaning and shaking.

Pippi held Ameh protectively, trying to calm her. But she was alarmed at how much her friend was bleeding.

Capri shook her head, "Ameh, keep still," she advised, "I'm getting you help."

She went back to the car, got out her cell in the meantime to call emergency As she talked, she frantically opened the trunk to get out the first aid stuff. When the call was finished, she approached Pippi and Ameh again and got to work administering to the injury the best she could. It was an artery bleed.

Renesmee was not through trying to get a blood meal yet. "Mmm," she Sniffed, and dared to wander too close to Capri.

"Nessie, darling, no!" Jacob called out.

Too late.

Capri, startled by Jacob's alarmed call, looked around. Seeing Renesmee coming up behind her, she reacted swiftly in a mixture of horror and disgust. The sendoff she gave Renesmee was much rougher than Pippi's.

Capri violently elbowed Renesmee, causing her to lose her balance and fall backward.

Before Renesmee even started to wail, Capri Glared daggers over her shoulder at her and shouted, "Try that again and I'll wring your disgusting cannibalistic neck!" She continued helping Pippi with Ameh.

Bella and Edward still remained stupidly oblivious. *kisskisskisskisskiss smooooooooooooooooch! "I love you!" "You are so perfect!" "Ooooh, you are so hot!"

At this point, Jacob walked up to Capri and picked up Renesmee. "Nessie, sweetie, you know better than to play games with strangers, I'm your friend, remember?"

"Yes," Renesmee whined, "and you're my very bestest friend in the world! I just need some blood, I'm starving!"

Ameh whimpered and thrashed, and Pippi and Capri had to reassure and calm her.

Jacob tried to appease Renesmee. "there are still some bananas and potato chips in the car, if you were hungry, you could've - "

Renesmee cut him off angrily, "I don't want that stuff!"

Capri glared back at Renesmee and yelled, "And I don't want YOU sinking your teeth into me or any of my friends, or anybody within my sight, understand!?"

Jacob looked apologetically at Capri. "I'm sorry about this, ma'am - what shall I call you?"

"Don't." came the blunt reply. "Just take that blood-sucker and get away!"

"Well," Jacob said hesitantly, "my name's Jacob Black."

Capri Ignored Jacob's attempt at friendly chat to look at Pippi. "I've done all I can, let's get Ameh into the car."

Pippi moved to help Capri. Together they wrapped Ameh in a blanket, and Pippi gently put her in the car. They decided to stay with Ameh in the car until the ambulance arrived.

Melanie lingered outside, against Capri's urging to get back into the car.

Edward and Bella tongue-kissed.

Melanie couldn't help but Look on, wondering if these people were who she thought they were. "You're Jacob Black, is that Edward Cullen and Bella Swan?" She indicated Bella and Edward who were shamelessly doing everything just short of THE act in front of their car. "They're gonna swallow each other at this rate."

Jacob chuckled, "Yes, and you are?"

"My name is Melanie. If Renesmee wanted some blood, she could've taken some from me instead, Ameh's been through so much."

Ameh was heard wailing, "Ewww, no!"

Capri snapped at Melanie from the car, "NO! Don't even think of it, Melanie! Get back in here, now!"

"But - " Melanie began to protest.

Pippi spoke up next. "Melanie, come here and stay in the car with Ameh."

Capri dabbed at her forehead with a tissue. "Where can that blasted ambulance be?"

Melanie got into the car.

Finally, the ambulance arrived, and Ameh was loaded on a stretcher and taken to the nearest hospital.

Capri took a deep breath, trying to calm herself, but she remained on edge and stern. She looked over at Melanie. "I don't care how cute or hungry that little kid is, don't EVER offer her your blood again, do you understand?"

Melanie nodded. "I just feel bad about what she did to Ameh, and that I didn't stop it...Again." She burst into silent tears.

Capri reached over to touch Melanie on the shoulder. "That wasn't your fault, it happened so fast that no one, least of all Ameh had any idea this was going to happen."

"That's true, Melanie," Pippi agreed, "I thought something was very off about the little girl, but didn't know she would move so quickly and literally sink her teeth into someone."

"She's not just any little girl,, now that I know she's being taken care of by that man, actually werewolf Jacob Black, she's a baby vampire, and her father and mother are Edward and Bella Cullen." Melanie informed them.

Capri groaned in displeasure, and shook her head.

Pippi nodded, eyes narrowing. "Suspicion confirmed." she said.

Jacob Tapped on Capri's window. "Ma'am?"

Capri scowled back: "What's keeping you lot here?"

"We ran out of gas." he answered, apparently choosing to ignore the hint to get lost.

Capri sighed and gritted her teeth. "Great, just great!"

"You wouldn't happen to know where the nearest zoo or pet shop is, would you?" Jacob asked.

"Ewww!" Melanie exclaimed.

"Oh, sure," said Capri sarcastically, "I know this place like the back of my hand, and where to gas up your car even though we're out in the middle of nowhere..." She finished with an explosive "Of course I don't know where the nearest zoo is!"

Pippi put a hand on Capri's shoulder to help her calm down, but addressed Jacob. "If you walk in any direction long enough, you might find something."

Melanie laughed at Pippi's wry sense of humor.

Capri still didn't crack a smile.

Jacob picked up Renesmee again and held her tenderly. She responded by clinging to him.

Jacob gave Renesmee a very affectionate look. "It's okay baby girl, I'll give you some blood." He indicated where he wanted her to feed.

Renesmee bit into Jacob and drank.

"Eww, gross!" exclaimed Melanie, putting a hand over her eyes.

Pippi winced and looked away.

Capri Began to freak, her last nerve, shot. She shook a tightly clenched fist at Jacob and Renesmee, shouting, "Get outa my sight while you can!"

Pippi Touched the panicking fairy's shoulder, "Take it easy, Capri...I'll be right back." She opened the car door.

Capri began to protest. "You're not going out there with those - "

"don't worry, Capri, I know what I'm doing." With that, Pippi Got out of the car and closed the door.

She walked around to the side of the car Jacob and Renesmee were on and approached them.

"What in the heck are you doing!?" Capri shouted at her from inside the car.

Pippi could choose to try reassuring her friend again, or address a serious problem she had with Jacob and Renesmee, and she chose the latter.

"Ms. Monroe's too upset to speak with you, and I can't exactly blame her. But I'm upset with you people for another reason - this imprinting business is indecent."

Not willing to sit back and allow her friend to face anyone of these vampires and werewolves alone, Capri instructed Melanie to stay in the car. She herself got out and slammed the door.

Jacob tried to explain, justify, defend, excuse the practice of imprinting to Pippi. "I know some people are upset about it, but it's the way things are done in our culture of vampires and werewolves."

Pippi remained unimpressed. "Of course that's how it's done in your - society,"

Subculture." Capri muttered.

Pippi continued, "So is blood-drinking, which is repulsive in another way, but she's just a child." She indicated Renesmee.

"I can't help it, she's so beautiful." Jacob gushed.

Capri gagged.

Pippi frowned, disgusted. "And she's an extention of her mother, who you couldn't have."

"She has solved all our problems, miss, - I'm sorry, I didn't get your name?"

"No, sir, I don't think she has." said Pippi.

So what's your name?" Renesmee asked her.

Pippi rattled off her full name, which caused Jacob's head to all but explode in the literal sense.

Finally he just stared stupidly at her, "Wha?"

Normally, Pippi tended to be a little bemused when she could confound people with her full name, but this time, she didn't even crack a smile. "You may call me Pippi," she said.

Jacob nodded. "Oh, I remember now! Pippi Longstocking." he said. Noting her still disapproving expression, he continued. "Because of her, Edward and I are friends now, and she and I - "

Capri remained silent, biting her bottom lip and looking decidedly unwell by this time.

"Yes, I get it,Mr. Black," Pippi cut Jacob off, "I just don't agree or approve. and please, don't give me some speech about how non-vampires and non-werewolves need to be more tolerant and accepting. You might as well be telling all mice to allow any and all cats to get near them."

Renesmee suddenly Stopped drinking to give Pippi an amused look. "That's funny, cats eat mice!"

"My point exactly." Pippi replied.

Jacob tried again. "I was just going to ask you if you still have that amazing physical strength you're famous for."

"That is irrelevant, sir." Pippi said, this imprinting is pedophilic."

Jacob looked away for a moment until he could come up with an excuse or defence.

Capri tapped Pippi's shoulder and was about to say something when Jacob finally spoke again.

Miss Longstocking, it's really not so bad, it is actually helping us out. You see, some of us werewolves and vampires get along even if we're supposed to be enemies."

"Of course you do," said Pippi, "the reason werewolves and vampires are historically enemies in the first place is likely because of competition over food, that would be us, human prey, the thing you both have in common."

Jacob gaped. "Damn, you're smart, and brave."

Pippi completely ignored his flattery. "But that isn't the issue I'm talking about. Regardless of what you two are, You, and this child… It's obscene," She was cut rudely off by Renesmee.

"I don't know how you managed to stop me from drinking your friend's blood, I'm stronger than most people who aren't vampires and I'm just a kid, so when I get older, I'll be even stronger!"

Capri scowled and looked about ready to throw some punches.

"Yeah," said Jacob to Renesmee, "she probably couldn't stand up to Edward or Bella though. "Hey Edward! Come over here, I found a human you might want to take on!"

Pippi shook her head. "Nothing quite like dodging the issue..."

Edward stopped Smooching Bella long enough to respond, "Oh I say, really?" He disengaged from Bella for a moment and walked over to Jacob, and looked at Pippi, "Do I dazzle you?"

Pippi Covered her face and sneezed. "A little too much."

Capri just glared at Edward and stepped forward, taking a defensive posture.

"So," Edward said, putting on his most studious expression, "what, may I ask, shall I call you?"

"Don't call me at all." was the surly reply from Capri.

Pippi said her name again.

"Ah yes," said Edward, "Pippi Longstocking - I think I may have heard about you."

Jacob scratched his head and shot Edward an amused grin. "I wonder which one of you could beat the other at arm-wrestling?"

Pippi rolled her eyes and sighed.

Edward guffawed. "Me, easily, she might be strong for a human, but I am a vampire after all!"

Capri glowered at Edward. "If you do anything to hurt her, I'll - "

Pippi Turned toward her sufficiently worried friend. "Never mind, I'll be fine as long as he sticks to wrestling." She looked back at Edward. "Well, what are you waiting for, have at it." she said flatly.

Edward took the bait. He grabbed Pippi's wrist and tried to bend her arm back in a wrestle.

Pippi Arm-wrestled back, easily winning the contest.

"What? That's not - " Edward, baffled, began to complain.

But Pippi wasn't quite through with Ed Cullen yet. She pitched him, hard enough to send him flying so he landed on the roof of his Volvo.

He made a sound like "Wha - urf!" as he sailed through the air and landed.

"You were saying, Mr. Cullen?" Pippi remarked coolly.

Edward couldn't believe it. "What the!? Aaaaagh!"

"Holy shart!" Jacob exclaimed.

Capri burst out laughing, but only for a moment, then she went back to scowling at the vampires and Jacob.

"Edward!" Bella wailed, checking him over frantically.

"I'm fine, sweetness, just fine." he said hastily.

Bella Ran over to Pippi. "How dare you man-handle my most coolest, perfect husband!"

"That's close enough!" Capri barked, warning Bella away with a raised, clenched fist and glower to match.

Pippi still wasn't fazed other than by revulsion toward the group of Twilighters. "Your 'most coolest perfect husband,' does that mean you have more than one now?"

"That isn't funny!" Bella retorted.

"So who's laughing?" Capri countered scornfully.

Pippi was glad to have the arm-wrestling nonsense over with so she could get back to what really mattered. "What's really not funny, Ms. Cullen, is the child grooming, blood-drinking, and male-domination your chosen subculture practices, and that you're okay with it. Not to mention your unruly child nearly killed my friend!"

Capri nodded emphatically.

Bella stared at Pippi, then pointed at Capri. "She doesn't look on the verge of death to me."

"Not me, you idiot," Capri snapped, "that was someone else your demon put in the hospital with an artery-bleed!"

Bella stared blankly ahead for a moment, then looked at Pippi. "I uh, hadn't thought of that. But it's no reason to hurt my Edward!"

Edward climbed off the roof of his car, looking a bit miffed.

Pippi looked scornfully back. "It's hardly my fault if Jacob and Edward's idea turned out to bruise your husband's ego a little."

Bella completely lost it. "Why you - you - you - " She lunged toward Pippi.

Capri's last nerve was shot, her patience completely gone. overwhelmed by Fear of another vampire attack on another friend, she hit Bella with a magic blast that knocked her flat.

"Aaaaaaa!" Bella howled.

Capri glowered balefully at Bella and Edward. "You'll get a lot worse if you come anywhere near me or my friends again!"

Bella got up. "Edward won't drink your blood, he's a vegetarian vampire!"

"Bull crap!" Capri said forcefully, "there's no such thing. Anyway, what about the rest of you? That monster of yours already tried to suck one of my friends dry!"

Renesmee Pointed at Capri. "She shoved me and made me fall!"

Bella was incensed. Glaring at Capri, she ranted, "How could you do that to my daughter!?"

Capri rolled her eyes in exasperation. "Nevermind, you're obviously too young to understand..."

Bella didn't even seem to hear this, and only continued to rail. "She's an innocent child!"

Capri's scowl and raised voice matched Bella's outrage. "Innocent nothing - she fed off my friend!"

"There is such thing as a vegetarian vampire." Edward interjected, "I only drink animal blood, so I'm a vegetarian, so more perfect than other vampires."

Pippi countered this with a logical question. "Since when is animal blood considered vegetation?"

Edward and Bella looked blankly back at Pippi. "Uh...Um...Duh...Uh, uh, well, uh," At a loss, they continued Staring back and forth at each other, completely stumped.

Pippi continued. "Calling yourself a non-cannibalistic vampire would be more accurate, and while it might apply to you in the technical sense because you might have made a choice not to consume human blood, it doesn't cancel out your temptation nor what just happened here."

"Okay, you win, it's just that it sounds really cool to call myself a vegetarian vampire." Edward finally said.

"No, it just sounds totally idiotic, and I meant what I said, keep your distance!" Capri warned. She followed this up by giving Edward, Bella and then Jacob each a magic blast that sent them flying while causing them to convulse.

Edward screamed. Righting himself, he took the hint. "I don't know what we're dealing with, but let's get out of here!"

The cullens and Jacob scrambled into the Volvo, but then remembered they couldn't go anywhere because they ran out of gas.

Finally, the Tow service Showed up, and Ameh's car was towed away to the nearest town to be fixed.

The girls were driven to town as well, leaving Edward, Bella, Renesmee and Jacob behind.

—

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