The so-called Best Chain Letter Ever

There are several versions of it, one for getting rid of your husband/boyfriend, girlfriend, boss, wife or even your horse. also replicated here.

It apparently started on paper and at least one person found such a copy and posted it on the net again.

It is such a boundlessly stupid dud that not only are your brain cells in danger of dying in agony, your IQ may be in danger of plunging into the negative numbers! I'm pretty sure the git who started it in the first place had to have a negative IQ.

Let's mangle the whole lot!


Mutation 5 contains Suggestiveness!

* * *




🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: It’s not just getting broken, but all out mangled!

🐗Meme5: The best chain letter...ever!!!

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: That's not saying much since they're all moronic.

🐴Meme2: A Chain Letter that may interest you.............

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Only when it comes to mangling it.

🐃Meme4: A Chain Letter Worth Ponce's Attention

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Who the heck is Ponce?

🐃Meme4: Just don't send it to any women.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: That isn't going to prevent women from discovering it - particularly meme-manglers like me.


🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: ‘Don’t send to women’ ‘for women only’ okay, now that we’re clear as mud on that point, moving on… :p

🐃Meme4: Bill seems to have first dibs.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes* The Clinton thing. You'll understand why the eye-roll at the end of this particular mutation.

🐃Meme4: Finally, a real Man's chain letter!

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Only someone obsessed with their idea of what a "real man" is would be dumb enough to go for this chain letter.

🐗Meme5: At last !! A decent chain letter as opposed to normal chain letters/pyramid schemes, this one costs nothing, and you can only win.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: That's what they all say, and this one is exactly like every other normal chain letter, STUPID and anything BUT decent!

🐴Meme2: Dear Horse Owner,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Um - I am a pet owner, but don't own a horse.

🦃Meme3: Fellow slaves!

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Uh, I'm not one of you.

🐴Meme2: Are you experiencing too many down the track finishes behind inferior horses at the races? During a race, does your horse forget everything he was bred to do?

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Nope, no problems like that here.

🐴Meme2: Well, this simple chain letter is meant to bring relief and happiness to you.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: mangling it will accomplish this.

🐮🐃🐕Memes1, 4&6: This

🐮🐃Memes1&4: chain

🐮🐃🐕Memes1, 4&6: letter was started

🐕Meme6: by women like yourself,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Hold it HOLD IT HOOOOOOOLD IT! *Uuuuurch!*

No one seems to know exactly who started it, but whoever did was most certainly not like me - because I’d never do such a knuckle headed droll thing! So don’t hand me that line, I’m not buying it.

🐮🐃🐕Memes1, 4&6: in

🐮🐃Memes1&4: hopes

🐕Meme6: hope

🐮🐃🐕Memes1, 4&6: of bringing relief to other tired and

🐮🐃Memes1&4: discouraged

🐕Meme6: discontented

🐮🐕Memes1&6: women.

🐃Meme4: men.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: No chain letter will cure fatigue, but they do make me feel discontented with the internet, which gives me the encouragement to mangle them.

🦃Meme3: This is a plan to bring happiness and steak dinners to tired government working girls.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Huh? Pass on a chain letter and get a free steak dinner? No, it just doesn't work that way. You can't accomplish that by spamming the net.

🐮🐴🦃🐃🐗🐕Memes: Unlike

🐮🐴🦃🐃🐗Memes1/5: most

🐕Meme6: other

🐮🐴🦃🐃🐗🐕Memes: chain letters,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah right, so many chain letters claim to be terribly unique, and they all lie.

🐮🐃🐕Memes1, 4&6: this one

🐴🦃Memes2&3: it

🐮🐕Memes1&6: does not

🐴🐃Memes2&4: doesn't

🦃Meme3: won't

🐮🐴🦃🐃🐗🐕Memes: cost

🦃Meme3: you

🐮🐃🐕Memes1, 4&6: anything.

🐴Meme2: any money.

🦃Meme3: a nickel.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Sure it costs. It could cost you some respect and maybe even some friends.


🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah right...

🐮🐃🐕Memes1, 4&6: Just

🐴🐗Memes2&5: Simply

🐮🐴🦃🐃🐗🐕Memes: send

🐮🐴🦃🐃🐕Memes1/4&6: a copy

🐮🐃🐕Memes1, 4&6: of this letter

🐗Meme5: this e-mail

🐮🐴🦃🐃🐗🐕Memes: to

🐴Meme2: six other horse owners who are dissatisfied with the way that their horse is behaving.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: I wouldn't do that even if I was a horse owner and new five or a hundred more.

🐮🐃🐕Memes1, 4&6: five

🐗Meme5: 9

🐮🐃🐗🐕Memes1, 4/6: of your

🐃Meme4: male

🐮🐃🐕Memes1, 4&6: friends

🐗Meme5: mates.

🐮🐃🐕Memes1, 4&6: who are equally tired and discontented.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: I'm not tired and discontented, and don't know anyone who is "equally tired and discontented" as different people have varying degrees of fatigue and discontentment at different times and in different stages of their lives, much of this is not known to me, and even if I somehow knew five, nine, or even 16 people who I calculated their tiredness and discontent levels to be exactly at the same level, sending this chain letter isn't likely to do anything but make that level go up.

🐮🐃🐕Memes1, 4&6: Then

🐴Meme2: Also,

🐮🐴🦃🐃🐗🐕Memes: bundle up your

🐮🐕Memes1&6: husband or boyfriend

🐃Meme4: wife and/or girlfriend

🐴Meme2: horse

🐮🐴🦃🐃🐗🐕Memes: and send


🐴Meme2: /her

🐃Meme4: her

🐮🐴🦃🐃🐗🐕Memes: to the

🐮🐕Memes1&6: woman

🐃Meme4: man

🐴Meme2: horse owner

🐮🐃🐗🐕Memes1, 4/6: whose name appears

🐮🐴🦃🐃🐗🐕Memes: at the top of

🐮🐴🦃🐃🐗Memes1/5: the

🐕Meme6: this

🐃Meme4: following

🐮🐴🦃🐃🐗🐕Memes: list,.

🐮🐴🦃🐃🐗Memes1/5: and add your name to the bottom of the list.

🐴Meme2: Do not use a return address or the post office may try to contact you.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Ewwww! No! And, I don't have a husband or boyfriend. If I did, I wouldn't send him to another woman, especially not somebody I'm supposed to be friends with. Ewwwww!

You also realize how much it would cost to ship a horse? And it can't be done through the mail! Duh!

I don't have a wife or girlfriend, you moron.

🐗Meme5: Anaesthetise your wife,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: I don't have a wife, you nitwit, I'm a girl!

🐗Meme5: put her in a large carton, (don't forget some ventilation holes), and send it to the person who is at the top of your list.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Scowls* I can see where this is going - and - oh, so she's gone from being a "her" to an "it" in very short order...You can't send people through the mail, you can't even send animals through the mail, you stupid yutz!

🦃Meme3: Simply send five copies of this letter to the girls as underprivileged and neglected as yourself.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: I'm not underprivileged or neglected, and wouldn't improve anyone else's situation by sending them chain letters.

🦃Meme3: Then tie up your boss

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: What the!? No way! No one at my work place has ever done anything to deserve that.

🦃Meme3: and send him to the girl on the top of the list.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: You moron! You have no idea, do you? Employers come in both genders, chick.

🐗Meme5: Soon,

🐴Meme2: In one week

🐮🐃Memes1&4: When your turn comes,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: My turn for what?

🦃Meme3: When

🦃🐗Memes3&5: your name

🦃Meme3: reaches

🐗Meme5:will be at

🦃🐗Memes3&5: the top,

🐗Meme5: of the list, and

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Considering how many branches this chain has spun out into, do you have any idea how unlikely that would be, if I participated? Which, I won’t.

🐮🐴🦃🐃🐗🐕Memes: you

🐮🦃🐃🐗🐕Memes1, 3, 4, 5&6: will

🐴Meme2: should

🐮🐴🦃🐃🐗🐕Memes: receive

🐮Meme1: 5,625

🐕Meme6: 16,877

🐃Meme4: 15,625

🐗Meme5: 823,542

🐴Meme2: 16,436

🦃Meme3: 12,938

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: that’s a lot of different large numbers of various beings. If I want to be around that many people/animals, I’ll just go to the zoo or something.

🐮🐕Memes1&6: men.

🐃🐗Memes4&5: women.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Ewwwwww! No! No thanks!

🐴Meme2: horses,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: And just where am I going to put all those horses? I'd have to bankrupt the whole country just to board them, never-mind feeding, vet checks and other general maintenance, and, ugh, all the manure clean-up, no, thanks!

🦃Meme3: bosses.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Huh? Besides pointing out the obvious, that is, no chain letter can blip a bunch of people into your life, I can't hold down 12938 jobs!

🐗Meme5: through the post.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: You can’t send people and horses through the mail, you spamhead.

🐮🐕Memes1&6: One of them is bound to be

🐕Meme6: a hell of a lot

🐮🐕Memes1&6: better than the one you already have.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Wrong, and, I don't already have a man, thank you!

🐴Meme2: and at least one of them should be a keeper.

I can’t even keep a single horse where I’m living, let alone an entire ranch.

🐗Meme5: Statistically, among those women, will be at least:

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: No one, because - oh crap, see above!

🐗Meme5: 0.5 Miss Worlds

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: You can't have half a Miss World. There's no such person as Miss World and you will never get this Miss who mangles your stupid chain either.

The reason the 0.5 thing doesn't work - well - getting 0.5 of somebody means getting half of them which means you get half of their corpse since a person can't survive being sawn in half! Well, ugly chain letter, ugly mangle. So, how about a few nice arrest warrants and charges of accessory to murder and all out murder itself if you were the one to dream up this stupid exploitive dumbbell idea?

🐗Meme5: 2.5 Models

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Three counts of kidnapping, terrorism and murder to add to what I've already got you headed to the slammer for...

🐗Meme5: 463 Wild nymphos

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Don't come crying to me if you get eaten alive by them, remember, you got yourself into this... Maybe putting you and them down for the count - now there's a great idea!

🐗Meme5: 3,234 Good-looking nymphos

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: If you want to die that way, I'll just charge all the disgusting nymphos, good looking or otherwise with murdering and injuring whoever in their fangirl-like drooling rampages. You better hope you're Edward Cullen if you want to weather the feeding frenzy of a massive swarm/herd of these savage beasts!

🐗Meme5: 20,198 Who enjoy multiple *snipped out sex description*

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: How about I just shoot you?

🐗Meme5: 40,198 Bi-se*ual women.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Die! Die! DIE!

🐗Meme5: In total, that is 64,294 women who are simply hornier, less inhibited, and tastier than the grumpy old bag you posted off.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Shoots cyber-bullets at disgusting chain originator* There, that should give you something else to think about for a while!

🐗Meme5: And, best of all, your original package is guaranteed not to be one of those that come back to you.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Turns the tables so those responsible for making some of these women into 0.5s, set to work on the chain letter originator instead!

🐮🐃Memes1&4: At the writing of this letter, a friend of mine had already received 184

🐮Meme1: men,

🐃Meme4: women,

🐮🐃Memes1&4: 4 of whom were worth keeping.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah, um, doesn't say much for you or your weird friends…

🐮Meme1: They buried her yesterday, but it took three undertakers 36 hours to get the smile off her face.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: WHA!? Ewwwwwwwwwww! Okay, why were they trying to get the smile off her face? Gah, creep-fest!

🐮Meme1: REMEMBER —

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Remember this chain is rubbish. Got it.

🐮🐃Memes1&4: this chain

🐃Meme4: also

🐮🐃Memes1&4: brings

🐃Meme4: good

🐮🐃Memes1&4: luck.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Such as the bad luck of being an idiot? Pass.

🐮🐃Memes1&4: One

🐮Meme1: woman's

🐃Meme4: man's

🐮🐃Memes1&4: pit bull died,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: S/he was such an idiot that s/he killed her/his dog? Swell. No, I'm not interested in that kind of luck. Or, wait, maybe you called her/his man/girl a pit bull dog? Stupid! I mean, really, get rid of the animal welfarist anti-pit bull bollox already. It didn't fly in the Marry A Cat Own A Husband chain! And October 31 is not National Kill A Pitbull day either.

🐮🐃Memes1&4: and the next day

🐮Meme1: she

🐃Meme4: he

🐮🐃Memes1&4: received

🐮Meme1: an NFL offensive tackle.

🐃Meme4: a Playboy playmate.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah, I don't want a tackle from some offensive strange Playboy playmate or football dude, eww, get away!

🐮🐃Memes1&4: An unmarried

🐮Meme1: woman

🐴Meme2: Jewish man

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: why Jewish? Maybe he was the same man who got duped by, or even started the Mashiach and the 27 words chain letters?

🐮🐃Memes1&4: living with

🐮Meme1: her

🐃Meme4: his

🐮🐃Memes1&4: widowed mother was able to choose between

🐮Meme1: an orthodontist and a successful gynecologist.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: A gynaecologist? Really? What great luck for him that he chose that line of work, probably just to get sent around in this guy-swap chain letter I suppose! Bleck! I don't want some chain letter man who studies other women.

🐃Meme4: Hooter's waitress and a Hollywood super model.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: So, she gets stuck with a man who gets to study her as eye-candy for a living while he gets his choice of eye-candies? She gets to marry a doctor but his choice of spouses don't get anywhere near that sort of brainy career? Yeah, sounds real fair… Sexist out the wazoo!

🐮🐃Memes1&4: You can be lucky too,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: I'm not interested in your kind of lucky, chick, dude!

🐕Meme6: P.S.

🐴🦃🐕Memes2, 3&6: Have faith

🐴Meme2: in this.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: No way in heck. I put my faith in God, not in chain letters.

🐮Meme1: but

🐮🐴🦃🐃🐗🐕Memes: DO NOT BREAK

🐮🐴🦃🐃🐕Memes1/4&6: THE

🐗Meme5: THIS

🐮🐴🦃🐃🐗🐕Memes: CHAIN!

🐗Meme5: LETTER.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Too late, it's utterly mangled along with you!" *Drops huge shipping container on chain originators*

🐮🐴🦃🐃🐗🐕Memes: One

🐮🐕Memes1&6: woman

🐴Meme2: owner

🐃Meme4: man

🦃Meme3: The last girl

🦃🐕Memes3&6: who

🦃Meme3: did

🐗Meme5: guy for example who

🐮🐃🐕Memes1, 4&6: broke the chain

🐮🐃Memes1&4: and

🐗Meme5: sent the letter to only 5 instead of 9 of his friends

🐮🐴🦃🐃🐗🐕Memes: got

🐮🦃🐕Memes1, 3&6: her

🐴🐃🐗Memes2, 4&5: his

🐮🐴🦃🐃🐕Memes1/4&6: own

🐗Meme5: original

🐮🐕Memes1&6: husband

🐴Meme2: horse

🦃Meme3: boss

🐃Meme4: wife

🐗Meme5: girlfriend

🐮🐴🦃🐃🐗🐕Memes: back

🐮Meme1: again.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Er, dude, chick - breaking the chain means she/he didn't send it, and didn't send their husband/wife/horse/boss off to some woman/man/horse owner/friend/anyone else on their list. So s/he couldn't have gotten their original girl/boyfriend/spouse/horse/boss back, because they never got sent anywhere in the first place. That means - they never left.

🐗Meme5: still in the old dressing gown he sent her off in, with the same old migraine attack, and the accusatorial _expression on her face.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: That's all, the girl didn't toss him out on his sorry uber keaster?

🐗Meme5: On the same day, the international supermodel he'd been living with since he sent off his old girlfriend moved out to live with his best friend (to whom he had not sent the chain letter).

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Gah, the guy has it way too easy... *Throws pitchfork at his head*

🐗Meme5: While I am sending this letter, the guy that is in 6th place above me has already received 837 women and is lying in hospital suffering from exhaustion. Outside his ward are 452 more packages.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: And you want to follow that hubristic example? LOSER!

🐴Meme2: Good luck!

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Thank you, no. Good luck wishes coming from chain letters mean nothing.


🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: What I believe is that this email is one of the most hormonal, selfish, exploitive, unfunny and lying pieces of crap. But unlike a lot of other dumb gender chain dreck, it doesn't trot out the tired old "I Am Woman, Here Me Roar!"

🐃Meme4: Let's keep it going, men!

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: No, kill it!

🐃Meme4: Just add your name to the list below

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Nope…

🐗Meme5: This is a unique opportunity to achieve a totally satisfying sex life. No expensive meals out, no lengthy conversations about trivialities (that only interest women). No obligations, no grumpy mother-in-law, and no unpleasant surprises like marriage or engagement. Do not hesitate........ send this letter today to 9 of your best friends.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: In other words, you're a super uber loser and you want me to spam nine people with this tasteless garbage. If you consider lying in a hospital bed or mauled to death by a bunch of raving, frothing nymphos to be "satisfying" then go ahead and kill yourself. I won't lend a hand to get you out of the mess you get yourself in, no matter how you might moan and scream pitifully about regretting it later. No expensive meals, well, for you and the nymphos, how about simply no food...? Yeah, just live on sex, you won't last long and the sooner the world is rid of you. No trivia you say only girls are interested in... Okay, no news from any outside source at all. Let's stick you all in a big cage somewhere.

🐗Meme5: PS. - Even when you have no girlfriend, you can send your vacuum cleaner; none of the other women that arrives will know how to use it.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Considering how dirty you are anyway, forget the vacuum. You and your filthy nymphos can wallow in your own muck - but separated from each other...!

🐗Meme5: PPS. - This letter can also be copied to women you know so that they can prepare themselves for the great adventure that they may soon undertake

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Opens door to the realm of living nightmares and uses cyber-lift to hurl sex-crazed degenerates through the portal* Prepare yourselves for the world of nightmares! The only way you can get it out is by...Oh, nevermind, I won't tell you.

🐃Meme4: Bill Clinton 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017

Billy Clinton 780 3rd Ave. New York, NY 10017

Billie Clinton 780 3rd Ave. New York, NY 10017

B. Clinton 780 3rd Ave. New York, NY 10017

William Jefferson Clinton 780 3rd Ave. New York, NY 10017

W. Jefferson Clinton 780 3rd Ave. New York, NY 10017

W. Jeff Clinton 780 3rd Ave. New York, NY 10017

W. J. Clinton 780 3rd Ave. New York, NY 10017

W. Clinton 780 3rd Ave. New York, NY 10017

William J Clinton 780 3rd Ave. New York, NY 10017

Willem Clinton 780 3rd Ave. New York, NY 10017

Wilhelm Clinton 780 3rd Ave. New York, NY 10017

Willie Clinton 780 3rd Ave. New York, NY 10017

Will Clinton 780 3rd Ave. New York, NY 10017

Mr. Hillary Clinton 780 3rd Ave. New York, NY 10017

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: ARGH! *Facepalm* That's not a list, it's a stupid fabrication.

Bill clinton didn't start this one, much less be such a dingbat and sign it 15 freaking' times! I'm pretty sure of that. Neither did any US president since then.

Big epic FAIL!

Over and out!


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