"I Wish I Could Change That!"


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😔Meme: 9th Grade

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, another school crush drama.

😔Meme: 👦🏼Boy: I Really Like You; will you go out with me…?

👧🏼Girl: Yes.

👦🏼Boy: What?!?

👧🏼Girl: Yes. … 👦🏼Boy: YES!

*Girl Starts To Fall For The Boy*

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Starts to fall asleep*

😔Meme: *Exactly One Month Later*

Girl’s friend: I Think It’s Time You Two Broke Up.!

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Huh!? Since when does a friend just blurt out something like that for apparently no reason?

😔Meme: 👧🏼Girl: Okay..{Secretly Doesn’t Want To But Is Too Afraid Her Friend Will Hate Her If She Says No.} … …

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Urgh! Okay, I was already feeling a little icky, but this is *twitch* - I don't get it. Just like that, for no reason, this supposed friend tells the girl to break up with her boyfriend, and the girl stupidly does as she's commanded? Even a crush would hold up to this meddling friend. What is this girl, a zombie? she just does whatever she's told?

😔Meme: 👦🏼Boy: Hey.

👧🏼Girl: Hi.

👦🏼Boy: How’s It Going?

👧🏼Girl: It’s fine.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes* Oh, this is where she does what every other chain letter chick does, saying "Fine" when things are anything but…

😔Meme: 👦🏼Boy: What’s wrong?

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: See? Even he knows it isn't fine.

😔Meme: 👧🏼Girl: I Think We Should Break Up..

👦🏼Boy: What..?

👧🏼Girl: We Should Break Up.

👦🏼Boy: Why..?

👧🏼Girl: It’s Just… We Never See Each Other Anymore/:

👦🏼Boy: I Can Change That.

👧🏼Girl: I’ve Never Met Your Family..

👦🏼Boy: I Can Change That.

👧🏼Girl: I Just Don’t Feel That Way For You Anymore..

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Liar.

😔Meme: 👦🏼Boy: I Wish I Could Change That.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Facepalm* Ugh! This conversation. The boy's lines. It burns!

😔Meme: 👧🏼Girl: I’m Sorry.

👦🏼Boy: I Know.

👧🏼Girl: I Have To Go..

👦🏼Boy: Thanks For Trying..

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: And the plot goes nowhere.

😔Meme: {Next day:}

👦🏼Boy: Hey.

👧🏼Girl: I’m Sorry..

👦🏼Boy: No I’m Happy We Broke Up I Could Tell We Weren’t Going Anywhere Too.

👧🏼Girl: Okay…/;

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Yawn*

😔Meme: {Freshman Year:}( 9th Grade )

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, I thought for a moment you had jumped to college.

😔Meme: 👧🏼Girl: (Playing Their Song) I Like Him. I Have Since We First Started Dating, But I Can’t Tell Him; I Can’t Tell Anybody.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Um, I thought they were through. And why can't you tell anybody, chick? You're not making any sense.

😔Meme: {Sophomore Year:}( 10th Grade )

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: I'm not used to hearing these terms applied to high school. Sophomore usually means second year in college, or at least, that's how I always understood it.

😔Meme: 👦🏼Boy: Has A New Girlfriend)

👧🏼Girl: (Playing Their Song) I Like Him…I Still Do…But I Can’t Tell Him; I Can’t Tell Anybody.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Look, he's moved on, so should you. It doesn't matter now if you like him or not. It's over, for now. Until he and that other girl break up, and they probably will...

😔Meme: {Junior Year:}( 11th Grade )

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: That's the first time I've heard of grade 11 being considered junior.

😔Meme: 👦🏼Boy: (Him And His Girlfriend Break Upp)

👧🏼Girl: I Like You. I Always Have-&&-Always Will!

👦🏼Boy: I’m Sorry, I Like Someone Else.

👧🏼Girl: Runs Away Cryingg.)

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Well, chick, if you hadn't enslaved yourself to your supposed friend who got her haw-haws running your life and breaking people up, you still might've broken up with this guy eventually. Or maybe not. Seems to me you could've done better anyway since this guy is decidedly vapid. On the other hand, you two would've made a good vapid pair together.

😔Meme: {The Next day:}

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Oh, seriously? Let me guess. She dies and he kills himself out of guilt. Right? I've read enough of these chain letters to bet that's exactly what happens.

😔Meme: 👦🏼Boy: (Finds A Note In His Locker)

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: And here it comes. The big whine "You don't love me, life isn't worth living" blah blah blah, probably with a bunch of "I should've been honest and not broken it off but I only wanted to fit in and I'm so so very very sorry!"'s thrown in. And then she either has taken or will take her life.

😔Meme: Note: I Told You I Like You, But I Was Wrong. I Meant I Love You; But You Don’t Love Me. I Wish I Could Change That. I’m Sorry For That Day Back In 8th Grade. I Really Didn’t Want To. I’m Gone Now, I’ve Been Sick For A While Now.. By The Time You Read This I’ll Be In The Hospital On Life Support. I Just Needed To Tell You Before I’m Gone. I Love You♥ Don’t Forget That!!(:

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes* Sick? Oh, for crying out loud, not again with the terminal illness bit!

Okay so it isn't suicide this time, it's probably cancer, again… It's always cancer! But I was still right about everything else. She dies. Bleh. But the boy? I guess it could go one way or the other. he'll either kill himself, or life the rest of his life, guilt-ridden over this girl's death and his missed chance at love yadda yadda yadda, which wasn't his fault in the first place and still would've ended this way regardless.

You know, even if the girl hadn't caved in to her supposed friend, (who ought to be at her bedside if she has an ounce of decency in her,) she'd still be dying of this sickness, so this whole like to obsessive crush to dying confession of love story was utterly pointless. Even if the girl and boy had an idillic dating life all through grade 8 to grade 12, it would've ended with her in the hospital, making this just as pointless and depressing.

😔Meme: 👦🏼Boy: (Stares At The Paper For A Long Time And Runs Down The Hall, He Went To Her House, But She Wasn’t Home.)

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Duh, the chain letter just said she was in the hospital. And please, spare me the soap opera hospital scene where he rushes over there and plants tear-drenched kisses on her lips and sobs over and over these last three precious words as she bites the freaking dust!

😔Meme: {The Next day:}

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, just end it already!

😔Meme: 👦🏼Boy: (Goes To The Hospital And Tells The Nurse Who He Wants To See) Nurse: It Seems She Checked Out Yesterday.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah, yeah, I know, I know, she "checked out" of life. *Headdesk* Ears and eyes are bleeding* Must…Clobber…Something…

😔Meme: 👦🏼Boy: She’s Better?

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: No, dude, the nurse meant the other kind of check out, and in my opinion, it was a quip in very poor taste…

😔Meme: Nurse: I’m Afraid Not. She Had Cancer And She Passed Away Yesterday. I’m Sorry.


😔Meme: 👦🏼Boy: (Stares At The Floor, He Runs Out The Door And Down The Street)

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: What? You're actually forgetting to detail the tears streaming down his face this time? That'd be a first for a chain letter.

😔Meme: {The Next Day, At Her Funeral!)

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, for the love of all things good! *Rolling eyes in extreme annoyance* Look, it's understood that she died. she had a funeral. People eulogized and mourned her. And the boy is probably going to confess his love and regrets and all that absolutely lovely stuff, because you want to milk some tears out of me over a couple of people you couldn't even bother to name in this dull story.

😔Meme: 👦🏼Boy: (Asks To Speak)

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Argh! Yeah, I get it. he's gonna make a sappy little speech about how wonderful she was though he hardly knew her and wishes he could've known her better and said those precious three little words and on and on. Bleck!

What I want to know is, was his current girlfriend there? The one he said he liked? Not that second one he broke up with. How would she feel to hear him confess he actually loved someone else after all, even if that someone else is now dead?

😔Meme: 👦🏼Boy: A Few Days Ago I Received A Note From Her. (He Reads The Note) And I Wanted To Tell Her Before She Left That I Loved Her, I Love Her. I’ve Loved Her For A Long Time; And There Is Nothing I Can Do Now.!- Nothing- All I Can Say Is I Love You, And Now Your Gone…. I Wish I Could Change That.!

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: 'I wish I could change that, I wish I could change that' I wish you would change it up and stop repeating yourself. You sound exactly like the schmuck in the Too Shy story chain letter, another story where there was this whole unknown secret love thing going on, and yes, where the woman dies in the end, leaving the schmuck with the same pile of sad emotions and regrets…

😔Meme: 👦🏼Boy: (Stars Cryingg And So Does Everyone Else.)


🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: DUH! Big stinkin' duh! A funeral for a young girl, not even out of high school. Of course everybody's gonna be crying!

😔Meme: The Boy Ends Up Marrying Her Friend Who Told Her To Break Up With Him In TheFirst Place.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: What the *censored*!? AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH! Suckish! Truly sickish!

Okay, so I was wrong about him. He didn't regret losing his first crush forever. But shish, of all the girls he could've married, it had to be *face contorted in disgusted outrage* *That one*!?

😔Meme: When He Found Out What She Had Done,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Hold it! Just a darn second!

How did he find that out?

The dead girl's not around to tell him, and I assumed that conversation was just between those two girls, not overheard by anyone else. And the twink who caused it all doesn't strike me as the sort who would confess it, and why should she anyway? Her rival is out of the picture and they're already married. So why bring up stupid little high school gossip fests after all this time? So, what he does next, will determine if I was right all along in predicting his exit, or I'm wrong.

😔Meme: He Killed Himself; To Be With The Girl He Really Loves!♥

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Argh! So I'm right about him after all. Gah!

😔Meme: He Was 28.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: I don't give a crap how old he was. The last part of this still makes no sense. How/why did he find out what that conniving witch did? I'm pretty sure that question is unanswerable.

😔Meme: Repost Re-post Or You Will Have Bad Luck In Love For 28 Years./:

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Balderdash!

😔Meme: Re-post And Somebody Will Tell You They "Love You" Tomorrow And You Will Get Good News Tonight At Midnight:)

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: So… You actually realize that some random dude just coming up and saying "I love you" tomorrow isn't the good news. So what's your good news then? People don't just *dong* get all their good news at midnight, c'mon, people! And my reposting this crap sure isn't going to make good news happen. No reposts here!

😔Meme: Re-post If You Have A Heart

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Scowl* Don't hand me that coercive crap! My having a heart is exactly why I am NOT reposting it!

😔Meme: And Want To Find A Cure For All Serious Diseases Including Cancer.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Glares and facepalms* Oh, shut it! So you think people who don't repost your drippy viral it must mean they don't have hearts and don't want diseases getting cured? You suck! Beat it! *Pummels hoax originator* And why the heck is it always cancer with you chain creeps!? Why? Just, why? Please, cut the cancer blasts already!

Getting back to this dreadful story now, I bet I know how this wench let it slip out what she had done. I'll try to answer that in the story of her own fate, since, the way this chain letter ends, she is the only one still standing! I'll have to give all these nameless characters names to cut down on the confusion.

Look out, you rotten excuse of a girl friend, and a Mary Sue, you asked for it!


Once there was this conniving spoiled brat who got everything she wanted beyond belief. Let's call her Kayla. Now Kayla was supposedly good friends with a girl we'll call Sasha. That was probably due in large part to the fact that Sasha was a very placid, shy girl, and just went along with whatever Kayla wanted.

As they went through junior high, a boy, we'll call him Julian, began noticing Sasha, but he didn't know how to get her alone, she was always with Kayla.

One day, he did catch her alone, and that was when he made his great admission of liking her.

Much to his surprise, she felt the same way. So they agreed to start going out.

But Kayla wasn't so happy with this, because she had a secret crush on Julian, and had hoped his hanging around her and Sasha would lead to Julian asking her out. He wasn't supposed to fall for Sasha!

A month went by, and Kayla had hoped Sasha and Julian would break up on their own. People were always getting together only to break up a few weeks later, so why was this taking so long?

Kayla decided it would be better to approach Sasha rather than Julian about this, since Julian would probably think she was simply jealous and be more determined than ever to stick with Sasha.

So Kayla confronted Sasha and told her point blank that she needed to break it off with Julian.

Sasha had the distinct feeling that Kayla would hate her if she didn't, and she wasn't assured of her future with Julian yet, so she gave in to Kayla, and regretted it for the rest of her life.

Julian had already felt something was off with him and Sasha, so it wasn't a complete surprise when she came to him with the bad news about their needing to break up.

He was disappointed, but they would both get over it, everyone eventually did, or so he thought.

A year later, Julian had a new girlfriend, Courtney, and Kayla was furious over it. She had been so sure he would take a liking to her when she got Sasha to break up with him.

So, Kayla decided to see about breaking them up as well. She befriended Courtney, just enough to do what she planned on doing when the time was right.

Kayla spilled secrets she got Courtney to tell, publicly, started rumors about her, and about Julian.

Courtney and Julian decided not to pay the jealous girl any mind, whoever she was, and only carried on with their relationship.

Sasha couldn't move on and continued pining away for Julian, and she got no sympathy from Kayla, who would've been there for her if she had been a real friend.

But with or without Kayla's conniving, Julian and Courtney's relationship wasn't all sunshine and roses either, and they broke up a year later.

By then, sasha couldn't stand it any more, and she finally went to Julian, confessing her regret at breaking things off. She would've told him something more, but didn't get the chance.

But Julian had more bad news - he liked someone else, he didn't say who, but it was not Kayla, who still tried to get his attention every chance she got.

Now Kayla ignored Courtney altogether and made Julian's new girlfriend her next pet project.

This was the beginning of the end for Sasha.

She must've been ill for a while, but no one seemed to have noticed or cared, and life wasn't worth living or fighting for any more.

So she wrote a tell-all note to Julian, left it at school, and checked into the hospital for the last time.

Julian had to cancel his date with his new girlfriend Emma, and put any plans with her on hold because of this.

To make a long dreary story short, Sasha died soon after. Julian was too late trying to get back in touch with her, and Kayla couldn't be bothered.

Kayla and Emma were both in for a shock at the funeral when Julian confessed he had loved Sasha all this time. emma felt betrayed, and broke it off with Julian immediately.

But Kayla couldn't be discouraged. Julian couldn't have Sasha now, and he no longer had emma and wasn't likely to go back to Courtney.

So Kayla made the moves and eventually got Julian to the alter, no, make that the justice of the peace.

They were married six years and had no children. Kayla was too much a child herself and didn't want to ruin her figure… Julian didn't force the issue, though he would've like to have a family. He had thought Kayla did too, she had told him so before they were married. Once they were hitched, the real Kayla started coming out. She was not the understanding friend who missed Sasha so much and was sorry she had died. She wasn't interested at all in girl's night out with Courtney, who kept trying in vain to rekindle the good friendship she thought she'd once had with Kayla.

When Emma married Jeff, a lot of her school mates were invited to the wedding. This was an exciting year anyway, because the 10 year school reunion was also taking place a month later.

At the wedding reception, Kayla dipped into the sauce way too much, and the result was her being more demanding, obnoxious, bratty and uninhibited than usual. It was during this drunken state that she laughed and crowed about how she got Sasha to break it off with Julian. She went on about how everyone who was getting married now, or had gotten married in the past, missed out on the best guy ever, because he eventually ended up married to Kayla, the coolest girl in the whole school.

Julian, drunk himself, wasn't thinking clearly either.

He lost his cool completely. Feeling like the world's worst jerk and fool in one, he bolted, claiming he needed to go to the men's room.

He never came back.

Kayla was driven home by someone less impaired, and Julian was nowhere to be found.

The next day, Julian was found, having killed himself.

Now Kayla was completely alone, and very sorry for herself. She was now the one wishing she could "change that".

So, she decided to write a chain letter about it. She got Sasha to give up her own happiness, got Julian to give up his and eventually destroy himself, and now Kayla wanted to make other people as sad as possible.

But when meme-mangler Ocean Elf read her chain letter and smashed it without shedding a single tear, Kayla was so crushed. She was already mad that she couldn't prevent Courtney and Emma from marrying and being happy, and now she couldn't even move a stranger to tears. So she killed herself.

The end.

Over and out.


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