🧝‍♀️ 🤦🏽‍♀️


Men Are Just Happier People

🧝‍♀️Haw, haw, haw! So not convinced.

* * *

📧From: a woman

Subject: Men Are Just Happier People

🦍🚹Meme: Men Are Just Happier People

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Oh, really? I bet you can't

🤦🏽‍♀️BP and 🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: convince me.

🦍🚹Meme: What do you expect from such simple creatures?

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: What, implying that all guys are simple? Pssh...nonsense.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, is that sort of like the old cliche that says ignorance is bliss?

🦍🚹Meme: Your last name stays put.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: That's only if he's marrying in North American/British/French/German etc. society.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: That depends on the country you're getting married in. So, that point is out.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: I believe it's the other way around in some South american cultures. Nowadays, many women keep their maiden names.

🦍🚹Meme: The garage is all yours.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Uh, no. And besides, what if you don't have a garage? I guess you're just out of luck and your life will be miserable beyond compare! *rolls eyes*

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Unless you live in an apartment or live with people who also use the garage. But wow, maybe next time I'm in a bit of a downer I'll go out and get a garage all to myself, that'll auto-whoosh away every trouble and unhappy feeling and replace them with nothing but happy happy joy joy! Roflol Now is that ridiculous or what?

🦍🚹Meme: Wedding plans take care of themselves.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Lies! Nothing takes care of itself. There's an order and a pattern to everything. Besides, some guys like to help plan weddings.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Unless you don't get married. Anyway, there are probably men who do help with the wedding plans, and women who are happey planning their weddings...

🦍🚹Meme: Chocolate is just another snack.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Uh...and this is news, how?

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: No...You don't have to be a woman to really like chocolate. So what would you rather have? Let me guess - beer...

🦍🚹Meme: You can be President.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: If you're running, yeah, but so can girls! Come on, get with it!

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Of course you can be president but only if you're a candidate in the running, and then, gender does not, and should not matter! Get with the times!

🦍🚹Meme: You can never be pregnant.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: What, implying that guys should just sleep around? Wow, way to make an entire gender sound like a load of sleezebags!

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Ever heard of abstinence? Ever heard of the pill? Ever heard of women getting their tubes tied? For that matter, ever heard of women who want to be pregnant because they actually want a family, unlike you, who just wants to - you get the idea - ? You suck!

🦍🚹Meme: You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Well, technically, anyone can.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Of course I can, what's a little water on a white shirt on a hot day? Gender be darned!

🦍🚹Meme: You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Only if you want me to disown you as a friend or relative and die of embarrassment shortly after. I don't approve of men going topless either.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Eh, okay? It's one thing if you're in your swimsuit and a guy, but if you're just chillin', shirtless, then it's weird.

🦍🚹Meme: Car mechanics tell you the truth.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: What, and they lie to all females? Sheesh...

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Unless you don't own a car or you get a mechanic who doesn't fit the stupid stereotype.

🦍🚹Meme: The world is your urinal.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Eeeeww...! Who would want to be around someone who PEES ON EVERYTHING!? That's disgusting!

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Ewww, gross! In which case, you are not a man, you're a dirty, thick-whitted animal that is not house-broken and should be stuck in a cage and fed on dog, cat, and bird food, and you would be anything but happy if you had to deal with me.

🦍🚹Meme: You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: And you have the urge to go at every stop anyway!

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Hey, gas station bathrooms can be just downright repulsive. And that's not a girl thing only, y'know, some people don't want to be surrounded by filth. Wow, imagine that...

🦍🚹Meme: You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Which is the limit you probably have on direction capability anyway. That sort of thing would probably be a sinch for me. I don't get my left&right, clockwise&counter-clockwise mixed up.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Uh, well, guess what! Neither do I! Oooh, but isn't that just amazing! *rolls eyes*

🦍🚹Meme: Same work, more pay.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Oh, gimme a break!

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Bullcrap. That lie has been debunked ages ago, and we do get equal pay for equal work. This chain letter must've been written either by a feminist or a male troll.

🦍🚹Meme: Wrinkles add character.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: No, they just ad wrinkles - and this applies to both genders.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Uhm...hate to brake it to ya, but wrinkles are wrinkles. Likeing the way wrinkles make you look is a matter of opinion.

🦍🚹Meme: Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Unless it's a home-made dress and you buy the tux. And again that's only if you plan to get married.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: What, so all dresses and tuxedos cost the same now? Yeesh...

🦍🚹Meme: People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Unless you're wearing no shirt and you're growing enough hair on it to put a gorilla to shame. People are likely to take a second look at your balding head, though. And, much as it disgusts me, there are women who are happy about people staring at their chests.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Gah, yeah, some grosso girls actually enjoy that crap. But you know, some guys are harry little ape-men, so if you're being a weirdo and just goin' shirtless everywhere, people might stare at you too.

🦍🚹Meme: The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: With disgust and is frowned on by anyone civilized in North America. Other cultures may be different again.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: *sigh* I'm not even going to go into that one.

🦍🚹Meme: New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Mine don't either! My shoes are comfy and practicle.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Neither do mine, I shop for comfort.

🦍🚹Meme: One mood all the time.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah - zoned out!

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Sheesh, that would suck. No happy, no sad, no mad, no anything!

🦍🚹Meme: Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Again, that would suck. How would you get anything done?

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh yeah? Explain the guys who yack loudly on their cell phones when they're sitting at the next table or standing right behind you in a long lineup in a public place.

🦍🚹Meme: You know stuff about tanks

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Which makes you a happier person because? Look, we are generally happier when we have these little things called interests! Wow, what a concept!

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Hey! Guess what! So do I! So, guess that one goes out the window as a guy-only thing. Besides, I wouldn't say knowing stuff about tanks makes my life some wonderful happy experience.

🦍🚹Meme: A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Hel-lo!? Same here!

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Me too. What, were you expecting a suitcase for every day?

🦍🚹Meme: You can open all your own jars.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Lots of women can do that - including me, most of the time. So?

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: So can I! Besides, some jars are evil. They get all gunked up, and you might need someone stronger to open the dang thing.

🦍🚹Meme: You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Oh, yeah right! Maybe if you expect nothing from all the guys on Earth!

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Not from me - equal credit for equal character.

🦍🚹Meme: If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: You're assuming every girl is a horrible shallow brat. If I don't get invited to something, I'll get over it!

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Especially if it was something you really didn't want to go to in the first place.

🦍🚹Meme: Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Uh...okaaaayy...since underwear prices matter SO much!

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Depends on the store, the brand, you get the idea - anyway, who in the world keeps a record in their head of currency for crotch-covers?

🦍🚹Meme: Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Same here! Never been a person to have tons of shoes.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Let's see - I have two pairs of practical everyday shoes and one strictly dress-up pair. Plenty! Sandals for the summer and closed in shoes for the rest of the year, that suits me just fine.

🦍🚹Meme: You almost never have strap problems in public.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Neither do I. But that's because I have this little thing called 'common sense'.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Heck, I almost never have strap problems in public or in private, but then, I make sure I'm comfortable and have clothing that fits and stays in position well.

🦍🚹Meme: You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Pssh, I've done that for as long as I can remember.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah, same here, I have to make a conscious effort to examine mine, but I usually try not to wear clothes that wrinkle badly in the first place. Or be careful not to sleep in them. I have the smarts to realize that even if I can't see wrinkles in my clothes, others will.

🦍🚹Meme: Everything on your face stays its original color.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: What, so you're a stone-face? No change? EVER? That must get dreadfully dull.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Unless you get embarrassed, angry, or scared - and I've known men to do all three.

🦍🚹Meme: The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: What's wrong with changing a haircut? You make it sound like a horrible thing.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh yeah, I had long hair for a decade, then went shorter, and have had it this way for years. Yeah, looks good, feels good.

🦍🚹Meme: You only have to shave your face and neck.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: So?

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: And that's just in the summer during shorts season. Most of us wear long pants in the fall and winter, so who cares about leg-shaving then?

🦍🚹Meme: You can play with toys all your life.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Let's see. I have a bag of marbles in one desk drawer, a few stuffed animals in another, a set of legos downstairs that has a few pieces missing over the years but I'll take them out every once in a long while to fiddle with, I have some little dolls that are nice to hold, a twirler plastic thing that sings when it's, well, twirled, (or, I used to have...) furbies, pokemon, an assortment of toys that make sounds, some light flashers in various shapes, internet chat, shall I go on?

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Ha! I plan on playing with toys till the day I die!

🦍🚹Meme: Your belly usually hides your big hips.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Ooh, yay, a big belly! My life is complete! *sarcasm: warp 50*

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: And that makes you happier, because?

🦍🚹Meme: One wallet and one pair of shoes --

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Your monumental conniption over the shoes is utterly pathetic.. Calm down and smarten up.

I only have two wallets because someone gave one to me they no longer wanted.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Why would you want more than one wallet, anyway?

🦍🚹Meme: one color for all seasons.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Same here. Why get clothes that only go with one season?

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah - I usually wear colors that look good in all seasons.

🦍🚹Meme: You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: I do.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Blah, blah, blah...

🦍🚹Meme: You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Ouch - yuck! And that makes you happier because?

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: I've done that in a pinch, but if you aren't super careful, you can nick yourself something awful. And you should only do that with a clean pocket knife! You could get all sorts of horrible infections!

🦍🚹Meme: You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache..

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Um, so mustaches equal freedom? Yeah that's some swell logic...

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Uhm, yeah, but who cares? And since when does a mustache equal "freedom?" Besides, I couldn't grow one if I wanted to, which I don't, and you know what? I'm happily enjoying my freedom!

🦍🚹Meme: You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: And probably end up getting them worthless junk they don't want.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Wow! Jerk! You'd probably get everyone crap, too, and not feel bad about it at all!

🦍🚹Meme: No wonder men are happier.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Right...that's a load of crap.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Gosh yes, ohhh, to burp, know about tanks, cut yourself doing your nails with a knife, turn nuts and bolts, wear a mustache, and pee all over creation making everything stink - now that - is HAPPINESS!

Over and out.


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