🧝‍♀️ 🤦🏽‍♀️


World Cup Soccer Chain Letter

I first saw it posted here, and that person got it from someone else etc. I don't know who actually started it.

Like other chains, it can be adapted to talk about any big sports event. In this case, it was the 2010 world cup in soccer. But it could also mutate to become a Stanley cup or Super Bowl version at any subsequent year.

These are a lot of fun to mangle, and they have nothing to do with religion or politics except for those of sports. :)

Let's mangle this one!


🙎‍♂️Meme: Funny: World Cup rules for your spouse(s)

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Gah...

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Why do I have a feeling that this won't be funny at ALL?

🙎‍♂️Meme: If you are a soccer fan, and you would like to avoid confrontations during the WC 2010 South Africa, it is suggested that you print, laminate and display this in a prominent location in your house the following letter:

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Laminate this thing? Seriously? LAMINATE A CHAIN LETTER!? And where to put it once the event is over?

Erm, yeah, it's getting mangled on this site instead.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Ehm...laminate..a...chain...letter...are you out of your blazin' mind? Oh, wait...I forgot, in order to be OUT of your mind, you need to HAVE a mind.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Hahahaha!

🙎‍♂️Meme: Dear Sweetheart

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: NO ONE calls me sweetheart, especially not some chain letter creep! Try that again and see what happens!

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Call me that again and I'll throw any of these things at you, depending on availability - piercing icicles, poison ivy, a yellow jacket nest - with live wasps in it!

🙎‍♂️Meme: Between 11 June and 11 July 2010,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Or some other date in the future depending on which world sports event sees this chain recycled…

🙎‍♂️Meme: you should read the sports section of the newspaper

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: There are other ways of checking out the news. Oh, but you haven't figured out yet that the internet isn't just an unfortunate means of spreading your stupid meme.

🙎‍♂️Meme: so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World of Soccer,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: If I wanna know about the world cup I'll just watch TV.

🙎‍♂️Meme: and that way you will be able to join in the conversations.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Don't make the mistake of assuming I'd even want to talk to you.

🙎‍♂️Meme: If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Who cares? You're not that important. Really.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: And why should I care if you look at me funny? I've never much been a 'care about what the masses think of me' kind of person.

🙎‍♂️Meme: or you will be totally ignored.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh goody! Is that a promise?

🙎‍♂️Meme: DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: As if I want your attention in the first place anyway - ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, that's a hot one!

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Complain? I'd be pleased as punch if you left me alone completely and forever.

🙎‍♂️Meme: During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Are you serious? Removing an eye for looking at the remote...can I remove your fingers for writing this? And your hands for being connected to your fingers? And how about YOUR eyes too, since they looked at the screen? Heck, why stop there? Oh, right, because I'm not a freakin' chain weirdy like you!

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Remember that hornet nest I told you about? And there are two TVs in my house so stop fussing. I also have a couple of pet cages and litter, some of which could get tossed at you. I've got a few other things at my disposal that aren't nice to get clocked with, so, provoke me, dude, and you're in for a prolonged, painful, nasty business.

🙎‍♂️Meme: If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: That's pathetic. I don't want to be anywhere near you, and you know what? For that, if I were around you, I'd purposely stand in front of the screen. Yeah. Deal with it.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Actually I should have no reason to even want to do anything that's anywhere near you and your precious world cup soccer, sucker... And the one who's gonna be crawling around here is you if you don't shut up.

🙎‍♂️Meme: During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell on the floor... It won't happen.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Since you're going to be blind and deaf, I could unplug the TV and take the remote away and you'd never know the difference. Since you're going to be mute, (What a blessing!) I wouldn't even have to put up with you squalling about it! You can get your own dang food and drinks. What baby? Dropping babies? Not cool. You're heading for serious trouble... Serious, SERIOUS trouble! Who in their right mind would let you in the same building with a baby?

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Uh, HELLO?! Excuse me?! If you're prioritizing a sport over a human being, you need to be punched. Hard. In the face. I don't give a crap about your precious soccer game, if you're going to be a selfish idiot, then you don't deserve to watch it. AT ALL.

🙎‍♂️Meme: It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 konyagi (cognac) or safari beer in the fridge at all times,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: I don't keep booze in the house. Deal with it or buy your own.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Newsflash, bub, there's no alcohol in my house, and there never will be. So if you need to get your fix, you can get the heck away from me and waste away somewhere else.

🙎‍♂️Meme: as well as plenty of things to nibble on (excluding your body parts),

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: EWWWWWW! I wouldn't want a slob like you anywhere NEAR me, let alone trying to use me as a chew toy! You're disgusting, shut up! Go away! The snacks I keep are for me, and I only share them with people I respect and care about or with acquaintances who haven't rubbed me the wrong way. That is NOT YOU! Get your own! Or starve to death… Makes no nevermind to me.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Um...freakin' ew. You so much as get a tooth near me, and I'm knocking ALL of them out. You want a snack, go buy one. I share my snacks with friends and family, and you are neither of those.

🙎‍♂️Meme: and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Do you meet AT your friends? I make faces at friends or family members for fun sometimes, and they know it. I wouldn't be making faces at your friends...they wouldn't be in my house because YOU wouldn't be in my house!

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Why would I do a silly thing like that. Truly funny faces are reserved for people such as family and friends, when goofing around. You are neither! Oh, and by the way, expressions of disgust don't count as funny faces, and they are the only expressions along with all manner of extreme dislike you will ever see from me. So if you wanna watch the games so much, go over to your dang friends places, you're more welcome over there than you'll ever be at mine!

🙎‍♂️Meme: In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: But you said in the above the TV was yours for the duration of the games. So which is it?

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: So...you get the TV all the time, and yet I get it from 12 to 6? Make up your mind.

🙎‍♂️Meme: Please, please, please!! If you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say "get over it, it's only a game", or "don't worry, they'll win next time". If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called "words of encouragement" will only lead to a break up or divorce.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Like I want your love anyway. And you know what? I do believe I thoroughly detest you. If you're willing to break up or get a divorce over a STUPID and yes, I said STUPID game, then you have problems. There's nothing wrong with getting into a game, with enjoying a sport. But when you put it above people? No. Not right. And, newsflash, you don't LOVE someone less over a sport. Love doesn't work that way, and if you had an ounce of brain, you'd know that.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: 1. I'm not your wife.
2. I'm not even your girlfriend.
3. I don't want your love!
4. Why would I even try to encourage you with soft comforting supportive words when you get upset and babyish over a loss?
5. I don't care who knows more about football. I don't give much of a dang about it in the first place, so deal.
6. Just for that, I hope your favorite team loses! There, you've just cursed your own team by daring me to cheer on the opposition, and by the way, if they do lose, guess who's fault it'll be. YOURS, for wanting it too much!

🙎‍♂️Meme: You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the half time scores is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying "one" game; hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend time together".

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Ewww! Listen, bub, except for your reject friends, you'll be alone. I don't want to sit with you even during the commercials! Why in the world would I want anything cheesy like time together with you? Erm, anybody got a couple of tums or Rollaids or Pepto or something?

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: You're watching the game alone, creep. Spending time with you would be like pulling out my own teeth. Without Novocaine. While being eaten by beetles.

🙎‍♂️Meme: The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again, Many times.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah, I watch my favorite sports moments when they come on TV too. So?

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: *yawn* So?

🙎‍♂️Meme: Tell your friends NOT to have any babies,

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Ha! Right, and you think I control that? I'll be sure to pass on THAT memo. Seeing as how you don't give a crap about anyone but yourself anyway...

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Guffaws* That's rich! Um, gals, please don't have any more babies, this freakin dude who I don't even know, just tried to take over my living room and wants to watch soccer! Right, makes sense and would go over swimmingly well!

🙎‍♂️Meme: or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because: (A) I will not go (B) I will not go; and (C) I will not go.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: What makes you think you'd get invited to anything anyway? From what I've seen so far, you're a lousy excuse for a human being.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Not to worry, considering your comment about falling babies earlier, I wouldn't want to endanger any children by subjecting them to your presence!

🙎‍♂️Meme: But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: You can be there in a flash, and don't return!

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: And don't come back!

🙎‍♂️Meme: The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you have already seen this...why don't you change the channel to something we can all watch?" because, the reply will be, "Refer to Rule #2 of this list".

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Oh, I bet your life is just a ray of sunshiney joy, isn't it? What does it feel like to have alienated anyone who might have cared about you except your fellow obsessive fans?

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Likewise, mitts off the remote and get out of my way when hockey highlights are on, got it, Bubba? Two can play that game.

🙎‍♂️Meme: And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words, because before and after this comes the Champions League, Premier League, Super Spanish League, KPL, Grand Prix, Tri Nations, hell, even WrestleMania, etc.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Actually, thank God I don't live with you!

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: You, are officially a waste of oxygen.

🙎‍♂️Meme: By the way, if you get stuck on the road, call SOS.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: If you end up on the wrong end of my fist...

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: And if you get stuck lying in a ditch, you'll know why.

🙎‍♂️Meme: Thank you for your cooperation.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Oh, shut up already.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Thank you for finally shutting up.

Over and out!


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