🤦🏽‍♀️ 🧝‍♀️

Chain Letters To Santa

Santa is not only the subject of chain letters from about Halloween to well into the new year, but he gets hit with this annoying spam before Christmas, and so does anyone else who finds this junk clogging up the newsfeed and friends' profiles/walls.

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🧒Meme: Dear Santa: For Christmas I'd like...

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: You'd like everybody reposting this chain status - well, I hope Santa won't be among those who do…

🧒Meme: No wait forget that!! Go and get your sleigh and go to Afghanistan

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes* Oh, brother, not again… Brace yourselves, readers, another huge deliberate pain-packed wallop of an emotional heart-yank coming right up to juxtapose the initial play at cutesy and innocent faciciousness. Then you will, if everything goes as the chain originator intended, be well softened up and ready to REPOST THIS STATUS!

Well, not me.

🧒Meme: and get all the soldiers and bring them home.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: You know, they went there of their own free will, because they believed in something so much they were willing to fight for it, even to the death. Yes, war is heck. Yes, it ideally shouldn't happen and shouldn't have happened.

But the world is not an ideal place, and there always has been and always will be wars, and people who are willing to go to war to try and make things better in other countries, and try to stop foreign threats to their own countries.

🧒Meme: They deserve presents more than I do!!

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Gag* Cry me a river full of crocodile tears and show the world just how totally martyr and giving you are… Please… Look, I'll bet some souldiers who lost their mates and feel badly about not having been able to save them would probably disagree with you anyway.

Santa's mission is not to bring soldiers home, it's to bring presents to people, and even he would have to respect what's going on and not interfere just because you want to be a bleeding heart about it.

🧒Meme: Put this as your status to show respect for the heroes that won't be coming home this Christmas

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Rot. You don't show respect for anyone by cluttering up social networks with self-righteous, gloomy drip…

Your chain statuses won't bring them back or make their loved ones' Christmases any easier to take.

Please... Just stick to the minute of silence on Nove. 11 and saying quiet prayers privately, but don't repost this goopy chain status any further.

Oh, and, just because people don't repost it, does not make them guilty of disrespecting the heros who aren't coming home for Christmas.

Just getting that straight.

Now, for my own request.

Dear Santa,

What I want for Christmas is for people to stop posting viral Facebook statuses that tell you to repost or like something.

I'm glad to report that I'm not the only one sick of this!

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👦Meme: Dear Santa,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Bleck, another faux Santa letter. I feel sorry for Santa, being the target of so much darn chain mail!

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Ditto! Sheesh, the poor guy never gets a break, does he?

👦Meme: I don't want much for Christmas,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Right, trying to sound all noble or something along that line. What you want, though, is for this chain status to spread, and I unfortunately saw that happening as a habitual forwarder did just that. It popped up in my newsfeed, and I always dread there will be more of them.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: H'm! Yeah, they always say they don't want much...just to make us all feel guilty for wanting stuff and try to make us tear up and all...well guess what pally, not gonna happen!

👦Meme: I just want the person reading this to be happy.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Well, sorry to break it to you, but I was happy until this thing was discovered in my newsfeed. Then, I wasn't happy any more.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Urg, gag me with a spoon...if you want people to be happy, then don't send them this!

👦Meme: Friends are the fruit cake of life ---

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: What!? You actually said that - I cannot believe you actually said something so incredibly corny loopy in all seriousness! My gosh, I've heard some really cheesy things before, but this takes the - um, cake!

Yeah, some people are fruitcakes, and that generally isn't meant as a compliment.

As for friends being the fruitcake of life - what if one doesn't like fruitcake?

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: *snicker* Eh, come again? Friends are fruitcake? I know a heck of a lot of people don't like fruitcake, and you know what, calling someone a fruitcake generally isn't a compliment...but I guess you're not terribly quick on the draw, so you wouldn't know that...

👦Meme: some nutty,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Exactly, where do you think "nutty as a fruitcake" comes from? Oh, but you're going to go on a real saccharin drip about how some are nutty and others are sweet and spicy and maybe rich or just about any other word that has been used to describe both cakes and people, give it a rest, I get it already!

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Heh! Yeah, probably gonna go off on some big list of lame comparisons...thinking they're all clever...

👦Meme: some soaked in alcohol,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Hadn't thought of that one, but yeah, I see what you're getting at.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Tch! Yeah, like I want a friend "soaked in alcohol".

👦Meme: some sweet, but mix them together and they're my friends

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Blah, blah, blah…

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: I'm supposed to be bowled over by the awesomeness of this right now, aren't I? Not gonna happen...

👦Meme: At Christmas you always hear people talking about what they want & bought.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: So what? You know, I'm really sick of chain letters whinging about people Christmas shopping, and generally really tired of people whining about how they think Christmas is too commercial. Look, it doesn't have to be, and it isn't for me. There's nothing the matter with treating your family and friends to a little something special on a day other than their birthday.

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Oh, give it a rest, you whiny fruitcake! I like buying friends and family presents, but I'm not obsessed with presents. Sheesh, it's like if you want to buy something you're some materialistic stinkface...

👦Meme: This is what I want: I want people who are sick with no cure to be able to be cured. I want children with no families to be adopted. I want people to never have to worry about food, shelter & heat. I want peace and love for everyone!

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes* Yeah, look, you think that somehow makes you real special and different from everyone else? It doesn't.

Yes I want all that too, but I don't live in a world of perma-wishing for absolutely impossible things while grousing about people's Christmas shopping. I also know that none of that is going to happen by spreading this cheesy chain letter!

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Here, here! Of course I want those things to happen, but they certainly aren't going to by spreading this whiny drip around. You wanna make a different? Then stop sending these around and do something!

👦Meme: Now, let's see how many people re-post this....

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Give me a break! I don't want this darn thing reposted again and again from different people, cluttering up my newsfeed or profile with copies and copies of this drip!

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Exactly! Howsabout this thing stops spreading like a nasty case of the flu and just DIES already?

👦Meme: I have a feeling I am gonna see almost no re-posts.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Well you're wrong. I saw at least one sucker repost it, my newsfeed proves it, and it is why I discovered and now mangle it. So don't give me that reverse psychological trick about no reposts! You're just playing the same stupid game you always do, trying to manipulate masses of people into spreading this junk with a lie claiming the ones who forward it are in the minority!

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Oh, if only this thing would get no re-posts...IF ONLY!

👦Meme: PLEASE prove me wrong

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: You did that well enough on your own with your supposed feeling about no reposts.

Don't anybody post any more stupid fruitcake on my Facebook!

🤦🏽‍♀️BP: Or mine! Kill this stupid thing! Kill it! Kill it now!

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