These are women who act as if they and their weddings are more important than anything or anyone else in the universe.
Bridezillas also have a tendency to become memes aka chain letters.
You know what that means!
I'll be mangling a bridezilla meme from 2012.
-
Argh, I really dislike it when people who behave atrociously are made anonymous. It means I have to come up with names for them. And there's something to be said for the idea that they should own up to their behavior.
Because this turned into a meme AKA went viral, without any names of whoever wrote this stuff, it might or might not have been an authentic email. It made the rounds back when Gawker was still a thing, so could have been submitted into that site as a joke.
so I'll just call the bride-to-be Summer, and mangle her meme.
Summer had become so infamous for her crazy email full of unreasonable demands that it went viral.
Real or not, it was so outrageous. Unfortunately, there are of course people around who are jumping down the throat of the bride's maid who was incensed enough to send Summer's email to Gawker, a site that finally died in disgrace. I wouldn't have supported that idea either, only because I've always disliked Gawker. Otherwise, when someone is this nuts in their emails, they are asking to be exposed to a wider public.
If you're going to act like a jerk, you deserve to be exposed.
A hypothetical bridesmaid had some great responses to Summer's litany of demands and threats, and you can see it here.
Now, let's mangle this meme. I will include the comments of the hypothetical bridesmaid here as well. Once again, her name is unknown, so I will call her Sarah.
* * *
Summer: To m lovely Bridesmaid:
As you all know I picked 10 wonderful ladies to stand by my side, share and make happen my special day to Jake.
Ocean: Okay, why did his name get mentioned? Gawker, if you're going to remove names…?
As for you, Summer, I know this is leading up to something nasty.
Summer: Each of you individually have a reason and a special place in my heart of why I picked you to be a bridesmaid.
Ocean: Duh, no, really, Summer?
Sarah: TO THE MOST DIFFICULT BRIDE EVER:
FIRSTLY, IT'S NOT AN HONOR TO BE A BRIDESMAID, IT'S A FAVOR. Everything you said is really nice, but the fact that ten of us were chosen for the honor makes us feel more like an army than a select group of friends.
*****
Summer: We have set our date for Saturday, August 31, 2013 in Vail, Colorado.
Ocean: Nice to know…
Summer: That seems far away but it really isn't, the earlier the planning the better.
Ocean: For the really big stuff, sure, like where exactly the wedding will be held, but ten months is way too early for you to be getting really nit-picky about little things.
Sarah: YOUR PARTY ISN'T A SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER MOVIE For you, this wedding may feel like a personal Oscars, the most significant event of 2013, but for us it's just a night where we drink and eat. It's really hard to get excited about dinner a year from now.
Ocean: No doubt, especially when the person making all these demands has such big entitlement issues!
*****
Summer: You may have already knew that my wonderful sister L— will be the Maid of Honor, she's in charge under me. Also my lovely mom will be a big help as well. L— has a big role in throwing me a bridal shower and bachelorette party, of course all of you guys do but at the end of the day shes the go to person and makes it happen.
Ocean: Your hierarchical view of people is sickening! Somehow I'm getting the impression you are in this and trying to get others involved in it for all the wrong, self-centric reasons. Where does love fit into this? where does friendship come into it for you?
Sarah: WE DON'T NEED A BRIDESMAIDS' MILITARY RANKING. WE'RE GOOD. Another thing that makes us feel less special? Being told where we are in the hierarchy of specialness.
Ocean: No kidding! It seems to be all about status and glory, and seeing how many hoops she can get people jumping through for her. *Scowl*
And don't get me started on bachelor(ette) parties. I'm staunchly against them because of what goes on in them. Why get married at all if you're going to gawk at other men/women as a last big sort of hurrah to being single before tying the knot? When you are engaged, or are in an established relationship with someone you supposedly love, you shouldn't be ogling other people, period.
That's a crappy tradition which needs to die.
Anyway, moving on…
*****
Summer: You all have a big roll in this wedding, so before we continue I'm going to be setting some ground rules and its very important you read and think about everything through before you accept this honor to be a bridesmaid.
Ocean: I'm pretty sure these girls know how to behave at a wedding, and don't need a set of rules spelled out for them like pre-schoolers. But at least your writing this early gives any of them the option to opt out of being one of your bridesmaids before it's too late.
Summer: If you guys email anything I would also like you to put L— in the CC. Not all the bridesmaid need to be CC'd unless its coming from me or L—, if it something everyone needs to see then well do it.
Ocean: But it would be best to keep everybody in the loop and communicating. So I'd go for the all BCc method anyway. I mean, the nerve of you, telling the bridesmaids not to Bcc: each other…
Sarah: YOU'RE NOT A CEO ADDRESSING NEW HIRES I know you feel like you're running an enterprise, but we're not getting paid. In fact, in your business plan we all "spend" money, so you're going to have to work on the incentives before you start micro-managing.
Ocean: Here, here!
*****
Summer: We set the date to August 31, 2013 if that's a problem we need to know NOW. Also by the end of the week we will be setting dates for the engagement party, bridal show and bachelorette party.
Sarah: MORE THAN 2 EMAILS ABOUT YOUR 2013 WEDDING IN THE SAME WEEK WILL FORCE US TO FILE YOUR NAME UNDER SPAM. Really August 31st? I think I'm doing something on that date. Oh wait, I'm going to the wedding you just gave us the date for two sentences ago. We got it. Also, your warning about further dates suggests several more emails like this one, which is already not going well. How about you save this email as a draft and send the whole shebang when you've got all your dates together? Thanks.
*****
Summer: Our wedding party is really the most important people at the wedding besides my self and Jake so we want every single one of our bridesmaid and grooms at our parties, I have 10 not 8 where two couldn't make it so if you already know you cant make one of the parties then we have to find someone else, not to be harsh in the slightest it would sadden me and of course you'll still be invited to our wedding, engagement ect.
Sarah: IF YOU WANT OUR HELP, PLEASE DON'T THREATEN US ...And you have to write, "not to be harsh," you're being harsh.
*****
Summer: But it's different if your not in the wedding party and couldn't make it. We'll give everyone well advance dates for the parties and it will always fall on a weekend.
Ocean: So cut down on all those parties. Are they really necessary? You're already having an engagement party and a wedding day. You can't expect every bridesmaid to make it to every other unnecessary party you want to plan.
I saw a lot of people discussing this email who were really bothered by a wrong word. It's supposed to be "You're not in the wedding party" since you were using the short form of "you are". "Your" refers to something that is yours.
Summer: The wedding as I stated will be in Vail the engagement party will either be in NY or CT and the bachelorette party will be in Vegas, cliche yeaa but I've never been.
Ocean: Ho-ly - crap!
Are you seriously expecting a whole contingent of people to fly all over the US just to go to these lousy parties!? Self-important much?
Try being sensible about it and have the parties in one location, heck all in a weekend, that should be manageable. People aren't made of money, and flying is expensive!
Summer: A few girls live out of town so if there is going to be a problem with coming to either one then I need to know now because after this week I don't want to be surprised.
Ocean: Don't make such ridiculous demands and you won't get surprised.
Summer: I would like everyone to send me any dates they are going away or planning to go away after February so if your going away in January I don't care. I want any dates from February to the day of our wedding in August, that way we know not to plan something when your away.
Ocean: And what if somebody doesn't yet know they are going to be away some time in February through august yet and they only find out in January, or even the week before it happens? Sure leaves them out in the cold, doesn't it?
Summer: But after this week the dates are set in stone.
Sarah: JUST BECAUSE YOU PLAN YOUR PARTIES TWO YEARS IN ADVANCE THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU OWN TIME Just so you know, this is a totally unreasonable request.
Ocean: she's right, Summer. If you'd be sensible about it, you'd have your stupid little parties right in your own home town instead of trying to use them to see the world. going away on trips - that's what the honeymoon is for. And whether or not some of the bridesmaids can make it to every freaking party shouldn't exactly be of the most importance. It's the wedding itself that matters. You surely can't expect 10 or so other girls to plan their lives to revolve around you and your ostintatious parties during the course of one whole year.
*****
Summer: Also if money is tight and you cant afford to contribute to say the bachelorette party or wont be able to afford a dress etc then L— and Myself don't have time to deal with that, I'm sorry. This includes flights as well, everyone knows the states where the parties are going to be held so if you wont be able to afford a flight then that means you cant make a party which ultimately means I cant have you as a bridesmaid.
Sarah: WE'RE NOT RICH. DON'T TAKE THAT PERSONALLY. So that's three parties, in three different states scattered throughout the country. I was hoping to visit my family for the holidays but I guess I'll be out of vacation days and money. See you in 2014, aging parents!
Ocean: So Summer, status, having lots of money and flying around the US to party it up means more to you than friends, and being one of your bridesmaids is nothing but a show of status and a sham.
You're nauseating me.
*****
Summer: Obviously we'll get the best deals and were not gonna books flights for $1000 and shit
Ocean: whoa there, chick, nice mouth! If you're going to get this uptight already…?
Summer: that's why were doing this in advance,
Sarah: PLEASE STOP USING THE WORD "DEALS" IN REFERENCE TO YOUR WEDDING Just because a flight is under $1,000 that doesn't mean it's cheap. Those hotel "packages" usually still average around $250 a room, and those bridesmaids dresses are usually three times the price of the same exact dress not sold in official bridal outlets. We already know we're going to be forking over a ridiculous amount of money, but please don't act like you're helping us save. *****
Summer: that goes for bridesmaids dresses as well everything will be affordable but if you think by affordable its going to be a $25 forever 21 dress then your going to the wrong wedding.
Ocean: Duh of course it won't be one dollar and a quarter! But you better define affordable. Dresses are expensive. flights are expensive. So before anyone commits to anything, you better be sure to let them know what they are expected to pay in expenses.
Summer: If your out of state though don't think you have to fly in for all fittings, that we will work with you, find stores in your town, get measurements..you don't have to worry about that.
Ocean: Yeah, thank goodness for tiny favours, I think expecting them to fly around to get measurements and fitting would be too much even for you to ask.
Summer: Also if you accept this honor
Ocean: Girls, you probably don't have to accept this 'honour' you know.
Summer: another thing is that you need to be available,
Ocean: right - at your every beck and call. No thanks.
girls, if you want to get out of this, go ahead. It would be a very understandable move.
Summer: I'm not going to harass you with wedding stuff every hour of everyday
Ocean: Nobody's expecting you to. But you have some nerve expecting everyone to just be there to wait on you, come when you snap your fingers, do everything you tell them to do… There's more to these women's lives than just your wedding.
Summer: but if its something important and it takes you a week even 2-3 days to get back to me seeeee ya!
Ocean: Wow! Add impatience to your list of charming attributes! So everybody has to sit around twiddling their thumbs, waiting for your next email, then ask how high when you say "Jump!" but you can't wait two days to get a reply back! Yeah, real fair!
Summer: I don't have time to wait around for responses, everyone has their phone on them, it shouldn't take you more than a day to get back to me,
Ocean: Putting such deadlines on people is really not the way to go, unless you really are pressing for a deadline of some sort on the job. Planning your wedding and especially the parties doesn't qualify, chick. You are demanding way too much! What if the woman simply can't get an answer to you within your restrictive time-limit because she doesn't know? Things could be a bit up in the air with some situation of hers. But you wouldn't dream of taking that into consideration, would you?
Summer: even if your out of the country, check your email!
Ocean: And what if there are glitches? Servers sometimes do weird things and emails don't reach people. It could happen. You'd nix someone as a bridesmaid because of an email glitch preventing one or the other of you from getting all the emails.
Summer: Furthermore, Ever since I could remember I have dreamed about this day all my life.
Ocean: *Rolling eyes* You have, they haven't. They don't exist only to make your big wedding dream come true.
Summer: I want to share it with the people that are most important to me.
Ocean: Right, they're so important that you'd nix them out of being bridesmaids for simply being unable to make it to every - last - one - of your blinking parties!
Summer: You only get one time to plan your dream wedding
Ocean: Wrong! Every time a friend of theirs gets married, they get the opportunity to be a bridesmaid if asked, and if getting married is their own dream, then their own wedding is their dream wedding. Not yours!
Summer: and I couldn't pick a more amazing group of girls to make that dream come true!
Ocean: Token flattery. Nice touch after all the "Do what I say or else you're out!" crap.
Summer: So please, what's stated above think about it all and by Wednesday I need to know if everyone is 100% in, and what I have asked about sending me dates if your gonna be away between Feb-Aug ill need that on Wednesday. If you don't think you'll be able to attend one party but can make the rest of them I'm sorry but I'll have to take you out as a bridesmaid and put you as a guest.
Ocean: *Rolling eyes and scowling* Girls, I'd go with being a guest if I was any of you. This bride is too much!
Summer: If you want to get back to me before Wednesday, that's fine. Really think about everything I've said. This is really going to be the most epic wedding ever so I hope you girls can share this special day with us!
Love,
Ocean: *Cough cough*
I wonder if it will all have been worth it later on down the road.
Sarah: NOBODY'S EXCITED ABOUT YOUR PARTY ANYMORE So what you're saying is that the people you don't like as much get to show up to that one party and then leave, without spending thousands of dollars and the next year as your indentured servant? How do we sign up for that? Please let me know by Friday. Best, A Former Bridesmaid