First, the I Rescued Your Dog story.
It is a tug-at-the-heart manipulation chain letter poem that isn't what it seems to be at face value.
The Dissection of the Self-Righteous, Animal Owner-Hating, Ego-Puffing Doggy Rescue - urh, uh, *COUGH!* Poem! *Choke gag cough sputter* A-HEM!
*Puts on IQ-o-meter to prevent it from dipping too low due to exposure to this monitor-melting, screen-bleeding, keyboard-burning, visual and auditory-exsanguinating, mind-numbing piece of crap!* Here goes!
🙎🗯Meme: I 'Rescued' Your Dog Today
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah Right... I haven't had a dog in a long time and don't intend to get one. Even if I did, I wouldn't let you anywhere near it or anything else I cared about.
🙎🗯Meme: I Rescued Your Dog Today
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: You already said that - and since you don't know me, I'll assume you're ranting at some other poor innocent person you thought was beneath the right to own a dog.
So, you mean you bought a dog from the pound that was either 1. taken from some innocent person by animal welfare zealots in a raid, or 2. The animal had to be relinquished because of circumstances beyond its loving owner's control, and he or she couldn't find anyone to take the animal.
🙎🗯Meme: A rescuers poem:
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: If you can call it that. That'll be the day when ego-puffing, ranting against animal owners and shedding crocodile tears for show over some fictional dog becomes real poetry.
🙎🗯Meme: I rescued your Dog today... The one you left at the pound, The one you had for five years, And then no longer wanted around!
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: What sort of creep, stalks an animal owner for five years, then dumps on them for taking their animal to the pound because their life changed, with the addition of someone in the home becoming acutely allergic to the dog, or they got a new landlord that would evict them in two weeks if they didn't get rid of the dog, or the owner became gravely ill and couldn't take care of the dog, and no one else wanted it?
So, o' big-hearted so-called rescuer if you hung around this person for five years, why did you wait to speak up when this poor person was so desperately trying to get their animal placed? Why is it that there was not a lift of a finger or a peep from you to help them out, and even take the dog until they gave up and took it to the pound? You kept quiet, watching this animal owner's frantic struggle to keep their head above water and try to place the dog. You said and did absolutely nothing, and you lay in wait until you were sure they had given up the dog to the pound, so you could scream You didn't want your dog! Look at me, I'm the big-hearted rescuer, saving your 5 year old dog from certain death at the pound!
🙎🗯Meme: I rescued your Dog today... Do you know that he's lost weight?
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Well, considering you were probably among those who were always harping at everybody to put their dogs on a diet and stem what you view as an obesity problem, should it be all that much of a surprise that somebody listened and changed their dog's diet to please you? So now you're not pleased after all, because my gosh, the owner had to take it to the pound, which must mean without an inkling of a doubt in your eyes that the owner was starving the dog before taking it to the pound.
🙎🗯Meme: Do you know that he's scared and confused And has lost all of his faith?
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Uh, faith? What faith would that be, Christianity, Islam, Jewdaism, Hindewism, Bhudism, Sikhism, or paganism or atheism? The point is, this is A DOG you're talking about. Dogs don't have faith, that's a human concept. It's swellheaded, assuming jerks like you who make people lose faith, especially in their fellow human beings.
But of course the dog is scared and confused, he's at the pound because YOU let him go there! You couldn't be bothered to help the unfortunate owner you knew for five years or more out, when he/she was looking to place the dog, remember?
🙎🗯Meme: I rescued your Dog today...
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: You already said that, several times. You really love to think highly of yourself and repeat that self-praise, don't you? what an ego.
🙎🗯Meme: He had fleas and a terrible cold,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Because you said nothing and offered no assistance when the dog owner was in trouble trying to place the dog. You caused that kennel cough and those animal pound fleas.
🙎🗯Meme: But don't you worry yourself - You've unburdened YOUR load.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: And you will give that unfortunate person who had to give up their dog plenty to worry about, you will spread your self-agrandizing tale of dog-heroism to anyone who will listen to you and those who are narrow-minded and idiot enough to hang on every word you say. You will do your bit to damage and condemn someone to hell for having to give up a dog. You will pack a strong enough emotional wallop, hoping to create a pack of animal rescuer-worshiping drones who will snarl, hiss, roar and bear their teeth at the mere mention of this unfortunate person you failed to help on purpose until they resorted to taking their dog to the pound.
🙎🗯Meme: I rescued your Dog today...
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: So you keep saying and saying, and saying…
🙎🗯Meme: Were you having a baby or moving away?
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: If you had known the owner and the dog for five years, you would've known their situation and done the decent thing by taking the dog at the first sign of distress from the owner at not being able to place it, and hating to part with it all at the same time. You didn't. You waited, strategically, until the dog was at the pound so you could buy it and fund the animal raid people, and then start making up terrible stories about how bad you think this owner was.
🙎🗯Meme: Did he suddenly get too big?
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: After five years, I don't think so, and you just said the dog lost weight. That doesn't add up to suddenly getting too big. You can't even keep your pathetic story straight in your attempt to muddy this innocent person into the ground for having to give up a dog!
🙎🗯Meme: Or was there some other reason he couldn't stay?
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: You would have known the owner's situation, and you did. You've been watching the owner and their dog for five years, remember?
🙎🗯Meme: I rescued your Dog today...
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Each time you repeat that line, your conceit stinks more and more!
🙎🗯Meme: He doesn't play or eat very much.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: What do you expect in a strange environment? You're not his familiar owner.
🙎🗯Meme: He's very wary and depressed right now
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Of course he's wary. All animals are in a new environment. The dog was just as wary once before, when first in his owner's home, the one who kept him five years and then circumstances rudely intervened, circumstances which you made sure to exacerbate for the sake of your own ego.
🙎🗯Meme: But, with time, will learn again to trust.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: If you are even half as good to him as his previous owner was. Hint, tear yourself away from your computer and the mirror once in a while.
🙎🗯Meme: I rescued your Dog today...
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Eww, get away, you stink!
🙎🗯Meme: And right here he will stay.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Unless the time comes when you're in a situation where you can't care for him, and don't assume that can't happen to you. Then, who will have your back when the next rescuer uses this dog or some other animal you have to part with against you in their malicious stories designed to rip your character to shreds?
🙎🗯Meme: He's found his forever home
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: You can't guarantee a forever home. No one can.
🙎🗯Meme: And a warm bed on which to lay.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Just like the one at his previous owner's.
🙎🗯Meme: I rescued your Dog today...
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Gah! Shut it already!
🙎🗯Meme: I will give him all that he could need -
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: So did the person you exploited when failing to help them place their dog until you were sure the situation had reached rock bottom.
🙎🗯Meme: With patience, love, and understanding. Hopefully, he forgets your selfish deed!
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Hopefully, one day you will be faced with a situation beyond your control, and you will know what it's like to be unable to care for this dog. Then someone else might come along who is better suited to take him, perhaps even the previous owner's circumstances could change so he/she could get the dog back, although it is unlikely you would ever let that happen. So, for now, With fear and trembling, this dog is right to be very afraid to be in a home with you, you who show no compassion to a person you stalked for five years, you, who said nothing and did nothing until you made sure that owner had to relinquish that dog to the pound, you, who now sit on an animal rescuer's throne of self-righteous judgement against all people forced to give up a dog for any reason. Thank God I am not your dog! Thank God you are not God.
🙎🗯Meme: I rescued your Dog today!
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Enough!
You stalked and treated somebody you knew for at least five years like trash, and you caused terrible stress for them and their dog as a result. Give yourself a pat on the back and swell your ego some more! YOU, ARE AN ANIMAL RESCUER!
Now for the dog supposedly rescuing a human story.
There's so much wrong with this that I don't even know where to begin.
How did the dog rescue a human? by being a pound dog that needed a home and was there to fulfill some desperate need in some lonely human's life.
It's a chain letter story which has been circulating since at least as far back as Nov. 17, 2008, when it first slobbered all over my screen. So this dog has been sitting in the kennel and rescuing the same woman every day, since then, for as many times as this story has been forwarded.
It's supposedly from the point of view of a homeless dog, who believes he has rescued a human simply by existing ever so sadly until she comes along to take him home.
Talk about anthropomorphism to the hilt.
Warning, sickly soppy chain letter animal story below, read at your own risk. You may laugh, want to throw up, or do a bit of both at how pathetic it is, or you may get sucked in and cry over what you perceive as the dog's altruism, depending on which side of the common sense fence you're on.
🐕Meme: I RESCUED A HUMAN TODAY
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah right. Rubbish. And man, stop barking in my ear!
🐕Meme: Her eyes met mine as she walked down the corridor peering apprehensively into the kennels.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: If she was apprehensive, why was she even there? Was she having second thoughts about getting a pound dog? Was she pressured to go that route instead of buying from a breeder?
🐕Meme: I felt her need instantly and knew I had to help her.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Animals and humans are drawn to each other, but let's get real. Only a human feels anything that deep. Dogs recognize when people are happy or sad or sick or angry, but they don't reason out stuff like "Oh, she needs me!" they react like the animals they are.
🐕Meme: I wagged my tail, not too exuberantly, so she wouldn't be afraid. As
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, this is so reedonculous! A dog is not going to reason out "Oh, I should be careful not to scare the pretty little lady with my big ol' waggy tail!"
🐕Meme: she stopped at my kennel I blocked her view from a little accident I had in the back of my cage.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Since when does a dog care about whether or not a anybody sees its ka-ka or pee-pee? C'mon, hiding this sort of stuff is what humans do! I've known dogs to eat such stuff in front of people before, too… They simply don't have a sense of what's gross and what's embarrassing, and are not going to hide their accidents as a strategy to get humans to take them home from the pound.
🐕Meme: I didn't want her to know that I hadn't been walked today.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: If you were really a dog, you wouldn't have known you hadn't been walked today. dogs just don't measure out life in time units such as days, hours etc. They don't go around trying to conceal whatever miserable life you make up for them just to spare a human in your little chain story a little heart-break.
🐕Meme: Sometimes the shelter keepers get too busy and I didn't want her to think poorly of them.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah right. I already covered that dogs don't reason out that sort of stuff.
What you're really saying here is that animal welfare outfits such as the pounds can do no wrong, they always have excuses for neglecting the animals in their care, and those excuses must always be accepted, while it's perfectly fine to give the average pet owner holy heck for one accident on the floor or not walking their dog every freaking day! Oh, please!
🐕Meme: As she read my kennel card I hoped that she wouldn't feel sad about my past.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: What tosh! A dog wouldn't even know somebody was reading his kennel card, and certainly wouldn't be hoping the reader wouldn't be sad about his past…
🐕Meme: I only have the future to look forward to and want to make a difference in someones life.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: So…this dog knew this human needed help, and didn't want to show her he had a bad sad past, but was only concerned for her future - uh, this is a dog we're talking about, right? Look, not even a small human child would be thinking this deeply when awaiting adoption!
🐕Meme: She got down on her knees and made little kissy sounds at me.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, now we get treated to every little lip-smack, every little kissy-wissy cootchie-coo. I'm about to vomit.
🐕Meme: I shoved my shoulder and side of my head up against the bars to comfort her.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Pssh* Even the little piglet did that when I visited a farm one summer, and I was in a very happy mood. I did not need comforting. The piglet just liked the attention.
So why don't you cut the anthropomorphic sap a bit and admit the dog just wanted the attention he wasn't getting at the lousy pound?
🐕Meme: Gentle fingertips caressed my neck;
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Cough cough*
🐕Meme: she was desperate for companionship.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: A dog would not have reasoned that out…
🐕Meme: A tear fell down her cheek
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Right, absolutely gotta write about every freaking tear-drop, wouldn't be a big chain letter glurge heart-yank without it… *Facepalm* So what now, the dog gonna stick out his tongue and lick it away? That would be entirely typical, you know, not because of some great sense of compassion, but because animals, dogs especially, tend to go for anything that drops off a human, tears, food, you name it.
🐕Meme: and I raised my paw to assure her that all would be well.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes in annoyance* Awwwwww, now isn't that just so precious? He raises his paw in some sort of human communication just to let her know everything's gonna be fine. Oh, please!
🐕Meme: Soon my kennel door opened and her smile was so bright that I instantly jumped into her arms.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Since when does a dog recognize human expressions? And her supersonic smile was so bright that it was literally this big magnetic force field that suddenly whoosh, made him jump into her arms? This is so ree-dang-diculous!
🐕Meme: I would promise
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Stop right there! Animals do not 'promise' anything. They behave, or they don't behave. Promises are a human concept. Got that?
🐕Meme: to keep her safe.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Codswallop. All you'd do if you really were a dog, was like the nice lady and want to be with her… But you're not a dog, you're an animal welfarist and a chain letter originator who has tugged at way too many heart-strings with this dreadful dreck.
🐕Meme: I would promise
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: We've covered this already, dogs don't make promises!
🐕Meme: to always be by her side.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Wrong. If you were that dog, you would merely want to always be by her side… Even during times she would rather you weren't, when she would want a little more personal space. I know this from experience being around dogs - there were times they drove me crazy!
🐕Meme: I would promise
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Swat* Shut it! Dogs do not promise! dogs do not promise! Dogs do NOT promise! Get that through your thick sap-head!
🐕Meme: to do everything I could to see that radiant smile and sparkle in her eyes.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Cut the horrible purple prose for a second for a little reality check.
This dog would want to please the nice lady. end of story. Her radiant smile and gleaming eyes mean nothing as long as she's nice to him…
🐕Meme: I was so fortunate that she came down my corridor.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: So the doggy made a new friend. Are we there yet?
🐕Meme: So many more are out there
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, right, we must absolutely cry over all the so many others that don't have homes yet blah blah blah. As a chain letter writer, you would pull this and every other sad angle trying to get readers sobbing and passing it along. As a dog, though, you wouldn't give a wit about all the other poor pound doggies out there being left in their mess, not being walked daily etc…
🐕Meme: who haven't walked the corridors.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: You can count me among those who will never walk the corridors to get a pound dog. Those animals aren't free, and I'd rather support a private citizen who doesn't tout any anti-pet owning agendas.
🐕Meme: So many more to be saved.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Since when does getting a pound dog save anybody? Other than perhaps the dog in question? If by 'saved' you mean getting a pet, I've been 'saved' many times by getting pets anywhere but the pound.
🐕Meme: At least I could save one.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Save one from what? A humdrum dogless life? Don't kid yourself. She could've gotten a dog elsewhere.
🐕Meme: I rescued a human today.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Tsks and rolling eyes*Oh well, I guess my pets have rescued me too, many times.
On a more serious note, the story appears to be touting Adopt an animal from the SPCA! or Rescue a dog from a bad kennel and boost his self-esteem!
Yuck, what a maudlin pile of anthropomorphic saccharin!
Let's get this straight, animals are not little fur people. They may show preference for one person over another, but please, a dog isn't going to wish to spare the feelings of the pound workers or try to hide his supposedly sad sad past from his new owner so she won't cry any more. A dog is not going to be concerned with his own future let alone that of any other being on this earth. A dog is an animal.
They could've left out all that over-the-top mushy, unbelievable doggy-thought, the tears, the tail-wags, the accident, the paw-lift, the smoocharoos etc. everything but the lady getting a pet. It would've been still much better if she'd gotten the pet from a private household or a breeder. sob-Stories with an agenda promoting getting pets from the pound suck. They are anti-breeder, anti-pet ownership. If everyone sputtered their pets and only got pets from the pound, there would eventually be no pets left because no animals would be breeding to produce any offspring - and that's exactly what the likes of PEta and HSUS etc. want.