Marry A Dog, Adopt A Cat, own A Spouse And Kids and try to kill your owner "staff" if you're a cat who thinks he's a god or an inmate, love and worship your owners as gods if you're a dog, dog&cat diaries, Whatever! Dogs thinking their owners are gods/masters, cats thinking they themselves are masters/gods with "staff" or "slaves/servants" or "wardens" instead of owners, you know - all that anthropomorphic not to mention overkilled cliche crud. The marriage angle in one of these stupid joke memes does the gender thing as well.
So, a whole lot of bLECK!
From bad youtube video memes to email memes and social network/blog/web forum reposting/sharing memes, all AKA chain letters, this junk gets mangled here.
Yes, some of us are sick of the whole dog VS. cattitude thing, and yes, even the word cattitude is annoying, but it fits all the stinking cats in every appearance of this tired old cliche.
Oh, and I really don't like any of those sickly cute puppy/kitten or supposedly funny cat pictures/animations/video memes either! They are as annoying as the stale old email dog/cat joke memes.
Let's start with one of the oldest chain letters in this lot of dog&cat tripe.
A stale old joke meme that gets as stinky with age as the rest is the dogs VS. cats thing.
It's been around since the 90s, wasn't funny then, and is utterly facepalm-inducing now since it's still going around!
What's worse than the idea that dogs have owners and cats have staff? The same basic idea that stoops even lower by dragging God's name and the concept of worship into it.
AntiTeemo reposted a stripped down version of this stupid old dog VS. cat chain letter as a Youtube comment in 2016.
🐕💖Meme Dogs: Humans gave me food, they must be Gods..
🧝♀️Ocean: No. Humans gave you food because you're a pet and your species started out as opportunistic moochers. Dogs don't have a religion.
😾Meme Cat😼s: Humans gave me food, I must be God..
🧝♀️Ocean: No. Humans gave you food because you're a pet and your species started out as opportunistic moochers. Cats don't have a religion nor care about being worshiped.
And you're an un-funny, sacrilegious twit.
Pe-EWWWW! this whole cats VS. dogs meme idiocy is so anthropomorphically stereotypical and wrong-headed and utterly annoying!
Neither animal has any concept of religion and what gods are. That's a human thought process, and by pinning these stupid anthropomorphiisms on animals, we are hoaxing ourselves, big time and embracing the dangerous idiology of animal welfare/rights, whether we realize it or not. Our pets have preferences and they act differently according to what their own species is and what each animal within that species is like. But dogs don't worship their owners, they depend on them. Ditto for cats. But there are things that make a dog a dog, and a cat a cat, that have nothing to do with gods, or any silly notions we project onto our animals.
I personally find dogs to be a lot more demanding and in-your-face than cats, but cats can be annoyingly stubborn, if generally a little quieter about it.
🙎Meme: Subject: FW: Marriage
🧝♀️Ocean: *Groans* Here we go again.
🙎Meme: Marriage
If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never say it's not quite as good as his mother's
..then adopt a dog.
🧝♀️Ocean: Gah! NO! Dogs are not children, they are not "adopted". By all means, buy a dog or get one for free if you want one and don't mind the barking, shedding, occasional whizz&crap on the floor, having to let the dog out, the sloppiness of a dog's eating and drinking, and getting drooled on, and let's not forget the doggy smell and how dogs tend to lick themselves loudly whenever you have company over.
🙎Meme: If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want ...
..then adopt a dog.
🧝♀️Ocean: Right, that's your answer for everything isn't it? Again, no! Dogs are not children! They are not "adopted! Dogs can go crazy when you go out and leave them at home for too long, most won't, but some don't like being left alone, and a lot of public places wouldn't appreciate you taking your dog everywhere with you. And again, there's the same potential for the dog to well, act like a dog in public.
🙎Meme: If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies
🧝♀️Ocean: No, not with the "adopt a dog" thing again! Same as above, dogs are not kids. And oh yeah? As if a puppy wouldn't try to chew up a remote and anything it can get its teeth into. Romantic movies generally don't interest me. Please, cut the whole "chick flick" thing. I'm so not into that.
🙎Meme: If you want someone who is content to get on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores
🧝♀️Ocean: Again, NO! Shut it already! no one in the family, that is kids, husband, wife, etc. should be relligated to the status of a foot warmer. And if your feet are stinky enough you probably shouldn't even expect your pet to do it.
if I want a pet that's a bed-warmer, I'll get a cat, thank you! I want a cat, in the worst way, and I have wanted one all my life. But I can't get one because I'm not the only one who lives here, but I am the only cat lover.
🙎Meme: If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually
🧝♀️Ocean: How many times do I have to say this? No, no, no! Dogs are not children...! Their love is just as selfish as that of any other animal, people, please, don't kid yourselves. Humans love unconditionally, or at least, they do if they are very close. Dogs benefit from being our pets and they are simply not as independent in nature as some other animals, and are extremely reward-oriented. They are social and like to be around other living things they grow up with. But for me they are too smelly, sloppy, needy, clingy, demanding and high maintenance. Some shed as bad as cats or worse and the ones that don't shed a lot require extensive and expensive grooming. Don't get me wrong. I like dogs as long as they are someone else's and they are well behaved. I just have no desire to own one.
🙎Meme: BUT, on the other hand, if you want someone who will never come when you call, ignores you totally when you come home, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night and only comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness .,
🧝♀️Ocean: Right, now you're going to say "adopt a cat" *starts tearing hair out*
🙎Meme: . ..then adopt a cat!
🧝♀️Ocean: *Huge eye-roll* I just knew that was coming, gah! See freaking above!
And I've known cats that came when called, been possessive enough about their homes that they've growled at strange people coming in, never got enough cuddling, ate whatever was put before them etc. And I have been walked all over by dogs, wished they would leave me alone when I got home, seen a cat excited when her owner got home, been around dogs enough to get the feeling they expect me to make them happy and answer to their many non-verbal and sometimes very persistent and loud demands at the most inconvenient times. A cat isn't necessarily as aloof as all that, some are and some aren't, but I haven't met one that is as pushy as dogs seem to be in general, in fact, most other animals I've had contact with, aren't.
🙎Meme: Now be honest, you thought I was gonna say...... marry a man, didn't you?
🧝♀️Ocean: No, I figured you were going to say "adopt a cat" because 1. you've been chanting "Adopt a dog!" throughout this whole sorry thing! And 2. I've seen far too many stupid dog VS. cat memes before that the whole thing is utterly and pathetically predictable. Just because you put "marriage" somewhere above didn't make me fall for this one since you went on and on promoting the animal rights welfarist "adopt a dog" thing.
🙎Meme: Send this to all the women you know to brighten their day.
🧝♀️Ocean: No way in heck! It didn't brighten mine, why would I send it and promote the "adopt a pet" thing which is something I so vehemently oppose?
🙎Meme: Send this to all the men just to annoy them!
🧝♀️Ocean: Again, no way! I've got better things to do and I'm not interested in annoying a particular gender with a stupid meme that has already seriously annoyed me! Memes that pit people against each other based on gender, even as a joke, are annoying and stupid.
🙎Meme: You...
......have a GREAT Day!!!
🧝♀️Ocean: Thanks to this idiotic chain letter, my day hasn't gone as well as I would've liked!
By all means, get a dog, cat or any other pet of your choice, everyone should have the right to own (not adopt) any animal of their choice. If dogs and cats aren't your thing, maybe you'd like a bird or fish, or reptile, rabbit, rodent, ferret or exotic animal that is legal to own in your area. Or if you don't want a pet, don't get one. If you don't want to marry or have a g/bf, common-law or otherwise, that's your choice too.
By the way, this meme was posted by an animal welfarist, democrat.
🙎Meme: The difference between cats and dogs
🧝♀️Ocean: *Rolling eyes* Oh, brother, do these things never die?
🙎Meme: Excerpts from a Dog’s Daily Diary:
🧝♀️Ocean: Can hardly wait...
🐕💖Meme Dog: •8:00 am Dog food! My favorite thing!
🧝♀️Ocean: Yuck... But you're a dog, you'll eat anything.
🐕💖Meme Dog: •9:30 am A car ride! My favorite thing!
🧝♀️Ocean: Of course it is...
🐕💖Meme Dog: •9:40 am A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
🧝♀️Ocean: Yeah, just like everything else in the world... Blah blah blah blah...
🐕💖Meme Dog: •10:30 am Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
🧝♀️Ocean: Yeah, my rabbit never gets too much stroking. She loves it.
🐕💖Meme Dog: •12:00 pm Lunch! My favorite thing!
🧝♀️Ocean: Of course, you're a dog… Not that dogs get three squares a day, but you know that same old scenario played out in movies and commercials, as well as real life where the dog sits and waits to slurp and smack up anything that gets dropped from the dinner table. Bleh…
🐕💖Meme Dog: •1:00 pm Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
🧝♀️Ocean: Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah…Shut up.
🐕💖Meme Dog: •3:00 pm Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
🧝♀️Ocean: Yeah, whatever, stupid dog, calm down already...
🐕💖Meme Dog: •5:00 pm Milk bones! My favorite thing!
🧝♀️Ocean: But of course...Sing a different tune - aw heck, that's right, you can't, you're a dog.
🐕💖Meme Dog: •7:00 pm Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
🧝♀️Ocean: Argh! Shut up!
🐕💖Meme Dog: •8:00 pm Wow! Watched TV with my master! My favorite thing!
🧝♀️Ocean: Right, have you tried chasing the dog in the mirror yet too?
🐕💖Meme Dog: •11:00 pm Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
🧝♀️Ocean: Uh-huh, now will you finally shut up?
🙎Meme: Excerpts from a Cat’s Daily Diary:
🧝♀️Ocean: *Rolling eyes* This will be a fun trip, not...All chain letter cats are really annoying. Like chain letter puppies, they look so cute you want to throttle them. Otherwise, chain letter cats are so disagreeable and arrogant, you want to toss them.
😾Meme Cat😼: Day 683 of my captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.
🧝♀️Ocean: 1. Your owners are not your captors.
2. You and the other pets are not inmates.
3. Those dangly things are called toys, you nitwit.
4. You seem to be the only one making a huge show of disliking your food. Give it up already, no one cares or believes you. As if you haven't been chowing down on the dog kibble when you thought nobody was looking.
5. If you want to "escape" so badly, there's the door, out you go, and don't bother coming back. Make yourself useful and go live on small rodent pests. There are lots of other, better behaved kittens around to replace you, cuter ones too, I might add.
6. Cat vomit? Seriously? Maybe you wouldn't have that problem if you didn't try to outdo the dog in prodigious eating when you think nobody's looking. As if that's any worse than the dog's vomit or your own stinky litter box anyway.
😾Meme Cat😼: Day 684 of my captivity: Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter I am. The audacity! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of allergies. I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
🧝♀️Ocean: 1. Must I repeat the fact you are not an inmate and your owners are not captors again?
2. So you caught a mouse, big deal, that's what cats do. You really thought you'd make a human ten times bigger than you afraid of you over that? Bwahahahahahahahahaha! Stupid, stupid cat!
3. Allergies - well, guess that means you'll just have to leave since you want to so badly. They are of no advantage to you or your owners. Oh, and there are people who are allergic to dogs as well.
😾Meme Cat😼: Day 685 of my captivity: Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking.
🧝♀️Ocean: 1. Assassinate? Cat, you can't assassinate a human. The president of the mouse club, sure, but not a human.
2. Let me tell you a bit about what a tormentor is. That would be YOU, not your owners. So why on earth they'd want to keep you is beyond me. You're exactly the kind of cat that qualifies for snake food.
😾Meme Cat😼: I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.
🧝♀️Ocean: Oh I see, you want to trip your owner so he falls and kills himself. So, you took a page from Twilight Zone's "Talky Tina". She's my prisoner now. And if you succeed in copycatting her, I hope your owner lands on you.
😾Meme Cat😼: Day 686 of my captivity: I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released — and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded! The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. There is custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe … for now …
🧝♀️Ocean: So, you're jealous of the dog and you have your sites set on the bird, and you can't tell the difference between birdie mimicry and real human communication.
And did I not already tell you that your owners aren't your captors?
Oh, right, you're stupid.
Yes, meme dogs and cats are truly thick-witted irritants.
🙎Meme: How Many Dogs Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb
🧝♀️Ocean: *Rolling eyes* This translates to: Let's put the all important light bulb question to as many dog stereotypes as we possibly can, ain't that hilarious? And let's trot out the silly notion that dogs are more or less cute in the tude department while cats think they're too good for the rest of all creation! Ain't that just so cute and original!?
Uh, hardly.
🙎Meme: Golden Retriever The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
🧝♀️Ocean: Well, unlike you, we humans do a lot of stuff inside that require light…
🙎Meme: Border Collie Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
🧝♀️Ocean: Yeah, I'd like to see you try it, Poochie.
🙎Meme: Dachshund You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
🧝♀️Ocean: Nobody expects you to, Toots.
🙎Meme: Rottweiler Make me!
🧝♀️Ocean: Make you a dunce? you got it. *Puts dunce cap on rottweiler* there… You're nowhere near coordinated enough to change a light bulb anyway, you big lummox.
🙎Meme: Boxer Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
🧝♀️Ocean: And I say to you, who cares? Go squeak somewhere else.
🙎Meme: Lab Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
🧝♀️Ocean: Aw shad up and get outa here, you're about as graceful as your Rottweiler pal.
🙎Meme: German Shepherd I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
🧝♀️Ocean: Do you even have a clue what the situation is, Bozo?
🙎Meme: Jack Russell Terrier I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
🧝♀️Ocean: Good luck with that, the light bulb surely knows enough to screw itself in…
🙎Meme: Old English Sheep Dog Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb!
🧝♀️Ocean: Cut a bit of that mop off your face and - nah, you still wouldn't, you're too thick.
🙎Meme: Cocker Spaniel Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
🧝♀️Ocean: Eww. I'm not letting you in my house any time soon. And we humans need the light on in that special little room where we do our thing among other stuff. So… Go outside to join your golden retriever pal.
🙎Meme: Chihuahua Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Translation: "We don't need no stinking light bulb."
🧝♀️Ocean: Bleah. I'm pretty sure that's a wrong and cliche translation of the cliche that says all chihuahuas are the Taco Bell dancing dog. Put it this way, the next cretin who uses the stale old "(insert thing?) We don't need no stinking (insert thing) is going to get a stinking wallop to the snout!
🙎Meme: Greyhound It isn't moving. Who cares?
🧝♀️Ocean:You might care about this moving object! *squirts greyhound with super soaker*
🙎Meme: Australian Cattle Dog First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
🧝♀️Ocean: Try that with the sockets as well and just maybe I might be a bit impressed…
🙎Meme: Poodle I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
🧝♀️Ocean: Just go back to playing in that mud puddle. You're as useless as all the other dogs.
🙎Meme: How many cats does it take to change a light bulb?
🧝♀️Ocean: *Rolling eyes* Doesn't matter, they're all equally clueless at it.
🙎Meme: Cats do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs.
🧝♀️Ocean: No, REALLY!? DUH!!
🙎Meme: So, the real question is:
🧝♀️Ocean: What idiot came up with this junk and how on earth is it that people find it so amusing?
🙎Meme: "How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?"
🧝♀️Ocean: Go outside, find some bowl of food that's bound to be sitting out there somewhere, and a good hail storm ought do you pretty well for a massage. *Pushes lazy good-for-nothing cat out the door, slam* Quit trying to come into the wrong house, Pussums!
🙎Meme: ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF!
🧝♀️Ocean: *Scowls* WRONG! "Proves" nothing. Don't give me that stupid anthropomorphic idea of dogs worshiping people while cats expect to be waited on hand and foot because they think they're so incredibly special, crap again!
🙎Meme: Warning To All Dog Owners (Joke)
🧝♀️Ocean: Since I'm not a dog owner…
🙎Meme: Subject: FW: ***WARNING*** TO ALL DOG OWNERS!!!!!
🧝♀️Ocean: Warning, probably something typically cheesy about cats coming up.
🙎Meme: WARNING TO ALL DOG OWNERS
🧝♀️Ocean: Repetitive like the constant irritating "woof woof!" of some dog that won't shut up.
🙎Meme: Warning to all dog owners:
🧝♀️Ocean: *Tosses bone* Here, now stop barking!
🙎Meme: Watch your dog!
🧝♀️Ocean: I can't watch something I don't own.
🙎Meme: The State Highway Patrol in conjunction with the FBI has issued a warning advising all dog owners to keep their dogs indoors until further notice.
🧝♀️Ocean: Since when did the State Highway Patrol and FBI take over the animal patrol business?
🙎Meme: Dogs are being picked off one at a time on an almost continual basis throughout the city.
🧝♀️Ocean: And yet State Patrol the FBI are involved?Hah!
🙎Meme: They are falling in great numbers.
🧝♀️Ocean: As in falling for some cats they want to chase, no doubt.
🙎Meme: Police in the city advise all dog owners not to walk their dogs - KEEP THEM INDOORS UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE!
🧝♀️Ocean: You already said that.
🙎Meme: Commentary: I'm writing this in a hurry while my owner, Chancy the Wonder Cat is outside.
🧝♀️Ocean: Oh, pass the bucket, I'm gonna be sick!
Look, you own the cat, it does not own you! These antrophomorphic human-subservience to their pets is a bunch of indulgent claptrap. this one is double-strength nausea in that it does the "I'm owned by my pet" thing, plus perpetuating that stinky old stereotype that says "You own your dogs, but your cats own you, or they think they do and you should too." Bull! Get real!
🙎Meme: A lot of dogs live in my street, and I don't want her getting any ideas…
🧝♀️Ocean: she's a cat. A dang cat! She doesn't get "ideas"… Probably the same stupid cat that tried to get into my house when the light bulb burned out at her owner's. So how about keeping that beast indoors? Dog problem solved!
😏Meme: A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: "Help Wanted. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."
🧝♀️Ocean: I'm pretty sure this is leading to something droll.
😏Meme: A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.
🧝♀️Ocean: Since when do offices just have their doors open and have dogs just walking in and out?
😏Meme: Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office.
🧝♀️Ocean: So first, this dog whines, then somehow manages to look so determined that these people just think "Oh, he's actually here for a job!" This really isn't adding up.
😏Meme: Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager.
🧝♀️Ocean: A tad rude, if you ask me. But then, he's a dog.
😏Meme: The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type."
🧝♀️Ocean: So next the dog probably stares at the computer and whines.
😏Meme: The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair.
🧝♀️Ocean: A typewriter? This must be in a different time period. though I thought something was said above about a computer. I'm confused. Anyway, it remains to be seen just how perfect this letter is.
😏Meme: The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a computer."
🧝♀️Ocean: Hey doofus. Hey dog. Ever heard of typing on the computer?
😏Meme: The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample spreadsheet and database and presented them to the manager.
🧝♀️Ocean: Oh sure.
😏Meme: By this time the manager was totally dumbfounded! He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can't give you the job."
🧝♀️Ocean: Is there a punchline coming up at some point? Sooner than later, I hope.
😏Meme: The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer.
🧝♀️Ocean: Well if they hired all dogs, that might work, but oh sheesh, this is droll.
😏Meme: The manager said, "Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual."
🧝♀️Ocean: Let me guess, the dog does something that's supposed to be smart and hilarious,. Like a meow, since chain letters of this type are almost always doing the dog VS. cat thing. And I have actually heard dog whining that sounds remarkably like a meow. So that's not impossible.
So, am I right?
😏Meme: The dog looked at him straight in the face and said, "Meow."
🧝♀️Ocean: Bingo! *Gets gold star off shelf and puts it with rest of collection* typical, so predictable, droll...
😏Meme: Daily Thoughts
🧝♀️Ocean: Oh, really? I thought we were finished. Oh well...
😏Meme: The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too. --Samuel Butler
🧝♀️Ocean: Which one? There are two. The American, and the Brit who wrote "Spare the rod and spoil the child". I have no idea if either one actually said/wrote this. If so, who cares? If not, stop lying!
Yes, I know dogs make fools of themselves. That is hardly profound knowledge.
😏Meme: Dogs are miracles with paws. --Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy
🧝♀️Ocean: See above about quotes... It applies here as well. And I don't go in for this new-age self-help spiritualism stuff, so don't care what she writes or says.
"Miracles with paws" Oh, please. Dogs are dogs, and that is that.
😏Meme: If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them. --Phil Pastoret
🧝♀️Ocean: Again with the quotes, see above.
Even the wild birds and squirrels know which is the bigger dish/pile of food I put out for them...
If I was going to get a dog (and I don't plan on it), I would never name him Fido... Come own, people, who actually names their dog Fido?
😏Meme: Last Laugh
🧝♀️Ocean: Oh, yay. I didn't even get a first laugh, so doubt this will do it.