If this had been a fanfic to an insanely popular series like Harry Potter, Twilight, The Hunger Games, Game Of Thrones etc. surely Zoe's character, Lavender Anastasia Blettom Chelsey would've tied with Ebony Darkness Dementia Raven Way of My Immortal for uber Mary Sue infamy. But Mary Sues can turn any series on its head and into a pile of mockery/nightmares. Even something as innocent as Anne Of Green Gables. It has no title since it was submitted to a list and not Fanfiction.net. Here it is in all its cringiness.
by Zoe sassyblackvelvetine
?So you are Lavender Chelsey?? Mrs. Plume said. She had her big nose stuck in the air and her wild gray hair combed back into a tiny and quite annoying bun.
?Yes. I am Lavender Anastasia Blettom Chelsey, and I was invited, cordially to Mr. Blair L. Chancey?s ball.? Lavender said handing her invitation to Mrs. Plume.
?So you are the blind girl?? Mrs. Plume asked watching Lavender sit down. Mrs. Plume stared at the beautiful dress that Lavender was wearing,
?She probably stole it?or had someone steal it for her?since she can?t see.?
?YES.I am the blind girl. I am quite annoyed that you would ask such an obvious question as anyone with eyes could see that I am blind. I am quite smart for a blind girl. I can sense that you have a big nose and you look like a goose, so are you Mrs. Plume? The woman that Mrs.Lynde calls a monstrosity to the Green Gable society? And are you the pessimist that everybody hates? Are you the widow that lives in the Haunted Wood in that ramshackle house of yours?? Lavender replied heatedly,
?And another thing! STOP looking at my dress! I bought it! I did not steal it!?
Just then at that very moment when Mrs. Plume?s eyes were bulging with fright, anger and humiliation Blair came out.
? Lavender! You made it to the date! I thought that when I asked you to?well?court me that you would lie and say yes bet wouldn?t show. Why, Lavender you look?beautiful.? Blair said at once. Lavender jumped up from her seat and she combed her fingers through her hair.
?Come on, Blair. Let?s dance.? Lavender said and grabbed Blair?s hand and yanked him into the ballroom. She pushed past dozens of people until she knew that she was in the middle of the dance floor. The music of Bach danced through her ears and she started her mystic dance. She twisted and turned and looped. People stared at her in quaint amazement.
The music stopped but she kept dancing. Her pink dress swirled around he in a dazzling pink could and her white heair swished to the rythym of her movements. She suddenly collapsed to the floor. Her pale green eyes wide and her hands intertwined on top of her body.
?I saw my mother.? She whispered and then blacked out.
At Anne?s House
?Fellow A.V.I.S members! I have an idea! We should go over to the edge of the Haunted Woods! There is a beautiful old mansion there and we could fix it up! We could build other homes there too and clear the trees! Then we?ll have a big celebration when a new line of houses have been born!? Anne announced cutting a piece of choclate cake for Gilbert.
?Anne?that?s a splendid idea but?how long do you expect this to take?? Gilbert Blythe asked smiling.
?Well?that?s a good question?I expect it to take quite a long time but if we all work together as a team it?ll take but a year. From all the subscriptions we have gotten I have enough money to buy buckets of paint?aprons?and brushes from the hardware store?and we?ll find more supplies later.?
?I LOVE the idea Anne! And I have a rather exciting idea also! There is an orphanage down in the town and a lot of kids are coming over from England to here! Isn?t that exciting? I decided that maybe the ladies can make some new clothes for the poor little orphans?what do you think?? Diane said getting up. She looked excitedly around the room.
?I second it!? Anne said standing up beside Diane.
?I third it!? Gilbert added.
?I think that it?s unanimous!? Jane said grinning?,??all us girls will meet here at Anne?s?and if any of us want to buy fabric to make new clothes then meet at my house this evening?I?ll divide our treasury if Diane will let me have the honors.?
The happiness and mellow yellow joy was broken by a shriek from Mrs.Rachel Lynde,
?Anne! Anne! Lavender that little blind girl has passed out! She?s in a coma! Or that?s what I?ve heard?she?s over at the clinic this minute!?
?Oh no!? Anne cried, ? Maybe she had one of her headaches again!?
?Or maybe she?s been doing more of that wild dancing she?s been doing. Marilla says she?s possessed but I think she?s dancing because of her Mom?she doesn?t have one anymore and she feels that that?s the only way to show it??
Anne sliced a genourous slice of cake and grabbed a piece of lace to wrap it in. She ran out of the door and jumped into the seat of Mrs. Rachel Lynde?s carriage,
?Ticck! Ticck!? she whispered into the horse?s ear and the horse charged over. She raced at break neck speed to the clinic and jumped out of the seat immediately. The road was muddy and she didn?t even pick up her skirts. She charged into the clinic and demanded of the woman at the front desk where Lavdender Chelsey was.
?Where is she you dull brained little dot!?? Anne yelled, ? Oops?omygosh! I?m so sorry?I just?I just-?
?She?s in room 2 which is just to the left of me?and you aren?t so wonderful yourself you sour cherry!?
Anne hustled to room 2 and almost broke the door trying to get in, and when she did get in Lavender?s eyes were wide open. Lavender couldn?t see anything of course, but she was muttering things,
?All this time?she was alive and she lied to me?no not her?not she?she did not lie to me?they lied to me!? Lavender kept going on?muttering cruel things about all the people she had met in Green Gables. She was about to say something about Anne but Anne didn?t want to hear it.
?Lavender! Wake up!? Anne whispered fiercely into Lavender?s ear. Lavender bolt up.
?Anne! Anne?I need to talk to you! Everybody was right about you! Even Mrs.Lynde! You are an evil little red headed pepper! You don?t care about anybody but yourself! You can see and you did not tell me that my Mother was alive! I saw her! I saw her after I finished dancing!!! You KNEW! YOU KNEW!? Lavender started shrieking most uncontrollably and she kept shaking Anne. She tore at Anne?s clothes and all Anne could do was sit there and cry! Anne had had such a rough day?with the kids at her school and five new students and what with ten coming in tomorrow! One of the mishaps she had today was this:
Anne was planning on having a play take place in Cherry Orchard. It was a play by Shaekspeare called Hamlet. It was a most enchanting play and most of the kids at school has auditioned for it?Lavender had too?(of course). Well that very day (today) had been the auditions! One of the girls had auditioned to play Hamlet and she hadn?t gotton the part instead Andrew Thorn had gotton the part. Andrew is quite a talented actor and Anne was thinking of helping him pursue acting classes but Andrew belongs to a VERY poor family?so his future doesn?t look that bright. Anyway? the girl who hadn?t got the part decdied to take her wrath out on Anne. The girl named Martha had marched up to Anne with her ink bottle and pured it all over Anne?s head. In the same case but with any other teacher that little girl would get a whip from the strap but Anne decided to give Martha her own medicine. Anne calmly sent Martha back to her seat and Anne picked up her ink and glue and mixed them together. She marched up to Martha?s desk in the same fashion Martha did and poured the thick mixture onto Martha?s silky, just washed, blonde hair.
?Miss. Anne hirley! How could you? I just washed my hair and had it pressed and tinted rose pink with raspberries! And you ruined my tan ensemble! Look at my sash and my ribbons!!! I hate YOU Anne Shirley!!!? Martha cried. Tears streamed down her face and Anne started laughing,
?Look at me! Martha?you don?t know how lucky you are?I have a switch right in that corner,? Anne said defiantly, still giggling, she pointed to the corner, ? I could whip you any minute. But! I won?t?because you kids are too special for that. I?ll explain everything to your Mom when she comes over here?don?t tell her anything when you get home. You hear?? Anne had said.
?OK Miss.Shirley.? Martha muttered and then when school was over she went home to see SUCH a disaster!
?How did this happen Marilla?? Anne asked.
?Well?you know the book club Mrs.Rachel Lynde owns? Her house was an absolute mess from baking cakes for the meeting and she decided to come over here?I didn?t want her to of course?but I?m her friend. Or supposed to be. She started baking cakes and pies and cookies and the entire kitchen is all going to the dogs! Then she decided to have the meeting here and?.LOOK AT THIS PLACE! JUST LOOK!? Marilla pointed all around to teacups?her china teacups and saucers and soup bowls and plates.
?Rachel?s coming back again in the evening?she has an idea. I?m sick and tired of her, ?splendid? ideas! I just want to rest! Matthew is off, down in New Brunswick?doing some work and I?m up here?farming! Taking care of cows, chickens, hens, pigs, goats!!!? Marilla added,
?Can you clean the house for me Anne? I?m pooped.?
?POOPED! Did you just say pooped? You?re starting to sound a little like me, Marilla!
? Of course I?ll clean up for you?and do you think that you and Mrs.Lynde stay upstairs? I?m having the A.V.I.S meeting downstairs?.?
And now here Anne was?with another child hating her. And another problem.
?LAVENDER! I command you to stop young lady! I DO NOT KNOW WHERE YOUR MOTHER IS AND I DO NOT KNOW WHAT I?M DOING HERE!? Anne screamed. All the anger she had fit into a little square inside her body had just burst! She picked up the slice of choclate cake she had brought for Lavender and dropped the cake in Lavender?s lap,
?You can eat it now.? Anne had never acted so?so?well?mean before! She was always a nice little girl?that loved to talk and was very curious.
As Anne was about to walk out the door Lavender said,
?Sorry Anne?It?s just that?andaftr I had finished dancing at the ball?well I collapsed?I opened my eyes and my Mom was bended over me?she was REAL and I know she was?she didn?t have the same clothes like in my dream?she was wearing a chestnut brown ball gown that had white lace at the collar and she was wearing grandmother?s pearls.?
?Anne?I know she?s real now?because she?s the one that got me here. She was beside me all the way and I have to find her! I have to find her before it?s too late and I never get to see her a-a-a?g-gai?n-n-nn-n.? Lavender feel asleep and Anne left. She had heard all Lavender said and now she was on a mission?to find Lavender?s mother. But first, she ran over to Diane?s house and said, We?re going to the fabric store and then we?re going to White Sands to canvass the people there?but we?re not only going to ask them A.V.I.S questions?we?re going to ask them about Lavender?s mother.?
((((AND NOW I'll post more of it to you laterz! As soon as you reply to me! Remember you can ALWAYS e-mail me at and I'll reply to you A.S.A.P! Love you guyz! ***Zoe***))))
😡Zoe/Lavender: Hi Journal,
Today I learned how I look. A passerby said, "I look at that cute little girl, standing all alone, by herself." and the lady came up to me. Her voice very high-pitched and she asked me all kinds of questions and I heard her whisper (finally) to someone near her, "She's blind. She keeps looking at me but not at the right places." I foudn out later I was looking at her forehead.
"You're a pretty thing. With blonde hair so white that it could be mistaken for cotton or ostrich feathers and eyes, such a beutiful green. A spring green...the green you see on the horizon when the sun rises on the VERY first day of spring. And the green of the inside of a sapling. You have long white eyelashes too! As long as Baby Franklin's when he was born...but they shrunk now...OF COURSE. Your lips are full...nice and soft...delicate looking and you have a small little cherry dimple in your left cheek! Smile for me! Smile for me!"
The lady said more...like how tall I was...and what I was wearing...some lady had dressed me once...she had said I was walking with a tight little shirt on me and night pants. I was so embarrassed when I heard that...Well...I must stop writing now...I don't even know if I'm keeping within the lines...
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