All right, enough is enough! As a Transformers fan, I've had to put up with many well-loved characters being treated in an unpardonably horrendous manner. It's time I spoke out against it. I speak of the abomination that is shipping and more specifically, slashing. I've taken the liberty of inviting a host of Transformers from various continuities to discuss this issue. They have only been told that this is a priority meeting, and it would be in their best interest to attend. Thus, their reactions will be genuine...I warn you, some of the Deceps and Preds might have some pretty strong things to say about their treatment. I'll only deal with the slashes I've come across, or have seen hinted at. I have no doubt there are many others I haven't had the misfortune of crossing paths with.
*ahem* Let's start with G1, shall we?
Me: All right, will the following G1 characters please enter: Optimus Prime, Megatron, Starscream, Skyfire, Mirage, Hound, Shockwave, and Soundwave.
*Transformers enter, with considerable enmity between Autobots and Decepticons*
Me: All right, there'll be no squabbling at this time, ya hear?
Starscream: *sarcastically* Oh, YES, but of course!
Me: Can it, tin-head. Now, I've called you all here for a very serious reason. What you are about to hear concerns you all, and it might shock you.
Megatron: Continue, insect!
Me: Temper, temper, Megajerk. Now, as I was saying...um...well, this is kind of awkward for me. As a proper fan, I avoid this stuff like the plague...to be honest, even having to bring this up is quite embarrassing.
Optimus: We trust your judgement, BP. Please, don't feel nervous.
Me: Well, okay...you've all been slashed.
Group: *all react in horror and shock*
Starscream: Impossible!
Megatron: Who would DARE do such a thing!?
Soundwave: *says nothing, but manages to look utterly shocked
*Group: *general hubbub*
Me: Okay, okay, settle down! I know this is hard to accept, but your some of your so-called fans are obsessed with some pretty sick fantasies. Now comes the really awkward part...who you've been slashed with. *deep breath* Sorry, Optimus, but I'm going to start with you.
Optimus: Go on.
Me: This is gonna sound ridiculously gross...but, you and Megatron.
Megatron: WHAT!?
Optimus: My own fans...these were people I trusted.
Me: I can't pretend to know how you feel, Optimus, but I imagine pretty betrayed.
Megatron: What does it matter what that Autobot feels? I have been slandered by those disgusting insects!
Me: Tch! Well, since you OBVIOUSLY care so much...you've been slashed to the edge of the universe and back. Now before you go spouting off more, lemme list the poor saps you've been paired with: Starscream-
Starscream: *horrified shriek*
Me: *somewhat annoyed by the ear-piercing quality of his scream, continues* Soundwave-
Soundwave: Impossible. Impossible. *sounds like he's about to short circuit*
Me: And lastly, Shockwave.
Shockwave: What-? Lord Megatron, I assure you, I am equally appalled.
Megatron: Human! Who is responsible for this?
Me: Well since you asked so nicely...*rolls eyes* Look, if I knew the specific people, I'd be more than happy to hand 'em over for some Decepticon punishment. *snickers* There's one aspect of this that REALLY doesn't work. These slash-idiots have shipped YOU guys. Decepticons! As if you had the capacity to love!
Starscream: Decepticons don't need weaknesses like love, human! Power is all that matters!
Me: *rolls eyes* What a charming personality you have...no wonder your little take-overs work so well!
Starscream: I AM AND ALWAYS WILL BE THE MORE CAPABLE LEADER! MEGATRON IS A FOOL!
Megatron: You traitorous-
Me: Okay, okay, break it up! Remember, no fighting!
Hound: Can't they break each other just a little bit? It would make things easier for us!
Me: Believe me, Hound, I'd love for 'em to tear each other to pieces. I actually would find it quite entertaining. But, that's not why I brought you all here. I might as well finish off the Deceps with one final jab at my favorite baddie. Starscream, you've been shipped with one other person.
Starscream: Oh? And who might that be?
Me: Skyfire.
Skyfire: What!? I don't understand- why would anyone do that?
Starscream: THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE! Skyfire is a traitorous coward-
Me: Oh, YOU'RE one to talk, Screamer!
Starscream: SILENCE! YOU WILL REFER TO ME AS LORD STARSCREAM!
Me: *rolls eyes* Yeah, sure, and my name is Unicron...
Starscream: BE QUIET!
Me: Make me, bitbrain! Starscream: You little-
Optimus: Quiet! Cut it out, you two! I can't hear myself think!
Me: Sorry Optimus...well, that finishes it for the Deceps. Now I really hate to do this to you guys...but Mirage and Hound, you two have been slashed.
Hound: Huh? How could that happen?
Mirage: This doesn't make any sense...
Me: Trust me, I know! None of this makes any sense! I wish there was something I could do to help you guys...
Optimus: You have helped us, BP. You've proven a valuable ally against an enemy we didn't even know we had. Now, we know who we're fighting against. And we will not be caught off guard again.
Starscream: How quaint! Another Autobot speech!
Hound: Will you shut it already?
Me: *snickers* Well put. Now, would any of you like to make a final statement about your treatment before we move on to the next group? How about we just go through the list directly. Optimus?
Optimus: I never expected a betrayal like this. I supposed they were my allies- my friends. But, those who seem our allies cannot always be trusted. A bitter lesson to learn.
Me: *somber nod* Hound?
Hound: I just don't see why anyone would do that. It's pretty twisted, if you ask me!
Mirage: That's putting it lightly. These people are supposed to be our fans- and look how they treat us.
Skyfire: I didn't even know I had a fanbase...and now I think that was a good thing! At least then I didn't know how I was being treated by my so-called fans...
Starscream: Stop whining, you pathetic traitor. We Decepticons have had a far worse treatment!
Megatron: Shut up, Starscream. You've had barely a taste of this 'slashing'. I've been slashed with four different Transformers, one of which is our sworn enemy! If ever I see those repulsive humans, I will utterly destroy them!
Shockwave: Well said, my lord. I will naturally assist...those who oppose us must be silenced.
Soundwave: Acknowledged.
Me: Wow, you guys took the cue. I know it's going to sting for awhile...but I wish you all luck. Would you mind bringing in the Beast Wars lot? This one could take awhile...
*G1 Transformers leave, a good deal of grumbling and overall negativity*
*Beast Wars Transformers enter- lots of arguing, some name calling, even some punching*
Me: Well, seems my hands are gonna be full with you lot...all right, a heinous crime has been committed against you all- for the record, that is: Optimus Primal, Megatron, Scorponok, Terrorsaur, Dinobot, and Rattrap. You have all been- I hesitate to say it, but I think you're a hardy enough lot...and at any rate, the previous crowd helped me get used to the sting of it. You've all been slashed.
Group: *cacophonous explosion of horror, shock, and rage*
Me: You don't know the half of it. *nauseated expression* Optimus, I'd like to start with you.
Optimus: Go ahead...though I'm not sure I want to know.
Me: If there were another way, trust me, I'd use it. You've been shipped with, as usual, Megatron.
Megatron: What an utterly repulsive thought. Yes...
Optimus: Who in their right mind would come up with something like that?
Me: 'in their right mind' being the operative phrase, Optimus. People just seem to love slashing Optimuses with Megatrons. And I have no idea why, either. You guys are nemeses, for crying out loud!
Megatron: Well, you seem to forget that most people are stupid. They don't grasp the finer things. Yes...
Me: For once, I agree with you. *shudder* I think I just felt part of my soul die.
Me: Oh, can it. I have principles you know. Agreeing with the villain tends to go against them.
Megatron: *sigh* Oh, you silly honorable people...really, you would get so much more done with a little more cunning...
Me: You talk WAY too much. Anyone ever told you that?
Megatron: You disrespectful little-
Me: Anyway, since you're determined to hog the spotlight, let's finish all your slashes, shall we? *adds mockingly* Yes...
Megatron: *says nothing, but looks angry enough to kill*
Me: You Megatrons always get slashed with a boatload of people. We'll start with Scorponok.
Megatron: *incredulously* Scorponok?
Scorponok: *looks utterly stupefied* I don't understand.
Me: There doesn't seem to be a whole lot you DO understand, Scorponok...anyway, next on this list- this one is particularly painful to me.
Rattrap: Spit it out!
Me: Don't push it, ratface! It took multiple episodes for me to even start tolerating you, and I can easily go back to outright disliking you!
Rattrap: Hey, okay, easy! Yeesh, who got put a bug in HER servos?
Me: ANYWAY...this next one has been a sensitive issue for some time...Megatron has also been shipped with- with Dinobot.
Dinobot: *for once, is too taken aback to say anything*
Megatron: Revolting! The very idea is utterly beneath me.
Dinobot: *regains legendary battle composure* To think that I would do such a base thing is disgusting beyond description. It's unspeakable. Those so-called fans are obviously nothing more than a pack of deluded morons! *snarls* A twisted group of idiots, beyond even the lowest considerations of honor...
Megatron: So very dramatic, aren't you? Yes...
Me: Oh, shut it! Just because the most poetic YOU ever wax is adding 'yes' to the end of every sentence, or, if you're feeling adventurous, 'no'! And you can keep any idiotic comments to yourself, 'cause I'm just gonna blaze right into the next victim. *turns attention to Dinobot* First of all, let me say what an absolute honor it is to meet you, and *grimace* let me apologize for what has to be done. You have also been shipped with *grimace becomes extremely apologetic* Rattrap.
Rattrap: WHAT?! Me- and Chopperface? Oh, I have heard some disgustin' things in my time, but that is just nasty!
Dinobot: *snarls* It isn't too appealing from my side, either, VERMIN.
Me: Trust me, to any sane person, it isn't AT ALL appealing. People seem to think that, since you two are ALWAYS arguing and calling each other names, you *ahem* just don't know how to express your feelings for each other. *looks ready to puke*
Rattrap: The only thing I feel toward that slag-spoutin', saurian, Predacon turnaround is some serious irritation! That guy is ALWAYS gettin' on my case!
Dinobot: Perhaps if you were less of an intolerable imbecilic rodent, I would be more agreeable! *snarls menacingly* But somehow I doubt that's going to happen.
Rattrap: Do you see what I have to deal with? And I swear, this guy's got no sense of humor! I can't count the number of times he's tried to bump me off!
Dinobot: Worthless vermin!
Rattrap: Lizardlips!
Dinobot: Eater of garbage!
Rattrap: Scale-belly!
Dinobot: Cheese-lips!
Rattrap: Gear-head!
Dinobot: Malodorous Mouse!
Optimus: WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP! I've had to deal with your arguing almost constantly, and it's driving me insane!
Me: *laughs* Oh, poor Optimus! I guess I never figured how hard it was for you and Rhinox and Cheetor to deal with those two. *smile* I always found them pretty funny. Reminiscent in a way of the way Spock and McCoy always argue. Accept, you know...more violent. Wow, we got sidetracked. Well, the last one is sort of foggy. Terrorsaur- you've been slashed. I just don't know who the unfortunate other half of the slash is.
Terrorsaur: Wait- I'VE been slashed? *a bit panicky* Well- why would anyone want to do that? What have I done? Huh? WHAT?
Me: Hey, I don't know, I just report it! Well, that finished up the Beast Wars lot. Would any of you care to make a final statement? Optimus?
Optimus: I'm not even sure how to respond to this. I never expected an enemy from within.
Megatron: That, foolish Optimus, is one of the many flaws of the Maximals. You trust far too much. Yes...
Me: Oh, for the love...! Will you cut out the 'yes'ing? How many times have you said that while you were here? At least six. How about we just move on...
Rattrap: Well, I got somethin' to say to those yammerin' idiots: I'm never gonna be interested in that scale-faced Pred, or any other guy. Trust me, I got my optics on a couple of pretty sweet lookin' dames, and I ain't in NO hurry to suddenly switch whose team I'm playin' on.
Dinobot: *snarl* No one doubts you are after several females...I would only doubt the sanity of one that was after YOU.
Rattrap: Hey, you wanna fight or something', Chopperface? Bring it on!
Dinobot: It would hardly be a fair fight. Far be it from me to fight a harmless opponent.
Rattrap: Harmless?! I'll show YOU harmless, ya scale-faced, slag-brained-
Optimus: SHUT UP! Enough is enough, you two! For my sake, at least PRETEND you get along!
Rattrap: Easier said than done...
Dinobot: *quiet irritated snarl, but stops fighting*
Me: Ooookay, now that we've gotten sidetracked beyond compare...hmm, did Terrorsaur or Scorponok want to add anything before we move on? *perplexed* Hey, where'd Terrorsaur go?
Rattrap: Looks like the dino-bird flew the coop, eh? Me: Can it, trash-breath. Well, Scorponok's not exactly know for his wit, so...how about you guys bring in the Animated crew?
*Beast Wars group leaves. Dinobot and Rattrap start to argue again as they leave, and various noises of combat can be heard as they disappear from view*
Me: Oyoyoy...those two... *shakes head and smiles*
*Animated group comes in with relatively little fuss*
Me: Whew...you know, you'd think this would get easier with each group I have to tell, but somehow... *shakes head* It just isn't. Okay, for the record, the Transformers present are Starscream, Megatron, Bumblebee, Swindle, and Prowl, with the human Sari also present. Okay, guys...I have some very bad news for you.
Bumblebee: Oh great. I hate bad news. I get enough of that back home.
Prowl: Quiet!
Bumblebee: Sheesh, EXCUSE me.
Me: As I was saying...*shudders* well, might as well get it out fast...like pulling off a band-aid...you've all been slashed-
Group: *panic, surprise and disgust ensue*
Me: Hang on, hang on! Let me finish! You've all been slashed with the exception of Sari and Prowl.
Sari: Slashed?
Bumblebee: Trust me- you don't want to know.
Me: Sadly, she has to know. While she isn't a victim of slashing, she's been dealt a blow almost as serious. She's been shipped. *clears throat nervously* With you, Bumblebee.
Bumblebee: WHAT!?
Sari: Ewww...
Me: I know! The only small consolation I can offer you is that you two were shipped in a fanfic in which you ALL were cats, and, in that case, you were an adult. *shakes head* Though the very idea of turning a freakin' EIGHT YEAR-OLD into an adult just so she can be shipped is revolting.
Prowl: To say the least.
Me: Oh, yes, and you Prowl. Since I was on the subject of ruthless slander, I figured I would cover what fans have done to you. You haven't been shipped or slashed, to my knowledge, but heaps upon heaps on people have made some rather rude comments about you.
Prowl: Go on.
Me: Not even legitimate concerns with your personality or actions. Many fans seem fixated on appearances, and thus, have labeled you as some kind of *ahem* 'femme' because your feet look like small heels.
Prowl: *looks perplexed*
Me: To be perfectly honest, I think the man-heels look pretty gear- but I digress. Now, to get to the Decepticons.
Starscream: And about time, too...
Me: *exasperated sigh* You are aware that this is BAD news, right? As in, bad for EVERYONE?
Starscream: Oh, whatever.
Me: Since you seem so determined to be in the spotlight, I'll start with you. Ah, the age-old slasher favorite: you and Megatron.
Starscream: What!?
Megatron: What a disgusting concept.
Starscream: Oh like YOU'D know, mighty lord Megatron. *sarcasm: warp 50*
Me: Oookay...and you would, Screamer?
Starscream: You're twisting my words, disgusting organic!
Me: You Starscreams are always SUCH charmers. *rolls eyes* Anyway, Megs, you've been slashed with relatively few guys this time. One particular fan-made video paired you with Swindle simply for the 'lulz'. *shudder*
Swindle: What now? That's just not right!
Me: Funny how often I'm agreeing with Deceps and Preds today...*twitch* Even evil has it's standards, I suppose. At least, cartoon evil. Well, thankfully, those are the only matters I need to cover. Do any of you want to say something in closing?
Bumblebee: I got something to say! *looks at Sari with a bizarrely horrified expression* Bots and humans just don't do that! Sari's my friend, yeah, but- ewww...never anything like THAT.
Sari: Yeah! That's just gross!
Starscream: Oh, please, you idiotic Autobots don't have to deal with being slashed with THAT! *gestures at Megatron*
Megatron: I assure you, Starscream, I am not happy about it either.
Swindle: Yeah, and what'd I do to deserve this?
Me; *sigh* Oh, that a day should come when I'd be siding with Decepticons...*grimace* Not even YOU lot deserve to be treated like that. *noticed Prowl hasn't said anything* You wanna make a comment?
Prowl: *ignores, silently fuming over treatment*
Me: He's gonna be like that all day now, isn't he?
Bumblebee: Pretty much.
Me: And he got the lightest treatment of the group...well, that settles it for you guys. Would you mind grabbing the Prime crowd on your way out?
*Starscream transforms and flies out in a huff, the others file out. Prowl stays behind a bit until he realizes everyone else has left, at which point he transforms and drives off, wearing a face of such indignation as to make one flinch*
*A whole mess of Transformers come in, each one making jabs at another*
Me: Sheesh, you guys are louder than the Beast Wars lot! All right, let's see...everyone here? That should be Optimus, Megatron, Starscream, Airachnid, Arcee, Knock Out, Breakdown, Bumblebee, and the human June. Whew...okay, sorry to keep you guys waiting so long. I've had a lot of material to go through. I'll make this quick * wince* - you've all been slashed.
Group: *some outright furious screams, and a multitude of gasps and shouts*
Me: I know it's hard to accept...but, I had to bring it up. It's not fair for you guys to endure this and not be able to defend yourselves. I'll change things up a bit and handle the Decepticons first. How about you, Megatron?
Megatron: You may continue.
Me: *rolls eyes* How gracious of you. You've been slashed with Optimus...which isn't too surprising, given that you two used to be friends in this particular continuity.
Megatron: How twisted. I've had to deal with idiocy within my own ranks- *darts venomous glance at Starscream, who flinches visibly*. The humans responsible will be even easier to crush.
Me: I wish you were right. *twitch* I've got to stop doing that! This agreeing with bad guys is gonna kill me...!
Starscream: One can only hope...
Me: Oh, shut it! For some bizarre reason, I'm trying to help you- goodness knows why, you're STARSCREAM, after all. How would you like to know that you've been slashed with Megatron? How do you like THEM apples?
Starscream: Me-? With- HIM!?
Megatron: *looks fit to kill*
Me: It makes no sense to anyone with a single functioning brain cell. You tried to- and nearly succeeded, I might add- kill Megatron. Doesn't exactly strike me as a very cozy relationship...oh, and while I'm talking about you, I might as well bring up another injustice done to you. *shudder* Oyoyoy...giving Deceps a claim to justice...this day just keeps getting better and better.
Starscream: Get on with it!
Me: Temper, temper, Screamer! As you no doubt are aware, many fans are obsessed with looks. Due to your, how shall I say it-? Delicate- framework, and MASSIVE man-heels, you've been labeled a 'femme', and even a cross-dresser by one sick twist.
Starscream: What!?
Me: My reaction exactly. Now, as much as I'd love to jump right into YOUR pile of slashes, I need to finish Megatron's. This last one isn't a slash- it's a ship. You've been shipped with Airachnid.
Airachnid: Is that so? How terrible... *somehow doesn't exactly look like she's horrified...more like some sick kind of amusement*
Me: *utter sarcasm* You might want to contain your horror, wall-crawler. Seriously, you're blowing me away.
Airachnid: *begins to talk but gets cut off*
Me: Anyway, NOW I can move onto you, Screamer. I've already covered the Megs slash, so now...*ahem* The following slash was only hinted at: Knock Out.
Starscream: WHAT!?
Me: Yeesh, yell something new, why don't ya!
Knock Out: *smirk* Me and STARSCREAM? That's disgusting in so many ways.
Me: Oh, Knock Out...one more thing about you. Since you're such an egomaniac, many people have labeled you, and I quote, 'metrosexual' or outright gay. *shudder*
Knock Out: I can't help looking this good. Is it any wonder I want to keep it that way?
Me: *rolls eyes* Oh, please. One more thing about you...this one was hinted at, possibly in the same conversation as the Starscream and Knock Out slash was hinted...I didn't stick around to figure out exactly who was being paired with whom. Anyway...you have possibly been slashed with Breakdown.
Breakdown: Huh? That's just- that's just wrong.
Knock Out: Well I'M not thrilled about it either. You're not exactly my type.
Me: I don't know if I should be relieved you're taking this with a sense of humor or somewhat disturbed. Well, might as well move onto the last nubbin of Breakdown's involvement. You've also been shipped with Airachnid.
Breakdown: With- Airachnid? (Seems surprised, but not outright disgusted. After all, at least this time it's a girl, not his boss.)
Me: Hmmm...now who to cover? Ah, Optimus! I can't believe I almost forgot about you...*looks honestly sheepish*
Optimus: Do not worry. From what I heard, this has been a trying day for all of us.
Me: You don't know the half of it. I'm only the bearer of bad tidings...I can't imagine how you all must feel...*clears throat nervously* Well, I might as well get yours over with. You already know about the Megatron slash. You've also been shipped with Arcee.
Arcee: *looks shocked and angry* Wait- what?
Optimus: *remains quiet, but looks somehow apologetic*
Me: And- *shudder* this next one is particularly disgusting. You've also been shipped with the human June.
June: Hold on, what was that? *looks shocked, like the poster child of motherly consternation*
Me: All over a single joking comment.
June: Can't kids take a joke?
Me: Kids, yes. But these sickos turn everything into innuendo. No one is safe, and I mean NO ONE.
Optimus: It is indeed a grave situation. This is an unforeseen enemy- one that we will not allow to catch us off-guard again.
Me: I wish you luck. And I wish even more than this wasn't necessary...*sigh* Well, I'll finish off by covering Arcee's. *glances warily at Arcee* I'm just the messenger, so no biting my head off for what you're about to hear.
Arcee: *still mad about the Optimus ship* No promises.
Me: How comforting. Well, other than Optimus, you've been *ahem* 'femmeslashed' with Airachnid.
Arcee: With HER!? *looks furious enough to rip someone limb from limb* That monster doesn't deserve to live!
Airachid: You Autobots do tend to hold onto things, don't you? Except for you partners, that is.
Arcee: *enraged scream, tries to attack Airachnid, but is held back by Optimus*
Me: Better make this quick- you've also been hint-shipped with Bumblebee.
Arcee: With Bee? *Looks shocked and angry* That's ridiculous!
Bumblebee: *shocked hums and beeps*
Me: My thoughts exactly! It seems I'm the only fan out there who remembers one critical statement Arcee made, what, way back in episode one? Jack asks if Bee is a friend of yours, and WHAT do you reply? 'Family'. Whether you meant that literally or not, it would certainly preclude any romance. Given your interactions, I pegged Bee as a little brother figure. Besides, he's still technically a kid.
Bumblebee: *emphatic beep*
Me: All right, Arcee, you might want to brace yourself, because this next one is really gonna hit a nerve. You've been shipped with your late partner, Tailgate.
Arcee: *rage takes on a shocked tone* What-? With- Tailgate? *turns fury to Airachnid* You did this, didn't you!?
Airachnid: As much as I'd love to take the credit for causing you even more pain, I can't say I did. *wicked smile* But I might have to thank whoever did.
Me: Okay, that's enough! *stern frown* Look, I know there's a lot of crap going down, but this is not the place to dish out some more! Let's just get in your final comments and call it a day. We'll start with Optimus.
Optimus: It is times like these that make you grateful for the true allies you have. And, it is times like these that remind you that not all can be trusted. Not all can be achieved through peaceful means.
Me: Well said.
Megatron: Nothing that matters can be achieved peacefully, Prime! These vermin will be eradicated...
Me: Much as I would like to see that happen...I don't think it will be that easy. But, y'know, if you DO happen to find them...well, put it this way: I don't think the world will miss a few slash-heads. *looks somewhat nervous at Acree* And somehow, I don't think you'll be alone in your hunt...
Arcee: Work with THEM!? With those murderers-!? Listen, kid-
Me: Okay, ENOUGH! I've been pretty patient with you. I've tried to be understanding, tried to give you some leeway, but I've had enough. I don't expect you to take this news like it's nothing, but I'M NOT THE ENEMY! Much as the idea of teaming up with any Deceps turns my stomach, if there were a way to crush these slashers and shippers by teaming up, I would seriously consider it. Apparently, though, that never occurred to you! *fumes for a bit, then calms down* Well. I, um...sorry about that. Man, I try to keep you guys calm and I'M the one who ends up cracking.
Starscream: *muttering to himself* Hardly surprising...
Me: I can HEAR you, you know. And you know what, I'd watch what I said if I were you. We're in MY domain. Starscream: Oh, how terrifying.
Me: You know, I'm at the end of my patience with you, twerp. *snaps fingers and stasis-cuffs appear on Starscream, as well as wing-clips. Another snap summons magic duct tape that slaps over his mouth, preventing any further irritating comments. Being the whiner that he is, he throws an absolute fit, which no one understands because of the duct tape* Well...with all that aside...does anyone else want to say something before we wrap up?
June: I certainly have something to say! I don't understand how these kids can do something like that. Whatever their parents tried to teach them, it obviously didn't work.
Me: Clearly. *looks at the group* I assume Airachnid has nothing of value to say. Knock Out or Breakdown? *noticed Knock Out has skipped out* Hey- gosh dang it, why do you guys keep leaving?
Breakdown: He got bored.
Me: *exasperated sigh* Well then, that's that. You can all go now, and I wish you luck in however you choose to combat the slashers and shippers.
*they leave, with considerable fuss, except Starscream*
Starscream: *mumbles something incoherent and looks pitifully up at BP*
Me: Lemme guess. You want the stasis-cuffs, wing-clips, and duct tape gone.
Starscream: *nods. puppy-dog face becomes even more pitiful*
Me: Oh, quit that! *to self* How does someone so evil make a face so pathetically adorable? *to Starscream* Well, you'd figure out a way to get them off anyway, so I might as well get you out of here. *snaps fingers, freeing Starscream* And before you try to spin out some pathetic dribble about how much you hate being with the Deceps, let me clarify one thing: I know your little tricks. I like you as a villain, but TRUST me, if we met on the field of battle, I'd blow your face off. No hesitation.
Starscream: *looked like he was going to play the pity card, but thought better of it after hearing BP's determination to take him offline*
Me: Well, get outta here! Go on, shoo! You have your wings, use 'em!
*Starscream looks thoughtful in a creepy, sinister kind of way, transforms and flies out*
Me: Well, now that I'm thoroughly creeped out and well and truly tired...*sigh* People, it's time to stop this insanity. Quit butchering these poor characters. If you really gave a darn about them, you'd show 'em some respect.