by: William Shakespeare
TRANSLATION
https://www.sparknotes.com/nofear/shakespeare/shrew
https://www.sparknotes.com/nofear/shakespeare/shrew/page_28/
MODERN TEXT
Act 3
Scene 1
BIANCA ENTERS WITH LUCENTIO DISGUISED AS CAMBIO, AND HORTENSIO DISGUISED AS LITIO
LUCENTIO
(speaking as CAMBIO) Restrain yourself, fiddler! You’re too insistent. Have you forgotten how her sister Katherine thanked you for your lessons?
HORTENSIO
(speaking as LITIO) Quarrelsome teacher! This lady is the queen of heavenly harmony. Therefore allow me to claim her attention first, and after we have spent an hour on music you can have equal time for your lecture.
LUCENTIO
(as CAMBIO) Ridiculous ass! You’re not even educated enough to know why music was created. Wasn’t it to refresh the mind of man after his studies and daily toil? Therefore allow me to read philosophy with her, and then, when I am finished, indulge in your harmony.
HORTENSIO
(as LITIO) Sir, you go too far! I will not stand for it!
BIANCA
Gentlemen, it seems to me you’re both out of line to be laying down the law about things that are really up to me. I am no schoolboy, and I won’t be dictated to with hours and schedules. I’ll have my lessons in the order and manner I prefer. So to cut short this argument, let’s figure this out.
(to HORTENSIO)
Take you your instrument, play you the whiles.
His lecture will be done ere you have tuned.
(to HORTENSIO) You take your instrument and play awhile. He’ll be finished with his lecture before you’ve even tuned it.
HORTENSIO
(as LITIO) You’ll leave his lecture when I’m in tune?
LUCENTIO
(to himself) That will be never. (to HORTENSIO) Tune your instrument.
BIANCA
Where did we leave off?
LUCENTIO
Here, madam:
Hic ibat Simois, hic est Sigeia tellus,
Hic steterat Priami regia celsa senis.
BIANCA
Translate.
LUCENTIO
Hic ibat, as I told you before, Simois, I am Lucentio, hic est, son of Vincentio of Pisa, Sigeia tellus, disguised as a teacher so as to win your love, Hic steterat, and the fellow who comes to court you calling himself “Lucentio,” Priami, is my servant Tranio, regia, pretending to be me, celsa senis, so we can get the better of the foolish old man.
HORTENSIO
(as LITIO) Madam, my instrument’s in tune.
BIANCA
Let’s hear. (he plays) Oooh, no! The high note’s off.
LUCENTIO
(as CAMBIO) Spit on the tuning-peg, man, and try again.
BIANCA
Now let me see if I can translate it. Hic ibat Simois, I don’t know you, hic est Sigeia tellus, I don’t trust you, Hic steterat Priami, don’t let him hear you, regia, don’t take anything for granted, celsa senis, don’t give up.
HORTENSIO
(as LITIO) Madam, now it really is in tune.
LUCENTIO
(as CAMBIO) All but the low note.
HORTENSIO
(as LITIO) The low note’s fine; it’s this low-minded dog that’s out of tune! (to himself) How touchy and insistent this fellow is! I’m beginning to think he’s wooing my darling. Little professor! I’ll have to keep an eye on you.
BIANCA
(to LUCENTIO) In time I may come to believe you, but I’m wary.
LUCENTIO
There’s no need to be, really, for— (he breaks off, seeing that HORTENSIO is listening, and pretends to go back to the Latin lesson)—“Aeacides” is just another name for Ajax. He gets it from his grandfather.
BIANCA
You’re my teacher, so I must believe you. Otherwise, I would have to argue the point with you. But let it go.—Now, Litio, it’s your turn. I hope, sir, that you’re not angry that I’ve been equally attentive to you both!
HORTENSIO
(as LITIO, to LUCENTIO) You can take a break. Leave us alone, why don’t you? I don’t teach music for a threesome.
LUCENTIO
(as CAMBIO) Well, aren’t we strict! Okay, I guess I’ll have to wait. (to himself) And watch, too. For unless I’m very much mistaken, our fancy musician is turning romantic!
HORTENSIO
(as LITIO) Madam, before you take up the instrument or begin to learn the fingering, I must teach you certain fundamentals. To help you remember the scales, I’ve come up with a little trick—more fun and effective than those that any of my colleagues use. Here, I’ve written it out.
BIANCA
I think I know my scales by now!
HORTENSIO
(speaking as LITIO) Well, read Hortensio’s scale anyway.
BIANCA
(reading) “I am the scale, the basis of all harmony.
A re, Im here to argue for Hortensio’s love;
B mi, Bianca, take him for your husband,
C fa ut, he loves you with all affection;
D sol re, I have one clef but only two notes;
E la mi, have pity on me, or I’ll die.”
You call this a scale? I don’t like it. I don’t go in for these new-fangled methods. I like doing things the old-fashioned way.
A SERVANT ENTERS.
SERVANT
Mistress, your father requests that you leave your books and come help decorate your sister’s room. You know tomorrow is her wedding day.
BIANCA
Farewell to both of you, dear teachers. I have to go.
LUCENTIO
(as CAMBIO) In that case, mistress, there’s no reason for me to stay.
BIANCA, THE SERVANT, AND LUCENTIO EXIT.
HORTENSIO
HORTENSIO
But there’s reason for me to look more closely at this schoolmaster. He acts like a man in love. But if Bianca is so vulgar as to stoop for any man she sees, the hell with her. Whoever wants her can have her. The first time I catch her straying, it’s over. End of story.
HE EXITS.
Act 3
Scene 2
BAPTISTA AND GREMIO ENTER, FOLLOWED BY TRANIO DISGUISED AS LUCENTIO, KATHERINE, BIANCA, LUCENTIO, AND SERVANTS.
BAPTISTA
(to TRANIO as LUCENTIO) Signior Lucentio, this is the day appointed for Katherine and Petruchio’s wedding, but there’s no sign of the groom. What will people say? To have the priest right here, ready to perform the marriage ceremony, and be missing a bridegroom! What do you think about our humiliation, Lucentio?
KATHERINE
The humiliation is all mine. You forced me to accept this man against my will, this fancy con artist who was in such a hurry to get engaged. He has no intention of marrying me. I knew it—I told you. The whole thing was a joke. He pretends to be this simple, backward guy, but it’s all a gag to amuse his witty friends. He goes around proposing to women—they set a date, he gets introduced around, they send out the invitations and make a public announcement, but he has no intention of going through with it. So now everyone will point at me and say, “Look, there goes the wife of that comedian Petruchio—if he could be bothered to marry the pathetic thing!”
TRANIO
(speaking as LUCENTIO) No, no, I assure you, Katherine—and you, too, Baptista—Petruchio means well, whatever circumstance prevents him from keeping his word. He’s rough-edged, but he’s a good man, and though he likes a joke, he’s not a liar.
KATHERINE
Maybe, but I wish I’d never laid eyes on him.
SHE EXITS WEEPING, FOLLOWED BY BIANCA AND OTHERS.
BAPTISTA
Go, daughter. I cannot blame you now for weeping. An insult like this would try the patience of a saint, let alone a hot-tempered shrew like you!
BIONDELLO ENTERS.
BIONDELLO
Master, master! I have news—old news such as you never heard before!
BAPTISTA
You say you have news that’s old? How can that be?
BIONDELLO
Well, is it not news that Petruchio’s coming?
BAPTISTA
Is he here?
BIONDELLO
Why, no, sir.
BAPTISTA
What then?
BIONDELLO
He is coming.
BAPTISTA
When will he be here?
BIONDELLO
When he stands where I am and sees you there.
TRANIO
(as LUCENTIO) So what’s the old news?
BIONDELLO
Well, Petruchio is coming in a new hat and an old vest, a pair of old pants turned inside out, unmatched boots that have been used as spittoons, one buckled, the other laced; a rusty old sword from the town armory with a broken hilt and no scabbard. He’s got on worn-out garters and is riding a swayback old horse with a moth-eaten saddle, stirrups from two different sets, a bad hip, swollen glands, lockjaw, leg ulcers, bedsores, arthritis, jaundice, a hernia, hives, worms, cancer, a mossy overbite, and post-nasal drip. He’s knock-kneed too. His bit’s lopsided and his cardboard bridle, which breaks when you pull on it, is taped in a few places. The saddle strap is made out of patchwork, and the strap that goes under his tail to keep the saddle in place is velvet, with the initials of some woman written in studs.
BAPTISTA
Who comes with him?
BIONDELLO
Just his servant, sir—pretty much got up like the horse, with a linen stocking on one leg and a big woolen booty on the other, a pair of red and blue garters, and an old hat with something no one’s ever seen before where the feather should be. He’s dressed like a freak, a total freak, and not at all like a proper footman or a gentleman’s valet.
TRANIO
(as LUCENTIO) He must be in a strange mood to go in for this fashion—though from time to time he has been known to dress down.
BAPTISTA
I am glad he’s coming, however he’s dressed.
BIONDELLO
Why, sir, he’s not coming.
BAPTISTA
Didn’t you just say he was?
BIONDELLO
Who? Petruchio?
BAPTISTA
Yes, Petruchio.
BIONDELLO
No, I said his horse is coming, with him on its back.
BAPTISTA
Well, that’s the same thing.
BIONDELLO
No, by Saint Jamy,
I’ll bet you a penny!
A man and his horse
Aren’t the same person—
Not that there’s much difference.
PETRUCHIO AND GRUMIO ENTER.
PETRUCHIO
Whoa! Where is everybody?
BAPTISTA
You are welcome, sir.
PETRUCHIO
I don’t feel well.
BAPTISTA
I don’t notice you limping.
TRANIO
(as LUCENTIO) And I would like it if you were a bit more formally dressed.
PETRUCHIO
Isn’t it better this way? But where is Kate? Where is my lovely bride? (to BAPTISTA) How is my father-in-law? Gentlemen, you seem displeased. What’s everyone staring at? You look as if you’d seen something unusual—a comet or something.
BAPTISTA
Why, sir, you know this is your wedding day. First we were sad because we were afraid you wouldn’t come. Now we’re even sadder to see that you’ve come so unprepared. For heaven’s sake, take off that get-up. It’s a disgrace to a man of your social position and an insult to this solemn ceremony.
TRANIO
And tell us what extraordinary occurrence made you so late for your wedding and drove you to present yourself in an outfit that’s so—not typical of you.
PETRUCHIO
It’s a long story—and tough to listen to. It’s enough that I’m here according to my promise, though I will have to deviate from it to some extent—for reasons which, when I explain them later, you’ll understand completely. But where is Kate? We’re wasting time here. It’s getting late and time we were in church.
TRANIO
Don’t greet your bride in these disgraceful clothes. Go to my room and put on something of mine.
PETRUCHIO
Not me. I’ll see her like this.
BAPTISTA
But surely you’re not planning to marry her in what you’re wearing!
PETRUCHIO
Yes, just like this. But enough talk. It’s me she’s marrying and not my clothes. Though I expect she’ll wear me out more quickly than I’ll wear out what I’m wearing—which will be good for her and even better for me! But what a fool I am to stand here chatting when I should bid good morning to my bride and seal the bargain with a loving kiss.
PETRUCHIO AND GRUMIO EXIT.
TRANIO
He must be wearing this crazy outfit for some reason. I’ll try to persuade him to put on something more appropriate before going to the church, if it’s at all possible.
BAPTISTA
I’ll go too and make sure that happens.
BAPTISTA, GREMIO, AND ATTENDANTS EXIT.
TRANIO
But sir, you need to get her father’s consent as well as her love. And to that end, as I explained to your worship, I’m looking for a man—any man, it doesn’t matter; we’ll suit him to our purpose—who can pretend to be your father, Vincentio. And he’ll guarantee the dowry—for even more money than I’ve promised on your behalf. This way, you’ll get your wish and marry sweet Bianca with her father’s consent and with the least possible hassle.
LUCENTIO
If my fellow schoolmaster weren’t keeping such a close watch on her, I’d think about eloping. Then it wouldn’t matter what anyone said—I’d keep what’s mine, whatever the rest of the world said.
TRANIO
Don’t worry, I’m looking into that too. I’m on top of the situation—monitoring it very closely. We’ll outwit them all—that old geezer, Gremio; the suspicious father, Minola; the prim musician lover, Litio—all for the sake of my master, Lucentio.
GREMIO ENTERS.
Signior Gremio, are you coming from the church?
GREMIO
As eagerly as I ever came from school.
TRANIO
(speaking as LUCENTIO) And will the bride and bridegroom be here soon?
GREMIO
Bridegroom? This guy is more like the groom who cleans the stable—a grumbling groom at that, as the poor girl is discovering.
TRANIO
(speaking as LUCENTIO) You mean he’s worse than she is? That’s not possible!
GREMIO
No, he’s a devil—a devil, I tell you! An utter fiend.
TRANIO
(speaking as LUCENTIO) No, she’s a devil—a devil, I tell you. The devil’s grandmother.
GREMIO
Why, she’s a lamb, a dove, a child compared to him! Picture this: when the priest asked Katherine if she would have him, he answered, “Hell, yes!” and swore so loud that the priest drops the prayer book. Everyone froze, and as the priest stooped to pick it up again the lunatic bridegroom smacked him so hard that the priest and book went flying! Then he said, “Now pick them up—if anyone dares.”
TRANIO
(as LUCENTIO) What did the girl say when the priest got up?
GREMIO
She trembled and shook because he stamped and swore and carried on as though the vicar were trying to put something over on him. Finally, the ceremony done, he called for wine. “A health!” he shouted, like some sailor aboard ship, carousing with his mates after a storm. Then he chugs the wine and throws the dregs in the sexton’s face. Why? Because the fellow’s beard looked thin, he said, and it seemed to be asking him for the dregs while he was drinking. Next he slung his arm around the bride’s neck and kissed her with such a smack that when they parted the sound of their lips made the whole church echo. That was the limit for me. I got out of there as fast as I could. I know the rest of the crowd isn’t far behind me. It’s disgraceful! You never saw such a mockery of a marriage in your life!
MUSIC PLAYS
There go the minstrels. They’ve started up.
PETRUCHIO AND KATHERINE ENTER, WITH BIANCA, BAPTISTA, HORTENSIO, GRUMIO, AND MEMBERS OF THE WEDDING PROCESSION.
PETRUCHIO
Gentlemen and friends, thanks for bothering to come. I know you expected me to stay to dinner and have prepared a celebratory feast, but as it happens I’m called away. So let me say goodbye.
BAPTISTA
You’re not thinking of leaving tonight, surely?
PETRUCHIO
Not tonight—today. If you knew the reason, you’d understand and would urge me to go rather than stay. Good friends, I thank you all for coming to see me wed this patient, sweet, virtuous wife. Dine with my father and drink a health to me. I have to leave. Goodbye to you all.
TRANIO
(as LUCENTIO) Please, stay till after dinner.
PETRUCHIO
Can’t do it.
GREMIO
As a favor to me?
PETRUCHIO
Nope.
KATHERINE
As a favor to me?
PETRUCHIO
I’m delighted.
KATHERINE
Delighted to stay?
PETRUCHIO
Delighted to hear you ask so nicely, but I won’t stay in any case.
KATHERINE
Look, if you love me, stay.
PETRUCHIO
Grumio, get me my horse.
GRUMIO
Yes, sir, they’re ready. They’ve eaten themselves sick.
KATHERINE
All right, then, do what you like. I won’t leave today. Not tomorrow, either. I’ll leave when I’m good and ready. The door is open, sir. Feel free to use it. Go on, wear your boots out! As for me, I’ll leave when I like. If you’re this high-handed to start with, I can imagine how arrogant and arbitrary you’ll be as a husband.
PETRUCHIO
Calm down, Kate. Please don’t be angry.
KATHERINE
I will be angry. What business is it of yours?—Father, be quiet. He’ll stay as long as I say.
GREMIO
Okay, now it starts!
KATHERINE
Gentlemen, on to the bridal dinner. I see a woman may be made a fool of if she doesn’t have nerve enough to stand up for herself.
PETRUCHIO
They shall go in to the bridal dinner, Kate—they’re yours to command. Obey the bride, guests! Go to the banquet: revel, feast, and carouse! Drink yourselves silly toasting her virginity! Be wild and merry—or go to hell. But as for my bonny Kate, she must come with me. No, don’t puff out your chests and stamp and stare wonderingly. I will be master of what belongs to me. She is my property, one of my possessions—just like my house and everything in it, and my field, my barn, my horse, my ox, my donkey—anything of mine you care to name. Here she is; I dare you to touch her! I’ll sue anyone in Padua who tries to stand in my way, no matter how powerful he is.—Grumio, draw your sword! We are surrounded by thieves. Rescue your mistress! Prove yourself a man! Don’t be afraid, sweet girl, I won’t let them touch you. I’ll protect you, Kate, against a million of them.
PETRUCHIO, KATHERINE, AND GRUMIO EXIT.
BAPTISTA
No, let them go. They’re certainly a peaceful couple!
GREMIO
If they hadn’t left soon, I would have died laughing.
TRANIO
(as LUCENTIO) Of all the mad matches, this is by far the craziest.
LUCENTIO
(as CAMBIO) Mistress, what’s your opinion of your sister?
BIANCA
That since she’s mad herself, she’s married a madman.
GREMIO
I guarantee you, Petruchio’s going to suffer from his Kate.
BAPTISTA
Neighbors and friends, though we don’t have anyone for the bride and bridegroom’s places at the table, you know there’s nothing missing in the feast itself.
(to TRANIO) Lucentio, you shall assume the bridegroom’s place and let Bianca take her sister’s seat.
TRANIO
(as LUCENTIO) Shall sweet Bianca practice how to be a bride?
BAPTISTA
She shall, Lucentio. Come, gentlemen, let’s go in.
THEY ALL EXIT.