KnowYourMeme.com says Jeff The Killer was around since 2008, but it wasn't clear enough about which version was around. So one might think this horribly written story that is about to be dissected, is from 2008.
It is from 2011. The earliest capture from Archive.org was from November 21, 2011. It is the most popular, but not the original Jeff story. For info on that, go here.
🤥JTK Story2011: Excerpt from a local Newspaper:
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Locale and paper not specified, unnamed, unknown…Therefore, story untrue.
🤥JTK Story2011: OMINOUS UNKNOWN KILLER IS STILL AT LARGE.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: But his name is Jeff.
🤥JTK Story2011: After weeks of unexplained murders, the ominous unknown killer is still on the rise.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: So - what, does this dude rise with the sun or the moon? :p I believe you meant to say he's still on the loose.
🤥JTK Story2011: After little evidence has been found, a young boy states that he survived one of the killer’s attacks and bravely tells his story.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: which is actually not a true account, but a Creepypasta.
👦🏻JTK Story2011 Interviewee: “I had a bad dream and I woke up in the middle of the night,” says the boy, "I saw that for some reason the window was open, even though I remember it being closed before I went to bed.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Sometimes that happens. You think you remembered something but you didn't. or just remembered it wrong. Or thought you had closed the window when you actually hadn't. Or while you were sleeping, somebody else closed the window for you. It happens. But you were still dreaming.
👦🏻JTK Story2011 Interviewee: I got up and shut it once more. Afterwards, I simply crawled under my covers and tried to get back to sleep.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: We all have nights like that occasionally. Sometimes we even dream all this stuff.
👦🏻JTK Story2011 Interviewee: That’s when I had a strange feeling, like someone was watching me.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Funny how everybody gets that feeling in these supposedly scary meme stories. But it's also fairly common in dreams. Kid, you were still dreaming.
👦🏻JTK Story2011 Interviewee: I looked up, and nearly jumped out of my bed. There, in the little ray of light, illuminating from between my curtains, were a pair of two eyes. These weren’t regular eyes; they were dark, ominous eyes. They were bordered in black and… just plain out terrified me.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Black bordered eyes, as in black rings around the eyes - sounds like a raccoon to me.
👦🏻JTK Story2011 Interviewee: That’s when I saw his mouth. A long, horrendous smile that made every hair on my body stand up.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: A long snout would've made sense. but a long smile? Has this guy got super wide lips or something? How goofy looking. I can just see it. Jeff peering in with his raccoon eyes and his lips extending past the head on either side, like some weird pair of skin whiskers. Bwahahahaha!
Since the story of Jeff actually starts after this fake testimonial to his supposed scariness, It never mentions anything in the beginning about his black-ringed eyes and long smile. It only goes into that much later, after Jeff's hospitalization.
At least one of the lame spin-offs, "Jess The Killer" describes Jeff as having black eyes that are white-ringed after his near fatal attack. So talk about not being able to keep all their shisnet straight.
This isn't the first plot burp in this story. That whole intro to the neighbours and the invite to the party, and then it skips to the next day, without any mention of the party again until much later, leading the reader to assume the party had already happened, when it was actually to be the next week.
Same with this long smile and eyes business. So I'll clarify and then proceed to smash this story as if Jeff actually just had long lips and ringed eyes all along…
The supposed "long smile" the nameless boy went on about in his dream was not a smile at all. Just a nasty scar from Jeff trying to cut a great big obnoxiously goofy smile into his own cheeks. Stupid, huh?
He also burns off his eyelids - not just the lashes, but the lids. Why? So he can never close his eyes and can always look at his face hack job forever.
If you burn your eye lids off, you're going to burn your eyeballs too and go blind.
And that's not all.
Jeff has crazy fangirls. He has real ones, and fictitious ones written by real ones as a means to live out their Jeff fantasies vicariously through them. And what do those fictitious fangirls do? Become serial killers like Jeff, (*cough* Jane Richardson *cough cough*) and some of them mutilate themselves to copy Jeff's new, not-so-improved looks. (*Cough, cough* Nina, Jess/Jessie.)
The ringed raccoon eyes, that's Gary Stu territory. After all, everybody's eyes get weird like that *sneer* when they go mad… *Rolling eyes* How original. Not!
So, we're going to stick with the word of the badly made description of Jeff since this supposed account of a narrow escape was put before the actual Jeff story explaining how he looked that way and why.
This means Jeff is going to have his incredible long lips and raccoon eyes throughout this whole thing, with the addition of his cheeks being carved out and eyes being wonkier with the lids burned off by his own hand and free will coming later after he was in hospital.
Yeah, you've been warned, the story is that suckish.
Also, the Killer Jess thing happened at the same time as the original Jeff, so it will be inserted where appropriate and smashed along with Jeff original.
👦🏻JTK Story2011 Interviewee: The figure stood there, watching me.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: That's some dream.
👦🏻JTK Story2011 Interviewee: Finally, after what seemed like forever, he said it. A simple phrase, but said in a way only a mad man could speak.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes*
👦🏻JTK Story2011 Interviewee: “He said, ‘Go To Sleep.’
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: how can uttering that phrase make anyone sound mad?
You want to know how it sounds? "Go to slip" He doesn't say 'sleep' he says 'slip. He tries so hard to sound scary, and utterly fails at it. Just watch these videos. Oh, and his laugh is dumb sounding too.
Jeff vid 1
Jeff vid 2
👦🏻JTK Story2011 Interviewee: I let out a scream, that’s what sent him at me. He pulled up a knife; aiming at my heart.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: So this weirdo can't make up what little mind he's got? He tells you to go to slip, and then just expects you to go to sleep while he runs at you with a knife? Stupid.
👦🏻JTK Story2011 Interviewee: He jumped on top of my bed. I fought him back; I kicked, I punched, I rolled around, trying to knock him off me.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Bet that dream was so intense you actually made a commotion in your sleep. You sound more like you're reading a script rather than giving an interview.
👦🏻JTK Story2011 Interviewee: That’s when my dad busted in.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: As part of the dream, or to see if you were okay after hearing you from somewhere else in the house?
👦🏻JTK Story2011 Interviewee: The man threw the knife, it went into my dad’s shoulder. The man probably would’ve finished him off, if one of the neighbors hadn’t alerted the police.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: My money's on the dream continuing.
👦🏻JTK Story2011 Interviewee: “They drove into the parking lot, and ran towards the door. The man turned and ran down the hallway. I heard a smash, like glass breaking. As I came out of my room, I saw the window that was pointing towards the back of my house was broken. I looked out it to see him vanish into the distance.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: And then you woke up, safe and sound in bed.
👦🏻JTK Story2011 Interviewee: I can tell you one thing, I will never forget that face. Those cold, evil eyes, and that psychotic smile. They will never leave my head.”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Give it a while, some nightmares never stop freaking you out, but they don't come true when they're this far-fetched and likely brought on by your being scared of a meme.
I find the idea of this raccoon-eyed, long-smile dude with lips long enough to wrap around his own head pretty hilarious.
🤥JTK Story2011: Police still are on the look out for this man. If you see anyone that fits the description in this story, please contact your local police department.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: I'm not likely to run into a knife-wielding, long-lipped raccoon, and I'm definitely not calling the police over a corny Creepypasta meme.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: Here we have the first indications of suckage. It isn't that bad, but it's far from good. The first thing you might notice is how poorly the writing is executed for being a newspaper article. I'll give the author credit in that introducing the story with a flash-forward prolog of this type is a decent way to go about it. Everything about the newspaper article, though, is completely wrong.
For starters, a real news article would stick mostly to the facts. The embellishments and long, drawn out details are way out of place. The story leads us to believe that this is in the middle of an ongoing string of murders, so the newspaper might run an op-ed piece down the line, at which point this kind of writing might be better suited (though still not of this caliber.) This particular article is presented as straight news, so its style is way out of place. It also doesn't follow the inverted pyramid, which is when a journalist places all of the most important information right at the beginning and fills in the gaps as she goes on. If you look at pretty much any news article (again, not op-eds or features) you will find that the entire story is summed up in the first one-to-three sentences. The most basic details, all of the essential information that you need to now, is right there at the beginning. A real newspaper article for this event would probably look something more like this:
MAN INJURED IN STRUGGLE WITH INTRUDER
A Whereverville man was hospitalized last night with stab wounds after being attacked by a home intruder.
Police say John Doe, 34, was awoken shortly after midnight by the sound of screaming from his son's bedroom. Doe investigated to discover a man in the house threatening the son with a knife. Doe attempted to subdue the intruder, and was stabbed in the shoulder during the ensuing struggle.
Police say the attacker jumped out a window and ran when they arrived on the scene after a neighbor called 911. They were unable to locate the intruder and an investigation is still ongoing.
This incident is the third such case in recent weeks. Police say blah blah blah, so on and so forth. You get the idea.
I can understand why somebody who is not familiar with formal newswriting would not stick to proper form. What I can not forgive is the child's description of the event. It is far too detailed and artistic. This is supposed to be child recounting a bad experience. What we get instead is first-person narrative. His story is written exactly the way a narrator in book would speak, full of imagery and metaphors and even has some poetic language. There is no way that anybody would speak like that in dialog (which is what that is, being a newspaper article), but especially not a terrified little kid who just survived a homicide.
👩💻Stephanie Selby's Reboot: Excerpt from the Alpine Valley Post
SURVIVOR RECOUNTS EXPERIENCE WITH MYSTERIOUS SERIAL KILLER
Despite law enforcement’s continued efforts to solve the unexplained murders terrorizing Northern California, the perpetrator’s identity still remains a mystery. Various reports of the killer and his rumored abilities have police unable to determine his next move.
Last Thursday’s incident, the latest murder attempt, has left one young boy very lucky to be alive. Although his family asks not to reveal his name, he has bravely chosen to tell his harrowing story with us in an exclusive interview.
According to the young survivor, the killer broke into his room through an unlocked window as he slept. The boy awoke to close it, with the killer revealing himself only when the boy was drifting back to sleep.
“His face was all wrong,” said the boy. “It was awful and ugly. His skin was white and looked kinda rubbery or something, and his eyes were sunken in and colorless. The worst was his mouth; it was in this huge smile that stretched from ear to ear; much wider than any normal person could. It was like a monster out of a nightmare.”
The survivor also describes the killer as tall – approximately six feet with a slim build. At the time of the attack, he was armed with a knife and dressed in an old white hoodie and dark pants. This is consistent with the wounds of previous victims, but the survivor has more to add about the killer’s modus operandi.
“He said ‘go to sleep’,” the survivor said, “That’s when I screamed and he tried to attack me.”
The young man fought and managed to keep his attacker at bay until his father rushed in to help. Neighbors overheard the struggle and called police. It is believed that the sound of oncoming sirens scared the killer off and saved the two.
Both the boy and the father received significant knife wounds that needed medical attention. The father has already been released from the hospital, but the young boy appears to have deeper psychological issues that keep him in North Harrison Hospital.
“I’ll never forget it,” he said. “That terrible face coming out of the darkness and talking to me – that picture never leaves my head. I don’t think I’ll ever sleep again.”
Police continue their investigation of this serial killer. They ask anyone who may know of this person or his whereabouts to contact their local authorities. They also advise citizens that this killer is armed and dangerous and should not be approached under any circumstances.
By the way, this is the point where the story shifts from the article to the main story with Jeff. In the original text (without my commentary) there is nothing to distinguish this transition within the formatting. No heading, no line break, no picture, just BAM! New scene. You probably won't notice it since I have essentially created that divide here with my own writing, but when you are just reading it, it's a very abrupt change that really takes you out of the story.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Not to mention that the pasta never specified that Jeff looked any different in the story leading up to the faux news article. You only find that out later.
🤥JTK Story2011: Jeff and his family had just moved into a new neighborhood. His dad had gotten a promotion at work, and they thought it would be best to live in one of those “fancy” neighborhoods. Jeff and his brother Liu couldn’t complain though. A new, better house. What was not to love?
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: If you're Jeff, you'd easily find something not to love - like, having to share any of this newfound good fortune with anybody, including your own family members. Or maybe just having the longest lips in history, beating out others, fictional and non-fictional alike.
🤥JTK Story2011: As they were getting unpacked, one of their neighbors came by.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Uh-huh…
🤥JTK Story2011: “Hello,” she said, “I’m Barbera; I live across the street from you.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Barbera? Barbera?
yabba dabba doo!
🤥JTK Story2011: Well, I just wanted to introduce my self and to introduce my son.” She turns around and calls her son over. “Billy, these are our new neighbors.” Billy said hi and ran back to play in his yard.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Hmm, either Billy's not all that social or else he can sense something's really off with Jeff. Maybe Billy's a little put off by raccoons with long lips.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: Yes, you read that right. The middle sentence in the above paragraph is suddenly in the present tense for absolutely no reason whatsoever. Get used to that, because it's about to happen a lot. Other than that, these paragraphs are rushed, as though the author wants to show the scene but doesn't want to spend too much time on it.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Stephanie Selby's "Jeff The Killer Reboot" a re-write demonstrates better skill, but nothing will ever redeem Jeff's character as far as I'm concerned.
👩💻Reboot: With his father’s latest promotion, Jeff found his life changing dramatically. His mother had insisted on moving them all to one of those ritzy communities where house were barely distinguishable from each other and the homeowner’s association dictated how high the grass could be. Not exactly his first choice of residence, but both Jeff and his older brother Liu couldn’t complain too much. Their new home was bigger, nicer, and even had a small pool in the back. How could they ask for more?
The act of moving was a different story. Their parents orchestrated everyone’s movements, leaving Jeff and Liu to lug their things into the house as the hired movers took care of the larger furniture. The warm September day had many other people outside, and it wasn’t long before their activity drew the locals. As the movers left and Jeff’s family began bringing in the last of their belongings, a woman from across the street approached his mother, a little boy no older than seven towed behind her.
“Hi, I’m Barbara!” she said, smiling cheerfully. Her white blouse ruffled in the early autumn breeze, along with her short, curly hair; a quaint, yet unremarkable appearance. As Jeff observed, he couldn’t help but think that this woman would be forgotten in seconds if, for some reason, she inexplicably disappeared.
“Just thought I’d stop by to introduce ourselves. This is my son-” She gave the boy a slight nudge, “Billy, say hi to our new neighbors.”
“Hi,” was all he bothered to say before weaseling out of his mother’s grip and running back across the street to play in his own yard.
🤥JTK Story2011: “Well,” said Jeff’s mom, “I’m Margaret, and this is my husband Peter, and my two sons, Jeff and Liu.”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Hmm, okay, good stats for the records.
🤥JTK Story2011: They each introduced themselves, and then Barbera invited them to her son’s birthday.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Er… That's a bit hasty, isn't it? It's not as if these two families are friends yet, they're still strangers. Besides, Billy didn't seem all that interested in getting to know his new neighbours, so why Barb is being so, I dunno, a little too friendly, pushy, desperate? Meh.
🤥JTK Story2011: Jeff and his brother were about to object, when their mother says that they would love to.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Huh? why are these parents so pushy? Why are these kids so anti-social and just plain weird? the roles should be reversed if anything. Oh, but then, you're obviously not going for normal.
Having said that, you're not going for unique either.
Another story about some kid who just moved into a new, supposedly better neighbourhood.
Hmmm, who else does that sound like?
Dead Reckoning Jenny
Lisa Marie Gonzalez
Carmen Winstead and Jessica Smith
🤥JTK Story2011: When Jeff and his family are done packing, Jeff goes up to his mom.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Notice how apparently important Jeff is supposed to be? He gets named and the rest of his family are sort of an afterthought in that paragraph. "Jeff and his family" how about ". "When they were all done packing" instead?
🌩🗣LightningandIce: One of these things is not like the other: Jeff, Margaret, Peter, and Liu. As in Liu Kang. This all-American white suburbanite family gave their child a Chinese name. I could accept that if the parents were developed to be cultured, but Maggy and Pete here both have the personality of a door. I don't think this is actually the author's fault; according to Know Your Meme, the "Liu" character comes from a different "origin story" from YouTube video. It is likely that this author just lifted it from there.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Here are their origins.
👩💻Reboot: “Oh! Well it’s wonderful to meet you,” Jeff’s mother replied with a warm smile. It seemed to Jeff she was putting on her charms already. Jeff picked up the last boxes and took them to the front porch before his mother’s pleasantries would make him want to vomit.
“So what do you think?” Liu asked as Jeff walked up the steps.
As Jeff set the boxes down, he turned and looked at his mother and the neighbor as they chattered like birds. “I think she’ll be the most popular woman in the neighborhood by the end of the week,” he said with a slight hint of sarcasm.
Liu snickered. “Always the optimist, huh?”
Liu’s grin didn’t last for long though, as they both overheard what the new neighbor had to say. “You know next weekend Billy’s going to be having a birthday party. Would you and your boys like to come?”
“Of course they would love to!” their mother exclaimed. “I bet they would love to meet all of Billy’s friends!”
The boys looked on bewildered. How could their mom be getting them into this nonsense? Still, neither had time to voice their objections.
Before long she had discussed the arrangements and said her goodbyes to the other woman. As she made her way back to the house Jeff and Liu were ready to give her a piece of their minds.
🤥JTK Story2011: “Mom, why would you invite us to some kid’s party?
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Hey moron! She didn't invite you to that party, she accepted the invitation on your behalf. I agree she shouldn't have, nor should Barb have invited you, especially you, Jeffy.
🤥JTK Story2011: If you haven’t noticed, I’m not some dumb kid.”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Yes Jeff, you are a dumb kid! You are a stinking, anti-social dweeb who can't say the word 'sleep' right and your laugh sucks. Not to mention all the other stupid stunts you plow through in that video game. Then there's your origin. Your snotty attitude. All your adoring fangirls. all of that makes you a dumb kid and that's the least of it. All your sadistic acts make you far worse in my book.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: I actually like this line. It is a good show of Jeff's personality. Of course, there is the problem that a.) It was the neighbor who did the inviting, not the mom and b.) Jeff is a dumb kid. Still, it shows us that Jeff can be selfish and stuck-up. Which I'm not sure the author was going for -- judging by the tone of the story, I think we might be supposed to take it at face value and agree with Jeff.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Exactly. Which, I'm not about to do.
🤥JTK Story2011: “Jeff,” says his mother, “We just moved here; we should show that we want to spend time with our neighbors.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: You don't owe your neighbours a thing. It's one thing to be good neighbours and friendly toward people who welcome you. But You and Barb were entirely too forward on your first meeting, it just seems a bit forced to me.
🤥JTK Story2011: Now, we’re going to that party, and that’s final.”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Margaret, If a kid doesn't want to go to a party or have one, don't make him.
🤥JTK Story2011: Jeff starts to talk, but stops himself, knowing that he can’t do anything. Whenever his mom says something, it’s final. He walks up to his room and plops down on his bed.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, my heart just bleeds. Not.
🤥JTK Story2011: He sits there looking at his ceiling when suddenly, he gets a weird feeling.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, wow, is this gonna turn into a corny song? Okay I'll add to it - instead of chillin' he goes for killing'.
🤥JTK Story2011: Not so much a pain, but… a weird feeling. He dismisses it as just some random feeling.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Yawn* You can't even describe it, so why should I care? And yeah of course it would be 'random' everything is 'random' and 'randomness with this demo.
🤥JTK Story2011: He hears his mother call him down to get his stuff, and he walks down to get it.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Twiddles thumbs*
🌩🗣LightningandIce: Yup, that's definitely what she said all right. It's also what a million other mother's might say when their author's only write in cliches.
This paragraph has a ton of a flaws that I could analyze all day, but I'm going to focus on one big one right now. Every once in a while, the author will dumb down the narration. He will describe something very conversationally when it doesn't really fit that tone. Notice the sentence I underlined. Even ignoring the incorrect use of the ellipsis, that description is extremely awkward. The only time that wording would work is when I person was trying to describe something to another person, not a third-person narrator with a reasonably distant voice describing a major event. It's almost like the author didn't know how to describe something, so he shifted tone for only one single sentence in order to make it spooky.
That is not only awkward to read, it's also cheating.
👩💻Reboot: “Mom, what the he||?” Liu asked annoyed as they entered their new home. “Why’d you invite us to some little kid’s party?”
“Don’t ya think we’re a little too old to befriend that kid anyway?” Jeff added in agreement.
“Both of you stop complaining – and don’t use that word Liu!” their mother replied. Liu sighed and rolled his eyes.
Jeff’s mother stared he sons down as she made her point. “Boys, we just moved here; it’s important that we make a good first impression as soon as possible. More of our neighbors and other people in the community are likely going to be at that party. It’s vital that we all be there to show that we’re a good family. I’m not going to end up some kind of social pariah, and neither are the rest of you. We’re going to that party and that’s final.”
Neither son made an effort to reply. Living their entire lives with her, they knew when it was futile to argue when she was this determined. Liu turned went inside, slamming the door behind him. Jeff kept his head down and slowly followed.
“You’re going to be living here for a while guys,” she called after them. “You need to start fitting in!”
* * *
Jeff plopped himself on his bed and stared at the ceiling for the longest time. Oftentimes, all he needed was a little peace and quiet to quiet his angry moods like the one he had right now, but this time the feelings lingered longer than he liked. When things were like this he could get himself into real trouble – the kind of trouble that his mother didn’t like discussing with others.
When he was a kid his moods were harder for him to control. Jeff’s dad once found several dead songbirds hidden in his sock drawer. That’s when he had to go see Dr. Radcliffe for a while. He didn’t want to repeat that experience anytime soon.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Scowl* The old idea that would-be killers practice on animals first, animal rights activists love to use this idea to discourage hunting and fishing because they claim it turns people into monsters. Besides, it's just one more reason to hate Jeff.
👩💻Reboot: Luckily the mood soon abated and Jeff rose to finish unpacking his things. The work helped as well, and he became so engrossed in his task that he almost didn’t hear his mother call him for dinner.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: At this point, Jess The Killer, the pasta fanfic character makes her less than grand entrance.
😈Jess Story: Jess was an ordinary girl with an ordinary life, that is, until a new kid arrived on her street.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Big whoop-dee-freakin' do.
😈Jess Story: It was the weekend when they moved in and Jess had been walking down the street just thinking about random things
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: of course, *Rolling eyes* everything's always 'random' with fangirls. They don't just daydream like normal people, they are thinking "random" things. "Random" and "randomness" are so over-used with this demographic that it's no longer random.
😈Jess Story: when she saw him...
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Instantly, your heart - whoops, you don't have one of those… Let's see. Well, whatever it is in place of a heart, went pitter-patter pound pound pound, you got all weak in the knees, as well as in the head, because you're taken over by this ginormous crush.
😈Jess Story: He was the most beautiful boy she had ever seen with the most piercing blue eyes and lovely brown shoulder length hair.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Scowl* Gah! how shallow. Typical fan-brat.
😈Jess Story: It was love at first sight.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: no, Jess, it was your hormones gone totally out of control. It was infatuation…Not love.
😈Jess Story: From then on she would walk by that house every day, hoping he would notice her, see her, speak to her... something. She would dream about him, think about him, talk about him, everything.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Becoming an obsessive, moaning nutcase, and a real bore to be around. And Jess, you apparently weren't even introduced, now that is really pathetic and weak.
🤥JTK Story2011: The next day,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: So what was the point of it all so far? So they survived the party. Goody. *Yawn*
🤥JTK Story2011: Jeff walks down stairs to get breakfast and gets ready for school.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Yawn*
🤥JTK Story2011: As he sat there, eating his breakfast, he once again got that feeling.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Ugh! The writing, it burns! You keep flip-flopping from past to present tense! And can we cue that "More Than A Feeling" song?
🤥JTK Story2011: This time it was stronger. It gave him a slight tugging pain, but he once again dismissed it.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Probably just stretched his lips the wrong way…
🤥JTK Story2011: As he and Liu finished breakfast, they walked down to the bus stop.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Hold it! They walked to the bus stop as they finished breakfast, not a good amount of time after? They were walking along, crunching on the last crust of toast, shovelling the last bit of cereal into their mouths, chugging the last gulp of milk/juice/water as they were sauntering along to the bus stop?
😈Jess Story: One day while waiting for the bus Him and his brother walked up.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Yawn*
😈Jess Story: Jess was actually a really shy girl.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, wow, what do you know, yet another "shy" kid. Because it's so cool to be shy. Actually, pointing it out like that and then not following through with it, or exaggerating it in the behaviour is really Mary Sue.
Jeff is already a Gary Stu, so Jess, you're a Mary Sue of a Gary Stu.
😈Jess Story: So she blushed and hid.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: If you're coming apart that much, Jess, you're not fit to cope with life out in public.
At this point, Jane Arkensaw The Killer also comes in with her silly backstory that she claims takes place at the same time, just like Jess.
👩🎓Jane A.: When I heard that a new family had moved in across the street, I wasn't that surprised. It was a nice neighborhood, and the house was relatively cheap considering where it was. I guess I was about 13-14 when everything went to hell.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: So then you're around Jeff's age. Good to know... *Sneer*
Note: I thought there was only one Jane The Killer, and pegged her to be a lot older than Jeff.
There are two Janes, but Arkensaw is Jeff's age, and she is not the one who fantasizes she's killing Jeff when she kills her victims. That is Jane Richardson, and she is older than Jeff by a decade.
👩🎓Jane A.: I never really talked to Jeff when he moved in. To be frank I never talked to him until... that night. But it's too soon to talk about that now.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: How could you get near him anyway with Jess The Killer clinging to him like snot? Besides, I don't care who you decided to talk to or not. So cut the whole "Look at me, I'm so cool." self-important tripe. I'm neither intimidated nor impressed.
👩🎓Jane A.: My first impression of Jeff was that he was a good kid. Probably got nice grades, rarely got into fights, maybe even a cool guy if he opened up to someone.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Pfft* he was a stuck up, moody, belligerent brat, too busy entertaining thoughts of killing things and people to make good grades.
👩🎓Jane A.: His brother Liu, seemed like he put family first by the way he sat with his brother on the sidewalk. Of course I was just guessing at the time and really didn't put much thought into my analysis because I was getting ready for school when I looked out the window and I was running late, which was unusual for me at that time in my life because I was hardly ever late for anything. Especially school.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: right. I don't buy that. I don't care what you claim you were like as a schoolgirl. It's what you are that matters.
Naturally Liu would be sitting with his brother since both were going to the same school and both were newcomers. Duh.
🤥JTK Story2011: They sat there waiting for the bus, and then, all of a sudden, some kid on a skateboard jumps over them, only inches above their laps. They both jump back in surprise. “Hey, what the he||?”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf:Ugh, again with the tense muddle. And as if some skateboarder can actually go flying over someone's lap when they're sitting in a bus stop, oh, please.
🤥JTK Story2011: The kid landed and turned back to them. He kicked his skate board up and caught it with his hands. The kid seems to be about twelve; one year younger than Jeff.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Hmm, I would've put Jeff at more like 16/17 in the video game, but hey, whatever. There's no surefire way of judging one's age by appearance, especially with only a year's difference. Please, come on. There are 12 year olds who look 15, and 15 year olds who could pass for 12. In the end, who cares how old this kid is if he's so close to Jeff in age anyway?
The skateboarder is pretty unbelievable, he must be an Evian kid who aged out of the viral babies ads.
🤥JTK Story2011: He wears a Aeropostale shirt and ripped blue jeans.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: There's no accounting for taste in clothing, apparently.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: He's younger than Jeff, because little kids are stupid. Jeff is much smarter and cooler because he is older. Also, this kid shops at Aeropostale, which is where all stupid shallow preppy popular kids go. Not like us cool kids, we only shop at Hot Topic.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Hahahaha! Love that sarcastic burn on Jeff! *Grin*
👩💻Reboot: The next morning began with Jeff and his brother getting ready for their first day at their new school. Their mother was frantic, trying to get them ready before she had to leave for her own errands. Apparently Liu had awoken late and was still getting dressed when Jeff had come down to the kitchen for breakfast, as he could hear the two bicker all the way upstairs.
“Honestly Liu, is it really that hard to set your alarm?” he heard his mother ask. Knowing her, she was probably picking at Liu’s clothes and hair, making sure everything was in place.
Jeff could hear his brother as well. “Mom, stop! It’s fine! My hair is fine! Would you just leave me alone?”
Not long after Liu stomped down the stairs, toothbrush in mouth and buttoning up his shirt.
“So how are you this morning?” Jeff asked with a hint of sarcasm.
Liu pulled the toothbrush out of his mouth, spat in the kitchen sink, and began pulling a box of Pop-Tarts from off the shelf. “Could definitely be better,” he replied in a bitter tone. “Watch out: Mom’s being a mega wench (edit) today.”
The two fell silent as their mother quickly paced her way into the room, putting on a diamond earring in one ear. The business suit she wore was a bright red. Being a real estate agent herself, she did everything she could to get the attention of buyers and sellers alike; wearing bright colors was just one of her strategies. All it ever did for Jeff was make him think of blood, like she was some kind of ravenous predator.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Scowl* Because his mind is always going in that direction, because that's exactly what he wants to be.
Jeff’s father had already left for work, so at least he was spared from the nonsense. Jeff wished that he could just get his morning routine over with and leave. But he knew his mom would flip if she realized that he had left without inspecting him as well. She wouldn’t like Jeff leaving without the protection of his older brother either.
As he sat at the table, his mother gave Jeff a good look-over, and a sharp tsk of disappointment escaped her.
“Did you really have to wear that shirt today Jeff?” she asked as she walked over to him. She put a hand into his hair shaking her head. “Ugh, I should have taken you somewhere to get a haircut. It’s getting way too long. You’re starting to look like a damn hippie.”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: That's the least of it when it comes to this loser. But she is also getting on my nerves.
👩💻Reboot: His mother’s criticisms was starting to get to him. As he ate his cereal, he started gripping his spoon more and more tightly. It wasn’t until he pulled his fingers around the handle into a fist that he realized what he was doing.
Suddenly Jeff was gripped with the idea to shove the spoon into his mother’s eye socket. Her screams echoing in his head. He could imagine the wet sucking sound as he scooped her eye out, leaving nothing but a bloody hole in the side of her face.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Because Jeff is a repulsive, sadistic piece of filth, and this is what he loves to fill his rotten mind with. *Scowl*
👩💻Reboot: This was only fantasy, yet it was one that managed to surprise even him. He was aware he was prone to such flights of fancy, yet he had never had such an intense desire to act until this very moment. He grunted, shifting away from his mother’s hand.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Because he would kill her on another day, very soon, and in a much sloshier, messier way. *Glare*
👩💻Reboot: She sighed and left the room, saying nothing else to either Jeff or Liu. Most likely, she was content to ignore the two for now and move on with the rest of her day. Jeff shifted uncomfortably in his seat as he tried to push the images from his mind. He held his spoon properly and finished his cereal in haste.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: There's nothing quite so repulsive as a sadist stuffing face. *Disgusted expression, looks about to throw something*
👩💻Reboot: “Come on, Jeffy,” Liu said as he slapped his brother on the back. “The bus is going to get here really soon. I don’t want to have to get mom to drive us if we miss it.”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Eckh. I get it. Mommy Margaret is a real piece of work.
👩💻Reboot: Jeff grunted and gulped down the last of his cereal. “I’m coming, I’m coming,” with little enthusiasm. “Just don’t leave me here to rot.”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Right, there's no danger of that happening, Jeff, not with all the attention and doting your family heaps on you. *Disdainful look*
👩💻Reboot: Jeff and Liu waited at the bus stop with the exact same enthusiasm as criminals being carted off to the county jail. The sky above was a pale grey, and a sharp chill was in the air, reminding them that autumn was truly on its way. Liu sat on the curb while Jeff, thinking it too cold to sit on the concrete, choose to lean on the pole of the bus sign.
Drowsy, Jeff could feel himself nodding off in his boredom. Just another day in his insufferable life. So often he felt like this was the default emotion, every moment was some state of boredom that enveloped him like a cloud of smoke. And yet…
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Because such is the sucky state of emotions for sadists, trolls, and immature little fangirl/boys. "I'm bored. I'm bored. I'm bored. World! Entertain me right this minute!" *Hiss&rolling eyes* Oh, boo-hoo, Jeff, boo-hoo.
I told you going in-depth with a rewrite would only make me hate Jeff even more, didn't I?
👩💻Reboot: Suddenly, Jeff snapped his eyes open. The sound of something rolling was sudden, and shook him from his melancholy.
The source of it was soon realized, as a young skateboarder zoomed by and jumped directly over Liu’s lap. Liu must have had only a fraction of a second to lean back and prevent his face from colliding with the board.
“crap!” Liu yelled, springing to his feet.
The skateboarder spun himself around, stopped, and kicked his board up. He seemed to take stock of Jeff and Liu with a look of satisfaction.
🤥JTK Story2011: “Well, well, well. It looks like we got some new meat.” Suddenly, two other kids appear.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Scowls at these kids*
🤥JTK Story2011: One is super skinny and the other is huge.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes contemptuously* Not cliche at all… *pfft*
😈Jess Story: She watched them from behind a tree when 3 boys she recognized as the school bullies. Her eyes widened.... what if they hurt him.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Of course they were. Gotta have bullies in just about every story… *Rolling eyes*
🤥JTK Story2011: “Well, since you’re new here, I’d like to introduce ourselves, over there is Keith.” Jeff and Liu look over to the skinny kid. He has a dopey face that you would expect a sidekick to have. “And he’s Troy.” They look over at the fat kid. Talk about a tub of lard. This kid looks like he hasn’t exercised since he was crawling.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Okay, I would've thought the big kid was the sidekick. Oh well, still sickeningly cliche setup anyway.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: Ah yes, our antagonists. What? You didn't think the villain in the horror story would be the serial killer, did you? That's just silly!
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Lol! Ah but you see, it's like totally the in thing now to give every scumbag serial killer a sad "I was bullied/abused/victimized!" backstory in an attempt to make their own actions later on seem to be a little less scummy, or even worse, excusable. Bleh.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: A lot of things in this universe happen very suddenly, don't they? That's a word that's been tossed around a lot so far,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Yes, and I always disliked it. There is only one universe. I prefer to use the words 'setting' or 'world' or even 'scape.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: but right there are some of the worst examples. How the heck (Edited) do two human beings just suddenly appear? Either Jeff possesses the observational skills of Helen Keller, or everything in this universe can teleport.
Notice how we've known these characters for one paragraph so far and they are already the most stereotypical sidekicks you can imagine?
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Notice? I feel like I was hit over the head with a wall of bad stereotypes.
🤥JTK Story2011: “And I,” says the kid, "Am Randy.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Huh? Oh, you mean the skateboarder? You should've introduced him earlier.
🤥JTK Story2011: Now, for all the kids in this neighborhood there is a small price for bus fare, if you catch my drift.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Scowl* So we have a pile of stupid factory reject bullying and anti-social kids and their over-eager-to-make-friends parents. Pretty suckish.
Let's list some more examples of meme stories involving or mentioning bullies.
👩🎓Jane A.: I wasn't surprised when I saw Randy and his stooges go up to Jeff and Liu on that stupid skateboard of his.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: When I thought you were Richardson, I had a pretty unfriendly response, but I'll give you some Slack, Arkensaw, everything about Randy is disgusting and stupid.
👩🎓Jane A.: Randy was nothing but a bully,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: We got that.
👩🎓Jane A.: he always picked on anyone who was smaller than him.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Duh!That's generally what bullies do, pick on people who they see as having some disadvantage to them, whether it's size, status, just easy to intimidate, or are unarmed...
🤥JTK Story2011: Liu stands up, ready to punch the lights out of the kid’s eyes when his two friends pull a knife up at him.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: I was wrong, they're not just anti-social, they're absolutely psycho. Every last one of them. *Scowl*
😈Jess Story: She was kind
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Glower* Shut it! You are *NOT* kind! Not by any stretch of the imagination! *Withering glare*
😈Jess Story: and cared for the brother's safety,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Bull!
😈Jess Story: but her priority was HIM.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Snarling* How noble of you. Not.
😈Jess Story: She has never learned his name.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: And yet you were all ga-ga over him for the past couple of days. As I thought. You're hopelessly weak and pathetic.
🤥JTK Story2011: “Tsk, tsk, tsk, I had hoped you would be more cooperative, but it seems we must do this the hard way.”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Glare* That kid needs a good swift kick you know where.
🤥JTK Story2011: The kid walks up to Liu and takes his wallet out of his pocket.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Continues scowling* I hate these kids. Anyway, a wallet? Oh, come on, this is school. Kids don't take their wallets to school, even if they own such thing in this grade level…
🤥JTK Story2011: Jeff gets that feeling again. Now, it’s truly strong; a burning sensation.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: If he was a normal person and not a dumb creep trying to be Scary Stu, I'd chalk that feeling down to the same one I get when I hear stories about bullying. A burning desire to take them down several pegs. But this is Jeff. he's as evil as the rest of them.
🤥JTK Story2011: He stands up, but Liu gestures him to sit down. Jeff ignores it and walks up to the kid.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: and they posture until bluffing breaks into all out violence. *Rolling eyes*
🌩🗣LightningandIce: I love the beginning of this paragraph. The author begins the introduction, breaks the quotation for a speaker attribution, then finishes the sentence. This has the effect of making the reader drag out the beginning of the sentence in their head. When I read this, I picture Randy introducing himself like a movie villain:
"And IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! Am RRRRAAAAANDYYYYYYY!"
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *LOL! No kidding! *Scoffs at the hopelessly cheesy Randy*
🌩🗣LightningandIce: Not only that, but the rest of Randy's dialog is so over the top and cliche that I can't help but hear that same tone of voice in every word he says. In my mind, Randy now has the voice of Lord Zedd.
Ocean Elf! Rofl What a messed up voice! It would serve him right. I was thinking more along the line of Angelica from Rugrats, even though she is a girl, Randy's voice, in my mind, is shrill and grating like hers, and just as full of self-importance. The kind of dweeb that just makes me want to slap across the face.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: That is not the only bad writing here, either. There is way too much going on. Consider what just happened:
-The leader introduces himself
-He threatens the brothers to give them money
-Liu gets angry
-One of the other kids pulls out a knife
-The other kid steals Liu's wallet
-Jeff gets that weird feeling again, and it's stronger this time
-Liu tries to get Jeff to calm down
-Jeff ignored him and walked up to the kid
There are at least eight major action beats in the course of five line paragraph. They are thrown at us so rapidly that none of them have time to register, so that when we are done reading the paragraph, we have no idea what just happened.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: So very well said. Ugh!
🌩🗣LightningandIce: Also, don't even get me started on the fact that the bullies are carrying around weapons and robbing people at knife point. There will be plenty of time for that later. For now, I'm imagining their knives are just boy scout-issue pocket knives with tweezers and nail files and stuff, and that the kids are just picturing it like that episode of South Park with the ninja weapons.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Ugh! Sorry, but, much as I like the voices of the characters, having watched just a little on Youtube, I do not like south Park. At all.
👩🎓Jane A.: He was even the reason why my parents drove me to school instead of the letting me take the bus like everyone else. Everyone had their lunch money or some kind of cash given to Randy and his goons because of some "toll" that he demanded from everyone.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah, already got that, Jane.
👩🎓Jane A.: We all knew Randy's group had knives and threatened to use them on us we ever told anyone about the money they took from the other kids on the block. Everyone, except the new kids they were trying the intimidate like the rest of us.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: already got that, Jane...
What I really don't get is why the heck Randy and his band of toadies were allowed to run amok. The adults should've put a stop to it. And they could have.
👩🎓Jane A.: When I saw Randy talking to them through the window I just looked away. It was wussy thing to do but. I had better things to do than watch another kid hand over his money to Randy.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Stopping it wasn't for job, though you could've told some adults, who should've stepped in and stopped it.
👩🎓Jane A.: But curiosity got the better of me and I looked up a few seconds later. What I saw left me speechless.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Why should it leave you speechless now when it failed to do so on any previous occasion? Oh, right, because of Da Super Jeff!
Final section of the reboot: “Looks like we’ve got ourselves some new sheep for the slaughter!” he said with unnerving cheer.
Jeff had made no real move at this point, but he could now observe his brother’s offender. With blonde, spiky hair the boy looked slightly younger than himself, wearing a bright orange hoodie with blue denim skater shorts. His face held a smug, crap-eating grin that didn’t quite fit with one so young. Jeff couldn’t help thinking that he looked far too much like Bart Simpson.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Haha! Randy has become this crazy mishmash of Lord Zedd and Bart Simpson! What a loser!
👩💻Reboot: “What the he|| is your problem?” Liu asked.
“Seeing as you two are new here, there are a few things you need to know,” the boy said. “My name is Randy Sutherland, the baddest (censored) in this town! I call the shots, and there’s a little toll for taking the bus in this neighborhood. Pay up or you’ll regret it.”
Unimpressed, Liu rolled his eyes. “Dude, buzz off. (Edit) Do you seriously think your little bad boy routine is supposed to scare us? You look like you just stopped peeing the bed last week! What are you gonna do? Give us a wedgie?”
“We’re too old for your bullcrap,” Jeff agreed. “Go pick on some preschool kids.”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: That's Jeff for you, what a scuzzbag.
👩💻Reboot: “Oh really?” Randy asked, unfazed. “You might want to think again, b|tch.”
Rustling came from some nearby bushes, and two much larger boys slipped out to join him. The first had a slim build, a horrid case of acne, and had a dopey, drugged look on his face. The other was a pure behemoth of blubber, with an ugly scrunched face that probably made him look angry all the time. Both looked a year or two older than Randy, which left Jeff wondering how he managed to gain so much control over them.
“These are my associates: Keith and Troy. You choose the hard way, and they’ll wipe the floor with your bloody arsehole. So what’s it gonna be? Payment or the cemetery?”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: "Associates"? Uh, I don't think he'd talk that way unless he grew up in a seriously hoity-toity rich household where everybody has their own staff and speaks a fluent Snobbish.
👩💻Reboot: Liu and Jeff glanced at each other. There was no question. It was all they needed know they would take these losers on.
🤥JTK Story2011: “Listen here you little punk, give back my bro’s wallet or else.”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Dispense with the warning, goof, and just make the thief give it back.
🤥JTK Story2011: Randy puts the wallet in his pocket and pulls a knife.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: didn't we already establish that Rotten Randy was a knife fiend?
👩🎓Jane A.: Jeff was standing now, and it looked like Randy already had what he wanted.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Uh, Jane, we've all got that.
👩🎓Jane A.: "Just sit down," I thought, "Don't be stupid".
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Too late for that advice, it seems the whole town, or at least the whole neighbourhood at this point was stupid.
🤥JTK Story2011: “Oh? And what will you do?”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Bor-ring!
🤥JTK Story2011: Just as he finishes the sentence, Jeff pops the kid in the nose.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Yawns*Nothing quite so interesting as a stupid fight between bratty psycho school kids.
😈Jess Story: They brought out knives and as she was going to run out there and try to keep him from getting hurt she saw him take the knife and beat the kids up.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: And I'll bet that really got you all mushy gushy over him inside. *Scowl*
🤥JTK Story2011: As the kid reaches for his face, Jeff grabs the kid’s wrists and breaks it. Randy screams and Jeff grabs the knife from his hand.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: So where are all the adults when this insanity goes on? With all the traffic and pedestrians etc. around, you'd think somebody would have the sense to call the police.
👩🎓Jane A.: Then I saw Jeff punch Randy in the face and break his wrist.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Jane, we already got that.
👩🎓Jane A.: "Oh my god." I whispered. Then I yelled, "You (censored) Idiot!"
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Scowl* Cut the blaspheming. And you are all idiots, except for maybe Liu.
🤥JTK Story2011: Troy and Keith rush Jeff, but Jeff is too quick. He throws Randy to the ground.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, right, superJeff. It's a bulldozer! It's a tank! No, it's - SUPER JEFF! *Mocking expression*
🤥JTK Story2011: Keith lashes out at him, but Jeff ducks and stabs him in the arm.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: oh, right, Jeff, the all invincible! What a pile of bull.
🤥JTK Story2011: Keith drops his knife and falls to the ground screaming.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Huh? Whose knife? I thought it was Randy's and Jeff just stole it. Now Keith has one as well?
Gosh these kids are all sick twists.
🤥JTK Story2011: Troy rushes him too, but Jeff doesn’t even need the knife. He just punches Troy straight in the stomach and he goes down.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, boy, how stupid! Presenting the amazing, ever-growing, bionic Jeff! Look at him get literally stronger every second he's in caveman fight mode!
Yeah, right. *Scoff*
🤥JTK Story2011: As he falls, he pukes all over.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Eww! Ever heard of TMI? Man, this story stinks.
👩🎓Jane A.: My parents ran down the stairs and asked what happened. Then they looked outside and saw what was going on. Jeff had already cut the skinny guy, I think his name was Keith, and he went down screaming. Troy only went down with a single puinch.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Jane, we already have that... You would know Keith's name for certain if you knew about Randy and Troy.
🤥JTK Story2011: Liu can do nothing but look in amazement at Jeff.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Because once Jeff gets started, he's like a raging bull in a china shop, a pack of wild animals on a kill, desperate for food, a shark feeding frenzy, a volcano erupting, once Jeffy gets into this animalistic mode, he's just stuck there, anger-addicted, and stupid out of his mind. And he likes it that way.
What a beastly brute. He'd make an excellent candidate as a spouse and child abuser in any story about him as a grown man.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: Oh by the way, Jeff is also Bruce Lee. Here we see him disarm three attackers at once, including the humorously understated breaking of limbs. And in case you didn't catch how impressive that is, the story has to draw attention to it. "Troy rushed--" er, no, I'm sorry, "rushd"-- "Troy rushd hiim too, but Jeff didn't even need the knife, because he's so badarse (edit) ain't no mud bloods (edit) gon' put him down! He was all like hiiiiyaaa dog! Yeah!" When Jeff does a pull-up, he's not pulling himself up, he's moving the wall down.
🤥JTK Story2011: “Jeff how’d you?” that’s all he says.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: But Jeff is too out of his mind and drunk on his own man stink to even hear him. He is 13, so that's around the age of puberty, which means his hormones are running wild, only for Jeff, it's an abnormally bad case of raging hormones. They are interacting with his naturally evil nature, something he either had all along or else just caught from the rest of the evil kids in this crappy story. Nah, ditch the latter, he's had this evil in him all along, going by what the reboot said about the songbirds in his dresser drawers or whatever. But these other kids have it as well. This town must be some kind of evil kid magnet, causing Jeff's family to just move there. It's some sort of unexplainable forcefield that traps adults into going there with their evil kids, where the kids get worse and worse while the adults go into a state of semi-torpor.
Yeah, that must be it.
Maybe this town was a Slender Man hideout. It would make sense given Slender Man's character.
👩🎓Jane A.: Since my house was across the street from where Jeff and his brother were sitting, with the front of the house having big windows, we saw the whole thing. Or at least I did, my parents came in after the part where Randy stole their wallet, so they didn't know the whole truth.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah, sure, whatever.
👩🎓Jane A.: It was disturbing watching Jeff fight.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: After seeing enough of Randy, you're not numb to this? I dunno, something just isn't quite adding up. Randy's fighting was stupid, but Jeff's was disturbing? Huh?
👩🎓Jane A.: He was enjoying himself too much.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Huh? And Randy wasn't enjoying himself similarly when he had the upper hand on anyone? Jeff is another Randy. The only difference is he goes on to doing what Randy would also have done if he hadn't died later on. Oops, that was a spoiler. Oh well, I don't feel bad about giving that one away.
👩🎓Jane A.: I felt a knot in my stomach like something was happening that shouldn't be,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: You should've felt that every time you knew Randy was bullying somebody.
👩🎓Jane A.: and from the look on Liu's face, Jeff didn't do this kind of thing often.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Liu was probably surprised Jeff picked on three other guys instead of him for a change... but Liu didn't know the half of it when it came to that nutcase.
🤥JTK Story2011: They see the bus coming and know they’d be blamed for the whole thing. So they start running as fast as they can.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Well, duh, they are to blame. All of them...
😈Jess Story: Him and his brother ran away as the bus pulled to a stop.
🤥JTK Story2011: As they run, they look back and see the bus driver rushing over to Randy and them.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Yawn*
😈Jess Story: Staying hidden she watches as the driver calls 911.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: And you uselessly do nothing helpful, as usual.
😈Jess Story: For some reason...she felt... joyous...happy... and sickly more in love with the boy.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Because Jeff got a sorta big special feeling, you must have one too. *Rolling eyes* But it isn't love. It's lust.
👩🎓Jane A.: Next thing I know I hear sirens and the new kids bolted out of there. The cops came around with the bus driver to check on the "victims". It seemed they were going to be alright.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Jane, we got that already.
👩🎓Jane A.: You know, considering the amount of crap kicked out of them.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: If they can dish it, they can take it.
👩🎓Jane A.: Since my parent's policy was "no cops"
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Because your dad got framed and quit the business, or so your story goes, you guys did precious diddly...
👩🎓Jane A.: So when we heard sirens we went into the backyard got into the car and left.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: As I thought.
👩🎓Jane A.: When my parents drove me to school they told me very clearly that they didn't want me talking to Jeff ever. I did not disagree with them.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: You didn't disagree outwardly. But what went on inside your head is anybody's guess.
👩🎓Jane A.: I had art first period so I didn't see Jeff until close to the end of school.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: I don't give a crap about your school schedule.
👩🎓Jane A.: I can still see the colors in my artwork if I think hard enough.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Bully for you. I don't care.
👩🎓Jane A.: But when I try to look at anything now, it all seems gray.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: That doesn't make any dang sense, and why should I care? Maybe get your eyes checked.
👩🎓Jane A.: I guess that's the price someone pays for losing their innocence.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: That has got to be the most cockeyed play for sympathy over a self-made screw-up I've heard in a while. You didn't just lose your innocence, you hucked it away to be an avenger. Though I still don't see what that has to do with your eyesight.
🤥JTK Story2011: As Jeff and Liu make it to school; they don’t dare tell what happened. All they do is sit and listen.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: And laugh inwardly at not getting caught. *Rolling eyes*
🤥JTK Story2011: Liu just thought of that as his brother beating up a few kids,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Scowl* right, absolutely fine and dandy, nothing wrong with that whatsoever, just totally cool. *Sarcasm warp50*
🤥JTK Story2011: but Jeff knew it was more.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Because it gave him a high…
🤥JTK Story2011: It was something, scary. As he got that feeling he felt how powerful it was, the urge to just, hurt someone.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: See? The sadistic creep is way into himself and having power over people.
🤥JTK Story2011: He didn’t like how it sounded,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Or so it was claimed. C'mon, he loved the whole thing.
🤥JTK Story2011: but he couldn’t help feeling happy.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: told you he's a power-hungry brute.
🤥JTK Story2011: He felt that strange feeling go away, and stay away for the entire day of school.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Well, yeah, he had his violence fix for the day. *Scornful sneer*
🤥JTK Story2011: Even as he walked home due to the whole thing near the bus stop, and how now he probably wouldn’t be taking the bus anymore, he felt happy.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Because he's an evil little turd like the rest of that lot of rotten kids.
👩🎓Jane A.: I didn't see Jeff until the final period of the day. When I did he seemed... off. At first I thought he was just faking the joy so people wouldn't suspect him for the crime that he did. But he really was enjoying himself. It wasn't because he was excited to be at school I could tell that much from him. The smile he wore looked sadistic to me. It was the smile of a madman. The second that bell rang I bolted out those doors as fast as I could. Nobody but me knew what Jeff really was. A freak.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Well, his parents knew, they just tried hard to cover it up. But it's not as if Jeff was the only sadistic freak in that school, there were Randy, Keith and Troy too.
🤥JTK Story2011: When he got home his parents asked him how his day was, and he said, in a somewhat ominous voice, “It was a wonderful day.”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah, I get it, he's pretty much a terrorist. he just hadn't managed to crash any planes in this story.
🤥JTK Story2011: Next morning, he heard a knock at his front door. He walked down to find two police officers at the door, his mother looking back at him with an angry look.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: What took the police so long? So now it finally comes out, little Jeffy is no angel.
👩🎓Jane A.: The next day seemed to be passing without incident at first. Then I saw the police car in front of Jeff's house.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Duh Jane, we got that.
👩🎓Jane A.: "Looks like they got you." I thought.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: But you turned out to be wrong.
👩🎓Jane A.: Nobody could gotten away with something like that (You know, with the neighborhood watch and everything.).
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: So why didn't they do anything about Randy long ago? Come on, Jane, those kids got away with this crap again and again. You admitted that somewhere above. Keep your crap straight.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: So Jeff beats up the bullies and takes off. The first time I read this, I thought it was pretty stupid that they wouldn't go to the police or at least tell their parents. I mean, you would think that they would want to get some help after being assaulted at knife point, and I'm pretty sure that is grounds for self-defense. At the same time, they were probably emotional and not thinking clearly, and it would look suspicious that they ran off and left a pile of bloody kids. So it's understandable. What is not understandable is what happens next.
There's that feeling again, bringing bad writing with it. The phrasing is clumsy, and there is once again way too much stuff crammed into a single paragraph. It's all capped off by Jeff's interaction with his parents the next day. Notice how subtly the author hints at Jeff's state of mind?
🤥JTK Story2011: “Jeff, these officers tell me that you attacked three kids. That it wasn’t regular fighting, and that they were stabbed. Stabbed, son!”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah, well, that was Randy the knife fiend. Jeff just used his dukes, though I wouldn't be surprised if he actually started growing knives out of his fists too. After all, he's the Super Jeff! *Rolling eyes*
🤥JTK Story2011: Jeff’s gaze fell to the floor,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Busted.
🤥JTK Story2011: showing his mother that it was true.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Now watch him try to get out of the consequences.
🤥JTK Story2011: “Mom, they were the ones who pulled the knives on me and Liu.”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Yep, but that doesn't get you off for your part, jeffy.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: Wait, what? So Jeff and Liu did tell their parents? But the parents did nothing. They did not call the police, they did not get a lawyer, nothing? Until the next day when the cops show up, at which point Margaret reacts like the neighbor just told them her kids broke a window or something.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: I didn't think they did tell. Maybe Randy's family reported it, not realizing their little darling had started it all. But I do agree, the adults in this dreck story are several bricks short of a full load.
🤥JTK Story2011: “Son,” said one of the cops," We found three kids, two stabbed, one having a bruise on his stomach, and we have witnesses proving that you fled the scene. Now, what does that tell us?"
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: That the neighbourhood is infested with psycho kids.
🤥JTK Story2011: Jeff knew it was no use. He could say him and Liu had been attacked, but then there was no proof it was not them who attacked first. They couldn’t say that they weren’t fleeing, because truth be told they were. So Jeff couldn’t defend himself or Liu.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: But he still is more sorry about getting caught than anything else.
🤥JTK Story2011: “Son, call down your brother.” Jeff couldn’t do it, since it was him who beat up all the kids.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah, couldn't have Liu confirming his big bro caught the evil bug from the other reject kids.
🤥JTK Story2011: “Sir, it…it was me. I was the one who beat up the kids. Liu tried to hold me back, but he couldn’t stop me.”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: So are these cops going to cart the whole mess of rotten kids down to jail or what? Jeff is sure playing it to the hilt, he knows full well that if he makes a confession, particularly appearing to cover up for his brother, the cops won't believe it and they'll let him off.
🤥JTK Story2011: The cop looked at his partner and they both nod.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Huh?
🤥JTK Story2011: “Well kid, looks like a year in Juvy…”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Best place for him - and all the others. But plot fail. This is not how the justice system works. Oh, silly me, I'm still thinking in terms of reality. In chain letters and creepy pastas, the police always lock up people for the heck of it, especially if those people are innocent. All it takes is the say-so of some bullies or surviving an act of violence for these dingbats to think you're the criminal. *Rolling eyes*
🤥JTK Story2011: “Wait!” says Liu. We all look up to see him holding a knife.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: hey wait, 'we' ? Who are you, and when did you actually get into the story?
Funny how suddenly knives just seem to grow out of thin air and appear in the hands of whatever character in this pile of malarkey.
🤥JTK Story2011: The officers pull their guns and lock them on Liu.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes* Jeff put him up to it, suckers and - two guns against one kid with one knife - excessive force much? This is such crap!
🤥JTK Story2011: “It was me, I beat up those little punks. Have the marks to prove it.” He lifted up his sleeves to reveal cuts and bruises, as if he was in a struggle.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Sheesh, self-harming in order to become a sacrificial lamb for that long-lipped psycho. Either Liu did that himself willingly, or more likely, Jeff threatened to hurt him badly or even kill him if he didn't. Either that or Jeff actually made the wounds on Liu and threatened he'd inflict worse unless Liu go along with his plan and just let Jeff look for all the world like the sweetest, most innocent protective brother while throwing him under the bus.
🤥JTK Story2011: “Son, just put the knife down,” said the officer.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Put down your guns, goons, and you might have a deal.
🤥JTK Story2011: Liu held up the knife and dropped it to the ground. He put his hands up and walked over to the cops.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Yawn* I'm really getting bored.
🤥JTK Story2011: “No Liu, it was me! I did it!” Jeff had tears running down his face.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: My gosh, but this guy's good! A real class act! Crocodile tears and the whole bit! *Rolling eyes* This town of halfwhits doesn't stand a chance against him!
🤥JTK Story2011: “Huh, poor bro. Trying to take the blame for what I did. Well, take me away.”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Pretty sucky arrangement, but Liu probably figures it's better than what he'd get from Jeff if he actually told the truth. He's seen Jeff mow down a few kids all at once, and probably figures he could take on those officers easily, and then get his revenge on Liu for snitching.
🤥JTK Story2011: The police led Liu out to the patrol car.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: now how much you wanna bet, Jef is all of a sudden gonna get that loving' feeling again……… *Sarcasm*.
👩🎓Jane A.: But I was wrong with who they arrested. Instead of coming out with Jeff like I expected they would, the police came out with Liu, his brother.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: No crap.
🤥JTK Story2011: “Liu, tell them it was me! Tell them! I was the one who beat up those kids!”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Are we almost there yet?
👩🎓Jane A.: I was barely forming the thought of Jeff framing his brother for the assault
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Which was exactly what he did.
👩🎓Jane A.: when he came out of the house yelling at Liu, "Liu tell them I did it!" (I was able to hear him this time because the front door was open to my house.).
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: He was still framing Liu, just going about it with a reverse psych kind of thing. A real manipulative piece of work, and you fell for it. Though to be fair, you were not the only one. The cops, even the boys' own parents fell for Jeff's martyr act, and probably thought Liu was guilty just based on his being older. Or maybe they just didn't want precious little Jeff's history to come out in the investigation. I don't know. But what was done to Liu for the sake of saving that worthless Jeff's neck is inexcusable.
👩🎓Jane A.: I couldn't hear what Liu said in reply to Jeff's outburst, but it was definitely not what Jeff wanted to hear.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Jeff was shamming the whole time. And you bought it, hook, line, and sinker, just like the rest of them.
🤥JTK Story2011: Jeff’s mother put her hands on his shoulders.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Zzzzzz
🌩🗣LightningandIce: If the poor writing, one dimensional characters, wooden dialog, third grade mechanics, and ridiculous plot twists weren't enough to convince you of this pasta's awfulness, we get this scene. Ladies and gentlemen, we are slurpin' turds now. I didn't comment through this whole because I wanted you to get the full experience. There is so much suck in the above paragraphs that I could write an entire separate blog post on this scene alone.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Sorry for interrupting the flow, such as it was, but I couldn't resist putting in my comments.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: This author has no clue how the justice system works.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: No kidding. That's meme story writing for you.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: In this situation, the police would show up and maybe even take somebody down to the station for questioning. Liu would be given a lawyer and probably let out on bail. There would be an investigation that would span weeks or even months, social services would get involved at some point, and it would all lead up to a trial or hearing when a judge, not the police, would decide if and how long he would go to juvenile hall. In this case, Liu would probably not be convicted anyway, since everything that happened was in self defense during an armed robbery.
Furthermore, it isn't like there wouldn't be people to testify. The bullies are known trouble makers. They even said it themselves: "Now, for all the kids in this neighborhood there is a small price for bus fare, if you catch my drift." These kids' activities should be common knowledge in the community. Which actually begs the question of how they were ever able to go after Jeff and Liu to begin with. If these pint-sized extortionists were really as active and violent as we are led to believe, why have the police not done anything about it? Are you trying to tell me that these kids rob people at knife point on a regular basis and nobody in the entire community has done a single flaring thing to stop it?
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: It's messed up, like so many other chain letter stories.Instead of a town idiot, it's a town of idiots.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: I'm assuming the story takes place in the United States. I don't know the inner workings of the justice systems of other modern western nations, but I assume there is generally more to them than "the cops show up and take you straight to prison without trial based entirely on hearsay."
So the cops show up looking for Jeff, but Liu steps in and takes the blame. Jeff insists it was him, but Liu picks up a knife. Now keep in mind, the text doesn't say he did anything with the knife. It doesn't say he threatened anybody or used it in any way to inflict or imply harm. He is just holding it. Well, I guess the cops really don't like knives because they draw their guns on him.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: The other thing I was thinking is since knives just seem to be showing up everywhere there are kids in this sludge, it's almost as if these kids just produce knives in the same manner stinkbugs and skunks produce their stink. Maybe these kids have special knife-production glands that enable them to shoot knives out their arms/palms, at the ready just whenever. *Snicker*
🌩🗣LightningandIce: Yes. The police draw their freaking guns on a ten year old kid who is doing nothing but holding a kitchen knife. I am not making this up. You read the text, didn't you? That really happened. The author actually wrote that happening in the story.
Liu isn't even very insistent about the crime. He's just like, "yup, it was me, see here's a knife." Meanwhile, Jeff is begging and pleading and putting every ounce of his being in the confession and all of the adults are just brushing it off.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Which is exactly what Jeff is angling for. He knows he's the favourite, or, he wants to be. Not only of his parents, but of the dumb cops as well. And he knows just how to play everyone, including Liu.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: Liu's knife has such an intimidating presence that it trumps every other aspect of this interaction. It's a good thing he wasn't slicing bread or something when the police arrived. They probably would have taken straight to the electric chair.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Rofl! Yeah. They are that stupid!
🌩🗣LightningandIce: Everything about this is so absurd that I barely even noticed all the other flaws here. The blatant grammatical errors, the poor sentence structure, the constant switching between past and present tense, the dialog that makes me want to puke. Yes, the constant bombardment of horrible writing has reached a point where I'm actually having trouble properly analyzing it, and I'm resorting to toilet metaphors to get my point across.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: I know the feeling.
🤥JTK Story2011: “Jeff please, you don’t have to lie. We know it’s Liu, you can stop.”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: See, Jef's got them all eating right out of his hand. he knew exactly which buttons to push, to get Liu to go down for him, and cry hard enough to get everyone believing Liu was at fault. The rotter really got his way with everyone this time.
🤥JTK Story2011: Jeff watches helplessly as the cop car speeds off with Liu inside.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Though he looks helpless, it's all just a cover. The creep is laughing inwardly, except that at any time, that stupid special little feeling he gets should be kicking in at any time. Soon, Jeff will be in pain withdrawal and looking for another fix.
👩🎓Jane A.: A few seconds later, the police drove off with Liu, and Jeff was left outside with his mother.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Jane, we got that already...
👩🎓Jane A.: A few minutes later she went inside the house and left Jeff outside.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: You forgot to mention Jeff's Dad.
🤥JTK Story2011: A few minutes later Jeff’s dad pulls into the drive way, seeing Jeff’s face and knowing somethings wrong.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Because Jeff knows just how to play it, just what expression to use when.
🤥JTK Story2011: “Son, son what is it?” Jeff can’t answer. His vocal cords are strained from crying.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, really? Just exactly what's that supposed to mean? That he was merely too choked up to speak because he was crying? Or that he howled harder than a toddler pitching a prolonged tantrum, so much that he literally gave himself a near case of laryngitis?
Gosh, whatever the case, he's sure heaping it on thick! he likes to hurt people. so my heart isn't bleeding for him.
🤥JTK Story2011: Instead, Jeff’s mother walks his father inside, to break the bad news to him as Jeff weeps in the drive way.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes*
👩🎓Jane A.: Although I couldn't hear him from across the street, I could tell that he was crying.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Really playing it up...
👩🎓Jane A.: But who wouldn't be in that situation.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: What happened to Liu was horrible, but it pales in comparison to the heinous stuff Jeff loves to do to people, as you eventually found out. He made people cry a lot harder and with more sincerity than a river of his own stupid crocodile tears.
🤥JTK Story2011: After an hour or so Jeff walks back in to the house, seeing that his parents were both shocked, sad, and disappointed. He can’t look at them. He can’t see how they think of Liu, when it was his fault. He just goes to sleep, trying to get the whole thing off his mind.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Bull. he can't look at them because he can't keep his grin under wraps. He can go to sleep because he and the other evil neighbourhood bullies have just ruined several lives and his excitement and pride are giving him a rush.
🤥JTK Story2011: Two days go by, with no word from Liu at JDC. No friends to hang out with. Nothing but sadness and guilt.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: That's only the beginning of Jeff's violence withdrawal setting in again. As for no friends to hang with, well, no, the kids in this town are all violent or at least antisocial creeps, and Jef and his school bully pals already had their fun with the turf war thing and trying to put one another in the hospital. No normal kid would hang with these knife-freaks and beaters.
👩🎓Jane A.: The next day rumors were spreading like wildfire about Liu. It took so long for the rumors to get started because everyone was afraid to talk about Randy getting his arse (edit) handed to him.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: One day is not long for school rumours to get started, Jane.
👩🎓Jane A.: When it was revealed that he wouldn't be coming back to school for a few days, everyone decided to take advantage of that fact and enjoy it as much as possible, and lots of random bullcrap (edit) started popping up.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Always the foul mouth. You just can't get through saying anything without sounding like a ticked off mean kid.
👩🎓Jane A.: "I heard Liu cut off Keith's arm!"
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Bull...
👩🎓Jane A.: "Oh yeah? Well I heard that Liu hit Troy so hard in the stomach that he ralphed up blood!"
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Crap.
Let's straighten this out, shall we? Jeff twisted Randy's wrist. Jeff punched Troy. Liu didn't do a thing. Oh, but everybody's stupid in this town.
👩🎓Jane A.: "That's nothing! I heard that he punched Randy so hard in nose that it came out the back of his head!" and etc, etc, etc.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Bullity crappity bullcrapity crap crap. Jeff punched Randy in the nose.
👩🎓Jane A.: Personally I didn't want anything to do with Jeff or his brother. But...
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: You just keep telling yourself that, keep on believing you'll convince me. Won't happen.
👩🎓Jane A.: he just looked so alone and upset that I had to do something.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Bollox. He was just mad at losing his liv-in punching bag, and he was milking the situation for all it was worth for sympathy. Apparently his act worked on you.
👩🎓Jane A.: So I wrote him a note telling him that he had a friend in this place
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, how touching. *Sneer*
👩🎓Jane A.: and that I was going to testify at Liu's trial about what really happened.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Huh? You were going to be his friend yet tell everyone he was really the one who delivered the supersonic beat-down on three other bullies?
👩🎓Jane A.: I left the note at his desk signed with the letter "J" before class started, then left the room.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Fine. Dandy. And that matters because? What I don't get is why you were so scared of him one day that you couldn't wait to run out of school, yet you felt sorry for him the next.
👩🎓Jane A.: When I came back Jeff was at his desk and the note was gone.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Sigh* Whatever.
😈Jess Story: After a couple of days she learns that his brother went to Juvy and that he was going to her little brother's b-day party...
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, so you are not only a Mary Sue to Jeff by having this huge, incomprehensible crush on him, but you're supposedly the big sister to that little kid Billy whose party Jeff was made to go to. So by being related to Billy, you're a Mary Sue to him as well. Wow, what a model character. Not. And wasn't that party over and done with, like a week before or something?
😈Jess Story: She was Ecstatic!
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Of course you were. *Rolling eyes*
🤥JTK Story2011: That is until Saturday, when Jeff is woke up by his mother, with a happy, sunshiny face.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Ugh, that sentence burns. So does the concept. My mom would not be looking bright sunshiny for a very long time if one of us kids got hauled off to jail. If we were innocent or not, she would be devastated either way.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: Jeff's parents are idiots. Of course, I can't blame them. The writer clearly doesn't understand how people think. Look at how casually Jeff's parents react. Are they outraged? Getting an attorney, bursting in the police station, calling the local news and throwing a fit? No. Heck, Jeff's mom apparently didn't even think this incident was important enough to warrant calling the father at work. Instead, she waits for him to get home and then "breaks the news" to him. This is how I picture that conversation going down:
"Hi, hunny, I'm home. Did anything interesting happen today?" "Well, our son was arrested at gunpoint for attempted murder and was immediately jailed without trial, but that's about it." "Gee, that's unfortunate. So what's for dinner?"
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Lol!
🌩🗣LightningandIce: Okay, so the text does say they were "shocked, sad, and disappointed." The problem is that it isn't shown to us in their demeanor, it is told to us after the fact. This is another problem with story, the concept of show vs tell. What that means is that most of a story, but especially the most important parts, should be written so that the reader experiences it in real time, like we are there. On a more specific scale, the author should describe the things happening so that the readers can observe it and draw conclusions for themselves instead being blatantly told what the characters (or even the readers themselves) are supposed to be thinking.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Hahahaha Yeah! *Cough, cough* Twilight. *Cough cough*
🌩🗣LightningandIce: On the other end of the spectrum, some things should be glossed over. Maybe some long-past exposition, or the actions of a minor character, a really slow event, or one that moves the story along but the minute details aren't especially exciting or important.
This story just jumps all over the place. On top of that, the only character who is given enough attention to "show" anything is Jeff himself. The story is written in a third-person-limited POV, but even first-person POV stories at least describe other characters. Anything that any other character does that doesn't directly involved Jeff is some way is glossed over. Jeff is such a Mary Sue that the narration itself doesn't care about anything besides him.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Bang on! That's exactly what's going on here.
🤥JTK Story2011: “Jeff, it’s the day.” she says as she open’s up the curtains and lets light flood into Jeff’s room.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: The day for what? not another party that Jeff doesn't want to go to again… *Rolling eyes*
🌩🗣LightningandIce: Yes, it's the day. Before it was the night, but now it is the morning. Would you like to come to the downstairs and eat the breakfast before the noon?
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Grin*
🤥JTK Story2011: “What, what’s today?” says Jeff as he stirs awake.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Yawn*
🤥JTK Story2011: “Why, it’s Billy’s party.” Jeff is now fully awake.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: say what? I thought that was last week? Sheesh, you sure suck at plot continuation!
🤥JTK Story2011: “Mom, you’re joking, right? You don’t expect me to go to some kid’s party after…” There’s a long pause.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: You know, I was wondering where Billy was during that whole bus stop bang-up. There was no mention of him after the first initial few scenes of this dumb story.
🤥JTK Story2011: “Jeff, we both know what happened. I think this party could be the thing that brightens up the past days. Now, get dressed.” Jeff’s mother walks out of the room and walks down to get ready herself.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Geesh, what an absolutely vapid character!
Yeah, anybody want to move to this town, where all the adults are more than a few hinges short of a hoosegow gate and the kids are all violent creeps who would kill one another and their own families for a dime?
🤥JTK Story2011: Jeff fights himself to get up.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Giving himself even blacker rings around his eyes and a good tug on his long lips. No one else around to beat up, so he gives it to himself, that's how pathetic this bullying drip is.
🤥JTK Story2011: He picks out a random shirt and pair of jeans and walks down stairs.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Again with the 'random' and paint dries somewhere.
🤥JTK Story2011: He see’s his mother and father all dressed up; his mother in a dress and my father in a suit.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Eh? Your father? When did you and your parents become part of this?
🤥JTK Story2011: He thinks, why they would ever wear such fancy clothes to a kid’s party?
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Because all the adults in your whole pathetic story, Jeffy, are too desperate to make a great first impression - especially after the bus stop bedlam. They're not trying to impress the kids, they're trying to impress other parents.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: How do you "pick out" a random shirt? To pick something out means it is deliberately selected, which is the exact opposite of random. I assume this means he just grabbed a shirt out of his closet without paying attention, but if that's the case, he didn't pick it out. Alternatively, maybe the "random" aspect is a quality of the shirt rather than his actions. Maybe the shirt magically changes color and pattern of its own accord with no rhyme or reason, making it a random shirt. Yeah, I like that explanation. For the rest of this scene, I'm just going to picture Jeff wearing a shirt that is perpetually transforming.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Lolol! Yeah! Heck, if these kids can just produce knives out of their arms or butts or whatever whenever they jolly well feel like, a color-changing shirt should be no problem!
🌩🗣LightningandIce: Also, that last sentence is not phrased as a question.
🤥JTK Story2011: “Son, is that all your gonna wear?” says Jeff’s mom.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes* Gah! So freaking predictable!
🤥JTK Story2011: “Better than wearing too much.” he says.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Annoyed, unamused expression*
🤥JTK Story2011: His mother pushes down the feeling to yell at him and hides it with a smile.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: It's not worth yelling about anyway.
🤥JTK Story2011: “Now Jeff, we may be over dressed, but this is how you go if you want to make an impression.” says his father.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: See? That's what it's all about. I said as much, didn't I?
Though Jeff's sure to make an impression, nothing was said about it being a good one…
🤥JTK Story2011: Jeff grunts and goes back up to his room.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Twiddles thumbs* Now we get treated to a big song and dance on Jeff agonizing over what to wear. The only good thing I can say about that as at least he's not a girl. It's usually just girls getting this sort of activity in such fourth-rate stories.
🤥JTK Story2011: “I don’t have any fancy clothes!” he yells down stairs.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Shut your trap, Jeff, nobody cares!
🤥JTK Story2011: “Just pick out something.” says his mother.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Duh! He already did. You didn't like it!
Gosh this is mind-numbing!
🤥JTK Story2011: He looks around in his closet for what he would call fancy. He finds a pair of black dress pants he had for special occasions and an undershirt. He can’t find a shirt to go with it though. He looks around, and finds only striped and patterned shirts. None of which go with dress pants. Finally he finds a white hoodie, just lying on a chair and puts it on. He walks down stairs to find his parents are all ready.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Fine, , swell, dandy. Ask me if I care. Tell me why I should.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: Oh. Never mind about the shirt then, I guess. What was the point of that? Seriously, what does this whole wardrobe fiasco add to the story? This is one of the longest scenes in the story, and it's about Jeff putting on a sweatshirt. My guess is the intended purpose here is to paint Jeff as being awkward, that he doesn't quite fit in with his parents. The problem is that this is one of the most asinine possible ways to show it. Furthermore, it makes the parents out to be complete buffoons while showing Jeff to be an entitled little brat. Which is exactly what they are, except it's not done in a good way. The reason these characters come off like that is not because they are intentionally being developed as such but because the story is doing a poor job at actually building three dimensional personalities.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: True. But nevertheless, Jeff is a self-entitled brat.
😈Jess Story: Maybe if she tried her best to look beautiful he would at least glance at her...maybe she could find out his name!
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, pass me a bucket, I feel like barfing.
😈Jess Story: It's the day of the party and she dressed up in her most beautiful dress and wore pretty decorated sandals and did her hair up all nice and pretty. She put on make-up and everything.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: And you ended up looking like someway over-done brat trying too hard to impress somebody with your looks. Gah.
😈Jess Story: She looked...beautiful.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Aaaaaaagh! Another girl hung up on "beautiful" *Facepalm*
So now that the big What not To Wear subplot has, hopefully, been wrapped up, whatever will happen next? *flat expression*
🤥JTK Story2011: “You’re wearing that?” they both say.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Incredulous snicker* I did say 'hopefully'…
🤥JTK Story2011: His mother looks at her watch. “Oooh, no time to change. Let’s just go.” She says as she herds Jeff and his father out the door.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Sheesh, what a domineering ol' boot.
🤥JTK Story2011: They cross the street over to Barbera and Billy’s house. They knock on the door and at it appears Barbera, just like his parents, way over dressed.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: Of course they are all over dressed, because that's how grown-ups act in real life, right?
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Not surprising. It seems all adults - or at least all that are established parents in this story, have been given the same mind chip. They are all programmed to act the same way.
😈Jess Story: As she was walked outside she saw him standing with his mother.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Yawn*
😈Jess Story: she then hears her call him Jeff.... Jeff.... she loves that name.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes* He could've been named something like Helmsley or Marmaduke and you would still claim to love his name, because to you, this boy is just so incredibly awesome. *Sneer* I'll bet you're just tickled pink sparkles that the only difference between his name and yours in these abbreviated forms, are his ending with 'f' and yours with 's'.
😈Jess Story: She then tries mustering up her courage and she walks up to him. "H-Hi.." She says nervously.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Because I'm supposed to believe a raving hormonal fangirl brat who ends up being a cold-blooded killer, is so timid and shy, yeah, no.
And Jeff, being Jeff, barely notices.
😈Jess Story: He nods in acknowledgment and says a small hi and she almost melts.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf:*Cough, cough* He probably thinks you're way over-dressed too. That's if he even notices you, which I doubt.
😈Jess Story: His voice so deep and growly
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: The growliness is just due to Jeff being his annoying, mopey, pouty, sulky, brat self, because he doesn't want to be at the party. But his voice sure isn't deep, at least, not in that stupid video game.
😈Jess Story: it makes her want to become a puddle.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh my gosh, you seriously just said that… Sheesh, somebody sure needs to get a grip.
🤥JTK Story2011: As they walk inside all we can see is adults, no kids.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Because he already forgot Jess the Killer Kid is there, trying to stick to him like glue and hide from everybody all at the same time. And where's Billy? Hiding in his room? Wouldn't surprise me, he was a pretty anti-social dud anyway.
🤥JTK Story2011: “The kids are out in the yard. Jeff, how about you go and meet some of the kids?” says Barbera.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, that'd go real well, Jeff hates all other kids…
🤥JTK Story2011: Jeff walks outside to a yard full of kids. They’re running around in weird cowboy costumes, and shooting each other with plastic guns. He might as well be standing in a Toys R Us.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: So, we never found out Billy's age - or if Billy is even there with these other kids. It's pretty clear by now that Jeff hates all kids, but especially doesn't want to associate with any who are or seem to be considerably younger than him. And so much for his parents' idea of dressing him up. Though I doubt trying to get him into a cowboy outfit would've gone over well. He would've shot his parents… And then the gun and bullets wouldn't have been toys.
🤥JTK Story2011: Suddenly a kid comes up to him and hands him a toy gun and hat.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: Aren't I so cool? I don't have time for stupid baby things like Toys 'R Us. That crap is for babies, and I'm almost thirteen! Also, there's another human being suddenly appearing. The kid was playing on the other side of the yard and BAMF! Wanna pway?
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Obviously that kid has no idea about Jeff, or how kids Jeff's age act in this town. But he's been given a different database of traits, being much younger, I guess.
🤥JTK Story2011: “Hey, mitsew. Wanna pway?” he says.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, boy, it's obvious these kids are way, WAY younger.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: OH MYLANTA HE ACTUALLY DID IT. THE WRITER ACTUALLY JUST TYPED OUT THE WORD "PWAY."
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: LOL! The rotten writing and this reaction gave me such a laugh attack I had to stop reading and wipe my eyes!
Whatever made these brain-dead parents get the idea that a 13-year-old would want to play like a four-year-old? Oh, that's just it, they're brain-dead. And if they thought Jeff would be a good sitter/supervizer? Hah! That's a laugh!
🤥JTK Story2011: “Aah, no kid. I’m way too old for this stuff.”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Right on the nose again. Funny how often that happens. I just knew Jeff was going to make a big show of how much older he was and how totally awesome he thinks that is.
🤥JTK Story2011: The kid looks at him with that weird puppydog face.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Surely it's no weirder than Jeff's long-lipped smile - or - pout, or whatever the freaking heck he's doing now.
🤥JTK Story2011: “Pwease?” says the kid.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Argh! there are other kids to play with, why doesn't the tot just take his gun and hat and rejoin his pals?
🌩🗣LightningandIce: As mentioned above, this is really stupid. I want to rant about it, but just isn't worth it.
🤥JTK Story2011: “Fine,” says Jeff.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: This should be a new paragraph. Actually, every other sentence should be a new paragraph, but this is the most obvious.
🤥JTK Story2011: He puts on the hat and starts to pretend shoot at the kids.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: But let me guess, that lovely feeling of wanting to hurt people comes over him again, and eventually all heck breaks loose.
🤥JTK Story2011: At first he thinks it’s totally ridiculous, but then he starts to actually have fun.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: of course. even play-shooting brings out the beast in this loser.
🤥JTK Story2011: It may not be super cool, but it’s the first time he’s done something that takes his mind off of Liu.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Only because he's suffering from Lieu Punching Bag withdrawal. For now, he's got some other kid to at least pretend to hurt…
🌩🗣LightningandIce: This is that clumsy, half-conversational tone that keeps popping up.
👩🎓Jane A.: Saturday rolled around and I was home alone while my parents were at work. The kid next door was having a birthday party. At the time I left my window open because I wanted a nice breeze in my room while I did my homework.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Yawn*
👩🎓Jane A.: But the kids were getting so loud that I decided to close my window.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Whatever. Blah.
👩🎓Jane A.: I was about to close it when I saw Jeff playing with the kids. He was running around wearing one of those fake cowboy hats and carrying a toy gun. He looked so ridiculous I had to laugh.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: He looks even more ridiculous later on. But what's actually a little funny about this is watching him be humbled by some little kids. For all his "Look at me, I'm too old and too cool for little kid parties!" he actually deserves a snicker over this.
👩🎓Jane A.: "Maybe he isn't the monster I think he is." I thought, ashamed of myself for suspecting he could have been one.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: You saw for yourself how monstrous he could be, and that was just the tip of a very ugly iceberg. Being made to play with little kids for show at some party doesn't change that.
🤥JTK Story2011: So he plays with the kids for a while, until he hears a noise.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: That doesn't make any sense. Were there not plenty of noises while playing? Is this actually some kind of mime party, everything was completely silent until there came one noise? Did Jeff just stop dead the instant he heard it? Obviously Jeff just heard something odd that diverted his attention, but this sentence makes it sound as though he just froze at some random noise. I'm picturing Jeff as some small animal - a chipmunk, maybe - going stealthily about it's business, hearing a rustling in the bushes, then snapping to attention.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: LOL! Presenting Jeff, the knife-squirting, long-lipped, shirt-changing, super-sonic-eared chipmunk!
🤥JTK Story2011: It’s a weird rolling noise.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Tinnitus? Sorry, that's ringing, not rolling. Oh well,. I give up. This story is sapping my will to live.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: What exactly is a "rolling" noise? I've heard thunder described as "rolling," but "rolling" itself is not a noise.
🤥JTK Story2011: Then it hits him.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: What hit him? The noise?
🤥JTK Story2011: Just as it does Randy, Troy, and Keith all jump over the fence on their skateboards.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: Ah, okay, I get it now. The reason it was a rolling sound is because that's exactly what it was. No, you can't do that. That is cheating. If you are going to be vague and build suspense about the noise, you can't describe it by saying exactly what it is. That's like saying:
I looked out my window and saw an odd shadow. I couldn't tell what it was, but it was shaped kind of like a masked serial killer holding a machete. So I shined a light on it, only to reveal that it was a maked serial killer holding a machete!
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Hahahaha!
🌩🗣LightningandIce: There's another thing that bothers me about that sentence. How did the bullies jump over a fence? Let's think about this. I don't know how high the fence is, but it had to be tall enough that Jeff couldn't see them coming (then again, with the way people teleport around in this universe, you never know.) Now these kids are stated to be around twelve years old, so even if we are conservative about their heights, I assume the fence would have to be at least five feet tall. Furthermore, I don't know what is on the other side of the fence, but considering this is an average suburban neighborhood, I think it's safe to say that it's not a huge ramp aimed directly at private property.
So in other words, these kids just did an even more ridiculous version of this:
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: There, those whacky bullies apparently have superpowers too, like magically healing themselves, and, instead of using conventional witch's broomsticks, they fly on skateboards…
Ah! They must be warlocks!
But even so, their showing up at this party makes no sense. Neither Jeff nor Liu brought up the subject at the big bus stop brouhaha. So Randy rat, Troy Troll and Keith Creep aren't likely to care about going to some little kids' party let alone jump to the conclusion Jeff is at this one. This stinking story doesn't make any dang sense.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: All right. With the reappearance of the bullies, we are getting to our climax.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf:Such as it is, and we can only hope.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: This is the final showdown, the end battle. Get ready, people, because we are about the crank the diarrhea dial up to eleven.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: ROTFLOL! Oh, reading another smash is so good for me! I feel my will to live returning.
😈Jess Story: Then the same bullies from a while back came in harboring guns.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: No, they didn't, they hopped a fence into the backyard, and they had skateboards, not guns…Yet…
👩🎓Jane A.: As I was closing the window, I saw Randy, Keith, and Troy jump over the fence on their skateboards to where Jeff was.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Got it, Jane, got it.
👩🎓Jane A.: "Not again!" I said to the open window.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: No crap. And what did you expect the window to do in reply, shut itself?
🤥JTK Story2011: Jeff drops the fake gun and rips off the hat.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Rips it off? When simply taking it off his head would do? What? Did Jeff grow sticky hair or something?
🤥JTK Story2011: Randy looks at Jeff with a burning hatred.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: of course, that's all he's been programmed to feel.
👩🎓Jane A.: I saw Randy and Jeff exchange small talk but I couldn't hear what they said over the sound of the kids yelling and screaming.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: This is what went on for small talk, Jane.
🤥JTK Story2011: “Hello, Jeff is it?” he says. “We have some unfinished business.”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: hey rathead Randy! you already did the abracadabra thing and healed yourself, so get over it and your stupid self and get some kind of a life! Also, stop talking like a middle-aged movie villain.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: This writer has no idea how paragraphs work. That is actually making it hard to comment on individual issues because I don't want to break up a paragraph but each one has about eight million different things wrong with it.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: That's for sure. This story is painfully irritating just from that alone. Then there's everything else. Ugh.
🤥JTK Story2011: Jeff sees the bruised nose on his face." I think we’re even. I beat the sh|t (edit) out of you, and you get my brother sent to JDC."
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: hey pinhead Jeff! You are to blame for that! Randy is to blame for starting it back at the bus stop, but you are to blame for Liu's arrest, and you know it.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: Paragraphs! You're doing them wrong! (And lot's of other things, too.)
🤥JTK Story2011: Randy gets an angry look in his eye.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Huh? So now Randy's mellowed out from burning hatred to merely angry?
🤥JTK Story2011: “Oh no, I don’t go for even, I go for winning. You may have kicked our arses (edit) that one day, but not today.”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Winning, well, Randy, you are a disgusting, power-tripping, over-competitive, narcissistic, bullying creep, as well as a thief and a knife fiend - and you know what else you are? A sore LOSER!
🤥JTK Story2011: As he said that Randy rushes Jeff.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Of course he does, can't expect Randy to do anything else, now can we?
👩🎓Jane A.: Then Randy rushed at Jeff and tackled him.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: We already got that, Jane.
😈Jess Story: She shrieks and watches as one of them goes after Jeff.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Hiding, shrieking, you still manage to remain completely ignored, unnoticed. And I don't buy your fear act considering the savagery you inflict coming up!
🤥JTK Story2011: They both fall to the ground. Randy punches Jeff in the nose, and Jeff grabs him by the ears and head butts him. Jeff pushes Randy off of him and both rise to their feet.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Scowl* Nobody's impressed with your mad chimpanzee behaviour, Randy and Jef, and in front of a bunch of little 4-year-olds to boot.
Not that you brainless bullies care, little kids just mean more 'new meat' and conquests to you. *Disgusted glower* Those airhead cops should've tossed the lot of you in the slammer!
🤥JTK Story2011: Kids were screaming and parents were running out of the house.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Duh… At least they cared that much. *Sarcasm full volume* Why didn't the parents move to protect their kids and take them with, out of the house, the yard, whatever, and report the delinquents Randy, Keith, Troy, and Jeff?
Oh, but they'd have to feel and think to do that.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: See that part? That's important. Know why? Because that is the only point in this entire episode that addresses the idea of somebody else getting involved.
🤥JTK Story2011: Troy and Keith both pull guns out of their pockets.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: I figured guns, not toys, would show up eventually… Gosh these kids suck!
🌩🗣LightningandIce: Ding ding ding! Round one begins! Jeff and Randy start wrestling around. This gets the attention of the grown-ups, so tweedle dee and tweedle dum pull out guns, at which point I also pull out a gun and shoot my computer monitor for displaying this crap.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: LOL!
🌩🗣LightningandIce: ARE YOU flariNG KIDDING ME? Why do they have guns? Why do two twelve-year-old kids from a suburban neighborhood have guns? I'm not trying to say that kids aren't capable of heinous acts of violence and couldn't get a gun somehow. In this day and age of school shootings, that's never been more obvious. The very point of this story is to examine how somebody could come to that point. Yet here are these kids, run of the mill school bullies, who just show up and whip out pistols like it ain't no thing.
This should be a huge deal. I mean, like I said, the entire story is supposed to building up to Jeff crossing that line. Yet Randy and co. do it with such nonchalance that it nukes the threshold of absurdity. This story puts armed robbery and attempted murder on the same tier as wedgies and swirlies.
🤥JTK Story2011: “No-one interrupts or guts will fly!” they say.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Remember what I said about the bully girls in the Lisa Gonzelez chain? Well, that's what's going on with these freaks too. Somewhere offstage is this huge touchscreen panel. Tap the right menu item under Troy and Keith, and they both spit out this gory sounding phrase.
👩🎓Jane A.: I was about to grab the phone and dial 911
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: But you remembered, "no cops". If you really were going to call 911, you would've done it earlier.
👩🎓Jane A.: when I heard Troy and Keith shout, "No one interrupts or guts will fly!"
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: We got that already, Jane.
👩🎓Jane A.: I looked out the window again and saw that they both had matching guns in their hands.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Jane, we got it. We got it.
👩🎓Jane A.: I couldn't have called for help then without endangering the lives of others.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: What kind of excuse is that? if you thought you'd endanger lives by calling emergency, you're even stupider than I originally thought.
👩🎓Jane A.: I couldn't have called 911 anyway, the batteries in my phone was dead.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah, so you could've used a landline. Second excuse also rejected.
🤥JTK Story2011: Randy pulls a knife on Jeff
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Right, Ringleader randy has his hired guns Troy and Keith hold everyone at gunpoint so he can slither around stabbing people he hates with his stupid little knife of doom. Terrorizing and threatening a bunch of innocent people, because he's so stuck on revenge for something he started in the first place. I detest this kid! I really loath this stinking bullying kid!
🤥JTK Story2011: and stabs it into his shoulder.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Well I didn't think he was going to cut the birthday cake with it!
🌩🗣LightningandIce: From this point forward, the adults do nothing until the fight is over. Nobody yells at the kids, tries to talk them down, calls the police, runs for help, or even panics. The bullies (KIDS!) say "don't move," and the entire group of grown adults shuts right down and does absolutely nothing.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: This is all sorts of wrong.
🤥JTK Story2011: Jeff screams and falls to his knees.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Apparently Jeff was a quick study, learning this move from Randy.
😈Jess Story: She screams and slides past the other two with guns and runs inside to hear Jeff scream.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Because all you ever do is hide and be too shy. And everybody still doesn't even know or care if you're there at all. *Snicker*
🤥JTK Story2011: Randy starts kicking him in the face.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Well, all Jeff would have to do is wrap his long lips around Randy's stupid little noodle legs and trip him up, making him fall flat on his dumb butt or on his ugly cereal-hole.
🤥JTK Story2011: After three kicks though Jeff grabs his foot and twists it,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Did he use his lips for that?
🤥JTK Story2011: causing Randy to fall to the ground.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: If only the skateboards would get a life of their own, konk out all these evil power-tripping bully kids, yes, including Jeff, and then fly away, leaving Randy and his loser pals stranded. The knocking out would give the parents time to call authorities and have these rotten eggs carted off to the big house.
🤥JTK Story2011: Jeff stands up and walks towards the back door. Troy grabs him though.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Gah, this thing's gotta end some time.
🤥JTK Story2011: “Need some help?” He picks Jeff up by the back of the collar and throws him through the patio door.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Now if only Troy would give his fellow sidekick and their master Randy the same treatment…
👩🎓Jane A.: Jeff was on his side getting kicked by Randy in the face when he grabbed his foot and twisted it. Randy fell over and Jeff tried to walk back to the house when Troy grabbed him by the collar and threw him towards the house.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: We already have that, Jane.
👩🎓Jane A.: I heard glass breaking and I knew then that they were going to kill him.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Funny that the breaking glass did it for you. for me, the guns and knives would've given the signal these factory rejects had murder on what passes for their minds.
🤥JTK Story2011: As Jeff tries to stand he is kicked down to the ground.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Gah, unimpressive, stupid, disgusting, boring, forget prison, these stinking, bloodthirsty sociopathic kids belong in the section of a zoo where they house the fiercest beasts.
🤥JTK Story2011: Randy repeatedly starts kicking Jeff,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: There goes Noodle Knees Randy again, really trying to get a kick out of the situation.
repeatedly starting to kick - so that must mean he just keeps repeating the motion of an almost kick but never quite makes it. his leg goes on this crazy autorepeat where he just stands there with his leg shaking back and forth at breakneck speed, because he's stuck in that moment of time. Like a needle on a skipping record, Randy is stuck repeating the start kick over and over.. Maybe the program that runs Randy has a bug in it. Oh, yeah, of course it does. Randy! that's the whole point.
🤥JTK Story2011: until he starts to cough up blood.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Unless he's got a squib hidden on him somewhere. Packet of catchup might do for a tiny home made one.
Squib, or real blood, either way, Randy is so ended. Man I hate that kid! I hate that kid! I hate hate hate Randy!
👩🎓Jane A.: "Randy you arsehat!" (edit) I screamed at him. But he couldn't hear me over the sound of the kids screaming.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Suddenly you're not afraid of putting your life in danger and you think yelling this silly insult which doesn't even begin to scratch the surface for Randy's badness to him is going to make some kind of difference? Randy, Jeff, Keith and Troy are all arsehats, and worse.
BTW how convenient you only piped up after Randy, Jeff and Troy took the fight back indoors.
🤥JTK Story2011: “Come on Jeff, fight me!” He picks Jeff up and throws him into the kitchen.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Die, Randy, die! *Scowl*
🤥JTK Story2011: Randy sees a bottle of vodka on the counter
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Wait, what? A bottle of vodka? At a kid's party? That makes no sense. Any little kid could've got into it.
🤥JTK Story2011: and smashes the glass over Jeff’s head.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: And Miss Ocean Elf will smash Randy into little pieces!
🤥JTK Story2011: “Fight!”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Die!
🤥JTK Story2011: He throws Jefff back into the living room.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Randy must've got that feeling thing passed on to him from Jeff. Now all of a sudden he's Super Unstoppable Randy! It's a door! No, it's a foot! No, it's a booze bottle! No, it's - Super Randy! *Very derisive sneer*
🤥JTK Story2011: “Come on Jeff, look at me!”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: here, Randy, close up and personal! Look - at - me! *Withering glare at Randy*
🤥JTK Story2011: Jeff glances up, his face riddled with blood.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: didn't I already say i hate Randy? And 'riddled' isn't the right term here. If you're talking about a face full of bullet holes or scares, something plural, then it's right. The word you want here is 'covered' with/in blood.
🤥JTK Story2011: “I was the one who got your brother sent to JDC!
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Wait, who's yelling? Jeff didn't get Randy's brother into JDC, Randy got Jeff's brother in there. Well, with Jeff's help of course. But you just described Jeff glancing up at Randy, and then went into this quote that wouldn't make any sense coming from Jeff.
🤥JTK Story2011: And now you’re just gonna sit here and let him rot in there for a whole year! You should be ashamed!”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Look, punk, whichever one of you blighters is calling the accusations, you should both be ashamed. But you won't, neither of you have any conscience.
🤥JTK Story2011: Jeff starts to get up.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: And he and randy continue to be utterly loathsome brutes.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: Back at the beginning, I pointed how the narration randomly switches between past and present tense for no reason. This has continued to periodically throughout the whole pasta, but this little fight scene kicks it into overdrive. It's like their battle is so epic that it breaks time, or maybe the narrator is actually Dr. Manhattan from Watchmen.
🤥JTK Story2011: “Oh, finally! you stand and fight!”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, Randy, you just shut your stinking mouth for once! Permanently! Disgusting bully!
🤥JTK Story2011: Jeff is now to his feet, blood and vodka on his face.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: I still say that there are more than enough adults to deal with these evil brats, assuming Troy and Keith aren't still hanging around threatening everybody with guns like the cowards they are.
🤥JTK Story2011: Once again he gets that strange feeling,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Well it sure took a while to kick in this time.
🤥JTK Story2011: the one in which he hasn’t felt for a while.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Because for a while there were no other kids around to trigger it.
🤥JTK Story2011: “Finally. He’s up!” says Randy as he runs at Jeff.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: And Randy also gets that same loving feeling as Jeff, though this chain doesn't point it out…
🤥JTK Story2011: That’s when it happens.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Jeff's super violent powers kick in as well…
🤥JTK Story2011: Something inside Jeff snaps.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Just like at the bus stop - well, something snapped in these evil kids long ago. Right from the beginning…
🤥JTK Story2011: His psyche is destroyed, all rational thinking is gone, all he can do, is kill.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Jeff's just manifested symptoms of a full blown case of Randy's Disease…
🤥JTK Story2011: He grabs Randy and pile drives him to the ground.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Scowl* Now Jef is getting sexual about it. Or if that move wasn't meant to be, there is a sexposition called pile driving, so this descriptor, well, it wasn't such a good idea.
I found this out by accident when considering using the phrase to describe something in one of my pieces of fiction. Needless to say, I abandoned it in favour of a different description, because I sure as heck don't write erotica.
But I wouldn't rule the sex thing out since this is Jeff, after all, and considering what he hinted at wanting to do to Jane Arkensaw at the dinner table before setting her on fire, what he said he would do to a Jessica, as well as his intent toward another "cute girl at Kettle Moraine in that public threat letter after killing a detective, and what he wanted to do to his cousin Camille after he attacked her… *Disgusted look*
And where are Troy and Keith in all this? Are they still standing dumbly around, waving their guns at everyone? If not, it's time the adults took charge of things and got rid of Randy and Jeff.
👩🎓Jane A.: I couldn't wait anymore, so I ran to my parent's bedroom and searched for my dad's cellphone, hoping that he forgot it at home. My heart was pounding in my chest, knowing that the longer it took for me to get help, the higher the chance of someone getting killed was.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah right. You expect me to believe that crap. Don't you people have a landline?
🤥JTK Story2011: He gets on top of him and punches him straight in the heart.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Wrecking his hand on Randy's ribcage in the process…
🤥JTK Story2011: The punch causes Randy’s heart to stop.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Bull crap! I've basically outlined why just above. But if something causes Randy's heart to stop, it's probably nothing more than the shock of being stood up to, or maybe it's even part of his condition as a warlock. Super powers and super flying skateboard, and along with these comes a shortened life...
🤥JTK Story2011: As Randy gasps for breath. Jeff hammers down on him. Punch after punch, blood gushes from Randy’s body, until he takes one final breath, and dies.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: Here it is, folks! The moment you've all been waiting for, the ture genesis of Jeff the Killer! That weird feeling finally breaks free, and Jeff hulks out and murders a kid. How does he do it? Stabbing him? Nope, not Jeff, he's too cool for that. He punches Randy straight in the heart. Yes, straight in the heart. Not the chest, the heart. Jeff just used his time-warping teleporting kung-fu psycho powers to bypass Randy's skin, pecs, sternum, and whatever else, and punch him in the heart.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: So ree-dang-donculous!
And now Jeff is the only one with Randy's warlock disease, there is now one less carrier. Now, it is Jeff's turn to die!
Or maybe I'm in too much of a rush to see this story and Jeff ended. That's entirely possible.
🤥JTK Story2011: Everyone is looking at Jeff now. The parents, the crying kids, even Troy and Keith.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Because Jeff is so awesome that everybody can't help gathering around and staring at him in some kind of hypnotic trance. Yeah, right. Bull!
🤥JTK Story2011: Although they easily break from their gaze and point their guns at Jeff.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Troy and Keith are warlocks too, though they might not seem to have Randy's quite as bad as Jeff, still, their flying skateboards etc… And that they are evil enough to hold a bunch of parents and little kids at gunpoint, they still need to be stopped, permanently. Shutting down their program on the touchscreen panel should do it.
👩🎓Jane A.: I finally found the phone underneath the bed.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: What in heck would the phone be doing under the bed? This is really not adding up, Jane.
👩🎓Jane A.: I wasted no time punching in the numbers.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: No. You don't get credit for calling emergency either.
🤥JTK Story2011: Jeff see’s the guns trained on him and runs for the stairs. As he runs Troy and Keith let out fire on him, each shot missing.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Only because these kids are both very slow on the draw whenever Jeff is around, and very bad shots, not because Jeff is really any good at avoiding them. So now, the adults really do need to step in and take these evil kids down.
👩🎓Jane A.: "911 hello?"
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Fabricated phone call.
👩🎓Jane A.: "I need help there's an emergency going on next door! Some guys jumped the fence and are beating up someone! They've got guns you need to hurry please!"
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Too wordy. All you would've needed to say was something like "Fight next-door, they are armed. People getting hurt."
👩🎓Jane A.: "Okay miss I need you to tell me the address and I'll send help right away."
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: No. the EMS operator would ask you "Where?" or "Do you have the address?"
👩🎓Jane A.: I quickly told her my address and the address of the house next door.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: How convenient you remembered to leave it out here... I - wonder - why?
👩🎓Jane A.: "Please hurry!" I said.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: I'm sure they'd do their best. Of course, coming into Jeff's presence might slow them down too. *Rolling eyes*
👩🎓Jane A.: "It's okay just stay on the lin-" BANG BANG BANG!
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes*
👩🎓Jane A.: I heard loud gunshots come from next door.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Already established, shots fired... We know, Jane, we know.
🤥JTK Story2011: Jeff runs up the stairs. He hears Troy and Keith follow up behind. As they let out their final rounds of bullets Jeff ducks into the bathroom. He grabs the towel rack and rips it off the wall. Troy and Keith race in, knives ready.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: this is stupid and boring beyond belief. C'mon, I get it. These evil kids are gun and knife addicts. These kids love fighting and trying to kill one another and terrorize everyone else. these kids are evil. These kids are not happy unless they're fighting, killing, and getting innocent people sent to JDC. These kids stink. these kids suck. These kids will never do anything else.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: I don't understand how everyone could be looking at Jeff now. The rest of the group was outside while Jeff and Randy brawled their way indoors. So that means that at some point, the entire birthday congregation must have formed a single-file line and walked inside to watch the fun.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Lol! No kidding. So very redonculous!
🌩🗣LightningandIce: So now the other two are after him with guns, and Jeff can also dodge bullets apparently. During this time, while the kids are distracting, the adults are continuing to do jack-all.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah. How stupid is that?
👩🎓Jane A.: I yelped and dropped the phone, it landed on the ground and broke.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: The phone broke? Jane, unless it was a very old phone that had components already coming loose. I don't think one drop would do it. Therefore, it is a reasonable conclusion that you threw the phone instead. With considerable force, I might add. Breaking your dad's phone. Wow, good going, Jane.
🤥JTK Story2011: Troy swings his knife at Jeff, who backs away and bangs the towel rack into Troy’s face. Troy goes down hard and now all that’s left is Keith. He is more agile than Troy though, and ducks when Jeff swings the towel rack. He dropped the knife and grabbed Jeff by the neck. He pushed him into the wall. A thing of bleach fell down on top of him from the top shelf. It burnt both of them and they both started to scream. Jeff wiped his eyes as best as he could. He pulled back the towel rack and swung it straight into Keith’s head. As he lay there, bleeding to death, he let out an ominous smile.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: A thing of bleach? A thing of bleach. A THING of bleach. Were the words "container" or "jug" or "bottle" too complex? That is just beautiful. This pasta has just made sucking into an art form.
If I can offer a tip, please don't ever describe anything as "ominous." Nothing says "I'm trying way too flaring hard" like straight up calling something "ominous."
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: 'Let out' a smile? You 'let out' something that can be heard or smelled, not facial expressions. The word you might want there is 'got' or 'gave' an ominous smile.
So Keith gets brained by a burning bottle of bleach and by a towel rod, and he just lies there, smiling. What a masochist.
Bleach is powerful, but not so bad that it would burn you like some kind of acid unless you were exposed to it longer than you would be to something like oven cleaner. Otherwise it wouldn't even be safe to use on laundry.
🤥JTK Story2011: “What’s so funny?” asked Jeff.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: You should know, you have the same evil idea of humour as the other Randy's kids.
🤥JTK Story2011: Keith pulled out a lighter and switched it on.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Apparently these evil kids also have the means to produce all manner of hurty, burny things right out of mid air, alacazam style, a lighter!? What in heck is a twelve-year-old doing going around with knives, guns, and lighters? Where the heck are the adults in this thing? So, what next, a nuclear bomb? Sheesh, this story is cheesy off the charts.
🤥JTK Story2011: “What’s funny,” he said, “Is that you’re covered in bleach and alcohol.”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Wrong, Keithy! The alcohol would've have evaporated by now, stupid!
😈Jess Story: She runs up to the second floor bathroom to find Jeff knocked out and the other kid laughing.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: First, Keith is sprawled out, then it's Jeff, I don't know which end is up any more.
😈Jess Story: Something then washes over her and she looks down and start laughing and deep dark laugh.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Because you want so freaking badly to be a Jeff clone that you even try to change your own voice to laugh like - wait, I thought it was Keith who was laughing. But it was Jeff who supposedly had the deep voice… - Aw, crap, whatever. Hopelessly pathetic. And I don't mean that in terms of getting my sympathy, I mean pathetic in the derogatory sense of the word.
🤥JTK Story2011: Jeff’s eyes widened as Keith threw the lighter at him. As soon as the flame made contact with him, the flames ignited the alcohol in the vodka.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Bull. While the booze soaked his shirt, the alcohol content would've dissipated considerably. The lighter could still start a fire, though, actually, it could explode.
🤥JTK Story2011: While the alcohol burned him, the bleach bleached his skin.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: rubbish. It takes a lot longer for bleach to effect something, and it doesn't actually bleach your skin, turning it a different colour, unless you soak yourself in it for a ridiculous amount of time.
🤥JTK Story2011: Jeff let out a terrible screech as he caught on fire. He tried to roll out the fire but it was no use, the alcohol had made him a walking inferno.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Wrong. That would be the oxygen. Alcohol's evaporated. If he's on fire, I doubt he's just walking anywhere. He'd be running, or if he had the presence of mind and the ability to put it into practice, the stop, drop and roll to put the fire out. Much easier said than done I'm sure. But this "walking inferno" business is bull.
👩🎓Jane A.: Then I ran to my bedroom window to try and figure out what was going on. But no sooner had I poked my head out the window I heard the woosh of a fire and the screaming...
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: We got that, Jane, there is now a fire too... And screaming. Naturally.
👩🎓Jane A.: I'm going to make Jeff scream like that again when I find him.
No, you will not, because you won't be the one to end him... You want glory and vengeance too much.
👩🎓Jane A.: The only thing I can compare it to is the death cry of an animal.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: and just how would you know? Have you actually heard an animal dying in agony? I haven't, and hope I never do.
animals also die without agony and without a sound when they are just old and their death is from natural causes.
👩🎓Jane A.: It was at the time for me horrifying.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Well, yeah, I should hope so. You wouldn't be a normal human being if it wasn't.
👩🎓Jane A.: But now it sounds like music to me and there is nothing I want to hear more in the world than him screaming.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: I understand that sometimes victims feel an overpowering rage, and they say this kind of horrifying stuff. But two sadistic acts don't make a right.
🤥JTK Story2011: He ran down the hall, and fell down the stairs. Everybody started screaming as they saw Jeff, now a man on fire, drop to the ground, nearly dead.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: No. Jeff was not a man. He was a boy.
So where are the police? Where's the fire department? where's the EMS?
🤥JTK Story2011: The last thing Jeff saw was his mother and the other parents trying to extinguish the flame. That’s when he passed out.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: thank goodness for the ability to go unconscious. Are we almost there yet?
🌩🗣LightningandIce: That's not how burns work. Or bleach. Or physics. Yes, alcohol is flammable. No, it wouldn't turn him into a "walking inferno." The stupidest thing about this, aside from everything else about it, is the idea of Jeff's skin getting "bleached." Bleach is corrosive. It doesn't just turn things white, it breaks down and destroys whatever is giving it the color. If you got it on your skin, assuming it was potent enough to do anything, it wouldn't dye it white. It would cause a chemical burn. As in, red and blistering and pain. Which is a moot point in this context, since Jeff is apparently so on fire that he looks like the Human Torch.
👩🎓Jane A.: I saw fire spew out of the house like an angry dragon.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Look, Jane, everybody get it. There was a fire.
👩🎓Jane A.: I ran downstairs immediately and got the portable fire extinguisher from the kitchen and ran outside.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, brother. Look at Jane trying to pass herself off as some kind of hero again. *Sneer* As if you were really going to use it. I'd doubt you'd even have a fire extinguisher in your house, let alone right there in the kitchen, but your dad is a former cop or some dude in law enforcement after all.
👩🎓Jane A.: As I was running I popped the pin for the extinguisher for immediate use.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Nope. You don't get to take credit for putting out the fire either. The other adults were already there, finally trying to do that much.
👩🎓Jane A.: Luckily the door was unlocked as I barged in
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: As if anybody would even notice you...
👩🎓Jane A.: but when I saw Jeff, I completely froze.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Lol What a hero.
👩🎓Jane A.: He was lying at the bottom of the stairs almost completely on fire with adults trying to put it out. I saw bits of his skin through all the commotion. Some parts pink, some parts charred, but it was all covered in red. 🧝♀️Ocean Elf: If it was all covered in red, how could you tell the pink bits from the charred bits?
👩🎓Jane A.: At the sight of all this I screamed and then I passed out. Last thing I remember is some of the adults running towards me. Whether it was to help me or get the fire extinguisher I don't know.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: I've heard that people actually don't remember passing out. They can remember feeling like they will faint, but if they actually faint, they don't remember it. sometimes they don't even remember things that happened just before the faint. So this is just more story-telling from you.
😈Jess Story: The guy looks at her and Jeff slightly stirs.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: So, what, after all of that, you were like nowhere, still hiding and shy, yet laughing darkly at everything, waiting for everyone else to clear out or burn to death so you could be alone with your half-dead crush, Jeff, I suppose.
😈Jess Story: She grabs the closest, sharpest thing she could find..... the only thing she can find is a towel rack that had been ripped off of the wall.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: When you should've grabbed a phone to call emergency. Stupid. I hope some adult somewhere had the sense to do that much.
😈Jess Story: She grabs it and as the guy holds up a knife she plunges the rack right through the guy's stomach.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Disgusted scowl* I figured that was coming. Not that Keith is any better, but all these sadistic kids are trash. That includes you, Jess!
😈Jess Story: He coughs up blood and he falls to the floor looking terrified.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Well, duh, Jess, I didn't think he'd be doing backflips after that.
😈Jess Story: She looks at him with a sadistic smile
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Ah yes, that sadistic smile, characteristic of all blood-thirsty fan-brats who think being sadistic is being cool. *Look of extreme contempt*
😈Jess Story: and she grabs a razor from the medicine cabinet.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, great, I can just guess what you'll do next, torture him with it… *Glower* Jess, I hate you as much as all the others.
😈Jess Story: While the guy begs for mercy
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Which really gives you a huge high… Music to your ears, I'm sure… *Withering glare*
😈Jess Story: she starts very slowly to skin him alive with the razor....
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, *Rolling eyes* could you possibly get any less original please? *Sarcasm* Let's go through how many chain letters did the skinning thing, and how many slow pokes as well.
😈Jess Story: the thing was... it was dull, but.. the more pain the better.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Furious scowl* I really hate you, Jess! Get lost before my temper gets the best of me and I cyber-pummel the living daylights out of you! *Looks fit to kill*
😈Jess Story: He is screaming in agony
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Baleful glare at Jess* And you're just loving it! Grrrrrrrrr! I want to strangle you! I want to wring your rotten neck! *Fuming*
😈Jess Story: as she then takes her fingers and she removes his eyeballs
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Spits* That's exactly what'll happen to you, after you witness Jeff's demise! If you hadn't seen Jeff, you wouldn't have fallen in such pathological lust with his looks. But even without that, you've just got sadistic blood coursing through your veins, so if it hadn't been Jeff, something else could've set you off.
😈Jess Story: and she gets really close to him and bites his tongue off.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Stuff goes flying everywhere* !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Looks fit to kill*
😈Jess Story: She then picks Jeff up
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Derisive snort* Just because the story didn't directly explain how Jeff ended up in the hospital, does NOT mean you get to horn in and take any credit for that.
Here's further reason you cannot.
This skinning business. You said you were slow at it. So instead of trying to get Jeff saved, you took your not-so-sweet time indulging your bloodlust on Keith as you slowly skinned him, took his eyes out, and ate his tongue. Why on earth wouldn't the adults have done anything other than put the fire out? Where are they when all this screaming from Keith is going on? Why did everybody leave after putting out the fire, with Jeff and Keith on the floor, and you, who weren't noticed by any of them yet again, were just lying in wait to commit more torture?
Next, if you loved Jeff so much, why did your bloodlust take over and trump any wish to save him and get him to the hospital first? No. You were more interested in torturing Keith than you were in trying to help Jeff, so once again, proving your so-called "love" to be nothing but a great big stinking farcical fake! You're a shallow, sadistic, phoney, pathetic coward!
Next, you can't just whisk Jeff out of there as if you had super girl strength. You haven't got anything in the way of strength, not in any sense of the word.
😈Jess Story: and leaves the guy to drown in his own blood.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Trust you for that. *Contemptuous scowl*
😈Jess Story: She then walk out and the guys with guns were no longer there
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Because you killed one of them, remember? Duh!
😈Jess Story: and an ambulance and police car had shown up.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: No thanks to you.
😈Jess Story: She gave Jeff to the paramedic and she then run away.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: No on the first, definitely yes to the latter. I think I explained why somewhere above with the huge amount of time it took to torture Keith. The paramedic should've been long gone by then, however, why nobody clued in that you were putting Keith through hex and had him rushed to hospital and you carted off to the slammer where you deserve to spend the rest of your rotten worthless life, I just don't know.
😈Jess Story: No one must know what she did.... no one..
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: But someone does know, and someone is not impressed or scared. Someone wants to riddle you with bullets.
🤥JTK Story2011: When Jeff woke he had a cast wrapped around his face.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Huh? A cast? Those go around arms and legs, not faces…
🤥JTK Story2011: He couldn’t see anything, but he felt a cast on his shoulder, and stitches all over his body.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: You don't feel stitches all over your body unless you literally feel yourself with your hand. You're trying to sound really gory and freak me out and you are failing. I've had stitches. They don't feel like anything. What you feel is the site of the injury that requires the stitches, but not the stitches themselves.
🤥JTK Story2011: He tried to stand up,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Well I'd imagine that ordeal would've sapped at least a bit of his Randy's super strength. People who have been beat up and burned this badly can't stand as soon as they awaken in hospital, and with extreme cases, they are in coma for quite some time.
🤥JTK Story2011: but he realized that there was some tube in his arm, and when he tried to get up it fell out, and a nurse rushed in.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: What kind of slipshod treatment centre is this? If you have tubes in you, they shouldn't just fall out because you move. If Jef pulled and yanked it out, that would make more sense. Besides, he should be in an induced coma and on serious pain meds now, so, he should be right out of it.
🤥JTK Story2011: “I don’t think you can get out of bed just yet.” she said
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: No crap!
🤥JTK Story2011: as she put him back in his bed and re-inserted the tube.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Yawn*
🤥JTK Story2011: Jeff sat there, with no vision, no idea of what his surroundings were.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: bull. he should at least be able to clue in that he's in a hospital if he's conscious, which, he shouldn't be…
🤥JTK Story2011: Finally, after hours,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Huh? After hours? Like, after visiting hours? Well that's what it sounds like. if you'd just said "hours later" it might be easier to follow.
🤥JTK Story2011: he heard his mother.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: What the heck took her so long? And please, not another party…
🌩🗣LightningandIce: In the first paragraph we see that Jeff has a Daredevil-level sense of touch, being able to feel casts (by the way, casts don't "wrap,) the exact number of stitches in his body, and even knowing that there is a tube in his arm. In the next paragraph he suddenly doesn't know what his surroundings are. So where does he think he is then? It also implies that he's just left to sit there until his mother shows up hours later. Do no doctors come in? No nurses try to comfort him? Are his parents so callous that they can't be assed to look into their own son's well being? Oh, wait...
🤥JTK Story2011: “Honey, are you okay?” she asked.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: DUH! All beat up and burned so that he's hospitalized with tubes and stitches and face wrapped up in some sort of mondo bandage - I'd say he was NOT okay!
🌩🗣LightningandIce: " Honey, are you okay? "
Peachy. Never been better.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Snicker*
🤥JTK Story2011: Jeff couldn’t answer though,
🌩🗣LightningandIce: Makes sense.
🤥JTK Story2011: his face was covered,
🌩🗣LightningandIce: Yeah. We got that.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Gah!Sheesh, this just drags on and on, and on!
🤥JTK Story2011: and he was unable to speak.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: ARGH! *Facepalm*
🌩🗣LightningandIce: Does the author think we're stupid? We got it the first time.
🤥JTK Story2011: “Oh honey,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Bleah! Knock off the 'honey' already!
🤥JTK Story2011: I have great news. After all the witnesses told the police that Randy confessed of trying to attack you, they decided to let Liu go.”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Huh? When did this happen? randy isn't the type to confess anything, right to his supposedly dying breath, he was totally psycho evil! He certainly didn't confess to the cops before crashing the party, SS style, with his gun-toting lackees. Otherwise, the police would've taken action to rectify the situation and then Liu would've been out and at the party as well. Randy would've had to confess after death, and that, as we all know, is not possible. Randy certainly didn't all of a sudden turn good, at any stage. he's just too evil.
🤥JTK Story2011: This made Jeff almost bolt up, stopping halfway, remembering the tube coming out of his arm.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: I don't care how many different times and ways Jeff yanks the tube out of his arm, I don't care that he has a tube in his arm in the first place.
🤥JTK Story2011: “He’ll be out by tomorrow, and then you two will be able to be together again.”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: if the police had done their jobs right from the beginning, they never would've believed Randy's pack of lies, or Liu's false confession. Anybody can tell that Randy and Jeff are two of a rotten kind. But no, apparently in Jeff's town, the word of any rotten bully always carries more weight than that of an innocent person, no matter what the circumstances! *Facewall*
And since when did Randy confess? He was trying to kill Jeff right up until his dying breath when Jeff socked him in the 'heart'. Remember?
🌩🗣LightningandIce: Yay! Liu is out of trouble now! Isn't our justice system great?
🤥JTK Story2011: Jeff’s mother hugs Jeff and says her goodbyes.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Ugh! That sentence burns. Was it necessary to write Jeff's name twice? I'll give you a hint - no.
Next. Gosh that was a short visit.
Next. Hugging, really? Jeff has been burned and beat up, you'd think his mother would know better than aggravate the injuries with a hug.
🤥JTK Story2011: The next couple of weeks were those where Jeff was visited by his family. Then came the day where his bandages were to be removed. His family were all there to see it, what he would look like. As the doctors unwrapped the bandages from Jeff’s face everyone was on the edge of their seats. They waited until the last bandage holding the cover over his face was almost removed.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Flat expression* I can hardly wait. either one of two things will happen. he'll be completely the way he was before, no marks, no scarring, nothing. or else he'll look horribly disfigured… That would be all for effect anyway, like Randy's bruised nose still showing when he and his thugs crashed the kids' party. he just made sure to leave enough appearance of the bus stop scuffle to make an impression. So, jeff is going to do the same here. In order to make people both sorry for and scared of him.
Won't work on me, Jeffy.
🤥JTK Story2011: “Let’s hope for the best,” said the doctor. He quickly pulls the cloth; letting the rest fall from Jeff’s face.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Yawn*
🤥JTK Story2011: Jeff’s mother screams at the sight of his face. Liu and Jeff’s dad stare awe-struck at his face.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, for screaming out loud, as if! Really? Well, this mother is several sandwiches short of a picnic, that was established early on in this hokey story. But really, family members just don't act as if they've seen a monster when bandages come off the face of one of their own… It's not as if a burned and thus extremely altered appearance is unexpected. Sure the first site of it would be troubling, but, really? Come on.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: There was a very famous episode of The Twilight Zone that played out similar to the above. This story is also like the Twilight zone, as in it sucks so hard that it is in the same zone as Twilight.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Hahahahahaha!
🌩🗣LightningandIce: What is going on? Did they do surgery or something? I don't get it. I'm asking way too many questions this late in the story. I'm just so baffled that I'm beyond analysis at this point.
🤥JTK Story2011: “What? What happened to my face?” Jeff said.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: You don't remember? Randy and Keith. need i say more?
🤥JTK Story2011: He rushed out of bed and ran to the bathroom. He looked in the mirror and saw the cause of the distress.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Twiddling thumbs* ho-hum…
🤥JTK Story2011: His face. It…it’s horrible.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes*
🤥JTK Story2011: His lips were burnt to a deep shade of red.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Red lips? really? that isn't so bad, is it? Anyway, you'd think after all this time at least some of that redness would've gone away. I mean, this is like two weeks later, which still isn't near long enough before his waking up yet. But I'll assume his lips are still all there - long as ever.
🤥JTK Story2011: His face was turned into a pure white color,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: That's to be expected, all the dead tissue is going to have to be removed, more healing necessary etc. No, I'm not horrified or shocked.
🤥JTK Story2011: and his hair singed from brown to black.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: It was brown hair. Now singed right off. Some of that brown hair might grow back unless the scalp has been burned so extensively and can't grow hair any more.
So if Jeff wants black hair, he'd have to get a wig or transplant. And transplants aren't manageable when the scalp is burned badly.
See this great article.
🤥JTK Story2011: He slowly put his hand to his face. It had a sort of leathery feel to it now.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: It's probably going to be pretty coarse and scabby where it is healing itself. Skin graft areas, probably smoother… But I'm no burn expert, so don't really know.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: This pasta. It...it's horrible. Once again, that's not how any of that stuff works. The first thing that is stupid here is how he rushed out of bed like that, but whatever. Yes, skin does turn red what it's burned. That makes sense. It doesn't work like permanent lipstick, though. I've already talked about how stupid the idea of his face being "bleached white" is.
The dumbest part of this, though, is the hair. As anybody who has ever had trouble starting a grill can tell you, THAT IS NOW HOW BURNED HAIR WORKS. Yes, it turns black because it's charred, and then it crumbles into ash. Because that's what happens to stuff when it's burnt. Even more ridiculous, why does there even need to be an explanation for this? Can't he just have black hair?
🤥JTK Story2011: He looked back at his family then back at the mirror.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Huh? You said he took off and ran into the bathroom - did his whole family tromp in there after him or something?
🤥JTK Story2011: “Jeff,” said Liu, “It’s not that bad….”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: I wonder if Liu realizes how easily it could've been him?
🤥JTK Story2011: “Not that bad?” said Jeff," It’s perfect!"
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes* Because little Jeffy always wanted to look like your typical scary mangle-faced character from a horror movie.
🤥JTK Story2011: His family were equally surprised.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Equally surprised as whom? I'll give you a hint, not me.
🤥JTK Story2011: Jeff started laughing uncontrollably
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Like the idiot he was.
🤥JTK Story2011: His parents noticed that his left eye and hand were twitching.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: So he developed a tick? Must all be part of that Randy's syndrome, like when randy's leg went crazy nuts on that kickstart thing.
🤥JTK Story2011: “Uh… Jeff, are you okay?”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Who's asking?
🤥JTK Story2011: “Okay? I’ve never felt more happy! Ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaa, look at me. This face goes perfectly with me!” He couldn’t stop laughing. He stroked his face feeling it. Looking at it in the mirror.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Scornful look*
🤥JTK Story2011: What caused this?
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Um didn't we already take this buss route? Randy and Keith… They're evil. Jeff is evil just like them.
🤥JTK Story2011: Well, you may recall that when Jeff was fighing Randy something in his mind, his sanity, snapped.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: It's called evil. It was in him, Randy, Keith etc. all along.
🤥JTK Story2011: Now he was left as a crazy killing machine, that is, his parents didn’t know.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Just like Randy and Keith… Jeff clearly wasn't the only kid in this horrible pile of violent muck tale.
🤥JTK Story2011: “Doctor,” said Jeff’s mom, “Is my son… alright, you know. In the head?”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: He never was… But really, lady, you don't out and ask that right in front of him, for goodness sakes. Like I said, several sandwiches short.
🤥JTK Story2011: “Oh yes, this behavior is typical for patients that have taken very large amounts of pain killers. If his behavior doesn’t change in a few weeks, bring him back here, and we’ll give him a psychological test.”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Bull! Painkillers don't make people go totally crazy happy over what's wrong with them, especially a marred appearance. Jeff's got Randy's Disease and was probably a bit off anyway his whole life.
🤥JTK Story2011: “Oh thank you doctor.” Jeff’s mother went over to Jeff." Jeff, sweety. It’s time to go."
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Facepalm*
🤥JTK Story2011: Jeff looks away from the mirror, his face still formed into a crazy smile. " kay mommy, ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaa!"
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Shut up, moron! *Glare* And what the heck is with this "mommy" stuff all of a sudden? You were supposed to be too old for four-year-old talk, Jeff, remember?
🤥JTK Story2011: his mother took him by the shoulder and took him to get his clothes.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: Yeah, he's fine. We just took the bandages off five seconds ago, he has very serious facial injuries, and is either high off his arse or psychologically disturbed or both, but yeah, he's good to go.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Huh? He had no clothes when in the hospital!? *terse snicker* if his family were on the ball they would've kept bringing him changes of clothes while he stayed there! Pretty quick recovery anyway all things considered. People with extensive burns can be in hospital ICU for months.
🤥JTK Story2011: “This is what came in,” said the lady at the desk. Jeff’s mom looked down to see the black dress pants and white hoodie her son wore. Now they were clean of blood and now stitched together.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: so where the heck was this outfit this whole time, and which desk are we talking about? They don't hand you your clothes at the desk when you check out of hospital. Your family brings you changes of clothing from home, and they pack it all up when you go home.
😈Jess Story: After a couple weeks Jeff is released from the hospital...
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: We already got that, Jess, and you're overjoyed. You have no right to feelings of any kind after what you did.
This whole thing doesn't ring anywhere near convincing anyway.
Here's a true account of a woman who survived a fire.
Here's a video about a burn treatment facility.
And here's another video dealing with trauma in the ER, some of the situations are burn related.
All of them reasons why Jeff's big burn and super dooper fast recovery just don't make any sense.
😈Jess Story: his skin... white as snow.... his eyes.... black with a white ring around them....
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: But I thought the boy who narrowly got away from him in the report said his eyes were ringed in black.
😈Jess Story: his hair... singed black.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: That's not permanent. It'd grow out and then his natural color would grow back in.
😈Jess Story: She finds the new him stunning....mesmerizing.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes* Why am I not surprised?
😈Jess Story: She then makes her way home.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Home from where? So Jess, did you loiter about the hospital, making a complete nuisance of yourself there? Or were you spying on Jeff's house and all the comings and goings, just longing for Jeff to get home, and then inviting yourself over there so you'd be waiting when he got there? Man, what a stalkerish, obsessive fangirl.
😈Jess Story: When she gets there she is greeted with an empty house.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Gee, I wonder why? No seriously, I can completely understand why nobody would want to be at home with the likes of you.
😈Jess Story: She then goes to the bathroom and fills the tub up with bleach and vodka and water.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Good grief. Just how much vodka does that household go through? They must be stockpiling it for some obscure reason.
😈Jess Story: She then dips her whole body in it, withholding a treacherous screech of pain that seared through her body.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, get a clue. You don't get pain by touching vodka, bleach and water. If you splash it into your eyes or try to drink it, you will harm yourself. But this isn't something like lye, which can damage you if your skin is exposed to too much of it for too long.
😈Jess Story: When she gets out she washes off with regular water and looks at herself in the mirror....beautiful.... she realized.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: No, Jess. You didn't "realize" it. You only thought you were beautiful. You are not. Not in any sense of the word.
😈Jess Story: She keeps her hair it's natural dark brown.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Let me guess, because that was the same color as Jeff's before it got singed off and what was left, turned black. *Rolling eyes* So what next, Jess? You gonna carve out your face too? *Scornful look*
🤥JTK Story2011: Jeff’s mother led him to his room
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Why? He can see perfectly.
🤥JTK Story2011:and made him put his clothes on.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: gosh, pushy as ever… Since when did Jeff turn into such a freaking baby?
🤥JTK Story2011: Then they left, not knowing that his was their final day of life.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes and scowling* Oh, brother…!
🌩🗣LightningandIce: Yes, hospitals usually do give you back the stuff you had when you came in. I doubt they take the time to stitch it back together, though. This also makes me wonder how they were salvagable to begin with, considering Jeff was last seen as a "walking inferno." Then again, with the way fire seems to behave in this universe, I guess I should just be glad his shirt hasn't morphed into a goth trench coat or something. Maybe the Thing of Bleach fixed his clothes.
👩🎓Jane A.: Two days passed until the phone rang.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: As usual, Jane, you're slow. It's two weeks, not two days.
👩🎓Jane A.: My mom answered it. A few minutes later she got off and told me this:
"Jeff is getting out of the hospital today Jane."
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: That's the day Jeff kills everyone in his family but for Liu. The story left the ending open there. I had written a short story of his escape and turning against Jeff, but since discovering what their actual creator says, at least I can still say that Liu didn't get killed by Jeff.
👩🎓Jane A.: I looked up at her and said, "That's great!"
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Yawn* I get it. I get it. You lrv Jeffy.
👩🎓Jane A.: "It looks like we'll be having that free dinner in a few days!" she chuckled.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Wrong. when Jeff gets out, he kills his parents that night...
So any dinner that is being planned now will be a no-go after Jeff's release.
👩🎓Jane A.: A few hours passed and I heard a car pull into a drive-way across the street. I looked out the window and saw Jeff's car in front of its house.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Wrong. It's not Jeff's car. It's the family car. My gosh but what a Gary Stu! Everything in these accounts is written as if everyone and everything is all Jeff's for the taking, and he can do whatever he wants with them. *Scowl*
👩🎓Jane A.: "Jeff's home." I thought.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: "This is mind-numbing." I thought.
👩🎓Jane A.: I decided to watch out of curiosity, to see what he would look like.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Of course you did...
👩🎓Jane A.: Dear god how wrong I was.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Scowl* Cut the blaspheming! You don't even believe in God, so don't toss his name into this like it's nothing!
👩🎓Jane A.: His dad got out. Then his mom. Then Liu. But what I expected Jeff to look like couldn't be farther from what I saw.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: But it's what we've already been told, so unlike you, we're not surprised or convinced.
👩🎓Jane A.: He had long black hair down to his shoulders,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: No. If he was a walking inferno as this version says, a good lot of his hair would be burned away, and maybe a bit of his natural brown colour just starting to grow in.
Simply put, burning doesn't make one's hair get long and black. It gets rid of a lot of it.
Of course, Jeff could've gotten a wig made, too. But I don't see him having that much forethought. And this story says nothing about that.
Either way, this whole long black hair bit just doesn't ring logical true.
👩🎓Jane A.: white, leathery skin,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: We already got that, Jane... We just don't buy it. You'll find quite a few people disputing this in various articles and comments.
👩🎓Jane A.: and that smile... that smile was the same smile I saw when he was in class after he beat up Randy, Keith, and Troy.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh yes, the smile, the smile, that great big happy joy bully smile. How could we ever forget that oh so "ominous" killer smile? *Rolling eyes* Please. Enough with the smile already. A hacked out face does not a smile make. A mask with a bit of photoshop can look like a smile, but that's a different story altogether.
👩🎓Jane A.: But Jeff looked right at me. Into my eyes I could feel those soulless, sadistic eyes burn right into my soul.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Not even Jeff's supposedly amazing Gary Stu eyes can burn away a soul.
👩🎓Jane A.: I still shake from the memory even now as I type this.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes* Look, the only shaking I could understand when it comes to Jeff is trembling with rage really wanting to clobber him.
👩🎓Jane A.: He seemed to be looking at me for hours with that smile until he looked away.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Facepalm* "that smile" "that smile" Oh, cram it!
👩🎓Jane A.: I saw him walk into the house with his parents. I didn't even breathe until that door finally closed behind them.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: And that was the last you ever saw of the parents alive again....................
👩🎓Jane A.:My parents came into the living room and asked me what was wrong.
👩🎓Jane A.: My only reply was a long, loud, scream. Then I fainted.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah right. Because you're so different from anyone else that you actually remember passing out... Sure...
From there, your story carries on.
🤥JTK Story2011: Later that night, Jeff’s mother woke to a sound coming from the bathroom. It sounded as if someone was crying.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Either Liu, who is really scared, or Jeff pulling one of his crocodile tears jags again.
🤥JTK Story2011: She slowly walked over to see what it was. When she looked into the bathroom she saw a horrendous sight. Jeff had taken a knife and carved a smile into his cheeks.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: What, his long lips weren't doing it for him any more? and he didn't get enough of a sick pain-fix from those bullies, he's such a creepy masochist that he carves himself up? Bleck! Repulsive!
🌩🗣LightningandIce: I'll save you the trip to Wikipedia: Yes, it came out the same year.
🤥JTK Story2011: “Jeff, what are you doing?” asked his mother.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: he's just being evil, that's what he's doing. he's got Randy's syndrome after all.
🤥JTK Story2011: Jeff looked over to his mother. "I couldn’t keep smiling mommy.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: ugh! "mommy" And I thought Jeff thought he was way too big to be playing with the little kids before, so what's with the baby-talk now? It's not funny or cute.
🤥JTK Story2011: It hurt after awhile.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: So you remedy that by cutting yourself, oh, that's just brilliant! *Sarcasm warp50, contemptuous sneer*
🤥JTK Story2011: Now, I can smile forever.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Wrong, Jeffy. You just go around looking like a smiley scar-face forever, because you hacked up your own face! If you need it explained to you what the difference between a smile and a wound or scar is, well, you're just a hopeless idiot.
🤥JTK Story2011: Jeff’s mother noticed his eyes, ringed in black.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Yep, normal Jeff raccoon eyes. But why didn't she ever notice his long lips before? And Killer Jess got it wrong. The rings are black, not white.
🤥JTK Story2011: “Jeff, your eyes!” His eyes were seemingly never closing.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: He probably stapled the lids to his eyebrows or something masochistically stupid. That's assuming the fire made him grow black rings of eyebrows around his eyes too, or something so utterly ridiculous.
🤥JTK Story2011: “I couldn’t see my face. I got tired and my eyes started to close. I burned out the eyelids so I could forever see myself;
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Okay, so I was on the right track, but just hadn't gone quite far enough with the description. So he's a fire fiend now. *Repulsed scowl* Now he's got raccoon eyes and no eye lids, carved up smiley cheeks, big red long lips, singed black hair, wow what an ugly mug. Still not scaring me.
You try to burn your eyelids off, you'll burn your eyeballs and blind yourself. Which, is what you deserve after all that anyway, Jeff.
🤥JTK Story2011: my new face.”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Still you, no matter what you look like, Jeff. I'm not about to congratulate, pity, or fear you…
🤥JTK Story2011: Jeff’s mother slowly started to back away, seeing that her son was going insane.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, right, insanity, that's always the excuse, isn't it? Either that or "I was abused/bullied/lost somebody!" Bleh. Not gonna fly. Jeff is just insanely evil.
🤥JTK Story2011: "What’s wrong mommy? Aren’t I beautiful?
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Disgusted frown* Cut the "mommy" bit, and you sound like a girly glurge!
257 Things A Girl Wished A Guy Knew
Beautiful Women Month
🌩🗣LightningandIce: Credit where credit is due: Jeff's explanation is a little creepy. If Stephen King had written something like that, it would have been awesome. Sadly, it's wasted in the nasty pile of nonsense that this pasta has become.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Creepy doesn't go far enough to describe this barrel of masochistic vanity. This is all out sick. And it isn't scaring me.
🤥JTK Story2011: “Yes son,” she said, “Yes you are. L-let me go get daddy, so he can see your face.”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Well really, what else can she say? She's pretty much trapped into giving that answer. Besides, Jeff has beaten people up before, and liked doing it. he's extensively self-harmed, he's obsessed with his appearance, so he's definitely capable of burning and carving up anyone who doesn't play along with him, including his family members.
🤥JTK Story2011: She ran into the room and shook Jeff’s dad from his sleep. “Honey, get the gun we…..” She stopped as she saw Jeff in the doorway, holding a knife.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, brother, again with the freaking knife. And what the heck was she going to do with the gun? Shoot Jeff? Ugh. Calling 911 would've been the smart thing to do, and considerably more loving, I might add. Not that Jeff deserves love, but really, this is a mother and son, so I'd expect - well *twitch* Everybody except Liu is messed up beyond belief, and for no apparent reason.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: GET THE GUN? ARE YOU freakING kiddING ME RIGHT NOW? You're kidding me. This pasta is literally pooing on me. My physical being is literally being expelled from its anal sphincter. Yes, he murders them in the next sentence,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: That matters a heck of a lot, especially how the murders were carried out.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: but at the time was hurting nobody but himself.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: If someone can torture/cut/mutilate themselves, they can do it to anyone. And let's look at Jeff's track record so far.
Jeff nearly fixed it so Liu ended up in jail.
Jeff beat up kids just like Randy did.
Jeff killed Randy.
So Jeff already committed one murder and several aggravated assaults. So it's reasonable to expect he could just go killing at the drop of a hat.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: His mother's reaction should be to scream, run to him, scoop him in her arms, comfort her baby boy, call an ambulance.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: No. The calling of the ambulance, I can get behind. That might've even saved some lives there. But running to save him from himself? No. This is Jeff The Killer and what he does next loses him all claims to sympathy of any kind from me.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: Instead, with no prompting at all, she calmly goes to her husband and tells him to "get the gun."
"Wake up, Pete. Get your gun, I think our son has gone insane. Naw, don't bother emergency services. We had a good run but we have to draw the line somewhere. We'll tell Liu we sent him to live on a farm upstate."
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: When does this space case ever do anything calmly? This was actually the first non-vapid though horribly twisted misguided idea, but I'm pretty sure it came from being scared right out of her skull. And if she had any idea what was coming, she'd have a right to be. The gun doesn't even have to be used to actually shoot. It can be used as a threatening presence, to hold an attacker at bay.
🤥JTK Story2011: “Mommy, you lied.”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, cut this "mommy stuff! Lying's nothing next to your violence-ridden history, in this story and beyond!
🤥JTK Story2011: That’s the last thing they hear as Jeff rushes them with the knife, gutting both of them.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Intensely disgusted scowl* So, what, he just guts them both in one fell swoop? Oh, sure... This is sickly disgusting beyond the pale!
🌩🗣LightningandIce: Really? That's the last thing they heard? So, they didn't hear footsteps and neither of the parents made a single peep while Jeff was murdering them. Furthermore, insane or not, there is no reason why two capable adults should not be able to overpower a thirteen-year-old kid in a straight-up fight, especially one who is suffering from greivous injuries, including having no eyelids. Of course, given how they reacted during the fight with the bullies, they probably didn't even try.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: I've given up trying to figure out why the adults were such brain-dead weaklings and just let those wild bully kids trample all over them during this whole rotten story. For now, all that matters to me any more is intent and if Jeff has it in him to brutalize people. The story supplies plenty of scenes where Jeff does exactly that..
🤥JTK Story2011: His brother Liu woke up, startled by some noise. He didn’t hear anything else, so he just shut his eyes and tried to go back to sleep. As he was on the border of slumber, he got the strangest feeling that someone was watching him. He looked up, before Jeff’s hand covered his mouth. He slowly raised the knife ready to plunge it into Liu. Liu thrashed here and there trying to escape Jeff’s grip.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: See? Jeff is plain evil, and was all along. If Liu was a normal kid, he would regret trying to save Jeff's worthless butt and spending a whole week in JDC for him.
But this is where the 2011 story ends. It does not actually say Liu dies.
instead, much to my disappointment, Liu becomes Jeff's partner in crime. I'd rather he turned against Jeff.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: First, what noise woke Liu up? His parents' murders were clearly portrayed as silent, so either there was nothing for Liu to hear, or the narration lied to us. Or the writing sucks. Second, Jeff overpowers Liu far too easily. Jeff holds Liu down with one hand despite Liu thrashing around and fighting as hard as he can to get out of it. It isn't like Jeff is sitting on him or something, he's just pressing on Liu's mouth with one hand. The only way this would be possible was if Jeff had some kind of superhuman strength.
Or if the writing sucks.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Exactly.
🤥JTK Story2011: “Shhhhhhh,” Jeff said,“Just go to sleep.”
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Only now that Jeff's got on his ultra crazy act, he says "Go to slip." That's how it sounds in at least some of the lame video games.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: A th- th- thththat's all folks!
WatchMojo, a group that makes Top 10 YouTube videos, once named this the second scariest creepy pasta behind Slender Man. They were clearly pandering, and the descriptions sums it up perfectly: "After being badly burned in a fight with some local kids, the once innocent Jeff lost his sanity upon seeing his scarred face. After carving a smile onto his mouth and cutting off his eyelids, he viciously killed his mother, father, and brother." Look at how it downplays so much of the story. Yes, that is technically what happened, but it glosses over almost the entire thing.
In other words, they knew it was bad. They didn't want to lie to the audience or try to spice up the narrative, so they glossed over it.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: They apparently get votes from their audience, and then do the count-downs based on those results. That explains it. Everyone but me and a few friends seems to think Slender Man and Jeff The Killer are scary.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: Even the Creepy Pasta Wiki deleted it from their site "as per Quality Control." There is no mistaking it, it is terrible in every way.
The actual writing, as in the phrasing and mechanics, is deplorable. There was so much that I didn't comment on because it would be too time consuming and it wasn't worth it. The whole thing reeks of teenage angst.The dialogue is cliched and hamfisted to the nth degree. From medicine to law to basic social interactions, the author clearly doesn't understand how the world works. The only character to any substantial degree of realistic characterization is Jeff himself. The worst of the cast are the adults, who are complete dipsticks, but it's clearly not deliberate. The author just doesn't understand how adults, or pretty much anyone besides thirteen-year-old emo kids, think and act.
So if it's so bad, why, then, do is it so popular? As I said above, I think it all comes back to that face. Like it or not, that little chibi-Marilyn Manson looking photoshop has a pretty eerie air to it. It's shocking to look at it. Being so closely associated with that picture, most people probably come across it while looking into the origins of the picture and take it as canon.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: It's just a mask, with a bit of photoshop edit in one picture...
🌩🗣LightningandIce: Most people probably pass it over for its quality. The remaining fringe are angsty kids who simultaneously a.) identify with Jeff as misunderstood teen and/or bullying victim; and b.) have never read a book in their life and have no standard of quality. It boils down to a nasty story based on an ill-concieved cyber bullying photoshop, both of which continue to be a bane on Creepy Pasta readers everywhere and bring down the collective quality of horror fiction.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: The story about the face being that of a bullied to suicide girl is a sickening and stupid 4chan hoax. It thankfully never happened. There was no such girl, even though 4chan is definitely capable of that kind of horrible behaviour. The picture is just a mask. Nothing more.
🌩🗣LightningandIce: But hey, this is the internet, right? The downside of anybody being able to publish anything is that there is going to be a lot of crap to go with the bad. Fortunately, there is still plenty of good stuff out there, and even the stuff that sucks can be good for a laugh. If you've made it this far, thank you for going through this story and reading my commentary. It was a long one, and I appreciate the support.
Now go read something good, and have a good night.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, there's still a little more from Jess The Killer to mangle.
😈Jess Story: The next day she sees Jeff...... covered in blood and he runs to the back of his house...
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: So he just hangs around and doesn't even bother to clean himself up after the murders, which took place hours before. YUCK! And you find that attractive. Ugh, you are nauseating!
😈Jess Story: she notices that his eyelids had been burned off and that he had carved a smile into his face.....
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: And he's still got that ugly mug of his so far up his own butt that he doesn't even realize you're there, Jess, pining away for him like some sad sap.
😈Jess Story: even more beautiful.. she realizes.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes* No, you think he's even more beautiful, but you're just sick and shallow.
😈Jess Story: She then goes back inside and grabs a lighter and a butcher knife.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: And then you carve up your own face and burn off your eyelids because you're such a collectivist Jeff fangirl and you want to look like him, and end up worshipping yourself as a result.
😈Jess Story: She then proceeds to carve a smile in her own face and burns out her eyelids....
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Again, it's not a smile. It's a face hack job. Inspired by a mask.
😈Jess Story: now she can be beautiful...
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: "Beautiful" "beautiful" "beautiful" oh shut it! You know nothing of real beauty, nothing at all. I'm sick of people fixating on "beautiful" as if looking a certain way will make them better people or make their lives better. It's a big lie.
😈Jess Story: just like her love...
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: If you talk of "love" again, I'm going to puke! You and Jeff know nothing of love. You only know lust and other means of self-gratification at the expense of other people.
😈Jess Story: Jeff.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: STINKS!
😈Jess Story: Now you know my story, but...
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: But I hate it, and you.
😈Jess Story: you won't believe it's real... right?
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: DUH!
😈Jess Story: And let me be frank.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Let me be frank. I've had more than enough of your "frank"ness, and nothing you say will change my mind about you or Jeff. You'll only make me hate you even more. If that is even possible. You reek.
😈Jess Story: I am very good at hiding, some even say I'm invisible.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Because you don't exist in the real world… But you can't hide from me and some fictional characters who really don't like you.
😈Jess Story: I'm everywhere...yet nowhere,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: You thought that sounded profound? Fail. Any fairy-tale can lay claim to that state. They are also everywhere yet nowhere.
😈Jess Story: for that is where Jeff...my love, always is.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Vomits* Well, as I said, anything fictional is everywhere and nowhere. I warned you not to mention "love" again.
😈Jess Story: And I can say...
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: You've already said a lot of really deplorable things… So just shut it! *Withering glare*
😈Jess Story: *giggles*
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Slaps Jess across the face* I said Shut it!
😈Jess Story: If you touch him
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Other than for the purpose of ending him, why on Earth would I ever want to touch him? *Disgusted&scornful look*
😈Jess Story: in a way meant harmful,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: You'll go ballistic. Your problem.
😈Jess Story: think of him in a harmful/nasty way,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Clue to Jess, you are not a goddess. You cannot read or control people's private thoughts. your ego knows no bounds. Oh, the hubris. The stupidity.
😈Jess Story: speak about him in a harmful/nasty way, or anything of that nature..
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: As in - I hate Jeff because he's a sadistic creep. But this should sting you even more. Jeff doesn't care about you. he doesn't know you exist. He is not in love with you and never could be.
😈Jess Story: I swear to Jeff that
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, you sad imbecile. Swearing to Jeff? Get - a - grip!
😈Jess Story: I will personally slaughter you,
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: You try it and you'll end up as roadkill or shark food. Probably the latter, since I am Ocean Elf. Don't mess with me, Jess...
😈Jess Story: and I will enjoy it as much as it hurts you.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: *Baleful glare* You know what? You're really gonna regret trying to mess with anyone by the time I get through with Jeff and with you. *Loses cool, more stuff goes flying* I annihilated Slender Man, and you will be my next special project, Jess!
😈Jess Story: And coming from me.... that means a lot.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: No, actually it doesn't. It's obvious you're a sadistic freak, you always were, and always will be. "Coming from me, that means a lot" means "Usually I don't go in for (insert something here) but I make an exception. For example, I think you deserve to watch Jeff get mauled by a bear, and that's saying a lot coming from me, since I wouldn't wish that on anyone but sadistic creeps like you.
That's it, for now.
But I'm not done with Jess...
*Exits, looking fit to pummel anything that gets in the way*
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