Dead Reckoning Jenny

Oh, great, it's the Jenny version of the "Don't Drink N Drive" memes! The others are the Bogus MADD petition chain and Near The Door, all of them absolutely awful!

I am not the only one annoyed by this meme and others like it, as this excellent Youtube video shows.

If you want to send a message not to drink and drive, don't use this or any other meme to do it. Here's a confession video by Natt Cordle instead. He's a real person who has to live with the fact his drinking and driving killed someone, for the rest of his life.


😈Meme: Jenny was so happy about the house they had found. 😈Meme: For once in her life it was on the right side of town.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah, all heck should break loose if it was on the left side of town.

And another Jenny...

😈Meme: She unpacked her things with such great ease. As she watched her new curtains blow in breeze.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Wow-wee, new curtains, yeah, that should make the unpacking come MUCH easier!

😈Meme: How wonderful it was to have her own room. School would be starting, she'd have friends over soon. There'd be sleep-overs, and parties; she was so happy It's just the way she wanted her life to be.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Why her own room? Oh, probably moving up in the world, on the right side of town, now she's got a bigger house and won't have to share with her big/little sister/brother any more, well goody for her. And she hasn't had slumber parties before this point in her life? Seriously? So now she plans to share her room with her friends instead of whatever sibling? Hmmm okay, anyway, what's with this excitement about new friends in a new place? Aren't people usually just a bit apprehensive? But no, Jenny probably plans on showing off to her peers and being the most popular kid in school with all the best stuff and bright shiny new house, room and curtains and all!

😈Meme: On the first day of school, everything went great. She made new friends and even got a date! She thought, "I want to be popular and I'm going to be, Because I just got a date with the star of the team!"

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Hah! Got her pegged, real social-climber!

😈Meme: To be known in this school you had to have a clout, And dating this guy would sure help her out. There was only one problem stopping her fate. Her parents had said she was too young to date.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Sounds totally typical, and she probably is too young if she only wants to date a guy just to get into the in crowd. Shallow-minded, immature Jenny.

😈Meme: "Well, I just won't tell them the entire truth. They won't know the difference; what's there to lose?" Jenny asked to stay with her friends that night. Her parents frowned but said, "All right."

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Okay, adding liar to Jenny's dirty laundry list of bad characteristics.

😈Meme: Excited, she got ready for the big event But as she rushed around like she had no sense,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Because she actually HAD no sense!

😈Meme: She began to feel guilty about all the lies, But what's a pizza, a party, and moonlight ride?

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Well I'm sure you're gonna tell me exactly what they are and how it all ended up. Can hardly wait. *Rolling eyes* Pizza is food, a party is a big gathering, but a moonlight ride sounds like a fancy way of saying "making out in the car at night".

😈Meme: Well, the pizza was good, and the party was great, But the moonlight ride would have to wait. For Jeff was half drunk by this time. But he kissed her and said that he was just fine.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: So Jeff and Jenny had great pizza and they kissed, how utterly adorable. *Snort*

Half drunk? Seriously, 'half drunk'? You're either drunk or you're not. There's no such thing as half drunk, a quarter drunk, 7 eights drunk, you see what I'm driving at, right? And I'm not driving drunk…

Another Jeff? Well, it is a common name after all, there is Jeff Green, the guy who put his dead wife in a coffee table, and then sold it at a garage sale in another stupid hoax, But I thought there was another one in a different teeny-bopper glurge chain letter, it won't come to mind now. Anyway…

😈Meme: Then the room filled with smoke and Jeff took a puff. Jenny couldn't believe he was smoking that stuff.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: The room only filled with smoke at this late stage? Why weren't people lighting up as soon as the party started, as is what usually happens when there are smokers?

😈Meme: Now Jeff was ready to ride to the point But only after he'd smoked another joint.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: So was he ready to ride or not? You're not clear on that. Ready to ride, or joint? He can't be ready if he wants a joint first... See where you're really flubbing the continuity of this dreadful thing?

😈Meme: They jumped in the car for a moonlight ride, Not thinking that he was too drunk to drive. They finally made it to the point at last, And Jeff started trying to make a pass.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Wha? Only now? After the kiss? They did kiss a while back already, remember? I thought the pass-making came before kissing, but then, I'm not an expert on this kind of stuff... Maybe the term means something different to me than to you.

😈Meme: A pass is not what jenny wanted at all (and by a pass, I don't mean playing football).

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: But she let him kiss her, maybe she kissed back, they kissed. They drove off in his car. What's going on with this girl? Don't passes usually come before kisses? I mean, isn't a pass like, I dunno, consistent of lusty looks and gestures and flirty comments? I mean, aren't they long past the pass stage by now? And suddenly she's repulsed by this guy, who she probably wouldn't have even given the time of day too if he wasn't the most popular in school?

😈Meme: "Perhaps my parents were right ... maybe I am too young. Boy, how could I ever, ever be so dumb.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Uh, Jenny, I really can't answer that for you...

😈Meme: With all her might, she pushed Jeff say away: "Please take me home, I don't want to stay." Jeff cranked up the engine and floored the gas. In a matter of seconds they were going too fast.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: AUGH! The writing hurts! What kind of vehicle is this? Wouldn't he have floored the engine by stepping on the gas peddle?

😈Meme: As Jeff drove on in a fit of wild anger, Jenny knew that her life was in danger. She begged and pleaded for him to slow down, But he just got faster as they neared the town.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: And the plot continues spiralling down...

😈Meme: "Just let me go home! I'll confess that I lied. I really went out for a moonlight ride." Then all of a sudden, she saw a big flash. "Oh God, Please help us! We're going to crash!"

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: She had time to say all this?

😈Meme: She doesn't remember the force of the impact. Just that everything all of a sudden went black. She felt someone remove her from the twisted rubble, And heard, " Call an ambulance! There kids are in trouble!"

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Well, at least that bit is slightly more realistic than that crappy bogus MADD petition chain letter story.

😈Meme: Voices she heard.... A few words at best. But she knew there were two cars involved in the wreck.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: How could she know for sure? They could've plowed into a truck, or swerved into a tree.

😈Meme: Then wondered to herself if Jeff was all right, And if the people in the other car were alive.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh now that the damage has been done, her brain switches on?

😈Meme: She awoke in the hospital to faces so sad. "You've been in a wreck and it looks pretty bad." These voices echoed inside her head, As they gently told her that Jeff was dead.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: So that's what, the first thing they told her? Did she even ask first? Oh, maybe she didn't just wonder in the previous stanza, she probably muttered his name or something, I dunno. Anyway, you'd think they wouldn't want to just out and tell her without her asking about him first - I mean, with Jenny herself in bad condition, you'd think the hospital staff would be trying to keep themselves together and doing what they could to help her and keep her from freaking out on top of everything else.

😈Meme: They said "Jenny, we've done all we can do. But it looks as if we'll lose you too."

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: WHA!? Okay, if there was any clue at all that this thing is nothing but a huge melodrama hack job, this is it! No professional hospital staff, and I mean NONE, would say that to a patient, and certainly not in this setting and in this manner! Telling a patient of their prognosis concerning a terminal illness and how long they are expected to live with sed condition and what can or can't be done to treat it is one thing. But here's this car crash victim, hot date stoned and dead, she's lying in the hospital, and these sad-faced mooks just come up to her and say "Oh, Jenny, Jeff's dead and you're about to die too..." Yeah, right...I don't think so!

😈Meme: "But the people in the other car?" Jenny cried. "We're sorry, Jenny, they also died."

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Wait a minute, how come Jenny said "people" when all she saw was a huge flash and then BANG, blacked out and started only vaguely sensing and thinking things as she was being hospitalized? And she would ask about them immediately after getting told tactlessly by these unprofessional shmucks they have for hospital staff, that she would die? When did she go from ultra-shallow "Wanna be popular!" to super-altruistic, caring only about everybody else involved in the crash? Oh, right, the crash did it, and now Jenny gets to be a shining martyr for the cause of not drinking and driving, and not being popular and going on kissy moon rides… This is all so that people will feel terribly sorry for her and pass on her chain letter.

😈Meme: Jenny prayed, "God, forgive me for what I've done I only wanted to have just one night of fun."

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, brother! Somebody pass me a barf bag.

😈Meme: "Tell those people's family, I've made their lives dim, And wish I could return their families to them."

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Look, Jenny, you loused up, but you weren't the one behind the wheel. If it hadn't been you there with Jeff, it would've been some other unfortunate girl. Sure you mucked up but you didn't kill anybody. It's not like you're the first or last kid to ever tell a lie and go to a wild party.

😈Meme: "Tell Mom and Dad I'm sorry I lied, And that it's my fault so many have died.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Will you dry up already? How can I put this more simply, Jenny, so you will understand? YOU...DID...NOT...KILL...ANYONE! All you did was get in a car with a guy. So by your own logic, if I got in a car with a guy, who then deliberately ran someone down, killing them, would that make ME responsible for that person's death? NO! So shut up and stop trying to borrow trouble and guilt that doesn't belong to you!

😈Meme: Oh, nurse, won't you please tell them that for me? The nurse just stood there — she never agreed.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Somebody get this girl a counsellor or something...

😈Meme: But took Jenny's hand with tears in her eyes.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: uh, let me get this straight, the nurse is crying? They're kindhearted or they wouldn't be in this profession, but they are usually tough enough, as are police, doctors, you get the idea, not to fall apart in front of people who depend on them. I would assume this nurse would be made of slightly sterner stuff and wouldn't actually break down in front of this kid - sure this isn't the first trauma she has worked where somebody died. I mean, come on already!

😈Meme: And a few moments later Jenny died.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: And the funeral music starts... Sorry about that, forget the counsellor, just get an undertaker.

😈Meme: A man asked the nurse, " Why didn't you do your best To bid that girl her one last request?"

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Well, sir, whoevertheheck you are, maybe the nurse knew it was the rantings of a guilt-ridden girl who wasn't exactly making sense. What were you doing sneaking around watching them anyway? Aren't you supposed to be a patient, or doctor or orderly or nurse, or relative of some other patient? What business is it of yours what request the nurse does or doesn't bid? I mean, you just suddenly popped into the poem, right out of the blue, POOF, just like that for no reason! Oh, oops, my bad, I should've realized… Sudden appearance of random man = huge leverage for super sad plot twist just ahead…

😈Meme: She looked at the man with eyes so sad.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Right, let's not forget to point out those oh so sad eyes!

😈Meme: "Because the people in the other car were her Mom and Dad."

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: And now, little Jenny, and Jeff, and Jenny's mom and dad are all up in that great pizza party in the sky. Give me a break. Like this sort of thing happens all the time...NOT. Over-play the weird coincidences much? Anyway, so much for the big house, the fancy curtains, the room all to herself, where does that leave Jenny's big/little siblings? They never were mentioned, which means, given the awful climax of this dreary tale, that she must not have had any, which means, what? Before she had a room to herself, she slept in her parents' room? Urgh, oy... Or else, her little siblings are now orphans…Which begs the question, if this family was so poor that they had their kids all in one room, and just moved up in the world, how could they afford a babysitter for the other kids while Jenny was out partying and the parents were out doing what?

So many things in this crummy poem just don't add up. The only thing that's clear is somebody wanted to write a huge emotional slamming in the hearts of the readers, make it rhyme, and make it about the cause of not drinking and driving.

It fails to impress, and will not stop anyone from drinking and driving.

How much you want to bet that some people even read and laugh at this dull kruft at their dumb drunken parties?

There have been accidents involving separate vehicles and people related in each of them, but that is rare, and this ficticious Jenny story is not one of them.

😈Meme: This story is so sad and unpleasant

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Nooooooo kidding!

😈Meme: but true

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: No, it is NOT true. It is a badly-written piece of fiction.

😈Meme: So young people take heed because it could have been you.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: But it wasn't me, and it will never be me at least not behind the wheel, or even drunk for that matter.

If you want to teach young people about the dangers of drinking and driving, you're not going to do it with melodramatic chain letter poems.

Show them films, documentaries or movies about real cases. If it's a class setting, get a guest-speaker.

But all that aside, it is very likely at least some young people would know all too well about the terrible effects alcoholism can have because they know people who are alcoholics.


🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: No. I don't see the point in annoying people with this dumb story.

😈Meme: Please listen to this angel's request......

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: You know, I'm so sick of the word "angel" being tossed about in these drippy chain letters in their sad attempt to somehow sound sweeter or something. So now Jenny is one of the Six hundred Million Rainbow Huggy Money Angels who will undoubtedly be missed forever on earth, and was Wingless until she joined Jeff and her parents and her pal Amanda, the Good Luck Angel way up in that big pizza party in the sky where she got her Pink Dressy Gown!

So what exactly is an angel? A friend or a dead person? Neither! And no, I will not honor this Jenny's request.

😈Meme: If you do the small favor she asks to come true, She will be sent down to guard and protect you.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Not only is this sappy little rhyme corny as all heck, I don't believe in guardian angels to begin with and I certainly don't believe in ficticious chain letter angels!

😈Meme: Please....do it for Jenny.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: No. The best thing I could do for Jenny is to thrash her stupid meme!

😈Meme: Send ten copies and see what happens in four days.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Whatever happens in four days, other than people reacting to this meme, if I was actually gullible and obnoxious enough to send copies to ten other people,, would be nothing in relation to it...

😈Meme: You will get a surprise.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Right, same schlock fake promises seen in these memes:

Special Occasion Tantra

Lotus Totus Tantra

bogus ST. Jude chain hoax

I'm sure some poor saps who fell for this thing and shared it did get a surprise when they found out they had actually spread nothing but a piece of junk that annoyed their friends.

😈Meme: This is true, even if you are not superstitious.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, like in the Special Occasion Tantra and Lotus Totus Tantra, eh? Well, it is true that clogging up the net with this dreck is annoying.

😈Meme: Good luck, but please remember: 10 copies of this message must leave your hands in 24 hours.................................

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah right, the "must leave your hands" thing, just like in those tantra chains. And do not forget to wear out the period key, whatever you do!

Over and out!


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