by: William Shakespeare
TRANSLATION
https://www.sparknotes.com/nofear/shakespeare/shrew
https://www.sparknotes.com/nofear/shakespeare/shrew/page_28/
MODERN TEXT
Act 4
Scene 1
GRUMIO ENTERS.
GRUMIO
To hell with all worn-out horses, all crazy masters, and all bad roads. Was a man ever beaten as much as me? Was a man ever as dirty as me? Was a man ever so tired? I have been sent on ahead to light a fire, and they are coming after to warm themselves. It’s a good thing I’m like a little pot and warm up quickly, or else my lips themselves would freeze and stick to my teeth, my tongue to the roof of my mouth, and my heart would freeze in my belly, before I managed to get thawed out. I’ll warm myself by blowing on the fire. A taller man than I would catch cold in weather like this. Hey! Curtis! Hello!
CURTIS ENTERS.
CURTIS
Who calls so coldly?
GRUMIO
A piece of ice. Trust me, you could slide all the way from my shoulder to my heel taking no more of a running start than the distance between my head and my neck. Start the fire, good Curtis.
CURTIS
Are my master and his wife coming, Grumio?
GRUMIO
Yes, yes, Curtis, so hurry up and start the fire. Leave out the water.
CURTIS
Is she as fiery a shrew as they say?
GRUMIO
Well she was, good Curtis, before this frost. But you know how winter tames man, woman, and beast. And it’s tamed my old master and my new mistress and myself, my good colleague.
CURTIS
Who are you calling “beast,” midget. You’re no bigger than three inches!
GRUMIO
Three inches? Really? Your horn is a foot long, and I’m at least that size. Now are you going to make a fire, or am I going to have to report you to our mistress, whose hand, now that she is herself at hand, you’ll be feeling soon. You’ll find it cold comfort, but that’s what you get for being slow with your warming duties.
CURTIS
So tell me, Grumio, how goes the world?
GRUMIO
Cold, Curtis. It’s a cold world, except for people who have to start fires. Therefore, do your duty and take your reward, because my master and mistress are nearly frozen to death.
CURTIS
The fire is ready. So go on, tell me the news.
GRUMIO
“ Why, Jack boy, ho boy!” and all the news you want.
CURTIS
Oh, you’re just so funny.
GRUMIO
Well, make a fire, then. I think I’m getting delirious. Where’s the cook? Is supper ready? Is the house fixed up, the floor covered, the cobwebs swept out of the corners, the servingmen in their new work clothes and the household servants each in his wedding suit? Are all the cups and glasses in their places, the tablecloths laid out—everything in order?
CURTIS
Everything’s ready. So tell me what’s been going on.
GRUMIO
Well, first of all, my horse is tired and my master and mistress have had a falling out.
CURTIS
How?
GRUMIO
From their saddles into the dirt—but that’s another story.
CURTIS
Well, let’s have it, Grumio.
GRUMIO
Lean forward.
CURTIS
Here.
GRUMIO
There!
GRUMIO STRIKES CURTIS.
CURTIS
This is to feel the news, not hear it.
GRUMIO
That’s what makes it “sensitive” news. I was just knocking to see if anyone was home. Now, I’ll begin: first, we came down a steep hill, my master riding behind my mistress—
CURTIS
Both on one horse?
GRUMIO
What’s the difference?
CURTIS
Well, the difference of a horse!
GRUMIO
Oh, tell it yourself if you’re so smart. It’s too bad. If you hadn’t made me angry, you would have heard all about how her horse fell with her under it, how swampy the place was, too, and how she was covered in mud, and how he left her like that, with the horse on top of her, and how he beat me because her horse stumbled, and how she waded through the dirt to pull him off me, and how he swore, how she prayed—this woman who never prayed before—and how I yelled, and how the horses ran away, and how her bridle broke, and how I lost my riding crop, and many other things worth telling, which now will all be lost to memory, and you’ll go to your grave ignorant.
CURTIS
By the sound of it, he’s a bigger shrew than she is.
GRUMIO
Yes—as you and the rest will find out as soon as he’s home. But why am I telling you this? Get them in here—Nathaniel, Joseph, Nicholas, Philip, Walter, Sugarsop, and the rest. Tell them to slick down their hair, brush their blue coats, and make sure their socks match. Have them click their heels together and don’t dare touch a hair of the master’s horse’s tail till they kiss their hands. Are they all ready?
CURTIS
They are.
GRUMIO
Get them in here.
CURTIS
(calling offstage) Hey! Does anyone hear me? Hey! You have to come and greet the master and face the new mistress.
GRUMIO
She already has a face.
CURTIS
Yeah, so?
GRUMIO
You just said they had to face her.
CURTIS
I meant they had to give her credit.
GRUMIO
She’s not going to borrow money from them.
FOUR OR FIVE SERVANTS ENTER.
NATHANIEL
Welcome home, Grumio.
PHILIP
What’s up, Grumio?
JOSEPH
Hey, Grumio!
NICHOLAS
My man Grumio!
NATHANIEL
So what’s the story, old boy?
GRUMIO
Welcome yourself!—What’s up with you?—Hey to you!—So much for greetings. Now, my well-dressed friends, is everything ready and in order?
NATHANIEL
Everything’s ready. How soon will the master be here?
GRUMIO
Any minute. Probably here already. So be careful, and don’t—God! Quiet, I hear him coming.
PETRUCHIO AND KATHERINE ENTER.
PETRUCHIO
Where are those bastards? Where is the boy who’s supposed to help me get off my horse and take him to the stable? Where is Nathaniel? Where’s Gregory? Where’s Philip?
ALL SERVANTS
Here, here, sir! Here, sir!
PETRUCHIO
“Here, sir! Here, sir! Here, sir! Here, sir!” You stupid, unpolished dolts! I get no service, no respect, no attention! Where is the fool I sent on ahead?
GRUMIO
Here, sir, as foolish as ever.
PETRUCHIO
You unwashed farmworker! You bastard workhorse drudge! Didn’t I tell you to meet me outside and bring these morons with you?
GRUMIO
Nathaniel’s coat was being fixed, sir. And one of Gabriel’s shoes had a broken heel. And Peter couldn’t find a matching hat. And Walter couldn’t get his dagger out of its sheath. Only Adam, Rafe, and Gregory were ready. The rest were just a mess—but such as they are, sir, they’re here to welcome you.
PETRUCHIO
Go, blockheads, go, and bring my supper to me.
THE SERVANTS EXIT.
(singing) Where is the life I led until recently? Where are those—Sit down, Kate, make yourself at home.—Come on, come on, come on, come on.
SERVANTS ENTER WITH SUPPER.
Did I say later? I said now!—Smile, Kate! Be happy.—Get my boots off, you apes! You idiots, now!
(singing) It was a friar in robes of gray, who walked along the road one day:—(a servant tries to take off PETRUCHIO’s boots) Stop, you moron! You’re twisting my foot! Take that, and see you do a better job with the other one. (he strikes the servant) Be happy, Kate!—Bring me some water! Where’s my spaniel Troilus? Hey boy, go tell my cousin Ferdinand to get in here.
A SERVANT EXITS.
You’ll love this guy, Kate—anyway, you’d better! Where are my slippers? Can we have some water please here?—
A SERVANT ENTERS WITH WATER.
Come and wash, Kate, make yourself at home. Son of a bitch, you spilled it! (he strikes the servant)
KATHERINE
Take it easy! Please! It was just an accident!
PETRUCHIO
He’s a son of a bitch, a moron, a total jerk.—Come sit down, Kate, I know you must be hungry. Will you say grace, sweet Kate, or shall I?—What is this? Mutton?
FIRST SERVANT
Yes.
PETRUCHIO
Who brought it out here?
PETER
I did.
PETRUCHIO
It’s burnt. The whole thing is burnt. You bastards! Where is that moron of a cook? You devils! How dare you serve it to me this way! There, take it all back—plates, cups, the whole thing. (throws the meat and everything else around the stage) You careless blockheads and unwashed slaves! I heard that! I’ll deal with you in a minute.
SERVANTS EXIT.
KATHERINE
Please, dear, calm down. The meat was fine if you wanted to eat it.
PETRUCHIO
And I’m telling you it was burnt and dried out. I’m not allowed to eat overcooked meat. It gives me indigestion and that makes me irritable. Very, very irritable.Better for us to go hungry, since we’re both hotheaded, than for us to eat meat that’s been cooked too long. But don’t worry, tomorrow it will get straightened out. Tonight we’ll go without food.
Come, I’ll show you your bridal chamber.
THEY EXIT.
SERVANTS ENTER FROM DIFFERENT PARTS OF THE STAGE.
NATHANIEL
Peter, did you ever see anything like it?
PETER
He’s giving her a taste of her own medicine.
CURTIS ENTERS.
GRUMIO
Where is he?
CURTIS
In her room, lecturing her on the virtues of self-control. He rants and rails and swears and she, poor thing, doesn’t know how to stand or look or speak. She sits like a person who’s just woken up from a dream. Look out, he’s coming!
THEY EXIT.
PETRUCHIO ENTERS.
PETRUCHIO
Well, I’ve begun my reign with a carefully thought-out plan, and I have every hope of succeeding. My falcon is now hungry and unfed and must not be given enough to eat until she comes to me, for if her hunger is satisfied, she’ll pay no attention to the bait. I have another plan to make my bird come to me and recognize her owner’s call is to keep her from sleeping— the way trainers do with young hawks that flutter and flap and will not obey. She had no food today and will have none. Last night she got no sleep, and she won’t get any tonight. Just as I did with the meat, I’ll make up some problem with the way the bed is made, and throw the pillow one way and the cushion the other, and the blanket over here and the sheets over there. And through all the shouting and fuss, I’ll swear that it’s all out of love for her. The end result will be that she’ll sit up all night. And if she starts to drop off, I’ll rant and yell until I wake her up. This is how to kill a wife with kindness. And this way I’ll cure her wild and willful nature. If anyone here knows a better way to tame a shrew, speak up, please. It would be much appreciated.
HE EXITS.
Act IV, scenes i–ii
Scene 2
TRANIO ENTERS, DISGUISED AS LUCENTIO, ACCOMPANIED BY HORTENSIO, DISGUISED AS LITIO.
TRANIO
(as LUCENTIO) I don’t believe it, Litio. It’s not possible that Bianca could prefer another man to me. I’ve seen the way she behaves.
HORTENSIO
(as LITIO) You want proof of what I’m telling you? Stand right here and watch this fellow’s “lesson.” (they stand off to one side)
BIANCA ENTERS WITH LUCENTIO DISGUISED AS CAMBIO.
LUCENTIO
(as CAMBIO) Well, mistress, are you learning from what you’re reading?
BIANCA
What are you reading, teacher? Answer me that first.
LUCENTIO
(as CAMBIO) I’m reading the book I know best— The Art of Love
BIANCA
I hope you’re an expert in your field.
LUCENTIO
(as CAMBIO) Well, my dear, you’re the mistress of my heart in any case!
HORTENSIO
(as LITIO) Quick work for schoolwork! How do you explain that? I thought you said your precious Bianca loved no one better than you, Lucentio!
TRANIO
(as LUCENTIO) Oh spiteful love! Faithless womanhood! It’s incredible, Litio!
HORTENSIO
Let me come clean. I’m not really Litio. I’m not even a musician, really. In fact, I refuse to go on with this charade for a woman who would choose a lower-class guy like this over a gentleman of my stature. My name is Hortensio, sir.
TRANIO
(as LUCENTIO) Signior Hortensio, I’ve often heard of your total devotion to Bianca. So, now that I’ve seen with my own eyes proof of her worthlessness, I’m willing to join you in swearing her off for good, if you like.
HORTENSIO
Look how they kiss and carry on! Signior Lucentio, it’s a deal. I hereby swear to have nothing more to do with this girl. I formally declare her unworthy of all the attention and expense I have wasted on her.
TRANIO
And I hereby make the same promise—never to marry her, not even if she begs me. The hell with her! Look how she carries on with him! It’s revolting!
HORTENSIO
I wish all her lovers had given her up. Well, to be on the safe side—so I don’t go back on my promise—I plan to get myself married to a wealthy widow within the next three days. She’s been after me for years—the way I’ve been for this proud, haughty hag. Farewell, then, Signior Lucentio. From now on, goodness in women, not superficial beauty, will win my heart. I bid you all goodbye. I’ve made up my mind, and I’m going to stick to it.
HE EXITS.
TRANIO
Miss Bianca, may you be blessed with all the happiness you deserve. No, I’ve caught you out, my dear. You’re busted. Hortensio and I have given you up.
BIANCA
You can’t mean it, Tranio! Have you both really given me up?
TRANIO
Yes, ma'am, we have.
LUCENTIO
So Litio’s out of the picture.
TRANIO
He’s going after a young widow. He says he’ll court and win her in a day.
BIANCA
Well, good for him!
TRANIO
Yeah, and he’s going to tame her.
BIANCA
Is that what he says?
TRANIO
Yep. He’s gone to study at the taming school.
BIANCA
The taming school? Is there such a place?
TRANIO
Yes, ma'am. Petruchio runs it. There he teaches piles of tricks for taming a shrew and her tongue.
BIONDELLO ENTERS.
BIONDELLO
Master, master, I’ve been on the lookout so long, I’m ready to fall down dead—but I’ve got one, finally! There’s a trustworthy old fellow coming down the hill who will do the job.
TRANIO
What does he look like, Biondello?
BIONDELLO
A merchant or a schoolmaster, sir. Well, I don’t know exactly, but his clothes are respectable, and to judge from his face and walk, he’s old enough to be Lucentio’s father.
LUCENTIO
And what about him, Tranio?
TRANIO
If he’s an easy mark and buys my story, I think I can get him to pose as Vincentio—and be as ready to vouch for you with Baptista Minola as the real Vincentio would. Go, take your sweetheart and leave him to me.
LUCENTIO AND BIANCA EXIT.
A MERCHANT ENTERS.
MERCHANT
May God keep you well, sir.
TRANIO
(as LUCENTIO) And you too, sir. Welcome. Are you going far, or is this your destination?
MERCHANT
This is it, for now. Then, in a week or two, I’ll continue on as far as Rome, then on to Tripoli, God willing.
TRANIO
(speaking as LUCENTIO) What country are you from, if I may ask?
MERCHANT
Mantua.
TRANIO
(as LUCENTIO) Mantua, sir? Oh Lord, I hope not. And coming to Padua? Do you want to get killed?
MERCHANT
Killed? Why? That would be a little extreme!
TRANIO
It’s a capital offense for anyone from Mantua to come to Padua. Didn’t you know? The Duke of Padua has publicly proclaimed it. He’s feuding with your duke, and all ships from Mantua are being held up at Venice. It’s strange that you haven’t heard. There are signs up all over town—but I guess it’s because you’ve only just arrived.
MERCHANT
Oh dear, oh dear. This is very bad, very bad. I have promissory notes from Florence that I have to deliver.
TRANIO
(as LUCENTIO) Well, look, just to be nice I’ll help you out and give you some advice to boot. First tell me, though—have you ever been to Pisa?
MERCHANT
Oh yes, sir, I have often been to Pisa—Pisa, City of Wise Men.
TRANIO
(as LUCENTIO) There’s one of them called Vincentio? Do you know him?
MERCHANT
I’ve heard of him but I’ve never met him. A merchant of unheard-of wealth.
TRANIO
(as LUCENTIO) He is my father, sir, and I have to tell you—you look a little like him.
BIONDELLO
(speaking to the audience) As much as an apple looks like an oyster, but whatever.
TRANIO
(as LUCENTIO) Under the circumstance, to save your life, here’s what I’m willing to do—and it’s actually not an unlucky thing that you happen to look like Sir Vincentio. We’ll pass you off as him—you can assume his name and reputation and stay in my house. You just have to act your part, you understand? You’ll stay here in the city until you’ve taken care of your business. If this is kindness, you’re welcome to it.
MERCHANT
Oh sir, I accept. And I’ll be eternally grateful to you.
TRANIO
(as LUCENTIO) Then come with me and we’ll set it up. And, by the way, I should probably tell you: my father himself is coming any day to vouch for me in the matter of a dowry—a marriage contract between me and the daughter of a fellow named Baptista. I’ll fill you in on the whole situation. Come, let’s go and get your costume.
THEY EXIT.
Act 4
Scene 3
KATHERINE AND GRUMIO ENTER.
GRUMIO
No, no, I can’t, really. He’d kill me.
KATHERINE
The more I suffer, the more spiteful he becomes. Did he marry me just to starve me? Beggars at my father’s door are given money as soon as they ask for it. And if they don’t find charity there, they find it someplace else. But I, who have never known how to beg and never had to beg, am starved for food, dizzy with lack of sleep, kept awake with curses and fed with brawling. And what irks me more than all these things put together is that he does it under the pretense of love—as though for me to eat or sleep would bring on fatal illness or sudden death. Please, go and get me something to eat. I don’t care what so long as it’s nutritious.
GRUMIO
What do you say to a calf’s foot?
KATHERINE
Oh, lovely. Can I have some?
GRUMIO
I’m afraid it will raise your blood pressure. What do you say to an ox stomach, nicely broiled?
KATHERINE
I’d love it. Nice Grumio, bring me some.
GRUMIO
I don’t know. I’m afraid it will make you too hot, too. What do you say to a piece of beef with mustard?
KATHERINE
A favorite dish of mine.
GRUMIO
Yes, but the mustard is probably too hot.
KATHERINE
Well then, the beef without the mustard.
GRUMIO
Absolutely not. You’ll take the mustard or you’ll get no beef from Grumio.
KATHERINE
Then both, or one, or anything you like.
GRUMIO
How about the mustard without the beef.
KATHERINE
Get out of here, you measly, lying wretch. (she beats him.) You feed me with only the names of foods. To hell with you and the whole pack of you who triumph at my misery. Go on, I said get out of here.
PETRUCHIO AND HORTENSIO ENTER WITH A DISH OF MEAT.
PETRUCHIO
How is my Kate? Feeling blue, darling?
HORTENSIO
Mistress, how are you?
KATHERINE
Believe me, I’ve been better.
PETRUCHIO
Cheer up. Give us a smile. Look, love, see how devoted I am? I’ve prepared a meal for you myself, and here it is. I am sure, sweet Kate, this kindness deserves thanks. What, not a word? I guess you don’t want it. Ah well, all my trouble was for nothing. Here, take away the dish.
KATHERINE
Please, leave it here.
PETRUCHIO
The smallest service is repaid with thanks. Mine will be, too, before you touch the food.
KATHERINE
Thank you, sir.
HORTENSIO
Shame on you, Petruchio! You are too harsh. Come, mistress Kate, I’ll join you.
PETRUCHIO
(speaking so that only HORTENSIO can hear) Do me a favor and scarf it all down yourself, Hortensio.—May it do your gentle heart good, Kate. Eat up quickly, my honey lamb, we’re off to your father’s house to join in the revelry, where we’ll dress as well as the best of them, with silk robes and caps and golden rings, collars and cuffs and fancy frocks and things, with scarves and fans and two changes of clothes, amber bracelets, beads, and plenty of gewgaws. All finished? The tailor is waiting to deck you out in ruffled finery.
A TAILOR ENTERS.
Come, tailor, let us see these ornaments.
Lay forth the gown.
Now, tailor, let’s see what you’ve got. Lay out the gown.
A HATMAKER ENTERS.
What can I do for you, sir?
HABERDASHER HATMAKER
Here is the cap your Worship ordered.
PETRUCHIO
Why, this was modeled on a porridge bowl! It’s a velvet dish! No, definitely not! It’s cheap and nasty! It’s like a cockleshell or a walnut shell, a joke, a prank, a doll’s cap. Take it away. Bring me a bigger one.
KATHERINE
I won’t have one any bigger. This is the fashion. Gentlewomen are wearing caps like this right now.
PETRUCHIO
When you are gentle, you shall have one, too, and not till then.
HORTENSIO
(to himself) That won’t be anytime soon.
KATHERINE
Sir, I think I have the right to speak, and speak I certainly will. I am not a child or an infant. Better men than you have heard me speak my mind, and if you can’t take it, then you’d better plug your ears. I’ll express my anger or die concealing it. And rather than have that happen, I’ll give myself permission to speak as freely as I like, whatever I may have to say.
PETRUCHIO
You know, you’re right. It’s a measly little cap, a dessert crust, a plaything, a silk pie. I love you all the more for not liking it.
KATHERINE
I don’t care if you love me or not, I like the cap and I’ll have it or I won’t have any.
HATMAKER EXITS.
PETRUCHIO
Now, your gown? Yes, yes. Come, tailor, show it to us. Merciful God! What sort of costume do we have here? What do you call this? A sleeve? It’s like a cannon.
What, up and down, carved like an apple tart?
Here’s snip and nip and cut and slish and slash,
Like to a censer in a barber’s shop.
Why, what i' devil’s name, tailor, call’st thou this?
What have you done? Carved it up and down like an apple tart? Snip and snip and cut and slash—it’s got more holes than a sieve! What in the world do you call this, tailor!
HORTENSIO
(to himself) I see she’s likely to have neither cap nor gown.
TAILOR
You told me to make it well and properly and in keeping with the current style.
PETRUCHIO
Certainly, I did. But if you remember, I didn’t tell you to parody the style. Go on home, sir. You’ve lost me as a customer. I won’t take it. Do whatever you want with it.
KATHERINE
I never saw a better-designed gown, more elegant and pleasing and well made. Perhaps you think you can make me into some sort of plaything?
PETRUCHIO
Yes, that’s it! The tailor thinks he can make you into some sort of plaything.
TAILOR
She says your Worship thinks you can make her into some sort of plaything.
PETRUCHIO
What monstrous arrogance! It’s a lie, you thread, you thimble, you measurement! You flea, you louse, you winter cricket! Disrespected in my own house by a spool of thread! Get out of here you rag, you remnant, you piece of yardage, or I’ll measure you within an inch of your life with your own yardstick, and you’ll remember your yammering for the rest of your life. I tell you, you’ve ruined her gown.
TAILOR
It’s not true. The gown was made just as my master was directed. Grumio gave the order for how it should be done.
GRUMIO
I gave him no order. I gave him the material.
TAILOR
But how did you want it made?
GRUMIO
With a needle and thread.
TAILOR
But didn’t you expect us to cut the cloth?
GRUMIO
You’ve faced many things, haven’t you?
TAILOR
I have.
GRUMIO
Well, don’t face off with me. You have bested many things, well don’t try and best me. I will not be faced or bested. I tell you I requested that your master cut out the gown, but I didn’t ask him to cut it all to pieces. Therefore, it follows you’re a liar.
TAILOR
Why, here is the order to prove it.
HOLDS UP A PAPER
HE HOLDS UP A PIECE OF PAPER.
PETRUCHIO
Read it.
GRUMIO
The note is a big fat liar if it says I said so.
TAILOR
(reading) “Item one, a loose-bodied gown—”
GRUMIO
Master, if ever I said “ loose-bodied gown ,” sew me into the skirts of it and beat me to death with a bobbin of brown thread. I said “a gown.”
PETRUCHIO
Go on.
TAILOR
(he reads) “With a half-circle cape—”
GRUMIO
I admit the cape.
TAILOR
(he reads) “With a wide sleeve—”
GRUMIO
I admit two sleeves.
TAILOR
(he reads) “The sleeves carefully cut.”
PETRUCHIO
Ah, there’s the problem.
GRUMIO
Error in the bill, sir, error in the bill! I ordered that the sleeves be cut out and sewed up again, and I’ll prove it in combat even if your little finger is armed with your thimble.
TAILOR
What I say is true. And if this were a fitting place, I’d prove it.
GRUMIO
I am ready for you. You take the bill and I’ll take your yardstick. Do your worst!
HORTENSIO
God have mercy, Grumio! He won’t have a chance.
PETRUCHIO
Well, sir, the gown is not for me.
GRUMIO
You are right, it’s for my mistress.
PETRUCHIO
Go, take it away and let your master make whatever use of it he can.
GRUMIO
Certainly not! Take off my mistress' gown for your master’s use!
PETRUCHIO
Why, what’s the problem?
GRUMIO
Oh, sir, the problem goes far deeper than you realize. Take up my mistress' gown for his master’s use! Oh, that’s disgusting!
PETRUCHIO
(speaking so that only HORTENSIO can hear) Hortensio, tell the tailor you’ll make sure he gets paid. (to TAILOR) Take it away. Off you go. There’s no more to be said.
HORTENSIO
(speaking so that only TAILOR can hear) Tailor, I’ll pay you for the gown tomorrow. Don’t be offended at his angry words. Go on, then. Regards to your master.
TAILOR EXITS.
PETRUCHIO
Ah well, my Kate. We’ll go to your father’s house dressed as we are, in simple but honest clothes. Our purses shall be rich, our garments poor. After all, it’s the mind that enriches the body, and just as the sun shines through the darkest clouds, well, that’s how clearly honor peeps through even the humblest style of dress. I mean, is the jay more precious than the lark because his feather is more beautiful? Is the snake better than the eel because the pattern on his back pleases the eye?
Hardly, Kate. By the same token you are worth no less for your simple clothes and lack of finery. If you regard it as shameful, put the shame on me. So, let’s perk up! We’re off to eat and whoop it up at your father’s house.(to GRUMIO) Go, call my men so we can leave right away. And bring our horses to the end of Long Lane. We’ll walk there on foot and mount up there. Let’s see, I think it must be seven o'clock, so we should get there easily by lunchtime.
KATHERINE
I hate to say it, but it’s almost two and we won’t get there before suppertime.
PETRUCHIO
It shall be seven o'clock before I get on my horse. Whatever I say, or think, or do, you’re continually contradicting it. Sirs, never mind. We won’t go today—or any day until it’s clear that it shall be whatever time I say it is.
HORTENSIO
(to himself) I see this fellow intends to command the sun.
THEY ALL EXIT.
Act 4
Scene 4
TRANIO ENTERS, DISGUISED AS LUCENTIO WITH THE MERCHANT DRESSED LIKE VINCENTIO
TRANIO
(as LUCENTIO) Sir, this is the house. Would you like me to ring?
MERCHANT
Yes, certainly. Unless I am mistaken, Signior Baptista may remember me from the Pegasus in Genoa, where we both stayed twenty years ago.
TRANIO
(as LUCENTIO) Fine, fine. Just play your part and act as serious as a father should.
MERCHANT
Of course I will.
BIONDELLO ENTERS.
But, sir, here comes your servant. Better fill him in.
TRANIO
(as LUCENTIO) Don’t worry about him.—You there, Biondello, now act your part convincingly. Behave as though this were the real Vincentio.
BIONDELLO
Don’t worry about me.
TRANIO
(as LUCENTIO) And did you take the message to Baptista?
BIONDELLO
I told him that your father was in Venice, and that you expected him to arrive in Padua today.
TRANIO
(as LUCENTIO) Good lad! Here, buy yourself a drink on me.
He gives BIONDELLO some money.
BAPTISTA AND LUCENTIO ENTER.
Here comes Baptista. Places, everyone!
MERCHANT TAKES OFF HIS CAP.
Signior Baptista, I’m glad to see you.—Sir, this is the gentleman I told you of. I hope you’ll be a good father to me now. Give me Bianca for my inheritance.
MERCHANT
(as VINCENTIO) Hush, son.—Sir, may I? Having come to Padua to collect some debts, my son Lucentio acquainted me with a serious matter, namely the love between your daughter and himself. Now, since I’ve heard good reports of you, and in view of the love between your daughter and my son, I’m willing to give my consent to his marriage right away. So, if you think you can put up with no worse a man than I am, you’ll find me willing, pending some agreement, to see your daughter betrothed to him. I can’t haggle with you, Signior Baptista. I have too much respect for you.
BAPTISTA
Sir, pardon me for what I am about to say. I appreciate your frankness and your brevity. It’s true that your son Lucentio here loves my daughter, and she loves him—or else they’re putting on quite an act.
Therefore, provided that you assure me that you will treat your son as a father should and offer my daughter a sufficient dowry, we’ll call it a match and be done with it. Your son will have my consent to marry my daughter.
TRANIO
(as LUCENTIO) Thank you, sir. Where can we draw up the necessary papers and get this settled?
BAPTISTA
Not in my house, Lucentio. My servants might overhear, and old Gremio is still hanging around, so we might be interrupted.
TRANIO
(as LUCENTIO) Then at my place, if you like. That’s where my father’s staying. We can get everything sorted out in private there tonight. Send your servant for Bianca. Mine shall go and fetch the notary. The only drawback is that, with such short notice, we’ll be able to offer you only modest refreshment.
BAPTISTA
This is all very acceptable.—Cambio, hurry home and tell Bianca to get ready right away and, if you don’t mind, tell her what’s happened: that Lucentio’s father has arrived in Padua, and that she’s likely to become Lucentio’s wife.
LUCENTIO EXITS.
BIONDELLO
I hope with all my heart she will!
TRANIO
(as LUCENTIO) Forget about your heart and get busy.—Signior Baptista, shall I lead the way? You’ll be welcome, though dinner will probably be only one course. We’ll make it up to you in Pisa.
BAPTISTA
I’ll come with you.
TRANIO, MERCHANT AND BAPTISTA EXIT.
BIONDELLO
Cambio.
LUCENTIO
What is it, Biondello?
BIONDELLO
You saw my master wink and laugh at you?
LUCENTIO
What about it?
BIONDELLO
Nothing. It’s just that he left me here behind to interpret his signs and signals.
LUCENTIO
Please, educate me.
BIONDELLO
Here’s the deal: we’re safe on the Baptista front. He’s talking with the bogus father about the bogus son.
LUCENTIO
And so—?
BIONDELLO
You are to bring his daughter to the supper.
LUCENTIO
And then?
BIONDELLO
The old priest at Saint Luke’s Church is at your command at all hours.
LUCENTIO
And what of all this?
BIONDELLO
I don’t know, except they are busy with some phony guarantee. So go and put your stamp on the girl. Go to the church: take the priest, the clerk, and some reasonably honest witnesses. If this isn’t what you’ve been hoping for, I have no more to say except that you ought to say goodbye to Bianca forever.
LUCENTIO
Listen, Biondello—
BIONDELLO
I can’t stay. I knew a girl who was married in an afternoon as she went to the garden for parsley to stuff a rabbit. It could happen to you. Farewell, sir. My master has instructed me to go to Saint Luke’s to tell the priest to be ready in case you should show up with your better half.
HE EXITS.
LUCENTIO
I may. I will if she likes the idea. She will be pleased. Then why am I worried? Oh well, whatever. I’ll ask her straight out. It will be hard if “Cambio” loses her.
HE EXITS.
Act 4
Scene 5
PETRUCHIO, KATHERINE AND HORTENSIO ENTER, ACCOMPANIED BY SERVANTS.
PETRUCHIO
Come, let’s continue on toward your father’s house. Good Lord, how bright and splendid is the moon tonight!
KATHERINE
The moon? You mean the sun! It is not nighttime now.
PETRUCHIO
I say it’s the moon that shines so bright.
KATHERINE
I know it’s the sun that shines so bright.
PETRUCHIO
Now, by my mother’s son, and that’s me, it will be moon or star or whatever I want before I’ll travel to your father’s house. (to servants) Go return our horses.— Constantly contradicted and contradicted, and nothing but contradicted!
HORTENSIO
(to KATHERINE) Say what he wants or we’ll never go.
KATHERINE
Since we’ve come this far, please—let’s continue on. And whatever it is—moon or sun or anything you like—if you want to call it a tea candle, that’s what it is as far as I’m concerned. From now on, I promise.
PETRUCHIO
I say it’s the moon.
KATHERINE
I know it’s the moon.
PETRUCHIO
Well, you’re a liar, then. It’s the blessed sun.
KATHERINE
Then God be praised, it is the blessed sun. But it is not the sun when you say it is not, and the moon changes according to your mind. Whatever you want to call a thing, that’s what it is—and that’s what it will always be for me.
HORTENSIO
Petruchio, do whatever you like. You’ve won.
PETRUCHIO
Well, onward, then. That’s how things should be—straight and smooth. But, hang on! I hear someone coming.
VINCENTIO ENTERS.
(to VINCENTIO) Good morning, young miss, where are you going?—Tell me, sweet Kate, and tell me truly, have you ever seen a young gentlewoman blooming more with health? The way the shades of white and red compete in her complexion. Which of the stars in heaven shine with such beauty as the two eyes that sparkle in that heavenly face? Fair lovely maid, once more good day to you.—Sweet Kate, embrace her for her beauty.
HORTENSIO
(speaking so that only the audience can hear) He will drive the man mad pretending he thinks he’s a woman.
KATHERINE
Young budding virgin, fair and pure and sweet, where are you off to? Or where do you live? Your parents are lucky to have such a lovely child. And luckier still is the man who gets to be your husband and share your bed.
PETRUCHIO
Why, dear me, Kate! I hope you haven’t lost your mind. This is not a maiden, as you say, but an old man—wrinkled, faded, and withered.
KATHERINE
Sir, pardon my imperfect eyes, which have been so blinded by the sun that everything I look at appears green. Now I can see that you’re an elderly gentleman. Do forgive me for my crazy error.
PETRUCHIO
Do, good old grandfather, and while you’re at it, tell us which way you’re traveling. If we’re all headed in the same direction, we’d love your company.
VINCENTIO
Well, sir, and you, witty lady, who gave me quite a turn with your strange talk, my name is Vincentio, my hometown Pisa, and I am traveling to Padua to visit a son of mine whom I haven’t seen in a long while.
PETRUCHIO
What is his name?
VINCENTIO
Lucentio, sir.
PETRUCHIO
A fortunate coincidence—more fortunate for your son. I can now call you “father” in a legal sense, not just out of respect for your age. The sister of my wife, this lady here, is married to your son. And there’s no need for wonder or worry. His bride is well thought of, with a rich dowry and noble birth—a fit wife for any nobleman.
Let me embrace the father of Lucentio, and then we’ll journey on to see your son, who will rejoice at your arrival.
VINCENTIO
Is all this true? Or is this your way of livening up your travels—playing jokes on people you meet on the way?
HORTENSIO
I assure you, sir, it’s true.
PETRUCHIO
Look, come along with us and see the truth for yourself. Our earlier joke has made you understandably suspicious.
EVERYONE BUT HORTENSIO EXITS.
HORTENSIO
Well, Petruchio, all this is very encouraging. I’ll visit my widow now, and if she proves difficult to manage, I’ll know how to make myself impossible.
HE EXITS.