Secret Of Love by Brad Pitt?

Uh, not so much.

According to this drippy how-to manual on women, this creep basically says that women are incredibly needy and high-maintenance, and that if a man gives her enough compliments, hugs, kisses and whatnot, she will eventually get strong and bloom into a reflection of him.

Gah, how insulting!

I've got some serious problems with this, so here we go!

This pile of vomit-inducing dreck is NOT from Brad Pitt! If it was, it would still be crap.

This chain letter was anonymously written with a false attribution to Brad Pitt as far back as March 2012, to recycle and recirculate on Facebook in 2013 and going.

It is yet another "Shower any woman with enough tons of flattery and huggies and kissies and snugglehuggies and adoration down on bended knee because she like totally feels like nothing without all of that and is unwilling or unable to stand on her own and be happy - excuse me - *cough* "blossom" *cough because she's just a beautiful little flower, not a human being in her own right!"

That's what it says about women.

About men, it says "You need a woman, preferably one who looks "beautiful" or used to, one you can bring back from the brink of death, you are the rain and the sun and soil, she is the pretty delicate little flower who is totally dependent on you to tell her she's beautiful and give her kisses upon kisses so she will adore you to the point of being a reflection of yourself to prove your worth as a human being in the world. Women are so easy to cajole just as long as they get enough of the aforementioned from you. That's all it takes, really!"

- NOT!




So - very - much - NOT!

Mangle, mangle, destruct-o-rama!

* * *

🤥Meme: Brad Pitt about his wife:

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Brad Pitt didn't have a wife at the time I first read your drivel. I have no idea about his love life now and I don't care.

🙎‍♂️Meme: My wife got sick.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Sick of you writing smarmy letters? I can see that. Though if she actually got sick as in, medically ill, you just thought it was cool to use her suffering and make a stupid chain letter about it and didn't even have the decency to sign your own name to it, thinking everybody would like it better coming from a faux Brad Pitt? *Facepalm*

🙎‍♂️Meme: She was constantly nervous because of problems at work, personal life, her failures and children.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: So she was an anxious person - what made you think putting her story into a chain letter was going to do to relieve that? that's the last thing she'd need, you broadcasting all of her nervous troubles to the world, Mister Considerate!

🙎‍♂️Meme: She lost 30 pounds and weighted about 90 pounds.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: From an actual medical condition or just stupid starvation diets because she thought she wasn't pretty enough or something? *Rolling eyes* Sucks either way. The first, being the medical condition, would be just unfortunate circumstances which are not her fault. the other, being an all too typical self-centred appearance obsession with an unhealthy adherence to food-cop propaganda telling her she's too fat as usual would make her at fault, probably very tiresome to be around as well as her own worst enemy.

🙎‍♂️Meme: She got very skinny

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Funny how that happens when you drop 30 pounds… Duh.

🙎‍♂️Meme: and was constantly crying.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: That's not a run of the mil slightly anxious person any more, that's a veritable emotional train wreck. Having said that, your unhinged wife is by no means a fair representation of women in general!

I notice you never mentioned yourself as being among all her "problems" and that's suspicious. Perhaps you are/were the biggest one.

🙎‍♂️Meme: She was not a happy woman.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Gah! The redundancy! What idiot would ever get the impression she was happy from your description of her?

🙎‍♂️Meme: She had suffered from continuing headaches, heart pain and jammed nerves in her back and ribs.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: So how long before you finally took her to the hospital for this? Doesn't sound like just anxiety any more.

🙎‍♂️Meme: She did not sleep well, falling asleep only in the mornings and got tired very quickly during the day.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: With that load of ailments, well, no kidding! Duh, if it really happened, but it has not. You're just a phoney Brad Pitt, after all. You get no sympathy gasps or tears from me.

🙎‍♂️Meme: Our relationship was on the verge of a break up.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: As I thought. That big problem in her life? It was you.

🙎‍♂️Meme: Her beauty was leaving her somewhere,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Facepalm&scowl* I will throttle the next dimwit who drones on in my presence about a woman's beauty!!" We were not put hear on earth just to "be beautiful" nor does anyone with a good personality lose their real beauty, no matter what they look like! It's every single person's job to try making the world a more beautiful (more accurately better) place, woman, man, and child,

but that's not at all the same thing as this whole shallow "woman-beauty" everybody raves on about. And some people deliberately try not to make the world a more beautiful and better place, but that's a subject for another time. I'll leave it to you to figure out which you're doing, no, I'll tell you right out, you're doing the latter!

🙎‍♂️Meme: she had bags under her eyes,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Look, I get it - she was haggard, sick, and tired, but gosh dang it, that doesn't mean her actual beauty was "leaving her somewhere"! It means that for all your moaning and whinging on about how she looks, that you're the one obsessed with appearance, you likely told her every day how ugly you thought she was, I mean, if you have the gall to spew this laundry list of all the things you claim were wrong with your wife in this chain letter, - ah - skip it! You suck!

🙎‍♂️Meme: she was poking her head,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Poking? Huh? - She was - 'poking' her head? I don't get it. Massaging her head, I can definitely see, when you have migraines or even the average headache, but poking? Sticking fingers in her ears makes sense if she had an ear infection that hurts, but again, the doctor can usually put you on something to clear that up.

🙎‍♂️Meme: and stopped taking care of herself.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: I get it. She was physically sick. I get it. she was emotionally stressed out. To the point of a big freaking breakdown. I get it. she was a real mess. A great big mess! I get it, I get it, I get it I get it I get it already! Still, no sympathy since that wasn't Brad Pit's wife, who he does not have, and you are not Brad Pit. So move it along and get to whatever vapid point you're trying to make.

🙎‍♂️Meme: She refused to shoot the films and rejected any role.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Since you're not Mr. Pitt and this isn't his wife, I can only speculate as to the kinds of films you wanted to put her in, what you expected her to do, how you just cracked the whip and expected her to jump at your every beck and command. She was probably wondering how in the world she could get herself and the kids out from under your tyrannical thumb.

🙎‍♂️Meme: I lost hope and thought that we’ll get divorced soon…

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Which would've relieved at least some of her problems anyway.

🙎‍♂️Meme: But then I decided to act.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Just like you probably decided everything that went on in this *cough* 'relationship' up to that point, so why stop now?

🙎‍♂️Meme: After all I’ve got the most beautiful woman on earth.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, shut it! *Slap upside the head* You just said her beauty was fading, so, which is it? You're altogether too hung up on this stupid 'beauty' stuff! Knock it off, man! Sure would give you a huge ego-boost to think you had just saved "the most beautiful woman on earth" from herself and that she was all yours! *Scowl*

🙎‍♂️Meme: She is the idol of more than half of men and women on earth,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Your fictitious wife certainly isn't, and neither are Jennifer Anniston or Angelina Jolie. You might be close to accurate if you decreased the overall demographic and limited it to people who liked reality TV and the latest popstars, and I'm pretty sure over half the world's population really doesn't give a dang or even know who these people are. You're forgetting about the underdeveloped world where many are poor and don't even have running water let alone a TV or gossip magazines.

Oh, and, just to run it by you again, you're not Brad Pitt, you're an anonymous nobody and no one knows or cares about your imaginary wife who calls you "Brad Pit" inside your head.

🙎‍♂️Meme: and I was the one allowed to fall asleep next to her and to hug her.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes* That's generally what couples do at night! But it must've been difficult for you, trying to sleep with a woman who only existed in your head.

🙎‍♂️Meme: I began to shower her with flowers, kisses and compliments.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: While being all too aware, like you want some kind of award for this. An imaginary woman probably wouldn't say much about it, but I'd be wanting to tell any guy who treated me that way to get a blasted life, I'm not some kind of demigoddess and don't want to be treated like it. away with those flowers, they fade away and die shortly. Cut out all the flipping huggies and kissity-kisses, you're smothering me, spare me all your stupid compliments, they're as sincere as silk flowers, I don't want some mindless man drone flattery-despencing bot telling me I'm beautiful 500 times a day, not even close! And considering how you ranted on about her "beauty" I can imagine that's pretty much what you went on about with these obnoxiously obsessive compliments.

🙎‍♂️Meme: I surprised and pleased her every minute.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: I just threw up a little in my mouth. *Rolling eyes* and I have a feeling I'm not done yet. Please pass the bucket! You need a life, and so does that imaginary wife character of yours! *Cough, cough!*

🙎‍♂️Meme: I gave her a lot of gifts and lived just for her.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Projectile-puk* Gah this is trash! So, she must be that awful girl from the 25 Things A Perfect Guy Would Do, 257 Things, and the I'm sorry Give Up Your Life For Me chain letters to be fine and dandy with that! What a nauseating situation - this demanding princesss goddess with her love-slave! *Facepalm* Why the heck are so many people taken with this "You must totally coddle her and keep her beautiful just because she's a woman" bilge!? Don't they realize this is touting the worst gender stereotypes around? I mean, being nice and loving is one thing, and it's a two-way street, or at least, it should be. This story doesn't show that. All I'm getting here is two dimwits stuck on "beauty" so much that it nearly wrecked everything, to which the not-so-perfect solution you offer is that a man should be his wife's love-slave worshiper combination and exist only to stroke her insufferable ego every minute of every blinking day, which is the only blasted way she could ever find some scrap of true happiness and shut up already!

🙎‍♂️Meme: I spoke in public only about her.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Oh - my - freaking - gosh! She was like, all you EVER talked about in public!? What a pathetic doormat you are, how boring! I'll bet you don't have any friends left!

🙎‍♂️Meme: I incorporated all themes in her direction.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: So you chose to act like a codependent, creepy, stalkerish pansy with no personality for this selfish wreck of a woman. Gah, sickening!

🙎‍♂️Meme: I praised her in front of her own and our mutual friends.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: of course you did, you already said she was ALL you ever talked about in public! *Burp* Excuse me. My stomach is rebelling, violently.

🙎‍♂️Meme: You won’t believe it, but she blossomed.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGh! *Headdesk…Headdesk!…Headdesk!…Headdesk!…Headdesk!…Headdesk!…Headdesk!…Headdesk!…Headdesk!…Headdesk!…Headdesk!…Headdesk!…Headdesk!…Headdesk!…Headdesk!…

How - I - HATE - that word 'blossom' being applied to girls/women! Nobody EVER talks about men that way! Only girls!

Listen up!

We are NOT flowers! We do not blossom! We are not here just to be "beautiful" nor do all of us care a flying hot dart about being "beautiful" in this shallow sense of the word! I, for one, do not need or want some man showering me with mountains of flowers, gifts, corny, insincere, *STUPID* flattery, and talking nonstop about me and only me, I do NOT want any man turning himself into some pathetic little pandering lapdog over me in the hopes of trying to make me friggin' 'blossom'!

You got that?

🙎‍♂️Meme: She became better.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: which just goes to show there was really nothing wrong with her in the first place, other than being your imaginary wife with the character of a leach. all that supposed jammed nerves, the headaches etc. all a freaking act! You did mention films and acting before! And the weight-loss, well, it's not exactly unheard of for melodrama queens like her to shed the pounds just to look more *cough* beautiful* You and she are a fine right pair and you both suck!

🙎‍♂️Meme: She gained weight, was no longer nervous and loved me even more than ever.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: Well awwww, isn't that like *mocking* so incredibly precious! Don't it make ya just wanna cwy!? *Scowl* Take a hike!

🙎‍♂️Meme: I had no clue that she CAN love that much.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Pfft* That's not love, you idiot! Just you wait until you forget to give her that full quota of flowers/gifts/flattery/public expoundings on what a "beautiful little blossom" she is in public, miss any one of those things, get it off cue, and she'll go all to pieces again, because she's not a real woman, and you're not a real man.

🙎‍♂️Meme: And then I realized one thing: the woman is the reflection of her man.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Cough, cough* NOT! Gah, this is so full of sexist drivel it ought to be banished to the deepest cyber pit! No, not the Pitt!

🙎‍♂️Meme: If you love her to the point of madness,

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: You're either an obsessive creep or a pathetic tool. That's not love, that's something really unhealthy.

🙎‍♂️Meme: she will become it.

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: She will become madness? Yeah. I think your melodrama queen was there a long time ago.

🙎‍♂️Meme: Brad Pitt

🧝‍♀️Ocean Elf: *Scowl* You are NOT Brad Pitt! *Punch punch pummel pummel* Now beat it! Vamoose! Get - lost!

Over and out!


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