THE TAMING OF THE SHREW - Highlights

by: William Shakespeare

TRANSLATION: Modern English

Highlights

Act 1

BAPTISTA ENTERS WITH HIS ELDER DAUGHTER, KATHERINE, THE YOUNGER DAUGHTER, BIANCA, AND TWO SUITORS TO BIANCA, AN OLD MAN NAMED GREMIO AND A YOUNGER MAN NAMED HORTENSIO.

BAPTISTA

Enough, gentlemen! You can’t influence me on this point. You know how I feel. I’m determined not to permit my younger daughter to marry until I have a husband for the elder one. I’ve long regarded you both as good friends. Therefore, if either of you is partial to Katherina, he shall have my permission to court her freely.

GREMIO

Cart her, you mean. She’s too much for me. How about you, Hortensio? Are you still interested in marrying?

KATHERINE

(to BAPTISTA) May I ask, sir, if it’s your intention to publicly humiliate me, showing me off like a whore in front of these suitors?

HORTENSIO

We’re not your suitors, that’s for sure! Not until you improve your temper, girl!

KATHERINE

Don’t worry, I couldn’t care less. The only possible interest I could take in you would be to hit you on the head with a stool, paint your face with blood, and make a fool out of you.

HORTENSIO

May the good Lord keep me safe from all women like her!

GREMIO

Me too, Lord!

TRANIO

(speaking so that only LUCENTIO can hear) Wow! This’ll be fun to watch! This girl is either completely crazy or incredibly willful.

LUCENTIO

(speaking so that only TRANIO can hear) But her sister seems quiet and well behaved, as a young girl should be. Shhh, Tranio.

TRANIO

(speaking so that only LUCENTIO can hear) Indeed, master. Let’s keep quiet and watch.

BAPTISTA

(to GREMIO and HORTENSIO) Gentlemen, since I’d like to make good on what I’ve said—Bianca, go inside. And don’t be unhappy, my dear. Whatever happens, you know I’ll never love you less.

KATHERINE

What a spoiled little brat. She’d make herself cry now, if she could think of a reason.

BIANCA

Sister, be happy in my unhappiness.—Sir, I will humbly obey you. I’ll take comfort in my books and music, reading and practicing my instruments.

LUCENTIO

Listen Tranio! That’s Minerva’s voice you hear.

HORTENSIO

Signior Baptista, will you really be this cruel? I regret that our goodwill should cause Bianca unhappiness.

GREMIO

Why are you locking her away because of this fiend from hell, Signor Baptista? Why does the one daughter have to be punished for the other’s mouth?

BAPTISTA

Gentlemen, I’ve made my decision. That’s all there is to it. Go inside, Bianca.

BIANCA EXITS.

And because I know how fond she is of music, playing her instruments, and poetry, I plan to hire live-in tutors for her. If either of you gentlemen knows anyone who would be suitable for the job, send him to me. I’ll pay well for good teachers. I don’t stint when it comes to educating my children. Goodbye, gentlemen. Katherina, you may stay. I have things to discuss with Bianca.

HE EXITS.

KATHERINE

Stay out here? I don’t think so! Am I to be dictated to, like a child? Told when to come and where to go? No.

SHE EXITS.

GREMIO

You can go straight to hell! What you have to offer is nothing anyone wants. Hortensio, our desire to be married isn’t so great that we can’t wait this out patiently. It’s tough on both of us, but I guess we’ll live. So long. But to prove my love for Bianca, I’m going to see if I can find a good tutor to give her lessons in the things she enjoys. If I do, I’ll send him to her father.

HORTENSIO

I’ll do the same. But wait—don’t go just yet, Signior Gremio. I know we’ve never exactly been allies, but it might be in both our interests, if you think about it, to put our heads together about one particular thing. That is, if we ever want to return to being rivals for Bianca’s love.

GREMIO

And that would be—?

HORTENSIO

To find a husband for her sister.

GREMIO

A husband? You mean a devil!

HORTENSIO

I mean a husband.

GREMIO

I say a devil. Do you really think there’s a man fool enough to marry into hell—however rich the father is?

HORTENSIO

Oh, I don’t know. Just because we wouldn’t want to put up with her tantrums, that doesn’t mean there aren’t guys who would, if we could find them. Guys who’d take her with all her faults, provided there were enough money involved.

GREMIO

I don’t know. All I know is I’d rather endure a public whipping every morning than put up with her—even with a big dowry.

HORTENSIO

The two choices are about equal, it’s true. But come, since we must be friends in the face of this new obstacle, let’s work together to find a husband for Baptista’s elder daughter, and thus free his younger daughter to have a husband, too. Then we can go back to fighting with each other. Happy the man that claims you, sweet Bianca! And may the best man win. What do you say, Signior Gremio?

GREMIO

Agreed. This imaginary suitor for Katherina—I’d buy him the best horse in Padua if he’d get here quickly, woo her, marry her, take her to bed, and rid the house of her. Let’s go.

GREMIO AND HORTENSIO EXIT.

Act 2

KATHERINE AND BIANCA ENTER. BIANCA'S HANDS ARE TIED.

BIANCA

Dear sister, it’s unfair to me—and unfair to yourself—to turn me into a slave. That I won’t stand for. But if you want my things—untie my hands and I’ll give them to you myself, everything, even down to my slip. Or anything else you order me to do. I know I should obey my elders.

KATHERINE

What I want is for you to tell me which of your suitors you like best. And don’t lie.

BIANCA

I swear, dear sister, I have not yet encountered that special face I might prefer to any other.

KATHERINE

You lying brat. It’s Hortensio, isn’t it?

BIANCA

If you want him, dear sister, he’s yours. I swear I’ll woo him for you myself.

KATHERINE

Oh, I see. You’re more interested in money. You’ll live in luxury with Gremio.

BIANCA

Is it because of him that you envy me? You must be kidding! And now I see that you’ve been joking all the while. Please, Kate, untie my hands.

KATHERINE STRIKES HER.

KATHERINE

If that’s a joke, I guess the rest was, too.

BAPTISTA ENTERS.

BAPTISTA

What in the world is going on! (to KATHERINE) Young lady, where do you get the nerve!—(to BIANCA) Get behind me, Bianca.—Poor girl, she’s hysterical!—Go do some sewing. Don’t even talk to her. (to KATHERINE) You monstrous, good-for-nothing fiend! Why would you want to hurt your sister? She never did you any harm! When has she spoken even one cross word to you?

KATHERINE

She mocks me with her silence, and I’ll get my revenge on her.

SHE RUNS AT BIANCA AS IF SHE’S GOING TO STRIKE HER.

BAPTISTA

What, in my presence? How dare you!—Bianca, go inside.

BIANCA EXITS.

KATHERINE

You mean you don’t even want to hear my side? Of course! She’s your treasure. She must have a husband and I must dance barefoot on her wedding day. You like her best and so I’ll die an old maid. Don’t talk to me. I’ll just go cry myself sick and think of some way to get back at all of you.

SHE EXITS.

BAPTISTA

Has any man ever had to put up with what I do? Now what?

GREMIO ENTERS WITH LUCENTIO, DRESSED AS A POOR MAN; PETRUCHIO ENTERS WITH HORTENSIO, DISGUISED AS A MUSICIAN; TRANIO, DISGUISED AS LUCENTIO, ENTERS WITH BIONDELLO, WHO IS CARRYING A LUTE AND BOOKS.

GREMIO

Good morning, neighbor Baptista.

BAPTISTA

Good morning, neighbor Gremio. Greetings, gentlemen.

PETRUCHIO

And to you, good sir. Tell me, don’t you have a virtuous and lovely daughter named Katherina?

BAPTISTA

I have a daughter named Katherina, sir.

GREMIO

(to PETRUCHIO) You are too blunt. You’re supposed to work up to it.

PETRUCHIO

Please, Signior Gremio. Allow me to continue.—I am a gentleman of Verona, sir, who, hearing of your daughter’s beauty and wit, her friendly disposition and bashful modesty, her uncommon virtues and her mild behavior, have taken the liberty of presenting myself as a guest at your house in the hope of seeing for myself if what I’ve heard is true. And, as the price of admission for being received by you, I here present you with a servant of mine. (he presents HORTENSIO, disguised as LITIO). He is expert in the fields of music and mathematics. I thought he might instruct her in those branches of knowledge—of which she is, I gather, no beginner. Be good enough to accept this gift—I’ll be offended if you don’t. His name is Litio, and he comes from Mantua.

BAPTISTA

You and he are both welcome, sir. As for my daughter Katherine, this much I know: she’s not for you—more’s the pity.

PETRUCHIO

I see you don’t intend to part with her—or perhaps you don’t like my company.

BAPTISTA

Don’t misunderstand me, sir. I’m just stating the facts as I see them. Where are you from? What’s your name?

PETRUCHIO

My name is Petruchio, son of Antonio, a man well known throughout Italy.

BAPTISTA

I know him well. You are welcome for his sake.

GREMIO

With all due respect, Petruchio, give someone else a chance to speak. You’re so aggressive!

PETRUCHIO

Forgive me, Signior Gremio, but I’m anxious to get things moving.

A SERVANT ENTERS.

BAPTISTA

Boy, take these gentlemen to my daughters, and tell them both they are to be their teachers and to be courteous to them.

THE SERVANT EXITS WITH LUCENTIO AND HORTENSIO, FOLLOWED BY BIONDELLO.

Let’s take a little walk in the orchard before dinner. You are all most welcome here; please make yourselves at home.

PETRUCHIO

Signior Baptista, I’m actually in a bit of a hurry. I can’t make this wooing into a daily thing. You knew my father well; therefore, you know me, the sole heir to all his property and possessions, which I have added to rather than depleted. So, tell me, assuming I win your daughter’s love, what dowry would she bring to the marriage?

BAPTISTA

Twenty thousand crowns now, and half my lands after my death.

PETRUCHIO

Fair enough. And on my side, I’ll guarantee that if I die before she does, she shall inherit all my land and the rent from any property I own. Let’s have explicit contracts drawn up to ensure that both sides keep their promises.

BAPTISTA

Certainly, as soon as you’ve gotten the most important thing—her love. That counts for everything.

PETRUCHIO

Oh, that’s nothing, believe me, sir. I’m as commanding as she is proud, and when two raging fires meet, they end up consuming the very thing that kindled them. Blow on a fire and all you do is fan the flames. But a great gust of wind will blow the fire out completely. I’m that great gust to her fire. I’m rough, and I don’t woo like a little boy.

BAPTISTA

Well, good luck! I hope you’re successful. But prepare yourself for some unpleasantness.

PETRUCHIO

I’ll be completely prepared. Mountains don’t tremble, however much the wind may blow!

ENTER HORTENSIO AS LITIO, WITH HIS HEAD CUT AND BLEEDING

BAPTISTA

Gracious! Why so pale, my friend?

HORTENSIO

(as LITIO) I would have to say from fear.

BAPTISTA

Will my daughter be a good musician, do you think?

HORTENSIO

I think she’ll be a better soldier. She may be good with firearms. Never lutes.

BAPTISTA

You don’t think you can teach her?

HORTENSIO

No, but she’s taught me a thing or two! All I said was that she was using the wrong frets and tried to adjust her fingering. And she jumps up and says, “Frets? I’ll give you frets!” With that, she clobbers me with the lute so that my head goes right through,

and there I am, dazed, strings around my neck, looking through the sound hole like I was in the stocks, while she calls me “worthless fiddler,” “twanging twerp,” and twenty more hateful names, as though she’d prepared for me by composing a long list of insults to use on my behalf.

PETRUCHIO

I like this girl! She has real character! Now I want her more than ever. I can’t wait to meet her!

BAPTISTA

(to HORTENSIO, disguised as LITIO) All right, come with me. Don’t be discouraged. Continue your lessons with my younger daughter. She’s quick to learn and responsive. Signior Petruchio, will you come with us, or shall I send my daughter Kate to you?

PETRUCHIO

Please do.

EVERYONE BUT PETRUCHIO EXITS.

I’ll wait for her here and when she comes I’ll take a novel approach with her. If she rants, I’ll tell her that she sings as sweetly as a nightingale. If she glares, I’ll say her brow is as clear as roses newly washed with morning dew. If she is silent and won’t speak at all, I’ll praise her chattiness and say she speaks with piercing eloquence. If she orders me to go, I’ll thank her warmly as if she’d just offered to put me up for a week. If she refuses my proposal, I’ll tell her how much I’m looking forward to the announcement and the wedding. But here she comes. Here goes!

KATHERINE ENTERS.

Good morning, Kate, for I hear that’s what you’re called.

KATHERINE

Is that what you’ve heard? Then you’d better get your ears checked. I am called Katherine by those who have any business using my name.

PETRUCHIO

Liar. In fact, you’re called Kate, plain Kate—and pretty Kate, and sometimes Kate the shrew. But it’s definitely Kate—the prettiest Kate in the world, Katie, Kitty, Kat-woman, the Kate-ster—and so, Kate, here’s my pitch: that having heard your charming disposition praised—not to mention your beauty and your virtues, though none of them as richly as you deserve—I find myself driven to propose. I want you for my wife.

KATHERINE

“Driven?” Really? Well, let whoever drove you here drive you back again. I had you figured for a piece of furniture.

PETRUCHIO

What do you mean by “furniture”?

KATHERINE

A nice stool.

PETRUCHIO

You’re right, actually. Come sit on me.

KATHERINE

Asses are made for bearing, and so are you.

PETRUCHIO

Women are made for bearing, and so are you.

KATHERINE

Not by the likes of you!

PETRUCHIO

Oh heavens, Kate, I wouldn’t think of burdening you. I know how light and carefree you are.

KATHERINE

Too light for a lout like you to catch—though no lighter than I should be.

PETRUCHIO

Should be? Maybe you should be the subject of some buzz!

KATHERINE

Buzz off, buzzard.

PETRUCHIO

If I’m a buzzard, you’re a turtledove.

KATHERINE

Only a buzzard would think so.

PETRUCHIO

Come, my little wasp—you’re too angry.

KATHERINE

If I’m a wasp, look out for my stinger.

PETRUCHIO

All I have to do is remove it.

KATHERINE

True, if a fool such as yourself could find it.

PETRUCHIO

Everyone knows where a wasp wears its stinger. In its tail.

KATHERINE

No, in its tongue.

PETRUCHIO

Whose tongue?

KATHERINE

Yours, if we’re talking about tales.

I’m leaving.

PETRUCHIO

You’re leaving with my tongue in your tail? No, come back, Kate. I’m too much of a gentleman.

KATHERINE

A gentleman? We’ll see about that!

SHE STRIKES HIM.

PETRUCHIO

I swear I’ll smack you if you hit me again.

KATHERINE

Not if you want to keep your arms! If you hit me, that proves you’re not a gentleman. And if you’re not a gentleman, you don’t have any arms.

PETRUCHIO

Are you a herald, Kate? Put me in your books!

KATHERINE

What is your crest? A coxcomb?

PETRUCHIO

I’ll give up my comb, if you’ll be my hen.

KATHERINE

Your cock is not for me. It has no fighting spirit.

PETRUCHIO

Oh, come on now, Kate. Don’t look so sour.

KATHERINE

That’s my way, when I see a crab-apple.

PETRUCHIO

There’s no crab-apple here, so don’t look sour.

KATHERINE

There is a crab-apple here.

PETRUCHIO

Show me.

KATHERINE

I would, if I had a mirror.

PETRUCHIO

What, you mean my face looks like a crab-apple?

KATHERINE

What a clever child he is!

PETRUCHIO

You know, you’re right. I probably am too young for you.

KATHERINE

Maybe, but you’re wrinkled all the same.

PETRUCHIO

Oh, that’s with worry.

KATHERINE

Well, that doesn’t worry me.

PETRUCHIO

Listen, Kate! You won’t get away like that.

KATHERINE

Let me go. I’ll make you angry if I stay.

PETRUCHIO

No, not a bit. I find you quite gentle. I was told that you were violent, proud, and sullen. But now I see that people have been lying about you, for you are funny, playful, and beautifully behaved, not sharp-tongued, but as sweet as flowers in springtime. You haven’t got it in you to frown or look displeased or bite your lip as angry women do. You don’t take pleasure in bitter conversation. No, you entertain your suitors with mild and gentle conversation, quiet and pleasant. Why does the world report that Kate is lame?

The world’s a liar. Kate is as straight and slender as a hazel-twig, her hair as brown as hazelnut shells, and she herself sweeter than the kernels. Take a few steps—I want to see you walk. You don’t limp at all!

KATHERINE

Get out of here, fool, and give orders to your servants, not me.

PETRUCHIO

Did Diana ever beautify a grove as much as Kate beautifies this room with her queenly movements? You be Diana, and let Diana be Kate. Then let Kate be the chaste one, while Diana plays with me.

KATHERINE

Where do you memorize all this smart talk?

PETRUCHIO

I make it up as I go. It’s born of my mother wit.

KATHERINE

A witty mother! Too bad about the son!

PETRUCHIO

Am I not wise?

KATHERINE

Enough to keep yourself warm.

PETRUCHIO

Yes, I intend to keep myself warm, sweet Katherine—in your bed. So let’s cut to the chase: your father has consented for you to become my wife. Your dowry is agreed upon, and whether you like it or not, I will marry you. I tell you, I’m the man for you, Kate. I swear by this light, which shows me your beauty—the beauty that makes me love you—that you must be married to no man but me. I’m the man who was born to tame you and change you from a wildcat Kate into a Kate as gentle and domestic as other household Kates.

BAPTISTA, GREMIO, AND TRANIO ENTER.

Here comes your father. Don’t even think about refusing. I must and will have Katherine for my wife.

BAPTISTA

Now, Signior Petruchio, how are you getting on with my daughter?

PETRUCHIO

Beautifully, sir, beautifully! It couldn’t go any other way.

BAPTISTA

Now, daughter Katherine? Are you down in the dumps?

KATHERINE

You have the nerve to call me daughter? Is this a father’s loving care—wanting to marry me off to a total madman, a worthless, irresponsible louse who thinks if he swears enough, he’ll get his way?

PETRUCHIO

Sir, this is the truth: you and the rest—all the people who have ever talked about her—have all been wrong. If she seems fierce, it’s for a reason. She’s not obstinate but gentle as the dove, not high-strung but peaceful as the morning. She has the patience of a Griselda and the modesty of Rome’s Lucrece. In short, we’ve gotten along so well that Sunday is our wedding day.

KATHERINE

I’ll see you hanged on Sunday first!

GREMIO

Listen to that Petruchio: she says she’ll see you hanged first.

TRANIO

Is this your idea of success? So much for our plan.

PETRUCHIO

Relax, gentlemen. I’ve made my choice. If she and I are happy, what’s it to you? When we were alone, we agreed that in public she would go on being unpleasant. I tell you, though, it’s incredible how much she loves me. Darling Kate! She hung about my neck, smothering me with kisses, making vow after vow. In this way, she won my heart lickety-split! You men are rank beginners! It’s amazing how even a timid wretch can tame the most dreadful shrew, if the two are left alone together. Give me your hand, Kate. I’m off to Venice to buy outfits for the wedding. Plan the feast, sir, and invite the guests. I want my Katherine decked out in the finest clothes.

BAPTISTA

I don’t know what to say. Well, give me your hands.

God give you joy, Petruchio. Call it a match!

GREMIO AND TRANIO

Amen to that! We’ll be your witnesses.

PETRUCHIO

Father, wife, friends—farewell! I’m off to Venice. Sunday is just around the corner. We will have rings and things and fancy dress! So kiss me, Kate. We’re to be married on Sunday.

PETRUCHIO AND KATHERINE EXIT IN DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS.

GREMIO

Was there ever a match put together so quickly?

BAPTISTA

Truly, gentlemen, this is a chancy piece of business. I’ve made a risky investment.

TRANIO

(speaking as LUCENTIO) Yes, but the item was just gathering dust. This way, you’ll either make a profit by it or lose it on the high seas.

BAPTISTA

The only profit I seek is a peaceful match.

Act 3

Scene 2

BAPTISTA AND GREMIO ENTER, FOLLOWED BY TRANIO DISGUISED AS LUCENTIO, KATHERINE, BIANCA, LUCENTIO, AND SERVANTS.

BAPTISTA

(to TRANIO as LUCENTIO) Signior Lucentio, this is the day appointed for Katherine and Petruchio’s wedding, but there’s no sign of the groom. What will people say? To have the priest right here, ready to perform the marriage ceremony, and be missing a bridegroom! What do you think about our humiliation, Lucentio?

KATHERINE

The humiliation is all mine. You forced me to accept this man against my will, this fancy con artist who was in such a hurry to get engaged. He has no intention of marrying me. I knew it—I told you. The whole thing was a joke. He pretends to be this simple, backward guy, but it’s all a gag to amuse his witty friends. He goes around proposing to women—they set a date, he gets introduced around, they send out the invitations and make a public announcement, but he has no intention of going through with it. So now everyone will point at me and say, “Look, there goes the wife of that comedian Petruchio—if he could be bothered to marry the pathetic thing!”

TRANIO

(speaking as LUCENTIO) No, no, I assure you, Katherine—and you, too, Baptista—Petruchio means well, whatever circumstance prevents him from keeping his word. He’s rough-edged, but he’s a good man, and though he likes a joke, he’s not a liar.

KATHERINE

Maybe, but I wish I’d never laid eyes on him.

SHE EXITS WEEPING, FOLLOWED BY BIANCA AND OTHERS.

BAPTISTA

Go, daughter. I cannot blame you now for weeping. An insult like this would try the patience of a saint, let alone a hot-tempered shrew like you!

BIONDELLO ENTERS.

BIONDELLO

Master, master! I have news—old news such as you never heard before!

BAPTISTA

You say you have news that’s old? How can that be?

BIONDELLO

Well, is it not news that Petruchio’s coming?

BAPTISTA

Is he here?

BIONDELLO

Why, no, sir.

BAPTISTA

What then?

BIONDELLO

He is coming.

BAPTISTA

When will he be here?

BIONDELLO

When he stands where I am and sees you there.

TRANIO

(as LUCENTIO) So what’s the old news?

BIONDELLO

Well, Petruchio is coming in a new hat and an old vest, a pair of old pants turned inside out, unmatched boots that have been used as spittoons, one buckled, the other laced; a rusty old sword from the town armory with a broken hilt and no scabbard. He’s got on worn-out garters and is riding a swayback old horse with a moth-eaten saddle, stirrups from two different sets, a bad hip, swollen glands, lockjaw, leg ulcers, bedsores, arthritis, jaundice, a hernia, hives, worms, cancer, a mossy overbite, and post-nasal drip. He’s knock-kneed too. His bit’s lopsided and his cardboard bridle, which breaks when you pull on it, is taped in a few places. The saddle strap is made out of patchwork, and the strap that goes under his tail to keep the saddle in place is velvet, with the initials of some woman written in studs.

BAPTISTA

Who comes with him?

BIONDELLO

Just his servant, sir—pretty much got up like the horse, with a linen stocking on one leg and a big woolen booty on the other, a pair of red and blue garters, and an old hat with something no one’s ever seen before where the feather should be. He’s dressed like a freak, a total freak, and not at all like a proper footman or a gentleman’s valet.

TRANIO

(as LUCENTIO) He must be in a strange mood to go in for this fashion—though from time to time he has been known to dress down.

BAPTISTA

I am glad he’s coming, however he’s dressed.

BIONDELLO

Why, sir, he’s not coming.

BAPTISTA

Didn’t you just say he was?

BIONDELLO

Who? Petruchio?

BAPTISTA

Yes, Petruchio.

BIONDELLO

No, I said his horse is coming, with him on its back.

BAPTISTA

Well, that’s the same thing.

BIONDELLO

No, by Saint Jamy,

I’ll bet you a penny!

A man and his horse

Aren’t the same person—

Not that there’s much difference.

PETRUCHIO AND GRUMIO ENTER.

PETRUCHIO

Whoa! Where is everybody?

BAPTISTA

You are welcome, sir.

PETRUCHIO

I don’t feel well.

BAPTISTA

I don’t notice you limping.

TRANIO

(as LUCENTIO) And I would like it if you were a bit more formally dressed.

PETRUCHIO

Isn’t it better this way? But where is Kate? Where is my lovely bride? (to BAPTISTA) How is my father-in-law? Gentlemen, you seem displeased. What’s everyone staring at? You look as if you’d seen something unusual—a comet or something.

BAPTISTA

Why, sir, you know this is your wedding day. First we were sad because we were afraid you wouldn’t come. Now we’re even sadder to see that you’ve come so unprepared. For heaven’s sake, take off that get-up. It’s a disgrace to a man of your social position and an insult to this solemn ceremony.

TRANIO

And tell us what extraordinary occurrence made you so late for your wedding and drove you to present yourself in an outfit that’s so—not typical of you.

PETRUCHIO

It’s a long story—and tough to listen to. It’s enough that I’m here according to my promise, though I will have to deviate from it to some extent—for reasons which, when I explain them later, you’ll understand completely. But where is Kate? We’re wasting time here. It’s getting late and time we were in church.

TRANIO

Don’t greet your bride in these disgraceful clothes. Go to my room and put on something of mine.

PETRUCHIO

Not me. I’ll see her like this.

BAPTISTA

But surely you’re not planning to marry her in what you’re wearing!

PETRUCHIO

Yes, just like this. But enough talk. It’s me she’s marrying and not my clothes. Though I expect she’ll wear me out more quickly than I’ll wear out what I’m wearing—which will be good for her and even better for me! But what a fool I am to stand here chatting when I should bid good morning to my bride and seal the bargain with a loving kiss.

PETRUCHIO AND GRUMIO EXIT.

TRANIO

He must be wearing this crazy outfit for some reason. I’ll try to persuade him to put on something more appropriate before going to the church, if it’s at all possible.

BAPTISTA

I’ll go too and make sure that happens.

BAPTISTA, GREMIO, AND ATTENDANTS EXIT.

TRANIO

But sir, you need to get her father’s consent as well as her love. And to that end, as I explained to your worship, I’m looking for a man—any man, it doesn’t matter; we’ll suit him to our purpose—who can pretend to be your father, Vincentio. And he’ll guarantee the dowry—for even more money than I’ve promised on your behalf. This way, you’ll get your wish and marry sweet Bianca with her father’s consent and with the least possible hassle.

LUCENTIO

If my fellow schoolmaster weren’t keeping such a close watch on her, I’d think about eloping. Then it wouldn’t matter what anyone said—I’d keep what’s mine, whatever the rest of the world said.

TRANIO

Don’t worry, I’m looking into that too. I’m on top of the situation—monitoring it very closely. We’ll outwit them all—that old geezer, Gremio; the suspicious father, Minola; the prim musician lover, Litio—all for the sake of my master, Lucentio.

GREMIO ENTERS.

Signior Gremio, are you coming from the church?

GREMIO

As eagerly as I ever came from school.

TRANIO

(speaking as LUCENTIO) And will the bride and bridegroom be here soon?

GREMIO

Bridegroom? This guy is more like the groom who cleans the stable—a grumbling groom at that, as the poor girl is discovering.

TRANIO

(speaking as LUCENTIO) You mean he’s worse than she is? That’s not possible!

GREMIO

No, he’s a devil—a devil, I tell you! An utter fiend.

TRANIO

(speaking as LUCENTIO) No, she’s a devil—a devil, I tell you. The devil’s grandmother.

GREMIO

Why, she’s a lamb, a dove, a child compared to him! Picture this: when the priest asked Katherine if she would have him, he answered, “Hell, yes!” and swore so loud that the priest drops the prayer book. Everyone froze, and as the priest stooped to pick it up again the lunatic bridegroom smacked him so hard that the priest and book went flying! Then he said, “Now pick them up—if anyone dares.”

TRANIO

(as LUCENTIO) What did the girl say when the priest got up?

GREMIO

She trembled and shook because he stamped and swore and carried on as though the vicar were trying to put something over on him. Finally, the ceremony done, he called for wine. “A health!” he shouted, like some sailor aboard ship, carousing with his mates after a storm. Then he chugs the wine and throws the dregs in the sexton’s face. Why? Because the fellow’s beard looked thin, he said, and it seemed to be asking him for the dregs while he was drinking. Next he slung his arm around the bride’s neck and kissed her with such a smack that when they parted the sound of their lips made the whole church echo. That was the limit for me. I got out of there as fast as I could. I know the rest of the crowd isn’t far behind me. It’s disgraceful! You never saw such a mockery of a marriage in your life!

MUSIC PLAYS

There go the minstrels. They’ve started up.

PETRUCHIO AND KATHERINE ENTER, WITH BIANCA, BAPTISTA, HORTENSIO, GRUMIO, AND MEMBERS OF THE WEDDING PROCESSION.

PETRUCHIO

Gentlemen and friends, thanks for bothering to come. I know you expected me to stay to dinner and have prepared a celebratory feast, but as it happens I’m called away. So let me say goodbye.

BAPTISTA

You’re not thinking of leaving tonight, surely?

PETRUCHIO

Not tonight—today. If you knew the reason, you’d understand and would urge me to go rather than stay. Good friends, I thank you all for coming to see me wed this patient, sweet, virtuous wife. Dine with my father and drink a health to me. I have to leave. Goodbye to you all.

TRANIO

(as LUCENTIO) Please, stay till after dinner.

PETRUCHIO

Can’t do it.

GREMIO

As a favor to me?

PETRUCHIO

Nope.

KATHERINE

As a favor to me?

PETRUCHIO

I’m delighted.

KATHERINE

Delighted to stay?

PETRUCHIO

Delighted to hear you ask so nicely, but I won’t stay in any case.

KATHERINE

Look, if you love me, stay.

PETRUCHIO

Grumio, get me my horse.

GRUMIO

Yes, sir, they’re ready. They’ve eaten themselves sick.

KATHERINE

All right, then, do what you like. I won’t leave today. Not tomorrow, either. I’ll leave when I’m good and ready. The door is open, sir. Feel free to use it. Go on, wear your boots out! As for me, I’ll leave when I like. If you’re this high-handed to start with, I can imagine how arrogant and arbitrary you’ll be as a husband.

PETRUCHIO

Calm down, Kate. Please don’t be angry.

KATHERINE

I will be angry. What business is it of yours?—Father, be quiet. He’ll stay as long as I say.

GREMIO

Okay, now it starts!

KATHERINE

Gentlemen, on to the bridal dinner. I see a woman may be made a fool of if she doesn’t have nerve enough to stand up for herself.

PETRUCHIO

They shall go in to the bridal dinner, Kate—they’re yours to command. Obey the bride, guests! Go to the banquet: revel, feast, and carouse! Drink yourselves silly toasting her virginity! Be wild and merry—or go to hell. But as for my bonny Kate, she must come with me. No, don’t puff out your chests and stamp and stare wonderingly. I will be master of what belongs to me. She is my property, one of my possessions—just like my house and everything in it, and my field, my barn, my horse, my ox, my donkey—anything of mine you care to name. Here she is; I dare you to touch her! I’ll sue anyone in Padua who tries to stand in my way, no matter how powerful he is.—Grumio, draw your sword! We are surrounded by thieves. Rescue your mistress! Prove yourself a man! Don’t be afraid, sweet girl, I won’t let them touch you. I’ll protect you, Kate, against a million of them.

PETRUCHIO, KATHERINE, AND GRUMIO EXIT.

BAPTISTA

No, let them go. They’re certainly a peaceful couple!

GREMIO

If they hadn’t left soon, I would have died laughing.

TRANIO

(as LUCENTIO) Of all the mad matches, this is by far the craziest.

LUCENTIO

(as CAMBIO) Mistress, what’s your opinion of your sister?

BIANCA

That since she’s mad herself, she’s married a madman.

GREMIO

I guarantee you, Petruchio’s going to suffer from his Kate.

BAPTISTA

Neighbors and friends, though we don’t have anyone for the bride and bridegroom’s places at the table, you know there’s nothing missing in the feast itself.

(to TRANIO) Lucentio, you shall assume the bridegroom’s place and let Bianca take her sister’s seat.

TRANIO

(as LUCENTIO) Shall sweet Bianca practice how to be a bride?

BAPTISTA

She shall, Lucentio. Come, gentlemen, let’s go in.

THEY ALL EXIT.

Act 4

Act 4

Scene 1

GRUMIO ENTERS.

GRUMIO

To hell with all worn-out horses, all crazy masters, and all bad roads. Was a man ever beaten as much as me? Was a man ever as dirty as me? Was a man ever so tired? I have been sent on ahead to light a fire, and they are coming after to warm themselves. It’s a good thing I’m like a little pot and warm up quickly, or else my lips themselves would freeze and stick to my teeth, my tongue to the roof of my mouth, and my heart would freeze in my belly, before I managed to get thawed out. I’ll warm myself by blowing on the fire. A taller man than I would catch cold in weather like this. Hey! Curtis! Hello!

CURTIS ENTERS.

CURTIS

Who calls so coldly?

GRUMIO

A piece of ice. Trust me, you could slide all the way from my shoulder to my heel taking no more of a running start than the distance between my head and my neck. Start the fire, good Curtis.

CURTIS

Are my master and his wife coming, Grumio?

GRUMIO

Yes, yes, Curtis, so hurry up and start the fire. Leave out the water.

CURTIS

Is she as fiery a shrew as they say?

GRUMIO

Well she was, good Curtis, before this frost. But you know how winter tames man, woman, and beast. And it’s tamed my old master and my new mistress and myself, my good colleague.

CURTIS

The fire is ready. So go on, tell me the news.

GRUMIO

I think I’m getting delirious. Where’s the cook? Is supper ready? Is the house fixed up, the floor covered, the cobwebs swept out of the corners, the servingmen in their new work clothes and the household servants each in his wedding suit? Are all the cups and glasses in their places, the tablecloths laid out—everything in order?

CURTIS

Everything’s ready. So tell me what’s been going on.

GRUMIO

Well, first of all, my horse is tired and my master and mistress have had a falling out.

CURTIS

How?

GRUMIO

From their saddles into the dirt—but that’s another story.

CURTIS

Well, let’s have it, Grumio.

GRUMIO

Lean forward.

CURTIS

Here.

GRUMIO

There!

GRUMIO STRIKES CURTIS.

CURTIS

This is to feel the news, not hear it.

GRUMIO

That’s what makes it “sensitive” news. I was just knocking to see if anyone was home. Now, I’ll begin: first, we came down a steep hill, my master riding behind my mistress—

CURTIS

Both on one horse?

GRUMIO

What’s the difference?

CURTIS

Well, the difference of a horse!

GRUMIO

Oh, tell it yourself if you’re so smart. It’s too bad. If you hadn’t made me angry, you would have heard all about how her horse fell with her under it, how swampy the place was, too, and how she was covered in mud, and how he left her like that, with the horse on top of her, and how he beat me because her horse stumbled, and how she waded through the dirt to pull him off me, and how he swore, how she prayed—this woman who never prayed before—and how I yelled, and how the horses ran away, and how her bridle broke, and how I lost my riding crop, and many other things worth telling, which now will all be lost to memory, and you’ll go to your grave ignorant.

CURTIS

By the sound of it, he’s a bigger shrew than she is.

GRUMIO

Yes—as you and the rest will find out as soon as he’s home. But why am I telling you this? Get them in here—Nathaniel, Joseph, Nicholas, Philip, Walter, Sugarsop, and the rest. Tell them to slick down their hair, brush their blue coats, and make sure their socks match. Have them click their heels together and don’t dare touch a hair of the master’s horse’s tail till they kiss their hands. Are they all ready?

CURTIS

They are.

GRUMIO

Get them in here.

CURTIS

(calling offstage) Hey! Does anyone hear me? Hey! You have to come and greet the master and face the new mistress.

GRUMIO

She already has a face.

CURTIS

Yeah, so?

GRUMIO

You just said they had to face her.

CURTIS

I meant they had to give her credit.

GRUMIO

She’s not going to borrow money from them.

FOUR OR FIVE SERVANTS ENTER.

NATHANIEL

Welcome home, Grumio.

PHILIP

What’s up, Grumio?

JOSEPH

Hey, Grumio!

NICHOLAS

My man Grumio!

NATHANIEL

So what’s the story, old boy?

GRUMIO

Welcome yourself!—What’s up with you?—Hey to you!—So much for greetings. Now, my well-dressed friends, is everything ready and in order?

NATHANIEL

Everything’s ready. How soon will the master be here?

GRUMIO

Any minute. Probably here already. So be careful, and don’t—God! Quiet, I hear him coming.

PETRUCHIO AND KATHERINE ENTER.

PETRUCHIO

Where are those bastards? Where is the boy who’s supposed to help me get off my horse and take him to the stable? Where is Nathaniel? Where’s Gregory? Where’s Philip?

ALL SERVANTS

Here, here, sir! Here, sir!

PETRUCHIO

“Here, sir! Here, sir! Here, sir! Here, sir!” You stupid, unpolished dolts! I get no service, no respect, no attention! Where is the fool I sent on ahead?

GRUMIO

Here, sir, as foolish as ever.

PETRUCHIO

You unwashed farmworker! You bastard workhorse drudge! Didn’t I tell you to meet me outside and bring these morons with you?

GRUMIO

Nathaniel’s coat was being fixed, sir. And one of Gabriel’s shoes had a broken heel. And Peter couldn’t find a matching hat. And Walter couldn’t get his dagger out of its sheath. Only Adam, Rafe, and Gregory were ready. The rest were just a mess—but such as they are, sir, they’re here to welcome you.

PETRUCHIO

Go, blockheads, go, and bring my supper to me.

THE SERVANTS EXIT.

(singing) Where is the life I led until recently? Where are those—Sit down, Kate, make yourself at home.—Come on, come on, come on, come on.

SERVANTS ENTER WITH SUPPER.

Did I say later? I said now!—Smile, Kate! Be happy.—Get my boots off, you apes! You idiots, now!

(singing) It was a friar in robes of gray, who walked along the road one day:—(a servant tries to take off PETRUCHIO’s boots) Stop, you moron! You’re twisting my foot! Take that, and see you do a better job with the other one. (he strikes the servant) Be happy, Kate!—Bring me some water! Where’s my spaniel Troilus? Hey boy, go tell my cousin Ferdinand to get in here.

A SERVANT EXITS.

You’ll love this guy, Kate—anyway, you’d better! Where are my slippers? Can we have some water please here?—

A SERVANT ENTERS WITH WATER.

Come and wash, Kate, make yourself at home. Son of a bitch, you spilled it! (he strikes the servant)

KATHERINE

Take it easy! Please! It was just an accident!

PETRUCHIO

He’s a son of a bitch, a moron, a total jerk.—Come sit down, Kate, I know you must be hungry. Will you say grace, sweet Kate, or shall I?—What is this? Mutton?

FIRST SERVANT

Yes.

PETRUCHIO

Who brought it out here?

PETER

I did.

PETRUCHIO

It’s burnt. The whole thing is burnt. You bastards! Where is that moron of a cook? You devils! How dare you serve it to me this way! There, take it all back—plates, cups, the whole thing. (throws the meat and everything else around the stage) You careless blockheads and unwashed slaves! I heard that! I’ll deal with you in a minute.

SERVANTS EXIT.

KATHERINE

Please, dear, calm down. The meat was fine if you wanted to eat it.

PETRUCHIO

And I’m telling you it was burnt and dried out. I’m not allowed to eat overcooked meat. It gives me indigestion and that makes me irritable. Very, very irritable.Better for us to go hungry, since we’re both hotheaded, than for us to eat meat that’s been cooked too long. But don’t worry, tomorrow it will get straightened out. Tonight we’ll go without food.

Come, I’ll show you your bridal chamber.

THEY EXIT.

SERVANTS ENTER FROM DIFFERENT PARTS OF THE STAGE.

NATHANIEL

Peter, did you ever see anything like it?

PETER

He’s giving her a taste of her own medicine.

CURTIS ENTERS.

GRUMIO

Where is he?

CURTIS

In her room, lecturing her on the virtues of self-control. He rants and rails and swears and she, poor thing, doesn’t know how to stand or look or speak. She sits like a person who’s just woken up from a dream. Look out, he’s coming!

THEY EXIT.

PETRUCHIO ENTERS.

PETRUCHIO

Well, I’ve begun my reign with a carefully thought-out plan, and I have every hope of succeeding. My falcon is now hungry and unfed and must not be given enough to eat until she comes to me, for if her hunger is satisfied, she’ll pay no attention to the bait. I have another plan to make my bird come to me and recognize her owner’s call is to keep her from sleeping— the way trainers do with young hawks that flutter and flap and will not obey. She had no food today and will have none. Last night she got no sleep, and she won’t get any tonight. Just as I did with the meat, I’ll make up some problem with the way the bed is made, and throw the pillow one way and the cushion the other, and the blanket over here and the sheets over there. And through all the shouting and fuss, I’ll swear that it’s all out of love for her. The end result will be that she’ll sit up all night. And if she starts to drop off, I’ll rant and yell until I wake her up. This is how to kill a wife with kindness. And this way I’ll cure her wild and willful nature. If anyone here knows a better way to tame a shrew, speak up, please. It would be much appreciated.

HE EXITS.

Act IV, scenes i–ii

Scene 3

KATHERINE AND GRUMIO ENTER.

GRUMIO

No, no, I can’t, really. He’d kill me.

KATHERINE

The more I suffer, the more spiteful he becomes. Did he marry me just to starve me? Beggars at my father’s door are given money as soon as they ask for it. And if they don’t find charity there, they find it someplace else. But I, who have never known how to beg and never had to beg, am starved for food, dizzy with lack of sleep, kept awake with curses and fed with brawling. And what irks me more than all these things put together is that he does it under the pretense of love—as though for me to eat or sleep would bring on fatal illness or sudden death. Please, go and get me something to eat. I don’t care what so long as it’s nutritious.

GRUMIO

What do you say to a calf’s foot?

KATHERINE

Oh, lovely. Can I have some?

GRUMIO

I’m afraid it will raise your blood pressure. What do you say to an ox stomach, nicely broiled?

KATHERINE

I’d love it. Nice Grumio, bring me some.

GRUMIO

I don’t know. I’m afraid it will make you too hot, too. What do you say to a piece of beef with mustard?

KATHERINE

A favorite dish of mine.

GRUMIO

Yes, but the mustard is probably too hot.

KATHERINE

Well then, the beef without the mustard.

GRUMIO

Absolutely not. You’ll take the mustard or you’ll get no beef from Grumio.

KATHERINE

Then both, or one, or anything you like.

GRUMIO

How about the mustard without the beef.

KATHERINE

Get out of here, you measly, lying wretch. (she beats him.) You feed me with only the names of foods. To hell with you and the whole pack of you who triumph at my misery. Go on, I said get out of here.

PETRUCHIO AND HORTENSIO ENTER WITH A DISH OF MEAT.

PETRUCHIO

How is my Kate? Feeling blue, darling?

HORTENSIO

Mistress, how are you?

KATHERINE

Believe me, I’ve been better.

PETRUCHIO

Cheer up. Give us a smile. Look, love, see how devoted I am? I’ve prepared a meal for you myself, and here it is. I am sure, sweet Kate, this kindness deserves thanks. What, not a word? I guess you don’t want it. Ah well, all my trouble was for nothing. Here, take away the dish.

KATHERINE

Please, leave it here.

PETRUCHIO

The smallest service is repaid with thanks. Mine will be, too, before you touch the food.

KATHERINE

Thank you, sir.

HORTENSIO

Shame on you, Petruchio! You are too harsh. Come, mistress Kate, I’ll join you.

PETRUCHIO

(speaking so that only HORTENSIO can hear) Do me a favor and scarf it all down yourself, Hortensio.—May it do your gentle heart good, Kate. Eat up quickly, my honey lamb, we’re off to your father’s house to join in the revelry, where we’ll dress as well as the best of them, with silk robes and caps and golden rings, collars and cuffs and fancy frocks and things, with scarves and fans and two changes of clothes, amber bracelets, beads, and plenty of gewgaws. All finished? The tailor is waiting to deck you out in ruffled finery.

A TAILOR ENTERS.

Come, tailor, let us see these ornaments.

Lay forth the gown.

Now, tailor, let’s see what you’ve got. Lay out the gown.

A HATMAKER ENTERS.

What can I do for you, sir?

HABERDASHER HATMAKER

Here is the cap your Worship ordered.

PETRUCHIO

Why, this was modeled on a porridge bowl! It’s a velvet dish! No, definitely not! It’s cheap and nasty! It’s like a cockleshell or a walnut shell, a joke, a prank, a doll’s cap. Take it away. Bring me a bigger one.

KATHERINE

I won’t have one any bigger. This is the fashion. Gentlewomen are wearing caps like this right now.

PETRUCHIO

When you are gentle, you shall have one, too, and not till then.

HORTENSIO

(to himself) That won’t be anytime soon.

KATHERINE

Sir, I think I have the right to speak, and speak I certainly will. I am not a child or an infant. Better men than you have heard me speak my mind, and if you can’t take it, then you’d better plug your ears. I’ll express my anger or die concealing it. And rather than have that happen, I’ll give myself permission to speak as freely as I like, whatever I may have to say.

PETRUCHIO

You know, you’re right. It’s a measly little cap, a dessert crust, a plaything, a silk pie. I love you all the more for not liking it.

KATHERINE

I don’t care if you love me or not, I like the cap and I’ll have it or I won’t have any.

HATMAKER EXITS.

PETRUCHIO

Now, your gown? Yes, yes. Come, tailor, show it to us. Merciful God! What sort of costume do we have here? What do you call this? A sleeve? It’s like a cannon.

What, up and down, carved like an apple tart?

Here’s snip and nip and cut and slish and slash,

Like to a censer in a barber’s shop.

Why, what i' devil’s name, tailor, call’st thou this?

What have you done? Carved it up and down like an apple tart? Snip and snip and cut and slash—it’s got more holes than a sieve! What in the world do you call this, tailor!

HORTENSIO

(to himself) I see she’s likely to have neither cap nor gown.

TAILOR

You told me to make it well and properly and in keeping with the current style.

PETRUCHIO

Certainly, I did. But if you remember, I didn’t tell you to parody the style. Go on home, sir. You’ve lost me as a customer. I won’t take it. Do whatever you want with it.

KATHERINE

I never saw a better-designed gown, more elegant and pleasing and well made. Perhaps you think you can make me into some sort of plaything?

PETRUCHIO

Yes, that’s it! The tailor thinks he can make you into some sort of plaything.

TAILOR

She says your Worship thinks you can make her into some sort of plaything.

PETRUCHIO

What monstrous arrogance! It’s a lie, you thread, you thimble, you measurement! You flea, you louse, you winter cricket! Disrespected in my own house by a spool of thread! Get out of here you rag, you remnant, you piece of yardage, or I’ll measure you within an inch of your life with your own yardstick, and you’ll remember your yammering for the rest of your life. I tell you, you’ve ruined her gown.

TAILOR

It’s not true. The gown was made just as my master was directed. Grumio gave the order for how it should be done.

GRUMIO

I gave him no order. I gave him the material.

TAILOR

But how did you want it made?

GRUMIO

With a needle and thread.

TAILOR

But didn’t you expect us to cut the cloth?

GRUMIO

You’ve faced many things, haven’t you?

TAILOR

I have.

GRUMIO

Well, don’t face off with me. You have bested many things, well don’t try and best me. I will not be faced or bested. I tell you I requested that your master cut out the gown, but I didn’t ask him to cut it all to pieces. Therefore, it follows you’re a liar.

TAILOR

Why, here is the order to prove it.

HOLDS UP A PAPER

HE HOLDS UP A PIECE OF PAPER.

PETRUCHIO

Read it.

GRUMIO

The note is a big fat liar if it says I said so.

TAILOR

(reading) “Item one, a loose-bodied gown—”

GRUMIO

Master, if ever I said “ loose-bodied gown ,” sew me into the skirts of it and beat me to death with a bobbin of brown thread. I said “a gown.”

PETRUCHIO

Go on.

TAILOR

(he reads) “With a half-circle cape—”

GRUMIO

I admit the cape.

TAILOR

(he reads) “With a wide sleeve—”

GRUMIO

I admit two sleeves.

TAILOR

(he reads) “The sleeves carefully cut.”

PETRUCHIO

Ah, there’s the problem.

GRUMIO

Error in the bill, sir, error in the bill! I ordered that the sleeves be cut out and sewed up again, and I’ll prove it in combat even if your little finger is armed with your thimble.

TAILOR

What I say is true. And if this were a fitting place, I’d prove it.

GRUMIO

I am ready for you. You take the bill and I’ll take your yardstick. Do your worst!

HORTENSIO

God have mercy, Grumio! He won’t have a chance.

PETRUCHIO

Well, sir, the gown is not for me.

GRUMIO

You are right, it’s for my mistress.

PETRUCHIO

Go, take it away and let your master make whatever use of it he can.

GRUMIO

Certainly not! Take off my mistress' gown for your master’s use!

PETRUCHIO

Why, what’s the problem?

GRUMIO

Oh, sir, the problem goes far deeper than you realize. Take up my mistress' gown for his master’s use! Oh, that’s disgusting!

PETRUCHIO

(speaking so that only HORTENSIO can hear) Hortensio, tell the tailor you’ll make sure he gets paid. (to TAILOR) Take it away. Off you go. There’s no more to be said.

HORTENSIO

(speaking so that only TAILOR can hear) Tailor, I’ll pay you for the gown tomorrow. Don’t be offended at his angry words. Go on, then. Regards to your master.

TAILOR EXITS.

PETRUCHIO

Ah well, my Kate. We’ll go to your father’s house dressed as we are, in simple but honest clothes. Our purses shall be rich, our garments poor. After all, it’s the mind that enriches the body, and just as the sun shines through the darkest clouds, well, that’s how clearly honor peeps through even the humblest style of dress. I mean, is the jay more precious than the lark because his feather is more beautiful? Is the snake better than the eel because the pattern on his back pleases the eye?

Hardly, Kate. By the same token you are worth no less for your simple clothes and lack of finery. If you regard it as shameful, put the shame on me. So, let’s perk up! We’re off to eat and whoop it up at your father’s house.(to GRUMIO) Go, call my men so we can leave right away. And bring our horses to the end of Long Lane. We’ll walk there on foot and mount up there. Let’s see, I think it must be seven o'clock, so we should get there easily by lunchtime.

KATHERINE

I hate to say it, but it’s almost two and we won’t get there before suppertime.

PETRUCHIO

It shall be seven o'clock before I get on my horse. Whatever I say, or think, or do, you’re continually contradicting it. Sirs, never mind. We won’t go today—or any day until it’s clear that it shall be whatever time I say it is.

HORTENSIO

(to himself) I see this fellow intends to command the sun.

THEY ALL EXIT.

Act 4

Scene 5

PETRUCHIO, KATHERINE AND HORTENSIO ENTER, ACCOMPANIED BY SERVANTS.

PETRUCHIO

Come, let’s continue on toward your father’s house. Good Lord, how bright and splendid is the moon tonight!

KATHERINE

The moon? You mean the sun! It is not nighttime now.

PETRUCHIO

I say it’s the moon that shines so bright.

KATHERINE

I know it’s the sun that shines so bright.

PETRUCHIO

Now, by my mother’s son, and that’s me, it will be moon or star or whatever I want before I’ll travel to your father’s house. (to servants) Go return our horses.— Constantly contradicted and contradicted, and nothing but contradicted!

HORTENSIO

(to KATHERINE) Say what he wants or we’ll never go.

KATHERINE

Since we’ve come this far, please—let’s continue on. And whatever it is—moon or sun or anything you like—if you want to call it a tea candle, that’s what it is as far as I’m concerned. From now on, I promise.

PETRUCHIO

I say it’s the moon.

KATHERINE

I know it’s the moon.

PETRUCHIO

Well, you’re a liar, then. It’s the blessed sun.

KATHERINE

Then God be praised, it is the blessed sun. But it is not the sun when you say it is not, and the moon changes according to your mind. Whatever you want to call a thing, that’s what it is—and that’s what it will always be for me.

HORTENSIO

Petruchio, do whatever you like. You’ve won.

PETRUCHIO

Well, onward, then. That’s how things should be—straight and smooth. But, hang on! I hear someone coming.

VINCENTIO ENTERS.

(to VINCENTIO) Good morning, young miss, where are you going?—Tell me, sweet Kate, and tell me truly, have you ever seen a young gentlewoman blooming more with health? The way the shades of white and red compete in her complexion. Which of the stars in heaven shine with such beauty as the two eyes that sparkle in that heavenly face? Fair lovely maid, once more good day to you.—Sweet Kate, embrace her for her beauty.

HORTENSIO

(speaking so that only the audience can hear) He will drive the man mad pretending he thinks he’s a woman.

KATHERINE

Young budding virgin, fair and pure and sweet, where are you off to? Or where do you live? Your parents are lucky to have such a lovely child. And luckier still is the man who gets to be your husband and share your bed.

PETRUCHIO

Why, dear me, Kate! I hope you haven’t lost your mind. This is not a maiden, as you say, but an old man—wrinkled, faded, and withered.

KATHERINE

Sir, pardon my imperfect eyes, which have been so blinded by the sun that everything I look at appears green. Now I can see that you’re an elderly gentleman. Do forgive me for my crazy error.

PETRUCHIO

Do, good old grandfather, and while you’re at it, tell us which way you’re traveling. If we’re all headed in the same direction, we’d love your company.

VINCENTIO

Well, sir, and you, witty lady, who gave me quite a turn with your strange talk, my name is Vincentio, my hometown Pisa, and I am traveling to Padua to visit a son of mine whom I haven’t seen in a long while.

PETRUCHIO

What is his name?

VINCENTIO

Lucentio, sir.

PETRUCHIO

A fortunate coincidence—more fortunate for your son. I can now call you “father” in a legal sense, not just out of respect for your age. The sister of my wife, this lady here, is married to your son. And there’s no need for wonder or worry. His bride is well thought of, with a rich dowry and noble birth—a fit wife for any nobleman.

Let me embrace the father of Lucentio, and then we’ll journey on to see your son, who will rejoice at your arrival.

VINCENTIO

Is all this true? Or is this your way of livening up your travels—playing jokes on people you meet on the way?

HORTENSIO

I assure you, sir, it’s true.

PETRUCHIO

Look, come along with us and see the truth for yourself. Our earlier joke has made you understandably suspicious.

EVERYONE BUT HORTENSIO EXITS.

HORTENSIO

Well, Petruchio, all this is very encouraging. I’ll visit my widow now, and if she proves difficult to manage, I’ll know how to make myself impossible.

HE EXITS.

Act 5

Scene 1

PETRUCHIO, KATHERINE, VINCENTIO AND GRUMIO ENTER, WITH ATTENDANTS.

PETRUCHIO

Here is the door, sir. This is Lucentio’s house. My father-in-law lives closer to the marketplace. That’s where I’m going now, so I’ll leave you here.

VINCENTIO

You must not go without having a drink first. I think I may presume to welcome you, and they’re probably preparing some kind of feast to welcome me.

HE KNOCKS.

GREMIO

They’re pretty busy in there. You’d better knock louder.

THE MERCHANT LOOKS OUT THE WINDOW.

MERCHANT

(as VINCENTIO) Who’s that breaking down the door?

VINCENTIO

Is Signior Lucentio at home, sir?

MERCHANT

(as VINCENTIO) Yes, he’s at home, but he can’t be disturbed.

VINCENTIO

What if a fellow were bringing him a couple of hundred pounds to toss around?

MERCHANT

(as VINCENTIO) Keep your hundreds. He won’t need them as long as I’m living.

PETRUCHIO

(to VINCENTIO) I told you your son was popular in Padua. Hear that, sir? (to MERCHANT) Games aside, though, would you be good enough to tell Signior Lucentio that his father has arrived from Pisa and stands at the door waiting to speak with him?

MERCHANT

(as VINCENTIO) You lie. His father is already in Padua. In fact, he’s standing right here looking out the window.

VINCENTIO

You’re his father?

MERCHANT

(as VINCENTIO) Yes, sir—according to his mother, if I can believe her.

PETRUCHIO

(to VINCENTIO) What? Why this is out and out robbery! To appropriate another man’s name.

MERCHANT

(as VINCENTIO) Arrest the wretch. I think he means to bamboozle someone in this city while pretending to be me.

BIONDELLO ENTERS.

BIONDELLO

(to himself) Well, I’ve seen them married. Good luck to them! Uh-oh. What’s this? It’s my master’s father, Vincentio! Now we’re in trouble. Everything’s ruined.

VINCENTIO

(to BIONDELLO) Come here, you scoundrel.

BIONDELLO

I believe I have some choice in the matter, sir.

VINCENTIO

Come here, you wretch! What, have you forgotten me?

BIONDELLO

Forgotten you! No, sir. I could not forget you, since I never saw you before in my life.

VINCENTIO

Despicable brute! Never seen your master’s father, Vincentio?

BIONDELLO

My honorable, reverend master? Yes, of course. There he is at the window.

VINCENTIO

Is that so?

HE BEATS BIONDELLO.

BIONDELLO

Help, help, help! This madman will murder me.

HE EXITS.

MERCHANT

(as VINCENTIO) Help, son! Help, Signior Baptista!

HE EXITS FROM ABOVE.

PETRUCHIO

What do you think, Kate, shall we hang back and see how this conflict finishes?

THEY DRAW BACK.

KATHERINE

Let’s follow them to see how this turns out.

PETRUCHIO

First kiss me, Kate, and then we will.

KATHERINE

What, here in the middle of the street?

PETRUCHIO

Why not? Are you ashamed of me?

KATHERINE

Certainly not! But I’m ashamed to kiss, sir.

PETRUCHIO

All right then, back home we go. (to GRUMIO) Come, fellow, let’s be off.

KATHERINE

No, wait. I will kiss you. (kisses him) Now please, love, stay.

PETRUCHIO

Isn’t this good? Come, my sweet Kate. Better late than never—and it’s never too late to change.

THEY EXIT.

Act 5

Scene 2

BAPTISTA, VINCENTIO, GREMIO, THE MERCHANT, LUCENTIO, BIANCA, PETRUCHIO, KATHERINE, HORTENSIO, WIDOW, TRANIO, BIONDELLO, AND GRUMIO ENTER, WITH THE SERVANTS BRINGING IN A BANQUET. EVERYONE STANDS AS LUCENTIO PROPOSES A TOAST.

LUCENTIO

Finally, at long last, we’ve reconciled our differences. Now is the time—when war is safely over—to laugh at past dangers and adventures. My fair Bianca, bid my father welcome, while I with equal affection welcome yours. Brother Petruchio, sister Katherina, and you, Hortensio, with your loving widow, you’ll find no better entertainment anywhere. All of you are welcome in my house. This last course here is for closing up the stomach after great feasting. Now everyone be seated, as this is the part where we sit and chat as well as eat.

PETRUCHIO

All we do is sit and sit and eat and eat.

BAPTISTA

Yes, Padua is famous for this pleasant life, Petruchio, my son.

PETRUCHIO

Padua contains nothing that isn’t pleasant.

HORTENSIO

I wish that were true for both our sakes!

PETRUCHIO

Well what do you know! Hortensio fears his widow.

WIDOW

Me afraid of him? I don’t think so.

PETRUCHIO

That’s very sensible, but you missed my sense: I meant Hortensio is afraid of you.

WIDOW

He who is dizzy thinks the world is spinning.

PETRUCHIO

A very candid reply.

KATHERINE

What’s that supposed to mean?

WIDOW

That’s what I conceive of him.

PETRUCHIO

Conceives by me? How does that sit with you, Hortensio?

HORTENSIO

My widow means that her remark expressed the way she understood him.

PETRUCHIO

Nice save! Kiss him for that, good widow.

KATHERINE

“He who is dizzy thinks the world is spinning”—please, tell me what you meant by that.

WIDOW

Your husband, being saddled with a shrew, projects his own suffering onto my husband. And now you know my meaning.

KATHERINE

A very nasty meaning.

WIDOW

My meaning is nasty, for it’s you I mean.

KATHERINE

And I am nasty when it comes to you.

PETRUCHIO

You tell her, Kate!

HORTENSIO

You tell her, widow!

PETRUCHIO

I’ll bet you a hundred marks, my Kate puts her flat on her back.

HORTENSIO

Well, that’s really my job.

PETRUCHIO

Well said! Here’s to you!

HE DRINKS TO HORTENSIO

BAPTISTA

What do you think of these quick-witted folks, Gremio?

GREMIO

They certainly do like to butt heads!

BIANCA

A clever person would say their butting heads had horns on them.

VINCENTIO

Ah, our bride has woken up!

BIANCA

Yes, but not out of fear. I’ll go back to sleep now.

PETRUCHIO

No, you shall not. Since you chimed in, let’s see if we can trade a caustic joke or two.

BIANCA

Am I the bird you’re going to shoot at now? I’ll move my bush, so you’ll have to aim at a moving target. Thank you all for coming.

BIANCA, KATHERINE AND WIDOW EXIT.

PETRUCHIO

Well, she got away. Signior Tranio, you also took aim at that bird, though you didn’t hit her.—So here’s a health to all who’ve shot and missed.

TRANIO

Oh well, sir, I was really just like a greyhound that Lucentio let off the leash: I did the running, but the catch was his.

PETRUCHIO

A witty if a cynical reply.

TRANIO

It’s good you hunted for yourself, sir. It’s rumored that your deer holds you at bay.

BAPTISTA

Oh-ho, Petruchio! Tranio got you that time.

LUCENTIO

I thank you for that quip, good Tranio.

HORTENSIO

Fess up, fess up, didn’t that one strike home?

PETRUCHIO

He’s made me a little sore, I’ll admit. But since the gibe glanced off me, ten to one it hit you both straight on.

BAPTISTA

Seriously, though, son Petruchio, I think you have the most thoroughgoing shrew of us all.

PETRUCHIO

Well, I disagree. But why not put it to the test? Let’s each one send for his wife. Whichever’s is most obedient and comes most readily shall win the bet that we’ll propose.

HORTENSIO

Agreed. What’s the bet?

LUCENTIO

Twenty crowns.

PETRUCHIO

Twenty crowns? That’s a bet I’d make on my hawk or my hound. I’d wager twenty times as much on my wife.

LUCENTIO

A hundred then.

HORTENSIO

Agreed.

PETRUCHIO

Good! It’s a bet.

HORTENSIO

Who should begin?

LUCENTIO

I will. Biondello, go and tell your mistress to come to me.

BIONDELLO

Here I go.

HE EXITS.

BAPTISTA

Son, I’ll stake you half that Bianca comes.

LUCENTIO

I’ll have no halves. I’ll shoulder the whole bet

BIONDELLO ENTERS.

Well, what happened

BIONDELLO

Sir, my mistress sends you word that she is busy and cannot come.

PETRUCHIO

What! “She’s busy and cannot come!” Is that an answer?

GREMIO

Yes, and a nice one at that. Pray God your wife doesn’t send you a worse one.

PETRUCHIO

I’m hoping for better.

HORTENSIO

You there, Biondello, go and request that my wife come to me straight away.

BIONDELLO EXITS.

PETRUCHIO

Oh-ho, he requests! Why, then she’ll have to come.

HORTENSIO

I rather think, sir, that yours will not grant a request in any case.

BIONDELLO ENTERS.

So, where’s my wife?

BIONDELLO

She says she thinks this is a prank. She will not come. She says that you should come to her.

PETRUCHIO

Worse and worse! She will not come! It’s vile, intolerable, not to be endured!—You there, Grumio, go to your mistress. Say that I command her to come to me.

GRUMIO EXITS.

HORTENSIO

I can guess her answer.

PETRUCHIO

What?

HORTENSIO

She will not.

PETRUCHIO

The worse for me, no doubt about it.

KATHERINE ENTERS.

BAPTISTA

By all that’s holy, here comes Katherina!

KATHERINE

You sent for me, sir? Is there something you’d like me to do for you?

PETRUCHIO

Where are your sister and Hortensio’s wife?

KATHERINE

They sit chatting by the parlor fire.

PETRUCHIO

Go bring them here. If they refuse to come, get physical—use a whip if you have to, but get them out here to their husbands. Go on, I said. Bring them here straight away.

KATHERINE EXITS.

LUCENTIO

This is a miracle, if you talk of miracles.

HORTENSIO

It is. I wonder what it means.

PETRUCHIO

I’ll tell you what it means. It means peace and love and a quiet life, supremacy based on reverence and profound respect, and—not to go on and on about it—everything that’s sweet and happy.

BAPTISTA

May good fortune come to you, good Petruchio! You’ve won the wager, and I will add twenty thousand crowns to what they owe you. Another dowry for another wife, for, truly, she is so transformed she’s like a completely new woman.

PETRUCHIO

Wait, I will win the wager more spectacularly, going even further to demonstrate her obedience, her newly created virtue and obedience.

KATHERINE ENTERS WITH BIANCA AND WIDOW.

Look, here she comes, with your ungovernable wives in tow, like prisoners of her womanly persuasion.—Katherine, that cap of yours doesn’t look good on you. Take it off and throw it on the ground.

WIDOW

Lord, may I never see a day of trouble until the day I let someone treat me like that.

BIANCA

For shame! What kind of loyalty is this?

LUCENTIO

I wish your loyalty were as foolish. The wisdom of your loyalty, fair Bianca, has cost me a hundred crowns since dinner.

BIANCA

The more fool you for betting on my loyalty.

PETRUCHIO

Katherine, I’d like you to lecture these headstrong women on the nature of the loyalty they owe their lords and husbands.

WIDOW

You must be joking. There will be no lecture.

PETRUCHIO

Do it, I say. You can begin with her.

WIDOW

She shall not.

PETRUCHIO

I say she shall.—And first begin with her.

KATHERINE

Girls, girls! Wipe those frowns off your faces and stop rolling your eyes. This disrespectful stance toward the man who is your lord, your king, your governor tarnishes your beauty the way the frosts of winter blights the land. It mars your reputations as whirlwinds shake fair buds. And in no sense is it fitting or attractive. An angry woman is like an agitated fountain—muddy, unpleasant, lacking in beauty. And in this condition, no one—however dry or thirsty he may be—will stoop to sip or touch one drop of it. Your husband is your lord, your life, your keeper, your head, your sovereign, one who cares for you and who, for your ease and comfort, commits his body to harsh labor both on land and sea. Long, stormy nights at seas he stays awake, by day he endures cold while you lie safe and warm, secure in your beds at home. And in exchange he seeks no more from you but love, kind looks, and true obedience—too little payment for so great a debt. A woman owes her husband the same loyalty a subject owes his king. And when she is peevish and perverse, sullen, sour, and disobedient to his honest wishes, what is she but a loathsome, warlike rebel and an ungrateful traitor to her loving lord? I am ashamed that women are so foolish as to declare war when they should plead on their knees for peace, that they seek authority, supremacy, and power when they are under an obligation to serve, love, and obey. Why are our bodies soft and weak and smooth, unfit for toil and trouble in the world, if not so that our soft qualities and our hearts should agree with our external parts? Come, come, you weak, ungovernable worms!

My spirit has been as proud as each of yours, my courage as great, and my reason perhaps even better suited to bandy words back and forth and exchange frown for frown. But now I see our weapons are like straws, our strength like a straw’s weakness, and our weakness past comparison, so that we seem to be the thing we most are not. Humble your pride, then, since it’s useless, and place your hand beneath your husband’s foot. As a gesture of my loyalty, my hand is ready if he cares to use it. May it bring him comfort.

PETRUCHIO

There, that’s my girl! Come on and kiss me, Kate.

LUCENTIO

Congratulations, old pal, you’ve won the bet.

VINCENTIO

It’s nice to see children playing well together.

LUCENTIO

But not so nice when women misbehave.

PETRUCHIO

Come, Kate, let’s go to bed. We three are married, but you two are defeated. (to LUCENTIO) I was the one who won the wager, though you hit the white. And as the winner here I say good night.

PETRUCHIO AND KATHERINE EXIT.

HORTENSIO

Well, congratulations. You’ve tamed a terrible shrew.

LUCENTIO

It’s amazing, if I may say so, that she let herself be tamed.

THEY ALL EXIT.

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