š”Chain: Things Guys Should Know About Girls
š§āāļøOcean Elf: Oh, yay...
š”Chain: 1. Donāt ever lie to us; we always find out.
š§āāļøOcean Elf: You realize that goes both ways, right?
š”Chain: 2. We donāt enjoy talking dirty to you as much as you enjoy listening.
š§āāļøOcean Elf: Newsflash, I don't talk dirty, never have, never will, and certainly not just to please someone else, guy or girl. And yes, there are girls who love talking dirty, and guys who don't.
š”Chain: 3. Donāt say you understand when you donāt.
š§āāļøOcean Elf: Um that was kinda like already covered in the "never lie to us" thing in the first item. But again, cuts both ways.
š”Chain: 4. Girls are pretty, but yours is the Prettiest!
š§āāļøOcean Elf: Aaaargh! A Girl asked A Guy, 257 Things A Girl Wished A Guy Knew, Toast 14 Pretty Chica Ladies, Hit 15 Pretty Girls, Get over the pretty thing! That's so shallow and superficial, and for goodness sake if a guy is in love with you, it better not be just because of appearance. Because then it's not even love. And if you're always gonna go around competing with the rest of the world's women over who is the prettiest, you might as well just drop out of the human race because you'll drive everyone including yourself absolutely insane!
š”Chain: 5. You donāt have PMS; donāt act like you know what itās like.
š§āāļøOcean Elf: Just because you have it doesn't give you the okay to act all postal and then blame it all on PMS. Deal with the symptoms and just grow up already!
š”Chain: 6. Saying something sweet might get you off the hook; doing something sweet will always get you off the hook.
š§āāļøOcean Elf: Wrong! This was covered in the 257 things chain, and the mangling stands! if a guy molested or even killed someone and then brought me all their stuff, as a 'sweet' gesture, that sure as heck doesn't get him off the hook! It would get him in even more hot water with me, to the point of never ever getting in my good books, ever!
š”Chain: 7. If you talk about having a big d--k; we know you donāt.
š§āāļøOcean Elf: Ugh! *Grimace* No actually, you don't, and I don't. All that tells me is the guy is disgusting and not worth being around. I don't care how big or small it is and neither should he or anybody else. Get over the stupid thing!
š”Chain: 8. Size does matter, but only to hoes; not girls that want relationships.
š§āāļøOcean Elf: Covered in the 257 Things chain but I see it bears repeating!
Ahem!:
Get over the blasted stupid size thing already! I don't care how thin, fat, tall or short someone is, and sure as heck am not interested in the - er, genitalia size thing, so get a life!
š”Chain: 9. We donāt like it when you act like Mr. Big.
š§āāļøOcean Elf: And I don't like it when you act like an entitled brat. FYI Mr. Big is a chocolate bar. So let's leave it at nobody likes fakers or trolls trying to get away with murder.
š”Chain: 10. A system in your car only impresses your homeboys not us.
š§āāļøOcean Elf: Oh, lay off the ghetto talk, because that doesn't impress me either. Neither does your obsession with size and pretty.
š”Chain: 11. No matter what you say, your ex-girlfriend is a hoe.
š§āāļøOcean Elf: Already mangled in the 257 Things chain you disgusting twinked out Mary Sue! Read the mangling, all 257 items!
š”Chain: 12. Itās good to be sensitive, sometimes.
š§āāļøOcean Elf: Yeah, like knowing better than to waste it on you.
š”Chain: 13. If you did something wrong or even if you didnāt, apologize.
š§āāļøOcean Elf: ACK! Do you really want to go there? Read the mangles of Tips, True Boyfriend, the "Give Up Your Life For Me" chain, and you'd do very well to read For The Love Of Power, paying special attention to Cherie's behaviour and what happens to her. Because you deserve the same fate!
Here's a huge kickbutt hint for you:
I'm sorry, I should've thwacked you a lot harder! *Thwack thwack thwack!*
š”Chain: 14. Be spontaneous; dinner and a movie wonāt always cut it.
š§āāļøOcean Elf: Who said anything about dinner and a movie with you? Nothing you've said comes anywhere near cutting it and the future doesn't look too bright on that front, so count me out!
š”Chain: 15. We are self-conscious by nature; we canāt help it.
š§āāļøOcean Elf: Self-consciousness isn't a gender thing. And you're not self-conscious. You are self-absorbed, self-centred, self-indulgent, to a pathological degree, so I actually do believe your claim that you can't help it. You just don't have the strength of character to cut it.
š”Chain: 16. We are DrAmA queens.
š§āāļøOcean Elf: Obviously, but speak for yourself only. And if I was you, I wouldn't go trying to excuse that or wear it as some kind of badge of honour. Because people are within their rights to clear away from you in droves.
š”Chain: 17. Fashion police do exist.
š§āāļøOcean Elf: I don't care, they can either get lives or find another planet to live on.
š”Chain: 18. Donāt ask us to give head; if you are nice you just might get it.
š§āāļøOcean Elf: *Revolted grimace* Eeeeeeewwwwwwwwww! No, no, no, no, NO - NO - NO!! Never, never, never, never, never never NEVER!
*Gags*
Now go away! Just - get - the - freaking - heck - lost! *Cough choke projectile pukes*
š”Chain: 19. We absolutely DO NOT care about monster trucks, car systems, paintball, or anything else you and your friends talk about.
š§āāļøOcean Elf: And I don't care about your stupid fashion flavour of the day or how pretty you think you are.
š”Chain: 20. Hugs and kisses must be given at all times.
š§āāļøOcean Elf: *Recoils* Bleah! No! I don't wanna be smothered, thank you very much!
Guys, should you encounter that demanding queen bee, do yourselves a big favour and run for your lives!
š”Chain: 21. We donāt shave our legs evryday so get over it.
š§āāļøOcean Elf: I'm actually surprised YOU don't, considering how stuck on appearance and fashion you are.
š”Chain: 22. Donāt make bets about us; we always find out.
š§āāļøOcean Elf: Cuts both ways, chick. But yeah, any guy who'd do that to me would lose me in a heartbeat if - oh, but then, I wouldn't even consider any kind of relationship with a juvenile-minded git.
š”Chain: 23. Shave; no matter how cool you think your goatte or beard or mustache looks, we hate it.
š§āāļøOcean Elf: Aaaaaargh! You blasted hypocrite! if you expect him to get used to this not shaving legs every day, then give him the same consideration, chick! Get over the darn shaving thing anyway, live and let live, you shave your way, he shaves his, and be one big happyā¦
š”Chain: 24. Even if you think it is cool to burp, fart, or emitt other strange gases from your body, it is not.
š§āāļøOcean Elf: Huh? *Aghast* Where wonders never cease! I actually agree with this completely, but am somewhat confounded. I never thought you capable of saying anything that makes sense. For once, you actually amazed me.
*Picks jaw up off floor*
However, that doesn't fit with your gross head item somewhere in the above. also, considering how far down this is on the list where as the more shallow things are up top, I doubt your conviction on this item.
š”Chain: 25. Donāt compare our breasts with Pamela Andersonās; hers are fake, just remember that. ( u have a better shot at ours than you ever will with hers)
š§āāļøOcean Elf: Wrong! Pam Anderson nothing. Who cares about her? Just don't talk breasts at all, eyes off, hands off, everything off them! And that goes for mine and anyone else's, got it!? *Scowl* You wanna play with boobs, go buy yourself a couple of egg plants and bang them around, but stay away from the rest of the human race and especially from me!
š”Chain: 26. It is not cool to shoot snot rockets.
š§āāļøOcean Elf: Oh, gross! Chick, what kind of pigs have you been dating anyway? I guess any man with half a functioning brain wouldn't give you half a chance. *Choke gag hurl*
š”Chain: 27. We are beautiful at all times.
š§āāļøOcean Elf: *Cough, cough* NOT! Beautiful Women Month, I'm Beautiful, 257 things, Get over the blasted "beautiful" thing already!
š”Chain: 28. We will always think we are fat, so humor us and tell us we arenāt.
š§āāļøOcean Elf: *Eyes rolling uncontrollably* Get over the freaking fat/pretty/beautiful appearance-obsessed shallow-minded self-absorbed crap already! And you said in the very first item never to lie to you, so if you go on about how fat you are, he might just agree with you in a desperate attempt to get you to shut up about it for once. Nobody likes to be around people who are always whinging about how fat they think they are, or sniping about other peoples' weight like any good little food-cop yes men. Go get some kind of a life.
š”Chain: 29. You can shoot hoops, score a goal, knock down big fat guys,
š§āāļøOcean Elf: There you go with this fat/appearance crap againā¦
š”Chain: and hit a little baseball with a stick, so why the hell canāt you piss in the toilet and not on it.
š§āāļøOcean Elf: Again, where have you been looking for dates, chick, in a pig sty? Maybe the only guys you can manage to pick up for a little while are pigs because no real man in his right mind would give you the time of day. Well, you can't land a good man with your attitude, but you also can't teach a pig to sing. So, what needs to be changed before you can have that close to happily ever after you're longing for? You.
š”Chain: 30. Most importantly: we are always right;
š§āāļøOcean Elf: WRONG!
š”Chain: so donāt forget it.
š§āāļøOcean Elf: *Pfft*
š”Chain: IF YOU SEND THIS TO:
š§āāļøOcean Elf: Nobody, you're not an idiot.
š”Chain: 0-5 people
š§āāļøOcean Elf: No
š”Chain: bad luck
š§āāļøOcean Elf: but if you send to 1/5 people you might have the bad luck of getting somebody mad at you plus just showing 1/5 people you're an idiot.
š”Chain: 6-10 people your crush will
š§āāļøOcean Elf: NOT
š”Chain: notice you
š§āāļøOcean Elf: Unless your crush is among the recipients of this chain, then he/s sure to notice you're an idiot.
I don't have or want a crush anyway.
š”Chain: 10-15 people your crush will
š§āāļøOcean Elf: NOT
š”Chain: kiss you
š§āāļøOcean Elf: Bleck. And anyone who would kiss somebody for spreading a stupid chain letter is definitely more than a few bricks short.
š”Chain: 15+ people your crush will
š§āāļøOcean Elf: NOT
š”Chain: fall in love with you
š§āāļøOcean Elf: Unless your crush is as big a fool as you - but he/she would have to be if he developed a crush on you because you passed on a dumb chain letter.
Over and out!
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