👨💻Meme: Tips for guys.. For a successful relationship
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Yeah right.
👨💻Meme: This was written by a guy who has years of experience with girls.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: In other words, it was written by a womanizing loser or else someone who's desperate and keeps failing at relationships.
👨💻Meme: Believe you me, most of them are true about girlsÖ.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: No, don't believe you him. His tips are crap..
👨💻Meme: 1. Whatever you do, don't just show up at her houseÖshe runs around in her underwear just like we do.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Speak for yourself sir. I know there probably are some girls who do this, and some who don't. Me being one of the latter.
👨💻Meme: 2. DON'T CHEAT ON HER. It may seem foolproof, but girls tell each other everything about everything. Trust me, she WILL find out and you will be mud.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Oh, really? That's all you can find wrong with cheating? Listen, bub, whether or not you get caught is beside the point.. Just don't cheat. You wouldn't if you really cared in the first place and the relationship is a good one. I can understand the temptation to cheat if the girl treats you like crap, but in that case, just make a clean break, end the bad relationship and move on.
The following memes advise against cheating, but that's really as basic and true as 2+2=4...
👨💻Meme: 4. Never miss an opportunity to tell her she's beautiful.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: That's not necessary or even wanted with this girl. I don't require or trust flattery. I know some girls who do and they are a lot sadder. Of course you can compliment me once in a while, only when you really mean it. I'll do likewise to you if you deserve it. And that isn't likely.
BTW, this flattery stuff is also suggested in:
25 Things A Girl Wished A Guy Knew
👨💻Meme: 5. Don't refuse to kiss her in front of your friends. If they laugh at you, it's just because they're jealous.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Er, actually it's me who's likely to refuse putting on a public display of affection. And, how to break this to you, dude, but I don't even want to kiss you in private, let alone public!
👨💻Meme: 6. If she slaps you hard, you deserved it.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Can't disagree, if we're talking about me, and you or some other guy who does something stupid to tick me off. But some girls do slap hard without any good reason.
👨💻Meme: 7. Don't be afraid to touch her if you want to. If she's going out with you in the first place, it's because she likes being in your arms.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Er, no! That is a big lie. You're very sad if you think girls and guys can't just be friends. No touching on a first outing which likely isn't even a date. If you get closer later on, go from there, but don't move too fast or you'll lose any chance at friendship or a relationship with the girl. Yes, this means, paws off me, got it?
👨💻Meme: 8. If you don't sleep with her, DON'T tell your friends that you did.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: That's right, because if you do, you're a disgusting creep who doesn't give a hoot about the girl's feelings or reputation and you deserve to lose her as well as all of your friends.
👨💻Meme: 8.5. If you DO sleep with her, DON'T tell your friends that you did.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: That's right, because it's nobody's business and still very inconsiderate and stupid of you to blab.
👨💻Meme: 9. You can be dirty minded in private, reallyÖmost of them are not offended by it.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: There you go with this most again. Look, you'll find out soon enough if a girl you like is as dirty minded as you, and there are a lot of girls who are. But I'm not one of them privately or publically.
👨💻Meme: 10. Not all of them eat like birds, a lot of them can eat like whales.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Actually no. Birds peck and claw, and whales catch their prey under water, I don't know of any human beings who do that. Well okay, I can imagine you might come close to pecking and clawing...
👨💻Meme: 11. Most of them don't mind paying half of everything, but they do discuss these things with their friends. Realize that if you make your girlfriend pay half all the time, everyone will know about it and your friends will know you're a pussy..
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: What moronic tosh. First of all the use of that word pussy is stupid in so many ways. It's foul and shows a considerable lack of class, intelligence and originality. Second, I've never known girls to gossip about such trivial things as how much their date paid for dinner out. We're not living in the 19th century any more, get with the times. Third, I am not one of those girls who expects the guy to pay for everything on a date. I prefer to split the cost...
👨💻Meme: 11.5 Do you honestly need all your money that much? Be a man, pay all the time!
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Okay I'll rephrase that - we're not living in the dark ages. Some of us girls prefer to pay our own way. Since when does paying only half disqualify any male from the human race as a man!? Get real! Some of us, and this especially applies to me, do NOT want guys doing all sorts of stuff for us, only to lord it over us later as if they think we owe them every time they don't get their own freaking way...
👨💻Meme: 12. Every girl should eventually get three things from her boyfriend - a stuffed animal, one of his sweatshirts, and a really pretty ring. Even if it's not a serious relationship.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: No, wrong. Some girls don't like stuffed animals or can't have them around, dust allergies you know. Others have more than they know what to do with, we don't all ditch our cherished childhood plush toys. As for the other two things, they should only be given in a serious relationship or else you're just stringing her along. That's not cool.
I'm not much of a jewellery person. I'll get my own sweatshirts, keep yours to yourself.
👨💻Meme: 13. Make sure she gets home safely as often as you can. If you're dropping her off, walk her to the door. If you aren't dropping her off, call to be sure she's home safely.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: The call isn't necessary unless you really are worried. Otherwise you're just being too pushy unless I'm as crazy about you. If we've already had a night out, chances are it's late, I'm tired and I've had enough of you by now. I'm not going to be very receptive to gabbing on the phone with you for another two hours.
👨💻Meme: 14. If a guy is bothering her, it is your right to beat the shit out of him.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Absolutely WRONG, unless you and she really are in danger from the other guy. Some of us aren't impressed by guys who use any excuse just to beat up another member of their own gender. There are other more civilized ways of getting rid of a bother. Don't cheat, and don't beat. Got that, dude!? You try to impress me by beating up someone and I'll turn against you so fast and so fiercely it'll make your head spin!
👨💻Meme: 15. If you're talking to a female friend of yours, pull your girlfriend closer.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Please, that's not necessary. How about simply getting over the gender complexes and having a good old conversation among friends?
👨💻Meme: 16. Never, EVER slap her, even if it's just in a joking way. Even if she swats you first, and says, ìOh, you're so dumbî or something, never make any gestures back.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Bull crap! One turn deserves another.
👨💻Meme: 17. Go to a chick flick once in a while. She doesn't care whether you enjoy it or not, it just matters that you went.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Er, no! ARGH! Believe it or not, some of us girls:
1. aren't into chick flicks.
2. Aren't so inconsiderate as to drag you to a movie without caring if you'll enjoy it. ARE YOU GETTING THIS!?
3. You don't have to totally self-sacrifice and do things you don't enjoy just to maintain a relationship.
Here's a novel idea, how about finding out what you and she have in common that you like to do, and go do that instead!
👨💻Meme: 18. You're dead meat if you can't get along with their pets, parents, and best friends. Be prince charming to their friends, Mr. Polite to their parents, and make sure to be nice to their animals.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Don't be a fake about it. Besides, we don't always get along with our parents, our friends, or our pets either, so just act around them the same way you normally would around any strangers until you get better acquainted.
👨💻Meme: 19. Don't flirt with their momsÖthat's just freaky.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: That's an understatement. Ewww, gah! *SQUICK!*
👨💻Meme: 20. Don't be freaked out by PMS. It's not gross, and it really does make them feel like shit, so be understanding.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Don't always assume it's PMS when she's not feeling well or in a downer. Girls have real feelings over real events in their lives, and they get the flu or a cold same as any guy. They have as much a right to feel off color without getting dismissed as having PMS all the time! By the way, some of us aren't even effected by PMS at all. And more to the point, when and whether or not I get PMS is nobody's business but mine... You wouldn't even know about it.
The following memes mention or make a big thing of it.
257 Things A Girl Wished A Guy Knew
Give Up Your Life For Me And Just Say Sorry
TMI Body Form And Happy Period Rant Memes
We don't turn into raging, moody monsters during that time, and I really think both genders need to stop making such a big deal over it.
👨💻Meme: 21. If you don't like the way they drive, you do it.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Unless it's their own vehicle. You drive yours, let her drive hers. And there are girls who don't drive due to vision problems, in which case, you don't have to worry about it.
👨💻Meme: 22. If you're officially dating, and you're introducing her to your friends, you'd better damn well introduce her as your girlfriend.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Well the clingy meme girls would have a cow if you don't follow this rule, but not me.
👨💻Meme: 23. Don't stress where you go for every date. They really only want to be with you.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Unless she's a meme girl, because then she'll probably demand to be taken to a rom com.
👨💻Meme: 24. If they complain that something hurts, rub it for them without being asked.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Ewww-ch, no! What if I just want to be left alone!? Anyway, if a girl has an owee and she and you agree on the rubbing thing, it still all depends on what it is that's hurting. A back rub is manageable but what's a guy to do if his girl friend says she's got a tooth ache?
👨💻Meme: 25. Girls are fragile. Even if you're play fighting/wrestling, be very gentle.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Er, no! We're not sumo wrestlers but we're not china dolls either.
👨💻Meme: 26. Memorize their damned birthdays. You forget her birthday and you're basically screwed for life. Same goes for Valentine's day, friendship day, and any other day that's important for girls. Be the FIRST to wish them!
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: 'Damn' birthdays? look, if it's such a huge effort for you, don't bother. I don't want insincerity. Anyway, there's no such thing as Friendship Day. That was dreamed up by some chain letter originator. Look, I forget birthdays all the time, so I'm not going to get mad at people for not remembering mine on the day. As for Valentine's Day, the only thing I care about is getting some candy - and I am quite happy to buy it myself. I don't care and won't go to pathetic little pieces if you don't remember to wish me every happy freaking day.
👨💻Meme: 27. Don't marinade the cologne, but smell good.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Right. Only I think you meant to say, "don't marinade IN the cologne."
👨💻Meme: 28. Don't give her something stupid for her birthday or Christmas or Valentine's day. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it has to be meaningful. Jewelry is always nice. ( not applicable for all)
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: First you have to find out what her idea of stupid is, and if she even gives a darn about jewelry.
👨💻Meme: 29. If you think the relationship isn't going to last, don't wait to find out. It will only hurt you more if you draw it out.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Well, erm, yeah, don't bother if it's gonna end anyway.
👨💻Meme: 30. After you've been dating for a while, realize that they really have started to trust you. When you have a girlfriend who truly trusts you, you have a lot more responsibility, privilege and control than you would think. Be careful with it, most guys would kill for that kind of power, and it can be lost in a nanosecond.
🧝♀️Ocean Elf: Trust? I wouldn't trust you any further than I could throw you. Responsibility cuts both ways. Power and control, well, that's really what you're after, init? That's your game. Yeah, I think I got you pegged.
Guys like you, like to dote all over girls and pay half of everything, give up their sweatshirts etc. to make the girls trust and eventually depend on them, so that gives these guys what they think is leverage to use those things and lord it over the girl later, especially when she stops being his adored little princess and clearly has a mind of her own. "I did all of this for you, girl, and this is how you thank me? I've made you what you are!" crap. I've seen that sort of power and control being abused by men over women, and the psych-out head-games they pull. Some were real cases of battered women, other examples are just from stories, TV, movies etc. So, no thanks, get lost!
I'd advise any girl to beware of you and run in the opposite direction as fast as her legs can carry her! You, dude, are bad news!
Now go fly a kite!
Over and out!
Comment options: